The Demons Within Us
by White Dire Wolf
Summary: Rated for extreme language and adult situations. Drugs, guns and music, the only way to release the rage of a world torn by war. Can one woman save the shredded soul of a broken man? Especially since he hated everything she stood for? InuKag
1. All Hell for a Drummer

InuYasha and company copyrighted to Rumiko Takahashi. This story is my own.

_They said the War on Terrorism was for an outcome of peace, a means to have the world gain strength to fight for what was right and what was just. Whoever said that was never there to see it first hand. They were the lucky ones. After the invasion of the Middle East, sides began to form on opinions of integrity and freedom, and soon the world was enveloped in an arms race to protect peace. We weren't fast enough. _

_The War on Terrorism was later called the War of Armageddon. Forty million people died in Japan alone. No one was left an innocent. We were all victims of war. The waste from artillery scarred the land, and our cities were dilapidated by sights of burned homes and destroyed buildings. It was an easy process to rebuild our country, but not so much ourselves. The people were scarred by hatred and mistrust, causing open hostility on the streets. Gangs were rampant and violence our only protection. Propaganda spouted the need to clean up our act, and to think about our future generations. Well, this story isn't about them, it's about us. The children of war._

_We were the survivors of Armageddon, the Great Holy War. A war on whose God was greater, though it was the same God. But God wasn't there for it. God turned His back on us a long time ago. Or so I had thought. If someone said God loves us, I'd be the first to point a gun at his head and laugh. If someone said He sent angels, I would have pulled the trigger, and rid the world of his insanity. If someone had told me He sent me one, had I known then what I known now, maybe I would have pulled the gun on myself. Then again, what would be the point of believing, if there were nothing to believe in? _

_I had one belief. Music. That was the one true soul. The youth of the world struggled to find meaning and reason in our dead world. The only way to release the rage and panic was through drugs, guns and music. But what type of Propaganda would promote drugs and guns? So we were given music, in the form of the War of the Bands. A way to make music our saving grace. _

_I've heard music was the true voice of God. Maybe He was telling me something when He sent her. Too bad I never listened. Maybe things would have been different if I had. Maybe things would never had to happen as they did. And maybe I wouldn't be here, telling you this story. But maybe if you knew, then you would understand why I did what I did, and maybe I could be forgiven one more time. I didn't know what she was when we first met, not until it was too late. It made me wonder if I would ever receive redemption. Could God ever forgive me? Could I ever be forgiven for killing an angel?_

- -

"Turn up the mike a bit, Daniel." A dark haired man called across the stage to one of the stage crew while adjusting the strings on his electric guitar. "And pull it ahead some, the speakers are interfering."

A beautiful raven-haired woman sat restlessly in the back of the theater. Her sky blue eyes darted from one side of the stage to the other, watching the band make adjustments and final touch ups for the auditions.

The band, Perdition, had been searching for a new drummer for the upcoming War of the Bands, and Kagome was determined to be there in one way or another. She had heard of Perdition through the grape vine. They were popular around the underground of Kyoto. Their music was hard, but their style was meaningful. They had easily been accepted for the first challenge for the War of the Bands, along with many other bands around the city. But once they were accepted, they decided to revamp their group for a fresher approach. Seeing their flyers littered around the city, Kagome knew this was a sign from above. This was her chance to make things right.

The War of the Bands was an opportunity no one could turn down. It was a global challenge to find the best bands in the world. If you made it, you were set for life. Poverty would be a thing of the past. Not only that, you would have a name for yourself, to be known throughout history as one of the few to change the hearts and souls of those who heard you. Kagome grinned. Who could deny that?

Her eyes flicked over to the man behind the drum set on the stage. The guy's hands fiddled nervously with the sticks, waiting for his cue to begin. His eyes were watching the dark haired guitarist while he continued to shout orders to the stage crew.

"That's fine there, Daniel. Kouga! Where the fuck is InuYasha?" The man shouted as he distractedly pulled at the leather fingerless glove that covered his right hand. Kagome grinned slightly at him. He was kind of cute. His short hair was tied in a small rat-tail at the base, making him look like a young boy, but his steel gray eyes shot daggers from frustration and annoyance.

"Damn it, Miroku, how the fuck should I know where that shithead is?" A tall rugged man stalked heavily onto the stage from behind the curtain. His long dark brown hair hung free and low past his shoulders. His blue eyes darted around the stage before landing on what he was looking for. He grabbed his bass guitar from where it leaned by the drum set and began to adjust it.

Soft laughter came from a svelte woman who hopped with ease onto the stage. She adjusted her long brown hair into a ponytail and headed over to a keyboard set beside the drums. "Heaven forbid he show up for his own band's auditions."

Miroku growled in frustration, though his eyes never left the woman's ass. "At least one of the brothers had some sense to book the theater to get this shit done."

"Fuck it, we've been waiting enough as it is." Kouga fumed. "Set it!" His fingers strummed a few chords while the others followed suit to a popular song. The drummer followed in haste.

Kagome raised an eyebrow slightly. The drummer wasn't bad, a bit slow on the uptake and would need to speed the tempo some, but the guy had potential. Her eyes drifted around the theater. Only a small handful of people had come to try out. All guys, she frowned. Her eyes lifted up to the woman on the keyboards. At least they weren't prejudice against having a girl in the band.

"Stop, stop." Miroku hollered over the music and smiled slightly as he turned to the drummer. "That was fine, Gray. Next!"

Kagome cringed. The next guy to go up was bald, tattooed and covered in piercings. She instinctively clutched her jacket over her chest, feeling completely out of place all of a sudden.

Perdition was a heavy metal band. They sounded dark and looked dark all around. The men wore loose black jeans and wife beaters that showed off their toned physique, while the woman wore black leather pants and a sleek tank top that molded like a second skin on her taut body. Kagome studied the dark mascara that ringed the keyboardist's brown eyes. She looked tough, but then again you had to be to survive in this time.

Kagome sighed and looked down at her own clothing. She wore her lucky jeans today. They were dark blue with a small metal cross that hung from her belt hoop, a present from one of the children at the orphanage where she had lived since she turned fifteen and now worked as a director. Her shirt was a soft white cotton t-shirt, covered by a thin dark blue jacket which held her keys, cell phone and tattered wallet. She never wore make up, nor ever did much to her long black hair. She usually left it free to hang past her shoulders in soft waves. Plain, simple and clean. Yes, she definitely did not look the part for a heavy metal band.

Her eyes fell on the stage. She may not have looked or acted like one of them, but she loved this music, she loved the way it made her feel, and she loved how her entire being came out when she played. It was like her own form of prayer, a release of her triumph and love towards her faith. Her eyes lifted upward. 'Please, oh please let them like me.'

After an hour, Kagome was the last to be seated in the theater. Her heart thrummed heavily against her chest as her nerves wrecked havoc on her body. She couldn't avoid volunteering now. It was now or never.

"Is that everyone?" Miroku looked out into the theater, his eyes falling on to her. They seemed to gentle slightly, making her feel less out of sorts. "Miss? Are you here for something?"

The rest of the attention from the band fell on her, before they smirked and began to unplug their equipment.

Kagome stood up softly. "Yeah. I mean, yes, Sir, I would like to…." She pointed towards the drum set on stage.

Miroku grinned and his sharp eyes darted to the group. "Hey, don't pack up yet, we got one more."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

Everyone turned to see a handsome man storm onto the stage. His long platinum hair shone several colors under the stage lights. Kagome's eyes widened. He was tall, just a head higher than her, and she could see hard muscles under his slender form beneath his tight black wife beater. He was like a god.

"InuYasha, so nice to finally grace us with your presence." The woman smirked as she plugged her keyboard back in.

"Fuck off, Sango." InuYasha snorted before rounding his eyes onto Miroku. "We done here?"

"Actually, no." Miroku's mouth ticked slightly as he held off a smile. "We have one more. Miss, if you please?"

Kagome smiled shyly and headed up to the stage only to be stopped by a frigid glare from the most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen. Golden like the heavens, but hot like the hells. Kagome couldn't stop looking at them, wondering why God bestowed such celestial perfection in such a hard man.

InuYasha stared slightly confused at her. Never before had he been given such a look of shy wonder. Her sky blue eyes struck him to the core. He mentally shook himself. "She is not trying out." He snarled, turning back to Miroku.

"Why not?" Miroku tuned his guitar lazily. "She's here, and we still haven't found a good drummer."

"What the fuck do you mean? No one that tried out was good enough?" InuYasha barked.

Miroku sighed as he matched the hard stare of his old friend. "Of the twelve that showed, no, I didn't find any of them suitable." He motioned for Kagome to head on up to the drums.

InuYasha's hand flew up, signaling her to stop. Kagome stood still on the stage between the two men and looked over at Miroku for any sign what to do.

"I am not having a fucking girl play in my band." The silver haired man sneered as he eyed her with disdain.

"Excuse me?" Sango crossed her arms and walked over to stand by Kagome.

InuYasha turned to glower at the stage curtain, avoiding the woman's cinnamon glare. "You don't count, wench."

Sango gripped his upper arm hard, her nails digging into his flesh, making him open his mouth in protest and pain. "You listen here! You have no right to say who can and can't try out. If you wanted another to join, you should have been here to listen to make the call. But you're here now, and you are going to shut up, listen up and smarten up, or by hell I'll fuck you up." She let go of his arm and shoved him to the side while she ushered Kagome to the drum set and sat her down behind it.

InuYasha rubbed his arm and looked in loathing at the two women. "Fine, she can try out." His eyes turned sinister. "I'll even sing."

All eyes turned to glare hard at the white haired young man, all in confusion, except one. Kagome watched him in worry and excitement as she clutched the sticks to her chest.

"Well, if the bitch wants to be apart of the band, she got to know what she's dealing with." InuYasha turned and grabbed a microphone from the stand. He looked fiercely at his band mates, who reluctantly headed over to their instruments.

Nodding his head to Miroku, InuYasha smirked. "All Hell."

Miroku's eyes widened slightly and he hid a grin. InuYasha was never a show off. He never sang without purpose, yet Miroku knew the young drummer ignited something in the singer to possess him to perform so willingly. She seemed to grate his sharp edges without knowing, triggering a fire he had never seen in InuYasha for years. He flicked his head at Kagome and winked. "Ready, darling?"

Kagome smiled at him and nodded, shrugging off her jacket.

With the first sounds of the guitar strumming, Kagome felt the cares of the world melt away as she began to beat in time to the music. She knew this song. It was one of her favorites, though few in Japan knew the song at all. Her eyes darted up to the silver haired man who was watching her intently over his shoulder as he began to sing.

_I'm a workin' man_

_But I ain't worked for a while_

_Like some old tin can_

_From the bottom of the pile_

_From the bottom of the pile_

_I have lost my way_

_But I hear tell_

_About a heaven in Alberta_

_Where they've got all hell for a basement_

Kagome's eyes never wavered from his challenge as she rounded the drums along with the lines. His eyes narrowed darkly as he started the next verse. He turned slowly, coming to face her fully.

_My words are like a rope_

_That's wrapped around my throat_

_Wash my mouth with soap_

_For words unfit to quote_

All of the band members joined into the chorus. Kagome looked briefly over at Sango and grinned when she saw the woman smiling at her. She looked back at the drums in front of her as she quickened the tempo.

_I have lost my way_

_But I hear tell_

_About a heaven in Alberta_

_Where they've got all hell for a basement_

_I have lost my way_

_But I hear tell_

_About a heaven in Alberta_

_Where they've got all hell for a basement_

Kagome flashed her eyes over at Miroku who had moved to stand close to her as they played together during the break. He smiled and pulled hard on the strings as he got into the song. She smiled and twirled a stick around her finger before starting the next movement.

_And now I'm free to go_

_But time cannot remove_

_The only life I know_

_Now only time will prove_

_Yes, only time will prove_

_If I have lost my way_

Kagome cut the drum and held the cymbal while Sango played along with InuYasha. She started in surprise when he dragged a chair in front of the drum set and straddled it, watching her with humor filled eyes. Kagome's mouth went dry as she stared back at him, but steeled her nerves when she realized he was mocking her.

_Cause I hear tell_

_About a heaven in Alberta_

_Where they've got all hell for a basement_

Piercing her ice blue eyes at him, she thundered her wrists on the drums on the next line, proving her power behind the instrument. InuYasha stood and pushed the chair away in annoyance at her brazen maneuver. Yet it never broke his concentration. When it came to music, nothing ever could.

_Yeah, I have lost my way_

_But I hear tell_

_About a heaven in Alberta_

_Where they've got all hell for a basement_

InuYasha turned from her and walked back to the mike stand, putting the mike back in place. From the corner of his eye he could see his band mates watch the girl intently as they played the last of the song. His chest constricted in anger. She was good, he'd give her that, but she, herself, was nothing of significance. Probably just a war rat, by the look of her clothing. Bargain basement trash. Though he would have to admit she was mildly attractive, she looked too innocent and naïve.

InuYasha smirked. It would be too easy to break that, and as tempted as he was to be the one to do it to her, the War of the Bands was too much of a gamble to be distracted. Besides, he needed someone to look and act like a member of Perdition and what the name stood for. This girl was definitely not it.

"That was awesome!" Sango laughed in amazement.

InuYasha pulled himself from his thoughts and glowered at the girl. "She fucked up more ways than one. I can't believe we got through the fucking song."

Kagome's mouth dropped and she stood up abruptly. "I did not…" she faltered and blushed at the word he used, "mess up the song. I think I did alright."

"Fuck 'alright!' She blew me away." Kouga grinned and eyed her hungrily.

Kagome blushed at his compliment, oblivious to the lustful leer.

InuYasha rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Fuck off, Kouga, you're tone deaf enough as it is. You just want a girl in the band so you can have a travel whore."

Kagome blanched and her mouth floundered for any semblance of a retort.

Kouga's face turned furious as he stormed over to the white haired man, his fist raised. Sango gripped his tank top, pulling him back, while Miroku grappled InuYasha, who was not about to back down from a fight.

"He is right, InuYasha." Miroku grunted next to InuYasha's ear as he struggled to hold him back from hitting Kouga. "The girl sounds great. I think we have our drummer."

InuYasha pushed the dark haired man off him and clinched his shoulders in aggravation. He pointed his finger at Kagome. "Does that look like anyone worth anything?" His eyes flicked to a sparkle by her side and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "For fuck sakes, she's a goddamned church mouse!"

All eyes looked at the cross hanging on the girl's pants before turning back to InuYasha.

Sango let go of Kouga's shirt and tried to reason with their leader. "InuYasha…."

"Don't even start!" InuYasha snarled. "There is nothing that will make her belong here, so don't even fucking start!"

"InuYasha." Miroku stood next to Kagome, who looked pale and anxious. "The War of the Bands begins in four weeks. We haven't found another drummer as good as she is."

"Then we'll keep looking." InuYasha growled.

Miroku sighed. "There is no more time. Today was all we had. We used up our budget to do this audition alone. We are broke. And by the time we get the money to set up auditions again, the War of the Bands will be under way. If we don't start now, and train now, we'll never make it past Kyoto."

"Yash." Sango stood in front of him. "If we don't decide today, then we are disqualified for not having a complete group. And she's good, Yasha, really good."

Golden eyes darted to each of his friends before settling on the girl. "Fine. Take her." He pointed his finger hatefully at Kagome. "Bitch, if you fuck this up in anyway, I'll make it my life to make sure you pay." He turned quickly and jumped off the stage. He charged to the back exit, kicking the door open, cursing angrily as he stormed out.

Kagome let out a shaky breath as she watched him leave, but smiled when the three remaining band mates shook her hand and clutched her shoulders in acceptance. She made it. She was the drummer for Perdition. And she was going to the War of the Bands.

A/N All Hell for a Basement, played by Big Sugar, check it out.


	2. Reasons for War

Kagome stayed to help carry the equipment to the back of the van. The girl, Sango, walked with her and they chatted idly.

"So what did you say your name was?"

Kagome smiled. "Higurashi Kagome."

Sango eyed her slowly. "We don't use family names in the band. When you travel with us, you'll just be Kagome."

"Why?" Kagome tilted her head slightly.

"No family names. One of InuYasha's rules to live by." Sango shrugged. "He has his reasons and we don't argue, makes for a quieter day if we don't."

Kagome smiled softly. "You're Sango, right?"

Sango smiled. "Yup." She pointed to the two dark haired men loading instruments in the van. "The long haired one is Kouga, he plays the bass but he used to be our drummer, though he's not as powerful as you." She grinned at Kagome before it slid off her face when she looked at the other man. "That one is Miroku. If he even looks at you funny, you tell me, got it?"

Kagome nodded nervously as she eyed the shorthaired man. He turned back to reach for something and caught her gaze. He smiled warmly. Kagome smiled back, not sure why Sango felt the need to warn her about him. That is until he hopped from the van to slap Sango square across her ass, growling in pleasure.

Sango's cheeks pinked heavily as she turned and shoved Miroku hard, making him topple over himself to land on the pavement as he laughed all the while.

"What did I tell you about touching me, pervert?" Sango fisted her hand though Kagome could see she was fighting off a smile.

Miroku winked at her from the ground. "All I remember you saying is that you liked it hard and loud."

Sango's face burned. "I was talking about our music!"

Miroku grinned as he hoisted himself up. "And what beautiful music we make, my lovely Sango."

Sango growled and shoved some equipment into his arms. "Hentai bastard."

Kagome struggled to contain her giggle as she watched the two bicker. Sango finally shook her head and rolled her eyes at Kagome. "Like I said, he does anything, you tell me."

Kagome nodded and smiled. She cocked her head slightly in thought. "Sango, what about the other one, the man with the white hair?"

"InuYasha?" Sango frowned. "He tallies with all sorts of instruments, but he loves to sing, that's his strength. Though it would be great if he used his strength in helping load the van."

Kagome laughed softly and handed Kouga a speaker. His hand lightly touched hers, making her look up at him and blush slightly. His dark blue eyes stared down into hers and she couldn't help but smile at him.

His mouth quirked a bit before he let a smile grow on his face. "Thanks, Sugar."

Kagome grinned and turned to catch up to Sango as she headed back into the theatre to gather more equipment.

Sango tossed her gaze back at Kouga then to Kagome. "So, you got a boyfriend?"

Kagome looked at Sango questionably. "No, do I need one?"

Sango laughed. "Good response. Just letting you know we will be rehearsing a lot, and you might not be home as much as you like. Might have a day off once every few weeks maybe."

Kagome stopped and looked at Sango in slight shock. "A few weeks?"

"If we are lucky and make it through the competitions." Sango grinned.

Kagome rubbed her arm nervously and headed up the stage to grab another speaker.

"So how long have you been playing?"

Kagome glanced up at Sango and grinned. "Since I was fifteen."

Sango quirked a brow. "Really? So only a few years, huh?"

Kagome tilted her head in confusion. "Um, about eight years, actually."

Sango's eyes flew open. "You're around our age?"

Kagome shrugged. "I'm twenty three." She lifted the heavy speaker and grimaced. "But I know I look younger."

Sango whistled. "You're in trouble then."

Kagome's eyes widened in panic. "What? Why?"

"Because once the boys find out you're legal, they'll be all over you." Sango laughed.

"As if her being legal would have stopped us anyways." Miroku laughed and grabbed the speaker from Kagome.

The girl in question blushed softly and looked down.

Kouga nudged Miroku in the side, nodding his head to the shy girl as she unhooked the drum set. "Fresh meat." He whispered.

Sango gave them a deadly glare and moved to help Kagome with the drum. "You must have a rich family to be able to have a drum set to practice on."

Kagome looked up at Sango before averting her eyes to the drums. "No. I was very lucky to have been raised by a wonderful woman. Lady Kaede worked nights to be able to afford second hand drums for me and my brothers and sisters. She bought us all used instruments to play. She said music was the only thing brought down from Heaven, so we must play it to bring it back."

Sango was quiet for a moment. She avoided the looks from the two men who frowned at Kagome's statement. She cleared her throat quickly. "Lady Kaede?"

Kagome laughed and picked up the cymbals. "Well, her name is Kaede. Ship called her Lady Kaede once and it stuck. She said she liked being called it because it made her sound young."

Sango smiled. "It sounds like you have a nice family."

Kagome nodded. "They're all I have."

Sango flashed her eyes up at Miroku and Kouga as they hefted things to bring to the van. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

After packing the van up, Sango turned to Kagome. "We'll be practicing every night until the competition." She handed Kagome a card. "This is the address. Meet us there at seven tomorrow night and we'll start teaching you the sets." Her eyes drifted over Kagome's clothes. "Actually." She whispered. "Come a bit earlier. We need to do something about the image."

Kagome looked down at herself then over at Sango. She bit her lower lip and nodded. "Okay, I'll be there at six thirty."

Sango winked. "See you tomorrow, Kags." She hopped in the van behind Miroku and Kouga and waved to the girl before they drove off.

Kagome grinned and jumped in the air, fisting it excitedly before dashing across the parking lot for her rusty car. She couldn't wait to tell Lady Kaede and the rest of them about her audition. It felt like she had waited her whole life for this moment, and nothing was going to stop her now.

-+-

"So, that's the new drummer?" A cold voice of a dark haired woman asked behind tinted windows of a gray Lexus.

"Fucked if I care." The silver headed man nipped and sucked heatedly on her neck as she smoked distractedly on a cigarette.

"InuYasha, haven't you had enough?" Brown eyes pierced down in disgust at the man who was tweaking and pulling on her nipple, making her cunt pulse with need. She fidgeted and pushed his hand away. She hated him touching her when he was in the state he was in.

InuYasha raised his head from her neck. His golden eyes were distant and bloodshot and she could tell he would be off center from the high he was on for another little while. The shit she gave him wouldn't last as long as the other drugs she had given him, but it was potent enough to make him crave the drug more. Even if he wasn't addicted, the bastard was always looking for a quick way to fuck himself over.

She snorted cruelly down into his face. What did she care that he was looking for a slow death? He was a great fuck and paid her up front for the shit she peddled for her boss, Naraku. She just hoped she could keep him sober a bit longer so she could milk him for everything he was worth. Hell, if he got anywhere with this fucking band he was in, she'd be raking in his earnings, knowing full well he'd blow every last cent he had to get himself laid and high.

She ran a hot tongue over her lower lip and cupped his growing crotch. "Come on, Inu baby, time to go."

"Jesus, Kikyo." He groaned and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as she massaged his hot cock through his jeans.

"Your lady love has work to do. But if you're alive after you sober up, come by tonight and I'll give you some more." She licked his cheek slowly before reaching over to open the passenger side door and kicked him out.

InuYasha grunted as he landed hard on the broken cement. His head was pounding like a million bees were attacking his brain. He lifted his head slightly to see the Lexus drive away in a blurry fog before he dragged his body behind a dumpster and passed out.

-+-

"Wow, Kagome, are you excited?"

Kagome grinned over at the red headed boy. His blue eyes searched hers in child like curiosity. She helped pull his blanket up over his bed and tucked it under before moving over to help him clean his room. "More nervous than anything, Shippou. I'll be away from home a lot."

The young preteen began to pick up his games and tossed them into a chest littered with stickers. "I'd be excited if I was in a band."

Kagome ruffled his bangs. "What about the band we have here? You're their best drummer."

Shippou grimaced. "It's not the same."

Kagome sighed and smiled softly. The orphanage has had a band since she started one eight years ago. It wasn't much, just a means for music to teach and heal, but it was godsend for the youth that still remained at Shikon House. "I know what you mean, but it's a start, and you'll see it will be something amazing soon enough."

"Kagome?"

Kagome lifted her head to see a beautiful red headed young woman lean her body around the doorframe. "What's up, Ayame?"

"Lady Kaede needs you downstairs."

Kagome nodded. "Okay. Do you mind helping our little brother clean his room?"

Shippou's mouth tweaked slightly at the mention of little brother. Very few of the children of Shikon House were actual siblings, but Lady Kaede made it everyone's home. Everyone took care of the house and each other. After a time it was natural to call each other brother and sister. Shippou loved it. It made him feel like he was apart of a family again.

Ayame cringed at the state of the room. "Geez, Ship, you let a tornado in here?"

Shippou stuck his tongue out at his 'older sister' and continued cleaning. "Lady Kaede said I couldn't practice until my room was clean, but it's not fair. Jim and Kohaku live in here too. They should help."

"Ah, but if you look at their sides of the room, you see that they tidied up." Kagome tossed a dirty green sock into the hamper by the door of the bedroom.

"They just hide the dirt better." Shippou grouched.

Ayame gave Kagome a quick wink with an emerald eye before joining Shippou. "I'll help ya, squirt. We should be done before I have to help with supper."

Kagome smiled as she headed out of the room into the hallway. She sidestepped several children as they ran past before heading down the stairs. "Kaede?"

"In here, child."

Kagome followed the voice into the living room where a few young children were circled around an elderly lady who was sitting comfortably in a wicker chair. Kaede was nearing her seventies, but had the energy of a thirty year old. She had one eye covered by a black eye patch, damage done during the War, but the good eye sparkled with humor and love. She was just finishing reading to the children before she looked up at Kagome.

"I got a call from Hojo."

Kagome crinkled her nose slightly at the tone Kaede gave. "And?"

Kaede grinned. "He said the contract will be held until you get back from the first competition. With the extra earnings you children helped raised, it bought the Shikon House a few more months."

Kagome's face lit up like the sun. "Oh, Kaede! That's wonderful news, I knew God heard our prayers!"

Kaede chuckled. "You know very well God had listened to you. How could He deny you anything? As I am sure Hojo had a few strings pulled on your behalf." The old woman looked at Kagome slyly.

Kagome flushed slightly. "Lady Kaede, you know Hojo is just a friend. We grew up together."

"Aye, I know, I was there. I raised the both of you. Doesn't mean friendship couldn't be something more." Kaede ushered the small children into the other room where the older children were studying.

"And I certainly don't want it to end as anything less." Kagome sighed as she handed down coloring books and crayons to keep the smaller ones occupied.

"Love is something you should never be afraid of, child."

"I'm not afraid." Kagome blushed. "I'm just… waiting."

"Such a romantic, Kagome." Kaede smiled. "Think your knight in shining armor will come to save you?"

Kagome laughed. "I have nothing I need saving from. I'm happy here. This is my home and you are my family. No matter where I go, it's here I'll always come back to."

Kaede sighed and hugged her tenderly. "Aye, Kagome. And we will always be here."

Kagome embraced the old woman fiercely. "And I will make sure of it."

Kaede let her go reluctantly. "Well, whether or not you run away with Hojo, he said he would try to get us in to see your first competition in Kyoto. So we will get to see you perform."

Kagome smiled happily and picked up a tiny girl that was hugging her leg and spun her around in the small room, making the young girl giggle with delight. "This is fantastic. And with the earnings we will get from the War of the Bands, we are sure to keep the orphanage open for as long as we need."

"Kagome." Kaede sighed. "Aren't you being a little premature? You haven't won the first contest yet."

Kagome placed the small girl down and grinned widely. "Lady Kaede, you have to hear them. They are phenomenal, and InuYasha is the most amazing singer. There is no way we can't make it."

Kaede shook her head and smiled. "Never once had you ever thought the worst." She laid her rough hand against Kagome's soft cheek. "Never lose that child."

Kagome beamed at her surrogate mother and patted the children that had gripped her waist before shushing them away. She followed Kaede as they walked towards the kitchen.

"What did you say this band was called?" Kaede asked.

Kagome's grin faltered. "Um, Perdition."

Kaede nodded her head slightly. "And just what sort of music do they play again?"

"Uh… rock music mostly, you know, my kind of music." Kagome began to shuffle through the cupboards to begin making supper.

"What she means to say is that they play hard rock and heavy metal." Ayame bounded into the room and kissed Kaede on the cheek. She smiled devilishly at Kagome before helping with supper.

Kagome dropped her jaw and fumed at Ayame behind Kaede's back. "I'm so going to get you." She mouthed.

Ayame grinned like the Cheshire cat. "Oh come on, Kagome, it's a small house. You think we don't know what music you listen to? Every song you wrote was never soft."

Kagome flushed slightly. "Well, it's not like I'm saying anything hurtful to others."

"No, but you certainly are saying it loud enough so everyone can hear." Ayame giggled and gave Kagome a quick hug.

Kaede cast a knowing look at the two girls. "Be it as it may, Kagome knows to be trustworthy and gentle, no matter how much her spirit wishes to gale."

Kagome smiled softly, trying to change the subject. "Mind if we make an easy meal tonight? I have to be at rehearsal at six thirty."

"What's with that smile?" Ayame winked. "Tell me, Kags, are the band members cute?"

The raven-haired girl flushed. "No! Well, they're okay."

"Really? That hot, huh?"

"Oh, shush, the two of you, getting on like that when we have twenty mouths to feed." Kaede scolded while trying to hide her smile. "Are there any blondes, Kagome? I like blondes."

Both girls laughed as they readied supper.


	3. Road to Perdition

Kagome looked from the card to the address in front of her. This was the place, but it looked like a run down warehouse. Of course, the district she was in, they were all run down warehouses, abandoned due to destruction during the war. Looking left and right, Kagome frowned. Where was the door to get in?

Pacing back and forth along the wall of the warehouse, the only doors she could find were boarded up, leaving only the large warehouse door as access. Kagome steadied her nerves and knocked on the aluminium frame.

Moments later the door was lifted up and cinnamon eyes looked curiously from underneath. Sango beamed. "Kagome! You're right on time. Come on in."

Kagome ducked under the door hesitantly and stood to regard the inside. It was spacious and nearly empty. Windows lined the upper walls, casting spotlights on the floor. Several chairs lined the walls and some were scattered about the room. To the right were an office and a public bathroom. An old fridge and stove rested against the wall to the right of the office along with dairy crates that seemed to be filled with canned food. In the far left corner was the set up area for the band's instruments when they arrived.

Though the warehouse was practically barren, its space and volume made for an excellent practice place. Kagome smiled and turned to Sango while she lowered the warehouse door. "This place is great."

Sango grinned. "Thanks, it's all mine."

Kagome's smiled faltered as she looked around again. "You live here?"

The woman smiled. "Home sweet home. Rent's cheap, can make as much noise as I want and it's got a hell of a view." She pointed to the windows above her. "If I can ever look out them."

Kagome looked up and grinned. She could just make out the broken skyline of Kyoto before Sango guided her towards the office.

Inside the office was an unmade single bed pushed against the side wall. Beside it was a dresser with a TV and DVD player on top. To the other side of the room was a rack that held several outfits. The room had windows that faced the inside of the warehouse, but they had shades pulled down over them for privacy and to keep back the light from the overhead windows of the old storehouse.

Kagome beamed. "This place is so cool."

Sango chuckled and pushed her into the converted bedroom. "I think so, too. Come on, we have to get you ready before the guys show up."

"Is that really necessary? I mean, can't I just wear what I'm wearing for practice and dress up for shows?" Kagome nervously fingered a leather outfit hanging on the rack.

"If it were up to me I'd say wear the fuck you want. But we're dealing with InuYasha here. Image means everything, and when you're with Perdition, you are Perdition." Sango looked seriously at Kagome. "Are you going to be okay with this?" She held up a skimpy black outfit.

Kagome's eyes widened. "Um…what is it?"

Sango laughed. "Try it on."

Tentatively, Kagome reached for the outfit. She looked over at Sango. "Mind if I change in the bathroom?"

Sango looked at her in friendly irritation. "Fuck, Kags, we got the same gear. You can get dressed in front of me."

Kagome blushed furiously. "Actually, I rather I got dressed alone. I'm sorry, just don't like being naked in front of anyone."

Sango's face dropped slightly, confused at what Kagome was so ashamed of. "Um, sure, not a big deal. Bathroom's right there." She pointed to the left of the office.

Kagome grabbed the outfit and excused herself, rushing quickly to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and breathed out heavily. Her eyes instantly scoped out the room. Two toilet stalls took up one wall, while the other held a urinal and two sinks. A large mirror was framed above the sinks and was chipped at one corner.

Kagome eyed the urinal warily before turning away. She kept her back to the mirror as she took off her clothes. She already knew what her body looked like, enough for her to not want to see it. Children of war were all damaged in some shape or another. Scars of the soul were never forgotten, but scars of the body were a daily reminder, and the less she remembered the better off she was.

Kagome grimaced as she slid the soft leather pants up over her hips. It fit comfortably, but it was awfully revealing. Quickly slipping on the form fitting, black tank top, Kagome turned to look at herself in the mirror and immediately covered her eyes in embarrassment.

The shirt was nice, but the pants were enough to make her want to crawl under a rock and die. They left nothing to the imagination. They fit like a second skin showing off her curvy hips and round ass. The worst part about them was the designer cuts in the pants. Three jagged rips lined each thigh. Turning around Kagome could see the upper rips rolled over her hips and just stopped at her ass on each side. It looked like a savage animal clawed her legs, only to stop at her behind.

"Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?" She whimpered.

A knock on the door made her jump and she had to keep herself from yelping in fright.

"Kagome? Got it on? Can I see?" Sango's voice sounded muffled through the thick door.

Flexing her hands in anxiety, Kagome reached for the lock and turned. Sango quickly pushed the door open and gawked.

"Holy hell, Kags, you look… amazing." Her eyes roamed the girl's long legs, tight toned waist and high round tits, before landing on sky blue eyes. "Fuck, girl, if I were into women, you'd have me in a coma."

Kagome slapped her hand over her eyes. "Oh goodness, Sango, I can't wear this!"

"Why not? You have the most perfect body for it. You have to keep it. It does shame if anyone else wears it." Sango shook her head slightly. "I don't know what you're so shy about, you have to show that body off."

Kagome looked away sadly before looking back at the mirror. "This isn't me, Sango."

"Kagome, this is what we are. Our music tries to cut into what people hide and let it out. What we wear and how we wear it signifies that." Sango smirked not unkindly. "Can you really expect to do that wearing sweaters and baggy jeans?" She eyed the clothing Kagome left on the floor.

Kagome slumped her shoulders and cast her eyes down in defeat. She turned her head slightly to make sure her back was completely covered by the shirt before turning back to Sango. "What else do I need to do?" She smiled slightly.

Sango's face broke into a large smile. "There's my girl, come on, make up!"

-+-

The warehouse door shot up with a loud clatter as Miroku and Kouga entered and began to move their gear inside. Loud giggling and laughter from the bathroom made both men turn to each other to give suggested winks at what the hell Sango was doing.

"Oy! Sango! Get out here and help us set up the damn equipment." InuYasha's holler echoed across the warehouse as he thundered in, carrying speakers in each hand. Setting the speakers down, the white haired man pounded heavily on the locked bathroom door. "Tell whatever the hell you're fucking to hurry up, we got practice."

"InuYasha! Bite my fucking ass!" Sango hollered back through the door.

"As if I'd eat sloppy thirds." InuYasha griped and headed back out to the van, glancing up at the two men who were still eyeing the bathroom door with intrigue. "Move it you two, haven't got all day. Where the fuck is that bitch for the drums?"

Miroku and Kouga looked at each other and smirked. InuYasha was acting in the worst of moods, which means he was most likely in the best of moods. They jogged out to the van to help him unpack the rest of the gear.

"Shouldn't we go out and help?" Kagome asked through stretched lips as Sango applied lip liner on her.

"Hell no, why should we? They are more than able to do it on their own. Besides, InuYasha owes us for packing up the other day." Sango grinned evilly.

"I wonder where he went. I hope he was okay. He didn't seem too happy about me joining the band." Kagome's Caribbean eyes looked concerned as she studied the final result in the mirror. She grinned shyly despite of herself. She looked kind of hot.

"Pfft. Knowing him, he probably went to get himself…." Sango coughed, catching herself quickly.

"Get himself what?" Kagome asked curiously, turning to look back at Sango.

Sango flicked her hand casually. "Probably get himself a smoke or something."

Kagome frowned. "He smokes?"

Sango shrugged. "He says it cuts the edge off. Who am I to say? I'm not his keeper."

Kagome nodded slowly and looked back at the mirror. She bit at her lip nervously. "I hope he likes it."

"Hope who likes it?" Sango grinned knowingly. Kouga was going to flip when he sees this.

"InuYasha."

Sango's grin slid into shock. "InuYasha? Why would you care if he liked this or not?"

Kagome flushed slightly. "Well, he was the one that said I didn't look the part. I just hope this makes him happy. Maybe he'll not resent me playing and actually accept me."

Sango replaced her grin. "Oh, shit, Kags. Believe me, after this, he should have no complaints." Or so she had hoped. She mentally cringed.

"Oy! Tonight would be great, Sango!" InuYasha's voice thundered through the door.

Both girls rolled their eyes and headed to the door.

"Is he always this cranky?" Kagome fidgeted with a strand of her hair.

"On his good days." Sango grinned widely. "Stay there, I want to reveal you."

"Reveal me? I'm not Miss Japan." Kagome giggled.

Sango smirked. "I know. I never made anyone up before, but you're way too hot to not show off as my creation. Stay until I call you, okay?"

Kagome smiled and shrugged in exasperation. "Okay."

Sango headed out the door to see Kouga setting up the drums and Miroku adjusting the amps. "Where's dickhead?"

Miroku thumbed over his shoulder. "Went to lock up the van."

"Good." Sango grinned. "Kagome, come on out, girl."

Kagome stepped languidly out of the restroom to stand shyly in front of the boys. "Hi, guys."

Miroku looked up and his jaw dropped while Kouga turned to say hello only to drop the cymbals, making them crash loudly on the floor.

"Hey, watch it, numb nuts!" InuYasha shouted as he walked up to them before his eyes fell on Kagome. 'Whoa.'

Golden eyes raked her form, drinking her up in all her glory. Black leather boots straddled her tight leather clad calves. The rips on the leather pants showed creamy soft thighs before hiding her perfect hips and the shiny black tank top moulded her toned stomach and perky tits as if she were wearing nothing at all.

His eyes finally rested on her face. Her soft moist lips looked to be dipped in deep violet honey, begging to be tasted, and her sky blue eyes tore into his soul as they gazed at him innocently through black mascara and liner. Her long blue-black hair was tied in a ponytail, leaving two long strands to rest in soft waves by her face and shoulders. She was a muse, a goddess to be worshiped.

InuYasha's loins tightened and he huffed, realizing he had stopped breathing. Catching a hold of himself, he growled.

"Keh. Seems you can look adequate when you want to. Doesn't mean you can play worth a damn though." He sneered over at the two men who were still staring at the girl as if in heat. "Hey, Wingus, Dingus, get your mouths off the damn floor, you can mop it later. We got work to do."

Kagome cast her gaze to the floor, fighting back the burn of disappointment. Steeling her resolve, Kagome lifted her head high and walked over to the drums to help Kouga finish the set up.

"Kagome, I just have to say, you look… wow." Kouga grinned down at her.

Looking up into his cobalt eyes, she blushed slightly and smiled in relief. "Thank you, Kouga. I hope I look the part."

"Baby, you look like sin itself." He smirked down at her.

Kagome's smile faded slightly and she shrugged. She grabbed a chair nearby and placed it behind the base drum and set the pieces to her comfort.

Kouga stepped over to Miroku. "Something I said?"

Miroku glanced over at Kagome before settling his eyes on Sango as she set up her keyboard. The woman was wearing a similar outfit as Kagome's, sans the rips. She looked elegant even when dressed hardcore. "Wouldn't be able to tell you, my friend. I've been asking myself what I've been doing wrong for years."

Kouga chuckled and gathered his long hair up and wrapped it in a ponytail before reaching for his bass.

"Fuck, put your damn hair down. You trying to look like a Barbie girl?" InuYasha growled as he set up the mike in front of himself.

Kouga grumbled and reached to take down his hair.

"Don't, Kouga."

The blue-eyed man turned to the girl at the drums questionably.

"Keep your hair up. I like it like that." Kagome smiled and went back to adjusting the drums.

Kouga chanced a glance back at InuYasha who was staring fire and ice at Kagome. He smirked at the bandleader, giving him the nod towards Kagome as if staking a claim on the girl.

InuYasha glared hard at the bass player before turning flame-fueled eyes on the drummer once more. "No one asked you, bitch, so shut the fuck up."

Kagome didn't even spare him a glance from the drum set. "No one asked you either, InuYasha, but a compliment can go a long way. Nothing bad could come from being nice to someone."

Kouga's smirk deepened at the look on InuYasha's face.

"Are you fucking telling me how to behave, wench?" The silver headed man glared daggers at her. "Don't go fucking spout good will at me. Save it for someone who gives a shit what you say."

Kagome sighed and looked up at him. She smiled softly. "I like your hair, too."

Sango smiled at Miroku who in turn looked to the far wall to keep from laughing. InuYasha's mouth opened and closed furiously before he turned back to the mike.

"Whatever, let's get this shit over with."

He flicked a stray strand of hair behind his shoulder and watched her from the corner of his eye. She smiled shyly and looked back at her drums. 'Crazy wench.' He unconsciously ran his fingers through his thick mane, trying to make it neater.

"So what are we starting with?" Miroku grinned.

"May as well get her adjusted slowly." Kouga smiled slightly at Kagome. "Helena?"

InuYasha snorted. "Fuck that punk shit. She wants to be a part of us she should know what we play. Dark and hard." He eyed her carefully on the sly.

There was something about her that gnawed him to the core. He detested her for what she stood for, he knew that, but there was a quality about her that made him drawn to her as well, and he detested that all the more. It was those damn blue eyes. They looked at him as if he cast no stone nor committed any sin. And he hated how it made him feel.

Kagome glanced up at him and smiled softly. He clenched his teeth hard as he bit back the bitter quake she erupted in him. He swiftly turned his back to her. Fuck it if he'd make it easy for her. The girl didn't belong and by hell he'd make sure she knew it.

"We'll play 'Save Me.'" He growled over his shoulder. "Try not to fuck up too much, little girl."

Kagome frowned and Miroku caught her eye.

"Keep with me." He mouthed.

Kagome nodded and waited.

Miroku strummed heavily on his guitar and set in a steady rhythm. As he set the tempo he looked over at Kagome and nodded, signalling her to add the beat. She followed easily with him until she got comfortable and added more tempo. Soon enough Kouga and Sango jumped in and a steady choppy melody surrounded them.

All the while InuYasha was walking around them, watching as Miroku and Kouga grinned at the drummer. He internally seethed and moved to stand behind her, his aura radiating dominance though his expression was one of indifference.

Kouga leered at InuYasha before he flicked his cobalt eyes at Kagome, giving her a sly wink.

The singer nearly choked on his rage, partly from the audacity of his bass player, but also at the fact that the affection his friends were giving Kagome bothered him. The girl seemed to mould herself so easily into his group, much to his resentment. They knew how much he hated her kind, yet they seemed to envelope her without cause or remorse of how he felt about it. The anger was evident in his voice as he began to sing, his eyes piercing Kagome's back.

_If you don't know if you have found what you are looking for  
The silver-lining always starts to fade  
And what you don't know is that you don't know the truth anymore  
Now you try sleeping in the bed you have made_

InuYasha walked slowly around her, his eyes never leaving her frame, but his anger quickly seeped into a lustful hunt. He may resent the girl and the fact his friends seemed to adore her so much, but she did look fucking spicy in that outfit.

_The feeling is gone and the circle is broken  
Like water under a burning bridge  
A million words but nothing is spoken  
A deafening silence replaced by fear_

His golden eyes met her startled blue.

_Save me  
I can't find my way home_

He stood tall and proud in front of her, gazing down at her with an unrecognizable expression on his face as he sized her up fully. Her face seemed stern from concentration, yet serene as she let the music take her. InuYasha would have thought it breathtaking if he hadn't resented her so much.

_The grace I've fallen from  
The only truth I've ever known_

Kagome nearly faltered at the intensity of his gaze before InuYasha smirked, turned his back to her and walked casually around the room. He may be attracted to the little wench, but he'd be damned before he even thought of acting on it.

_So when you tell me what you tell me  
I can't take it anymore  
The same old story goes around and around_

InuYasha reached for his jacket that rested on a nearby chair and pulled out his pack of fags, studying them in boredom.

_You think that if you speak a little louder than you did before  
The point you make might somehow stick around_

He nonchalantly pulled a cigarette and Zippo lighter out of the pack and tossed the fags on the chair.

_If empathy is no more than a token  
I cry a river in the pouring rain _

He turned to look at Kagome over his shoulder.

_The princess still sleeps but she will be woken  
Her kiss of love is killing me_

He grinned slightly in carelessness before patting down the tip of his cigarette on his silver and red Zippo. He turned to walk casually towards the drums.

_Save me  
I can't find my way home  
The ground I'm walking on  
The only friend I've ever known_

His gaze flicked over Kagome's frame with a cold face but heated eyes. He stopped to stand a few feet from the front of the drum set, acting very apathetic to everything around him.

_Mother, Father  
The battle I fight is for no one  
No one but myself  
Brother, Sister  
The devil inside is my own now  
There's no way you could understand  
You don't understand_

InuYasha looked down and stared distantly at the unlit cigarette in his hand.

_You don't understand_

_You don't understand_

He placed the fag in his mouth and lit it, inhaling hard and slowly letting the smoke drift from his lips as if seductively kissing it from his lungs. He looked to the ground as if in a trance but still faced Kagome, oblivious to anyone else around him, just listening to the music. Kagome watched him intently, unable to pull her eyes away from his haunted countenance. His voice sounded rough and disturbed as he spoke the next verse.

_Save me_

_I can't find my way home_

_Save me_

His eyes slowly arched up to meet hers, but it seemed as if he was looking through her, disassociating himself from any semblance of her being there. Kagome quickly looked down, alarmed that the ice in him had almost burned to her soul.

_Save me_

_I can't find my way home_

_Save me_

He smirked in indifference, his eyes finally focusing on her before he turned to walk back to the center of the group. He saw her look away from him, and that small gesture of submission made his body quiver in desire. He mentally cringed. The idea of wanting her disturbed him enough that he nearly choked on the next line.

_Mother, Father  
The tears that you cry are for no one  
No one but yourself_

Blue eyes overwhelmed his mind as he shut them in revulsion from his own weak need.

_Brother, Sister  
I travel this road on my own now  
There's no way you could understand_

He opened his eyes quickly, trying to push the girl from his mind. He felt drained all of a sudden, and the remainder of the song was dead to him. It seemed as hollow as he felt. How can one fucking girl unnerve him so much with one damn look?

_Save me_

_I can't find my way home_

_The grace I've fallen from_

_The only truth I've ever known_

_Save me_

_I can't find my way home_

_The ground I'm walking on_

_The only friend I've ever known_

InuYasha tried to gain his composure as the music abruptly stopped. He inhaled another drag of his cigarette before tossing it on the concrete floor and dousing it. For some reason it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Kagome was panting slightly and grinned when Sango clapped her hands. "That rocked."

"Yeah, Kagome, you did very well, a few more practices in and it will be smooth all the way through. You're a natural." Miroku smiled.

"You certainly worked up a good sweat." Kouga's eyes danced over her salty slick frame, which made InuYasha's jaw clench in anger.

Kagome smiled back and wiped her brow. "Whew, it's a good warm up, for sure."

"Keh, you're sweating like a fucking pig." InuYasha gripped. "Shape fast up, girl, can't have you passing out after the first song."

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she met his gaze. Before she could open her mouth, a cold voice echoed through the warehouse.

"So you have found a drummer, little brother."

InuYasha shut his eyes briefly before turning to face the inevitable. "What the fuck do you want, Sesshomaru?"

A tall man wearing a crisp grey suit sauntered over to the group. "I am merely looking over my investment, InuYasha."

Kagome looked curiously over at the man. He was taller than InuYasha, and leaner, but he did look just as well built. He also shared the same gold eyes and long white hair, though Sesshomaru's looked finer. She would be blind to see they weren't related. She didn't realize she was studying him so long until InuYasha's face intercepted her view.

"Hey, Polly, pocket your tongue back in your mouth." He leered at her with disdain before turning back to his brother.

Kagome's mouth opened in indignation before she shut it in frustration. Why did he care what she looked at? And she wasn't fawning over his brother either. She turned away from the scene to reach in her bag for a different set of sticks in an attempt to ignore his rude behaviour.

"Stand up, girl."

Kagome flashed her eyes up at the older man, realizing he was talking to her. "I'm sorry?"

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "I told you to stand."

Kagome glanced at her band mates who eyed her and Sesshomaru curiously. InuYasha avoided looking at her altogether as he glared hard at his brother.

Kagome slowly stood, adjusting her shirt and pants to gain some sort of modesty in front of this strange man.

"Name?"

"Kagome, Sir." She bowed her head softly.

Sesshomaru quirked a brow and shifted his cold eyes to InuYasha. "Finally, one of your haphazard group members has learned manners and etiquette."

"Fuck off, Sess." InuYasha snarled and fiddled with the mike stand in front of him. "We have work to do, so if you're done harassing my band, please let the door hit you on your way out."

The elder brother ignored the snide comment as his eyes roamed quickly over Kagome. "From what I have heard so far, you show promise, keep it up."

Kagome blushed prettily at the praise. "Thank you, Sir." She bowed her head once again.

The tall man didn't even spare a glance at the rest of them before casting his eyes at the far wall. "Well, InuYasha, seeing as you're sober and your group is complete, am I safe to say there won't be any problems from here on in?"

InuYasha scowled. "There won't be if you leave."

Sesshomaru smirked and trailed his eyes over Kagome once more. "Then I will see you at the first challenge." He bowed his head slightly. "Kagome." With that he turned and headed out of the warehouse.

InuYasha stormed over to the door his brother just exited and pulled it down hard. He swung back around, his eyes narrowing on Kagome. "What the fuck was that?"

Kagome looked at Sango, Miroku and finally Kouga before looking at InuYasha in confusion. "Um, your brother?"

InuYasha grabbed a chair and tossed it furiously to the side of the room. "What the fuck were you doing flirting with him?"

Kagome's mouth dropped. "I didn't… I…."

"Save it, bitch." InuYasha snarled.

"InuYasha, you are being unreasonable." Miroku shouted and stood up beside Kagome. "Your brother knows exactly how to get on your nerves. Don't let him push you from your band."

InuYasha crossed his arms and turned away. "I knew this bitch was trouble the moment I laid eyes on her. Kouga should drum for us again."

The group sighed and looked at each other at a loss what to do.

Kagome looked at InuYasha crestfallen. Was he going to kick her out of the group? She didn't do anything wrong did she? She couldn't get kicked out. She needed to be here. She needed to help win the competitions. She needed the earnings. If she were kicked out now, what would happen to the Shikon House?

"InuYasha?" Kagome rushed to stand in front of him and led him away from the group. Her voice was soft and pleading. "Please don't kick me out. I promise to work hard. I will do whatever you say, just please, don't kick me out."

InuYasha was stunned for a moment. He had no intention of kicking her out of the group. She was too good to let go, though he'd never admit that to her. But still, she did things to him that he didn't care for. He actually felt jealous when Kouga and Sesshomaru looked at her, and he hated it. He hated having any sort of attachment in anyway to anyone, let alone a church mouse. Correction, especially a goddamn church mouse.

It's just because she's dressed like that, he told himself. But he couldn't tell her to not wear it. It was he that wanted them to fit the style to begin with. His eyes roamed her body quickly. Damn if she didn't look so fucking tight and ripe for the plucking, though.

She looked up at him so trustingly, so innocently desiring, that it made his skin crawl and burn. Those damn fucking eyes. He wanted to wipe that virtue from her face. He wanted to twist and mould her into darkness, so she would be a hollow shell like the rest of them. Then she wouldn't be so alluring. Then she wouldn't entice him to feel anything. God, she was so fucking pure, so fucking natural and good. He felt an overwhelming need to break her spirit to prove that such sweet and happy things were weak and fleeting. By breaking her he would free himself from that craving, the craving to feel something good and wonderful again.

His mind seemed to flash at his epiphany. Break her spirit. Fuck, it was so easy he almost laughed. All he needed to do was humiliate her and degrade her to a point where she'd crack. If it didn't make her quit, it would by hell harden her. And by the looks of her it wouldn't take much at all. The waif looked as if a hard sneeze would knock her down.

His golden eyes darkened. "You do as I say?"

Kagome nodded, a soft smile growing on her face with hope.

InuYasha grinned menacingly, though he had to control the urge to grip her throat and kiss her hard from the look she was giving him. "You keep on my good side, you stay. You piss me off, you're out on your god loving ass, got it."

Kagome's eyes widened slightly as her smiled faded. "Y…yes."

His eyes flicked to the group who were watching them cautiously from the back corner. "Get back to the drums, bitch, and don't even look at anyone but me."

Kagome nodded and headed back to the drums. 'Only until the competition, only four weeks and I won't have to worry because I'll be in.'

InuYasha smirked. 'I'll have her broken before the competition. Then there will be no more distractions. She will be mine to do as I want.'

-+-

A/N – Save Me by KMFDM


	4. Hooky

Kagome collapsed on her bed, not even bothering to take off her t-shirt and jeans. All she wanted to do right then was black out and wake up sometime next year. It was becoming too much of a strain on her. She couldn't remember having a full night's rest anymore. It wasn't enough that she was up at the crack of dawn to help the kids get ready for school or the various activities they were in during the day, but that she was also spending her nights rehearsing under that slave driver, InuYasha.

He was going hardcore. Every night for the past few weeks he was drilling her with new songs and movements. Even after the rest of the band had stopped, he would keep her there, drumming hard and long until her body shook with exhaustion. If she even dared to stop he would insult her, threaten her and even more aggravating, just look at her without saying anything at all. She always held her tongue, always did as he said, yet nothing she did was good enough. He seemed to delight in making her suffer. If it wasn't so important, if her faith wasn't so strong, she was sure she would have cracked long ago.

A light flashed on, making her want to cry as she buried her face into her pillow.

"Kagome?" Ayame looked groggily at her from her bed beside Kagome's. "You just getting in? It's three a.m.!"

"I am aware of the time." The exhausted drummer muffled through her pillow.

"What's that all over your pillow?"

Kagome regrettably lifted her head to look, before flopping her face back down. "Eye liner."

"Eww, Kags, you look awful."

'No kidding? You try playing a hundred songs over and over until some overtired Goth woman smacks an irate white haired overlord, who has all of our futures in the palm of his hands by the way, across the back of the head and tells him to get out of her warehouse or she'll castrate him, making him mad and having him say horrid things to you that would make even Satan, himself, blush with shame.' Kagome groaned. 'And only two weeks until the competition.' Kagome reached up to the lamp. "Off."

Ayame frowned and reached for the lamp to turn it off. "I hope you know what you're doing, Kagome. You can't keep up like this."

Kagome didn't answer, her last thought as she drifted into unconsciousness was 'It doesn't matter. I have to.'

- -

Kagome woke up the next day feeling oddly refreshed. She looked to the bedside table that she and Ayame shared and her eyes flashed wide in horror. "Two p.m.!"

She sat up and darted her eyes around, trying to catch her bearings. She slept in! She never slept in! She had to make the children's breakfast and lunches and help Kaede in the garden and teach Shippou a new drumbeat and meet with Hojo about fund-raising for the orphanage….

'Oh no!' She began to look around for her clothing only to realize she was still wearing her clothing from yesterday afternoon, having changed back into them after last night's rehearsal.

She jumped from the bed and thundered out of the room towards the girl's bathroom, grabbing a towel from the hall closet as she ran. She never took notice of the clean rooms or the fact there were no children near by. She jumped in the shower and within three minutes she was running back to her room for a fresh shirt, her other having been stained with black eye liner somehow.

"Lady Kaede?" Kagome called, pulling her shirt down as she ran down the stairs.

"Kaede? Ayame?" Searching the kitchen and dining room, Kagome became frantic. Twenty people just don't disappear. Where was everyone?

Laughter outside caught her attention and Kagome jogged to the back door and sighed in relief. Kaede and a few of the children were enjoying the sunshine of a beautiful spring day. Several children were pulling weeds from the lawn, while others assisted Kaede in the garden, pouring seeds and dirt everywhere. Kagome gazed around in awe.

"Kagome!" Shippou launched himself in her arms, nearly knocking her down.

"Ship? What's going on? What's everyone doing?" Kagome held on to him trying to gather her bearings.

Kaede looked up from her gardening. "We are doing what we normally do, child."

"But, I slept in." Kagome looked around in confusion.

"Aye, we let you sleep." Kaede stood up slowly, stretching her sore legs. "You have been doing so much lately that we agreed to let you rest."

"You were beginning to freak us out, Kags." Kohaku smiled as he walked past her, carrying a few cans of drink to give to the kids.

"Yeah, the circles under your eyes had circles." Shippou turned to Kaede. "Right, Lady Kaede?"

"Aye." Kaede smiled.

Kagome smiled distractedly and looked around once more. "Where is everyone? Where is Ayame?"

"It's Saturday. The older ones went to the mall with Yuka and Ayume, Eri is teaching some of the girls dance in the basement, and Ayame is meeting with Hojo about getting some extra money in." Kaede huffed as she kneeled down by the garden once again.

"But I was supposed to…."

"Kagome," Kaede looked stern though her eye held comfort and humour, "when you go out on this War of the Bands, how do you intend to run the orphanage?"

Kagome opened her mouth and then shut it. "Well, I, uh…."

"Mhm." Kaede eyed her knowingly. "I have been running this shelter for a long time now, and I think we can handle things quite well without you for awhile."

Kagome opened her mouth in hurt. "But, Lady Kaede…."

Kaede chuckled. "I said we could, never said we wanted to. Kagome, you are an inspiration for this house, but everyone here knows you need to rest and relax too. You are doing too much and it's not healthy, child."

Kagome looked over at the kids. "You all feel this way?"

If Kagome was expecting any response she was sorely disappointed. It seemed no one had even heard her, and few even noticed she was standing there. Looking at all of them, Kagome sighed. "I'm not sure what to do now."

Kaede chuckled. "If you are that lost that you cannot even think of what to do on a day off then you surely need more days off. Take Kohaku and Shippou and get groceries if that will ease your soul."

"Ulgh, groceries?" Kohaku grimaced. He cast his nutmeg eyes at Kagome. "Leave me out of that. I'm going to practice the guitar some more. Ayame mentioned something about putting on a concert to raise funds."

"A concert?" Kagome looked stunned. Who knew Ayame had such great ideas?

"Yeah, she's gone to talk to Hojo about it now. It'd be great to finally get the band off the ground." The brown haired teen smiled before sauntering in the house. "Later, Kags."

Kagome looked around numbly. 'Do they really not need me?'

"Um, Kagome?"

Kagome looked down into Shippou's dark blue eyes.

"Are we getting groceries?" He smiled.

Kagome smiled back. 'They may not need me, but I need them.' "Yeah, Ship, let's go."

- -

Kagome strolled casually down the boardwalk, looking distractedly at the various stores that lined the walkway. She and Shippou didn't pick up very much, a few loaves of bread, jam and suckers for the both of them. She knew grocery shopping was a pointless excuse, since they had an arranged shipment of groceries brought to the house every week. But she had to admit going out was what she needed.

Pulling the sucker out of her mouth, she grinned down at Shippou who was idly sucking on his own candy while looking curiously in a shop window. "What are you looking at, Ship?"

Shippou glanced up at her before pointing at the window. "Look."

Kagome followed the direction of his finger. "Oh wow." Her eyes roamed over the picture of a large estate for sale. Its domestic style three story house was soft and alluring, but more so the setting on which the house was on. Acres of forest and field surrounded the house and Kagome could see an outline of water in the distance. It was beautiful.

"I'll live in a house like that someday." Shippou said quietly.

Kagome looked down at him, her eyes grew sad by the longing on his face. Shippou, like most of the orphans that came to Shikon House, was witness to the destruction and brutality of war. His mother died when he was young, so Shippou was raised solely by his father. That is until he saw his father shot and killed outside their house during a gang war. He had nightmares for several months, and he was openly hostile for a long time. But they refused to give up on him. They refused to give up on any of them.

Sadly, they had lost a few children through gangs and drugs, but none were ever refused a home. Unfortunately, Shikon House was not a stable home. They struggled daily to keep the contract going in order to keep the orphanage open. But a lot of the money spent to keep it open was needed to upkeep the house. It was in a terrible state of disrepair, most of which she and the others tried to fix on their own, but it was a lost cause.

Looking at the beautiful house in the picture, Kagome felt a dull ache. She knew what Shippou felt. Everyone wanted a home and a family. Everyone needed a stable place, especially one not threatened to be taken away.

Kagome hugged Shippou's shoulders. "Yeah. One day, Shippou, you'll have a house like that."

The red head smiled softly. "Will you come live with me, Kagome?"

"Of course I will, Shippou, if you promise I can have my own room." Kagome grinned, ushering him away from the window.

Shippou chuckled. "Yeah, me too. Kohaku stinks."

"Shippou!" Kagome laughed. "That's not nice, besides, what about me? I have to share a room with Ayame."

Shippou laughed and popped his sucker back in his mouth.

"Kagome?"

The raven-haired woman turned around and smiled brightly. "Hey, Sango!"

Sango and Miroku moved through the crowd to catch up to them. Kagome noticed their hands were joined before Sango quickly let go. Grinning to herself, Kagome waited for them to draw up beside her.

"What're you guys doing here?"

Sango shrugged. "Miro, Ko and I needed to get out, so figured we check out the market."

"Kouga's here, too?" Kagome glanced around.

"Yeah," Sango flicked her head over her shoulder. "He's checking out bootlegged disks."

Kagome laughed. "Someday he'll find ours there."

Sango grinned. "Someday soon, for sure."

"So, Kagome, I see you're into younger men?" Miroku winked.

Kagome looked down to see Shippou blushing at Sango, and with just cause. The woman was wearing a form fitting tank and tight jeans. Her long brown hair was loose today and she had a hint of pink eye shadow on. Kagome smiled. Sango never realized just how beautiful she was, but she knew Miroku noticed Sango quite well. And by the looks of things, they were finally coming to terms with their feelings, though it was already obvious to the rest of the group. "Sorry, this here is Shippou."

"Hey, Shippou." Miroku grinned. "And how do you happen to know our fair Kagome?"

"She lives with me." Shippou stated simply.

"Oh?" Miroku gave Kagome a lecherous smile.

Kagome's mouth opened in disgusted horror before Shippou replied.

"Yeah, at the orphanage."

Kagome shut her mouth quickly. She hadn't told anyone where she lived yet, though she wasn't really hiding it. It wasn't that she was ashamed of it, she just didn't like where questions would lead.

"Orphanage?" Sango eyed Kagome curiously, her eyes wide and somewhat shocked.

Kagome avoided her gaze, knowing what Sango wanted to ask. "I work there." She quickly stated.

"Oh." Sango looked down, and Kagome couldn't help but feel she was disappointed.

"Hey, Kags." Kouga meandered over to them, smiling slyly down at Kagome before flicking his eyes in boredom at Shippou.

"Hello, Kouga." She smiled before looking down at the boy who seemed to stiffen beside her. "This is Shippou. Shippou, this is Kouga, Miroku and Sango. They are my band mates."

"Yo." Kouga gave the kid a quick nod before turning to Sango. "Tell her the news?"

"No, shit, almost forgot." Sango grinned happily. "Sesshomaru got us in at E.Z!"

"E.Z.?" Kagome looked from Sango to Kouga and back.

"It's a rock bar. Hottest one going around. People there are hardcore when it comes to music. They don't just let anyone play." Sango stated excitedly. "Man, Kags, if they like us there then we are set for the competition."

"Th…that's great." Kagome's chest began to thunder. Perform in a bar? "When?"

"Next Thursday." Sango said and looked at Kagome's worried expression. "You have nothing to worry about, Kags. The way InuYasha's been working you, you should know

the songs better than the rest of us. You'll be great."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "And with this concert, I'm sure he'll be working us twice as hard."

"Not tonight, though." Sango smirked. "We're playing hooky."

"We are?"

"Yeah, if you left your cell on, we would have been able to tell you." Sango winked.

Kagome flushed and looked down at her phone. She forgot to recharge the battery. Man, she really was out of it to neglect that. "And InuYasha's okay with this?" She asked, glancing up.

"I'm sure once he finds out he'd be fine with it." Miroku chuckled.

"He doesn't know?" Kagome looked at him stunned.

"You even know what hooky is, Kags?" Sango smiled and rolled her eyes.

Kagome frowned. "He's not going to be happy."

"Fuck him." Kouga growled before realizing Shippou was still there. "Sorry."

"Pfft. It's one night, and he's been working like a dog, and that's not like him at all. He needs a break, too." Sango reasoned. "Besides, I left a message on his cell saying we aren't coming tonight, so he's been warned."

Kagome grinned. "Well, alright then."

"Since you're here, we may as well check out new outfits for the shows." Sango grabbed Kagome's hand and began to lead her towards the shops.

"Aw man." Shippou groaned. Miroku and Kouga nodded in agreement as all three followed begrudgingly behind.

- -

InuYasha read the flashing message on his cell. "_Dickhead, got you the day off. Don't fuck yourself too hard_."

He smirked and clicked the phone shut. His golden eyes scanned the massive red door of the large stone mansion and he walked inside without knocking. He shut the door loudly as soon as he entered, gazing around the stark foyer in feigned boredom. He hated this place. He hated the sight, hated the smell and hated each memory this house held. More so he hated...

"I see you took the time from your busy schedule to finally come down." Sesshomaru leered as he walked onto the foyer from his den. His amber eyes roamed to the large bay window to see a red Harley Davidson parked outside with the kanji 'Tetsusaiga' marked on the side. "I see you brought the monstrosity. I could hear you arrive a kilometre down the road."

InuYasha growled. "Shut up, you fucking fairy."

"Language, children are about." His brother smirked and crossed his arms. "Why are you here?"

InuYasha shrugged and looked around the foyer once more before casting his eyes on the grand staircase that lead from the foyer to the second floor. He snorted. "She still breathing?"

"She's still here, yes. Are you going to go see her?" Sesshomaru lifted a brow in question.

InuYasha studied a vase in the far corner. "Why else would I come home?"

Sesshomaru frowned and looked up the stairs. "You know where her room is."

"Keh." InuYasha crossed his arms and shuffled slowly to the stairs.

"Do you think you'll make it up the stairs this time?" His brother smiled hatefully and turned to walk towards the den without a second glance.

InuYasha held in the need to jump his brother and sighed. He eyed the stairs warily then up at the landing. Slowly he stepped up them, his eyes set on twin beige doors that were closed at the top. His heart began to pound heavily against his chest as if it were trying to escape. How could this one thing terrify him beyond all recognition?

He felt a cold sweat begin to form on his face and he felt suddenly sick. He stopped in the middle of the staircase. He trembled violently and shut his eyes, quickly blocking out the twin doors ahead of him. His fingers gripped the banister hard before he turned and ran down the stairs and out of the house, slamming the door hard behind him. He quickly straddled his Harley, revved it and tore out of the driveway without looking back.

Sesshomaru shook his head as he watched from the bay window. "It wasn't your fault, InuYasha."


	5. No One is Innocent

InuYasha flicked the spent joint from his fingers and blew out the tingling smoke. God he hated Mondays. He shut his eyes slightly and let his body shiver away his inhibitions. 'Fuck yeah.'

Leaning against the wall of the warehouse, InuYasha waited with crossed arms. He'd been working the new drummer hard to the point where he stumbled home too exhausted to speak. Fuck, he never even had the time or energy to get himself wasted since she started. Well, aside from the two-four he polished off over the weekend. Fucking Sesshomaru and fucking damned….

He growled and shook his head from the thought. The only thing that would make him feel better now was the thought of making the drummer suffer. But Kagome never wavered. She never once cried, yelled or complained. She just watched him with those insufferable eyes. He insulted, he degraded, hell, even come close to wanting to hit her sometimes. But she just kept going. She acted so high above it all that nothing he said or did touched her. The times he thought he brought her down, cut her deep to the core, she would just shut her eyes and smile softly, before looking at him so openly he thought for certain he'd fall to his knees before her. And he hated her all the more for it. How was it possible for something so frail to stand so strong against his assault? He cringed slightly at what he had to do, but he had no choice. It was time to step it up a notch.

His eyes rolled open as he heard the wail of a fan belt come closer. He winced at the noise as Kagome's car came into view to park in the alleyway where he stood. 'Bitch has got to get herself a better set of fucking wheels.'

Kagome stepped out of her car, pulling a yellow backpack out with her. InuYasha frowned at her beige cargo Capri's and loose baby blue tank that she wore. She looked too cute, and the last thing he needed from her was to be cute.

"Bitch, what the fuck did I tell you about image?"

Kagome jumped and rounded on him. Her eyes relaxed as she finally took notice of him and she smiled brightly. "Oh, InuYasha, thank goodness. It's just you."

InuYasha roamed his eyes up and down her fully and moved to stand in front of her. The world seemed to melt away, leaving only him to gaze at this small innocent before him as she stared wide-eyed up at him. How easily she was swallowed in his shadow.

He looked deeply into her soft eyes and cupped her chin. "Why do you always park here? A small thing like you can get hurt out here all alone." He murmured and his golden eyes flicked up and down her cherub face.

Kagome blushed as she pulled her chin from his grasp and looked down. "Nothing can hurt me, InuYasha."

The man's eyes darkened and he stepped back. "What makes you so sure? Your God tell you that?"

Kagome lifted her eyes to meet his and she smiled softly. "Yes."

InuYasha clenched his teeth in anger and he had to fist his hands to keep from pounding something. It was no secret he held contempt for faith and those who followed it, but his reasons were his own. People just accepted the fact that when it came to God, they best shut up about it. Yet Kagome never feared his wrath. Though she never openly acknowledged her beliefs, her entire being radiated it. Each time he called her on it, argued against it and even blasphemed her God, she never said a word. She just smiled softly and waited for him to get tired of yelling.

Even now, she just smiled.

"I know because you are here, InuYasha. No one can hurt me when you're around."

Golden eyes searched her face intently. Was she serious? InuYasha felt his chest tighten at her harmless response. 'She actually trusts me?' His heart sped up slightly and he felt sick all of a sudden. He grimaced as if in pain. "Don't be so fucking sure."

Kagome looked up at him in worry. "InuYasha?" She reached up to touch his face but he slapped her hand away, making her look at him in concerned confusion.

InuYasha shut his eyes and smirked. "I rather you were afraid, Kagome." He opened his eyes slightly and moved closer to her. He grinned lustily as she instinctively backed up against the wall behind her. He pressed his body against hers and stared down into her wide blue eyes before he dipped his mouth down to brush against her neck. He grinned softly against her flesh when he heard her gasp.

He whispered huskily against the pulse in her throat, his hot breath tickling in her ear. "In fact, it would be safer for you to be terrified of me."

"Why should I be afraid of you, InuYasha?" Kagome asked quietly.

Lifting his head to search her face, InuYasha growled angrily. Her eyes were wide, but only in curiosity. That damn innocence, untainted and unmarred, reflected in those warm depths. Did the woman not know pain? Did she not know fear and hatred? Fuck, he was practically assaulting her and she just stood there oblivious to it all. Didn't she know what he was capable of? He grinned sadistically to himself. No, but she will soon enough.

He pushed himself off of her and leered down at her clothing. "I told you to not wear that shit."

Kagome looked at her clothing and then to her bag. "I have my other clothes here."

InuYasha thrust his fist against the wall beside her head, making the siding shudder and ring in the assault, yet she never even flinched. His eyes flashed fury as he looked down at her. "You are supposed to be wearing them." He stated through clenched teeth. He knew he was acting like a complete asshole, but damn it all that he could never gain control of her.

Kagome looked up at him in concern. "InuYasha, please understand. I can't wear that type of clothing at work."

"This is your work, girl. I am your boss and I am your job, and if I catch you not wearing what I want, then consider yourself out on your worthless ass." He grabbed her bag from her hand and thrust it against her chest. "Not saying it just about isn't already." He sneered and pushed her body roughly against the wall before walking around the corner and out of her sight.

Kagome clutched her bag tightly to her and watched him disappear. Looking back down at her belongings, she let out the breath she had been holding and shut her eyes to gain back her composure. InuYasha always made it difficult on her, but she refused to give him the satisfaction. She knew he was trying to make her quit or submit to him, but she also knew if she did, she would never gain his respect.

She opened her eyes to stare up at the sky. "Dear Lord, give me patience." She sighed and nodded to herself. "Step one, get changed before you get here, you never know if InuYasha will be early." She smiled slightly and followed InuYasha's trail to the warehouse door.

"Hey, Kags." Kouga grinned lazily as she entered.

Kagome smiled and opened her mouth to respond before InuYasha cut her off.

"Hey, shit brick, watch what you're doing." He yelled as Kouga shifted the base drum.

Kagome couldn't see anything wrong with how Kouga was handling the drum before InuYasha hissed at her. He nodded his head to the bathroom, signalling her to get changed. She nodded softly and jogged to the bathroom, oblivious to two sets of eyes watching her intently.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kouga griped once Kagome was in the bathroom.

"What's it to you, jackass?" InuYasha frowned as he began wiring the mikes and amps.

"You're treating her like shit, man. There's no need for it." Kouga growled as he finished setting up the drums.

"What the fuck are you getting on with?" The silver haired singer turned his back to the dark haired man, hoping to end the conversation.

"You know exactly what I'm getting on with. Insulting her, working her the way you have…." Kouga pulled at InuYasha's shoulder to force him to face him. "You've been on her case since she started. What's your deal?"

InuYasha shoved Kouga away from him. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"You do if you keep treating her like that." Kouga seethed.

"Keh, worried I'm upsetting your girlfriend?" InuYasha grinned though his eyes shot poison at the man.

"I'm telling you to back off, man. There's no reason to treat her like that. She knows the songs. She isn't going to fuck up the band if that's what you're worried about."

"Don't matter what she knows, it's what she is that's the problem." InuYasha hissed and turned back to what he was doing.

"And just what the fuck is she?" Kouga growled.

InuYasha rounded on him. "A fucking bible pusher. A holier-than-thou-Mother-fucking-Mary. The girl doesn't know anything. She never felt the pain any of us knew. She doesn't have any fucking clue about us or of what we are. All she knows are rainbows and unicorns in that fucking daydream she calls a life."

"How do you know, InuYasha?" Miroku walked up casually beside him, having entered the warehouse to overhear their conversation. "Ever ask her?"

InuYasha shot his gaze to his friend. "All you have to do is look at the bitch to know. She's just so goddamned…."

"Pure?" Miroku grinned softly as he bent over to fiddle with his amp. "She does seem very tender towards the darker side of life. Almost as if she is untouched by it."

InuYasha studied the man quickly before he smirked. "Is that why I have never seen you grope her? Fuck, Miro, she is the only thing with a cunt you've never grabbed."

Miroku sighed and looked up at the silver haired man. "I have my reasons for not pursuing her."

"Yeah, the fact Sango will have your balls on a platter."

Miroku grinned sheepishly and looked back down to the amp. "Perhaps."

"Listen, dogshit," Kouga grounded out, "back off on Kagome. She's a great girl, works hard and doesn't judge. Doesn't matter what she thinks. She's never pushed it on us. She leaves us alone so we should leave her alone."

"Speak for yourself." InuYasha grumbled. "God doesn't exist and people like her shouldn't either."

Miroku gave him a queer look before turning back to the instruments.

"What?" The irate man barked.

"I have faith, InuYasha." Miroku stated quietly. "You know that."

InuYasha studied his friend quietly before turning to glare at the wall. "Yeah, but you're different."

"And why is that?"

InuYasha glanced at Miroku's gloved hand. "You just are."

Miroku shook his head. "Don't let my past be the reason why you tolerate my beliefs, InuYasha. We all have our reasons for living the way we do. She just happens to have her own. It shouldn't be up to us to ask her why."

"Feh. Why can't she be bloody normal?" InuYasha crossed his arms and closed his eyes in irritation.

Miroku looked him over for a few moments and he smiled slightly. "Oh, I see."

"What?" Kouga asked.

InuYasha glared hard at guitarist before turning away.

"You like her." Miroku stated quietly.

"What?" Kouga asked stunned before looking at the fuming singer. He began to laugh. "Oh my fucking god! You like her? The man with no fucking soul is in love with God girl? Oh this is fucking rich!"

InuYasha flared. "Don't talk shit, you fucking son of a bitch! She is just damn whore like the rest of them."

"Yeah, and you can't wait to be her little puppy." Kouga leered before InuYasha's fist connected with his jaw, sending him to the floor.

Kouga shook his head and looked up in vehemence before launching himself at InuYasha. Both men rolled heavily on the floor, punching and thrashing on each other.

"InuYasha!" Miroku tried to pull the man off of Kouga but got knocked back in the process.

"Miroku!" Sango emerged from the bathroom and ran over to the fallen man, helping him to stand.

Kagome had followed Sango out of the bathroom, now dressed in her black outfit, and her shadowed eyes widened in fright from the scene. She ran over and stopped short of the fight. "InuYasha!"

InuYasha lifted his head instinctively from the terror laced in her voice. His eyes met hers and he felt his heart stop when he saw tears rim her eyes as she looked at him in worried panic. Unfortunately it left an opening for Kouga to punch the side of his face, knocking him off the man completely.

Kouga stood and was about to wail on the prone singer some more before Kagome rushed over and wrapped her arms around his chest.

"Kouga! Stop!" She whimpered into his black tank shirt.

Kouga looked down at the frail girl in his arms in shock. "Kagome?"

"Don't hurt him, please."

InuYasha struggled to heave his body up from the floor. He coughed heavily and spat out blood before he looked up to see Kagome hugging onto Kouga. His eyes flashed fire as he stood up shakily.

"Fuck this!" He rasped in fury while clutching at his side. "I'm out of here." He stumbled over to the warehouse door and staggered out of sight.

Kagome immediately pulled herself from Kouga and looked up at him. "Oh, you're bleeding!" She rushed to the bathroom to gather some tissue, wetting a few bunches in the process.

Sango looked from Kouga to Miroku in shocked anger. "What the fuck was that about?"

Miroku looked up at Kouga, seeing his busted lip and bruised jaw. "A misunderstanding."

Kouga looked back at the man and reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, just a bad choice of words."

"Damn it, Kouga." Sango tilted his face to the side. "Look at you."

Kagome came running out of the bathroom just then and pulled a chair beside her. "Sit!"

Kouga didn't need to be told twice, the icy fire in Kagome's eyes was terrifying enough for him to not refuse. He sat on the chair and grunted in pain. He winced when Kagome dabbed at his lip. "Fuck, Kagome! That hurts!"

"Oh shush, why must you swear so much? It's just a darned cut!" She scolded.

Kouga flinched his face away. "Still hurts."

"And here I thought a punch in the face felt like kitten kisses." Kagome frowned and shook her head. "Honestly, you act worse than the children at the Shikon House."

Kouga looked down and frowned. Having being called on something like this never normally fazed him. Hell, he spent most of his life fighting and being chased by cops for his violence when he was involved in the gang wars. Fighting was his life and his reason for survival. But it hurt being scolded by Kagome. It was if he disappointed her, and it cut deep.

Sango and Miroku looked at each other then at Kagome. The girl had no qualms at seeing blood or handling fights. She never even seemed to think as she put herself between InuYasha and Kouga.

Miroku frowned. Whatever InuYasha had against her, he knew it was unwarranted. The more he watched Kagome, the more he knew she was not the naïve girl they took her for.

"Sango?"

Sango looked startled by Kagome's serious tone. "Yeah?"

"Take this, please, and clean him off." She thrust some tissue at Sango before stalking over to the warehouse door. "I'm going to check on InuYasha."

Sango looked from the tissue to the girl. "Kagome, I don't think…."

Kagome turned and smiled gently at her. "It's ok, just dab at the cut until it stops bleeding and get some ice for his jaw. I'll only be a minute." She disappeared around the door.

"That's not what I meant." Sango frowned but she did as Kagome instructed. "Miroku, I think you should follow her."

Miroku shook his head. "She can handle him fine. Besides, knowing InuYasha, he's got ride coming for him."

Sango looked up at him before shaking her head angrily and continued to dab at Kouga's lip, annoyed that the tissue kept breaking off and getting in the cut.

Kagome looked into the alleyway and frowned. No InuYasha. She sighed and closed her eyes. Breathing deep, she grimaced, and moved down the alley to emerge behind the warehouse. She smiled softly in relief to see that InuYasha was sitting on the curb smoking on a cigarette.

"Damn, bitch, can't seem to get rid of you." He growled, exhaling grey smoke.

Kagome breathed out softly as she stepped quietly over to him and sat down beside him.

"You going to say anything?" InuYasha said numbly as he picked blood from his fingernails.

Kagome smiled softly and looked at the pavement in front of her. "Do I need to say anything?"

"Keh." He inhaled another drag.

Kagome studied him from the corner of her eye. He didn't seem worse for wear. There were a few bruises, but nothing that wouldn't heal over time. Her eyes drifted to his hand. "You're bleeding." She stated softly.

"Does it scare you?" He raked his tongue across his teeth and coughed, spitting out a little blood. "Think I'll give you some disease if you touch me?"

She turned her head and looked at him fully with gentle grace. "Will you let me take care of you?"

He glanced at her before rolling his eyes and stared off ahead of him. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't talk to me like that." He growled.

Kagome opened her mouth to ask what he meant but then shut it. She lifted her fist and opened her hand in front of him. A soft white handkerchief, sodden with water, lay crumpled in her hand. "Here."

InuYasha looked at it and pushed her hand away. "I'm sure your boyfriend needs it more."

"I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm giving it to you." She opened her hand again in offering.

InuYasha studied it for a few moments before he hesitantly reached for it. He held the small cloth in one hand, looking at it intently before tossing his smoke away and dabbing the blood from his knuckles. He leered at it as he watched his blood stain the pure white cotton. "So you giving me this thing make me your boyfriend?"

Kagome blushed slightly. "It doesn't make you anything to me. You are what you already are."

"And that is?" He looked at her with a mock grin.

Kagome just smiled her soft smile. "You."

InuYasha held his snide grin as he wrapped the handkerchief around his hand. Even after the fight she just witnessed she acted as if all was right with the world. "Keh. When are you going to realize the truth?"

"Truth?" She tilted her head.

"God doesn't exist and the world is a fucking mess." He stood and dusted his pants off.

Kagome stood up beside him. "Everyone has their own truth." She stated softly.

"Stupid bitch." He chuckled. "The truth is I think you're afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah, afraid to realize faith is just a sham to make everyone think things will get better by miraculous means when all they do is fuck up the world more by waiting for God to fix it."

Kagome nodded. "Yes. That happens."

InuYasha looked down at her stunned. "So you agree that faith is a crock of shit?"

Kagome shook her head and looked down. "No, I'm saying that everyone makes it into something they want it to be. And some do use it for harm than good. It then becomes a matter of seeing who does what with it."

InuYasha shook his head. "Whatever, I've seen enough in my life to know God doesn't exist, and to have anyone think otherwise makes them the most ignorant person on the fucking planet."

Kagome just smiled softly.

InuYasha's eyes narrowed at her. "We lived through the most bloodiest war this world had ever seen. If it wasn't bombs, guns or people that killed, it was poison, sickness and disease. Where was God when the world was going to hell in a hand basket?"

Kagome shrugged. "Where He needed to be."

"Oh for fuck sakes, there's no getting through to you is there?" He snarled.

Kagome looked up at him curiously.

"You're a sick bitch." He growled. "You tell those orphans you work with that their parents are with God. That there's no pain and everyone is happy and everything happens for a fucking reason?"

Kagome looked down.

"Those kids should know one thing and one thing only. Stick to their own. God's not real. He was made up so people wouldn't be afraid of dying and that their pathetic existence would actually be worth something even when they did shit all." He lifted her face abruptly to look up at him. "This world is made by those who make it something. And I'm going to be one of them. My name is going to be remembered, bitch, and I will be revered as a god. And people will know I exist."

Kagome pulled her face from his grasp. "Things exist if we believe in them or not."

InuYasha blinked and stepped back. "What?"

Kagome looked up at him sadly. "I know the truth, InuYasha. Even if people don't believe in something, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. You have a name, InuYasha, and even though many don't know it, you do exist."

InuYasha looked at her in hateful fear and began to back away from her. "What the fuck are you getting on with?"

She looked into his eyes, her pale blue orbs like whispers of heaven. "I believe in you."

Undeniable rage flooded his body and he lunged at her. "Shut the fuck up!" He pushed her hard, making her stumble and fall back heavily, hitting her head hard against the cement.

Kagome gasped as the pain stunned her briefly. She gripped the back of her head and winced as she tried to sit up.

InuYasha shook his head in confusion, anger and guilt. He wanted to reach for her, to apologize and comfort her, but she stirred things in him he never wanted to surface. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but stopped when her eyes opened to look into his own.

Instead of anger and hate, they were filled with sadness and understanding.

His heart lurched in his chest and his concern was swallowed by terror. "Stay the fuck away from me!"

A loud beep made him jump and he turned to see the familiar grey Lexus drive up beside him. He spared Kagome a glance before he ran over to the passenger side and quickly got in.

Kagome stood up and looked at him through the windshield, but he avoided her gaze. Her eyes flicked to the woman in the driver's side. Cold calculating eyes leered back at her with disdain before the car pulled away.

Kagome shook her head sadly as she watched them drive off. "Oh, InuYasha. I believe in you."


	6. Crack

"Where the fuck is he?" Sango paced back and forth in the stockroom, her voice nervous and upset.

Kagome watched her worriedly. She hated seeing her friend so distressed. InuYasha hadn't shown up for practice since the fight four nights ago, and now the band waited in the stockroom at E.Z. hoping for him to show.

"He'll be here, he's never missed a show." Miroku frowned. He wanted to believe what he just said but there was no point. He hadn't been able to reach his friend since Monday and knew InuYasha was most likely fucked over from whatever he managed to get off of Kikyo. He just prayed the man wasn't dead.

"I swear to God!" Sango yelled as she paced across the room.

"Swear to God that we will do our best, and we will make it through tonight." Kagome stated softly.

Sango glared at her before slumping her shoulders. "Damn it, Kagome, this is serious. People here will most likely be at the competition next week. If they like us here means they'll vote for us next week. We can't fuck up tonight." Tears began to rim her eyes as she tried to fight her fear. "God, Kagome, I need this. I need to get out of this city and make a life for myself."

Kagome looked at her stunned before turning to Kouga and Miroku. Both looked pissed beyond belief, but extremely worried too. She knew what this meant to them. She had gotten to know her band mates over the last few weeks. Though they had kept much to themselves about their personal lives, Kagome was able to piece together their pasts.

Kouga used to be in a gang before he joined the group. All he had was his fists and wit before he cleaned up his act and got a job. Miroku was a mail sorter, working contract, because he could never hold a stable position. Sango never talked much about her past, mentioning once about having a brother. But Kagome knew she worked mornings at a small diner, barely making ends meet. They were all alone before they were brought together by InuYasha and formed Perdition. In reality, they had only each other.

To the three that stood in the room with her, the War of the Bands was not a matter of money and prestige. They needed it to survive. They were taking a massive gamble going into it, and Kagome knew it was their last chance. If they didn't make this, they may not make it all. Her heart fell. She couldn't let them fail. She won't let them fail.

Her eyes turned ice as she looked at them. "We'll get through this." She walked over to the door. "We have another twenty minutes, I'll check to see if he's out there."

Kagome walked quickly down the hallway to the side entrance of the small stage. Her eyes looked over the set up before looking out at the crowd. The bar was full and loud. How was she to ever find anyone in this?

"Kagome!"

Kagome spun around, her heart in her throat.

Ayame jogged over towards her with Hojo in tow.

"Ayame? Hojo? What are you doing here?" Kagome felt her stomach clench.

"Wow, Kaggy, look at you. Very hot." The red haired girl grinned.

Kagome blushed, looking down at her black leather outfit. The pants were ripped along her thighs and calves, as was the front of the shirt, just barely hiding her breasts. Her hair was the usual stage ponytail and she wore the trademark make-up. It was definitely not the uniform for an orphanage director. She fidgeted her hands to hide her chest. "Um, thanks. Why are you here, though?"

Ayame looked back at Hojo who was eyeing her intently and nudged him gently. "Shippou told us you were playing here tonight, so me and Hojo came to see you perform before your big day. Why didn't you tell us you were playing tonight?"

Kagome glanced down at her suit as if to state the obvious and sighed. "We might not be, we can't find InuYasha anywhere."

The red haired girl looked worried. "Oh, Kags. I'm sorry. I'm sure he'll show. Besides, it's not like I was ever on time when we played together."

Kagome's eyes flashed up to look at Ayame and Hojo. She was right. Not the fact that Ayame was always late, but the fact that she, Hojo and Ayame played music together. It was the three of them that made the original band at Shikon House, replaced by newer children when the older ones grew up or left the orphanage. Kagome eyed Ayame and Hojo quickly.

Ayame's strawberry hair hung down in soft waves, haloing the white tank top she wore with tight white hip huggers. The red symbol of the Templar Cross was plastered across her full breasts. Hojo was dressed in sharp black casuals, with a black t-shirt covered by a light blue over shirt.

Kagome's eyes were calculating as she looked at both of her friends and a slow smile itched across her lips.

"Kagome? I know that look." Ayame's green eyes widened as she backed up slightly, pushing Hojo back with her before Kagome grabbed both of their hands.

"God works in mysterious ways." Kagome grinned. "I need your help."

Both friends looked at each other before they nodded to her.

Kagome led them to the back of the bar and into the storeroom where her band mates waited.

"Take off your shirt, Hojo."

The dark haired man stopped short as soon as he entered the room. "What?"

Kagome grabbed some gel and a comb before rounding on him. "Just the blue one."

His brown eyes looked at the group of leather-clad people nervously before removing his shirt.

"Kagome? What's going on?" Sango looked at the newcomers warily.

Kagome flashed her eyes over at Miroku. "You said InuYasha never misses a show?"

Miroku shook his head. "Never. I've seen him play when he had a massive hangover. It wasn't pretty."

Kagome nodded as she began to spike and ruffle Hojo's hair. "Good, I'm buying us some time."

"Kagome?" Kouga quickly checked out Ayame before he looked at Hojo in displeasure.

"These are my friends, Hojo and Ayame. They're going to sing."

"What!?" They all yelled.

Kagome smirked as she looked over at them. "You guys know how to play 'Lies'?"

"Evanescence? Old song, but yeah, why?" Miroku frowned.

Ayame's mouth dropped. "Oh, gee, Kags, we haven't done that routine in years, I don't think we can…."

"We have to." Kagome looked over at them. "Please, we need to do something or our chances next week will fall."

Everyone looked around.

"Okay." Miroku grinned slightly. "What do you need us to do?"

Kagome smiled. "Have faith."

- -

Kagome jogged over to her band that hid behind the stage. "Okay, told the crew what needed to be done. You guys ready?"

Everyone looked anxious but nodded.

Kagome grinned and looked over at Hojo. He was wearing only his black t-shirt and black casual pants. His brown hair was spiked haphazardly and dark liner rimmed his brown eyes making his countenance look handsome, mysterious and wickedly hungry. Ayame just had green eyeliner to enhance the light green of her eyes. The rest of her looked pristine and perfect. "You guys look great, this will blow them away."

The lights to the bar lowered, casting the scene into darkness. The crowd began to clap and cat call as Perdition went to their assigned places.

Kagome shook slightly in nervous tension and closed her eyes. 'Father, please, let it be okay. Give them strength.'

She clasped her hands to her chest and breathed in deep. Releasing her breath, she steadily began to call out her voice, soft and mournful, into the dark. Slowly, a blue light shone on her from above, making her the only sight the audience could see. She stood in the middle of the stage, looking down as if in prayer. Her voice was the only sound the audience could hear. Suddenly, Ayame's voice followed beside hers, higher and softer. A yellow light brightened above the delicate redhead, casting an ethereal look as she stood to Kagome's left.

Slowly the lights began to grow around them as the band began to play: Sango at the keyboard, Miroku at the electric guitar and Kouga on the drums.

Just as the music cut into a hard beat, Kagome collapsed on her hands and knees as if she was suffering. Ayame looked sharply over at her, symbolizing an angel watching over her as Kagome fervently endured her bitter torment.

Just then a red light cast over to Kagome's right as Hojo stalked over to her in a hunted heat. His lean build and tight frame look absolutely ravishing in the red halo around him, signifying perfectly his role as a demon pursuing her. The red, blue and yellow that surrounded the three cast a rainbow around the band as Hojo stood over her, looking down at her with an evil smirk. He pulled her body roughly against his leg as he spoke heavily down at her.

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within and pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

Kagome broke away from his grasp and looked down. Her body slumped as she believed the lies the 'demon' was placing in her head. In sullen fear she sang with him.

_You will never be strong enough  
You will never be good enough  
You were never conceived in love  
You will not rise above_

Her head shot up as she looked out at the crowd and she slowly stood. Her ice blue eyes appeared unearthly and beautiful by the spotlights around her. Her face shone with terrified need, acting oblivious as the 'demon' and 'angel' moved to stand on opposite sides of her. Kagome's hands roamed her body as if she wanted to relieve some ache but too afraid to touch herself.

_They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me_

Her head shot to the side as the 'demon' pressed his frame against her back, stroking her sides as he spoke the next verse down to her.

_But through my tears breaks a blinding light  
Birthing a dawn to this endless night_

As he spoke, the 'angel' moved languidly behind them and called softly as she watched Kagome become tormented by the 'demon' that controlled her. Her song was only a whisper compared to the rest of them, but she was still there among the turmoil of the devil's voice.

Hojo's arms slowly extended out as if his body was martyred on a cross. At the same time he looked lustily down at Kagome who had slowly lifted her arms to caress his body behind her.

_Arms outstretched, awaiting me  
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree  
_

The 'angel' stopped singing as the 'demon' began to roam his hands over Kagome's body once again. In response, Kagome's head fell back on his shoulder and her body thrust with need as she sang with him.

_Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
I have lived and I died for you  
Abide in me and I vow to you  
I will never forsake you  
_

Hojo pushed her away from him in bitter disgust and Kagome fell to the floor. She gazed around the stage as if looking for something in a daze. It was obvious to the audience that Kagome could not see Ayame, her 'angel,' that moved to stand behind her, as she searched for the 'demon' that pleasured her so.

Hojo seemed to walk at arms length, enticing her, but never allowing her to have him. He grinned darkly as she beckoned to the audience with her song, clasping her arms around her body as she tried to shake off the need within herself.

_They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger_

_Burning deep inside of me_

Kagome slowly stood in front of Ayame and bowed her head in neglect, as if she was cast away from the world. Ayame lifted her hands and head, begging to be heard by the lost sheep in front of her. Yet Kagome still sang her torment in desperate prayer, not knowing she already had an angel with her.

They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me

Ayame's sweet voice flooded over the music with Kagome's last line, haunted and alone.

The raven-haired woman lifted her head to gaze out to the audience as if pleading for someone to save her. Ever so sweetly, Ayame wrapped her arms around her from behind, melding their bodies closer in a comforting embrace. Closing her eyes, Kagome lifted her face up to the ceiling and called out her voice in release of her torture.

Softly, Ayame's voice followed hers, off sync, but melodic and soft. Slowly, Kagome looked to show signs of peace as she rested her back against the angel behind her.

Hojo appeared to be furious as he watched his conquest be taken away from him. He paced around the two women, his body eager and tense. Suddenly he wrenched Kagome from her 'angel' and pulled her heavily against his chest, grinding his body hard against hers. His voice was filled with fury as he screamed down at her.

_Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
I have lived yet died for you  
Abide in me and I vow to you  
I will never forsake you_

Kagome pushed away from him. Her face showed anger and resentment towards him. She backed up towards the 'angel' again, turning her face away from the 'demon' that has tormented her for so long. Her hunger was never spent through her body, and as much as the 'demon' tempted her, she desired her soul to be filled. Her voice was strong as she sang, enhanced by the voice of her 'angel,' Ayame, who sang with her.

They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me

Kagome cast her eyes out to the crowd and let her voice flood the bar as she sang out her fears, cares and doubts. The 'demon' looked furious, but he backed up off the stage and into the darkness, knowing he was defeated. The 'angel' behind her enveloped her soft white arms around Kagome once more, holding her close. Ayame's voice grew and soon entwined with Kagome's, just as strong and just as perfect. Slowly the music faded out, leaving only their voices to grow in sync and slowly stop.

The audience thundered their applause and Kagome couldn't help but smile widely. Ayame had slumped against her back and was laughing in relief as she buried her face in Kagome's shoulder. Looking around, Kagome could see the band was smiling at her and each other.

Kagome flicked her head to the sound crew and a miscellaneous CD came on as the band jogged off the stage and into the hallway beyond.

"Holy fuck, Kagome!" Sango ran into her and hugged her fiercely. "That fucking blew my mind!"

"Damn, Kags!" Kouga picked her up and spun her around, making her laugh out loud. "Damn!"

"Yeah! How did you come up with something like that?" Miroku couldn't stop laughing from happiness as he flung an arm around Sango's shoulders. "You are utterly amazing!"

Kagome smiled brightly. "Hojo, Ayame and I had a band when we were younger. Evanescence was our inspiration. Just something we came up with one winter."

"Yeah," Hojo grinned and nudged Kagome with his arm. "Not much else to do growing up at the orphanage."

Kagome's smiled faded as Sango looked at her stunned before slowly smiling softly at her.

Kagome averted her eyes from the knowing look, but quickly grinned at her friends as they chatted with her band mates.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." Kouga smiled slightly down at Ayame, eyeing her with new interest.

She blushed delicately. "Ayame."

"Kouga." He winked down at her. "So do you do this professionally?"

Ayame shook her head. "No, I'm not that brave. I work with Kagome at the Shikon House orphanage."

"Working with kids? Now that's brave." Kouga smiled.

"You have an amazing voice." Sango smiled up at Hojo. "What is it you do?"

"I work in administration for non-profit organizations." Hojo rubbed the back of his neck shyly at her.

"Really? I have thought about opening a half way house for teens." Miroku perked up. "Any suggestions?"

Hojo's face lit up and soon everyone was chatting animatedly with each other as they walked on to the stockroom.

Kagome smiled softly as she began to leisurely follow them from a distance. It was a relief to have the performance go over so well. She only hoped it gave them the time they needed. Suddenly her back was thrown up against the wall and she was pinned between two muscular arms. Her eyes grew wide as she looked into furious golden depths.

"InuYasha?" Her eyes darted to the stockroom, but everyone had gone inside and the door had swung shut on its own. She looked quickly back at him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" His breath was hot against her face and she could smell a sweet hint of liquor.

She looked at him confused. "Where have you been?"

"Answer me, bitch." He snarled down at her. His eyes darted up and down her face as if seeking something.

Her eyes searched his in uncertainty. "I don't understand."

"What was that on the stage?" He pounded a fist furiously against the concrete wall beside her head.

Kagome's mouth opened slightly. "You saw?" She couldn't explain why, but she was nervous and hopeful. Did he like it? Did she do okay for him?

"Fuck yeah, I saw. I saw you nearly fucking some strange guy on the stage with my band as back up! How could you do this to me? How could you ruin this for me?" His voice was low and tight as he tried to control his fury.

Hell yeah, he saw. He had seen the whole thing.

He had jogged into the bar just as the lights went out. Immediately his senses were flooded with the most hypnotic voice he had ever heard. Then she was cast into radiance on the stage. He couldn't pull his eyes away from her. Though Kagome looked beyond sexy in her shredded leather outfit, she held herself in a way that still exuded gentleness. She stood so sad and alone on that stage, yet her countenance revealed hidden comfort and grace. The sight of her amazed him. He had often denied that she was beautiful, but tonight he stopped lying to himself. Why had he never seen it? And why had he never heard her sing before?

Her voice was steady and alluring, beckoning him like a siren's call. It held strength and power that he wanted to drink in as his own. He was stunned her tender frame could emit such force.

He swallowed hard, not realizing his mouth had gone dry, as he listened entranced while she sang. Her song had chilled him as it echoed over the bar, but quickly he burned with rage as some man roamed his hands over her, moving her body in time with his own.

She was not meant to be touched like that. No one could touch her like that. She wasn't supposed to be like that! Not with anyone but him! He was the one she would succumb to! He was the one she would beg for! He would not let anyone take his vengeance away from him!

He had moved steadily though the bar to wait for them after the song was done. He stood near the entrance to the hallway as they ran past, but she never even noticed him. No one had. Instead, they hugged her, praised her and hailed her! And as he watched, he felt himself fall deeper into her and hated her all the more.

Her voice blinked him back into the present.

"Do you think I would do that to you, InuYasha? I only meant to buy some time for you to get here. I would never have done it if I had known it would upset you." Her eyes sparkled with regret and begged for his understanding.

InuYasha blinked uncertainly. Was she was hurt because she cared she might have upset him? He searched her wide eyes and frowned. Was this girl for real? After all the shit he put her through? After all the names and taunts he threw at her that she easily swept aside, it took one slip, one mention of his emotions, and she crumbles? After all the hell he put her through, she still actually cared about what he felt? Any other person would have told him to go fuck himself, but all she did was look at him with those heavenly eyes, as if he cast no sins upon her.

An overwhelming need to ravish her hit his chest hard, but he fought it back. No, she was just fucking with him. She had to be. No one was that forgiving. She didn't give a shit about what he felt, she was just being her holier-than-thou self.

He eyed her in loathing. Virtuous or not, he'd seen her on the stage with that fucker. She reveled in his touch. She was as sinful as the rest of them. She never fooled him for a second.

The silver haired man leered down at her hatefully. "You're just a whore, Kagome. Letting him touch you like that. I saw your face. You loved it, didn't you, bitch?"

Kagome's eyes widened in shock and confusion as she searched his heated eyes. "Hojo is my friend."

"Didn't you!" He pounded his fist hard on the wall beside her face. His thoughts thundered against his pained skull. 'Admit it, you selfish slut, admit someone else made you feel good. Admit you desire and crave and lust and hunger for a hot touch. Admit you're fucking human!'

Kagome lowered her head and shook it softly before gazing up into his eyes. They looked so serious, so gentle, so fucking honest. "No, InuYasha, he could never make me feel that way."

InuYasha closed his eyes and felt his forehead fall against hers. He rested against her, feeling utterly spent and tired all of a sudden. Would she never give? No, how could she? She wasn't real. No mortal person could be so good. Why was he even trying to break her anymore?

Damn, his head hurt so much. Kikyo fucked him over royally this time. He couldn't even remember the last three days, only just coming to this morning, naked and on his bathroom floor. Vomit and blood were all over him and the tiles. His chest was covered in what he could only think was knife cuts, which stung heavily because of the bile he lay in. It took most of the day to clean his apartment and himself up, only to realize what day it was.

He had rushed to meet them. He never missed a gig. He was only a few minutes late, only to be stopped by this woman, this untouchable being, as she stood on a stage singing his torment, while another man touched what he unconsciously claimed as his own. Now here she was, as untouchable as ever beneath him, smelling of wild roses and warm summers.

"InuYasha?" Her sweet voice beckoned him gently and serenely.

He reluctantly opened his eyes to be assaulted by the heavens themselves. Her baby blue eyes looked concerned and scared for him, all for him. He just wanted her to stop. He just wanted her for once to fall. Everyone had fallen from grace, yet there she remained, untainted and unmarred. Untouchable her, never been tempted, never been aroused, never been…. His eyes widened slightly and he felt his heart rate begin to rise. He licked his lips slowly.

"Have you ever been kissed, Kagome?" Golden eyes drifted down to her soft lips. "Really kissed?"

Kagome's eyes widened and her breath hitched in her throat. She unconsciously bit her lower lip as she stared up at him quietly. "We should go, the others are…."

InuYasha nudged her nose with his own, stopping her thoughts altogether. He smirked slightly before a small grin settled on his face. "I'm going to take your first kiss, Kagome."

Kagome gasped as his lips suddenly pressed against hers. They were hard at first but soon relaxed as they moved gently against hers. Her eyes rapidly blinked shut as her lips softened and she slowly let him kiss her. She knew that she shouldn't, that this wasn't right, but her heart and soul won over as she accepted his mouth with certainty.

InuYasha felt his eyes shut heavily and he stifled a moan as he tasted her lips. They were so salty and sweet. He meant to take her lip's virginity hard and hungry, making her first kiss a hated memory, but as soon as he tasted her, he lost the thought. Her full lips seemed to melt into his. They felt so soft, like silk. He had never felt anything so tender and fragile. He thought for sure she would deny him, push him away in anger and revulsion. But she stayed, and pressed her sweetness into him, letting him taste her more.

He dragged his hands away from the wall to cup her face, feeling her soft warm cheeks and satiny tresses. He tilted her head slightly and tentatively touched his tongue against her lips. His eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head as she shyly opened her mouth. Slowly he flicked his tongue in, before pulling her mouth harder against his so he could lap his hungry tongue in deeper. Oh God! She tasted like ambrosia, nectar of the heavens. He ran his tongue along hers and he nearly bucked in desire when her soft appendage flicked shyly against his, tasting him back. She was perfect, so perfect….

His eyes flared open and he pushed himself off of her. What the fuck just came over him? He looked around quickly, before his eyes narrowed onto her. What the fuck was she doing to him? He was about to tell her off before his anger evaporated into uncertainty as he studied her.

Kagome was leaning heavily against the cold wall, staring at him in confused desire. Her normally light eyes looked dark and liquid, and her perfect body was tinted pink. She shuddered softly as she panted to catch her breath.

InuYasha raked his eyes up and down her and he began to laugh. He couldn't believe it. Looking at her flushed face, he could feel his heart harden. So she was human after all. Who knew it would take one kiss to make her stumble from her high perch? He knew now how to bring her down. Bit by bit he would seduce the little virgin until she begged for him to break her. His laugh lapsed into a cold chuckle as he wiped his arm across his mouth, as if trying to rid the taste of her off his lips.

Kagome watched him turn cold in an instant and she blinked heavily to break her from her daze. She stood up from the wall as she tried to gain her composure. She didn't know what had just happened, but she could see he was trying to mock her. Her heart thundered painfully against her chest as she tried to gain sense of it, but she couldn't. The only thing she did know was that he was trying to push her away for whatever reason once again.

She rubbed her arms distractedly and looked everywhere but at him, trying desperately to put herself back in order. She shouldn't have let him get so close to her. He was still against her. She shut her eyes as she steadied herself. He still didn't know that she wasn't out to get him, that she held nothing against him. He still could not trust. She mentally shook her head. No, he wasn't ready, and she could not blame him for it. Her eyes opened to gaze in the direction of the stage. She sighed as she tried to speak clearly, but her voice was soft and low. "They're waiting for you."

InuYasha stepped toward her and she tried to look into his eyes but kept failing. She averted her gaze to the opposite wall as she automatically stepped back from him as he moved closer.

He smirked as she backed up against the wall and he soon shadowed over her. He wanted to kiss her again, make her fall just a little more, but stopped when he heard the door of the stockroom open.

"InuYasha?" Miroku looked relieved though slightly pissed. "We were wondering about you. Where were you?"

InuYasha flicked his eyes to his friend before looking down at Kagome once again. He stepped back from her a few feet and crossed his arms. "I had something to do."

Miroku looked from Kagome to InuYasha. He felt unnerved about how his friend was looking at their drummer but now was not the time to ask. "Well, I hope you got it done."

The golden-eyed man just smirked. "Almost."

Kagome's eyes widened as she stared up at him. Her eyes finally met his. The confusion and uncertainty were still there, but the innocence looked slightly dimmed. How he wanted to taste her again, steal her soul away little by little. He slowly licked his lips, reveling in the hint of her flavor.

"Kagome?"

InuYasha's eyes flashed in anger at seeing the man from the stage walk towards her.

"You okay?" Hojo searched her face in concern.

Kagome seemed to visibly relax as she looked up at Hojo. "I'm fine, Hojo. You and Ayame should head out and get a seat. Thank you so much for your help."

Hojo looked at her in uncertainty before darting cold brown eyes at the white haired man standing opposite her. He hated the way the singer looked at Kagome, but Hojo prided himself as being a gentleman. He bowed his head slightly. "Ito Hojo. And you must be the InuYasha that we have heard so much about."

InuYasha smirked in cold humor. He could take this little shit no problem. His eyes cast briefly to Kagome before settling hard on Hojo. "The one and only."

Hojo nodded and quickly moved next to Kagome. "Glad you could finally make it. Good luck with the show tonight."

InuYasha's smirk curved into a malicious grin. He reached out and pulled Kagome roughly beside him. "Don't need luck, Homo. I always get what I want."

Hojo's mouth opened in protest but did not get a chance to speak.

"Come on." Kouga growled and pushed past them, holding Ayame's hand. "We got a show to finish."

"Yeah," InuYasha glanced quickly down at Kagome before walking towards the stage with her in tow. His face was hungry and dark. "We always finish what we start."

A/N: Lies, performed by Evanescence. If you can, listen to the song as you read this chapter to get the full effect.


	7. Just a Sex Thing

Kagome shut her eyes and steadied her breath. She wasn't ready to go in there. From outside the doors she could hear her band mates tune their instruments and talk inside the warehouse. More specifically she could hear _him_ ordering them around. The very man she couldn't stop thinking about and didn't want to stop thinking about, especially after that night.

She sighed.

It was only three days until the War of the Bands first competition, and six days from when InuYasha had kissed her.

She pressed her fingers unconsciously to her lips. She could almost taste the tangy spice of his mouth and the warm softness of his tongue. It was the most sensual experience she had ever had. He was slow, gentle and so needing of her. She could almost feel him pleading for her body and soul to envelop him in that kiss, and it terrified her to know she would have given them. That is until he broke away and laughed at her. It just about tore her apart. She couldn't understand what he was playing or why. But she knew it was a dangerous game, and she wasn't about to be the pawn.

She mentally shook her head. No, she could not let that kiss manipulate her. Whatever it may have been, or what she thought it was, it could not be what either of them wanted. She couldn't let one kiss govern her resolve. Whatever the kiss was, it was in the past. Yes, it was just a matter of moving on and letting what was be, and making sure it never happened again.

If only it were that easy, Kagome's shoulders slumped.

Because it wasn't the only time he tried to kiss her.

Flashback

After the concert at E.Z. they had begun to pack up the van. As Kagome was heading back to the stage, her hand was roughly grabbed and she was pulled against a hard chest. Looking up, she was startled to see InuYasha's eyes looking so hungrily down at her. She tried to pull away, but he tugged her further back behind the stage curtain, and away from prying eyes.

"Keh. You didn't fuck up tonight. I just might keep you around." His breath was warm as it caressed her face.

She just nodded and again tried to pull away, but his arms wrapped firmly around her back, and closer to his warm body. She shivered slightly at his touch and couldn't help but breath him in. He smelled tangy and so inviting. It took all she had to not close her eyes and lean into him.

"I was giving you a compliment." He growled huskily. "Aren't you going to thank me?" His mouth descended to hers but she quickly looked away, making his lips fall to her flushed cheek.

"Thank you, InuYasha. I'm glad I made you happy." She smiled up at him; thankful her voice didn't betray her emotions. She again pulled away, this time able to get away from his grasp.

His eyes darkened slightly as he let her go. He smirked. "Doesn't mean you can avoid practice. The first competition is next Friday, I'll be working you harder than ever."

Kagome just nodded and walked away, oblivious to the demonic smile on his face as he watched her go.

End

Her brow furrowed as she tried to shake off the memory. He held true to his word. InuYasha was as adamant as ever getting them ready. And just as adamant to try to kiss her whenever they were alone. He didn't seem fazed at her evasions. He would just laugh and walk away as she avoided his advances, or watch her with an unreadable expression in his eyes before she walked away from him. Fortunately he got the hint and seemed to stop trying after a few nights ago.

She shuddered at the memory of the other night. She was so close to letting him kiss her that her lips still tingled at the thought. She rubbed her face as she cast the image from her mind. She couldn't bring herself to remember it. It didn't matter anyways. They didn't kiss, and it was better off they don't.

She knew he had hidden demons that he was fighting, and she knew she couldn't become lost in him while he did so, no matter how much she wanted to. Oh God how she wanted to. She could sense he was a danger to her, yet somehow her very being called for him, ached for him and trusted him, though she didn't know why.

She was attracted to him, she'd admit, but there was more to it. It was if his very soul beckoned hers, and she needed him. She needed to bring him back out of the depths that he had fallen. His eyes looked so lost and so helpless at times when he didn't think she was looking. And he seemed so pained whenever he put up an angry front against her and those around him. She wished she could wash away whatever torment he carried and lift him from his burdens, but he wasn't ready. And she couldn't let herself fall too deeply into him. It wouldn't do either of them any good. The best thing she could be was his friend, and wait for the inevitable, no matter how much he tempted her. No matter how much she wanted to be tempted.

She opened her eyes and sighed, steadying her nerves as she walked into the warehouse.

"Keh, about time you showed, wench." InuYasha glanced up at her before fiddling with the amps.

Kagome just smiled. "Well, as my mother used to say, 'better to say Kagome's late than the late Kagome'."

Sango chuckled as she came out of her bedroom. "I like that, think I'll use it next time I'm late."

"Pfft. You never go anywhere to be late for." InuYasha snickered.

Sango eyed him in jest. "I can be if you ease up and let us live a little."

InuYasha just shrugged.

Kagome smiled as she tossed her bag to the floor by the drum set and pulled out some sticks. When she stood, she noticed that InuYasha was watching her from over his shoulder before turning back to the amps. Biting her lip, she moved over to the drums in an attempt to ignore the heat she saw from those depths.

"Kagome?"

Startled, she looked up and grinned. "Hey, Kouga."

The bass player cast a hard glare over at InuYasha, who was watching them intently, before he moved to stand closer to her. "Can you give this to Ayame? I promised to drop it off, but I haven't had time." He murmured.

Kagome looked down to see him hand her a CD. Looking at the cover, she smiled. 'Underoath.' Looking up at him, she giggled. "Well, seeing how it's mine, consider it done."

Kouga rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Um, sorry?"

Kagome shook her head. "Don't be. Whatever I have I'd gladly share with you… and Ayame apparently." She gave the CD a wry look. She was going to have a small chat with her friend when she got home.

"You're an angel." Kouga grinned and headed back to his guitar. He gave a quick wink to InuYasha who was internally fuming.

InuYasha's eyes narrowed on the girl as she sat and adjusted the drums. He couldn't figure her out. He was certain the kiss they had shared would have made her want to avoid him or hate him, especially since he threw the kiss bitterly back into her face. Instead she came in every evening as she always had. She always smiled and laughed and obeyed. Never once did she mention the kiss.

He had tried to kiss her again. Fuck, how he tried. He had come close after the concert but damn if she didn't move and make the kiss into a fucking chaste peck on the cheek.

He growled. Every chance he got he would pull her away to ravish her whenever she did something endearing or innocently naïve. Yet each time she would just smile at him, ask him how he was doing, or just turn away. At first he laughed it off, thinking it was her way of getting back at him. She was just acting better than him and shoving her superior nose up at him. But soon he learned she was just being herself, soft-spoken, soft hearted, soft bodied…. She seemed to be totally indifferent to the kiss, as if it never happened at all. It aggravated him to no end. It then got to a point where he wanted to kiss her, to taste her mouth again, if anything to make sure it was real. But she always eluded him. She was still so high above him, and he needed her. He needed her to fall.

Yet as much as he wanted her, he had stopped trying to kiss her after his last advance. He grimaced at the thought of just a few nights ago.

Flashback

Kagome stepped out of the bathroom, her face flushed and her hair was dripping wet. It was a long practice session, and the nights were getting hotter. She had gone in to the bathroom to douse herself to cool her body down after the session. He knew she wanted nothing more than to put on her cotton tank top and baggy shorts, but she knew better to get changed into her loose clothing when he was around.

She sighed and smiled at Sango. "It isn't enough that leather makes us look hot, it has to make us feel hot, too."

Sango just laughed. "Yeah, I can't believe you're still wearing the pants and tank. I have an extra skirt and bra you can wear."

Kagome fervently shook her head. "Oh no, that's okay."

"If you're worried about fucking modesty, you ain't got it with what you're wearing." InuYasha leered at her as he crouched down to unplug the instruments.

Kagome flushed. She was wearing the ripped leather pants again that he loved so much on her, and her top was a vinyl vest, laced in the front, and showing massive amounts of cleavage. She constantly fidgeted with the leather tie that held the vest in place as she tried to keep her modesty. Even now her slender fingers tugged on the stings. InuYasha had to shut his mouth quickly or he was certain he would have licked his lips in want.

Kagome just smiled softly, oblivious to his attraction. "No, that's okay, thank you."

He shook his head in annoyance. Shame the bitch would have to change out of that tight outfit, but he couldn't have her be uncomfortable, no matter how much he said otherwise. "Put on the damn bra and skirt thing."

She backed up slightly as if in fear. "I'm fine."

"What's the matter with you, wench?" He frowned. "Put the damn outfit on. It's not like anyone here wants to fuck you. I highly doubt the outfit will do anything to make you remotely attractive."

The girl cast her gaze to the far wall and was silent. If he had thought for a moment that he hurt her feelings, he was sadly mistaken. She just sighed and shrugged.

"There isn't any reason to change now. Practice is over." She smiled softly. "Since we're keeping the equipment here, I'm going to take off now. I've got a long day tomorrow."

Sango eyed her quietly. "You okay there, Kags?"

Kagome cast her eyes at her friend and smiled. "Always. I'm just so hot. I can't wait to get home, shower and sleep."

Sango nodded slightly but frowned when Kagome turned to gather her gear. Her dark eyes shot daggers over at InuYasha who was watching Kagome on the sly.

Kagome casually grabbed her bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. "Well, see you all tomorrow. Have a great night, be safe." She smiled at them before she ducked out of the warehouse and headed towards her car.

InuYasha scowled as he watched her leave. He quickly stood and brushed off his dark jeans. "Well, this shit is fine here as is. I'm going to jet, too."

Everyone just nodded their heads towards him in farewell, too hot and tired to say anything else. He grabbed his helmet and headed out, ignoring the hard stare Sango gave him.

Out in the parking lot he could just see Kagome fiddle her key in the lock of her car. He grinned slyly and jogged over to her.

"Hey!"

Kagome looked up bewildered, then smiled. "Hey, InuYasha, are you going now?"

"What the fuck was that about?" He growled, ignoring her question.

Kagome ducked her head, knowing what he was talking about. "I'm sorry. I just don't feel comfortable in those type of clothes."

InuYasha snorted and tugged on the lace of her vest, feeling a sharp jolt hit his loins as his finger accidentally touched her hot soft skin. "That's comfortable?" He asked, his voice unusually deep and gruff.

Kagome blushed and grinned shyly at his bold move. She subtly stepped back from him and rubbed her shoulder, unconsciously hiding her cleavage, much to his disappointment.

"More so than a bra and skirt."

"Keh, these pants show more than a skirt will. Fuck, wench, don't want you to keel over from heat exhaustion. Wear the damn things." He grouched.

Her eyes looked heavenward before she grimaced sheepishly. "I can't."

Frowning, he pulled her face down to look into his eyes. "Give me a damn good reason before I force you to wear them." 'Besides, I'd like a good excuse to see more of that body.'

Her eyes widened slightly in innocent embarrassment and he had to keep his body in check to keep from bruising those delicious lips.

"Because." She fumbled, trying to avoid looking in his eyes. "I… I can't keep my legs together when I drum and someone would see my…." She blushed harder and whispered as her eyes met his. "Panties."

InuYasha felt his hand drop from her face in stunned realization. Visions of her wide spread legs and the treasure she hid being bared to the world both angered and aroused him. Okay, so that was a good excuse. There was no way in hell she was going to wear a skirt.

He mentally shook himself. "Fine. But the top?"

She averted her eyes away from him, as she blushed more. "It won't give me the support I need when I play. It will be a distraction for me."

InuYasha looked confused at first, but then imagined her round tits bouncing as she played. Hell, she wouldn't be the only one distracted.

He tore his gaze away from her face as he fought off the growing erection he had at the thought. "Keh, whatever, wear jeans and a tank if you bloody well have to, as long as it ain't some girly angel shit." He turned to go.

"InuYasha?"

He looked back into her soft blue eyes and smirked. "Don't want to get rid of me?"

She smiled. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" He turned to her in uncertainty.

She nodded softly. "For having faith."

"Faith?" His eyes narrowed as he towered above her. It took everything he had to keep his temper in check.

Kagome didn't seem to notice as she cast her eyes down shyly and she nodded. "Thank you for believing in us, InuYasha. I know without you, and all the hard work you've put in, Perdition would never have made it in. So thank you in having faith in us."

His anger vanished within the heartbeat that flipped suddenly in his chest. He lifted her face to look up at him and his eyes searched hers deeply. He wanted to say something, but nothing would come out. Instead, his eyes drifted down to linger on her soft pink lips.

He hesitated at first, knowing this was the best opportunity to finally kiss her again, but somehow, the reason wasn't the same. The thought of hurting her never entered his mind. He only had the thought of kissing her once again and worshipping the taste of her that he had been denied for much too long. Ignoring the warning signs his senses were flashing, he dipped his head down, stopped only by her soft voice.

"Sango."

InuYasha blinked in confusion at Kagome before noticing the direction her eyes were looking. He turned to see Sango leaning against the warehouse, glaring at them.

InuYasha internally groaned and looked back down at Kagome. He dropped his hand from her face and growled down at her. "Keh. Get going, wench. You're boring me."

He left her there at her car while he stalked over to his red Harley. He shoved his helmet on hard as he revved up the engine and tore out of the parking lot without a second glance. It was hard trying to hide his agitation at being interrupted, but what nagged him most was why he felt aggravated. Was it because Sango kept him from claiming the young girl, or the fact he never felt the need to kiss someone so bad in his life?

End

InuYasha shook his head slightly to rid the memory as he stood up to adjust his mike. It was two nights ago, and the kiss they almost shared plagued his thoughts more and more. Hell, he forgot most fucks right after they happened, yet the thought of kissing Kagome turned him on more than any fuck he ever had.

He sighed. This girl was becoming more of a distraction than he first realized. He had thought a month ago that she would be easy to break, easy to fuck and easy to leave. But he hadn't been able to accomplish any of those things.

He ran his fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp as he fought the crawling sensation in his skin. He was feeling more and more agitated the closer the first competition came. Fuck, he needed something to take the edge off, and this shit with Kagome wasn't making it any easier. What he'd give for a quick high right now.

He hadn't taken a hit since before the concert at E.Z., and for good reason. The last shit he bought cleaned his account. He couldn't even afford to get a joint off that acid queen, Kikyo, until after the first competition. That is if they win.

They were told each band that made it to the next round got a bonus check and local publicity to promote their music. Perdition was good; he just hoped they were good enough to get past the first competition.

Fuck, he needed that check. It was bad road if you took a loan off of Naraku for his stuff, since you owed two hundred percent interest if you did. And he needed that shit now more than ever.

InuYasha watched the girl at the drums from the corner of his eye. She wore black hip hugger jeans today and a black sheer shirt with a neon green snake entwined around a broken apple. Her legs were spread wide as she sat at the drums, and he could almost imagine the smell of her cunt from here. The fucking wench was driving him crazy. She was the reason why his nerves were on edge. He wouldn't need a hit so bad if she would just fucking get him off like a good little bitch.

But the other night offset him. InuYasha recoiled his lips in disgust. When did he fall this deep? When did one kiss become more than a game? She wasn't even aware what she was doing to him. She probably wouldn't fucking care. Hell, if she could act like that kiss never happened, how would she react knowing about all the other things he wanted to do to her?

Probably look at him in disgust. She'd hate him and pull away from him. Fuck, if she could read his thoughts right now she'd probably run for the hills. Or worse, not care at all and act like his thoughts and actions didn't matter.

He tossed her a hateful glare but she didn't notice it. Typical. He clenched his jaw tight. Enough was enough. His kiss had backfired on him. Instead of making her fall, she rose, while he got swallowed in her shadow. She ignored all of his advances, but he wasn't about to be cast off so easy. Fuck, any woman would give their first born to be with him.

She just didn't know what she was missing. But could he blame her? The tight virgin in front of him didn't know how good it could feel. She didn't know how great it would be to have her body slick against his as she rode him to oblivion. Or how hot she would look with her head tossed back as she screamed his name while he came all over her. She didn't know, but she would.

The soul be damned, it was the body that couldn't be denied. And she has denied him long enough. If he could just have her once, get it out of his system, then she wouldn't tempt him so much. And possibly she would see being human was good. He'd be doing her a favor actually. He'd show her a side of humanity that shouldn't be feared or repulsed by, but embraced and milked for all it was worth. The girl could believe whatever the hell she wanted, but she was still human, and by hell he'd be the one to make her realize it. He wanted to make her crave him, adore him, worship him, and he would be her slave in bed. It was only a matter of temptation, and he knew just how to tempt a woman.

"You guys fucking ready or what?" InuYasha barked, glaring at them all.

Everyone looked at him stunned for a moment before readying their instruments.

"Yup." Miroku eyed the singer uncertainly.

"Fine." InuYasha growled over his shoulder. "Sex Type Thing."

Kagome looked at him in shock.

"Got a problem, mouse?" He didn't bother to look at her. He knew how she'd react to his choice of song.

Kagome didn't respond, instead she crashed her sticks down to the drums and began the song. Everyone followed suit in rapid succession. InuYasha cocked a dark grin and cast a gaze towards Kagome over his shoulder.

I am, I am, I am  
I said I wanna get next to you  
I said I gonna get close to you  
You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

InuYasha turned and walked slowly over to Kagome, his eyes never wavering from her tight body as she hit the drums with a force he'd never seen in her before.

Her blue eyes darted up to meet his. They narrowed subtly with an unrecognizable emotion and her mouth opened slightly from exertion. She looked undeniably undefiable. InuYasha could feel the familiar tightening in his chest at her blatant insolence, and relished in the need to swallow it whole once he defiled her.

I ain't, I ain't, I ain't  
A buyin' into your apathy  
I'm gonna learn ya my philosophy  
You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?

He fisted his hair at his scalp and glared at her, challenging her to look away as he rounded his hips, his hard bulge at her eye level.

I know you want what's on my mind  
I know you like what's on my mind  
I know it eats you up inside  
I know, you know, you know, you know

He dropped his hand from his hair towards his cock and flicked two fingers, looking as if he was beckoning her to him, or fingering her lusciously, either way it gave him his desired result. Her eyes widened as she watched him intently. 'That's it, baby, give in to it.'

I am a man, a man  
I'll give ya somethin' that ya won't forget  
I said ya shouldn't have worn that dress  
I said ya shouldn't have worn that dress, worn that dress

He smirked when her eyes fell to the drums, a pink flush was climbing up her chest and neck. The idea was planted, now just to nurture it for her desire to grow. He turned his back to her as a disgusted need coursed through him at the sight of her. The last thing he needed to do now was become overeager. He walked casually back to the mike stand.

I know you want what's on my mind  
I know you like what's on my mind  
I know it eats you up inside  
I know, you know, you know, you know

He turned his head to glare at her over his shoulder and a sadistic smirk graced his lips. He thrusted his hips slightly against the mike stand and his voice grew husky and deep.

Here I come, I come, I come, I come

Here I come, I come, I come

He turned and faced her once again, grinning when she refused to look up at him. He internally chuckled at her defiance, as if he'd give her the choice to deny him.

I am, I am, I am  
I said I wanna get next to you  
I said I gonna get close to you  
You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

He walked like an assassin towards her, slow and calculated. His eyes became dark as his irises grew in hunger. He stood in front of her and waited for her to acknowledge him, but she held her ground and refused to give him the satisfaction.

I know you want what's on my mind  
I know you like what's on my mind  
I know it eats you up inside  
I know, you know, you know, you know  
I know you want what's on my mind  
I know you like what's on my mind  
I know it eats you up inside  
I know, you know, you know, you know

'You think you can hide from it? Think you can fight the need you feel?' He crouched in front of the drums and stared at her, ignoring the scowls from his band mates.

Here I come, I come, I come, I come  
Here I come, I come, I come, I come

Kagome shut her eyes for a moment before she flashed them open to meet his gaze. She wasn't about to back down to his actions and suggestions. But the way his body hummed with raw energy as he watched her though molten gold made her heart thunder in her chest in fear and yearning. She watched as he leaned forward onto his knees, bucking slightly as he ground out the rest of the lyrics, his eyes shutting as if in painful pleasure. Her mouth went dry and her body pulsed in wetness. She wanted to taste him so bad and it shocked her to the core. What was he doing to her?

Here I come, I come, I come, I come

Here I come, I come, I come, I come

Here I come, I come, I come, I come  
Here I come, I come, I come, I come….

Kagome was panting heavily after the song had ended. She kept her eyes locked on to him, testing her strength, but her body failed her. InuYasha was panting heavily as well and he opened his golden orbs to watch her with lustful fury. She cast her head down and shivered. Why was he doing this? And why did she want it? She shut her eyes. 'God, please give me strength, or I will fail us both.'

InuYasha swallowed hard and stood. He avoided the angered glances from his friends as he turned from the drummer. He made his point. And soon he would act on it.

-+-

Kagome stepped out of the bathroom after practice was over. She was about to head over to her bag before Sango stopped her.

"Kagome?"

The girl looked up to see Sango looking agitated though she was trying to hide it.

"Sango?"

Sango flicked her eyes over at the group before smiling at Kagome. "Mind staying a bit longer tonight? I made a few outfits I want you to try on."

Kagome smiled and nodded, oblivious to the glare InuYasha and Sango shared.

After everyone had left, Sango led Kagome to the makeshift bedroom and flopped heavily down on her bed. She sighed.

"I didn't bring you here to try on shit." She frowned, not sure how to approach the subject.

Kagome flicked her eyes up and down the girl and small trace of a smile graced her lips. "Then what is it you want to talk about?"

Sango seemed slightly taken aback at the girl's demeanor. Especially after the escapade that InuYasha pulled during practice. Kagome looked as innocent and unfazed as ever. Sango eyed her seriously and bit the bullet.

"What's going on between you and InuYasha?"

Kagome blanched slightly and looked down. At first it looked like she wasn't going to answer until she let out a heavy breath. "To be honest, I'm not sure."

"Not sure?"

Kagome leaned up against the dresser and looked over at the wall, crossing her arms in the process. She seemed deep in thought for a moment.

"Ever wonder about fate, Sango?"

Sango frowned and looked away. "Can't say I have."

Kagome sighed. "I do, all the time." She looked over at the girl on the bed in contemplation. "I sometimes wonder if things really happen for a reason. If whether every decision we make is connected to something more than what we realize."

Sango shook her head, feeling uncomfortable where the conversation was going. "We just live, Kagome. There is nothing out there to say whether it's good or bad, wrong or right. We just are."

Kagome just smiled. "I'm not talking about good and evil, Sango." She eyed the girl gently. "I know your opinion of me because of what you think I believe. I know how everyone avoids the subject when I'm around."

Sango flashed her eyes up at her. "Kagome…." Sango drifted her eyes down to the floor. "It's not like that…."

Kagome softened her smile. "I'm not ashamed of what I think and feel, Sango. Yes, I do believe in a higher power, but not as you think."

Sango looked up at her curiously.

Kagome looked down at her hands as she fidgeted with her fingertips. "I grew up in a Shrine. Did I tell you that?"

Sango shook her head, confused. Kagome talked about her real family on occasion, but never really gave specifics. She knew she had a family, knew she loved them and lost them, but she had never gone into detail.

"Yeah, my grandfather was an old priest who ran the Sunset Shrine. Our family followed the Shinto faith." Kagome grinned. "My family was very traditional. They believed that everyone was born good, and lived good. Never was anyone bad, unless a demon caused it to happen." She turned her head slightly to look at Sango. "Grandpa told me we have to fight these demons that taunt us everyday, in order to try to live a good life, but sometimes, the demon takes control when we are weak, and darkness follows. You wouldn't believe how many demon wards we had up in our shrine. He even gave me a kappa hand for my fifteenth birthday, whatever the heck that was I still don't know."

Sango just smirked slightly. "What does this have to do with anything?"

Kagome laughed softly. "Nothing, really, because we are who we are. We decide how we live and how we want to be. But my grandfather was right in some way. We do fight our own inner demons that we face everyday. All of us."

Sango looked up at her in shock. Kagome had demons? Her cinnamon eyes searched the girl's face, but she found nothing that would suggest the girl ever even had a hangnail, let alone a hidden demon within her. "Kagome?"

The girl shook her head. "No one is an innocent, Sango. I saw the war, too." Her eyes looked distant for a moment before she smiled softly down at her. "I see what it's done to the people. I've seen what it's done to the children I take care of. I know what happens when desperation hits and people have lost hope. At times it can be so easy for me to give up. And it would be so easy for me to let everyone around me give in. But I can't. Because I know there is a greater good that can be found in each of us if we only believe."

Sango was silent as she contemplated her words. "How can you be so sure there is a greater good?"

Kagome tilted her head as she looked up, as if seeing something that Sango could not. "Because I decided to live it."

Sango stared up at her and blinked, before shaking her head. "Live the greater good? If only it were that easy, Kagome. There is no greater good to believe in. There is no God to believe in."

"Things are only hard if you make them hard. It all depends on how you want to live." Kagome frowned as she tried to explain. "God isn't some being that curses unbelievers and sends them to hell as people tend to think. God is in fact many things to many people. God is what you desire, it is the thing you create to make you stronger. People find strength in many things, and in turn make these things into a greater power. If you worship money or power then that is your God. If you want drugs and guns then that is your God. God is what you rely on to make you live and continue on. It is what you pray for, it is what you work for and what you strive for. So it is easy to blame these things, blame God, for the mistakes we make. And it is easy to say there is no greater power because of the horrors our actions have made. It is easy to blame what we created, instead of blaming ourselves. So I guess in that sense God can curse us to hell, but it is the hell we created.

"But there is hope. Because to some, God is love and life, and the greater power they desire is the betterment for humanity. That is what they work for. And to me, that is as simple as wanting nothing more than what I have been given."

Sango grinned hollowly and avoided looking at Kagome. "I didn't think an orphanage director had so much."

Kagome busted out laughing. "Well, I must admit a plasma t.v. and new car would be great, but it's just material. They will just break down or cause me more aggravation in the long run."

Sango just shrugged. "Then what is it you have that makes it worth living the way you do? It's great you believe in love and life or whatever, but let's face it, Kagome, not much of that going around to believe in."

Blue eyes stared down into brown. "That's why I have faith."

"Faith?" Sango quirked her brow.

Kagome nodded and looked away. "It's mine and mine alone. No one can take it from me, only I can decide what I will do with it. And I decided to share it, by living the greater good, living the way God would live, living the way He would want us to live."

Sango bit her lower lip. "I guess I can see that. But what makes you so sure there even is a God in that sense? You even said God is what you make of it."

Kagome shook her head. "I can't answer that, no one can answer that really. It's just a feeling, an instinct in you that craves that connection." Kagome shrugged. "It's not something that can be easily explained or easily understood. It's like when someone asks why you love someone. Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to it, you just do. You feel it deep within you, and there is no way you could possibly explain or show why it's there. But it doesn't mean it's not." She heaved out a steady breath. "I guess the best way to describe it is by saying God is what you truly feel He is to you."

Sango looked surprised at Kagome's response. She half expected a sermon explaining the ways of the Bible and shit. Instead she was given the most honest answer she had heard so far. "Then what is God to you?"

The girl looked shy all of a sudden before she cast her blue eyes on Sango. "God is a feeling more than anything, but just as real as having someone in the room with me. I have no other word to call it except God, though even then it doesn't feel it does it justice. Instead… well… the only way I can describe it is that it's like waking up and realizing it's the first day of summer vacation, or Christmas morning and you know there is a big present waiting for you. Or the feeling you get when you're alone and you sense there is a great adventure waiting for you just around the corner. It's that thrill of excitement of a life that can't wait to be lived. And all you want to do is laugh and explore and bring as many as you can with you, because the feeling is too great to not want to share it.

"It's also the feeling that you aren't alone when you cry or hurt or feel angry. And it's the knowledge that things will get better even when times are the most dark. It's hope. It's love. It's living. God is the life breath and the love in all of us that we share, wanting us to live good and be good to each other.

"To me, God is the greater good within us, waiting for us to live it. And I feel closer to whatever's out there, closer to everyone, when I live this greater good." Her eyes seemed to dance and sparkle as she thought of it, her face looking so peaceful and elated.

Sango looked at her stunned before casting her eyes around the room. All she had wanted to know was what Kagome had going on with InuYasha. Instead she had gotten a closer look into Kagome than any person she had ever known. It was alarming to say the least, but it gave her a new perspective on the girl. She wasn't a bible believer as she mistook her for. She was girl that had dreams and ideas far too good for this world. Yet, in some small way, it made Sango feel good, that this world had someone like Kagome to care so much for it, to have hope that things would get brighter.

"Live the greater good." Sango smiled softly and looked down sadly. "Sounds kind of nice."

Kagome smiled gently and she looked up at the ceiling. "I think we all have the greater good within us. It's a connection we all share when we feel it, like we are apart of something bigger than life. Amazing how things would turn out if we decided to live it." She looked at Sango with a hint of a smile on her face. "Heaven on earth, don't you think?"

Sango smiled delicately and grabbed her pillow to place on her lap as she fiddled with the corners. "You make it seem so easy, Kagome, living as if there can be no evil in humanity."

Kagome sighed and smiled slightly, deciding to not answer. "It's getting late, I should jet." She turned to go.

"Kagome?"

The drummer looked over her shoulder. "Yeah?"

Sango grinned devilishly. "So what does faith have to do with InuYasha?"

Kagome turned her face away. She was quiet for a long while and Sango was about to repeat the question before Kagome's soft voice filtered out the silence.

"It's a matter of faith, a matter of believing, that makes you live the way you do. But sometimes it's not a matter of believing in something, but just a matter of believing in someone that makes us live the way we do." She turned her head back and smiled. "Goodnight, Sango."

Sango sat stunned as Kagome left the warehouse. The girl made a lot of sense now that she opened up to it. She looked down at her hands that twiddled with her pillow. Could it be as easy as that? Wake up tomorrow and say, I want to live a good life? Sango looked up at her ceiling before shaking her head.

Kagome was an amazing woman, but how could she live like that everyday? Especially with the knowledge of how people treat her because of her faith? More so, how could she live with how InuYasha treated her?

'Sometimes it's not a matter of believing in something, but just a matter of believing in someone….'

Sango frowned at her statement. Up until tonight she secretly ostracized Kagome for her beliefs, but they were totally unfounded. Yet InuYasha took it to a whole new level. She knew he had a personal vendetta against the girl because of what he thought she believed; yet he seemed to viciously flirt with her too. Sango couldn't understand what his motive was, but by hell she would find out, and stop it.

A/N: Sex Type Thing is performed by Stone Temple Pilots. Wicked ass band. Sorry for the breaks in this chapter for flashback. I normally like to italicize memories, but MM has a glitch where all of the chapter will be italicized. If anyone knows how to remedy this I'd love to know.

I also want to thank all those that have reviewed so far. You are keeping me motivated to continue writing. I was beginning to feel bummed out because not many do review my stories and I was thinking they weren't very good. But I am glad a few of you like it and I will continue on for those who like my story and wish to see the end. As a small hint, if you do like it, even in some small way, could you let me know? Thanks, and god bless. WDW


	8. Scarred Angels

InuYasha woke from a heavy sleep. He lifted his head from under his pillow and grabbed for the alarm clock beside his bed. 'One p.m.? What the fuck?' He dropped the clock on the floor and he rolled over on his back, bunching his pillow under his head as he drifted back to sleep. Heavy pounding on his door started him awake once more.

"Fuck!"

He sat up quickly and blearily looked around for his pants. A torn pair of tracks lay on the floor beside the bed and he grabbed angrily for them, hefting them on over his dulling arousal as he stood. He was having a great dream. Who ever woke him from it was about to be severely beaten.

He stormed from his room to the apartment door and whipped it open. "What?!"

"Morning, dickhead."

"Damn it, Sango, what the fuck are you doing here?" He wiped his face lazily, unable to stop her as she trudged into his small apartment.

"This place looks like shit." She frowned at the takeout boxes, beer bottles and various ashtray remnants.

"Gee, Mom, I promise to clean my room after I do my fucking homework." InuYasha leered and shut the door. "Now that that's over with, either tell me why you're here or get out."

"I don't understand why you live in this shit hole when you and your brother own a fucking mansion on the other side of town." Sango kicked a bottle across the floor.

"Because my brother is a fucking dick and I like being on my own." InuYasha yawned and scratched his lower stomach.

Sango turned to glare at him. His hair was shaggy and loose, hanging low past his shoulder blades. His lightly tanned chest was firm and his six-pack tight as he stretched, making the baggy track pants he wore slide lower past his V. Sango averted her eyes quickly in disgust. "You cut your hair."

InuYasha rolled his eyes and growled. "Fuck this." He stumbled back to his room and collapsed front first on to his bed, pulling a blanket up over him.

"InuYasha!" Sango stood angrily at his bedroom door.

"Sango, two options, either join me in bed or leave." He mumbled into his pillow.

"You pervert!" She threw a bundled sock at his head, which he easily ignored.

He could feel the remnants of sleep begin to take over. If he were lucky, he would get back into that dream he was having. Something to do about a mansion in the woods, and a blue-eyed angel sliding hotly up and down his….

"I want to know what you're doing with Kagome."

InuYasha groaned and rolled over onto his back. "Why would I ever want anything to do with her?"

"Don't give me that shit, InuYasha."

He opened his eyes to glare angrily at his friend. "Nothing. She means nothing to me."

"I know when you're lying." Sango's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms.

He closed his eyes and sighed, pulling his pillow over his head. "Fuck, San, why do you care?"

"Because she's a great girl. She's caring, funny and she's my friend. The question is, why do you care?"

"I don't." His voice was muffled under the pillow.

"Then leave her alone."

"I won't."

"Why?" Sango sat heavily at the end of the bed.

He didn't respond.

Sango cast her eyes around his room before gaining her courage. "Yash, I know why you hate believers so much."

InuYasha pulled the pillow corner from his eye as he looked at Sango spitefully. "Your boy toy has a fucking mouth to be telling you about my shit."

"Miro is worried about you. I'm worried about you. And I don't like what you're doing to Kagome. She doesn't deserve that kind of attention." Sango frowned.

"That girl doesn't know what she deserves." He turned angrily away from Sango.

"She doesn't deserve your wrath. She had nothing to do with what happened to you."

"They all do, every last fucking one of them." His voice was bitter as he stared at the wall beside him.

Sango stared down at the floor, almost afraid to ask. She sighed softly. "What do you plan on doing to her?"

InuYasha flicked his eyes at her before staring at the wall once more. He didn't answer.

"Do you honestly think she came unaffected through the war? That she never knew pain or suffering?" Sango's voice was distant and soft.

InuYasha shook his head. "Keh. Nobody who lived through what we lived through comes out like that."

"Like what?" Sango frowned and looked back at him.

He glared hard at the wall, hugging his pillow tightly underneath him. "So fucking perfect."

Sango smiled gently before she let it fade. "If she was so perfect, why did she end up living in an orphanage?"

InuYasha was confused. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Sango studied his form in incomprehension before realization dawned on her. "You didn't know?"

He turned to face her. A deep frown marked his lips. "Didn't know what, Sango?"

"Kagome." Sango cast her eyes to the bedroom window. Bit of sun reflected through the dark red blinds. "She's not only the director of the Shikon House orphanage, she was also an orphan that lived there."

His golden eyes widened and he sat up. "What?"

Sango nodded. "Yeah, shocked us, too. You'd never think she'd lost her family the way she goes on about them." She turned her dark brown eyes to meet his gold. "Kagome isn't as innocent as you think she is."

InuYasha turned his face away and flopped his back down on the bed. Why hadn't he known about this? Why did everyone else know? A slight pang of guilt and jealousy radiated though him but he swallowed it down. "Is there a point to this?"

"I don't think she is the adversary you think she is. I think she was hurt. She just found another way how to deal with it."

He slowly looked the woman over. "Oh, fuck, Sango, don't tell me she got to you with her God shit."

Sango looked down. "I'm not saying I have faith or believe or whatever. I'm saying she found a way how to get through it… just different from us."

"Keh, it was the coward's way. Believing in some higher power that will save her."

Sango picked up a spent joint from the floor and tossed it in the waste bin. "If you say so."

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "If you're done, I got some sleep to catch up on, the competition is tonight."

"Yeah." Sango stated darkly before looking at him with hard cinnamon eyes. "I'm not going to stand by and let you hurt her, Yasha. Regardless of what happened in our pasts, we make our own destinies. If you pursue your vendetta against Kagome, I think you'll be the one who will fall."

InuYasha snorted and attempted to kick the covers up over him. "Yeah, whatever. Let me get some sleep."

Sango stood and moved to the doorway before turning back to him. "I think we had it wrong, you know."

"Oh?" InuYasha turned on his side and tucked the pillow under his head. "About what?"

"About thinking all people with faith are the same." Sango shrugged. "Just reminds me of something Kagome said to me. That maybe it's not the belief in a higher good that will save us. Maybe it's the strive to be the higher good that will." Sango smiled. "Maybe it depends on who believes in what."

The silver haired man shook his head. "Goodbye, Sango."

"Yeah, see you tonight." Sango walked out. "And clean your apartment. It stinks."

InuYasha grunted and closed his eyes, but opened them when he heard the door click shut. 'Strive to be the higher good?' His mind flashed to Kagome. He mentally shook his head and shut his eyes. He'd never get back to that dream now.

-+-

"Nervous?"

Kagome laughed as she pulled her long black hair up into a high ponytail. "You had to even ask?"

Sango grinned as she applied eyeliner on her face. They were sitting in a small dressing room at the Stadium, preparing for their turn for the competition. Only twenty bands were here, all ages and types of music. Perdition was to be one of the last shows, since heavy metal was considered too "expressive" for earlier shows.

Kagome fidgeted with her fingers as she began to pace the room. The stadium where they were to play could hold ten thousand people, not to mention the fact the local media would have cameras set up for people all over to watch. The girl let out a shaky breath and double-checked her make up one more time.

Sango sighed. "Kagome, it's fine if you want to get changed now. I really won't look if it will make you happy."

Kagome shook her head and grinned. "No, thanks anyways. I'm going to grab a water and be right back."

Sango just smiled as the girl darted out of the dressing room. She could hear the boys in the room next to theirs. She could tell it was them since no one could swear as much as those guys.

She giggled as she heard a thump and InuYasha's muffled voice shout through the wall.

"Ow! Fuck, Kouga! I only asked if she got down on ya!"

Kagome turned her head in the direction of the boy's dressing room as she walked up the corridor. She rolled her eyes as a hard thump hit the wall. No doubt they were in a fight over something stupid. She shook her head before heading over to the table where several bottled waters were stacked.

"Hey, Gorgeous."

Kagome looked up to see a crooked smile on a rugged face. She eyed the man that stood in front of her quickly. He was attractive in an arrogant sort of way. His blonde hair was spiked haphazardly and his hazel eyes flicked over her body appreciatively. She had to refrain from sighing in exasperation. Instead she just smiled and turned to head back to the room after grabbing her water.

"Not even a hello?"

Kagome turned her head back but continued walking. "Hello."

The man jogged over to her. "Name's Jet. Hard rock section."

"Kagome." The girl grinned softly.

"You must be in the pop rock." He smirked, gazing down at her Tommy jeans and pink Hello Kitty t-shirt.

Kagome just smiled and tried to walk away from him.

Her arm was quickly grabbed and she was roughly pulled against his chest. "If you don't have to be on stage for another while yet, Princess, want to come to my dressing room, get to know each other better?"

Kagome briefly shut her eyes in annoyance. Being pulled into hard chests was becoming an everyday thing to her it seems. Yet she didn't seem to mind it when InuYasha did it. This guy, however, was too close for comfort. She could smell a bitter scent off of him that made her want to sneeze and her eyes water.

Kagome bit her lip and took a step back from him to look into his eyes. He was grinning slightly as he eyed her lips hungrily. "I'm sorry. But I have to get ready. I'll be performing soon." She smiled and pulled herself from his grasp.

"What's the matter? Got a nickel between your knees?"

Kagome turned to him and shook her head. He was desperately trying her patience. Luckily she had the practice with InuYasha to overcome this small thing. She sighed and gave him a small smile, one that hinted an end to their conversation. "No, Sir. I cherish the company I am with, and I am happy to have met you. Good luck tonight, Jet."

She quickly walked into her dressing room without a second glance, shutting the door smartly behind her.

The man shook his head and walked off. 'Ice Queen.'

"You okay there, Kags? You seem a bit out of it." Sango frowned as Kagome entered the room.

Kagome shook her head softly, quickly shrugging off the Jet incident. "No, just anxious. My family from the Shikon House is out there tonight. I hope they like us."

Sango grinned. "Kags, the way you go on about them, I'm sure they'd love you no matter what you did."

Kagome flushed. "Yeah. I know." She glanced over at the leather suit resting on the chair. "Guess I should get changed."

"Yeah." Sango stood and stretched. "I'm going to check on our instruments, give you time to change. I'll be back to get you in a few minutes."

Kagome nodded and reached for the suit as her friend left.

Sango had ducked into the equipment bay just as Miroku was pushed out of the boy's dressing room. He was already dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt, looking immaculate, yet his dark hair was ruffled by gel and horseplay. He gingerly tried to put it back in place. "Damn it, Kouga!"

"Hey, Miroku! Wait 'til I tell Sango you wax your asshole!"

"InuYasha, blow it out your ass." He fumed and tried to keep down a blush. He shut the door to their laughter and gingerly headed over to the girls' dressing room.

"I'd watch it if I were you."

Miroku looked up to see a blonde haired punk walk past with several members of his band. "Excuse me?"

"There's a frigid bitch in there. Doubt you'll get very far with her." The man smirked before jogging to catch up with his group who were due to head on stage.

Miroku grinned. That sounded like his Sango alright. If she was in there, it would mean that at least Kagome were dressed, since Sango mentioned Kagome would never change unless she was alone. And if he happened to catch his ladylove naked, well, who is to say there was no God?

Miroku grinned devilishly as he entered the dressing room in a rush, closing the door swiftly behind him. "Ah, my beautiful dar…."

His eyes widened at the sight of Kagome. She was in her leather pants already, but was topless. He gawked at her bare back before she spun to face him, clutching her arms over her breasts.

"Miro?!"

Miroku stared speechless into her terrified blue eyes before his eyes drifted to the mirror behind her. He couldn't believe what he saw. Never before had he ever seen such damage on one person. Her back was scarred beyond belief. White jagged arcs enveloped around her shoulders and swept down to meet together above her tailbone. If it wasn't for the fact he knew what they were, he would have thought they were perfect white wings folded against her back, instead of grotesque scars that marred this beautiful girl.

He shook his head numbly. "Kagome, I…."

She looked back at the mirror behind her and yelped. She grabbed her black tank top quickly and put it on.

"What are you doing in here?" She yelled, turning to face him. Her body and voice shook slightly.

Miroku watched her fight tears as she looked down in shame and fright. He'd never seen that expression on her face. He had never seen her cry. It was something he'd never for the life of him wanted to see again. "Kagome, I'm sorry. I thought Sango…."

"She's looking after the equipment." Kagome breathed quickly, her eyes searching the room frantically for nothing in particular.

"Kagome."

She hesitantly lifted her gaze to him. Tears rimmed her blue eyes making them shine brighter. "Please don't tell anyone what you saw."

Miroku shook his head slightly in awe. "How?"

Kagome sat delicately in the chair behind her. She stared sadly down at the ground in an attempt to avoid looking at him. She seemed to struggle with words before she managed to explain softly. "In a house fire."

Miroku nodded and moved a chair to sit beside her. "I'm so sorry, Kagome."

She nodded softly. "It's okay, really. It was a long time ago. But it's not something I like people to see. You just caught me off guard."

The gray-eyed man looked around guiltily before he sighed. He lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes. He raised his right hand in front of her for her to watch as he removed the leather glove.

Kagome gasped as she saw his bright red hand, twisted and gnarled by excessive scarring.

"Shot by friendly fire," Miroku grimaced, flexing his hand stiffly, "as I was trying to run away with my father during a raid. The bullet that went through my hand hit my father square in the chest, killing him instantly. I was in the hospital for a about a week. They managed to place metal brackets to join my severed bones. It was the most painful experience I ever had, not counting watching my father die in front of me. After that, they sent me to a half way house. That's where I met InuYasha. I was there for a few months before my father's friend, Mushin, found me and brought me to live with him."

Kagome looked up at him in numbed shock before she looked back down. "Oh, Miro…."

He shook his head. "It's okay, even though I lost my father, I was raised by a good man. He was a Buddhist monk, or so he said. Drank like a sailor and taught me everything I know about women."

Kagome giggled through her shaky state. "He must have left a few things out."

Miroku grinned. "He must have." His grin faded. "When he died, he didn't leave much for me, so going to school wasn't really an option, so I just managed to get by with odd jobs." He flexed his scarred hand and grimaced. "Hard to do manual work when one hand is crippled. I'm just thankful I can strum a guitar."

Kagome smiled, finally relaxing a bit. "The best I ever heard."

Miroku looked at her serenely. "Thanks."

Kagome looked him over softly. "You said you met InuYasha at a half way house? All this time I thought he grew up with his brother."

The dark haired man looked uncomfortable. "Things happened. We each have our own story to tell."

Kagome looked down and nodded silently, understanding his meaning.

They were quiet for a long while until her soft voice trickled across his ears.

"It was an air raid during the war. A bomb was dropped over our city block. The force shattered the windows and shrapnel set our house on fire. Everyone was asleep before we heard the bomb hit. But there wasn't anything we could do. The roof caved in automatically on top of us and the timbers burned my shoulders. I dragged my body out from under them, but it just made them burn all the way down my back." She shuddered as she tried to hold back her tears from a memory that would never heal. "I was the only one that made it out."

Miroku looked at her stunned. Their sweet innocent Kagome didn't escape the war so easily after all. But she seemed so happy and content with her life. How was it possible after what she went through? Her family died right in front of her, and her body was a constant reminder of that night. Yet she was never without a smile or a happy memory.

Her voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"I don't know how long I was in the hospital." Her eyes looked distant as she remembered. "I woke up on my stomach. The first thing I saw was Lady Kaede smiling down at me. She was there visiting the sick children's ward to offer prayer and help. She took care of me until I got better. Then she took me home to Shikon House." Kagome grinned through her tear stained eyes. "And I have been there ever since."

They were both silent for a short time until Miroku cleared his throat. He fingered the glove in his hands sheepishly. "I understand now why you never wore revealing shirts." He smiled and shrugged. "Just thought you were being modest."

Kagome smiled softly as she gazed up at him. "I don't hide from my past. I know what I've been through and I can talk about it now. We all have our burdens. Lady Kaede taught me how to give mine to God. But my scars…."

Miroku nodded. "We don't like to be constantly reminded and be pitied." He looked down at his hand and grimaced. "And let's face it, not many would want to see them and be reminded themselves."

She searched his eyes as she nervously bit her lip. She nodded. "The burns on my back never healed right. I just hate the way people look when they see my back. I'm not a vain person…."

"I know. Nor am I." Miroku grinned. "Though I do appreciate beauty. And you, Kagome, are the most beautiful I have ever seen."

A rogue tear finally escaped her eye and it trailed down her face. In a desperate sigh she grabbed Miroku and hugged him tightly against her.

Miroku was stunned for a moment before he slowly wrapped his arms around her back, rubbing his palms up and down the rough contours of the scars through her shirt. He felt an incredible bond grow between them just then. He shut his eyes as he cradled her closer to him. He knew her past, and she knew his. It was so easy to tell her, even though it wasn't something he liked to divulge to anyone. And he knew it must have taken so much for her to reveal this to him, especially in the way he discovered it.

She had often talked about her mother, grandfather and brother in the past. Told little stories about what they did. He never thought anything of it to ask what happened to them. War did that to you. You just accepted that they were gone and moved on, and never asked. He knew something must have happened, why else would she end up at the orphanage? He knew from the start InuYasha's claim that the girl was unaffected was a lie.

He could also tell she did not suppress her memories. Hell, her body was a constant reminder. But no one likes to remember the loss. Yet she lived as if her life was nothing more than love and happiness.

He mentally shook his head in disbelief. How the hell does she do it? She was so strong to have endured that and now to live like she did. Losing her family, being scarred by the fire that killed them, and now taking care of the children left over by the war. What was it in her that made her live so purely, though her life was nothing but pain?

She amazed him. He wished he had a fraction of her strength and spirit. If only he could be like her in some way, maybe then he'd also be able to heal.

Kagome shivered in his arms and released a shaky sigh when he pulled back to kiss her forehead in loving tenderness.

"What the fuck?!"

Miroku and Kagome jerked up to see the rest of the band standing at the doorway. Kouga looked curious, while both Sango and InuYasha looked livid.

Miroku glanced down at Kagome's alarmed face. His eyes softened as he looked into hers. He winked at her, letting her know everything would be okay.

As if reading his thoughts, Kagome smiled softly, swiping the tear quickly from her face, acting as if wiping something from her eye.

The gesture went unnoticed by everyone except Sango. She knew Kagome well enough to know nothing sexual happened, though she didn't like the fact her boyfriend kissed her friend's forehead. She also noticed when Miroku quickly put his glove back on.

It was then that she visibly relaxed. 'So he confided in her. He wouldn't have done that unless he found out something big about her.'

The golden-eyed singer beside her quickly broke her thoughts.

"I asked what the fuck is going on!"

Miroku sighed and stood. "Nothing to warrant your jealousy, InuYasha. Kagome and I were just praying."

InuYasha's mouth dropped. "What?"

Miroku grinned. "As much of a godsend you think you are, InuYasha, I thought it prudent to ask for a little more heavenly intervention on our behalf."

Kagome fought off a smile as she looked to the far wall to gain back her composure.

"Keh. Waste of fucking air, if you ask me." InuYasha averted his gaze to the same wall. 'And I wasn't jealous.'

"Very well, InuYasha, but our prayer has been sent. Is it time for us to go on?" Miroku brushed lazily at his clothing.

The singer eyed the two warily. "Yeah, they are waiting for us upstairs."

Miroku smiled and placed his hand on Kagome's back to usher her to stand. "Well, let's go then. We've got your back."

"Whatever, come on." InuYasha gripped.

Everyone turned to head upstairs. Miroku looked down at Kagome and winked. "And I got yours."


	9. The First Battle

Kagome fidgeted nervously with her sticks as she watched the band before them perform. They were good, real good.

"Stop it."

Kagome looked up to see InuYasha glaring at her over his shoulder. She held her sticks tightly to her chest and nodded sheepishly.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest as he watched the band. "They have no spark, the bass is dull, and you can't hear what the fucker is saying since he's screaming the damn song."

Kagome giggled before she quickly held it in check.

InuYasha eyed her over his shoulder and she thought she could see a small grin on his face.

"I think I see Shippou." Sango peered out at the crowd. It was amazing to find anyone since the stadium was packed with close to ten thousand people.

Kagome craned her neck and smiled. It was a bit much for all of the children to come watch, but a few of the older ones made it. In the distance she could see Lady Kaede, Shippou, Ayame, Hojo, Jim, Souten, Kanna and Kohaku. She barely recognized Kohaku, since he had his hair spiked and wore black liner around his chocolate eyes.

"Looks like you have an admirer." Sango grinned.

"No." Kagome smiled. "I have family."

"This vomit was brought to you by another Kodak moment." InuYasha gagged on his finger.

Kagome slapped his arm and laughed.

InuYasha grinned in spite of himself and nudged her back with his arm before catching himself. Did he just play with her? He turned his back to her, shaking off the feeling as he gazed up at the crowd with them. He quickly crossed his arms and leered over at Kouga. "I see Baby Spice came to wish you well."

Kouga smirked as he looked up at Ayame. None of the Shikon crowd seemed to notice the band staring up at them as they cheered politely at those on stage.

Kouga grinned at the look of boredom on Ayame's face as she watched the current rock band perform. 'That's my girl.' His navy eyes flicked to InuYasha. "Jealous?"

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Of what?"

"I don't see any tall, fair and gorgeous creatures out there waiting for you." Kouga sneered.

"Sure he does," Miroku grinned and pointed, "right over there."

All eyes searched the front row and InuYasha's mouth dropped in disgust at seeing Sesshomaru sitting stoically by himself. "Fucking asshat!"

Everyone busted laughing as InuYasha turned and nailed Miroku in the arm.

"Ow! I got to play with that arm!" Miroku laughed and rubbed his bicep.

They moved out of the way as the last band walked off of the stage. InuYasha inadvertently stepped in front of Kagome, shielding her from being hit by the one of the performer's guitar.

Her eyes nearly closed as she breathed him in. He smelled so warm and spicy sweet. She wanted to melt against him before his voice woke her from her dazed state.

"Watch it, moron." InuYasha seethed and crossed his arms.

Kagome blinked herself out of her reverie and peered around InuYasha's body. She frowned as she recognized the man as the one down by the water table.

Jet turned at InuYasha's insult and was about to retort when his eyes fell on Kagome. His eyes roamed her body seductively. "Well, Hello Kitty."

She unconsciously stood closer to InuYasha but there was no need as the silver haired man stepped back, hiding her from Jet's view.

"I suggest if you like to keep your whiny voice you'll walk away now before I rip your goddamned throat out." InuYasha growled.

Jet's eyes hardened as he glared up at InuYasha. "Whatever, man, she's a bad fuck anyways."

InuYasha's eyes flared fire and he lunged at the man, but his hand was held in a warm grip. He turned back furiously, only to be caught off guard by smiling blue eyes.

"They called our name, InuYasha. We're up."

He wrenched his hand from hers and shot his gaze back to the fucker he was about to kill, but Jet was already too far to reach. He stared back down at Kagome. What the fuck came over him? He actually protected her? He never gave a shit what anyone thought about anyone before. But somehow having that ass-stain say stuff about Kagome made him want to kill everything around her. His eyes narrowed as he fought back the feeling. What was she doing to him?

"InuYasha?" Kagome tilted her head softly.

"Well, get out there!" He barked.

Kagome just smiled and she headed out on the stage. She barely heard the applause over her racing heart as she sat down at the drums. Her eyes drifted over to her band mates. Kouga adjusted his bass, while Miroku and Sango moved to opposite sides of the stage carrying their guitars. Sango was going to play electric with Miroku during this song, since the keyboard didn't fit in the method. Soon after, InuYasha jogged on to the stage and grabbed the mike from the stand. Several in the crowd erupted at the sight of InuYasha and she could tell they were avid fans. Her heart swelled with pride for him.

"Evening, Kyoto." His voice was like velvet as he spoke to the crowd. "It's only fair they save the best for last. And here we are…. Perdition!"

Kagome pounded the drum and the guitars thundered around her. Her eyes watched hypnotically as InuYasha moved smoothly across the stage. His silver hair looked like strands of silk as it flowed around his back and shoulders, ignited against the black t-shirt and jeans he wore. This was his element. Music was his power, and tonight he was in full force.

_Never again will I be dishonored  
And never again will I be reminded  
Of living within the world of the jaded  
They kill inspiration  
It's my obligation  
To never again, allow this to happen  
Where do I begin?  
The choices are endless  
Denying the sin  
My art, my redemption  
I carry the torch of my fathers before me_

Sango, Miroku and Kouga stood parallel to InuYasha as they sang to the crowd in chorus.

_The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away  
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice  
To change myself, I'd rather die  
Though they will not understand  
I won't make the greatest sacrifice  
You can't predict where the outcome lies  
You'll never take me alive  
_

InuYasha fisted the air, and the crowd screamed.

_I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive_

He moved like a seraph along the stage, his voice haunted and alluring as he mesmerized the audience.

_Change again, cannot be considered  
I rage again, dispelling my anger  
Where do I begin?  
The choices are endless  
My art, my redemption, my only salvation  
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with  
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness  
Repairing the rift that you have created  
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now_

He backed up to join in line with his guitarists, singing in perfect sync with them.

_The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away  
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice  
To change myself, I'd rather die  
Though they will not understand  
I won't make the greatest sacrifice  
You can't predict where the outcome lies  
You'll never take me alive_

InuYasha stared out at the crowd. His golden eyes pierced at them, challenging them to take him on.

_I'm no slave  
Are you feeling brave?  
Or have you gone out of your mind?  
No more games  
It won't feel the same  
If I hold my anger inside  
There's no meaning  
My soul is bleeding  
I've had enough of your kind  
One suggestion, use your discretion  
Before you label me blind_

He looked down as his voice carried out to the furthest corners of the stadium, enhanced by the beat of Kagome's drums and the subtle rhythms of the guitars. He chanced a glance back at Kagome. Her body glistened with her sweat and long strands of her hair framed her face. Her mouth was open slightly as she panted and her eyes were fierce as she pounded her body in tune to the beats she stroke. She looked like a goddess, beautiful and full of blue fire. He watched her a moment longer before looking up at the crowd.

_The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away  
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice_

Perdition thundered into his song and the lights flared around them.

_To change myself, I'd rather die  
Though they will not understand  
I won't make the greatest sacrifice  
You can't predict where the outcome lies  
You'll never take me alive_

His eyes flashed up to his massing flock, which were captured in the soul of his voice.

_I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive_

The crowd erupted in ferocious applause and stood in masses around the stadium.

Kagome smiled. Her family had stood up during the song, so enamored with it along with the rest of the audience. They cheered and called to her, waving furiously. She began to laugh between her pants. She could see why InuYasha soaked this up so much. The feeling was amazing.

"Come on, Kagome!" Sango laughed as they began to jog off the stage. Kagome grinned and followed quickly behind.

"What do we do now?" Kagome panted once they were off the stage.

"We wait." InuYasha said. He was also panting as he stared out at the stage as the announcer came up.

Kagome looked up at him and her mouth went dry. His hair was dampened by sweat, and he flicked it back with his fingers. That same sweat glistened down his neck, chest and back, slicking his t-shirt against his upper body, which shuddered as he heaved in gulps of air. His eyes were alight with a fire she never seen in them before. He reminded her of Michael, God's anointed angel of war. He stood so proud, so commanding and so mighty, just below God himself.

InuYasha turned to catch her staring and his eyes widened at what he saw. Her eyes shone like the heavens, blue skies marked by bright stars, and she looked at him as if he were the brightest star of them all. InuYasha swallowed between his pants, trying to unclog his throat that felt constricted all of a sudden. Never in his life had he ever deserved what her eyes revealed. If she could bless him one more moment of that look he would gladly fall to his knees before her.

A crowd of squealing girls rushed past them, breaking their eye contact. InuYasha blinked heavily as he numbly watched the group run up to the stage.

Sango shook her head and frowned. "Three bands to go on to the second competition and one of them had to be a fucking pop band."

Miroku hugged her shoulders. "Well, we don't live in a perfect world where everyone hates pop music."

Sango giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

InuYasha cast his eyes back to Kagome and his heart lurched. She was looking at the floor. Her eyes were distant and mouth slightly open as if she had witnessed something that had shocked her to the core.

"Hey?"

Her eyes shot up to meet his. Confusion and innocent desire eddied in her depths.

InuYasha was stunned for a moment. What had he done to make her look at him like that? He mentally shook himself. Whatever it was, it put her in the perfect place to be set up and knocked down. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to go near her. His eyes drifted down to her lips and his chest tightened. One true kiss wouldn't make him a martyr would it?

"Perdition!"

All eyes shot up to the stage.

"Oh my God!" Sango screamed and threw herself into Miroku's arms.

InuYasha looked at the stage, confused as his mind tried to get back on track. They won? He blinked. They won! His mouth quirked into a relieved smile as he pushed his band up to the stage and followed after.

"Congratulations!" The announcer beamed, and bowed to each member. The other two bands on the stage cheered politely.

InuYasha cast his eyes around the crowd, smiling and winking at a few fan girls, before his gaze fell on a sight that both terrified and eased him all at once. He quickly turned to watch the announcer as he spoke to the audience and several television cameras.

"These three bands will continue on to the next competition, held in Tokyo. They will compete with bands all across Japan, and if they win, will be given the opportunity to go on to compete in the Battle of the Orient, held in Hong Kong. Stay tuned next Friday for our second battle in War of the Bands!"

InuYasha had to keep from rolling his eyes at the corny broadcast before they were ushered off the stage.

One week. They had one week to be ready for Tokyo. His heart felt chilled all of a sudden and he felt slightly sick. A lot was at stake, more than he cared to realize. His eyes roamed over to Kagome. At that moment he needed something more to believe in.

-+-

"Oh Kagome, you guys were amazing!" Ayame ran over to them in the parking lot and hugged the drummer fiercely, letting Kagome go with barely enough air to breathe. Her green eyes danced happily as she jumped up and hugged Kouga tightly. "Kouga, I never heard anything so awesome!"

The bass player flushed slightly, catching her in his arms. He gently placed her back on the ground and smiled shyly down at her before he hefted his guitar case to put in the back of the van as they packed up.

Kagome laughed, still on the high from the competition. "Thanks Ayame." She gazed over at the green station wagon in the parking lot. Jim, Souten and Shippou were making faces at them from the back seat window and Kaede was scolding them from the passenger side. "Where are Kohaku, Kanna and Hojo?"

"They got tired of waiting for you to get changed and such so they went back to the House." Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

Kagome eyed her suspiciously. "What are you up to?"

Ayame feigned innocence then let her eyes darken in glee. "So where is he?"

"He?" Kagome looked away and flushed.

"Yeah, Mr. High and Mighty himself."

Laughter echoed over to them as Sango and Miroku walked up to the van to place the last of the equipment in.

"High and Mighty?" Sango chuckled.

Ayame nudged Kagome. "Your little drummer's angry nickname for your singer. Where is he? We'd love to meet him."

Kagome blushed and turned. "I haven't seen him since we got off the stage."

Miroku shrugged. "He was still in the dressing room when I left about twenty minutes ago."

"Heh, just like the guy to fuck off somewhere and leave us to do the work." Kouga griped.

Ayame cleared her throat softly and looked at him with smiling eyes.

Kouga grimaced sheepishly. "Sorry."

Kagome giggled. "I'll get him. I wanted to congratulate him before I left anyways."

Everyone nodded as they chatted idly by the van.

Kagome jogged back into the stadium and down to the dressing rooms. Her heart thundered slightly as she neared the room the boys used. After the concert tonight Kagome couldn't stop thinking about him. He seemed much more reachable, personable almost. Sure he was still rough around the edges, but tonight he just seemed like himself around her. She grinned as she approached the door. She could come to like that in him. InuYasha being himself.

She lifted her hand to knock but was caught unawares by his voice inside.

"Oh fuck…."

Startled, Kagome knocked on the door. "InuYasha? Are you alright?"

"Fucking Jesus!"

She could hear him stumble around in the room. She bit her lip anxiously as he fumbled for the lock on the door, his voice muttering something she couldn't make out.

"InuYasha?"

The door opened slightly as InuYasha looked down at her. He seemed pale and dazed.

Kagome's eyes widened at the sight of his bare chest and toned stomach muscles that ended in a slight V before he hiked his pants up higher and hitched his belt together. Kagome flushed and she looked up at his face. His eyes looked darker, like honey and his hair was up in a ponytail.

He looked at her in confusion as if not recognizing her, eyeing her up and down as he finished tying his belt.

"Yeah?"

She smiled up at him, finally catching her breath. "Hi. I was… um…." Her gaze flicked to the door before she allowed them to look into his eyes once again. "I like your hair like that. It doesn't hide your face. I can see how handsome you are."

His eyes widened slightly as he gazed at her fully before he looked down uncomfortably. "Is there a reason why you're here?"

"Oh." She flushed and cleared her throat, trying to gain semblance of her thoughts. "Yeah, my family would love to meet you. I … I was hoping that you…."

"I'm busy." He growled low that it almost sounded like a mumble.

Kagome's smile fell somewhat. "Oh." She sighed and her breath hitched. She frowned at him. "Are you smoking in there?"

InuYasha stumbled as the door he was holding opened wider, revealing a topless woman, wearing nothing but a red lace thong. Kagome paled as she recognized the woman from the gray Lexus.

Kikyo lifted the joint from her mouth and popped it in InuYasha's slack lips. She blew the heavy smoke in Kagome's face.

"We… are busy. Is there something you needed, little girl?" Her lips curled in a sneer as she pressed her tits hard against InuYasha's back. Deftly, she wrapped her long arms around his waist to massage the dying bulge at his crotch, watching Kagome all the while.

InuYasha grunted angrily, pulling the joint from his mouth. "Damn it, Kikyo, get the fuck back in there." He pushed the woman's arms from around him and thrust the joint into her hand.

Kikyo looked up at him in shocked anger and then shrugged. She gave Kagome a spiteful leer and headed back into the room.

InuYasha stepped from the room and shut the door. He seemed to struggle to find something to say but Kagome beat him to it.

"You're busy." She smiled up at him, though he could see her face was pale. "Maybe you can meet them some other time?"

She turned to go but quickly spun around to face him. "Oh, I almost forgot." Her lips struggled to smile and her blue eyes wavered down to the ground. She let out a shaky breath before she gazed up at him with the brightest blue he had ever seen and the kindest smile he could ever been given.

"You were amazing. I never felt more alive than I was with you tonight. And I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you. We made it because of you." She looked at him, as if half expecting him to say something before she nodded slightly to herself. "Goodnight, InuYasha, see you at practice." She turned and jogged to the stairs and up out of his sight.

InuYasha watched her go in a state of shock. His eyes cast to the floor as he tried to figure out just what happened. For some reason the fact that she caught him with Kikyo repulsed him and made him feel bitterly sick. But why did he care? If the church mouse got hurt it was her own damn fault. Not like she was anything to him.

Then why did he find it hard to breathe when those damn blue eyes looked at him with the same blameless expression? She had to know what he was doing. He cast his eyes to the stairs. She knew exactly what he was doing. Other than shock at seeing Kikyo, nothing seemed to faze her. She smiled at him and praised him. The light in her eyes never went out. No, that was a lie. For a moment he saw it flicker dark, but just as quickly it was back, and brighter than before. She was just as pure, and just as untouchable as ever. And what amazed him the most was that it seemed no matter what he did, she never condemned him.

InuYasha inhaled the stagnant air of the hallway before turning back to the dressing room door. 'She said I was handsome. She said I was amazing. She said she was proud of me….' His eyes flicked to the stairs one last time before he went reluctantly into the room. It was at that moment he realized he would never be able to put out her flame. And it was then he realized he didn't want to.

A/N: I'm Alive, performed by Disturbed. One of my favorite bands. Also, I drew a few pictures to give an illustration how the characters may look. I'll add on pictures when chapters develop since I don't want to give any spoilers. Happy reading and please review if you like the story. It encourages me to know people are liking it so I'll write more.

/fanart/view.php/190745

Revised chapter to add more kids. Sorry, felt odd having so few children from the orphanage come.


	10. Of the Fallen

Kagome ran up the stairs quickly, her mind racing at the images she saw. She shut her eyes against the assault but her mind kept flashing them in succession.

Shaking her head, she forced her eyes open and stared hard at the ground as she walked down the corridor. Part of her told her to be angry, part of her told her to hate and to be jealous. But her hopeful heart played over what her raging mind wanted to miss. No matter what she saw, all she could notice were his desolate eyes.

She didn't understand. They had won the first round of the competition. His hard work had paid off and they would be well known throughout Kyoto. They were even going on to Tokyo. Perdition was making a name for itself. Yet he still wasn't happy. For some reason he still escaped into the darkness, into the very thing that was eating him alive.

Her countenance saddened at the thought. He was afraid. And his fear was pulling him into places he may never get out of. She couldn't be angry with him, she couldn't hate him, and she certainly had no right to be jealous. He was doing exactly what he thought he needed to do to hide his fear. Being angry wouldn't help him from the shadows. It would only push him back. Instead, she would do exactly what someone did for her. She would care for him, no matter what temptations he succumbed to. Her eyes narrowed slightly at the memory of Kikyo, her naked body touching….

Kagome stopped in her tracks and swallowed hard, shutting her eyes once more. There was more to this woman than she dared to know. She could tell InuYasha did not care for Kikyo. The disgust on his face when Kikyo had touched him was enough to tell her that. But she didn't understand. Whether or not he cared, he had this woman. He had this Kikyo. So why did he kiss her? Why did he tempt her so much? What was it he wanted from her when he already had someone else?

She sighed. That wasn't the point, was it? It didn't matter what he wanted from her or felt for her. It was the fact that she had developed feelings for him.

In the beginning she could stand up against his assault and wrath. They were just the words of an angry man. But now her heart was exposed. It wasn't something she intended, but it happened. All it took was one kiss to reveal to her the man he really was, to see the part of him he had hidden away. But so quickly he pulled himself back into the anger and bitterness he held like a shield.

It was hard to keep his words from affecting her since then. She thought she could still hold her ground against him, hide her heart from him, but tonight was the turning point. The way he got on that stage, the way he sang…. She could tell nothing else was there to tear him down. It was there, on that stage, she saw InuYasha as he could be, as he was meant to be. InuYasha was strong, InuYasha was brave, and InuYasha was InuYasha. And she loved that about him.

Kagome's shoulders slumped and she continued walking though her thoughts led her. He was back in his shell again, hiding under that cloak of smoke and daggers he made for himself. The man she craved was in there, but hidden. The man he was now was wrapped up with that woman downstairs.

She shivered at the thought of cold dead eyes glaring at her. This woman, Kikyo, looked so dark, so black inside. It chilled her. She knew what this woman was to him and Kagome couldn't tell which hurt more. The fact Kikyo was just a means for his pleasure or the fact InuYasha felt that was all he needed. Didn't he know there was so much more? Didn't he know he could have so much more?

Kagome rubbed her forehead as she tried to wipe away the direction her thoughts were going. It wasn't her say to decide what he wanted. He made his choices. And she had hers. Only now, she sighed, her choices were no longer so simple. She cared about him but she could not get close him. To do that would only make her walk into the darkness with him. The very idea was chilling. Instead, she could only watch over him, never letting him see her heart, no matter how much he tempted. No matter how much she wanted to let it all go.

Yet she would not lose hope for him. Her path was decided, and she had to walk it.

And she walked directly into a hard chest.

"Oomph!" Kagome stumbled back and blinked back to reality. "I'm so sorry, Mr.…." She looked up and her eyes widened as she saw her reflection in dark pools of gold. "Sesshomaru?"

A dark brow quirked slightly, "Mr. Sesshomaru?"

"Sorry," Kagome flushed. She cocked her head back to look at him fully. "We haven't really been properly introduced, have we?"

He nodded slightly. "Business does tend to get in the way, whether it is professional…or family." His eyes roamed her body quickly, taking in her jeans and pink shirt. She really did look as innocent as they claim. Well, mostly. He internally smirked. She still had her black make up on. "Since we will be working together for awhile it seems, you may continue calling me Sesshomaru."

She smiled shyly. "Thank you, Sesshomaru."

Golden eyes met blue. "Kagome."

Kagome blushed slightly and stepped back. "I'm sorry for running into you, my mind was somewhere else."

"Obviously. I am usually hard to ignore."

Kagome looked up at him stunned. She had him pegged as a cold man the first time they met, but she could see a glint of humour reflected in his gaze. She smiled brightly in spite of all that just happened. "So how did you find the concert?"

Sesshomaru looked contemplative for a moment. "It lacked the social grace and subtle charms I have grown accustomed to, but I adjusted."

Kagome quirked her head slightly to the side as she regarded him, "Well, I'm sure the rap portion was more to your standard?"

The man gazed down at her and his lips curved slightly in a mild grin. "Yes, the highlight of my night."

Kagome laughed. "Well, stroke my ego. How did you find 'your investment'?"

"You won."

"Yes, we did. But what did you think?" Kagome grinned.

Sesshomaru smirked and Kagome felt her stomach pang at how close it resembled InuYasha's. "I think you deserved that win."

Her smile grew wider. "Thank you, Sesshomaru."

He looked away and shrugged. "I assume it would be more prudent that I thank you, Kagome. Perdition may yet pay me back for the expensive drum set you play on, among other things."

Kagome smile faded into a relaxed grin. "Well, if InuYasha continues to keep up the great work he has been doing, I am sure you will be seeing more cheques."

"Speaking of which." Sesshomaru glanced down at her. "Where is my brother?"

Kagome's smile faded and she looked to the far doors that led outside. "He's… still getting ready."

Golden eyes searched her face intently. "I see. If you will excuse me." He walked past her to head towards the stairs leading to the dressing rooms.

Kagome shut her eyes and swallowed hard. "Wait!"

The man turned to regard her curiously.

She looked back at him, her face showing signs of worry and gentle sadness. She sighed. "He isn't alone."

Sesshomaru's eyes darkened slightly. "I know." He turned to descend down the stairs.

"Sesshomaru?"

He sighed and looked back up at her. "Kagome?"

She smiled gently as she walked over to him. She fidgeted with her fingers endearingly and Sesshomaru couldn't help but feel she was stalling him.

"I… I know it's a bit late, but my family has organized a surprise party for me at home. The band has been invited by now, and I was wondering if you would like to drop by? I mean it is because of your investment we were able to get anywhere at all."

Sesshomaru searched her face intently with slight surprise. He could see why his brother was so enamoured with the girl. The night he walked into the warehouse he noticed the fire back in InuYasha's eyes, especially when he addressed the girl in front of him. InuYasha never cared how or what Sesshomaru said to the women he was interested in, yet the jealousy that burned through his little brother as he regarded Kagome definitely made him take special notice of her.

She stood so shyly in front of him, yet so confident in her abilities. Her body was enough to make even Sesshomaru blink, especially in her black leather clothes and make up. Yet he could see she didn't belong in the darkness. Kagome was of light and laughter, the very thing his brother needed, if the idiot ever got out of his damn hole to realize it.

Sesshomaru shook his head slightly. "I am overdue to be at home as is. I told my daughter I would be back to watch the concert on television with her."

Kagome blinked. "Oh, I never knew you had a child, Sesshomaru."

He nodded softly. "Rin."

She smiled. "Then perhaps you both shall come another time?"

"Yes." He smirked. "Next week, when you win the second competition."

Her smile grew brighter. "Yes, next week. Have a good night, Sesshomaru." She was about to turn but stopped. "Um… Sesshomaru?"

The man looked back up at her intently, though he was beginning to get annoyed.

Her eyes darted down the stairs and he could see she was internally struggling with something. Her face was a little pale as she tried to formulate what she wanted to say.

"Kagome." Her eyes darted to meet his. "There is nothing you need to protect him from tonight. I will make sure he gets home safe. I always do."

She searched his face quickly before she seemed to visibly relax. "Thank you." With that she turned on her heel and jogged out of the stadium, leaving him with the burden he would have to face when he opened the dressing room door.

- -

Kagome smiled as she approached the van. "Well, are we going to the party or what?"

Ayame's face dropped. "How'd you know?"

"Small house." Kagome winked.

Ayame gave her a deadly glare. "You bribed Shippou, didn't you?"

"He didn't make it hard." Kagome laughed. "Having a boy come up to you saying 'I know something you don't know' is a sure give away."

Ayame growled and glowered at the station wagon. "I'm going to pound that little snitch."

Kagome giggled. "Damage is done and there's a party to be had. Are we ready?"

"What about InuYasha?" Ayame asked.

Kagome's smile faded softly and she shrugged in soft acceptance. "He said he has his own plans tonight."

Kouga, Sango and Miroku looked at each other and frowned. They had seen Sesshomaru go in a few minutes before, which would not bode well for InuYasha if he were caught doing something improper. Still, he couldn't be into too much trouble if Kagome seemed herself after going to see him.

"You guys go on ahead." Sango yawned. "Me and Miro are taking the van back to the warehouse and crashing for the night."

"You're not coming?" Kagome looked at the two in disappointment.

Both shook their heads.

Sango wiped her weary eyes. "Thanks, anyways, Kags, but I…."

Miroku beat Sango to the punch. "Sorry, Kags, but we have our own celebration planned." He wiggled his eyebrows and slung his arm on Sango's shoulders.

Sango flared and shoved him hard in embarrassment. "As if!"

Kagome laughed. "Okay, so you guys have your night set, enough said. Kouga, are you coming?" She looked over at the blue-eyed man.

He didn't respond. He was too busy looking intently down at Ayame as she chatted quietly with him and stroked a tendril of his hair.

"Yes, take him, for the love of all that's sacred." Miroku rolled his eyes.

Kagome smiled softly at the two couples beside her. She was happy to seem them at ease. She cast her eyes over at Sango. "Okay, then. Well, I guess I'll see you both later. When's next practice?"

Sango shrugged and fought off a yawn. "I'll call you tomorrow once I know, but tonight, go enjoy yourself. You did great, Kagome. We're so happy you're in the band." She smiled sincerely.

Kagome grinned happily and gave her a quick hug. "Thanks, Sango, all of you were amazing. Have a great night, both of you."

They nodded and everyone said their goodbyes. As Kagome walked toward her car she casually looked behind her to see Kouga's arm wrapped around Ayame's waist, both gazing at each other as they still talked. Kagome's lips quirked as she fought off a knowing grin.

"Ayame?"

The redhead shot her eyes over at Kagome, startled out of her reverie. "Yeah?"

Kagome tossed the keys to her. "You and Kouga take my car back to the House."

Ayame looked down at the keys in her hand suspiciously. "Why?"

"I feel like chatting with Kaede on the way home." Kagome shrugged.

"Are you sure it's safe we take the Widow Maker?" Ayame grinned at Kagome's nickname for her car.

Kagome stuck her tongue out at the girl. "Yeah. Besides, I owe Shippou a candy bar for squealing."

Ayame's eyes shot daggers at the boy in the window. Shippou ducked his head quickly. "Yeah, it's safer if I took your car."

Kagome grinned and took one last glance back at the Stadium. Her heart thundered in her chest as she thought of what she was leaving behind, but tonight was not a night to look back. It was a night of new beginnings.

-+-

"Surprise!"

Kagome smiled widely as she entered the two-story house. Several children came running up to her. She laughed and hugged each of them in turn. "Oh wow! Thank you guys so much!"

Ayame walked in with Kouga behind her and gave Kagome a sly grin. "Smooth."

Shippou and Jim bounded in after them and they ran excitedly towards the kitchen where a table was set up with all sorts of food. A television was blaring in the living room showing the concert on the public channel. The Shikon House was a flurry of activity as several people came to wish Kagome congratulations.

After giving the last person a hug, Kagome turned and hugged Kaede as she walked past. "Thank you, Lady Kaede."

"I did nothing, child." Her eye glanced at the children that danced in front of the TV and laughed all around them. "They planned this for you. Mind you they would have thrown a party whether you won or lost."

Kagome smiled happily. "I'm blessed to have a great family."

"Aye, child, as are we blessed to have you. Now get in there and enjoy yourself." She smiled and shoved Kagome into the living room where she picked up a small girl and began to dance with her.

Kouga watched Kagome from the hallway intently, breaking out of his daze when Ayame handed him a plate of food. He nodded his head towards the raven-haired woman now surrounded by a mass of dancing children. "Look at her. I have never seen her without that smile on her face."

Ayame nodded and smiled softly as she watched her friend in the living room. "It's Kagome's gift. She makes all things new for anyone who comes into her life."

Kouga regarded the drummer once more before shaking his head. He liked Kagome but he was jealous that anyone could come out of the war safe and sound. He tried to hide the bitterness in his voice but failed. "How does she do it? How could she have lived a life so happy when the rest of us were trying to survive?"

Ayame looked up at him stunned. "She didn't. Kagome wasn't always like this."

"What do you mean?" He turned to her confused.

Ayame watched Kagome twirl happily around the living room, dancing along with a band that played on the television. The children laughed and twirled with her without a care in the world. Ayame sighed and led Kouga to the stairwell to sit on the steps, away from prying eyes and ears.

"Kagome is my best friend, and I know how hard it is to understand why she is the way she is. But in all honesty, is it really that bad?"

Kouga frowned and ate a little off his plate. "I don't get what you're asking."

Ayame shrugged. "Just that Kagome is happy. She wants others to be happy. Does it matter what kind of life she had? Does she need a reason?"

Kouga chewed slowly on a bite of chicken salad that suddenly turned sour in his mouth. "Never mind, just forget I asked. Doesn't matter anyways."

"Kouga?"

Sapphire eyes met emerald. "What?"

Ayame worried her lower lip as if trying to decide something. "Does it matter what kind of life she lived?"

Kouga growled as he picked distractedly off his plate. "No."

"Then why are you angry?"

His shoulders slumped as he quickly lost his tolerance. "It's just that it feels that she has every reason to be happy, because nothing bad ever happened to her. And the more she laughs and smiles, the more I think how much I hate that I can't be like that. Because I lived a shit life that I had no control over." He sighed. "I like her. She's a good kid, but sometimes her happiness is like a slap in the face for those of us who lived a hard life."

Ayame cast her eyes down and shook her head. "Then you should understand that nothing is what it appears."

"Oh? So Kagome isn't some angel in disguise?" He stabbed angrily at his food.

"If she was, she fell pretty hard to get here."

Kouga scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ayame closed her eyes in unease before looking up at him. "Promise you won't bring it up unless she does?"

Kouga blinked in uncertainty and reluctantly nodded.

The red haired girl sighed in resolution. "I'm only telling you this because I know Kagome wouldn't want you to feel that she is mocking you. It'd be better she tell you herself, but she doesn't need to be reminded of things she's worked so hard to overcome."

"I don't understand." Kouga frowned.

"I was here a few years before Kagome came to live at the orphanage. I remember the day Kaede brought her home. She was so skinny and sick looking when she first arrived. Kaede kept her in the little bedroom upstairs by herself for such a long time."

"Why? What was wrong with her?"

"Do you remember the bomb that obliterated the entire block in the south end?"

Kouga nodded. "God, yeah. Practically flattened the place. No one survived. Shit, no one even goes near that place anymore."

Ayame looked down at her plate. "You're wrong about one thing. There was a survivor."

Kouga looked down at her in shock and lifted his hand to cover his mouth. "Oh fuck, she lived through that?"

Ayame nodded.

"How?" Kouga shook his head numbly. "That bomb created a fire blast so hot it obliterated houses to ash in minutes."

Ayame bit her lip as she picked at some rice on her plate before taking the plate and placing it on the step behind her. "Kaede calls her the miracle child. How she lived was never answered. I mean her house fell right on top of her." Ayame paled. "God, I still remember hearing Kagome scream in her sleep. Calling to her family… to her brother. She saw them burn to death right in front of her. Yet somehow she managed to climb out and found some place to protect herself from the fires around her. It was almost three days since the blast that someone found her."

Kouga looked down the stairs in a numbed state. "But, she looks… she acts so…."

"Yeah." Ayame nodded before pointing to a room up the stairs. "She stayed in that room for almost a year. Her body was always bandaged because of the burns she had. She couldn't even wear clothes because they would stick to her and peel off the skin that tried to heal. She was in so much pain for such a long time. I used to carry up buckets of ice for her to lie on so she could sleep."

"Oh God." Kouga swallowed hard.

"Kaede spent every night in that room with her, singing and praying. I never thought Kagome would ever leave that room. She never even spoke. Only in her sleep did she cry and scream from the nightmares she had to have suffered. She scared the heck out of all of us." Ayame sighed. "Then one day Kaede brought home a drum set and put it in her room."

She smiled at the memory. "For days all we could hear was tap, tap, tap of the cymbals. Then, I don't know. She must have snapped because for weeks after that the drum sounded as if it was being beaten to death. She just kept hitting it over and over and over. Then one night, it just stopped. I remember that I snuck from my room to see if she was okay, wondering if she just went to bed. I opened her door a crack and looked in. She was sitting at the drums in the corner, wearing nothing but the bandages that covered her torso and legs. And she was crying." She lifted her green eyes up to the room and she shook her head in disbelief. "But she was laughing too."

Kouga looked down at Ayame, placing his discarded plate next to hers on the stair. "What happened? Did she go crazy or something?"

Ayame shook her head. "No, she was looking up at the ceiling and was smiling. And she said something I'll never forget."

"What?" Kouga shuffled closer to Ayame as if waiting to hear a secret most profound.

"'I'll live for you.'"

Kouga blinked. "What?"

Ayame smiled and looked down at her hands. "I think she was speaking to her family. I think at that moment she decided that because they were no longer alive, she would live for them. And she did. After that night, she became who she is today. She is living the life she wants others to live."

Kouga stared down at the stairs. "I… I don't know how she could have come through that and end up like this."

Ayame shut her eyes and smiled softly, her face looked serene and bright. "God heals us when we are broken."

Kouga scowled. "If only it were that easy."

He tensed but slowly relaxed when he felt her warm hand cover his.

"Healing begins with the heart, Kouga. First thing you have to do is speak what your heart speaks. If you are true to it, then everything will open to you. If you don't believe me then look at Kagome, look at all the children here. They gave their lives to God and they have everything they need."

Kouga seemed distant and wary before he turned and gazed deeply into her emerald eyes. "Think if I did that, I'd get what I wanted too?" His blue eyes filtered down to her soft pink lips.

Ayame searched his eyes in slight shock before she smiled shyly and leaned forward, capturing his lips into her own, kissing him tenderly and with compassion.

Kouga slowly closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, pressing his lips further into hers. She tasted like sugar and spice that sent tingles of pleasure through him. Her mouth was so sweet and zesty it was if he tasted her soul. Nothing he had tasted was so rich and clean and good. Good…. He grimaced in despair.

Ayame pulled back softly, breaking their kiss. Her face was tinged in a soft blush, but her eyes looked hurt at seeing the expression on his face. "Kouga?" She whispered.

"I don't deserve this." He murmured, opening his deep blue eyes to seek her own.

"Why do you say this?" She asked softly.

Kouga shut his eyes and leaned away from her to rest his back on the banister. He was quiet for a long while before he sighed wearily. "I'm not a good man, Ayame. I've done things I'm not proud of."

She remained silent.

Opening his eyes, Kouga was stunned to see her looking so sadly into his own. But it wasn't in pity or remorse of what he could have possibly done. She was sad for him, of what he had to endure, even though he had never told her. He let out a heavy breath not believing what he was about to say.

"My old man wasn't a good man, either. Got the scars the prove it." He shook his head bitterly. "I ran away from home when I was nine, lived on the streets until I got into the gangs."

She nodded and bit her lower lip, listening intently. "You told me were in one."

"Yeah, but I never told you what we did." His face seemed to pale. "You have to understand, Ayame. It's a dog eat dog world out there. It wasn't nothing to see your friends' bodies gutted during a riot and left to rot. Living on the streets was easy when you lived by one rule. Live and let die. You did what you had to in order to survive."

She gasped softly. "Kouga, did you…?"

He bit his lip and reluctantly nodded his head, casting his eyes to the ground. "Yeah. I killed."

Her eyes seemed to grow blank as she looked away in shock.

Kouga searched her face for any sign she was listening, but she looked so sick all of a sudden. He shut his eyes in revulsion. What she must think of him now.

"I should go." He moved to stand but her soft hand pulled him to sit back down beside her.

"Do you think so little of me?" Her green eyes narrowed.

He looked at her in confused regret. "No, Ayame, I just didn't want to…." His voice grew dark as his anger replaced his other emotions. "I didn't want to tell you. Shit, I just thought I could fucking confide in you."

Her soft voice quickly soothed away his temper. "Oh Kouga. I'm not upset you told me. I'm upset you would think to leave after telling me. Confiding in me tells me you trust me. Leaving tells me you don't."

He looked at her in shock before lowering his head. "Ayame, I…."

She shook her head and her eyes flashed liquid green fire as she thought about all he had to endure. "I'm just upset, because…. You were a child, Kouga. And a child should know nothing but love. The life you lived should never have happened. But it did and nothing can change that. But you survived, Ko. You did what you thought you had to in order to see another day. I'm just sad that there was no one to save you before it happened. I'm sad no one was there to help you."

Kouga glanced up and his heart nearly stopped. Tears brimmed her beautiful eyes as she looked at him with more compassion and grace he ever thought could be bestowed upon him. He licked his lips. "There was someone."

Ayame blinked in confusion, unconsciously releasing a tear to graze down her cheek.

He quietly swiped his thumb across the salty drop, brushing it away from her flushed face. "As much as I hate to admit it, someone did save me from it." He smirked. "Dogturd."

"InuYasha?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I took up playing at one of the local clubs at some point; drums, guitar… hell, what ever I could get a hold of. That's where I met him. He was trying to make it as a singer with just a junk guitar and himself. Of course, the area we were in, no respectable punk kid just waltzes in with an acoustic and expects a handout. But he did." He chuckled. "Got himself beat up a few times, but he kept coming back, until I took pity on him and jammed with him a few sessions."

"How old were you?" Ayame asked quietly.

"I was about nineteen, twenty maybe? Yash was about seventeen, I'm guessing." Kouga shrugged. "He ran away from some half way house, ended up on the streets tryin' to make something of himself. He would have gotten killed for sure on his own. So I brought him into the gang."

"InuYasha was in a gang too?"

He nodded. "Yeah, for a few months, until his brother showed up out of the blue. He practically beat InuYasha for an inch of his life trying to bring him back with him. The kid just did not want to go home."

"Why? I mean, he's Sesshomaru's brother, their family is one of the richest in Japan." Ayame bit distractedly on her thumbnail. "Why was he even at a half way house?"

"Never knew." He shrugged. "But one day his brother just showed up at the club. Normally, the gang would have intervened and protected InuYasha, but you don't mess with Taisho Sesshomaru." He looked pointedly at Ayame but refused to say more than that. "So he went back. Never heard from him for a few years until three years ago."

Ayame's eyes widened. "What happened?"

Kouga sighed. His breath shuddered when he exhaled. "Gang war. Three gangs were trying to claim one turf. Mine included. It was…." He shook his head. "It was bloody."

"…You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to." Her voice was soft and she rested her small hand on his thigh.

He shook his head. "I want you to know." He looked down at her, his eyes begging for understanding before turning to look distractedly at his hands. "A gang was your family. You took care of your own, and they took care of you. But I got careless, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

Kouga grimaced and shut his eyes at the memory. "Me and my buddy were taking a back alley to sneak up behind a few punks that were staking out our hideout. Managed to jump them by surprise. My buddy shot one of them, but the person I grabbed…."

Ayame was quiet for a moment before she placed her warm hand on his arm, rubbing it encouragingly. "Ko?"

His eyes opened and her breath hitched at the sight. Fear haloed the undeniable regret in his eyes. "He was a fucking kid, probably not much older than Ship. God, what was he thinking being there?" He rubbed his face hard in his hands. "He had no right being there."

"Ko?" Ayame bit her lower lip nervously as she tried to gain her courage. "Did you…?"

He shook his head slowly. "No, I couldn't. He was just a fucking kid. I just roughed him up and sent him on his way. Hour later he came back to where we were with a gun, shot my buddy square in the chest and just narrowly missed killing me. I got a bullet in my shoulder. Went straight through."

Gasping, Ayame looked at his shoulders in alarm. She wanted to say something, anything, but her mind couldn't comprehend anything at that moment. His cold laughter pulled her from her shock.

"Goes to show what compassion can do. Save one life, he comes back to take yours." Kouga rubbed his eyes tiredly before resting his face on his hands. "I fucked up and my gang knew it. They knew I let the boy go and they knew he came back and shot us. It was my fault he got away, it was my fault he killed my friend and it was my fault they found our hideout. And it was my punishment that I earned."

He rubbed his forehead distractedly and sighed heavily before he continued. "I was coming home from the club after jamming. Was a little drunk too, trying to forget what happened. I got jumped in an alleyway." He gingerly lifted his shirt, revealing a massive scar along his side to his navel. "My own gang turned on me. Beat me shitless and was about to kill me before I was able to fight back, but not without a little help." He smirked as he pulled his shirt back down. "Dogshit came out of nowhere it seemed, beat them off me and dragged me into a car. He got me the hell out of there."

Ayame's eyes were wide. "He saved you?"

"Yeah, which means I owe the bastard one." He chuckled coldly. "It was through InuYasha I met Miroku. The pervert let me move in with him, got me a job at the depot he worked at, doing shipping. I make shit all, but at least I'm off the street. Got myself cleaned up, and we made a band."

Kouga looked down into her bright innocent eyes and he smiled. "We auditioned for a kick ass drummer, who saved our asses one night by bringing in a beautiful redhead who had the voice of an angel and a heart of gold."

Ayame held her breath as she studied him with timid eyes and an anxious biting of her lower lip. Tears streamed freely down her face as she let her inhibitions go. She released her breath and cast her gaze down to her hands. "Oh, Ko. How can you believe there is no God?"

He looked at her blankly.

She sighed and looked up. "God is the strength within us all. It is our will to live and our hope that the next day will be better. I think God was with you at every moment of your life, helping you to survive. I believe there is a reason for everything, and I believe God has something great destined for you if you had to endure all that."

Kouga just shut his eyes and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ayame. The life I had, I can't accept faith just like that. I can't believe like you do."

"I know, and it's okay. I'm not asking you to." She took his hand. "I'm saying that I believe. I believe God was with you, helping you to get through each day. I know it was Him, because you're here now. No one would have made it through without that kind of strength and hope within them. And I know you are a good man because of it."

His eyes shot up to meet hers in disbelief. "What?"

Her green eyes searched his face intently and she smiled softly. "Kouga. You are good and you are brave, no matter what anyone tells you."

His breath seemed to hitch as he watched her intently. He shook his head in dejection. "How can you tell me God was with me? How can you say I'm a good man? From everything that I heard, God would never forgive me for what I did. I'm already condemned to hell…."

Ayame lifted her cool hand to his flushed cheek. "Do you think God is so small?"

His brow creased in puzzlement.

"A parent can forgive their child anything. Because they know their child, they know what's in their child's heart. Or at least have hope for their child. Do you think God is any less different? God knows our hearts, for He is our heart. He is the good in our heart that wants better than what we have. God is no more than one word. Love. And from love comes everything that makes life worth living, even when we live in a world as dark as ours.

"And there are times we will go wrong, and things will be bleak. And we will pray the hardest for redemption. Those that do have love left during these times repent any bad they have done. They ask for forgiveness, not for themselves so they can cast away their guilt assuming they are forgiven because they asked for it, but ask because they truly wish that those they have wronged will not be cast into the shadow with him. God… Love… forgives those who want to be forgiven, who truly do regret, because He knows what the heart wants. The heart wants to be saved from the hell it feels."

Kouga shook his head and opened his mouth to respond but Ayame cut him off.

"Hell is not fire and brimstone. It is not some place we are condemned to go because our actions were less than perfect. Hell is real and it's also within us. If God is in us in the form of love and humanity, then Hell is the opposite. But it isn't hate. It is indifference and apathy. Hell is void of any compassion and mercy. Hell regards no one, for everyone is equal, and no one is worth anything. And it is from indifference that hatred, anger, jealousy and fear come from. Think about it. How does anyone feel when someone treats them like they aren't worth a damn? It casts them into the darkness of vengeance and hate, spiralling others they have wronged into the same darkness - into the void of indifference, into Hell. How easy it is to hurt someone when you don't care they are hurt. How easy it is to hide the pain behind unfeeling. People think it is a strength to be cold, heartless and unbreakable. But all they are creating is Hell, hurting others in their wake.

"Those that do wrong without guilt or remorse could never feel God, because they have no love in them. How can anyone ask for forgiveness, when they feel they have nothing to be forgiven for? When all they will do is continue hunting down others in their path to redeem what they have lost… their hearts." Ayame smiled softly. "Why do you think we call these people heartless?"

Kouga looked at her stunned.

"You have a heart, Kouga. You regret. You regret that child was there. Yet you let him go. Any other person in your gang would have killed him, but you didn't. Why?"

He shook his head and looked down. "I don't know."

"I do." Ayame stated softly. "You chose not to kill him because you still have compassion for others. You still had hope. You chose to save one life because you didn't feel it was right to kill him. But you didn't know what would happen. It wasn't your fault for what did happen."

He shot his eyes up at her. "What?"

"It wasn't your fault, Kouga." Ayame sighed gently. "Life is made up of free will. We are given choices each and every moment. You chose to let the boy go. You chose not to kill one more person in hopes that someone would be safe, even if it wasn't you. It was the boy that chose to come back, and it was his actions that killed your friend."

"But it was my responsibility…."

Ayame shook her head. "It was your responsibility to protect, but who is to say you didn't? Was that child any less important then a member of your gang? You protected that boy. What was going through your head when you did?"

"I…." Kouga looked distant. "I was thinking he didn't belong there. He looked so scared. I just wanted him to go home. All I could think was that nothing could have been as bad as this. I just wanted him to not end up like me."

"You wanted him to be safe?"

Kouga nodded. "He didn't belong there. No one belongs there."

"You didn't want to be there?"

"I wanted a normal life."

"You wanted a good life?"

Kouga nodded. "Yeah. I wanted what I could never have. A home, a wife, kids, maybe a dog…. Hell, I wanted a mortgage, a car, a white picket fence and laundry on the line…."

Ayame smiled. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah…."

Ayame was silent for a while. "You feel like you betrayed your gang because you wanted that life, and not to be on the streets anymore?"

Kouga blinked slowly and sighed. "I felt guilty because it was what I wanted, not what I deserved. That kid was still an innocent. He could still have what I couldn't. And it was that hope that cost me my gang, hell, almost cost me my life. I deserve to die on the street just like my friend did."

A soft hand cupped his cheek and he turned to look into loving green eyes.

"A good man doesn't deserve to die on the street. And you are good, Ko, and you are very much loved. You will always have a family here."

Kouga could only stare into those beautiful eyes. These people around him now, they amazed him to no end. They each suffered tragedy yet all he could hear around him was happy laughter. And this woman… this woman before him had listened to every word he said, and she still stayed. She didn't look at him like the killer that he was, or the sinner he condemned himself to be. Her eyes still glowed for him, but now were so much richer and deeper. For some reason he trusted her. And looking into those eyes, he could see she trusted him.

His mouth opened slightly but no words would form. He knew she also faced hardship. He knew she lost her family in the war. And though her family was gone, this girl, this woman remained to become the vibrant flame he so wanted to kindle. He could never do anything to hurt her. If anything, he would do everything in his power to make sure she still shined like the jewel she was. And he wanted nothing more at that moment but to be here with her for as long as possible.

He breathed in shakily. "Ayame?"

She stroked his face tenderly and smiled so tranquilly at him. "You are a good man, Kouga, and you deserve everything a good man could want."

He searched her eyes and tentatively leaned towards her. She complied, capturing his lips in a bittersweet kiss. And for the first time in his life, he felt safe. He felt Love.

A/N: Whew, long one. Just wanted to say I put up another picture for the fiction. Can be seen here: http/fa. media miner. org/ 72/ 190772. jpg

Thank you to all those who have reviewed. You are my encouragement and inspiration.

Cheers and God Bless. WDW


	11. A Chasm Apart

Kagome panted heavily when the song finished and she smiled exhaustively down at the children still remaining with her. "Time out, Big Sis needs a drink."

She giggled as a few whined in protest but she managed to get out of their hold, pawning a few children on Eri and Ayume who were chatting nearby.

"Thanks, Kagome." Eri wrinkled her nose as several sticky hands led her to the TV to dance.

Kagome just laughed as she stepped quickly from the room. Ayume, Eri and Yuka have been volunteers of the orphanage for a while now, beginning a few years after Kagome arrived. They were her friends in grade school before the tragedy that placed her in the orphanage, and they never once neglected her. At first they came regularly to visit her, but soon enough began to volunteer to help other children in need. They often helped out on weekends, teaching the children dance, song, or just taking them out whenever they needed. They were good friends and good people all around, but were often after Kagome to find a boyfriend. So she didn't feel so bad pushing eager little bodies on them.

Her eyes drifted to the stairwell as she headed toward the kitchen where she saw Ayame and Kouga kissing heatedly. Looking back and forth along the empty hallway, she slowly grinned. Deftly she tip toed to the stairwell and leaned against the banister, watching the two with good humor. Normally she would leave them in private, but considering there were innocent eyes roaming the house, she'd have to intervene, right?

She bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Gee, Ayame, I didn't see him on the menu."

Ayame and Kouga broke apart quickly, Ayame emitting a little squeak in fright.

Green eyes narrowed onto laughing blue. "Kaggy!" She protested.

Kagome looked up at her with a sly grin on her face as she rested her chin on the banister. "I ought to ground you for kissing a boy. Shame on you."

Ayame wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out at her. "Oh grow up, Kags."

Kagome shrugged slightly and examined her nails. "You should be nicer to me, Aya, or I could be forced to tell Kaede on you."

"You wouldn't." Ayame blanched.

Kagome braced herself as if getting ready to run.

"Kagome…." Ayame stood on the stair and looked ready to lunge at her. "Don't you dare."

Kagome gave a quick wink to Kouga and made a mad dash to the kitchen. "Kaede!"

Ayame screamed in agitation and booted it after the dark haired girl, leaving Kouga laughing behind her as he stood up to follow.

He met them in the kitchen, hugging and laughing as they poured some drinks for themselves. Kagome looked up and motioned him over.

"Sorry if it's not as adult as you might be used to." She grinned up at him and handed him a soda.

Kouga accepted the drink with a small smile. "No, it's great," he looked quickly around at all the laughing people, "really great."

Kagome smiled widely as she looked around. "I can't believe everyone made it."

"Well, it's not everyday you see yourself on TV." Ayame grinned.

Kagome sighed happily. "Even if it wasn't that, I'm just glad all of my family is here." She looked up at Kouga. "Well, most of them. I wish the rest of the band could have made it."

"Don't worry, after tonight I'll make sure they make it to the next one." Kouga grinned and sipped some of his soda. His eyes flicked over at Ayame who was watching him intently with shining eyes.

Kagome caught the exchange. "Yeah, well, I'm going to head outside for a breather." She quickly left the two lovers alone, though they barely noticed as they began talking again.

She giggled quietly as she moved through the house and finally made it on the deck leading to the back yard. She sighed in relief as the cool air buffeted through her hair and the smells of a stuffy house evaporated on the breeze. She shut her eyes as she let the night surround her in its endless solace but she wasn't completely content. Her heart painlessly thumped for another to share it with her. Even now, in her moment of peace, her mind would not let go of golden eyes, silver hair and violet words. Violet, what an interesting choice of color for his voice: cold and deep, sweet and soft, yet always enveloping. Yes, violet was his voice, very much like red was his soul. She could always feel the burn and blood that flowed through him, like fire. Oh how she wished she could walk over those flames without being burned. Yet how could she resist his heat? It was enough to ignite her own soul if she wasn't careful.

She let out a soft breath and opened her eyes to gaze up at the black sky. It amazed her to no end how quickly she allowed herself to be drawn to this man. His words and actions never spoke to her as he intended, yet she knew what he was really saying. Her soul could hear him in a whisper… yet he could not hear hers screaming. Could he ever possibly know how much he meant to her? Would he ever know just what it was she wanted from him, what she wished he would someday say?

"You were wonderful tonight, Kagome."

"Thank you." She turned slowly and smiled at Hojo. "I'm really thankful you were able to bring some of them to the show."

The lean man blushed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "It was my pleasure, Kagome. So, what are your plans now? You busy this week?"

Kagome nodded tiredly and yawned. "Yeah, we leave for Tokyo on Wednesday so we can rehearse on set on Thursday and have the concert on Friday. Which means InuYasha will be working us hard all this week on the songs he chose. Not to mention the radio promos we have to do throughout the week, so he'll be working us overtime." She grinned. "But I'll be home on Saturday."

Hojo frowned slightly. "InuYasha certainly spends a lot of time with you. I mean the band. I mean, he works you all very hard."

"Yeah." Kagome smiled softly. "He knows there's a lot at stake. We all do. So we don't mind working so hard. Besides, it's worth it at the end."

"I don't know. Sounds like he puts a lot of pressure on you." Hojo rested his arms on the deck rail beside her.

"No, not really. If anything he puts the pressure on himself, whether or not he knows it. We just want to make him happy." Kagome joined him next to the rail and looked up at the night sky.

"We?"

"Sango, Miroku, Kouga…."

"And you?" Hojo asked quietly.

Kagome cast her eyes over at him. "Yes."

He sighed.

"Hojo?" She leaned her body over the railing so she could see his face more. "What're you trying to say?"

The brown haired man shook his head slightly. "Just that, for the last four weeks all you've been doing is Perdition stuff. They got you up at all hours playing music I never thought you'd play, wearing clothes I never thought existed, and…."

Kagome lowered her eyes. "And?"

Hojo let out an exasperated breath. "And every time we ask you about it, your answer always begins with 'Because InuYasha wants.' And I'm just worried."

Kagome looked up at him. "Worried about what?"

Hojo captured her eyes with his. "Worried about what else he may want."

Kagome watched him with uncertainty then blushed brightly as she looked down at the darkened grass below. "Oh, Hojo. You shouldn't have to worry about that."

Hojo blushed slightly. "Well, I … um…." He rubbed the back of his head. "I trust you, Kagome. I know you always do the honorable thing. But the people you're with, they… well… they have a different set of standards, you know?"

Kagome gazed at him from the corner of her eye before looking back down to the lawn. She leaned her body heavily over the deck railing as she contemplated his words. She eventually shook her head softly and she looked back up at him.

"I trust them, Hojo. I trust all of them. So please don't worry about me." She reached over and tugged on his ear, something she knew he hated though she always did it to tease him. "Worrying will only cause gray hair."

He grinned in spite of himself and rubbed his ear distractedly. "You're one of my best friends, Kag. I just want you to be happy."

She smiled. "I am happy. Are you happy, Hojo?"

He cast his brown orbs to look deeply into hers and smiled softly. "Yeah, Kagome. I'm very happy."

She laughed lightly and looked up at the sky once more. "I miss the stars, don't you? There's too much light pollution."

"Kagome?"

She looked over at Hojo just as he moved his face closer to hers.

"Kagome! You're on the TV!" Ayame shouted from the doorway causing both to jump and face the girl.

Kagome smiled broadly and grabbed Hojo by the arm. "Come on!"

She ran into the house and Hojo followed slowly behind. He looked sadly at the back of the girl that he has loved for so long. This was her moment, and he wanted to be happy for her, but staring at the small television screen it was hard to be content. The last thing he wanted was to resent the fact Kagome was in the band. It was bad enough he harbored a deep dislike for the lead singer since the night at the club. He had hoped whatever the singer may have felt for Kagome was just a passing attraction, but tonight proved it was not.

He had seen it while at the concert, though he had hoped he was wrong. But looking at the broadcast, it was simple enough to say all his suspicions were right. As Hojo stared at the television screen in front of him, he took special notice of InuYasha. Just at the break of the song, InuYasha had turned to look at Kagome. It was only for a few seconds, but Hojo knew that look quite well. It was want.

His brown eyes flicked to the girl in question, but Kagome was sitting on the floor chatting happily to Yuka, not even watching the screen. No one else seemed to take notice either. He frowned slightly before his eyes met Kouga's. The guitarist had a hint of a grin on his face as he flashed his eyes at the TV and then back to Hojo. A knowing smirk filtered across his face before he turned back to Ayame, acting completely indifferent to the display.

Hojo's eyes narrowed. He knew something was going on, more than what Kagome realized. She made it a point to only see the good in people. It was one of the traits he loved so much about her. But she was too soft hearted to see the way things really were.

He looked back at the TV and his insides seethed at the profile of InuYasha. The singer wanted Kagome, he was sure of that, but it would be the last thing he'd ever get. Girls like Kagome don't touch trash like InuYasha. He was tainted, undisciplined and uneducated. The man didn't have a hope or a prayer for getting Kagome. She would never reduce herself to that waste of life.

No, Kagome needed someone to protect her from men like that, and to be able to give her everything she could possibly want. Hojo knew that he was just the man to give it to her, if he ever had the damn time to be alone with her to prove it.

She was going to be spending all week preparing for the next competition, but was going to be home next Saturday. He would make his move then, he just hoped this InuYasha didn't dare touch what was his in the meantime.

"Kagome!"

Hojo looked over to see a little girl by the name of Shiori launch herself onto Kagome's folded lap.

Kagome laughed and hugged the girl. "What do you think, Shio? Did we sound good tonight?"

The platinum haired girl nodded and her violet eyes looked happily at the screen. "Hey, there's Kouga!" She turned and beamed up at the guitarist behind them.

Kouga just grinned down at her haughtily, though a slight blush tinted his cheeks.

"Who's that?" Shiori pointed to the screen as she nestled back down into Kagome's lap.

Kagome smiled softly. "That's InuYasha."

"He's so handsome." Shiori giggled.

Kagome looked at the screen. Her eyes were warm and bright. "Yes, he is."

Hojo felt his stomach lurch at the expression on her face. Could it be that she actually did have feelings for the singer?

His eyes roamed towards the TV then back at Kagome once more, only to meet her soft blue eyes. She smiled tenderly up at him as she ran her fingers gently through Shiori's hair. He relaxed slightly. No, now he was just imagining things. Kagome was above and beyond that man, and she would never let herself fall to InuYasha's level. Hojo smiled back at her. No, she would remain on that pedestal, because he would be the one to keep her there, InuYasha be damned.

-+-

InuYasha rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to fight off the growing headache he had since he left the Stadium. What the hell was he going to do now? His night was pretty much shot. He grumbled angrily as his mind buzzed with the night's events.

Flashback

InuYasha walked slowly back into the dressing room after Kagome left, glancing up only to see Kikyo straddling a chair.

"Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?" She darted her red tongue across her upper lip.

InuYasha had to keep from grimacing in disgust. Normally seeing Kikyo naked and eager had him hard in an instant. Of course, he was usually charging on his high by then. But somehow, nothing was like how it was before. Nothing was settling him like it used to.

He noticed it more so tonight. Seeing Kikyo in the audience when he was on the stage receiving their congratulations made a heavy weight settle on his gut. He didn't want her, he just wanted….

What the hell did he want?

He needed a hit, hell anything to get rid of these feelings he felt since the concert. And the only way he'd get that was if he went to her, and he did the minute he was able to.

Fuck, when did he get so damned dependent?

He turned to the mirror and picked up his pack of smokes from the counter beneath it. He scowled at it as if it had caused all his misery tonight and reluctantly pulled a cigarette out to stick in his mouth.

His eyes drifted over to the spent joints in the ashtray beside him. Funny, even that wasn't as strong as it used to be. Normally he'd be pretty indifferent towards everything right now, but he still felt agitated and anxious and he didn't know why. He stretched his shoulders trying to release the tension in his chest but it only made the feeling worse.

He frowned. Fuck, the weed didn't do much for him at all. What kind of shit was she selling him?

He looked at the pale woman's reflection in the yellowed mirror and internally shuddered. He hated the fact he needed her. He knew she wasn't worth a damn except for getting him off like he needed, whether it was drugs or whatever. Hell, he needed her like he needed a shot to the head, and he needed her as much as he needed air to breathe. How he hated her. How he hated himself for being so weak to crave what she gave him: deep emotionless emptiness to toss all his cares inside. That's why she was there now. He had thought a quick release from her would fight off the edge he was feeling. He'd gotten as far as a bad toke and a passable blowjob before 'she' came.

InuYasha cringed slightly at the thought of Kagome and the anxiety in his chest quaked harder. Why the hell did she come down here anyways?

'You were amazing. I never felt more alive than I was with you tonight. And I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you. We made it because of you.'

He inhaled the toxic smoke of his cigarette heavily and let it out in a slow rush. Keh, foolish girl. She was always so fucking happy that it was annoying. Yet his lips curled in a slight grin at her praise before his eyes drifted up to look upon his own reflection.

He was hot after the show and pulled his hair up into a ponytail. Even that gesture reminded him of Kagome. She once said she liked Kouga's hair up like this and he had wondered what she would think of his hair up. Keh. What a stupid thought.

He flicked his head to be rid of the memory and the rough edges of his long bangs fell and framed his eyes. Fuck, he looked tired. When was the last time he had a decent night's sleep? He leaned in to examine his face. His eyes were red from the joint and looked gaunt. He hoped it faded before he left. God, he looked like shit.

'I can see how handsome you are.' Kagome's shy voice whispered to him.

InuYasha blinked. "What?"

"I said what the fuck is wrong with you?" Kikyo's angry voice filtered through his haze.

He started and looked over his shoulder to see Kikyo standing behind him topless, her hands fisted angrily on her hips. He had forgotten she was there. His eyes inadvertently drifted over to the door as if wishing he could see someone else standing on the other side before he sighed begrudgingly. Shaking his head, he finally turned around to regard her. "Nothing."

"Then why didn't you answer me?"

He shrugged and leaned back on the counter, inhaling another drag of his smoke. "You asked me something?"

Her face turned into livid rage. "Were you being an asshole and not listening or are you that fucked out of your head you didn't hear me?"

InuYasha frowned. Man, was she always a hardcore bitch? He thought about it. Yeah, but for some reason he always ignored it. Why was it bothering him now?

"Well?"

He rolled his eyes. "Fuck, Kik, that shit you brought couldn't even give me a good buzz, let alone fuck me over."

Her cold eyes narrowed. "You get what you pay for, you cheap bastard."

InuYasha raised an eyebrow as he looked her over. Cheap wasn't the word he had in mind, but it would do.

She crossed her arms. "So where did your mind go? Wait, let me guess. To some wide eyed virgin with a cross up her ass."

His cold eyes matched hers. "What the fuck are you getting on with?"

Her lips curled in a malicious sneer. "I saw how you looked at her out there. So puppy eyed and simpering, trying to act all indifferent. Yeah right." She snorted. "You were practically begging for her to want your sorry ass."

His irises narrowed to pin pricks, making the gold in his eyes flash dangerously. "Shut the fuck up, you stupid slut, you know shit about me!"

"Oh, please. As soon as you closed that door, hell, ever since she's been around, you haven't been yourself." Kikyo laughed coldly. "You like her."

"I said shut up!" InuYasha grabbed her skirt from the floor and threw it at her. "Get the fuck out!"

Kikyo smirked angrily as she rushed to get dressed. "Don't matter to me, Yash, she'd never fuck you the way you like. You love to dominate and once you have you grow bored. Once you're done with her, you'd be back to me for more. You always are."

"Keh, whatever, just get the fuck out." He pulled his shirt over his head.

Kikyo scowled. "You owe me for that shit I got you."

InuYasha pulled his wallet from his back pocket and flipped it open. He took out a few bills without counting it and tossed it on a chair.

"This shit better do more for me than that lousy blow." He muttered through his cigarette.

Her eyes narrowed into slits as she grabbed the money. "You're pathetic, InuYasha. You think the Christian cunt will even want you to touch her? You're so in the dirt you couldn't even lick her shoes when she walks all over you."

InuYasha just looked at her indifferently and flicked his head. "Door's there."

She pursed her lips and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

InuYasha quickly pulled the cigarette from his mouth and hurled it hard at the door as he let his fury out. Fucking slut!

He raked his fingers through his hair and sat heavily on the chair behind him. 'God damn Kikyo and damn everything she said.' He let his hands fall to his face as he tried to rub the hard itches from his eyes with his palms. 'Think she'd ever let me touch her? Why the fuck should I care?'

He leaned back on the chair and sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides. There wasn't any point to try anymore. He just wanted to get rid of her, that's all. But she did all right to get them through the competition, so there was no point to get another drummer. That was the only reason he tolerated her.

But he knew that was a shit excuse. Whether he liked it or not, she got to him. Damn eyes, damn smile, damn laugh, damn body…. His mouth curved into a relaxed smirk. Yeah, she was all right, for a church mouse. Didn't mean he loved her or anything. She was still a believer; nothing would make him get over that.

He grinned and stretched his body out on the chair. Fuck if she didn't look good tonight though. And when she looked at him after their number…. His eyes drifted shut at the memory. Heavenly eyes worshipped him, even if it was so briefly. A guy could get used to that. If only he could make her look at him like that more often.

A hard pounding on the door startled him from his trance. Before he had a chance to get out of his chair, Sesshomaru stepped in, bringing in fresh air from the hallway.

His brother cringed at the smell of the dressing room. "Jesus, InuYasha, couldn't you and your whore waited until you got home?"

InuYasha grumbled and crossed his arms. "Fuck, Sho, what's your problem?"

"My problem is that I hate to imagine Perdition's hard earned gain being inhaled through your fucking nose." Sesshomaru looked down and doused the smoldering cigarette that was on the floor before shutting the door angrily.

InuYasha growled. "I have every right to my share of the winnings."

"Yeah, and how much of it did you blow on crack and cunt?" His brother's amber eyes flashed fire.

"Shut the fuck up. I don't need to tell you what I did with my money. Besides, a record label in Kyoto will be recording us, and we'll be raking in from that pot too…."

"Damn it, InuYasha, this isn't about fucking money!" Sesshomaru snarled.

InuYasha frowned in confusion. "Then what the hell is up your ass?"

His brother sighed and shook his head. "Do you have to make everything you do a waste?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" InuYasha stood up furiously.

Gold met gold in a fierce stare down.

"It means, why do you work so hard for a goal that will only destroy what you have worked so hard for?"

InuYasha blinked with uncertainty. "I'm not…."

"InuYasha, Perdition made it out of a hundred bands that would have loved to have even made it to the first competition. And seventeen other bands would gladly take your place to make it to the second. And here you are reaping the rewards and handing it over to every vice you can find." Sesshomaru sighed angrily. "When are you going to get it through your thick head that you have the opportunity to do something worthwhile."

InuYasha cast his eyes to the far wall and shook his head. "I'm not like you, so lay off."

"I'm not asking you to be. Damn it, InuYasha, why must you think everything I say is an attack against you?"

"Because all you do is get pissed at me whenever I do something you don't approve of. Fucking hell, Sho, this is my life. I'm going to live it the hell I want."

Sesshomaru glared at him fiercely. "Fine, but remember this, little brother. Living how ever the hell you want doesn't mean you're living it alone. You're on the backs of others, and there will be a time when one by one, they will let you fall, until you are so far down that chasm no one could reach you." With that, Sesshomaru turned and stormed out of the room, leaving InuYasha to glare hatefully at his back.

End

InuYasha let his hand drop from his face and leaned back on his sofa. Fucking Sesshomaru and Kikyo. Both of them ruined his night. He gazed around his apartment in boredom before his eyes landed on the remote on the armrest. He leaned over to grab hold of it, landing on his side to lie comfortably on the couch in the process. He flicked the TV on and let his mind go numb as he channel surfed.

His eyebrow hitched when he saw Perdition on the screen. 'Will you look at that… we sound pretty fucking good.'

The camera panned to Sango, Kouga, himself and Miroku. They looked… hell, they looked amazing. But something was missing. As the camera panned out, he could just see Kagome on the drums in the background. His eyes clinched as he tried to make her out. He never realized that. Most groups focused on the singer and the standing band, but rarely was the drummer given credit.

He scowled. Fuckers, he couldn't see how she looked. Not that he cared, since all that mattered was how she sounded. He just liked to see people's technique, he told himself.

Immediately the camera rounded the stage and came up close to them. He could see each of them clearly before the camera moved to loop around the platform, finally catching Kagome in its circuit.

Her body thrummed in time to her beats. He could see her thrust her hips as she pounded hard on the drums. Most of her hair was wrapped up in a ponytail, but two deliciously soft strands waved around her shoulders. Her mouth was open slightly, and she bit her lower lip that he knew she tended to do when she was about ready to change rhythms. InuYasha stifled a groan at the sight of her.

The camera swung around her to complete the circuit of the stage. And that's when he saw her eyes. Blue grains of the skies sparkled and danced in the light, rarely wavering from her chosen pinpoint. The way the camera moved, it was hard to tell where her focus was but it held passionate intensity. He wondered what it was she was looking at.

He blinked in surprise when the camera finally scanned out. No fucking way. Was she watching him?

He sat up slowly and leaned closer to the TV, but there was no point. The camera once again panned out to show all of them once more, leaving Kagome in the back and impossible to see. He frowned as he tried to position his head over the crowd and the band on the television as if it would help him to see her better. He grumbled low in annoyance. Why couldn't the damn camera stay still?

He didn't realize he was kneeling in front of the screen as he watched her intently. From what he could tell, she never once looked at any of the others, just him. He gave a half laugh. Did he work her that hard? He recalled telling her that she could only watch him as she played, did she honestly take that to heart?

Or was there more to it than that?

The music shifted in tempo and he saw himself look back at her for a moment, but his focus wasn't on himself, it was on her. Her eyes were now looking down at the drums as she rounded the next movement, or so it seemed. Thinking back on it, where was she looking when he had looked back at her?

He frowned. Was he wrong? Maybe she wasn't watching him after all.

His alter-self had turned back to the crowd, but the television screen flicked to show only him on the stage as he sang the end of the song, obscuring what he was searching for. Did she look back at him after? Was it he she was looking at? Now he'd never know.

'Damn it.' He growled in frustration. He tossed the remote to the floor and hefted his body back to land once more on the couch. He crossed his arms in irritation as he stared down the TV as if blaming it for not showing him what he wanted to see.

Was she looking at him the whole time? Or was he only thinking she had? He snorted irritably through his nose. Why did he give a shit anyways? It wasn't like anything could come of it. Not that he wanted anything to come of it. Besides, after what she saw tonight, he'd be surprised if she even looked at him again, let alone talked to him.

He cast his eyes to the floor. But she would never do that, would she? Even after seeing him with Kikyo, she still smiled. She still looked at him without any blame or anger. It was eerie what those eyes could do.

He lay back down on the couch and his eyes continued to stare distractedly at the floor. No, Kagome would never change. She would continue being herself, Kagome being Kagome, happy smile, happy eyes and happy laugh.

He sighed tiredly. Ever since he met her all he wanted was to wipe everything pure from her. But that wasn't good enough for him anymore. Now, he wanted something else.

Images of her face after the concert thundered furious assault against his mind and his mouth opened in a subtle groan as he rolled over on his back. He shut his eyes and rubbed the palms of his hands hard against them as he thought about her.

She looked at him as if he bared no weight against the world, almost as if his life was pure and clean. Her eyes seemed to have asked him to give himself over to her, knowing she would worship him forever if he had.

He shivered slightly at the memory. At the time he might have given her anything, if only to see that gaze again. He grinned slightly at the thought. What he would give to look through heaven's eyes once more.

'_You're pathetic, InuYasha. You're so in the dirt you couldn't even lick her shoes when she walks all over you._'

InuYasha's grin died as he slowly opened his dulled eyes. Dreadful realization washed over him where fancy hope once lay. What he wanted he would never be able to have. His life was anything but good, anything but clean. And in turn he would never be able to give her what she wanted.

His eyes slowly drifted up to the screen to see Perdition on stage receiving their reward. Beautiful blue eyes smiled back at him and he felt the weight on his chest bear down on him with a force so strong he almost whimpered. He knew that feeling now, the feeling he was fighting all night. It was anguish. Anguish at knowing he needed her desperately, but could never have her. Gazing at her happy face he allowed himself to finally see her as she truly was, and the pain of it all was both excruciating and divine. He'd never deserve heaven, but he'd be content to gaze at it from hell.


	12. Leaving Trails

Kagome stifled a yawn as she waved to the remaining guests as they left. She leaned exhaustively on the doorframe and breathed in the cool night air hoping it would revive a few of her tired senses. The party ran long past midnight and she was about ready to drop.

Eri walked past her on the way out and gave her a soft nudge, waking her slightly from her dazed state. "So, Tokyo huh?"

Kagome nodded tiredly. "Yeah."

The dark eyed girl grinned mischievously as Yuka and Ayume gathered beside her. "So are you going to tell us about him?"

"About who?" Kagome finally let out a yawn.

Eri chuckled. "About the fair haired hunk you got for a lead singer. Come on, Kagome, you can't keep it a secret for long."

"Secret?" The blue-eyed woman looked at the three women in front of her in turn. "I have a secret about InuYasha?"

"Kagome, no one looks at you like that without feeling something for you." Ayume smiled knowingly.

Kagome flicked her head back in confusion. "Who looks at me like what? And feels what for me?"

Yuka was about to respond before she was cut off.

"Ladies."

All four turned to see Hojo walking towards them from the doorway of the house.

"Hi, Hojo." Yuka blushed slightly. The other two girls smiled brightly at him. Kagome just grinned at him tiredly.

"Can I offer any of you girls a lift?" His eyes danced to each girl in turn before falling softly on Kagome. He smiled shyly. "I couldn't go without wishing you goodbye and good luck. I may not see you until Saturday."

Kagome smiled back. "It's not as long as it seems. I'll be home before you know it."

"Yeah," Eri giggled, "time flies when you have fun, and I'm sure InuYasha will give you the time of your life."

Kagome blushed faintly and rolled her eyes. "He's just a friend, Eri."

"A friend that I am sure would be willing to give a few benefits." Yuka winked.

All three laughed as Kagome groaned and wiped her face in embarrassment.

"Honestly, you girls have no scruples." Hojo shook his head and forced a grin to his face.

"Aw 'Jo, we're just making fun of Kags. Besides, it's about time she had some fun, not to mention a boyfriend." Eri crossed her arms.

"Yeah, Kagome. Why not consider it at least?" Ayume cajoled.

Hojo forced a laugh. "Kagome doesn't need a boyfriend. She's got me."

Kagome looked at him and grinned. "That's right. I have my friends." She looked down and shrugged. "Besides, InuYasha already has someone."

All four stared at her.

"Aw, dang." Eri shook her head.

"Tough luck, I guess." Ayume sighed.

"Well, at least he's still good to look at." Yuka hummed.

Hojo didn't say anything. He found it hard to keep his anxiety in check as he studied Kagome's distant expression, but just as quickly her face turned bright as she looked over at them.

"So are you guys coming over next week?"

The girls nodded.

"For sure." Yuka smiled.

"Yeah, next Saturday is the charity concert, remember?" Ayume grinned.

Kagome blinked in confusion before her eyes widened. "Oh no! I completely forgot it was this Saturday!"

"No sweat, Kags." Ayame smiled as she walked outside with Kouga to join them. "Hojo and I already have the arrangements done and the paperwork signed. All you need to do is show up and cheer them on."

Kagome looked from Ayame to Hojo and back. She shook her head sadly. "I can't believe I forgot all about it though."

"Kagome." Ayame chastised. "No one can blame you for it. You've been super busy, but as of this morning you're on vacation. There is nothing you need to worry about except winning those competitions. Besides, you're home on Saturday so you won't miss them perform."

The raven-haired woman vehemently shook her head. "No way would I miss this."

"Miss what?" Kouga raised a brow in question.

Ayame looked up at him with pride glowing on her face. "The first concert of the Shikon House orphanage band. They're playing down by the waterfront."

"I hope they'll come up with a better name than that." Eri smirked.

Ayame sighed exasperatedly, recalling the many fights the boys had over the name. "It's still in the works."

"So the kids are going downtown on the streets to perform?" Kouga smirked. "They've got guts."

Ayame nudged him and gave him a playful grimace. "They've got God. Besides, it's more of a benefit to raise money for the Shikon House. If you haven't noticed already it really needs it."

Kouga glanced back at the house, his eyes raking in the chipped paint, rotting floorboards and leaking windows. Until then he hadn't really noticed since everyone around him treated this place like a lived in home not a decrepit refuge. But yeah, looking at it now it really needed work.

"Not to mention funding to keep the contract going." Kagome shrugged. "That's if Perdition doesn't win next week's competition, but I doubt that will happen." She winked at Kouga.

Kouga looked down at her stunned. "You mean you're giving your earnings to the orphanage?"

Kagome nodded and smiled softly, looking at the worn down house. "That's the reason why I joined Perdition. To save the orphanage."

Kouga frowned and looked away. More and more this girl surprised him. She had no selfish bone in her body. He never thought to question why she joined the band or what her plans were. He figured it was the same as the rest of them: get rich and get out. It panged him to think what would happen once the competition was over. Would she leave? Go back as director of Shikon House? Or would she stay to keep the band going? He looked at her from the corner of his eye.

Kagome smiled and laughed with her friends, so at ease without a care in the world, though now he knew differently. She had every care in the world. She was an angel with a heart of fire, raging and unquenchable. He knew he wasn't the only one who saw it. Hell, anyone with a soul could see it when she drummed. The girl lived to play music. And she lived to save others. Somehow he knew that no matter what happened, she wouldn't abandon her responsibilities, neither to the orphanage nor to Perdition.

"Mind if I take your car, Kagome? I'm going to take Kouga home." Ayame yawned, breaking Kouga from his musings.

Kagome nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Drive safe." She looked over at Kouga and smiled. She softly wrapped her arms around him and gave him a warm hug. "Thank you for coming, Ko."

The guitarist faltered, unsure what to do at first, but contentedly enveloped her in a hug. She felt so small in his arms and so frail, almost as if he could break her in half if he held her too hard. Rubbing his hands up and down her back he could, for the first time, faintly feel the scars her body suffered when she was a child. He suddenly felt overprotective of her, like he would a younger sister. She was too good for this world, but damn if she wasn't needed. And he'd make sure she was kept safe from anything and anyone. "Anytime."

She pulled back and smiled up at him. "Now what's that look for?"

Kouga looked away sheepishly. He hadn't realized he looked so intense. "Nothing."

"It better be nothing." Ayame joked and grabbed his arm.

Kouga looked down at her and smiled slyly. "Do I hear a threat in that angelic voice?"

Ayame slid an evil grin on her face. "This angel's got horns. Watch it, mister."

"She does have a mean streak." Kagome laughed. "I'd watch out."

"Oh?" Kouga wrapped his arms around Ayame and looked down at her hungrily. "Duly noted."

"Ick." Kagome stuck her tongue out at them in mock revulsion.

"Well, Kags, we need to take off, too." Eri laughed and gave Kagome a quick hug. "Good luck next week."

Yuka and Ayume hugged her as well, wishing her all the best.

"Thanks, guys. I'll see you next Saturday." Kagome grinned.

They nodded and headed down the walk, but Yuka stayed and sidled up to Hojo. "About that ride home?"

Hojo blushed lightly at her and looked over at Kagome. "Um…. Good luck, Kagome. I'll be thinking about you."

Kouga glanced over at the brown haired man and frowned. He knew the little keener had a crush on Kagome, but did he really expect that schoolboy charm would work on the girl? His eyes narrowed as Hojo gave Kagome a tight hug and discretely inhaled the scent of her hair. Was this kid for fucking real? He watched as Kagome pulled from Hojo's grasp and nudged him away from her, wishing him and Yuka a goodnight. Kouga was proud of her for that. He knew Kagome had no interest in the boy, and proper thing. The guy was dull and listless, not to mention a total momma's boy. Kagome needed someone to keep her fire roaring… and he knew just the person to do it.

"If you keep looking at her like that I may get jealous." Ayame broke his thoughts.

Kouga looked down at her and grinned. "Believe me, you have nothing to be jealous of." He led her to the driveway where Kagome's car was parked and waited by the passenger side door.

Ayame waved briefly to Kagome before looking back at him. "Then what was going through your mind just then?"

Kouga smirked and looked over at Kagome as she entered the house and closed the door behind her. "I was thinking that I just might be able to repay my debt after all."

"Debt? To whom?"

Kouga grinned. "InuYasha."

-+-

Kagome stretched out and yawned, her bleary eyes finally focusing on the soft contours of the room she shared with Ayame. A bright light glowed on the walls, reflecting a sunlit day from the window. She laid there contently, listening to the movement of people around the house. Subtle sounds of the children downstairs told her it was definitely Saturday morning.

She inhaled deeply as a soft shiver of delight flittered through her body. Today she was officially on 'vacation leave' now that Perdition was going to the second competition in Tokyo. Kaede had graciously given her time off since she would not have time for her duties at the orphanage. She smiled lightly at the thought of a week off. She may even get another few weeks off if they make it to the Battle of the Orient.

She grinned happily. She was tempted to roll over and fall back asleep, letting the day go to waste, but her superego won over her id and she pulled back the covers to get up. She may not be working, but she still had duties. And her first duty was to answer the call of nature.

Twenty minutes later Kagome walked down the stairs, showered, dressed and ready to start the day. She hummed contentedly under her breath as she ate a quick breakfast then went to see what everyone was up to.

Several youngsters were sitting open mouthed in front of the T.V. in the living room. It was just their luck that an anime marathon was on. Kagome suppressed a laugh as she watched the kids, wondering when one of them would eventually blink. Apparently it wasn't any time soon.

Shaking her head she meandered around the house and backyard, chatting and watching everyone go about their usual activities. It felt good to not have to be involved, but she quickly grew bored.

Sighing resolutely, she headed towards the basement to get in a few practice rounds on the drums. Opening the door to the basement she could make out the sounds of the orphanage band practicing downstairs. Smiling, she quietly stepped down the stairs, sitting on a middle step in the shadows to watch.

"Shippou, try that last beat again, I think that was the one we needed." Kohaku stated as he strummed a few chords on the electric guitar that's seen better days.

Shippou nodded and tapped the cymbals a few times before rounding the drums to set the tempo. "Like that?"

Kohaku nodded. "Great. Shall we try it from the top?"

Jim nodded distractedly. The fifteen-year-old strummed a few chords on his electric as he tried to tune his beat up guitar. Kagome smiled at the look of concentration on his face. Jim has been at the Shikon House the longest, arriving here when he was a toddler. He was often the first to help the new comers adjust to the orphanage.

He flicked his long black hair from his gray eyes and grunted. "Souten, toss me one of your hair bands, will ya?"

Souten, a dark haired girl around the age of thirteen, adjusted the strap of the bass she was playing over her shoulder. She deftly took off one of many bands she had around her wrist and tossed it to the boy.

Souten was new compared to the other older children. She lost her parents when she was young and was raised by her two older brothers. Unfortunately, both brothers were in a heavy gang and were wanted for drug trafficking. Souten was considered to be in the way of such dealings and she was quickly discarded by her brothers and left on the street. Eventually, social services brought her here. It took awhile, but she was beginning to warm up to them, especially with the help of Shippou, whom Kagome suspected she had a crush on.

Souten nodded briskly to Kohaku. "I think we're good to go, as soon as Kanna gets her bubblegum out of her tambourine."

A fourteen-year-old girl stood in the corner of the room distractedly rolling pink wads of gum from the instrument. Kanna was born an albino and was left abandoned on the streets as a child. She was quickly accepted into the Shikon House when she was six, but the trauma she endured before she came was too much on the girl. She was very soft spoken, and often portrayed her emotions materially, such as today. Her hair was dyed pink and was up in two pigtails. Her clothing was mostly Goth, and she wore a bright t-shirt saying God Has No Religion in bold black letters. She may not speak much, but everything about her was loud.

The girl in question glowered over at her band mates. "Not my fault. You dared me in a bubble contest."

Souten laughed. "And you won."

All four children laughed as Kanna tugged the remaining sticky mess from her tambourine.

"Are we ready now?" Kohaku grinned.

Everyone nodded.

"Okay, from the top." Kohaku strummed lazily on the strings of his guitar, immersing himself in the song.

Kagome watched the teenager in awe. Well, not so much a teenager now since he would soon turn eighteen, or so they assumed. She bit her lip as she saw him fold himself into the music.

Time has had its way with me.  
My broken tired hands can't build a thing.  
The wires that have held me still

Embedded now in flesh to find my will.  
The idle of my days has won,

The empty I have fed has made me numb,  
Despite what you'll find in me;  
The failures of my past just swirl beneath.

Kagome blinked in sad realization. He was singing about himself. She never knew he would have the courage to put his pain to music, but she was proud he had. She hung her head as the music flooded around her, listening to him as he told his story.

I need a heart that carries on through the pain  
When the walls start collapsing again.  
Give me a soul that never ceases to follow,  
Despite the infection within.

Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.  
Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.

Kohaku came to Shikon House when he was fourteen. No one knew the extent he witnessed, for the boy had gone into shock and suffered complete amnesia of his past, only remembering his name. He was always aggravated with himself, forcing himself to remember what happened, often working himself sick trying to recover parts of his past. Yet little was he able to recognize or identify. He was a boy with a past hidden in the darkest corner of his mind, and he felt useless against it. He once said he felt like a puppet on strings, acting without will. Kagome could understand where he was coming from. Without a past, it's hard to know where it is you should go. At times it just feels like you are going through the motions, trying to make sense of all around you, wondering it anything near you has any significance at all to you.

Kohaku was a special case when it came to faith. He knew he must have suffered something terrible if his mind was protecting him from it. He often felt disjointed, experiencing fear and anxiety at the most odd moments without cause or reason to it. He sometimes would have panic attacks and need to be left alone to sit in a dark corner to let the feeling pass. No one could reach him. Only he could bring himself out. That's why his faith was so unique. He needed to associate himself into two people. The Kohaku he was in person, and the boy that was lost in him. And he needed one heart strong enough to endure both in order to survive: a heart to carry the joys and triumphs he gained, and a heart to carry the pain of a shadowed past. He needed a heart that would carry on into life even when the darkness ate at him.

This is where I find my fall

The cares that held me alive don't work at all.  
And every step away from here

Is closer to the plague I hold so dear._  
_

I need a heart that carries on through the pain,  
When the walls start collapsing again.  
Give me a soul that never ceases to follow

Despite the infection within

Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.  
Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.

Kagome shuddered at how cold and distant his voice seemed. His song bled deep into her soul and she wished she had the power to find out what happened to him, to release him from the prison he carried. On the outside he seemed like a normal kid. He laughed, he joked, and he played sports. But he had no identity. To those who knew him, he was just Kohaku, and everyone understood what that meant. But for those who didn't know him, Kohaku was an enigma. Almost like a man with no face. He was just there, like a glimmer of light between the clouds, without form or substance. No wonder he fights himself so hard. It must be brutal to have fourteen years of your life hidden from you by your own self. And for a child it's even worse. Does he have family out there? Are they looking for him? Do they love him? How strange it must feel to walk down the road with hopes someone you don't know knows you, the you inside your mind.

Awaiting my end breathing in the day that finds me new.  
Redemption begins bleeding out the flaws in place of you.  
Awaiting my end breathing in the day that finds me new.  
Redemption begins Redemption begins.

He drew a picture once. It was a portrait of a teenage girl with long hair and kind laughing eyes. He said he knew her and that she was very special to him, though he never gave the girl in the picture a name or identity. Kagome knew he kept the picture next to his bed. He told her she protected him. She often saw him holding the picture when he was suffering his anxiety attacks. He would stare at it for hours until he finally relaxed and came back out of his shell. Kagome often wondered who the girl was. Was she his sister? A friend? Was she even real? But since it was a picture drawn from a fragmented mind, she would never be able to associate it to any given person. And even if she did, it was a big world to find one person. If only she could. Yet he knew that face as clear as day, and she knew he looked for her in the crowd. She prayed one day he would find her.

Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.  
Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.

Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.  
Our careless feet leaving trails  
Never minding the fragile dirt we all end in.

"Kagome!"

The woman cast her eyes over in surprise as Shippou gazed up at her from the drum set.

"Did you hear us?" The boy beamed.

Kagome smiled and stood, walking the rest of the way down the stairs. "Yeah, Ship, it was incredible. I have never heard this band sound so good."

All the children smiled at her, even Kanna allowed a soft grin.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around to help you guys out. But I really don't think you need it. You sound perfect." Kagome smiled widely.

"Yeah." Kohaku blushed slightly and nervously tweaked his guitar. "A few more rounds and we should be okay."

"Are you coming to the concert, Kagome?" Souten asked.

The woman nodded. "Yeah. I'll be in Saturday morning and the concert starts at one, so I'll definitely be there."

"I just hope we're good enough." Kanna whispered.

Kagome grinned down at the girl. "Kanna, the way you guys play together, the faith you have in each other, I'm sure nothing can stand in your way."

The girl just nodded numbly.

"So, Kags, are you nervous? You have the second competition coming up." Jim smirked.

"A little. I think I'm more nervous about the promos we have to do during the week. It's one thing to be on stage and be in the back, it's another to be there with a person in front of your face with a microphone. I've never been interviewed before." Kagome grimaced.

Kohaku chuckled. "Better you than me. Don't choke."

Kagome lifted a corner of her lips wryly. "Thanks for the vote of confidence." She ruffled his dark hair.

"Kagome!"

Kagome shut her eyes at the wail of Ayame's voice upstairs. "Yeah?" She shouted back.

"Phone! It's Sango."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Well, so much for a day off. I'll see you guys later."

All five nodded their heads and went back to their practice while Kagome ran up the stairs to grab the phone.

"S'up, Sango?" She panted into the receiver.

"Catch you at a bad time?" Sango joked.

"What?" Kagome panted and held her breath. "Oi!"

Sango laughed. "You're sounding like InuYasha now. Better be careful you don't pick up any other words."

"Keh." Kagome laughed.

Sango chuckled. "Listen, I got off the phone with Mr. Cheerful himself. He wants to get at it this afternoon. He's gone hardcore mental too. He said to tell you that you could wear whatever the hell you want."

Kagome blinked in shock. "Huh?"

"Yeah. That's what I said. Anyways, come by the warehouse at three, okay?"

"'Kay, San, see you then."

"Later."

Kagome hung up the phone and frowned. 'Wear whatever I want?' Was this a trick? She glanced down at her watch. Twelve thirty. Well, whatever it was, it gave her three hours to go shopping.

A/N: Deteriorate is performed by Demon Hunter. It seemed like an appropriate song for Kohaku. I also wrote this chapter as filler to delve deeper into the characters to get a better understanding of each of them… and it's good for the plot. Anyways, please review. As Robert Martin once said "Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise." Hmm… I guess that means I should be happier with how many hits I have then reviews. But praise is good too.

Thanks to all who have reviewed my story so far, you don't know how much strength you given me to carry on with this story.


	13. Planned Attack

Kagome smiled nervously as she entered the warehouse. She spent most of the afternoon shopping, only to find one outfit at the last moment. She felt slightly guilty for buying it at all. She knew she was expecting a cheque from the first competition, but there was no sure way to know if they would make it past the second or third challenge, so any money saved was important. But then again, when would InuYasha ever let her wear what she wanted? Yet wearing the clothing he so often cringed at made her realize she needed something different. So she took the initiative and bought an outfit she was always tempted to wear.

It was a black set of cargo pants that hung low on her hips and a tight red sleeveless body suit that showed her curves, yet hid what needed to remain hidden. She also decided to wear her favourite sneakers for comfort, though the cuffs of her pants mostly hid them. She also forgo the make up and pony tail, namely because she ran out of time while shopping. Instead, she left her hair down to cascade in soft waves around her shoulders and back, and applied her favourite grape flavoured lip-gloss as she drove over to the warehouse. All in all, it made her feel sexy, confident and, oddly enough, fun.

As she entered the warehouse she was anticipating a loud barrage of curses and complaints at her attire, but InuYasha wasn't in sight. Instead, her friends just greeted her cheerily as she entered.

"Hey, Kags." Kouga nodded his head at her as he tuned his amp. "Looking good there, kiddo."

"Afternoon, Kagome." Miroku smiled devilishly and flashed her a hungry look before Sango smacked him casually in the back of his head.

"Wow, girl, I like the outfit. It suits you." The dark haired woman grinned and cast Miroku a coy look as he wrapped an arm lovingly around her waist as an apologetic gesture. She rolled her eyes and shoved him away from her before heading to her keyboard.

"Thanks." Kagome flushed as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder restlessly and quickly looked around once more. "InuYasha's not here yet?"

Sango shook her head as she gulped down some water from her squirt bottle. "Not yet. Leave it to him to be fashionably late."

Kagome smiled softly and moved over to sit behind the drums, dropping her bag casually beside her. She almost sighed in relief over the fact he wasn't there yet. She wasn't sure how he'd take her new style, but felt somewhat relaxed that her band mates didn't seem to mind. In fact she felt elated that they liked it.

"Yo, Kags." Kouga came up behind her and ruffled her hair. "Some party, huh? I'm surprised you were able to roll in today from all those drinks you had last night."

"Ulgh. Don't remind me, Ko." Kagome gave him a wry glance as she tried to fix her hair.

"Oh?" Miroku sidled up beside Kouga and looked mischievously down at Kagome. "Our little girl drank too much?"

Kouga crossed his arms, though his eyes twinkled humorously. "A little is an understatement. She can drink me under the table."

Kagome dropped her mouth in denial. "Kouga, what are you getting on with?"

He shook his head in mock disapproval as he laid his hand on Kagome's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. "Yup, I've never seen a girl take so many Kool-Aid shots in one hour. She was green by the time I left."

Sango walked up to Kagome with a shocked look on her face. "Seriously, Kagome?"

Kagome scowled, though it was hard to hold because she was fighting off a laugh. She crossed her arms in defiance. "Kouga, shut up."

He laughed as he looked at his flabbergasted band mates, deciding to come clean. "The kids dared her to drink some concoction they made up from mixed juices. By the end of the night, Kagome hit a sugar high and her tongue was dyed green." His dark blue eyes darted down to her in jest. "Things got interesting when they took the karaoke machine out. Kagome is a hot little dancer as she is a singer."

Her band mates laughed down at her as Kagome huffed dramatically and stuck her tongue out in disgust. Remnants of green dye still stained it. "Parts of it I still don't remember." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "There is nothing worse than a sugar crash. The headache I had last night just about killed me."

"That's a hard lesson learned, Kags." Miroku chuckled. "Drink in moderation."

Sango giggled. "And never get behind the wheel when you've had too much."

Kagome hid a grin as she looked at her friends from the corner of her eye, falling lastly on Kouga. She gave him a sinister gleam. "How could I go anywhere when Ko and Ayame had my car all night?"

All eyes shot to Kouga whose face turned a shade brighter.

"Oh really, Kouga?" Sango smirked.

"Where'd you go? Lover's Lane?" Miroku made kissy noises.

"Yeah, since apparently the stairway wasn't private enough." Kagome grinned slyly, tweaking an eyebrow suggestively.

Sango and Miroku busted laughing.

"Oh, no way!" Miroku guffawed as he flung an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders.

Sango giggled as she leaned lovingly up him. "I'm so sorry I missed this party."

Kouga cooled down his blush and cast a rueful glance at Kagome. "You are evil."

Kagome burst out laughing and jabbed his stomach with her dainty finger, making him flinch at the ticklish sensation. "Ah! The messer has just become the messee!"

Sango giggled. "Damn, Kouga, how is it possible for you to pick up girls at a children's party?"

Kouga waggled his brows as he unconsciously rubbed at the spot he was poked. "What can I say? It's a gift."

"You are my mentor, man." Miroku bowed lowly to Kouga, flinching when Sango whacked his ass in jest.

"As if you need more help, you hentai." She leered at him playfully.

Miroku chuckled as he gazed happily down at her. "True, but it got me what I wanted."

Sango blushed prettily and nudged him softly with her shoulder. "Yeah, well, you could have gotten it a lot sooner without out so many ass grabbings."

"Hey, hey, hey now!" Miroku lifted his hands in argument. "Don't diss the ass snatch."

"That's true." Kouga smirked, lightly punching Miroku's chest. "We got at least two fine ladies off the market because of it. Now if only _someone_ grabbed Kagome's ass then we'd all be happy."

Kagome gasped in mock indignation and shoved him away from her and the warehouse echoed with their laughter.

InuYasha had walked in a few minutes before to see his friends laugh and joke with his drummer. It had annoyed him deeply. He wasn't used to seeing them so animated and it unnerved him that he wasn't involved. But gazing at Kagome's face, his jealousy was quickly replaced by warm electricity in his chest. She beamed in happiness even when she pretended to be upset and it was hard to keep from smiling at their antics.

He swiftly looked away, uncomfortable at the feeling she was stirring in him. The girl had come so far in the last five weeks he has known her. She settled so comfortably in Perdition that it felt like she was always apart of it. Even his best friends treated her like she was a buddy. As far as he knew they have never acted so comfortably around anyone except each other, and that was only after knowing each other for a long time. It was unsettling how easily this girl wedged herself inside and how close she had gotten to each of them.

All except him. InuYasha cast his eyes down in angry humility. He couldn't exactly put the blame on her. It wasn't like he gave her the opportunity to know him, and it was safer that he didn't. He could see how much she bonded with his friends, and how relaxed and happy they were around her. He didn't want that. He didn't want her to get close to him. He didn't want her to see that part of him, the part that could laugh and relax in ease just because of her. To him, it was a part he didn't have and didn't want to have. And remembering last night, it was something he did not deserve to have. But it didn't stop the ache inside him that craved to be apart of her happiness.

He mentally shook his head and glared up at his band in resolved annoyance once again. Were they ever going to notice he was there? He cleared his throat heavily.

All eyes turned to him with mixed emotions and he couldn't help but feel slightly depressed at how his presence dropped the light mood. He hardened his shoulders as he crossed his arms and stretched a smirk across his lips. "Having fun?"

Kouga mimicked InuYasha right down to the smirk. "We were until you came in."

'Ouch.' InuYasha felt his smirk turn into a deep scowl as he eyed the long-haired man darkly. "Shut up, ass-wipe."

Sango smacked Kouga's arm before she headed over to her keyboard with a wry grin on her face. "Yeah, Ko. It's not like you're ever the life of the party." She gave InuYasha a small wink in jest.

"Nope." Miroku grinned jovially as he jogged over to his guitar. "That would be Kagome, apparently."

The girl in question gave him a snide face before ducking behind her drums to search for some sticks in her bag.

Miroku leaned over to Kouga who was lifting the strap of his bass guitar over his shoulder. "Think if we gave her some Tang she'd give us a pole dance?"

"Hey!" Kagome stood up abruptly with her hands fisted on her hips, a stick gripped hard in each hand.

All eyes shot up at Kagome, shocked to hear her raise her voice. Had they gone too far?

She shook a stick at Miroku menacingly. "There would have to be a lot of Tang and some rippin' music before that happens, Mister." She winked slightly as she fought off a smile. "What kind of Tang?"

All but one laughed at her retort.

InuYasha felt his heart stop for a moment. As she stood up, he could see the clothing she chose to wear and she looked hotter than he had ever seen her. The black pants hung low and loose, giving nothing away in the matter of her shapely legs. But the way the pants hugged her hips suggestively made his mouth water at the image of seeing them fall from her form. If that wasn't bad enough, the blood red body suit gave everything to the imagination. Her round breasts, tight stomach and the twin dips of her sides were perfectly moulded in his trademark colour. It was hard to contain the moan he barely stifled between clenched teeth. He realized then his plan had backfired.

When he told Sango to relay the message that Kagome could wear whatever the hell she wanted, he assumed she would wear her frumpy orphanage director clothes, not 'tease InuYasha's cock' clothes. He inwardly groaned.

The tight leather clothes she previously wore wreaked havoc in his dreams last night, making him wake up to wet sheets and a sticky, and still very painfully throbbing member. What she wore now blew that wet dream out of the water. With her raven hair hanging low, her face pure without make up, and a smile to die for, she showed her true natural beauty. She was perfection come to mock him, to make him fall on his knees at her feet. If only she would allow him to touch that hot body and lap her sweet skin to quench his dire need of her. God, what he'd give to be alone with her right now.

The very idea quickly made his gut twist in anxiety. After what she saw last night, could he trust himself to stand there as she looked at him, judged him and turn from him in disgust? Fuck, if the situation were reversed he'd be staring hatefully at her right now, wanting nothing more but for her to drop from the face of the earth.

Hesitantly, he lifted his eyes to seek hers and was almost blown away by the gentle smile and warm gaze she settled on him. It confirmed everything he was fighting against. Kagome held no hatred for him, no animosity, no revulsion. Instead he saw perfection - loving, peaceful perfection and she was giving it to him.

He wrenched his face away from her eyes and glowered at the ground. "Well, enough fucking around. Let's get this shit done, I want to be outta here by sundown."

Kouga snorted. "What? Got a hot date tonight, dog shit?"

"Yeah, with your momma." InuYasha flipped him the bird as he tossed his black motorcycle helmet to the side and stalked heavily to the mike stand. The faster they got this done, the faster he could get out of there. And the faster he could get away from the sudden impulse to run up to that damn girl and kiss her for every inch of her life. Too bad they were just starting.

Fuck, he was screwed.

-+-

Kagome gulped down some warm water from her thermos, ignoring the scattered drops that spilled from her mouth and down her front. She was hot, tired and so thirsty that no amount of water seemed to be hitting the spot.

It was well after sundown, and InuYasha was still going strong. He never seemed to notice the time, and whenever someone commented on it, he would look agitated before stating they needed to rehearse one more song. It was fast approaching ten o'clock and even InuYasha was looking drained. She didn't understand where his stamina was coming from, but she kept up as best she could. For some reason, she didn't want to stop either.

It could have been because she was concerned about the promos they had to do during the week, or maybe the desperation to win the competition on Friday, or the fact that InuYasha was so incredibly amazing tonight that she could not find it in her to leave his presence. He was singing harder than she had ever seen him do, and it brought out the very man she had craved the moment she first saw him. He was confident, powerful and alluring, without pretence or vengeance against her. Instead, he seemed to avoid her at all costs, not even looking at her unless he had to.

The few glimpses she got from him, though short, since he would look immediately away, were curious, almost as if he were studying her, before they turned cold… and if she could guess, sad even. She wondered what was going on in that mind of his. She had never seen him act this way and it confused her. He was always so confident, cocky even. Now, he seemed withdrawn.

Kagome felt her heart thump painfully. She also thought he looked scared. She questioned if she should talk to him about it, but knowing him the way she did, it was best to let him make the choice. She'd be content as long as he knew she was there for him in case he did. So whenever she'd catch his eye, she would smile warmly, not knowing it was that smile that made him turn away from her with that withdrawn expression.

She sighed as glared longingly at her now empty water bottle. She deftly got up from her seat by the drums to fill it up once more in the bathroom, wiping the sweat from the back of her neck as she rubbed her aching muscles. Man, she needed a shower. Her bladder twisted slightly as she walked. And she seriously needed to pee.

InuYasha watched her sweat drenched form trip lightly to the bathroom for the fifth time that night. They were taking another quick break as he prepared to rehearse another song. He knew he was working them too hard, but for some reason the thought of stopping made him feel slight panic in his chest, or more especially at the thought of Kagome leaving, though he wasn't about to admit that to himself. But he also knew they needed rest and it wasn't wise to burn out this close to the competition. Watching Kagome rub her neck before she ducked into the bathroom, he sighed resolutely.

"One more song and we'll call it a night." He said gruffly as he collapsed tiredly on a folding chair.

"About fucking time!" Kouga growled. "I was beginning to think a mutiny was needed to be organized."

InuYasha rolled his eyes before he looked distractedly back at the bathroom door. "Yeah, like you can organize anything. You can't even match your own socks."

Kouga smirked, flicking his eyes to the bathroom then back to InuYasha knowingly. "You'd be surprised at what I've organized."

"What's that supposed to mean?" InuYasha mumbled, not paying attention to what he was saying, his eyes still lingering on the door.

Kouga snickered. "I'll have you know that I'm setting someone up for Kagome."

"What!?" InuYasha's head whipped around so fast Kouga nearly winced.

"You heard me." He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "Some guy is interested in her so I'm helping him out."

InuYasha was sure he was seeing red. "Who the fuck is he?"

"Why do you care?" Kouga grinned evilly.

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed repeatedly. "I don't! I'm just shocked some lunatic likes the dumb bitch. You'd be doing him a favour by telling him to run away now."

"I could." The guitarist shrugged. "But he really likes her, and I think she'd be good for him. So why not set them up? She's single, gorgeous and funny. I think this guy has good taste, really."

The silver haired man felt his chest tighten painfully. He crossed his arms and looked dourly to the far wall. "Whatever. Good luck to him since she won't have the time to see the jackass anyways. Perdition will be keeping her too busy to do shit all."

Kouga looked casually back at Miroku and Sango, who were eyeing them both curiously. He grinned darkly back at the singer. "I don't think time is a factor. Besides, if I can make the time to see Ayame, Kag's can definitely make time to see him. She sees him at her work all the time anyways."

InuYasha's mouth dropped in disgust. "Are you talking about that Homo fucker?" He clenched his teeth hard. It was true that Hojo would be a good match for Kagome, but come on, the guy was a dipshit. She couldn't possibly want to date him, would she? He felt his chest grow cold at the thought.

"You mean Hojo?" Kouga's grin turned into a shrewd smirk, knowing his plan to make InuYasha jealous was working perfectly. He found it funny how the singer jumped so easily to conclusions when all the while he was referring to InuYasha himself. "He does like her. In fact I've set it up for him to see her next Saturday at some charity function she's going to."

"Like hell she is." InuYasha growled. "We are rehearsing next weekend for the third competition."

The bass player smiled slightly at InuYasha's confidence that they would even make it to the third competition before he shrugged. "Yeah, well, you'd be doing it alone, since we're all going to it."

"What?" InuYasha glared hard over at Miroku and Sango.

They grimaced at him guiltily.

"She asked us earlier this evening." Miroku shrugged.

"And it did seem very important to her." Sango smiled sheepishly. "Besides, it's in the afternoon. We have plenty of time to practice afterwards."

InuYasha felt his jaw drop. So they had mutinied after all. When did he lose control over this situation? He knew rationally that it was no big deal, but fuck! They needed to practice and… and…. She invited them to a charity thing and not him? And some ass fucker was going to meet her there?

He clenched his fists hard as he tried to control his temper. It felt like he got shot in the chest but a frosty bullet. Damn it, he wasn't about to stand for this!

"We ready?" Kagome smiled as she stepped from the bathroom, holding a full bottle of water.

InuYasha turned around and glared at her. "What the fuck was taking you so long? I've got better things to do than wait for your blessed ass to decide to grace us with your presence."

Kagome's mouth opened in slight surprise at his outburst, not sure where it had come from. She hurried over to the drums and sat down, refusing to look up at him as she readied herself.

The singer watched her move deftly to her instrument and he inwardly slapped himself. 'Great, Asshole, just great. You had to shoot your fucking mouth off. Damn it, why can't I learn to control my temper?'

He blew a frustrated breath out of his sweat stained lips. He needed a song to relieve this bitter betrayal he felt. His friends were tuning him out, all because of this fucking girl. Even she was pushing him out. Deep within him that thought hurt the most.

Growling, he nodded his head over his shoulder, not looking at any one in particular. "Nice Shot."

Kouga gave Kagome a quick smile before strumming a few chords on his bass. Kagome followed slowly behind on the drums. She gave him a slight wink back, letting him know that InuYasha's temper hadn't fazed her, though her heart thumped painfully at the wounded look on his face. What happened to him?

The singer gripped the mike hard in one hand and let his strained voice husk over the warehouse walls. Music was always his best therapy, though a fucking drag would be good after this.

I wish I would've met you  
Now it's a little late  
What you could've taught me  
I could've saved some face  
They think that your early ending  
Was all wrong  
For the most part they're right  
But look how they all got strong

He pulled the microphone from the stand and stepped back, keeping his back to his band, more specifically to his drummer.

That's why I say hey man nice shot  
What a good shot man

That's why I say hey man nice shot

What a good shot man

His hips pulsed forward as he pulled his back into an arc, his chest pointed hard at the ceiling to force his gut wrenching pain out in the lyrics.

A man  
Has gun  
Hey man  
Have fun  
Nice shot

He dropped his body back to turn to finally face her. His golden eyes filled with primal urgency and cold indifference as he stared her down. Her face shone confused innocence at his behaviour, but what else was new?

Now that the smoke's gone  
And the air is all clear  
Those who were right there  
Got a new kind of fear  
You'd fight and you were right  
But they were just too strong  
They'd stick it in your face  
And let you smell what they consider wrong

InuYasha stumbled in front of the drums and pointed to her, then to his chest. Kagome let her eyes drop back to the drums, unsure what to make of it all.

That's why I say hey man nice shot  
What a good shot man

That's why I say hey man nice shot

What a good shot man

He turned from her pissed off and forced his body forward, as if he were throwing up the lyrics he screamed out.

A man  
Has gun  
Hey man  
Have fun  
Nice shot

Kouga eyed him, knowing full well the emotions that were fucking up his friend. He just hoped his plan would help InuYasha in the long run. He held off a frown when InuYasha turned to glare hard at him, regurgitating the verse once more at his bass player.

A man

Has gun

Hey man

Have fun

Oh nice shot, man

InuYasha pumped his silver head in rhythm to Kagome's beats, feeling his temper cool and his body ease. He lifted his hand to point his fingers like a gun to his head, and shut his eyes as sweat streamed down his face.

Oh nice shot, man

He let his hand drop heavily to grip the mike hard to his lips.

Oh I wish I would've met you  
I wish I would've met you oh  
I wish I would've met you

I wish I would've met you

I'd say  
Nice shot

-+-

InuYasha cursed dully under his breath as he walked out of the warehouse to his cruiser. It was piss-pouring rain and he had to ride home in this. It was a classic ending to a shitty night. He fumbled in his jeans pocket trying to find his keys, having a hard time pulling them from his waterlogged pants.

"Fuck!" He dropped his helmet in agitation as he fumbled to hold his pants and pull his keys out at the same time.

Suddenly the rain stopped falling on him and a soft giggle brushed warmly against his ear. He looked up in surprise.

Kagome was holding a large black umbrella over his head and smiling warmly up at him. "Thought you might need this."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, tugging harder in the pocket that jailed his keys. "I don't need anything from you." He griped but didn't move from under the umbrella.

Kagome bit her lower lip as she gazed from his bike, to the rain falling overhead then finally to his disgruntled face. "Can I drive you home?"

He glared down at her. "What did I just say?"

She smiled slightly. "You don't need anything from me. But what I was asking was if I could drive you home. It's not safe to drive in this weather. It is typhoon season after all."

He shrugged indifferently but hissed slightly at a scratch his pocket gave his hand in his dire effort to get at his keys. "Damn it!"

"Please, InuYasha?" Kagome manoeuvred her face to gaze into his stubborn eyes. "You may not want anything to do with me, but I want to keep you safe. Let me drive you home."

InuYasha stopped still, stunned at her audacity to be nice to him after the shit he had to deal with that night. But then again, she technically didn't do anything wrong other than keep him from his friends and not invite him to things. He looked into her sky blue eyes and inwardly groaned. That damn innocent stare, what was she doing to him?

He sighed, feeling his temper melt away just by looking at her. Maybe he'd give her the chance to explain herself after he balled her out on it. Besides, it was a terrible night to ride home in. His eyes searched hers intently once more before he stooped down and picked up his helmet, emptying the rainwater from it. "Fine, since I know you won't shut up about it."

She smiled brightly as she held the umbrella over him, not seeming to notice that she was barely covered by it as she guided him to her car. She unlocked the passenger side and held the umbrella over him as he got in before she ran to the other side and hopped in the driver's side. She shivered as she shook her umbrella closed and dumped it into the back seat.

Digging her keys out, she pulled her car door shut and smiled over at him. "Much better, huh?"

He gave her a rueful glance before looking out his window. He wasn't sure how to approach the subject of tonight, but maybe it was better off being ignored, like the subject of last night, or hell, any night he had to deal with her. A blast of cold air from her heater buffeted against his face, making him shiver involuntarily.

"Sorry." She leaned over and adjusted the settings to warm up the car, and to defog the windows that had built a rapid glaze as soon as she turned on the engine. She quickly pulled her seat belt over herself and glanced over at him, expecting him to do the same.

He flicked his eyes over at her before grumbling in annoyance and buckled his own belt.

Steadily the air grew warmer in the car and the windows began to clear. Flicking her wipers on bust, Kagome slowly inched the car from the lot until she stopped suddenly. Her wide blue eyes searched his face. "Um, where do you live?"

He gave her an annoyed glance and nodded his head to the right. "Third Street West," he mumbled, rubbing his wet hands against even wetter jeans.

She nodded as she moved the car out, looking distracted as she drove out on the slightly flooded street.

InuYasha studied her damp form from the corner of his eye. Her cheeks were flushed and pale from the cold, as were her fingers. Yet it in no way detracted from her beauty. Instead her diamond blue eyes looked even brighter. There was nothing that could make her unsightly. In fact, everything seemed to make her more and more lovely.

"Are you getting warm?" Her soft question made him almost jump.

"Keh, I'm fine. I've dealt with worse weather."

Kagome glanced at him questionably before she set her lips in a resolute line. "Well, not anymore. I'll come get you whenever you need… I mean, whenever you want me to." She smiled sincerely over at him.

He studied her quickly before he shrugged and looked back out the passenger window. "I won't want you to do anything for me. I'm fine on my own."

She bit her lower lip and sighed, unsure how to react before she gave in to her temptation. She smiled warmly over at him, her eyes bright and soft. "I know you are, it's one of the things I like so much about you."

He looked over at her stunned. She liked him?

"You know, I was hoping to talk to you before you left." She gazed out the windshield, staring warily at the storm torn sky.

"If this is about that charity thing next week, I already know. I ain't going." He crossed his arms over his chest, cringing slightly as his cold wet shirt pressed up against his flesh. Besides, it was too late for her to ask now and he hated pity invites.

"Oh." Kagome looked disappointed. "Kouga told me to not bother asking you, but I still thought I'd ask."

InuYasha's eyes opened wide as he turned to face her. "He did what?"

Kagome nodded. "He said he already asked you, and said you didn't want to go. But I hoped maybe you'd have changed your mind."

InuYasha could feel his temper flare and the need to beat a certain blue-eyed guitarist nearly suffocated him. That dumb fuck! Why would he tell her that? Unless Kouga didn't want him at the function. Did he think he'd fuck up the date he had planned for her? Why would Kouga even think he'd give a damn about that anyways, unless he was keeping him from something else? Damn it! What was that shit stain planning that he didn't want him around for?

InuYasha inwardly seethed before he turned his golden eyes at her, coming to a quick conclusion. "Tell you what. If we win next week, I'll go to this charity whatever."

Kagome smiled brightly as she looked over at him happily. "Deal. But I have to say it's in the bag. Perdition is going all the way, baby!" She flushed prettily in her excitement before she quickly looked to the road, her smile still lighting up her face.

InuYasha grinned slightly despite of himself. Her enthusiasm was contagious as was her smile. He felt slightly guilty at yelling at her earlier, now knowing it wasn't her fault. She did want him to come, but that ass fucker Kouga lied to her. He knew he should say something to Kagome about it, but one thing he was never good at was apologizing. But looking at Kagome's happy face, it seemed it was something she would never ask for.

He turned his eyes to the road and inwardly groaned. Even though she had never blamed him for any injustice he had done to her, he still felt she had every right to hate him. Then at least someone would hate him more than he hated himself. But she would never do that. He knew that now.

He eyed her on the sly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad getting to know her.

_Back at the warehouse._

"I really don't think this is going to work, Ko." Sango frowned. "InuYasha would never go for a set up."

"All the more reason to have him think he doesn't stand a chance." Kouga smirked. "Dog breath thinks Kagome is way out of his league, but we all know he wants her. I think she might be able to turn the guy around."

"I don't know, Ko." Miroku looked down in doubtful anger. "InuYasha is into some hardcore shit. His dealings with Kikyo tie into Naraku, and I don't want Kagome involved in that. Though I doubt InuYasha would intentionally hurt her, he's so far down that rabbit hole he's bound to make her fall with him."

Kouga crossed his arms. "Kagome is a lot smarter than we give her credit for. I think she might have a better grasp on how to deal with him than any of us. I mean, look at how he's behaved since she joined. He's done everything he can to push her away. Hell, some of the shit he pulled would have me in jail for killing him already. But Kags, she stuck through it without worse for wear. And I think she's getting to him. You saw how he reacted tonight when he thought I was setting her up with that doofus she works with."

Sango looked wryly over at Miroku. "Yeah. He was pretty insane. I've never seen him so jealous."

"I've never seen him jealous, period." Miroku shook his head. He looked up at Kouga. "Fine, we'll help you out. But if it seems Kagome will get hurt, that's it, we're calling it off."

Sango nodded. "We want to help InuYasha, but we will not sacrifice Kagome to do it."

Kouga grinned. "Believe me, we won't go any further than what Kagome will allow. And I highly doubt she'd sacrifice herself for him." Kouga rolled his eyes. "We should know by now she's too strong to let InuYasha break her down."

The couple looked at each other, then to Kouga. Kagome may be strong in her faith, but InuYasha was strong in his self-loathing. They only hoped Kagome was strong enough to endure it to bring their friend out of his darkness, without him destroying her in the process.

"What do we have to do?" Sango sighed.

Kouga smiled slyly. "We feed their strengths."

A/N: Hey Man, Nice Shot, sung by Filter. Kick ass song that has to be pumped up as I drive home from work. Hey, every gal needs a PWND (Owned spelled geek style) CD. I know it's a song about suicide, but I also think it's about betrayal. Sometimes a man drowns in his own weaknesses to fall victim to his self. I thought that applied pretty well to this InuYasha.

Just a quick note about a few things. I have been asked a few questions about the story that may be confusing to the flow and accuracy of the whole thing. So I decided to address them now so you all won't think I'm horrible and need a smack up against the side of my head.

One such question was what the time frame of the story was. Just to make sure that people understand that this is more of a near or far future setting, and I didn't state the exact time for a reason. I will leave that up to individual ideas of politics and world transitions. Some changes are dramatic and some ageless. In this case, it is just a matter of looking at today, seeing the Middle East conflict, the conflict in Afghanistan, the conflict with North and South Korea, and the conflict with Lebanon, etc. Each of these countries are tied to other countries, who are against other countries. Some have means for mass destruction, some have the mind to use them, and some have the morals to stop them. It was a matter of poetic licence on my part that took the hard road to show the devastating results if our world did go into World War III because of these conflicts.

In the news we can see it is the Western Culture calling it a war on terrorism, while those suffering these terrors are told is it a matter of faith and God. A God not associated with one religion, but all three major ideas of thought: Judaism, Islam and Christianity. At the moment in our true time, there is an arms race, and there is the means to use them, and there are the morals to see how damaging it would be. But if these morals are unable to stop the hatred and power lust, then yes, our world may go to war, with as much force to kill up to a quarter of our world's population. That is why I stated that World War III in my story was called the War of Armageddon, because it has the potential to change the world as we know it forever, based upon the principles we had evolved from an ideal God.

As for the time frame for my story, that is a matter of thought. If mass weapons are used, think of the amount of bodies to be buried. Think of the amount of graves and cremations needed to get rid of these bodies. Think about the environmental effects from radiation, poisons and even our own waste, especially as bodies decompose. Think about the effects of our water systems not being sanitized correctly because of the population loss, and the amount of bio fluid polluting the water if bodies and waste are not disposed of properly. Think of the food being contaminated because the water isn't fit to drink let alone grow crops, etc. Think of the sicknesses that will occur if bodies and waste cannot be buried or destroyed and bacteria rises and evolves.

Think about what can happen if the water becomes contaminated, or medicines cannot be distributed, or nourishment cannot be gained. Think of more death because of these sicknesses and famine.

Now think of the war finally being over, and the world needs to be repaired. Bodies need to be taken care of, water needs to be reserved, energy conserved, and people need to get back on track. Think about the conflicts that people hurt by war will suffer, and think of the lifestyles the children and teenagers (that grew up seeing nothing but death and destruction) will choose to live. Think about new cities being made, new ties being forged and new countries being named. Think about the amount of time needed for all that to occur, and that will be the time frame of my story. It can be a matter of years, to possible decades to maybe up to a century. Horrible to think, but like I said, I took the worse of the worse case scenario as a backdrop for my story. Let's just hope it stays in a story.

Another question asked was language and how they will be able to perform when there is a language barrier. Don't fret, it was not an error on my part and will be explained later in the story. So for now just assume they are talking Japanese. Right now Perdition is performing in Kyoto, Tokyo, and if they make it, Hong Kong. As far as I know, language is not so much a problem at the moment, but yes, like I said, the language barrier will be addressed in later chapters.

And finally there is the question on religion. How is it possible for Christianity to be in Japan? Well, considering that about two million people practice Christianity in Japan, it isn't far fetched. The majority of Japanese are Buddhists or of Shinto faith, but in actuality these are more formal beliefs than practiced ones for many Japanese people. Both are remarkable faiths centred on very wise and wonderful ideas and stories. If you are curious about Japanese faith, I highly recommend you research it. It's very fascinating.

As for my story and Kagome having faith in God, that will be further explained deeper in the story, as well as why InuYasha hates believers so much. Don't worry, none of these details were left out, and they are in my mind when I write, so please don't think I'm just typing on a whim ;).

I think that addresses the big items of my story. If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask me. I make it a point to email those who review, though difficult at times with MM unless people leave an email. I hope this clears everything up and I hope you enjoy the story. Love and Laughter! WDW


	14. Coming Undone

It was a dull grey Monday. A day that was difficult to wake up to and even more difficult to get started. Once Kagome had reluctantly showered and had a hasty breakfast, it was a mad panic to find something appropriate to wear. The one outfit she had bought was still in the laundry, leaving either the leather suits she got from Sango, or her work clothes. Looking outside her bedroom window to see the muggy haze, she realized that neither style was going to cut it. But it wasn't like she had any other options.

Sighing, she reached into her closet to pull out her leather ensemble when a black sleeveless top with a shiny blue Celtic cross plastered on the front was thrust in front of her.

"This would be perfect with a pair of Tommy Jeans."

Kagome looked over at Ayame with a stunned expression. "But I don't have any…."

Ayame winked. "I do." She grabbed Kagome's arm and hauled her over to her bed. "Come on, we have to make you look good for your adoring fans."

Kagome laughed. "It's radio. No one will see me."

Ayame's green eyes sparkled as if they held a secret. "Someone always sees you. You may as well look good for whoever does."

The blue-eyed girl gave her a wry glance. "You are strange. Have I ever told you that?"

"Everyday since we were fifteen." Ayame laughed and tossed a black bra and panties at her.

Kagome shook her head, smiling. Casting off her pink pyjamas, she donned her black underwear, vaguely aware of her friend moving busily around the room.

"Put that shirt on and see if these fit." The redhead tossed a pair of dark jeans on the bed beside the black top.

Kagome lifted the shirt and her eyes widened. "Ayame! I can't wear this!"

The girl turned to look at her confused. "Why not?"

Kagome lifted the black shirt and stretched it, making the shirt semi sheer.

Ayame shook her head in disbelief. "Oh come on, Kags. Just try it on, I swear no one will see your back."

Kagome eyed the shirt warily. It did look nice, and material did feel cool, but still. Looking up to see Ayame's disappointed glare, she reluctantly put the shirt on.

Standing up, she turned to the mirror, twisting her body to see her back. The shirt was a little sheer, but none of her scars showed through. Though her pale flesh could somewhat be seen, it didn't look like she had any scarring at all.

She smiled in relief and looked over at Ayame, popping her black panty clad hip in a little sexy dance. "I'm keeping this shirt."

Ayame laughed. "It's yours. I have a green one just like it anyways."

Kagome reached quickly over to grab the jeans and hefted the form fitting pants over her hips.

Ayame rolled her eyes. "Naturally, they would fit you like a glove. I hate your figure."

Kagome twisted her nose at her friend. "We're the same size, Aya."

"Yeah, but your more toned." Ayame huffed.

"Chasing after fifteen kids does that." Kagome grinned and deftly brushed her hair. "What time is it?"

"Almost eight." Ayame stretched her neck trying to see the alarm clock.

"What?!" Kagome tossed her brush to the side and grabbed her bag by her bed. "I have to be there by eight thirty! InuYasha is going to kill me if I'm late!" She rushed quickly from the bedroom to the stairs.

"Well, we can't keep him waiting any longer." Ayame grinned and followed the girl out of the room.

-+-

Kagome had Ayame drive her to the radio station, since she wasn't sure if there would be parking nearby, and now stood frightfully alone in front of a looming glass tower. She stared wide mouthed up at the building before her. It was huge. How on earth was this a radio station?

Her eyes flicked up the numerous dark blue windows, wondering what all those windows were for. It was hard to believe there was that many offices needed for one radio station. She checked the address one more time just to make sure she was at the right place. She skimmed her gaze over the brass numbers on the brick siding. Yup, she was at the right place.

She shifted her backpack on her shoulder in anxious worry. She knew she was to meet everyone in the lobby but it didn't stop the bitter nerves her stomach was suffering since she woke up that morning. Sighing deeply, she pushed the heavy glass door open and walked in.

She cast her eyes around the lobby quickly, taking in her surroundings. The floor and walls were made of matching black marble and the ceiling was of brass. Various ferns, trees and plants decorated the foyer. Finally, a massive cherry wood desk stood ominously at the far end, sandwiched between two brass door elevators.

Leaning casually against the desk was InuYasha.

Kagome felt her mouth go dry as she took in his form. His long white hair was flowing softly down his shoulders and was held off his face by a pair of light sunglasses. He wore a soft cotton black t-shirt and baggy black cargo pants that hugged his body perfectly. By his feet rested his black biker's helmet. He looked tough and relaxed at the same time, making her insides hum in pleasure. Flicking her gaze back up, she saw his golden eyes size her up and a sly smirk settled on his face before he turned back to talk to the receptionist by the desk, actively ignoring her.

Kagome watched as the girl giggled and blushed at him, while he softly said something with a devilish grin on his face. She inwardly sighed. How many times she was going to keep setting herself up for something that wasn't meant to be? Casting her head away sadly, she looked quickly around once more before she found what she was looking for. Biting the inside of her lip, she sat down quietly on a plush loveseat by the wall as she waited for everyone else to show up. Leaning her elbows on her knees, she rested her head on her hands and stared patiently at the glass doors leading outside.

InuYasha had watched her from the corner of his eye all the while.

He had seen when she first arrived, standing in awe outside the building. He couldn't pull his eyes from her, taking in her beautiful body and cute appraisal of the tower. He liked the new style of clothing she had been wearing. She looked sexy even though she was dressed casual. He had quickly tuned out the receptionist's banter, losing the small trace of interest he had in her.

When Kagome walked in, he had thought she looked so lost and small. He automatically felt compelled to go over to her, but fought it off. Instead he had watched her intently, waiting for her to finally notice him. When she had, he couldn't stop the wild pumping of his blood as she studied his form and a small blush settled on her cheeks. He never felt more attractive in his life. And never had he felt the need to ravish someone so badly.

He had turned quickly from her, hoping she didn't see how obvious he wanted her. Flitting his eyes back to the girl behind the desk, he began to shamelessly flirt, hoping she would distract him from the beauty that stood behind him. But his attention never wavered from the blue-eyed drummer.

Kagome sat so quietly and lonely on that chair, it was hard to not go over to her. Images of nuzzling her neck and kissing behind her ear to make her smile grazed his mind and he moaned heatedly.

"I thought you'd might like that." A whiny voice purred up at him.

InuYasha shot his attention back to the receptionist who was lazily combing a lock of his hair. What the fuck was she doing? Was this bitch crazy? He stood up abruptly, inadvertently pulling strands of his hair out when she snagged on a knot.

"Ow! Fuck!" He hissed and glowered in disgust at seeing a pink comb stuck in his hair. He tugged hard at it but it wouldn't budge. "Get it the hell off me, now!"

The receptionist's eyes widened at his language and moved from behind the desk to help him. "I told you to hold still. See, I knew your hair needed grooming."

InuYasha backed away from the girl in revulsion. What the hell was she doing touching his hair anyways? No one touches him period!

A small hand rested on his arm and he stopped moving back to glare hard at the person beside him, only to see Kagome's laughing eyes looking up at him. She shook her head humorously as she slowly moved in front of him, blocking off the receptionist's groping hands. InuYasha couldn't help but breathe in her sweet warm scent as she stood quietly beneath him.

Reaching for the matted lock of hair, Kagome's nimble fingers pulled each strand out painlessly until the comb came free. He watched dumbly as she worked, straining to hold his hands in place to keep from touching her. He felt his eyes almost close in pleasure when she then ran those same fingers through the offended lock, smoothing it out into the softness it deserved.

"There." She looked up at him with a soft smile on her face. "Perfect." She handed the comb to the woman behind her. "Please excuse him, Ms…?"

"Yura." The receptionist gave Kagome a confused glare then passed it over to InuYasha.

"Yura." Kagome smiled and turned to face the girl. "Sorry about that. His hair is very sensitive."

"Oh." Yura grinned, twirling the pulled strands of his hair around her comb distractedly. It made the man shudder in disgust but she did not notice as she eyed him hungrily. "I'll be more careful."

InuYasha paled and unconsciously stood closer to Kagome, nearly pressing himself against her back. The bitch _was_ crazy.

Kagome gave him a quick glance from the corner of her eye before turning her attention back to the girl. "That's okay. Maybe later. Our friends will be joining us soon and we need to head to our interview." She looked back up at InuYasha from over her shoulder and smiled slightly. "Besides, we like his hair a bit unruly, it makes him look more wild and sexy. It's good for our image."

With that she walked away from them both and headed to the same loveseat to wait for her band mates.

InuYasha never bothered to give Yura a second glance as he turned swiftly from her to sit next to Kagome on the seat, hoping the fucked up woman would take the hint and leave him alone. Thankfully she did, pouting slightly as she moved back to the reception desk.

InuYasha settled deeper into the loveseat beside Kagome. It was hard to not look smug over the fact she thought he looked wild and sexy. It was even harder to fight off the growing ache he felt in his groin by the gentle touch she gave his hair. He never felt anything so innocent or erotic, especially at the same time.

Sitting next to her, he could feel her body heat as it brushed against the fine hairs of his arm. Her scent smelled of summer and sunshine. Damn, how could anyone smell so good? This girl was going to be the death of him. He shifted slightly to make his pants more comfortable, only to realize it was a fruitless endeavour.

Growling, he stretched his legs out and crossed both his arms and legs contritely, trying not to look at her. Instead, he stared sourly at a bamboo tree across from him.

"They must be running late."

InuYasha perked an ear slightly at her soft statement. "They got a few minutes more, or else." He grumbled.

Kagome grinned as she leaned forward on the chair to look out the door. "I know they wouldn't want to miss this. Sango was so excited when I talked to her last night, so I know she'd be riding Miroku and Kouga to get here on time."

InuYasha just grunted and glowered harder at the tree. So she talked to his friends regularly? Did they go out often? Some friends they were to never think to invite him. Keh, as if he'd go, but that was beside the point. When the fuck did they have time to go out anyways?

His mind drifted to all the times his band hung out during and after practice. He tensed in realization. No, they never left him out. They had gotten to know each other right in front of him. He just didn't give a bloody fuck at the time. He inhaled deep, trying to fight the bitter twist he felt in his gut. Instead he breathed in the soft relaxing perfume of her natural scent and it enticed his senses to places he rather not go. He fought to keep his body from easing beside her from the comfort she exuded. Why did she have to smell so fucking delicious? Why did sitting next to her feel so damn good?

A soft sigh passed warmly by his face and he flicked an eye in her general direction. She was watching him with a small smile before she gazed down at the ground, her long black hair flowing fluidly with her motions.

"I'm nervous." She murmured.

He shifted his gaze to regard her fully, though he still looked dour. "What the fuck for?"

She shrugged, still looking to the floor with that small smile on her lips. "No one ever asked me questions about me before. I'm not sure what to say."

InuYasha studied her for a moment before turning back to the tree. "Keh. You just answer them. And if you don't like what they ask you tell them it's none of their damn business."

Kagome rolled her eyes playfully at him. "Now that will help." She giggled as she looked back down to the marble floor. "Besides, with these kind of people, it's mostly what you don't say that they hear."

Confused, InuYasha looked over at her, but before he could ask what she meant the outside door opened, emitting a small blast of hot humid air.

"I am never driving with you again." Sango growled as Miroku stumbled in behind her.

"Aw, come on, Baby. I told you I knew a short cut." He whined.

Sango pierced him with a cold look. "A short cut is a direction which is shorter, not a route for you to go faster. And look, we made it later than we would have if we took the way I said."

"Yeah." Kouga chuckled as he entered behind them. "But we would never have had that bitchin' drag race with that old man if we took your way."

Sango scowled. "Don't encourage him."

"Hey, Yash, Kags." Miroku smiled and nodded to both of them.

Sango turned to look at the sitting couple and her temper quickly vanished. InuYasha never sat beside anyone if he could help it. Hell, she'd known him for most of her life and he always made it a point to sit alone. It was incredibly wonderful to see him next to Kagome. Kouga was right. Kagome had a massive effect on her friend, though it was sad that neither would admit it.

InuYasha stood up in annoyance once all three finally noticed them. "It's about time you slack jaws showed up. Thought I'd have to do this shit on my own."

Miroku grinned like the bird that ate the canary. "You're not alone. Kagome is with you."

InuYasha flushed slightly and looked away angrily. "It's sad that she's the only one I can rely on."

Kagome looked up at him from where she sat. Did he just compliment her? Well, it wasn't much of one, but she knew what he really meant. She smiled warmly up at him and stood up when she noticed an older man in a casual suit coming over to them.

"Perdition?" The man bowed slightly.

InuYasha turned and regarded the man before nodding. "Yeah."

The man smiled. "I'm Lung Jim. I'll bring you up to the studio now. You're going to be on in about fifteen minutes so we need to get you prepared."

Following the man to the elevators, InuYasha quickly scooped up his helmet he left by the desk. His eyes widened in slight fear as Yura strummed her finger over the teeth of her comb and gave him a sexy grin. Gripping his abused lock of hair protectively, he walked quickly over to Kagome's side and followed them into the elevator, praying the doors would shut faster.

-+-

The set up was simple for their promo. All they needed to do was sit in a room with several mikes and computers that would record their interview with the host. Kagome was surprised to see a few web cameras around as well. Zu, the scrawny man who would be interviewing them, said that they would be recorded for the radio's online show so people all over could access it.

That certainly settled the quake in her chest. Kagome frowned wryly.

A massive sofa was in front of the recording desk and all five of them had to sit restlessly as Zu and his assistant got everything prepared. Zu wanted uniformity in how they sat, so it went boy, girl, boy. And since InuYasha was the leader, he sat closest to the interviewer, meaning he was the first on the couch. Kagome had moved to the other end but was immediately shoved by someone to sit beside him. Kouga had collapsed comfortably next to her, followed by Sango and Miroku. The three looked awfully smug as they chatted idly with each other.

Kagome fidgeted with her fingers as Zu moved around the room setting up mikes for all of them.

"Stop it." InuYasha grumbled beside her.

She looked up at him, somewhat relieved and nervous that he was sitting so close to her. She clenched her fingers and smiled sheepishly up at him. "Sorry. Nervous." She whispered.

InuYasha looked down into her wide expressive eyes and inwardly groaned as his gaze trailed down to her soft lips. He gruffly shot his head away from her and shrugged. "You're just back up. They won't be asking much of you anyways."

He felt his chest squeeze hard when he saw the deflated look on her face as she cast her eyes down. Cringing slightly, he turned away from her. He never gave a rat's ass about anyone's feelings before. Hell, only a few weeks ago he would have rejoiced seeing the dejected look on her face. But now it seemed his heartlessness struck a chord and he hated it. Growling slightly he turned to explain what he meant before her soft voice stopped him.

"You're right. That's the bane of being a drummer." Her eyes looked up at him jokingly, without a trace of hurt. "At least I'm not the center of attention, so not much will be expected of me." She seemed to relax as she leaned back on the couch, her blue eyes dancing in mock indifference. "Man, I don't envy you."

InuYasha smirked slightly and settled back beside her, both watching Zu distractedly. He hadn't intentionally meant to say what he did, nor did he mean for it to come out the way it did. But Kagome knew what he meant, and he appreciated her for it.

He was amazed he was even going to actively talk to her. It would certainly be the first time he bothered to have a conversation with her. He sighed gruffly and crossed his arms. "He'll probably ask why you wanted to join Perdition, how it felt when you got chosen, and maybe something stupid like what's your favourite song or music group."

"Oh." Kagome tilted her head in thought, unknowingly moving it closer to him.

Instinctively, InuYasha shifted his nose towards her, breathing in her soft scent before he caught himself. He inched closer to the arm of the couch and away from her.

Kagome didn't seem to notice as she looked up at him and smiled. "Thanks, InuYasha."

He feigned interest in what Zu was doing. "For what?"

"For making me feel better."

InuYasha turned just in time to see her close her eyes as she relaxed beside him. He grunted indifferently, though he eased closer to her.

"Okay. We're ready here." Zu grinned and sat down at the desk facing them. "When the red light flashes, we'll begin."

Perdition sat up and settled into "interview" mode just as the red light of the studio flashed.

Zu smiled over at InuYasha as he spoke into his mike. "Good morning, Kyoto. Zu Sin here with the much talked about Perdition, our own local metal band that had swept the votes at the first War of the Bands competition last Friday in our beautiful city. Here with me we have…." He pointed to InuYasha.

The silver haired singer held back a snide retort as he leaned into the mike. His voice was husky and sexy as he spoke, knowing full well how to reach his fan base. "InuYasha."

Zu then pointed to Kagome and all the way down the line, each member quickly spouting off their given names. Turning back to InuYasha, he nodded his head slightly to gain the singer's attention before he read the interview notes off his laptop.

"Yasha, as his hardcore fans know him as, is the lead singer for Perdition." Zu looked distracted as he tapped on the laptop beside him. "Tell me, Yasha. How does it feel being accepted into the WoB?

'WoB?' InuYasha thought and inwardly rolled his eyes before answering. "Feels like nothing else, Zu. We worked hard to get where we are, and it will be that hard work that will make us win."

"Well, I guess that answers my next question." Zu flicked his eyes up at the band before going back to what he was reading. "You believe Perdition will go all the way?"

"No." InuYasha growled into the mike. "I know we will. Believing gets us nowhere."

Kagome lifted her face to see a hard glare simmer in InuYasha's eyes as he watched the interviewer intently. She knew he hated believers, but did it go so far that he was offended when someone even used the word believe? She wondered how it was possible for someone to hold so much pain. She wished so much she could wipe it all away. Her attention was quickly brought back to the interview as Zu bombarded InuYasha with more questions, which he easily answered, though his patience was wearing thin.

She bit shyly at her lower lip as she watched Zu pass questions to each of her band mates, ranging from previous amateur concerts they had performed to more personal ones such as relationships. She could see InuYasha was getting annoyed, meaning he was getting bored. She hoped the interview ended soon so he wouldn't have to deal with this for much longer.

"Kagome." Her eyes shot up to meet Zu's. "You're the newest member of Perdition. I heard you joined only a few months ago. What made you want to join Perdition?"

Kagome grinned despite herself, knowing InuYasha had called the questions she would be asked. "When I saw that Perdition was looking for a drummer, I had to try out. I've been listening to their music ever since they started and I knew they'd be going far. No one ever reached me as much as they did. I would have to say I was their biggest fan before anyone really knew them."

InuYasha looked at her stunned, as did as the rest of the band. She had listened to them when they were nobodies? She was their biggest fan, huh? He felt his chest swell slightly in pride.

"Oh?" Zu looked up with interest for the first time. "What do you mean they reached you?"

Kagome blushed slightly as she pondered his question. "It's rare to relate to music. For the longest time, music was just a means for money, sex and fame. But once in a blue moon, someone sings something that has meaning and it touches those who listen. Perdition has that gift. They sing about things that we all question and feel. Their songs are not about making it big, it's about making it at all. And I think that's what makes this band so popular. People can relate to what they play. I was one of those people, and now I am happy to say I am apart of this wonderful band."

Zu looked her over fully, his eyes lingering up and down her glowing form. InuYasha grit his teeth together to keep him from socking the dumb shit in his face.

"What song was it that pulled you the most towards Perdition?" Zu smiled attentively at the young woman.

Kagome smiled back. "I thought I knew. But every day InuYasha amazes me. As long as he keeps singing, there will never be one song that pulls me, since they all make me love this band more and more. I just look forward to a new day to see where he'll bring us."

Zu tilted his head to the side. "Where do you think that will be?"

"The final competition, of course. No one sings better than InuYasha." She beamed.

InuYasha watched her intently, his mouth open slightly in awe at her answers. He had never heard anyone talk about Perdition like that. Hell, no one had ever complimented him like that before, or at all. But Kagome, all she did was make him feel good, even when he knew he didn't deserve it. His body tingled in a sensation he had never felt before, but it felt wonderful.

Zu looked up at him and a knowing look filtered across his face. He turned back to Kagome. "So Kagome. Are you and InuYasha dating?"

Kagome and InuYasha looked stunned for a moment before their faces grew hot and both looked away from each other.

"Um, no." Kagome smiled prettily. "InuYasha and I are just friends and nothing more."

InuYasha remained silent, glaring at the far wall trying desperately to fight the bitter burn of disappointment. He didn't know why he felt dejected when Kagome said no and that they were just friends. It was true, they weren't dating, and until now he didn't think they were even friends. Hell, he didn't even want anything to do with her in the relationship sense. But for some reason, the thought of not having it as an option disturbed him. Friends? He supposed. And that's all they would be. He felt his chest go numb, unaware as Zu prattled on.

"Well that's a shame. I know your avid fans would love to see you both together." Zu turned back to his computer once more. "We're going to listen to Alive, the song that won the first competition. When we come back, Perdition will give us a taste of what's to come."

Zu tapped a few keys before flicking off the flashing light. "Okay guys, your manager set up your equipment here earlier so you can head into the sound studio to get prepared."

Kagome looked concerned when InuYasha growled lowly and stood.

"What did you say?"

Zu looked up at InuYasha in confusion. "Mr Taisho stated that in order to promote Perdition you must perform live so word will get out about your band." Zu smiled over at Kagome. "We don't normally allow bands to play unless they have a record label or are well known, but Mr. Taisho was very persuasive. And he was right. It is a fantastic opportunity to have more hear you and know you."

Kagome smiled back and nodded. "Well, thank you for allowing us to do this."

"Keh." InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He walked quickly from the room to the sound studio connected to it, ignoring the stunned look on Zu's face.

Kagome smiled sheepishly in apology to Zu before following her friends into the next room.

"Damn Sesshomaru. I told him no flavours. Who the fuck does he think he is saying we'll perform without my permission?" InuYasha eyed his band angrily before shaking his head in disgust. "Well, we're stuck now. Come on, let's get this shit over with so we can get the hell out of here."

Kagome sighed quietly at his behaviour before she looked quickly around the sound booth. She was amazed to see all their instruments there. Sesshomaru went to a lot of trouble to get it all set up. She gazed over at Sango, wondering how he got the equipment from the warehouse where she lived.

Sango just shrugged exasperatedly as she moved behind her keyboard and turned it on. "I thought you knew. He came by last night and got them, saying we should be grateful to him that he set this up. I just hope he's planning on bringing this shit back to the 'Hut' because I'm not going to. But it is rather cool he set this up considering. He does tend to always get his way."

"Story of my life." InuYasha muttered as he adjusted the mike in front of him.

Kagome smiled and shook her head in acceptance before she moved behind the drums, finding a set of sticks by the base. Sesshomaru had definitely prepared for this.

"What are we playing?" Kouga asked as he pulled his long hair from the guitar strap on his shoulder.

"Fuck if I care." InuYasha growled, not bothering to look back at them.

Miroku looked over at InuYasha in silent understanding. Normally this wouldn't be an issue and the singer would have lapped up the attention of performing live to a new audience. There was something else bothering his friend that made him doubly put up his front. Sighing, Miroku cast his gaze to each band mate in turn before he pasted on a grin. "How about Undone? That'll wake up whoever's listening."

"Sure, whatever." InuYasha grunted and waited for Zu to come by.

"Alright." The older man grinned as he walked in as if on cue. "Ready in thirty. I'll signal you when to start."

InuYasha just stared coldly at the man without giving a response.

Zu's grin fell. He coughed uncomfortably and moved back into the next room, visible through a pane of glass. He shut the door to the sound studio and moved to sit at his desk to introduce the band to the radio audience.

InuYasha turned to gaze at his mates behind his shoulder. "Let's hope the fucker did a sound check beforehand, otherwise this will suck monkey balls."

Kagome fought off a laugh at his lewd description. She cast her eyes up to meet his and smiled. "Well, look on the bright side. If we do bad, we never have to be interviewed by him again."

InuYasha just smirked and looked back to the pane of glass, waiting for the man's signal.

Kagome felt her heart beat faster at that look. It was the closest thing to a smile that InuYasha gave that was somewhat sincere. Anything else was a cause for worry.

She saw when InuYasha was given the sign from the recording booth, and she waited for him to give them the signal. With a flick of InuYasha's finger, Miroku pounded the steady chords that would set the entire song.

Looking at his guitarist from the corner of his eye, InuYasha cast his voice out into the radio world, signalling the rest of his band to follow with him behind his words.

Keep holding on  
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb  
Guess the black thoughts have come again to get me  
Sweet bitter words  
Unlike nothing I have heard  
Sing along mocking bird  
You don't affect me

Miroku strummed quickly and Sango continued a simulated rhythmic beat beside Kagome's. InuYasha lifted his voice to the mike, flicking his eyes periodically up at Zu in indifference. A few people had wondered into the radio room to watch them perform.

That's right  
Deliverance of my heart  
Please strike  
Be deliberate

InuYasha thrust his lips closer to the mike as he shouted to his faceless listeners.

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Irate  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate

Stepping back he pumped his head to Kagome's beats, timing her hits to his verse.

Choke, choke again  
I thought my demons were my friends  
Getting me in the end  
They're out to get me  
Since I was young  
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue  
And this sweet sugar gun  
Does not protect me

His eyes cast out beyond the window before him, seeing Zu and several others bobbing in time to their music. He watched as two young interns smiled at him with interest and he had to keep from rolling his eyes at their giggling.

That's right  
Trigger between my eyes  
Please strike  
Make it quick now

He stepped back and flipped his long bangs from his eyes, turning burning cold eyes back to his audience before him. He may have hated the imposition of performing for them, especially this early in the morning, but he'd be damned if he didn't give them a good show. He thrust his hips hard and fluidic with each word he yelled, making the two girls eye him eagerly. If he knew one thing, it was working up a crowd of females.

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Irate  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate

Kagome's beats were barely heard over the rest of the band, but it was the one thing he centred on as they played. His eyes looked distant as he flicked his gaze around the outside room. The interns swayed to the music and for some reason it repulsed him. It wasn't the fact they were unattractive, on the contrary they were very sexy in their small skirts and tight shirts. But for some reason looking at them gave him no pleasure like it used to. Normally he'd be goading them on, getting a sexual charge out of enticing them, making them think he'd fuck them if they crossed boundaries they'd never cross in order to entice him back. Yet there he stood, watching as two vixens eyed him hungrily and all he wanted was to finish the damn song and get the hell out of there. What the fuck was wrong with him?

I'm trying to hold it together  
Head is lighter than a feather  
Looks like I'm not getting better  
Not getting better

His eyes flicked back to Kagome unconsciously and a static charge hit his chest hard that it almost made him lose his breath.

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Irate  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
One looks so strong  
So delicate

InuYasha never realized he was watching her for the rest of the song until her last beat cast the room in silence. He blinked back into awareness as she looked up at her band mates and smiled. He tossed his golden gaze back out the window to see those same two girls wave seductively and smile lustily at him. Ignoring them easily, he turned his face back to his band, only to catch hold of Kagome's heavenly blue eyes. She looked up at him with such pride and happiness he felt a lump lodge hard in his throat. He shook his head slightly and turned away from her with a heavy frown on his face. It was impossible. There was no way it could have happened. It never happened to him before.

How the fuck did it happen?

When did he fall for her?

-+-

Kagome crossed her arms in annoyance as she waited outside the radio station. Ayame was to pick her up thirty minutes ago but the spontaneous redhead was nowhere to be found.

Checking her watch once more, Kagome picked up her cell and dialled the girl's number for the seventh time. A busy signal again beeped across her ear. Growling low in frustration, Kagome shoved the phone back in her bag before leaning heavily against the brick and glass building. What was she to do? Kouga, Sango and Miroku left as soon as the interview was over and InuYasha had disappeared soon after. She couldn't very well take a bus since she didn't know the area very well to get home, and she was worried about her safety. She had contemplated calling Kaede, but she could not ask the elder lady to give up her duties to come get her. She also thought about calling a cab, but the distance was a bit far and she hated the idea of paying so much for a ride when one was supposed to be driving her home at this very moment.

Kagome kicked her foot back against the wall in an attempt to relieve her temper, but it just resulted in a very poor chip of a brick. Sighing heavily, she lifted her phone from her bag about ready to call a cab.

A loud rumble vibrated from up the street and Kagome looked up in slight surprise as InuYasha drove in her direction on his red Harley.

The silver haired man was equally surprised to see his drummer still standing by the radio station. Didn't she go home?

He stopped his cruiser by the sidewalk in front of her. He tipped his sunglasses down and regarded her strangely. "Why are you here?"

Kagome tilted her head slightly as she examined his bike appreciatively before looking into his eyes. "Aya was supposed to pick me up, but she's late and I can't seem to reach her. It's kind of funny, she's normally very punctual." She flicked her gaze up the street from which he came and back to him. "Why are you still here?"

InuYasha cast his eyes to the road ahead of him with deep scowl on his face. "I stuck around to make sure my brother didn't forget to bring our shit back to the warehouse. It took forever to get a hold of him. Then I had to go up a few blocks to get my damn bike."

Kagome nodded slightly and looked up and down the road distractedly. "At least you can go home now. I've been waiting for over thirty minutes." She huffed and crossed her arms. "I overheard Ko talking to Ayame on his cell, telling her we just finished. So I know she didn't lose track of time. I just hope she's alright, so I can ball her out later."

InuYasha gave her a quick glance, deciding to rat his friend out. "I saw Kouga leave with Ayame about fifteen minutes ago up the road. If she was driving the fucker home, you're looking at another half hour wait."

Kagome's mouth dropped and she threw up her hands in frustration. "How could she just leave me here?"

"Keh, love has a way of fucking with the head." InuYasha smirked. "I'd say cut your losses and get another ride home."

Kagome felt her shoulders slump in defeat. "Aw, man. Doesn't Ayame know how much a cab will cost me?" She lifted her cell phone dejectedly and searched the line for available cab companies.

InuYasha watched her silently before he let out an irritated groan. "Hang up."

"What?" She eyed him in confusion.

"Hang up. I'll drive you home." He bit out ill temperedly.

Her mouth opened in slight shock and she inadvertently clicked her phone shut. "Ride home… on that?"

InuYasha frowned at her. "What's wrong with it?"

Kagome's mouth turned into a wide grin. "Oh heck, nothing. Just I've never been on a bike before and, well…. Wow. I can't believe I get to ride her!"

InuYasha eyed her coolly though he could feel his body purr in pleasure over her excitement. "Well, I owe you a ride. One good turn deserves another, right?"

Kagome shook her head, but her smile still lit up her face. "You never have to owe me anything, InuYasha. You know that."

Yeah, he did. "Well, don't just stand there. Hop on." He nodded his head to the seat behind his own.

Kagome beamed as she adjusted her backpack over her shoulders and deftly climbed on the seat behind him.

The additional weight unsettled him for a moment. He never let anyone else ride on Tetsusaiga before but for some reason he didn't gave it a second thought to allow Kagome on.

"Hold on to me." He eyed her from over his shoulder.

He clenched his jaw tight when he felt soft arms wrap around his waist and her warm body pressed closer to his. He could feel goose bumps rise up his flesh though the air was hot and muggy. How could one touch set him off like this?

Kagome closed her eyes the moment her arms folded around him. His back smelled spicy sweet from the sweat of his performance and the tepid air outside. It was heavenly. She wanted nothing more than to bury her face between his shoulders, knowing she would remember this feeling for as long as she lived. Her heart thundered hard in her chest and against his back as he revved the engine and pulled onto the street.

She would never recall the time it took to get home, or how fast he sped to get her there, but she would forever remember his smell, and the moment she realized she never wanted to let him go.

A/N: Coming Undone, sung by Korn. Man, I love their new style. Hope you like this chapter and I'm writing the next one now. We're nearing the top of the roller coaster now, be prepared for a very steep fall.

Thank you to all those you have reviewed and emailed me with encouragement, suggestions and some kick ass bands. I don't know if I'll be able to place any songs from these bands into the story, but my MP3 collection is swamped, I loved them all. Well, got to get back to the next chapter. Peace all, and joy in all you do! WDW


	15. Touched

InuYasha glared hatefully at the transit bus in front of him then to the man beside him. "Why the fuck did you book us on a bus? The damn train would have gotten us to Tokyo faster."

"Because, you ingrate, the bus terminal is near your hotel for one. Secondly, it is able to carry all of your equipment with you for security purposes. And lastly, it is phenomenally cheaper than the train." Sesshomaru watched as the rest of the band members placed their instruments in the travel bay without complaint. He shifted slightly in discomfort.

It was a muggy Wednesday night and he was standing at a noisy bus terminal in an Armani suit at quarter to midnight to make sure that Perdition got off safely to the second competition in Tokyo. He even managed to book a whole bus for the band, but leave it for his little brother to whine.

"But it's a ten hour trip!" The silver haired singer griped and crossed his arms while he watched Kagome bend over to place her duffle bag in with the equipment. A dark brow lifted slightly in interest as her round ass wiggled slightly to push the heavy bag in.

Sesshomaru pursed his lips as he watched the girl as well, an unrecognizable gleam in his eye. "Eight hours, and it is an overnight trip so it saves me for paying for your accommodations tonight."

InuYasha looked up at the dark clouded sky and groaned. Sleeping on the bus was going to be so damned uncomfortable. He hated to think about how he'd feel come tomorrow during their rehearsal. "So is that it? The reason why you can't get us there in comfort and class is because you don't want to cough up the gold?"

Sesshomaru growled. "If you want me to go over the finances that Perdition costs me in the run of a month, I'd be glad to show you. And if you want speed and style, you can very well pay for your own ticket to Tokyo. The meagre allowance the Contest Coordinator assigned for this trip barely covered a seat for each of you, so be grateful you're not sharing transportation with your competition."

InuYasha shut up quickly about it before he turned his cold eyes to glare at his older brother once more. "Yeah, well, what about you? You're not going with us? Think there's no point because we're going to fail?"

Sesshomaru seemed to tense more than usual though he gave no indication he was angry. "I will be there tomorrow afternoon for your rehearsal. I have other priorities besides watching over adolescent behaviours."

"Then you'd be missing a hell of a time." Miroku grinned as he came up to them. He faltered when he saw both brothers scowl at him and he nervously thumbed over his shoulder towards the bus. "Well, we're all packed and ready to go. I'll, ah, get on the bus now." With that, he turned and jogged back to the band in a hasty retreat.

Sesshomaru watched as the others climbed eagerly onto the bus, laughing and joking all the while. He smirked. "Your chariot awaits, little brother."

InuYasha sighed dourly as he again gave the bus the evil eye. "Fine. But I still say the train would have been better."

Sesshomaru looked at his watch in annoyance. "Shouldn't you be going?"

"Keh. Yeah, whatever." The young man walked begrudgingly to the bus and hopped on, grumbling all the while.

Sesshomaru shook his head as he watched him go. "Good luck, InuYasha." He murmured as the doors shut.

InuYasha moaned as he looked around the bus. It looked even smaller on the inside. Several rows of plush seats lined the interior and a small bathroom was built in the back.

Yeah, this was comfortable. He rolled his eyes before giving the driver a quick nod to let them know they were ready to go.

Stepping along the aisle he saw that everybody claimed their own row. Kagome settled near the middle and Sango sat across from her, while Miroku and Kouga had set up behind them. Kagome and Sango were laughing over something Kouga said while Miroku leaned over his girlfriend's seat to retort. They all seemed to be relaxed and enjoying themselves and yet he felt like the odd man out. He frowned slightly as he approached them.

Suddenly, the bus turned quickly out of the terminal and the shift made him lose his balance to stumble into Kagome's row. She quickly shifted her legs from the seats she had them rested on and smiled up at him. "Have a seat, InuYasha."

He gave her a dark glance before he stood back up in the aisle. "No."

Without a second look he stumbled to the back of the bus and collapsed in the last row, his body hidden from the rest of them.

Kagome cast her eyes questionably to Sango and Miroku, not being able to see Kouga since he sat in the row behind her.

Sango just shrugged while Miroku cast an annoyed glace to the back of the bus. He knew InuYasha was attracted to the girl, but did he still have to act so hateful towards her? He began to wonder if setting them up was a good idea, let alone possible. An awkward silence permeated around the cabin.

Miroku sighed in resolution before he looked back to Kagome and waggled his eyebrows at her chest. "One boob says to the other boob, 'we'd better find support soon or people will think we're nuts.'"

Kagome looked up at him stunned before her laughter erupted over the whole bus. Kouga snickered and shook his head before he flipped open his cell phone to call Ayame. Miroku just smirked and ducked back to his seat when Sango whipped her travel pillow at him. Sometimes being a pervert had its benefits.

They chatted idly for an hour or so before Sango grimaced and clutched her stomach.

"Fuck, I'm starved. Babes, hand over the chips in my bag, will ya?" She called through her seat to Miroku behind her.

"Oh!" Kagome sat up quickly from her makeshift bed. She tossed her coat off her legs as she searched inside her large yellow book bag on the floor beside her. "I made travel lunches for everyone. I forgot I had them."

Sango blinked at her in disbelief. "Are you serious?" She smiled widely as Kagome handed her a paper bag stuffed with various food. "Shit, girl, you didn't have to go through so much trouble."

Kagome shrugged and grinned as she handed lunch bags to Miroku and Kouga. "It's just fruit, ramen, and tempura veggies. There wasn't any work to it really. Besides, the kids helped make them. It was their way of saying good luck."

Sango beamed as she opened up the bag and sniffed. "Oh man, I so love you right now."

Kagome laughed. "And to think I didn't have to grope you to get your affections."

Miroku grinned from his seat, his mouth already filled with tempura. "Bah, you did it the easy way."

Sango just rolled her eyes and snapped her chopsticks open to eat her ramen. She hummed in pleasure when the tasty noodles hit her tongue. "I don't know, Miro, you just may have competition."

"I was about to say the same thing." Miroku said, with his mouth still full, and gave Kagome a wink.

"It's really good, Kags." Kouga grinned, dipping into his own lunch. "Thanks, babe."

Miroku and Sango lifted their chopsticks in thanks, their mouths too full to tell her with speech.

Kagome giggled and looked back into her bag to see two more lunches. Sighing softly she reached in to retrieve them and stood. Her eyes drifted to the back of the bus to see two black booted feet sticking out into the aisle. She hoped he wasn't sleeping. She really didn't want to disturb him if he wanted to be alone.

As she walked softly to the back of the bus, she was unaware as three sets of eyes watched her go with avid interest. Reaching the last row she smiled softly, relieved when she saw that InuYasha was fully awake, listening to his mp3 player and reading a biker magazine. His head was resting on his jacket against the window and his muscular body lay relaxed along the three seats he took up. He didn't seem to notice she was there, that or he didn't care.

Tapping lightly on his shoe beside her, she smiled when he bent the side of the magazine and looked up at her in slight surprise.

He pulled his earpieces from his ears and eyed her warily. "What?"

Kagome lifted a brown paper bag in front of her and flushed softly. "I brought you something to eat."

"Keh. Fuck off. I'm not hungry." He lifted the magazine back up to his face.

Kagome frowned slightly and lifted an eye when his stomach growled loudly. He responded by lifting the magazine higher, blocking her off entirely from seeing his face.

Biting off a knowing grin, she moved to the seats in front of him and sat comfortably against the window. She stretched her legs out across the chairs and easily mimicked his pose. Opening up one bag, she lifted out the container holding the ramen and sighed contentedly as its smell wafted up around her.

InuYasha was staring hard at the page in front of him, not even seeing the picture of the scantily clad woman straddling a blue cruiser. His body was still tense from seeing Kagome standing there, and he was trying everything in his power to kill the butterflies he felt in his chest and stomach.

He wasn't surprised that she came up to him. It was inevitable she would find someway to break his peace. But what had set him off was the fact she brought him food. That kind gesture was enough to double the ache he had been fighting since he realized he liked the damn girl. Even though he was hungry, he wasn't about to let her get near him. Not until he could deny these damn urges he had when she was around. All he had to do was center on how much she would fuck up his life if he ever let her get too close.

Softly, the enticing smell of ramen hit his nose and his mouth stung sharply as it watered uncontrollably. He shut his eyes as he breathed in the delicious aroma. Where was it coming from? His eyes slowly opened to gaze at the seats in front of him. He could see Kagome's form extended along them through the cracks between the chairs. The sounds of soft slurping as she ate made his stomach growl more ferociously as he realized the source of all his wants.

Grumbling loudly, he sat up quickly and tossed his magazine to the floor in a temper. He pushed angrily at one of her chairs.

"Hey! Do you have to eat that there?" He sniped.

Soft rustling was heard as she gathered all of the food and stood up into the aisle, only to for her come collapse next to him. She shoved a large paper bag in front of him, which he automatically accepted with a look of slight shock that she had the audacity to come sit next to him without his permission.

Gazing dumbly down at the bag in his hand, he immediately glowered and thrust it back at her. "I don't want…."

"Take it." Her soft voice simply stated, not bothering to look at him as she ate the rest of her ramen.

InuYasha seethed inwardly at being told what to do as he glared hard at the bag in his hand. He was about to argue before her soft sigh tingled across his hearing. He lifted his golden eyes to meet her softly smiling face and he frowned sourly as the butterflies tripled in his stomach.

"Take it, it's yours." She said and pointed to the bag with her chopsticks. "See, it has your name on it."

InuYasha looked down at the side of bag and could see the crayoned kanji of his name. Cute. Rolling his eyes in irritation, he tossed the bag in the seat by the window and glowered at the back of the chair in front of him, crossing his arms in a huff. Why did she have to be so damn thoughtful all the time?

"If you don't want it, I could give it to the driver. He might be hungry." Kagome stated simply.

InuYasha clenched his jaw hard as an overwhelming possessiveness overcame him. There was no way in hell he was giving anything to anybody, especially since _she_ gave the lunch to _him_. But he wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of eating it there in front of her. Before he had the chance to tell her to leave him alone, the scent of ramen hit him doubly as she ate contentedly beside him.

Gazing at the delicious dish from the corner of his eye, he slowly reached for his own bag beside him and opened it. His brow lifted slightly at the assortment of food she had prepared and he reached in for his own container of ramen. He may have resented the fact she did all this, but he wasn't about to let good food go to waste. Especially since he hadn't eaten this good in a long time.

InuYasha practically inhaled the ramen, never having the noodle dish taste so delicious. It was his favourite meal, namely because it was the best thing he could make. Fuck, it was the only thing he could make. But the dish in front of him had him drinking back the bowl within seconds.

A soft chuckle whispered beside him and he looked at the raven-haired girl from the corner of his eye, unable to look at her fully since the container was lifted over his mouth and nose as he sucked at the remaining noodles and broth.

Swallowing the remnants of his ramen, he tossed the container into the bag and brought out the tempura. "What's so funny?"

"You." Kagome smiled. "That's the fastest I've ever seen anyone eat my cooking. The only other person who loves my ramen that much is Shippou."

'Shippou?' Jealousy surged deep to the core before the name registered. 'Oh, right. One of the brats she took care of at the orphanage.' He frowned deeply that she compared him to a damn kid but it faded when she handed him a bottle of water.

"Here. Sorry it's a bit warm." She grinned sheepishly.

He sighed in defeat as he took the water and put it between his legs to hold onto. His stomach twisted slightly as he again gazed down at the bag in front of him. She went out her way to do all this for him, for all of them, since he knew she probably had given lunches to the entire band. Her selflessness was unparalleled and it amazed him how she did this endlessly. How was it possible for one person to be so good?

"Why do act this way?" He stated unconsciously as he bit into a piece of tempura.

"Act what way?" Her blue eyes gazed over at him intently, giving him all of her attention. He liked that about her too. He liked the fact that no matter what someone had to say to her, she gave that person her undivided attention, as if they were the most important person to her at that time.

He frowned darkly as he chewed, thinking about the girl's actions since he had met her. His temper flared as his resentment rose up. "Always so damn perfect. You know, nice and shit all the fucking time. Why do you do it?"

Kagome looked confused, her head tilted prettily as she watched him eat. "Why does anyone act in any way? I do what I do because I want to."

He flicked his eyes up at her then back down to his tempura. Growling angrily he dropped the remainder of his food into the bag and tossed the bag to the seat beside him. His amber eyes glared crossly at her innocent expression. "There has to be a fucking reason. Don't you ever get angry, or sad or anything? Why are you fucking good and happy all the damn time?"

Kagome's eyes drifted down to the floor and her expression grew distant. She hesitantly smiled in thought. "I never thought of myself as being good, or happy. I just behave the way that feels right. There is a time for every emotion." She looked up at him, her eyes soft and gentle. "I guess when it comes down to it, I ask myself, 'what does this time call for?' Do I mourn, give up, or be silent? Or do I rejoice, love and fight for a new day? You just happen to catch me on days where I decide that the time calls for me to smile."

InuYasha shook his head. "Emotions don't work that way. If something pisses you off, you get angry, if something makes you laugh, you smile. You can't just control how you feel." He fell silent then, realizing that's exactly what he was trying to do since he met her. He crossed his arms and glared over at the blackness outside his window.

"You're right." Kagome said softly.

InuYasha slowly drifted his gaze back at her, unnerved that she just contradicted herself.

She smiled slightly. "Emotions are impulsive, wonderful things. But they do not need to control how we act. Humans are the only ones that fight their emotions. We strive to conquer our fears, grow from our injustices and understand our own limits. We learn from our mistakes because of the emotions we feel, and from it learn how to control those emotions." She shrugged. "I just learned that being the way I am makes things a lot easier."

InuYasha sighed as he leaned heavily against the back of his chair. "Doesn't it make you tired? Being like this all the time? How can you say it's easy?"

Kagome looked down. "I said it makes things a lot easier." She looked up at him with deep fathomless eyes. "I never said it was easy."

He searched her eyes, his own becoming contemplative as he tried to comprehend her meaning. "Then why do you do it?"

A hint of sad smile filtered across her face and she looked away. "Because I have to." She sighed as she gathered up her garbage and stood. She smiled softly down at him. "Goodnight, InuYasha."

He watched dumbly as she moved back to the middle of the bus and disappeared behind her seats. What did she mean she had to? No one had to do anything if they didn't want to. So why did she feel like she had to be the way she was all the time?

It makes things a lot easier, but not necessarily easy.

He frowned. If that were true, then who was it easier for?

He tossed the used lunch bag on the floor and lay back down on the chairs. Staring up at the beige ceiling distractedly, he pondered her words. She was so naturally easy going, relaxed and kind. It was hard to think she could be anything else, and yet she stated she made it a choice to be that way. But if not for herself, then who?

He scowled slightly as he heard his friends talk softly to one another, laughing quietly, and being content. It still made him jealous that they grew so close and easygoing. He had never seen them act that way until _she_ showed up.

Then it dawned on him.

That was the reason why she was the way she was. She did it for them, not just his band, but for all those around her. She smiled when things looked dark, she laughed when times were stagnant, and she did it all for what?

'Hope.' A voice inside him whispered. He shook his head swiftly, trying to fight it, but it couldn't be denied. She gave them hope that no matter how bad the day seemed, it would get better.

And that was why he resented her so much. He had no need of hope and faith and all that other bullshit. Life dealt him a shitty blow, and it would always give him the shitty blow. Her making them think things would get better was a wasted effort. When times got tough, hope wasn't going to fix it. You fought tooth and nail until you rose above it, even if you had to sacrifice your soul to get through. That's what made you stronger, by destroying what made you weak. Hope was made up by the weak and worthless, and it wasn't worth a damn.

He closed his eyes; grimacing at the chills the idea gave him. She was a good kid, but her method was flawed. Being a loving, hopeful person didn't mean that one day the whole world would change. Things didn't work that way. The world would continue moving forward, trying to better the next person in its pursuit to be won. And he would be one of those who would win.

But for some reason, the very thought made him feel hollow and heavy as he fell into a restless sleep.

-+-

Kagome yawned heavily as she stepped out of the dressing room she shared with the various women who were competing in the second battle. It was a bit unnerving seeing them all, and even more upsetting the behaviour some of these girls had. She was sure Sango was going to punch some punk girl in the face before she realized the time and managed to drag her friend out of the dressing room.

"Why didn't you let me hit her? She can't sing with a broken jaw." Sango fumed as she eyed the dressing room door hatefully.

Kagome just shook her head and sighed. They were again dressed in their trademark leather ensemble and dark make up, with good cause. It gave her an excuse to hide the dark circles she had under her eyes. Man, she was tired. The bus was bumpy, cramped and stuffy, and it was a bad night's sleep all around. They got into Tokyo at seven that morning, stopped over to the stadium to drop off their equipment by nine and crawled into their hotel rooms at eleven. It only gave them three hours to grab a quick catnap and book it back over to the stadium for their rehearsal at four.

"That bitch better learn to watch her mouth or some lucky person will bash her face in." Sango growled, breaking Kagome from her tired state.

"Just because she was a witch doesn't mean you need to be, San. Besides, you'd hurt your hand and where will that leave us?" Kagome smiled slightly as they walked up to the stadium's theatre.

Sango smirked. "Yeah. I would have hit her hard enough to do that, too."

"Trouble in paradise, my love?" Miroku appeared beside them, casting a loving arm around his girlfriend. He was dressed in a dark tank top and cargo pants, and his hair was teased wildly. Kagome could never get enough of how great the guys looked in those clothes.

"Nothing that I can't handle." Sango lifted her head proudly. "Just a punk ass bitch thinking she's all that. I'd just thought I'd tell her different."

"Glad you didn't though." Kouga walked up beside Kagome, donned in the same clothing as Miroku. "It would have been a bad idea to start a fight in the dressing room so close to the rehearsal."

Kagome looked up at him proudly. "That's right! I was worried she'd get hurt, let alone get us kicked out of the competition."

"Pfft." Kouga grinned. "I was just worried I'd miss the damn thing."

"Ko!" Kagome's mouth dropped.

"What?" He looked down at her questionably, though a bright twinkle echoed in his eye. "Every guy knows that when chicks fight it means that they are bound to kiss along the line. I wasn't about to miss that!"

"It's true." Miroku nodded his head knowingly. "The potential for lesbian love should never be without male supervision."

Sango slapped his arm. "Miro!"

"Ow!" He laughed. "What did I say?"

Sango fought off a laugh. "One, to think a fight will end up with me fucking that bitch, and two, that you had no regard for my safety!"

Miroku shrugged and grabbed her close to him. "Your safety wouldn't even come into question, my darling. I know you would have kicked her ass." He kissed the top of her head lovingly.

"Oh, Miro." Sango sighed happily into his chest.

Kagome lifted a brow at the display and looked up at Kouga as if to ask if they were for real. He just rolled his eyes.

Shaking her head, she let out a soft chuckle and looked around. "Where's InuYasha?"

Miroku eyed Kouga disapprovingly and quickly let go of Sango. "He got tied up, but he'll be here in a few."

Sango looked up at Miroku knowingly before a dark frown pursed her lips. She gazed angrily out at the stage as the crew set up their instruments. "I can't believe that fucking jackass would dare to come out here like that."

"Like what?" Kagome looked out at the stage, wondering what she was talking about.

Sango faltered slightly as she looked at Kouga and then at Miroku, struggling to find something to say. The last thing she wanted was for Kagome to know that InuYasha was getting himself high before their rehearsal.

"I believe she may be referring to me." A smooth voice filtered over the stage.

Kagome cast her eyes over at their manager as he walked down the aisle of the stadium towards them. She smiled brightly. "Sesshomaru! You made it."

"Indeed." Sesshomaru smiled slightly back at her. "I do have an investment to look after."

Kagome took in his khaki pants and black polo shirt. His long silver hair cascaded freely down his back and his light golden eyes seemed bright as he regarded the set. It was the first time she'd seen him dress casual and she liked how he looked. She shook herself from her reverie. "How's Rin? Did you bring her?"

He shook his head. "No. She is at home with a cold. My assistant, Jaken, is caring for her while I am here."

Kagome frowned slightly in sympathy. "Oh. I hope she feels better. I wanted to meet her."

"You shall." He flicked his eyes quickly around the stunned band that were watching them mutely before landing them softly on Kagome. "We will be attending your party on Saturday after all."

"That's right." She smiled prettily. "So you're definitely coming?"

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed behind her suddenly and he smirked. "It's a date."

A low growl emitted behind her and Kagome turned around to see InuYasha eyeing her darkly. Her blue eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. He was dressed completely in black, his cargo pants and tank looking immaculate against his pristine white hair. But what set her on edge were his eyes. His pupils were in pinpricks and gold took over before it was cast into red around the edges. His hair hung in ragged strands around his face and chest, and his bangs hung low over his brow. She thought he looked ready to kill before he turned his face furiously away and actively ignored her.

Kagome looked back at Sesshomaru but he was already instructing the crew on stage where to position the equipment. His voice was harsh and to the point as he went, and Kagome could easily see he was angry over something. Casting her eyes back at her band, she saw that they were already positioning themselves on the stage, looking very somber.

She sighed and moved reluctantly to the drums being set up in the back of the stage. She smiled softly at the men positioning her drums and pointed to where she wanted them put, chatting quietly with them as they worked. All the while, she could sense a dark presence burrowing into her back and was hesitant to look behind her. Reluctantly, she turned slightly to the front of the stage only to be caught in the heated gaze of InuYasha before he turned away dismissively. She bit her lower lip nervously. Nothing about him felt right. He seemed to be on edge and moved with a bitter fury across the stage. She wondered what had made him so angry to behave this way, and why everyone else had automatically fed off of this to become so unnerved.

Making sure the drums were in the proper place, she stepped over to InuYasha as he adjusted the mike stand in front of him. His back was tense and he moved with jerky motions, displaying the negative mood he was in. She cast her eyes over to the rest of the band, but they were busy with their own things, not really paying attention to anything else. Turning back to the frigid man before her, she let out a nervous breath and spoke.

"InuYasha?"

He stopped in mid-motion and turned his distain filled eyes upon her. He never bothered to speak as he raked in her body and scowled.

She almost felt like turning back around, but if something was bothering him, she wanted to help fix it. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He bit out. "Now, fuck off." He turned his back on her, signalling he was done with whatever she wanted to say.

Kagome stepped back slightly and cast her gaze to the floor. "Okay. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." She turned and headed back to the drums; oblivious to the dark knowing glances her band mates were giving the singer.

InuYasha grit his teeth so hard he could feel the blood pressure in his head throb. The nerve of that fucking girl to ask if he was alright. This after hearing she had a bloody date with his brother on Saturday night. What about the other fucker she was supposed to meet, the one Kouga was setting her up with? Could it be that it was Sesshomaru all along, or was she being pimped out? His heart trembled violently from the uncontrollable rage he felt, making his head feel light headed.

He stepped back slightly and breathed in deep, trying to fight the wooziness he felt. Fuck, he shouldn't have trusted that punk in the dressing room. Some fucking skater boy discretely offered some crack to ease people's nerves and he was stupid enough to take it without a hitch. He hadn't done anything serious in a few weeks, not since the fight he had with Kagome. He cringed slightly at the memory of seeing her flat out on the concrete after he pushed her. She never once mentioned it, but he could still feel the massive pang of guilt whenever he remembered it.

He swayed a little, feeling the dizziness swish through his body and a dull ringing echoed in his ears. Whatever that fucker gave him it was not clean. He knew his system was being fucked royally by whatever was circulating in him. He shut his eyes trying to fight off the effects.

He groaned slightly as a headache began to form. His eyes opened slightly and he could just make out Kagome sitting at the drums, listening intently as his asshole of a brother gave her pointers. He seethed as he watched them act so friendly and cheerful together. The stoic god and the perfect angel, sitting on their little cloud of security and purity, never to be touched by the likes of him.

Kagome turned then to look into his eyes, and deep concern was etched on her face as she gazed at him. He turned hatefully away.

She asked if he was okay. Hell no, he wasn't okay. He was pissed. What right did she have to see people? If he couldn't be with her, why should anyone else be given a chance? No one would be able to anyways. Angels don't date. They flap around and laugh at his mistakes and watch idly as he fucked up another chapter in his life. That's all she did, that's all she was there for. To watch him fuck up time and time again, and he was fucking up more and more ever since he met her.

His buzzing mind washed all sense from him and he closed his eyes painfully at the torment his thoughts were bringing him. Ever since she came into his life, he had been fighting her, trying to push her away, trying to mould her into something he would forever loath. But all she did was watch from her high pedestal, smiling down at him while he tried desperately to grab her to pull her down.

Fall down. Damn it, why the fuck won't she fall?

He wiped the sweat forming on his brow as his thoughts became jumbled and matted.

She was an untouchable, and from the moment he saw her he wanted to beat her down. If he could get her to fall, he would finally be able to touch her. She would no longer be so far from his reach. He could finally hold her, kiss her, and be with her for as long as he wanted.

But she would never fall. He gave up trying to break her, knowing she would lose her light in her decent. Her light was the only thing that gave him warmth in his dungeon. Instead he resigned himself to just watch her, like a prisoner following a sparrow from behind his iron bars. He craved her freedom and life, knowing he would never be blessed to share it.

Her laughter behind him caused a massive ache in his chest in yearning and betrayal. She could never be with him. She was too high up there with his goddamn brother. He didn't want her. He needed her. But he couldn't have her because she was surreal.

Savage heartbreak numbed his already cold core. He didn't need her; he didn't need any of them. He grimaced in pain as the ringing in his ears tripled and his thoughts roared through his heart like a freight train.

Listen to her smile, he thought, feel her warmth and light before it passed by him without notice or care. She wouldn't see that he was locked in a dark crevice reaching out for her. Instead he felt their scorn and distain. Fuck them. Let them laugh at him as he bled out his life. He didn't need them, he didn't want them, and he never would.

"InuYasha."

He blinked heavily as he gazed blurrily over at Miroku.

His friend frowned. "Wake up, man, we're ready to go."

InuYasha turned dumbly back towards his mike and gazed out at the stadium. Ready to go? Where? He couldn't get anywhere without _her _anyways. What was worth trying for, when all he had was nothing? He shook his head, trying to clear the muffled thoughts that would not stop pounding in his head. Nothing was making sense and he just wanted to lie down and die.

"InuYasha?" Miroku stepped over beside him.

"So self righteous." InuYasha mumbled, and choked on a dry laugh before he gave Miroku a snide leer. "How about a little Chinese take out to get the edge off?"

Miroku sighed dejectedly at his friend. InuYasha was fucked out of his head more than he needed to be and he hoped no one would catch on that their singer was high. Turning to the band he nodded. "Chop Suey."

Kagome glanced over at InuYasha, her blue eyes filled with anxious worry. InuYasha rarely sang that song, and she wasn't sure what was motivating him to do so now. This song was one of the few songs he forced himself to sing, and he only sang it when he wanted to torture himself for reasons she never knew. She just hoped whatever it was would be worth the resentment he harboured after the song was done.

Leaning his head against the mike, InuYasha sighed heavily. He cast his hand behind him heavily, signalling Kouga and Miroku to begin playing. They reluctantly strummed behind him, looking at each other with knowing frowns.

Kagome started playing quickly after, her eyes never leaving InuYasha's frame as he stood and stared numbly out at the stadium. She was glad the place was mostly empty and only the crew and stage people remained to set up for the competition tomorrow night. She knew it would not be good for anyone to see the state he was in.

Soon the music got heated and she watched as InuYasha stood up tall and proud, backing up from the mike, and glared hard into the darkness. No matter what was inside him, he knew how to perform, and he did it with reckless abandon. He fisted his hand before him as if beating his words to an invisible person.

Wake up, (Wake up)  
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,  
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up  
Hide the scars to fade away the,  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
Here you go create another fable

You wanted to,  
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,  
You wanted to,  
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up,  
You wanted to,  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,  
You wanted to,

InuYasha stepped lovingly up to the mike and cast his golden eyes innocently out at no one in particular in the stadium.

I don't think you trust,  
In my self righteous suicide,  
I cry when angels deserve to

Die

His voice screamed out over the auditorium, echoing over the empty seats and sending a chill through Kagome's body. She hated it when he sang this song. It was like he was singing his pain, and she could do nothing about it as he bled out the lyrics. Instead she beat her heart behind him, letting his voice control the tempo.

Wake up,  
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup  
Grab a brush and put a little,  
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up  
Hide the scars to fade away the,  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
Here you go create another fable

You wanted to,  
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,  
You wanted to,  
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up,  
You wanted to,  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,  
You wanted to,

He sidled closer to the mike, stroking the stand tenderly. His eyes were cast down as he sang, before his head turned slightly and Kagome could see the expression on his face. It was the same cold indifference he had perfected long ago in a time she wished she were there to save him.

Well, I don't think you trust,  
In my self righteous suicide,  
I cry when angels deserve to die  
In my self righteous suicide

I cry when angels deserve to die

He turned back to the mike and lifted his head high, shutting his eyes as if in torment and fisting his hands to his sides.

Father, Father, Father, Father,  
Father, into your hands I commend my spirit,  
Father, into your hands,

He slowly lifted his arms high beside him, as if in dire prayer, and Kagome choked on the pain she felt in her chest. His voice cried out for help, and yet he would never accept it.

Why have you forsaken me,  
In your eyes forsaken me,  
In your thoughts forsaken me,  
In your heart forsaken, me oh,

He crossed his arms over his chest, and sang hard, his eyes still shut and his head still lifted to the sky, as if begging for something to give him any release.

Trust in my self righteous suicide,  
I cry, when angels deserve to die,

His dark eyes suddenly cast over to Kagome in tired grief as he sang the words straight at her.

In my self righteous suicide,  
I cry, when angels deserve to die.

Kagome felt her heart almost shatter at the hurt expression on his face before he pressed his hand to his forehead with a pained look and ran from the stage. She glanced quickly at her friends who seemed at as much a loss as she was before she stood to follow, but hesitated as a booming voice echoed over the sound system.

"Taisho! We're not done the set up for Perdition yet." A surly man called down from the sound booth.

Sesshomaru just lifted his hand in acknowledgement from the front row seats before hopping deftly on the stage. His amber eyes flicked over at Kagome. "Go get him."

"But…." Sango moved quickly from the keyboards to protest.

Sesshomaru glared coldly over at Sango. "You are needed here. Kagome will take care of it."

Sango looked nervously over at Kagome and reluctantly nodded her head. Miroku and Kouga watched on in discomfort.

Kagome cast one last look at Sesshomaru before she trailed after InuYasha.

She made it to the passageway leading to the dressing rooms, unsure where to go from there. Did he go back to get changed? Did he leave?

Three guys came laughing out of the bathroom all wearing loose jeans and jerseys. Various metal ornaments swung from parts of their bodies as they headed towards the exit to go for a smoke.

"Man, that shit you gave him fucked him good." A lanky guy stated, nudging his friend beside him.

"Heh. Yeah, the dude just snorted it without even thinking, man. I'm surprised he even made it in there." The shortest of the three laughed.

"Fuck, I've never seen a man throw up so much." The third snickered. "I hope he didn't get his pretty white hair dirty."

All three busted laughing as they headed outdoors.

Kagome's eyes widened as she rushed towards the men's bathroom. The smell of bile assaulted her senses as she pushed the door open. Casting her gaze around the public bathroom, she was unnerved to find the place empty. Stepping into the room, she tilted her head to gaze under the stalls. Her heart flipped when she saw InuYasha's legs sprawled out underneath the middle stall.

Swiftly and silently she locked the door behind her. She knew he wouldn't want anyone to come in and see him like this. Cringing at the smell, she held her breath as she moved towards the stall where the singer sat prone and deathly quiet. She bit her lip in fear at the sight of him.

His face was deathly pale and his eyes were hidden behind thin red stained lids. Sweat trickled down his face and his breathing was heavy. His body lay limp against the blue wall of the small stall and she thought for sure he was unconscious. Kagome had to fist her hands hard to keep herself from running over to him and holding him tightly. Instead, she moved to stand by the doorway of the stall, inadvertently casting her shadow over him.

Slowly, InuYasha's eyes opened and he looked up at her. He shut them again in pained denial. "Fuck, why are you here?" He rasped.

Shaking her head sadly, Kagome walked away. InuYasha felt his body shudder from the loss. He didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't want her to know what he did to make him get sick. And most of all he didn't want her to pity him for being so damned weak. He would have been thankful that she had left but a pitiful whimper left his lips when he thought she had.

Suddenly, Kagome was standing next to him once again. She leaned over his body and flushed the toilet, ridding the waste his body had expelled. She then knelt down beside him.

"Here." She said softly, handing him a bottle of water.

He took it gratefully though his hand was weak and shook as he gripped the bottle. He gargled a few times and spit in the toilet to rid the sour taste in his mouth before swallowing a few gulps in dry thirst. He sighed miserably before he felt a cool damp cloth settle over his brow.

InuYasha looked up at her serious face in wary confusion. "Why…?"

Her blue eyes shifted from the cloth on his forehead to his pale yellow eyes. "Shh." She hushed. "Shut your eyes and follow my voice."

He automatically closed his eyes and listened to her speak softly next to him as she wiped the cold sweat from his face.

"Breathe soft, breathe slow." She murmured. "Let your mind see darkness as you imagine your toes. Relax them and work your way up. Relax your legs and your thighs. Relax your hips and waist and chest. Slowly now, do it in breaths. Work all the way up to your head."

He slowly felt his body shiver as he tried to ease his strained muscles. Everything felt like it was being pulled and it hurt to relax them. Suddenly he felt cool fingers stroke his thumb and the back of his hand in gentle and rhythmic sweeps. His mind found it so easy to center on the feeling of her touch that his body soon relaxed without him really being aware of it.

His mouth opened again as he whispered. "Why?"

Her voice was soft as she spoke to him. It held no pity, revulsion or anger. It was just sweet, loving and gentle. "Because it's what people do."

"Hmn?" He frowned in confusion.

"Shh." She whispered, and wiped his brow with the cool cloth, easing away the lines.

He shook his head slightly. "What do people do?" He asked in a pale voice and opened his eyes to look at her tiredly.

She smiled softly as she looked deep into his golden gaze. "We help each other." She murmured.

InuYasha shut his eyes and grimaced. He lifted a shaky arm to brush his bangs from his face. "People don't do that. Only you do. What do you get out of it?" He opened his eyes to look at her in annoyance. "Don't tell me you have to because that's bullshit. You don't have to do shit all for anyone."

Kagome sighed and searched his face lightly. "Would you have felt better if I never came in?"

He turned his eyes away quickly. He was hesitant to answer before he sighed despondently. "I'm just saying you didn't need to. I'm sure there are more important things you could be doing than cleaning me up."

"InuYasha…."

He frowned and pulled his eyes back up to hers only to become lost in the sad tenderness they held.

"What kind of person would I be if I let someone I care about suffer?"

His eyes widened slightly. Care about? She cared for him? Yeah, well, who didn't she care about?

He looked down dejectedly. "I don't need you to pity me."

Her soft hand caressed his face as she turned his attention back up to her. She brushed his bangs tenderly from his eyes and looked down at him in serenity. "You will never have to be pitied. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, InuYasha."

He shook his head spitefully, gazing over to the wall of the stall in front of him. "I'm not now."

Kagome sighed. "It can't be helped you took a bad hit."

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at her in shock. "I never…."

"InuYasha, why does everyone think they need to protect me from the truth?" She frowned and gazed at the wall he was staring at. "I may not know how or why, but I know what and when. I know that you're into drugs." She looked over at him sadly. "But I never knew they could do this to you."

He shut his mouth solemnly and avoided looking at her. "Keh. It's nothing."

"If this is nothing, then I hope you never deal with it being something." She gazed at him with a gentle smile. "But if you do, I'll be there to make sure you aren't alone."

He slowly turned his face to look at her in slight awe. "So, you're not telling me to quit or smarten up?" He smirked harshly despite the sudden warmth he felt for her. "Doesn't God hate druggies and pot smokers?"

"Great thing about love is," Kagome grinned, "it can never hate. I don't know who or what you think God is, InuYasha, but if you think it's something that can forsake you when you need it most, then it isn't God. Whatever it is, it's there for you during your weakest times, and it's there to share when you are strong. But no matter how strong you can become, by any means, there will always be something or someone to watch over you as you go, and catch you if you fall."

The smirk slowly faded from his face as he gazed down to her tender lips. "Someone?" He husked softly.

She nodded. Her frail lips moved fluidly. "Yes."

InuYasha held his breath for a moment as his mind tried to quell the hope he was feeling. The last thing he wanted was to feel this way, but in his weakened state, all he wanted at that moment was for her to make him feel better, to make him forget all the shit he had gone through. All he wanted to know right then, was for the one person who would watch over him be…. "You?"

Kagome's blue eyes grew deeper and more sincere, if it were at all possible, as she searched his face intently. She leaned closer to him and whispered honestly. "Always."

Her breath washed warmly over his chilled face, making him shiver in comfort and anticipation. He watched as her sweet mouth moved like a zephyr wind towards him, like clear silk.

InuYasha slowly shut his eyes and awaited her kiss, but instead of his lips, her soft mouth pressed lovingly on his forehead. Yet he did not feel disappointed. His body trembled at the sensuous touch, never having remembered such tranquility and contentment in one subtle caress. Her soft scent enveloped him, smelling subtly sweet and fresh, calming him into deep comfort.

InuYasha could not contain the pained moan that escaped his lips as his body felt her pull away from the kiss, missing the contact already.

His sunset eyes opened to look up at her, and automatically his body hummed with warm electricity. Her presence made him feel light, and no words could be spoken to describe it. She watched him silently and he smirked tiredly, feeling the need to break the silence with humour.

"I feel like shit."

"I know." Kagome giggled. "They don't call it a crash for nothing."

He shut his eyes miserably as he rubbed his stomach. "I'm never doing this again."

"Maybe not." She stroked his hand back and forth, running her fingers over his own, paying close attention to the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger. "Feel better?"

He nodded. "How did you learn to do that?"

"I've been caring for countless kids for years, you think this is the first time I've dealt with a tummy ache?"

InuYasha opened his eyes a crack to look at her wryly. "I wish it was just a tummy ache." He eyed her silently for a few moments before looking down. His face contorted into a deep frown and his shoulders slumped. "I've never been good to you, yet you still treat me like a friend." He murmured. "And… I'm sorry."

Kagome looked at him stunned. "What for?"

He sighed deeply and shrugged. "Everything."

Kagome chuckled. "Consider it forgotten."

He shook his head. "No." He looked up at her, his eyes filled with remorse. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry for pushing you… that time in the parking lot. I never meant to…."

She smiled kindly down at him. "I know. I wasn't hurt. I'm okay. And I want you to be okay too, alright?"

He nodded slightly, though his lips held the frown. He shifted uneasily, unsure how to apologize for everything he had done to her. But just like Kagome, there never was a need.

"Want me to take you back to the hotel?" She eyed him in concern.

"Can't." He grimaced as he tried to move. "We have to finish the set up."

Kagome shrugged. "They can handle it fine without you. It's not like you're doing anything strenuous like Lord of the Dance. Though it'd be pretty cool to see your legs flailing around as if they were detached from your body."

InuYasha snorted a dry laugh as he let his lips form into a soft smirk. "Get me enough pot and I just might."

Kagome giggled and stood. "Well, now I know why they call it dope, Dope."

He lifted his head to look up at her. "I'll never stop being amazed about how you see things. Nothing will ever bring you down, will it?"

She shook her head slightly and shrugged. "Everyday is a hidden door. Sometimes you have to imagine light shining through the cracks in order to be able to open it." She held her hand out to help him to stand.

He accepted it slowly, revelling in the soft feel of it and how small it felt in his own. Yet the strength it held as she lifted him up shocked him. He flicked his sweat-stained hair over his shoulder and groaned as he tried to gain back his equilibrium. He stumbled out from the stall and over to the sink to wash his face and hands.

Kagome waited patiently by the door and watched him. She was relieved the hit only made him sick. She knew how bad it could have been, having witnessed it many times from the children who have been released into rehab. She also knew she could not ask InuYasha to give up that lifestyle. The choice always began with the individual. It never helped when a second party forced the change. Healing began with him, and he had to decide when he wanted to let go of the past to embrace his future. The only thing she could do was encourage the part of him that wanted it. She leaned heavily on the wall by the door as she waited for him to finish.

InuYasha splashed cold water repeatedly on his face, trying to revive his senses. He still felt horrible, but at least he could finally put some logic in his thoughts. Man, he was never doing crack again. At least never taking it from a punk with a fake Rolex. What the hell was going on in his head? Not just the fact that he took the shit without any thought but the fact that he lost control. He lost the indifference he always held and let his jealousy claim him when he saw his brother flirt with Kagome. He knew it was most likely because of the drug, but he never felt this way before. Never did he admit his feelings, specifically because he never had those feelings before. Whenever he did drugs it was to feel something, anything, except the pain he felt. Instead they just made him numb, so much that he soon took them so he'd feel nothing at all.

But today broke that. He felt something, and he felt it with more intensity than he ever felt before. And sadly enough, he still felt it, even though the drug was slowly leaving his system.

He knew exactly what it was he was feeling. Jealousy and hurt. He didn't want Kagome to have another. He wanted her for himself. Yet even in his delusional state he knew he couldn't have her. He fed off of his fury and sang the one song that harboured more resentment in him than anything else. He most likely moved like a drunken man across the stage and he was shocked no one called him on it, though he guessed his brother and friends knew he was wasted. Instead of facing the music, he ran like a weak child to throw up his lunch, being laughed at all the while by the shitface that gave him the bad hit to begin with. He embarrassed himself and his band by his behaviour and he didn't know how to face them after this.

And then she came, like a twisted dream only he could have. He made a fool of himself and hated the fact she saw it. More importantly, he couldn't believe he just sat there and let her clean him up after treating her so horribly since the day they met. He felt like an idiot and a reject. There was no way she could ever want to be with him now, even if he did clean up his act.

Looking up at the mirror at his gaunt face, InuYasha was stunned to realize how sick he really was. His face was pale and he could see the green tracks of his veins beneath the skin. His eyes were red and blotchy not to mention his hair stringy and damp from perspiration. His body slumped in revulsion. How could she possibly want this? Why did he torture himself so much over something that was fucking him up more and more? For years his friends and brother had been ragging his case to get himself cleaned up, but he just told them to fuck off. It was his life, and he did what he wanted with it. No one could tell him how to act or where to go. It was his life and his rules. But looking at his face now, he realized it wasn't so much his life anymore. It was his nightmare. When did he let it get this bad? How did it start out with one joint and end up with remorse? How the hell could he get out of this?

Everyday to him was an empty promise, dark and dank as his very soul. There was no imagining a better moment and there was no hope that there was light behind the darkness. People like Kagome would never understand that. How could she? She had never known a past like his. She was always loved and given everything she could hope for. It was easy for her to spout clichés of silver linings and darkest before the dawns. She had never seen the blackness of the human soul.

How perfectly lovely for her. He glowered internally. Instead she would cast on her holy wings and golden halo to watch over him as he delved deeper into the darkness, because she would never know the truth as he saw it. There were no glory days. It was just pain and doubt, living for the sake of living. And he could not live on fruitless hope that there would be something wonderful out there for him. There was no hope. If only there was hope. If he could only hope….

He hung his head and murmured in defeat, breaking the silence that permeated in the men's bathroom. "What happens when there is no light at the end of the day?"

"Well." Kagome stated softly as she handed him a paper towel to dry his face. "Then there is only one thing you can do."

"Oh?" He wiped his face quickly and tossed the used towel in the trash beside the door before casting dull eyes upon her. "And what's that?"

Kagome looked up at him, her heavenly blue eyes delving deep in places inside him he never knew he had. "When you think you can't handle it, when everything feels like it will fail and you have nothing left to go on, believe. Believe that it is just a matter of getting through the toughest part of the day." She held out her hand. "And knowing you are never alone."

InuYasha lowered his eyes to her hand before he shook his head desolately. He reached his hand out and unlocked the door. "Seeing is a matter of believing." He flicked his tired eyes over at her before he opened the door. "It's a miracle that anyone made it this far."

He walked out without a second glance, not seeing the hidden smile of the woman who followed after.

Miracles happen everyday.

-+-

A/N: Chop Suey, performed by System of a Down. Whew, what a long chapter. I know, InuYasha's being a self loathing pain again, but healing doesn't come so easily. All good things come with time. Don't fret; he will get what he deserves soon enough, stay tuned to the next chapter.

Thank you to all those who have reviewed and all those who have read up to this point. I hope you continue to read and become caught up in this story as much as I have. And thank you to InuYashaloverr who made me laugh at the idea of Lord of the Dance. Love and peace to all of you. WDW.

I updated this chapter because I wrote it in haste before and just wanted to check over where I left off. I'm working on the next chapter now and I'm sorry I never posted in a long while. I just moved into a new province, new house, new job, and being without a computer and internet for a month sucks. But thanks to all who kept in touch and kept the faith for me to continue this story. I love you all.


	16. Shadow

Kagome followed after InuYasha from the men's bathroom towards the stage area. They never spoke along the way and Kagome didn't bother to convince him to go back to the hotel. She knew he placed the band above his health and he was not about to desert them over his sudden sickness. She wondered if he was silently torturing himself for whatever reason. Deep down she felt this was exactly what he was doing.

She bit her lower lip while searching his tall frame, fighting the urge to ask him why he was pushing himself. But it would do no good to ask him. He fought back at any one who asked him of his actions. He always took it as a personal attack, and the last thing she would do was have him look at her as the enemy. If she was to help him, she had to remain on the sidelines.

She stopped short when InuYasha halted at the edge of the stairs that led to the stage. Cocking her head up towards the theatre she could hear the sound crew and Sesshomaru through the thick black curtains, as well as the odd word from their band. Her eyes drifted back to InuYasha in sad realization. He seemed uncomfortable at going up, no doubt wondering if someone would ask him questions he rather not answer. She softly moved to stand beside him and looked up towards the stage once more.

"You know your friends." She stated quietly. "And they know you. Nothing needs to be said that you don't want to say."

InuYasha flicked his guarded eyes down at her briefly before looking back up at the stage. With deft strides he jogged up the stairs without indication, leaving Kagome to slowly follow after. Silently, she moved along the back of the stage, not noticed by the crew as they continued on with what they were doing. No one seemed to care that they were back and no one questioned where they went. Sometimes feigning ignorance has its benefits, Kagome thought as she sat back at the drums.

She numbly listened as Sesshomaru barked orders and instructions to the crew, yet all the while she studied the singer as he nodded his head to the stage manager. He still looked terribly sick but he held it in stride as they finished their preparations for tomorrow's competition. He seemed at better ease at the fact that no one mentioned his absence, or his pale appearance. In fact, other than the manager, no one spoke to him at all. Her eyes drifted to Kouga and Miroku who both seemed to look agitated as they fidgeted with their strings. They had seen InuYasha like this before, she realized. They must have if they showed such constrained anger and no concern for their sick friend.

She frowned. If that were true, why did they allow this to keep going on? Did they just accept their friend's suffering and took it all in stride?

But seeing the helpless look on Sango's face when keyboardist peeked a glimpse at her silver haired friend, Kagome's anger broke. They were at a loss as much as she was. She knew well enough by now that no one could convince InuYasha of anything if he already had his mind set.

Kagome looked sadly down at her drums. What could she possibly say to him that he didn't already know? What could she ask of them that they had answers for? If they knew of anyway to help him, wouldn't they be doing it? What were they thinking about the whole situation? Did any of them know why he did this?

She lifted her eyes sorrowfully up at InuYasha. Did anyone know his pain?

Sango shifted uncomfortably behind her keyboard as she silently let go of the breath she had held when InuYasha and Kagome came back on the stage. She hadn't expected them to come back. Well, InuYasha would come back, he always did, but she never expected Kagome. But then again, why wouldn't she?

Sango quickly settled her gaze back to the stage crew and Sesshomaru, though her attention lay within. No one outside their close-knit group had ever actually seen InuYasha after a bad hit and Sesshomaru sending Kagome after him had her stomach clench in a tight twist. Would Kagome report them to the Commission once she found out InuYasha was high? Would she quit the band after having to deal with him? They all knew, or rather learned, personally to let him go when he was like this. Fuck, InuYasha gave Kouga a black eye once for intervening. If there was one thing for certain in this world, it was the fact that InuYasha never wanted help, especially at his weakest moment. How did he react when Kagome came for him?

Looking at Kagome on the sly, she could only see concern and longing on the young woman's face. Sango bit her lower lip. Of course Kagome would still care for InuYasha, but it impressed Sango that she came back on stage let alone still looked at the man with such heartfelt compassion. Did Kagome know what he did? What had happened between them?

She flicked her eyes to InuYasha and could see the hardened edge of his back. It was obvious something happened between them because something was different about his behaviour. Usually InuYasha came back in a massive temper, shouting orders and taking control, trying to gain back his grip. But now he stood and listened as his older brother gave him instruction and advice. Could it possibly be that Kagome had reached a part of him that none of them had ever been allowed? It was something she would have to watch for after they finished with their rehearsal.

Thankfully the preparations didn't last for much longer and they were quick to get back to the changing rooms and get dressed into their street clothes. Sango noticed how quickly InuYasha left the stage, not even glancing back or giving any indication that anything happened between him and Kagome. Maybe she was wrong? Maybe Kagome couldn't help him either. If that were true then what did Kagome say? What did she do? What will she do?

Sango was unusually quiet as they changed, all the while giving worried glances at Kagome as if begging the girl to stay quiet about the whole thing, and at the same time tell her what had happened between her and InuYasha. It continued until they were finally putting on their sneakers. Kagome tried hard to ignore the unease between them, but the longer she remained silent, the more Sango would fidget and stare.

Sighing tiredly from the anxious atmosphere her friend was emitting, Kagome looked up at Sango with serious eyes, setting the brown-eyed girl back in slight rebuke.

Kagome never looked like that before, and Sango hated that those rich eyes could carry such weight. Kagome knew. Sango felt her chest constrict in dread. She knew that InuYasha was high. Fuck! Oh god, what will she do now that she knows?

The keyboardist ducked her head back down as she adjusted her laces, feeling the terrible twist in her stomach double over at the thought of the consequences should Kagome rat them out. She knew the young woman cared for InuYasha, but did all of that change now that she had seen InuYasha for what he really was? As much as she loved InuYasha herself, Sango knew what he was, and she hated it. She could never forgive him for how weak he allowed himself to get. She had tried countless times to have him see reason, but she knew what he was trying to hide. She knew why he searched out every vice he could find, and she hated him all the more for it. She couldn't honestly blame him if he wanted to forget. It was the fact that he made himself into a goddamned hypocrite by doing it. Was his method any less horrific than the road she was willing to take to rid herself of the pain she felt? Yet she was saved from her torment. Was there anyone that could save him?

A small touch on her shoulder had her looking up into soft blue eyes in surprise.

"Everything's going to be okay."

Sango searched Kagome's face quickly. The gravity was gone from her blue eyes, and they again twinkled with such soft kindness and certainty. Sango immediately eased.

Kagome smiled softly as she nodded towards the door.

"Ready to go? I bet InuYasha is trying to convince the guys to leave without us. I can hear his growling in the hallway." She rolled her eyes jokingly.

Sango let a small smile settle on her lips, knowing completely then that Kagome could never betray their singer. She eyed the drummer in contemplation as Kagome turned and headed towards the exit with her large yellow bag on her shoulder. She was an amazing girl. With one look or word, things were given a different perspective. Kagome had reached Kouga, touched Miroku, and moved her. Did she have the power to change InuYasha?

Sango followed after her friend. There was only one way to know for sure. She just hoped that time was not against them.

-+-

InuYasha stepped solemnly into the hotel room he shared with Miroku and Kouga without a word or a glance. Kagome wondered if he was okay and felt the need to talk to him, but it was obvious he wanted to be alone.

Shortly after she and Sango settled into their room across the hall, Kouga and Miroku knocked on their door. Apparently InuYasha was not in the best of moods, nor in the best of health, so the men came over to order pizza and veg out watching television with the girls. Their mood was sorely dampened by the afternoon's events, not to mention they were still tired from their trip.

The evening was spent watching movies, news and comedy shows. Each just wanted to dull their minds and let the television drag their attention away from the matter at hand. No one had spoke the entire evening, not about anything relevant anyways, and each seemed trapped in his or her own little bubble. All but one that is.

Kagome eyed her friends in consternation as they each stared at the television with expressionless faces. Miroku and Sango were holding each other on one of the twin beds, while Kouga lay sprawled on the denim couch by the window talking quietly to Ayame on his cell. The air seemed thick with tension and she felt pained knowing that the one who needed the most attention at that moment was the one that was being ignored.

She let out a resigned breath as she reached for a few slices of pizza from its box on her bed and gathered them on a paper plate. No matter how anyone felt about it all, no one should forsake a friend, especially one in need. She stood up with the plate in hand and headed to the door. The walk felt like forever, especially since she could feel three sets of eyes boring into her back as she reached for the handle. She was grateful no one had asked her what she was doing, or tried to keep her from going, since she already felt she was stepping out of bounds with InuYasha enough as it was.

It was with timid trepidation that she finally stepped from her room into the carpeted hallway outside, quickly shutting the door behind her. She sighed in relief, but her stomach fluttered as she peered up at the door in front of her. She was hesitant to wake him if he was sleeping, especially if he was still sick, but she hated the fact that no one had gone to check on him to make sure he was all right. It was this internal struggle that had her standing alone outside his hotel room door, contemplating whether she should disturb him or not, but it was a wasted effort. As soon as she raised her hand to knock, the door to InuYasha's room opened widely.

She was shocked to see InuYasha dressed as if ready to go out, quickly taking in his jeans and zippered up leather jacket. Her eyes automatically rose to meet his when he looked up from the key card in his hand.

His golden eyes flashed wide in surprise before they glowered in shame as he looked away. He groaned under his breath. He had hoped everyone was busy elsewhere. The last thing he wanted tonight was to be questioned about how he was feeling or where he was going. And damn it all if those eyes of hers weren't asking him those very things when he stepped out of his room.

"What do you want?" He growled lowly as he shut the door behind him.

Kagome quickly realized she was staring and she pulled her eyes away from him to look down at the plate in her hand. She hastily held it out for him to see the pizza she had brought for him.

"I was about to bring you something to eat, but I guess there's no need since you're going out." She pulled the plate back to her chest and smiled slightly down at it. "I thought you might have been sleeping so I was afraid to disturb you. But I'm happy you are up and feeling better."

InuYasha glanced back at her before his eyes fell to the now discarded pizza. His stomach churned sourly from hunger and queasiness. He definitely wasn't planning on eating anything anytime soon until the toxins have left his system. But still, it was a kind gesture, one that was so purely Kagome. He grimaced slightly as he felt his heart begin to ache and he tried to tamper it down.

His eyes unconsciously drifted up to the soft tendrils of blue-black hair that dared to cover parts of her beautiful face. He fought the urge to sweep them away before he quickly turned his face to look down the hallway to the stairwell that led to his escape. God, did he have no control? Can't he even stand and talk to the damn girl without feeling like a damn teenager with a crush?

He shifted his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "I just needed to go out."

She nodded and smiled softly up at him, flicking a few of the tendrils from her flushed cheeks. "Sounds like fun."

She looked so much like a young girl in her hip hugger jeans and blue Super Girl t-shirt. Her hair was up in a messy bun and InuYasha could not remember a time she looked more endearing. He clenched his hands inside his pockets as he stifled a moan, aching so badly to fold his arms around her and for one moment not feel the torment he harboured. "Yup."

"Sounds better than what we're doing." She shrugged with a lopsided grin. "Pizza and television. We must seem so dull to you."

InuYasha flicked his eyes at her room door behind her then to her flushed face. To be honest it sounded heavenly to him, especially the way he was feeling tonight, but he couldn't bring himself to look at his band right now. He needed time to think.

He let a small huff pass from his nose in a slight laugh. "Yeah, well. That's the hidden life of the rock star."

Kagome laughed softly. Her voice sounded so clear and clean and sweet. It was so natural to watch her lips curve up and her face sparkle with life and happiness. How he wanted to sweep those lips into his own and taste the heavens only she could create.

"I got to go." InuYasha stumbled quickly away from her towards the stairs, anxiously needing to escape her presence before he pulled her to him and never let go.

Kagome watched him leave in stunned silence before turning back to her door. She cast a saddened glance to his retreating back before he disappeared down the stairs.

She wanted to go with him. She wished she could. She wished he had asked if she'd join him to keep him company, but she knew she couldn't. She wouldn't be going out there to join him. She wanted to protect him and keep him safe from whatever could hurt him.

She mentally shook her head. As if she, the small innocent mouse he so often sneered at, could protect him. In her eyes, InuYasha was larger than life and took what he could get. She could only imagine how he saw her compared to what he was used to. There would never be any reason why he'd ask for her company, even if he wasn't already with Kikyo.

Her shoulders sagged at the thought of the cold woman. That was the type of woman he wanted. Kikyo provided him with the temporary highs he craved. If that was what he truly wanted then there was no way she could compete. She could never be that way for him, even if he did try to make her so. Or so she assumed.

Her mind drifted to his behaviour from a few weeks back. All those times he tried to kiss her burned deep to her core, making her involuntary shiver in terrified anticipation. Yet the one kiss they did share was nothing like her fears. It was entirely uninhibited emotion. It was raw, it was invading, it was powerful, and it was purely InuYasha. But that was before she knew of Kikyo. That was before the night she found him with her, since then he had avoided her.

Kagome mentally shook her head as she tried to deny the memory any more thought. He had every right to avoid her. She wasn't his girlfriend, and to him, she probably wasn't even his friend. Why else would he be running away from her all the time? But no matter what he thought of her, she would never forsake him. She just wished someday he would understand that, and maybe someday he would consider her a friend.

Silently, she went back into her room and tossed the pizza back in its box, not needing to tell anyone why. The rest of the evening passed without event, until the boys went back to their room along with Sango, while she spent a good portion of the night in the bathtub trying to douse away the long day.

It was close to midnight when she finally stepped out from the bathroom wrapped comfortably in a large white towel. Hot steam and berry scents followed her into the room as she sat on the edge of her bed to brush out her tangled wet hair. Her mind felt heavy with her thoughts as her eyes dumbly watched the flickering pictures on the television. She was so lost in her dazed state that she didn't even notice when Sango stepped quietly into the room.

The older girl watched silently as Kagome pulled the brush through the layers of her damp hair. Dark curls swayed heavily against her towel covered back before she pulled her hair over her shoulder to her front to pull at a nasty knot. It was then that Sango could just see the top ridges of the scars that would run the length of Kagome's back. Soft jagged arcs marred her shoulders before disappearing beneath the towel. Miroku told her the extent of what he saw, but she could never fully imagine it. Did they really cover her whole back like he said?

Sango gazed distractedly at Kagome's body for several seconds before the young girl giggled.

"Keep staring any harder, San, and I'll think you're testing your x-ray vision."

Sango blinked in fright and quickly looked up at Kagome's laughing eyes. The woman flushed shyly and looked everywhere around the room before automatically settling her eyes on Kagome's back once more.

She immediately shut her eyes and quickly looked away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to see it, I mean, I didn't know they were so… well Miroku said…. I mean he didn't tell me or anything…."

"Sango…." Kagome's resigned voice broke the poor girl's stuttering.

Sango looked guiltily up at her.

Kagome sighed and stood with her back to Sango. "It's okay. Here, they aren't as bad as they look." With that she adjusted her towel to expose her lower back, revealing the jagged marks of her scars that flowed down its entire length.

Sango felt her breath hitch as her eyes stared numbly at the girl's body. "Kag…. I…. Fuck."

Kagome looked over her shoulder with knowing eyes before looking back down and lifting the towel back up her body.

"Kagome?" Sango stepped up behind the girl and reached for her shoulder before pulling her hand back with uncertainty.

"Do I frighten you? Do I look different?"

Sango bit her lip and lowered her eyes to the floor, unsure of what to say. It was true looking at those scars made her feel repulsed and slightly ill, but frightened? She wasn't absolutely sure that was what she was feeling. She used to see Kagome as perfect and pretty, but those scars changed her in her mind's eye. Kagome was no longer the pinnacle of a war won. She was the symbol of a war fought. Sango wasn't sure how to react now that she actually saw them. Kagome did look different to her now, but it was difficult to say how.

"They are not who I am." Kagome turned and looked sadly up at Sango. "They are a reminder…."

Sango lifted her eyes to meet vivid blue before Kagome looked dejectedly to the floor and sighed bitterly.

"How often do I want to forget… that the past is real." She shut her eyes. "All around me are covered sorrows, and I find it kind of funny how easily people can hide the pain. It is how we protect ourselves." She lifted her blue eyes to look out the window. Stars would litter the sky if the lights of the city didn't shut them out. "We live in shadow, Sango, waiting for the sun to come out and make us feel better, even if it's so fleeting. Yet even when it does shine, we are too busy to take notice… all except…." She gazed back to the woman behind her. "Do you remember your childhood, Sango?"

Sango looked taken back and her face seemed to pale some. "Y…yes."

Kagome nodded and looked back out the window. "Things seemed so hard then. Everything seemed so unfair. I wanted nothing more than to grow up and not have anyone tell me what to do. I wanted nothing more than to sleep in, and play outside with my friends, and have a puppy if I wanted one. I felt that the most when I was in math class doing equations. Ulgh… I _hated_ Math in school."

A soft nervous laugh erupted at her side as Sango joined her by the window, trying to act as if everything was normal. "I was terrible with Literature. But I loved Gym."

Kagome smiled. "Remember Saturday morning cartoons?"

"And marshmallow cereal?"

"Being able to stay up a half hour later past your bedtime…."

"Being tucked in…." Sango's voice drifted away from herself as her eyes began to burn.

"Memories before that one moment that changed our lives forever." Kagome looked over at Sango with sad understanding. "We were never supposed to grow up so fast. And no one will ever take the blame of why we had to."

Sango pulled her eyes from the window to stare at Kagome with hidden agony etched on her face. "We shouldn't talk about this."

"No one ever does." Kagome's eyes narrowed in anger before she looked back out the window. "And because of it, your strength comes from your weakness."

Cinnamon eyes grew dark as Sango glared hard at the girl beside her. She was far from weak. How dare Kagome even suggest that? She had no idea the life she had to live and what she had to do to get by. She opened her mouth to retort but Kagome's soft voice silenced her.

"They built this city on top of the one we knew. They burned the bodies of those who died and put their names on a plaque that very few read. No one wants to talk about it, and no one knows how to react when they are reminded of it." She looked at Sango with pain filled eyes. "Everyone has that moment they wished they never had to live. Now you know why I hide my scars."

Sango bit back her resentment as she comprehended her words. She wasn't sure what to say about it, since she wasn't sure what Kagome was getting at.

Kagome sighed and looked down towards the streets. "They want it all to go away and pretend we never felt that one moment. They will go through their lives doing whatever they can to forget." She reached her hand over her shoulder to rub a scar. "When they see this, they remember. When they see me, they grow resentful. Until they accept what happened, no one will accept these scars."

Sango lowered her head in realization. Kagome was right. That is how she felt. Those scars marked an ugly memory on the girl, changing her into a ghost, a ghost of the past. And nothing was more terrifying than that.

"They are not who I am." Kagome repeated. Her voice was soft and low. "They are a reminder." She looked up at Sango. "But they are not my weakness. I remember that moment, and I see it everyday. I accepted what happened because there is nothing else I can do. And I am not afraid of who I have become because of it. I'm still me."

Sango lifted her eyes to meet heavenly blue. She was so used to seeing happiness and serenity in those depths, but now they were filled with pleading for understanding and acceptance. She was just a girl. A world of bad memories should never change that.

Sango slowly pulled her eyes from the girl's face to her shoulders and back. She lifted her hand tentatively and traced her fingers down the smooth skin before it rose up into scar tissue. She slowly pulled the towel down to reveal Kagome's shoulder blades, tracing her fingers over each indent and groove. The more she touched them, the more interesting they became.

Kagome held her breath as she allowed Sango the exploration. She wasn't ashamed of her body, or of her scars, for they were apart of her. They were the cause of her pain and her power because they were of her past. Sango must have known how she got them if she had not yet asked. Yet sometimes hearing and seeing for one's self had to come hand in hand if it is to be believed and accepted.

Shyly, she removed the towel to just cover her front so Sango could see the extent of the old burns. They not only extended along her back, they also covered her rear and the back of her thighs, just stopping at the back of her knees.

Sango gasped at the sight. "I thought it was just your back. Miroku said he saw…."

Kagome smiled in spite of herself. "I only had my shirt off. He saw only my back." Her voice grew soft. "I couldn't lift the timber that fell on top of me, so I had to crawl my way under it. It was so heavy, I could only move so far underneath it, so it burned almost the entire length of my body. My legs were small enough to pull out, so they weren't burned as badly."

Sango drew her fingers away to search the entire length of Kagome's body. "How did you survive?"

"… I just did." The raven-haired girl lowered her head as her words barely whispered past her lips.

Deep brown eyes lingered on the body before her. Her eyes roamed up and over the shoulders, then down towards the girl's waist, rear and legs. Miroku was right. They did look like wings. The more she looked, the less of the scars she saw. Kagome wasn't a ghost of the past. No, she was far from it, though still so very incorporeal. She had what she deserved. Wings…. Even though they joked about Kagome being an angel, these scars proved she was. Not because of how they looked, but how they made her what she was. If anything, they made Kagome more real to her than anyone she had ever known.

Sango reached out one more time and traced her fingers over the scars on Kagome's shoulder blades. "They're so soft and warm."

Kagome shivered under the touch. "That's because your fingers are cold and calloused."

Sango blinked as the anxious bubble around them broke and she busted laughing before she gently shoved the girl in front of her. "Get dressed, you nudist."

Kagome giggled softly and wrapped the towel back around her self, glad that the tension was gone. She smiled happily back at Sango before searching her bag for her pyjamas.

The room quickly fell silent before Sango finally sighed. "I'm sorry, Kagome."

The younger girl looked up with curious eyes. "Why?"

"That you have to hide your scars." Sango dug in her bag for her overnight kit before looking back at Kagome. "All this while I thought you were hiding from me because I thought you were a bit of a prude."

Kagome shrugged and pulled out a nightshirt. "Well, now you know."

"You don't have to hide anything from me, you know. Not anymore."

Kagome looked up with fathomless eyes. "I know." She smiled slightly. "I won't."

Sango stopped what she was doing and sighed once more in resolution. "Kagome?"

"Yeah?" The girl muffled through her nightshirt.

"What… happened today? With you and InuYasha?"

Kagome poked her head through her shirt and let out a heavy breath. "Nothing much. He got sick in the bathroom and I just helped clean him up."

Sango scrutinized her for a moment. "InuYasha never lets anyone clean him up. What did you say?" What do you know?

Kagome tossed the covers on her bed and sat down on the cool mattress. She seemed lost in thought before she looked back at Sango. "Does it scare you, Sango?"

Sango looked taken aback. "What?"

"Does it scare you, what he has become?" Kagome asked quietly.

"Become? What did he become?" Sango hastily looked away as she readied her self for bed.

Silence filled the room and she was hesitant to look back. She let out a strained breath and looked over her shoulder to see Kagome holding her knees to her chest. Her eyes looked so distant and weary as she examined the bedspread in front of her.

"Kagome?"

Blue eyes drifted up to capture brown. Sango almost felt lost in the sadness that swirled in those blue depths.

"We all have that one moment we wish we never had, yet he relives it. He feeds off of it. And he drowns in it." Kagome looked down to her bed and fidgeted with the cover. "He gets himself high to hide the pain and in turn he forces the pain on himself to get high."

"Kagome…." Sango frowned as the truth settled deep within her.

"You know this. You know what he does." Kagome flicked her blue eyes up to the girl. "And you know why."

Sango looked away. "Why he does what he does is his own business."

"I know."

Sango looked warily back at the girl who now stared up at the ceiling.

"That's why I didn't say anything to him. I just told him that no matter what, I'd always be by his side."

Sango's eyes widened. "What?"

Kagome lowered her head. "No one needs to be told they are wrong when they already know they are. It's at those times they need to know they will never be left alone." She lifted her eyes to the woman beside her. "And that way they can be strong."

Be strong. Sango paled as those words echoed out of her memory.

"Sango?"

Sango lifted her eyes up at Kagome's concerned face. "My father… used to say that. Be strong. He always told us that, whenever we cried when he went to work."

Kagome tilted her head to the side and got up to join Sango on her bed. "What did he do?"

"He was a police officer." Sango smiled softly with pride. "The best there ever was. Did you know he was awarded several times for acts of bravery and compassion?"

Kagome shook her head. "He sounds like a very good man."

"He was." Sango looked down and blinked heavily. She sighed and stripped off her clothes to get changed for bed.

"I don't remember much about my father."

Sango looked up at Kagome who was holding her legs to her chest beside her.

"He died when I was eight."

"How?" Sango breathed and joined her on the bed, mimicking Kagome's pose.

"Cancer." Kagome replied. "I don't remember much before he got sick. We were always going to the hospital it seemed. But one thing I do remember was how he used to pick me up and spin me round and round, laughing the whole time. I'd close my eyes and pretend I was flying." Kagome's eyes glittered with unshed tears. "He'd always say 'Fly for me, my Kagome. Fly and be my guardian angel.'"

Sango wanted to smile, but couldn't. Too many memories allowed her the privilege. "My father was a brave man. I wanted to grow up and be just like him. I was going to save lives and make him so proud." Her voice broke as she cradled her head onto her knees. "I loved my father."

Kagome reached her hand out and rubbed Sango's back. "He'd be so proud of you now, Sango."

Sango lifted her face and Kagome felt her heart ache at the tears the flowed hard from her friend's eyes.

"No, Kagome. My father would not be proud of me right now. I failed him. And I could never forgive myself for what happened, for what I did."

"Sango? You don't have to…." Kagome slowly reached for her, afraid of the look she saw in Sango's eyes and gasped in painful fright when the girl grabbed her hand in a vice like grip.

"No, Kagome." Earthly eyes shot up to meet heavenly blue. "I want you to know… my pain."

A/N: I'm back. I'm sorry for those I've worried. I should have put a note in last month letting you all know what was going down. You see, I got accepted into a new archaeology position in Ontario that started in three weeks, which meant I had to do a crash house-hunting trip, spend a week packing my entire life, and U-Hauling it all across three and a half provinces into a new house. So then I'm in my new house, and starting up my new job, which involved me being in a hole for about three weeks without sun, (since Ontario seems to be under a constant rain cloud) and without a computer. And when I am finally home to relax, all I wanted to do was sleep. Oh, and I'm in Butt Fuck Nowhere, Ontario, which meant that the cable company crew wouldn't be by my house until Nov 10 to install internet. So finally, finally! Nov 10 hit and I had internet! So I check my email to see that so many wonderful people messaged to ask if I was okay. And as I am one that hates to see people unhappy, got off my mud covered ass and wrote a chapter.

As for this chapter, I know, I know…. I am disappointed I couldn't add more things that make my heart flutter, but I needed to build up development between the characters. Kagome has become close to Kouga and Miroku. She knows, to an extent, the lives they had and they know, to an extent, her past. And so far Sango has remained distant and is the last member that still stands in the shadow wanting to be listened to (other than InuYasha but he is so deep into the darkness of his soul that there would be no story if he were so easy to pull out). Once Sango has her story told, then things will truly begin to grow and connect in the long run. So bear with me. I am in the middle of writing the next chapter now and hope to have it up very soon. Once this is out of the way, nothing but IY and Kags, I swear!!

Oh, and I think I'm getting lazy. Does anyone know any good betas? If you find mistakes, please don't hesitate to let me know. I didn't spend as much time on this than I'd have liked.

As always, be safe, love, laugh and live! WDW


	17. Small World

Kagome pulled her gaze from the desperate plea in her friend's eyes to the trembling grip Sango had on her hand. Inhaling a shaking breath, Kagome held it in before she let it go calmly with a sudden strength. Gazing back into Sango's eyes, Kagome wrapped her fingers around the hand that held hers tightly and nodded once. "I'm right here, Sango. I'm listening."

Sango's breath left her in a bitter quake as she searched the girl's face beside her. What would Kagome think of her? What would she say? Sango shut her eyes, frowning as the burn of her tears tumbled down her cheeks.

"This wasn't the life I wanted." She whispered.

The grip on her hand tightened as Kagome grasped it in both of hers, not saying a word. Slowly, Sango lifted her eyes to gaze at the woman beside her and was stunned to see her blue eyes looking intently at their joined hands. But what caused her wall to crack was the look of remorse and understanding that filtered through the girl's countenance.

Sango dropped her gaze to their hands and slowly lifted her other hand to complete the hold. If anyone was to understand the pain she felt, it was Kagome. She had lost her family, her home and almost her life in one moment. And like Sango, carried the scars that still haunted them so. But unlike her self, Kagome carried the past for the world to see. She could not have wanted this life. She could not have wanted to live like she had. Yet, for some reason, she did. And she carried it with more grace and love than any mortal could possibly have done. If anyone should know and understand, if anyone could take it all away, it was Kagome.

Sango bit her lower lip nervously before she manoeuvred her body to face her friend. She cast her eyes to the bed spread between them, taking comfort in the hands that held her own so warmly.

"I wasn't always like this." Sango began. "I used to be someone completely different. I used to be happy." She looked up Kagome with tired eyes. "I used to have a family."

Kagome lifted her eyes from their joined hands to meet endless dark depths. Sango almost shivered at the intensity of that gaze. It was if Kagome was watching her very soul, listening to her very heart, and not her words.

Sango opened her mouth, wondering on where to begin, but it wasn't such a struggle as she thought it would be. Looking at the girl, her words just came, as if her story was waiting for this one moment to be told.

"It was just the three of us: my father, my brother, and me. My mom left when I was young. Dad never once blamed her. It was a life she couldn't handle, and it was best she wasn't around for it. Being a policeman's wife takes more strength than the average housewife. The knowledge that at one moment, you could be left alone is not something just anyone can handle. So it was just us. And we were happy. My father was our caregiver, our teacher and our rock. I can never remember a time he wasn't there for us. And I loved him. I loved him more than anything. And I wanted to be just like him."

Sango smiled softly as memories scattered across her mind. "Even my little brother idolized him." Her smile faded. "Or I thought he did…." She sighed as she thought back on it. "He wasn't a bad kid. You have to understand that. He was just… too soft hearted if anything." Sango giggled softly. "He was always so nervous and self doubting. He always needed a hand to hold. Don't get me wrong, once he got used to something, he did it with such pride and ease that it was hard to believe he was once afraid of trying. Yet deep down, he was still that timid kid that always needed reassurance. It was so annoying how he'd constantly come into my room and just looked around, too embarrassed to just say he needed a hug or someone to talk to. But I knew… and I needed it too.

"The nights that my father had to work, it wasn't uncommon for my brother to sneak into my room and I'd wake with him in my bed. We'd talk for hours at times, not even sleeping, just waiting for the door to open and dad would be home and everything would be all right again. I guess we both had the same fear. That someday, he might not come home."

Sango relaxed her hands and pulled them from Kagome's grasp. "It wasn't like what it used to be, when you could say your father was a police officer and people would just nod and smile. After the war, it was dangerous to be a law enforcer. Gangs, mafia and sometimes just ignorant fucks would hunt them down like they were sport. If you weren't one of them, you were fodder. It was hard to know who to trust and who to be wary of. If any one asked, my father was just a hard working man. Feign indifference to what he did, and you were safe. I hated it. I held such pride for what he did, the sacrifices he went through to keep us safe, to keep our city safe. I hated to hide what he did just because one day someone might try to hurt us. It was understandable that Kohaku was always so scared."

"Kohaku?" Kagome's eyes widened slightly. No, it couldn't be as she thought. Many kids could be called Kohaku, but still….

Sango nodded. "My little brother." She lifted her eyes up to look at nothing in particular and smiled sadly. "Yet even though he was my kid brother, he was also my best friend." Her smile faded as tears flooded her eyes and spilled freely. "And I failed him."

"Sango?" Kagome shifted closer to the woman. Could it be possible? Could this be the woman Kohaku dreamed about? Could Sango be Kohaku's sister? What happened to make such a loving family fall apart?

Sango shook her head and looked at Kagome with such wretched despair. "I was always there for him. I was always there to protect him. I was the only thing stable he really had. And I left him alone."

Kagome bit her lower lip and lifted her fingers to stroke encouragingly at Sango's forearm, waiting for her to explain.

Sango lowered her head, rocking it back and forth. "I didn't know it would turn out like this. I didn't know… I didn't know I could lose him so easily."

"Wh… what happened?" Kagome breathed, unsure she wanted to ask.

Sango inhaled a sharp breath and looked up at the ceiling. Hot tracks of tears marred her stricken face. "I left him… I left him… alone." She tried hard to stifle her sobs as she glanced briefly at Kagome, trying to show strength but failing miserably before letting her gaze fall to the bedspread in resolve. "I didn't know why Kohaku clung to me all the time. He had friends. He was always friendly and it was hard to not like him. But he was also shy. Maybe it was because I was the only thing he felt he could trust. I used to think it was because he needed a mother figure or something. He didn't remember our mom too well, since he was only three when she left. But after awhile, I came to understand that it was more. But by then, it was too late."

Sango inhaled deep then let the air rush out in a quivering wake as she struggled to continue. "I left him… to go to school. I got accepted into the police academy. I was going to be like our father. I wanted to be a cop. I wanted to protect people and save them from…." She let out a bitter laugh. "To save them from themselves." She sniffed heavily and accepted the tissue Kagome got from the tissue box on the bedside table. Blowing her nose briefly she sighed. "I was gone for a year to train. I knew more than anything this was what I wanted to do. And I let nothing get in my way to do it. I was selfish… so selfish… trying to get my courses done and my life started. Kohaku used to email or call, but I just didn't have the time to talk to him. I had to study and train, and I had friends of my own that I wanted to be with. I didn't think he had anything important to say. He never did. Besides, if it were something major, dad would call and let me know." She shifted back slightly to drop her leg down to the floor. "Then… he called. He told me that Kohaku's grades were dropping and he was skipping school. Every time he tried to talk to him, Kohaku would just blow him off and leave for a few days, never telling dad where he went. So the next break I had, I went home."

Kagome dropped her gaze to look down at the tissue that Sango fiddled with. This didn't sound like the Kohaku she knew. That kid was such a keener. All he did was study and train and did whatever he could for those around him. He made her exhausted with how much he'd take on, and he'd always made her proud because he achieved everything he set out to do. But still… could he have been…? She looked up at Sango's bowed head. She could see the love she had for her brother and for her family. It amazed her to hear that Sango was training to be a police officer. What happened to make her come to where she was today?

"He wasn't who I thought he was." Sango whispered. "He wasn't my kid brother." She sniffed softly. "He talked back, broke things, he even hit me a few times when I tried to get him to see reason. He just fought me over everything and went out of his way to piss me off. He was just… angry. I've never seen a kid with so much hatred. I didn't know why and he wouldn't tell me." She closed her eyes and softly wiped away the slowing tears. "He didn't trust me anymore."

Brown eyes opened numbly as she lifted her head to look at the headboard behind Kagome. Her gaze seemed distant, as if she was watching the memory unfold before her. "The last night I was home, I found him in my room. I was surprised that he was there. Dad left a few hours back for work and I thought Kohaku had taken off that afternoon. But there he was, tearing into my stuff like he was searching for something. I remember calling his name and I can still remember his face when he turned around. God, Kagome… he looked so scared."

She struggled with a heavy swallow before she continued. "He tried to run from my room but I grabbed his arm and threw him on my bed. He fought back hard, hitting and kicking. It broke my heart to force him down and make him submit underneath me. He struggled and swore at me. It took everything I had to hold him down, even when he yelled out in pain. Then he gave up and just lay there. He didn't even look at me. He just stared at the wall. He acted like he was dead. God, I never felt so powerless in my life." She scratched her eyebrow nervously then slipped a stray hair behind her ear. "Ever since I got home, I had tried everything I could. I tried talking, yelling, ignoring and even hitting him back whenever he lashed out at me. I didn't know how to react to this thing he had become.

"But staring at him, laying prone underneath me on my bed… I realized then, he was still my little brother. And… I started to cry. I cried over what he had become, I cried over what I had done, and I cried because at that moment I realized that I not only pushed away my little brother, I pushed away the very thing I loved most in my life. He was not only my kid brother; he was the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be as trusting, as generous and as loving as he was. That's why I joined the force, so others would feel safe to be as wonderful as he was. But that boy was gone. My little brother was gone. And I mourned him. So I did the only thing I could do." Sango's lips quivered in sorrow. "I hugged him and told him that I was sorry for leaving him, and that I was sorry for ignoring him. I was so sorry that I wasn't there to keep him from getting hurt. But most of all, I was sorry I lost my brother… because I made him lose his sister."

Sango shifted restlessly and grimaced between her tears. Understanding, Kagome shifted back towards the headboard to rest against it, reaching for Sango to do the same. Once Sango was reclining comfortably next to her, Kagome slipped her hand into her friend's and just held it, letting Sango know she was still listening.

Sango was silent for a long while. She felt Kagome hold her hand but had made no movement to hold it back. She felt undeserving of such comforts. Her chest burned with such regret and sadness that it began to feel cold. Her throat ached and she couldn't swallow because of the sorrow lodged within it. It felt like a large lump of sharp air that slowly wanted to choke her. It was a struggle to breath as her body tried to instinctively dislodge the pain. But it would not go down easy. Not when her mind fed the agony.

Memories of that night were like faded echoes. It seemed so surreal that she often wondered if it ever happened at all. Yet every day she would wake in her storehouse, alone in her mind, knowing that one night was the night she was condemned to hell.

The light from the television flicked around the dark hotel room distractedly and faded voices from the set cast the room in an uncomfortable reverie. Sango lifted her eyes to the screen, not really watching it. She wondered if Kagome would ever say anything instead of just sitting there.

Her stomach quailed in nervousness of what the younger woman was thinking right now, yet she couldn't bring herself to ask. Hell, nothing in her could even bring her to look at the blue-eyes girl beside her who was strumming her fingers on the inside of her moist palm. Minutes ticked by with no movement or sound from Kagome. Just the rhythmic flow of her fingers against the inside of Sango's hand, and the gradual flick from her sapphire eyes, betraying her casual stance for one in deep thought.

It gradually became apparent that Kagome was not going to say anything. Sango knew it was because she was waiting for her to finish what happened that night. Though she would have given everything at that moment for Kagome to say something about anything, her silence spoke volumes. Had Kagome said something now, it would mean that Sango could just stop talking, be able to lead the conversation elsewhere and ignore where she had left off. But that silence left the story on pause, and the air was tense as it anxiously waited for it to continue.

Years from now Sango would look back on this night and silently thank the girl who had given her time to grieve and regret without pretence or hollow meanderings of a wounded heart. Whether or not she understood, Kagome was there for her completely, and because of her silence Sango knew she always would be there. And it would just be for her. It seemed selfish to not wish to return the sentiment since she knew Kagome also suffered pains, but misery was not selfless. It was deep and malignant, without hope or care. And Sango wanted to feel selfish then. She wanted it all out of her, all the hatred, anger, fear and pain. And she did not want to share in someone else's.

And Kagome understood. Her silence told her so. Words of encouragement or understanding could make things better for the moment, but it would not make the pain go away. Whatever Kagome did, however she was doing it, made Sango feel that after tonight, her burden could just be a little easier to bear. That is… if Kagome truly understood.

Sango lowered her eyes to her lap and bit at some loose skin on her lower lip. What seemed like forever and a day, her frail voice finally broke the silence. "I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him to leave my room. I knew, every part of me knew, that once he left nothing would ever be the same. But I got off of him and watched as he got off my bed and walked out of my room. He never once looked back and he never said a word. All I remember was the sound of the front door closing as he left. And that would be the one moment I wish I could take back. I should have gone after him. I should have tried harder. I should have… I wish I could have done something to stop him. And because I just let him go, I failed him. I failed us all."

Kagome let her eyes drift up to Sango's face and was pained to see how pale and drawn her friend looked. How could it be possible for this woman to feel such self-loathing? Ever since she met the woman, Kagome always saw Sango as tough, unyielding and a warrior in body and mind. Yet the sad thing about such facades, it was often a front to hide the true face. Sango may have been tough, but she was fighting a losing battle within herself. Kagome could only imagine how drained one would become. How could Sango ever think to defeat herself and win? How could she ever move on, when she would forever blame herself for a failure that was never her own? Her thoughts came to a stand still as Sango's dulled voice explained it all.

"I woke up that night to the sound of glass shattering and the security alarm going off. I jumped out of bed and ran to see what the hell was going on. The house was dark and I could hear voices as they moved around the living room. I could hear them open drawers and breaking things in their hurry. I was terrified. We were being robbed. I ran into my father's study to call the police. I barely got out our address before I heard someone coming towards the room. The only thought I had was to get my dad's gun from the hidden case in his desk. I got it out and snuck out of his study, intent on taking out who dared to threaten my home. I should have been paying attention. I should have just gotten out of the house. But I was cocky. I thought I had the training. I thought I had the courage. But I didn't even notice the details. I was too intent on following the person that was stuffing our shit into a garbage bag to not hear the person behind me. I didn't know they were there until they knocked me down from behind. I remember falling on the floor and watching the gun skid to the guy's feet in front of me."

Kagome looked down as Sango's fingers curled around her hand, growing tighter and tighter as she spoke. Lifting her eyes back up to the woman's face, Kagome watched as Sango relived the last few moments of her old life.

"I should have realized then that someone had turned off the alarm. I was so scared, I didn't notice. If I had, I would have known who was down there. Only three people knew the code to the alarm. But no matter the case, the sounds of police sirens were coming to our house. I heard someone shout, 'Grab the gun and shoot the bitch.' I was so surprised to hear it was a woman's voice. I remember being there on the floor thinking that it was funny that I would be so stunned to hear a woman's voice. It's amazing how the mind works when you are in a life and death situation. It seemed so dreamlike. Things even moved in slow motion when I knew they were moving normally."

She swallowed heavily and her voice broke as she continued. "The guy just stood there in the dark, looking down at me. I didn't want to look up at him. My eyes could only see the gun only a few feet away. I kept screaming in my head 'Get the fuck up! Get the fucking gun! If they had a weapon they'd kill me already! Get up!' Then I remember my leg jerking out and it just woke me up. I kicked my body up to leap at the gun, but he saw me move and picked it up before I could reach it. In a flash, I saw his face and I felt my whole world grow cold. I never heard the front door slam open, I never heard the gun go off, I never heard the scream I made. But I did hear a body fall." A solid tear slowly trailed down Sango's face, before several others followed in its wake to fall freely on her chest. "I didn't want to turn around… I didn't want to know who he shot. All I could do was look up at him from the floor, holding my father's smoking gun, as my father's body lay by the front door behind me. All I could do was look up as my little brother, the kid who used to hide under my covers when there was thunder outside, drop the gun and just stare down at me. And the scary thing is, as much as I wanted to see a monster looking back at me, all I could see was him. Kohaku. There was no anger, no hatred, nothing of the boy I hated from the moment I arrived home. It was my brother, the one I always knew. And he was terrified."

Kagome felt her hand shake and tried desperately to hold it in. She was thankful that Sango never noticed since her hand was shaking as well.

"He called my name, and I knew he was scared. I knew he didn't mean it. I knew it was just an accident. But I couldn't move from the spot on the floor. And I knew at that moment, I couldn't save him from what happened. So we just looked at each other, not being able to say anything. Instead, I just watched as the woman behind me grab my father's gun from the floor and fire at my father's partner and then aimed the gun at me. But Kohaku pushed her away, screaming at her and knocking the gun from her hands. She just hit him hard across his face, beating him almost senseless, until more sirens came up our street. I will forever remember her face when she looked down at me. She looked so vengeful before she grabbed my brother and ran out the back door." Sango let go of Kagome's hand and wiped the constant tears that itched her face. "That was the last time I saw him alive."

Kagome's breath hitched in her throat. 'Alive?' If her brother was dead, then it definitely couldn't be the Kohaku she knew. The thought both eased her and depressed her all at once.

"I was the only witness that saw what happened. I never told them about Kohaku, only describing the woman he was with. After weeks of interrogation and research, they managed to find out her name." Sango's teeth clenched as she swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. "Kagura Kaze. They knew who she was, but every lead was a fucking dead end. In the meantime, I was left with a house and bills I couldn't afford. So I sold the house and moved in with InuYasha."

"InuYasha?" Kagome asked suddenly, her voice sounding foreign since it was the first time she spoke in the better part of an hour.

Sango nodded. "My father and his were best friends growing up. So naturally, I've known InuYasha all my life. He's like a brother to me in a way, and the man who pisses me off most in the world. But he was also the only one I could trust. After what happened, going to stay with him felt like the only thing I could do."

Kagome nodded slightly in understanding. It was amazing how close knit the band really was.

"As much as I care for InuYasha, living with him sucked. So as soon as my finances were in order, I moved into the storehouse."

Kagome smiled in spite of herself. She could only imagine how Sango coped living with the temperamental man they knew for however long, especially since they bickered like brother and sister when they were together. Her smile faded softly as she looked up at her friend. "Did you ever finish your training?"

Sango frowned darkly as she leaned heavily against the headboard behind her. "No." She seemed lost in thought for a long while before she spoke again. "I couldn't."

Kagome shifted her body up to get more comfortable, brushing her warm body closer to Sango. "Why?"

She sighed. "Because… I lost faith in the law." She glanced up at Kagome before she dropped her attention to her nails as she picked distractedly at the frayed bits of skin. "They failed to find Kagura, and they failed to find my brother. Luckily, Kohaku was just under missing persons. The fingerprints off the gun were so badly smudged, they could only trace Kagura's. There was no reason to suspect Kohaku, but still, he was gone. And no one knew where he was. So I quit the force and decided to take matters in my own hands. I had a name and that's all I needed. So I hit the streets looking for her. Got into some bad shit trying to find her. It became more than a mission for me, it was my obsession. Finding Kohaku was my life, and nothing was going to stop me from finding him. He was all I had left. InuYasha used to argue blue in the face for me to come to grips and realize that Kohaku was gone. No kid was going to face the world after that. If he wanted to come back, he would. But I knew InuYasha was keeping something from me. That man was as hardhearted as he was hard headed. He couldn't stop me from looking, and he wouldn't help me to find him. So I dropped him from my life. He became a faded face to me. It was at that moment that I was truly alone. The only thing I had left was the hope that Kohaku was safe and alive.

"But even that was too much to hope for." Sango dropped her hands and lowered her body to lie on the bed. She lay still for several minutes before she lifted her eyes to stare numbly up at the ceiling. "I spent the better part of a year searching. I'd work morning shifts at the diner just to get me by. I lived off of scraps from people's leftover dinners. I hardly slept. Every night I'd be out roaming the streets, going into gang territories, barely escaped being raped and killed a few times. It was one of those nights I wondered into a bar searching for Kagura when I started to get molested by a group of punks. As they tried to lead me outside and into an alleyway, InuYasha came from nowhere and knocked them off of me. Only once had I ever seen him look angrier than he was at that moment. He shook me senseless and yelled at me as he dragged me home. I had no tears and I had no arguments to give him. All I could do was try to fight him off, screaming I had to find Kohaku. Then he slapped me."

Kagome's eyes widened as she lowered her body to lie on her side beside Sango. She listened intently as Sango kept talking, seeming too engrossed in the memory to care about anything else around her.

"He told me to wake up. Why couldn't I see that chasing Kohaku was a wasted cause? The reason why I hadn't found him was because he was already dead." A stray tear dropped from Sango's dead eyes, eyes that looked like they had no tears left to shed. "InuYasha knew. The gang he used to hang out in knew of Kagura. She used to frequently go to the same drink holes. She was killed because she left evidence behind to be traced. She was a risk to her clan so she was gotten rid of. And with her, the very kid who made her screw up. Kohaku was dead. He was shot execution style along with Kagura, and his body dumped. And InuYasha knew. He knew for months. And I hated him for lying to me. Why would he say he was dead? Why would he keep screaming it over and over? 'Kohaku is dead, your brother is dead, he's dead….' Every time he said it, the more I felt my world grow cold, grey and lifeless. The one thing that kept me going was gone. I had nothing left. When InuYasha stopped yelling, I couldn't move. Hell, I don't even remember going home, I don't remember going to work the next day, and I don't remember living for an entire month. Then, one day, it seemed I woke up. And I knew what I had to do."

Flashback

Sango cast her eyes out the diner window. The sun was shining and it was the first warm day of summer. But she couldn't feel the warmth, she couldn't smell the lotions, and she couldn't see the brightness of the day. She held no cheer that her shift was now over and she could go out and enjoy the day. Instead, she walked blindly out of the small diner and onto the sidewalk outside, narrowly missing a group of giggling schoolgirls in plaid skirts as they ran excitedly to the magazine cart ahead.

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places  
Worn out faces_

It was Friday and people were just getting off of work. Ever since the war ended, Japan had taken on a more European schedule to match up their businesses worldwide. This day held a breath of fresh air as people anticipated a few days off to relax and enjoy life. Yet each face Sango saw were devoid of real smiles, real happiness. It was as fleeting as the days allotted for rest. A momentary lapse before they were forced to begin another week of work and toil. Sango momentarily shut her eyes from it all. But there was no rest for the weary.

_Bright and early for the daily races  
Going no where  
Going no where_

Grimacing at the smell of alcohol and mead, she regrettably opened her eyes. She looked around the bar she now stood in. She flicked her eyes around for familiar faces and waited for them to show up. Her eyes drifted to single people sitting at the bar, staring blankly at the television screens. They looked like statues. There was nothing in them.

_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression _

InuYasha wanted her to meet some friends. He said it was about time she got out of her funk and lived a little. She sat in a booth with Miroku and a blue-eyed man by the name of Kouga. InuYasha had an arm slung over a very bitchy looking Kikyo. Each of them were laughing and drinking. It hurt to lift her lips up to bare her teeth in her mockery of a smile. No one noticed. She gazed down into her drink to watch the bubbles flow in constant streams from the bottom of her cup to the surface. It had no flavour. Even its amber hue lacked colour.

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow _

She lifted her eyes to stare up at her best friend before her, the one she had forsaken though he did not know it. He avoided her gaze, looking everywhere but at her, fingering his silver hair behind an ear before whispering sweet shit into his dealer's ear.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
_

Sango walked out of the bar with her friends surrounding her. Miroku threw his arm heavily around her shoulder and leaned his inebriated frame heavily on her.

"You are the most sexiest woman I have ever seen. I hope our children look like you."

"Children?" Sango stated, though her voice sounded hollow in her head. No one seemed to notice.

"If you would do me the honour of bearing them." His violet eye winked before he tripped over a raised crack in the sidewalk.

She might have felt thankful as InuYasha lifted the pervert from her shoulder, yet all she felt was cold seeping in her veins.

_The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've_ _ever_ _had_

"Fuck off, letch. The night's only started and we've yet to get Sango's party off the ground, and you're acting like you're already six feet under." InuYasha nudged Sango's side with his elbow though she barely felt his touch. "Where to next, San?"

"Next?" Sango kept walking forward without any regard to where she was going. "It's two in the morning. I'm going home."

"Why?" He scoffed.

"I have to work in four hours." She recited monotonously, though it was more to her self it seemed.

"Work? But today's your birthday."

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
_

Sango kept walking. She had forgotten today was her birthday. InuYasha always did this. As soon as midnight struck, he'd spend the whole day with her. Now two hours in, she was ready to end it. "I'm off at three."

InuYasha sighed loudly that sounded oddly enough like a growl. She was making him miss out on fun and he wanted her to feel guilty. Deep down she wanted to feel guilty, but she felt nothing… nothing. "I have Sunday off, so we can get trashed all day and night." She forced a smile to her lips. "I expect cake."

InuYasha smirked. "Yeah, turning twenty one deserves cake. I'll splurge and get you a fresh one."

It hurt to keep the smile on her face. "How decent of you."

"For my best friend, anything." He swung an arm over Kikyo's shoulder and led her off in another direction. "See ya later, San. Better be in a better fucking mood."

"How can I not be? Cake and beer." Sango watched as the gang walked up the road while she stepped blindly down to the subway, glad to end the charade. It was time to go home. There was nothing left to do tonight.

_When people run in circles it's a very, very  
Mad world_

…_Mad world_

Sango sat in the corner of her warehouse with her back leaning against the cold concrete wall. Her ass felt numb from sitting on the cold tiled floor for what felt like hours, though it could have been minutes for how much time mattered to her now. Today was her birthday, and she fingered her present that rested heavily in her hands.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy birthday  
Happy birthday_

It was the day she was supposed to celebrate with family. Cherish the day she was born. Bless the day she came into life. One day, out of three hundred and sixty five, to celebrate her life. Looking down at the black metal clutched in her hands, she fiddled with the hammer, strumming her fingers over the smooth ridges. Would it hurt? Maybe, but at least she'd feel something.

_And I feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen  
Sit and listen_

She studied the smooth expanse and artistic moulding of the handle. It reminded her of the first time she'd ever held it. It was forbidden to her, and it still felt distant from her. But it was also welcoming.

_Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me  
No one knew me  
_

What did her instructor at the Academy say? Keep it clean. Better accuracy and no malfunctions. She cleaned it regularly. Ever since the day she got it back from the evidence locker, she took care of it. Did anyone know it was gone?

_Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me  
Look right through_ _me_

She tipped back the hammer once then rested it back in place. Just teasing it made her body hum with anticipation. Though it was so minute, it was enough to feel over the numbness she was living in.

_And I find I kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad _

She checked the chamber. It was still full, except for two bullets. Both rested in the evidence locker. Pulled from the bodies they claimed. Two innocent shards of metal, stained with only chemical solutions and trace amounts of DNA. They could tell you who they killed and what gun they came from. She could tell you that too, along with every damn detail. She dreamed of that night, every night… every day… every minute. Now only this gave her peace.

_The_ _dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever_ _had_

She lifted the gun slightly to stare down the barrel, entranced by the blackness compared to the darkness of her hollow home. It would be a very loud echo. Did her father wonder about the darkness before the bullet leapt from its depths? Did Kohaku hear the echo before the bullet exited his head? Things she would never know. She couldn't hear their ghosts. Like no one could hear her screaming.

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take_

God, she was tired. She shut her eyes and just let her fingers slip into place. She shivered slightly as the metal slid graciously over her cold hands. They felt like ice against the hard steel. It was funny how she could find comfort and warmth in such a deadly thing, when not even her own body would allow any peace in. It seemed distant, the time when walking down a busy street she could feel peoples' bodies, their warmth, and their living auras. Now, they were like shadows, listless and dull. Nothing existed anymore, and nothing felt real anymore.

_When people run in circles it's a very, very  
Mad world_

…_Mad world_

Taking one last deep breath, she lowered her head to rest her forehead onto the hollow opening of the barrel. Soon enough it would be quiet and nothing will be like it was. She wondered briefly if there was an afterlife, and if she would be let in it, but at this moment, it didn't matter. To even just be blinked out of existence felt like heaven now, and to her that gave her everything she wanted at that moment.

_Enlarging your world… _

Finger to the trigger.

_Mad world…._

And pull….

"Going so soon?"

Sango flashed her eyes wide open as her head whipped up. Her hands quickly jerked open from fright when she saw a large figure stand over her before her senses took him in. "InuYasha?"

He rested his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Who else?"

Sango lowered the gun and rested it by her side as if it were no more than a book she was reading. "Why are you here?"

He eyed the gun warily before searching Sango's sitting form. "It's your birthday. I always spend the day with you."

Sango cast her eyes around the warehouse in confusion. "You left with Kikyo."

He shrugged again. "Walked her back to the car. Bitch owed me for some pot."

Sango nodded but felt there was nothing else to say.

InuYasha stood there quietly before his voice mumbled across the warehouse. "You were going to leave without me."

Sango glanced up and felt a slight tremble in her chest from the distant look on his face. He couldn't even look at her now. His gruff eyes glared silently at a crack in the wall. Streetlights from the windows above filtered down on top of him, casting him as if he were on display. It was something she was used to seeing. He loved being in the spotlight. Yet here and now, as he fidgeted with his pockets, she had never seen him look more alone.

"I wasn't, I was just…." She murmured.

"Deciding to kill me slowly?" His eyes never left the crack in the wall as his voice grew gruff and low.

She blinked up at him in slight bewilderment. Didn't he know she was just going to sleep? She gazed down at the gun beside her. No, wait. She was going to shoot her face off. She giggled slightly at the thought. It was the first truthful thing she had thought in God only knows how long. Her giggle stuttered to a close before she breathed out heavily as her numbness settled back in. "I'm tired, InuYasha. Couldn't you see that?"

He shifted his amber eyes down to her body. They flicked with unease up and down her form before he lowered his head in a slight nod. "Yeah. I did." He hiked his pants before crouching down in front of her. "I was just hoping you'd wake up before you decided it was over."

Sango held his gaze briefly before she lowered her head and lifted her knees to her chest. She didn't reply.

"But I guess it's my fault… for not being there." He lowered his head to stare at the floor. "You'd think I would have learned that. If I had, Kohaku would be here right now and I wouldn't be losing another person in my life."

"Kohaku?" Sango rolled her head up slightly as her eyes cast a dark gleam on his silver head. "What does Kohaku have to do with you?" 'Liar! Asshole! I wish you were dead instead of him!' Sango blinked at the rage that hit her before it disappeared into her dark cold depths.

"When you went off to that school, he used to call me. Wanted to hang out with me." InuYasha scoffed and looked up at Sango's dead eyes before lowing them back to the floor. He picked up a small stone and rolled it around in his hand. "Like that kid would ever want to intentionally hang out with me. He should've known by then I was the last fucker anyone should hang out with. Said he just wanted someone to talk to. I just laughed. What the fuck could I possibly talk about? So I told him to go to the mall or do some shit that kids do and get some of his own friends to talk to. He said his friends were gone. So what, right? Get some more. Almost eight billion people in this world or some shit. He's bound to find someone else to bother. But I knew what he meant. The kid felt like he didn't belong. I knew I should have been there for him. But fuck, look at me! I'm the last person to be nominated as a Big Brother. You know the shit I deal with. I knew Kohaku shouldn't see that. So I thought I was doing him a favour by blowing him off. I didn't know how bad it was until a few months before you came home."

Sango watched him through heavy lidded eyes. Her little brother needed someone and when she blew him off, he went to InuYasha? It was kind of funny. She wanted to laugh. Kohaku was scared of InuYasha. He was loud, crude, and let's face it, an all around fucking asshole. She felt her body quiver from the cold burn that grew at the bottom of her chest. It had the flavour of agony and fury. Was it so bad that Kohaku was willing to go to InuYasha for help? Why didn't he just go to Dad?

She felt her jaw crack and realized she was clenching her teeth hard. How could InuYasha just push him aside like that? He knew her brother needed someone! Why did he just leave him alone? Her body trembled with pent up emotion that she did not want to feel. How could someone forsake her little brother just because he was too wound up in his own problems. She didn't want to address the fact that she was the one at fault, that she was the one he needed, and she pushed him so easily aside for her own happiness. She wanted someone else to take the blame so that she could feel something, so she could get revenge, so she could have a purpose again, even if it was in anger.

"Why weren't you there for him?" Her voice quivered under the strain. 'Why wasn't I there for him?'

"I didn't know how." InuYasha murmured. "Kohaku was a great kid, the best in my books. He didn't need to see what I really was. He wanted me to be someone he could look up to."

Sango watched him warily. She knew him well enough that if he could have done something, he would have. Did he truly think he was that far gone that he couldn't even let her little brother into his life? She lowered her eyes. Would she have wanted her little brother to be with InuYasha? Knowing what he was? No. She would never trust InuYasha with her kid brother. And she hated him for it.

"You could have stopped. You could have cleaned yourself the fuck up…. You couldn't have been something he could look up to…." She stopped suddenly, realizing her Freudian slip.

InuYasha looked up at her, his face slightly pale as he nodded. He wasn't about to deny it. "I could have, but I didn't want to. Getting clean so I'd feel better for a kid to hang around with me wasn't on my mind. I thought Kohaku was a strong kid. He'd make friends and do whatever. How the fuck could I know that he'd get in the wrong crowd? His life wasn't all that bad."

"Neither was yours." Sango bit out.

InuYasha winced and opened his mouth to yell before he stopped himself. "My life was nothing like his. I got issues, I know that, but he had nothing like I had."

"Bullshit, InuYasha!" Sango jumped to her knees to face him directly. "You don't think we suffered? You don't think we mourned when your dad died? You don't think being terrified day in and day out would make us any less damaged than you are? He needed someone! And he asked for you and all you did was tell him to go to the fucking mall!"

"I know that!" InuYasha spit out. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't live a fucking day wondering if I had just taken him out for ten fucking minutes that he'd be here right now? Damn it, Sango, you think I didn't try to get him out of that fucking gang?!"

"What?" She slowly lowered her butt down to her heels as shock set in. 'Gang?'

He shook his head bitterly. "Got a call from him a few months before you came home. Fucker asked me to help him start dealing. Said he needed the money. I told him to fuck off. What did he need money for? Your dad made enough. Said he owed someone. Said if he didn't get it, he'd be in trouble. It was then I realized he was serious. I didn't know what sort of shit he was into, but I wasn't about to let him get too tied in. I needed to get him out. So I told him I'd make a few calls."

Sango seethed and InuYasha hurried his story, worried at seeing her fists ball up tightly.

"I didn't call to get him set up. I called my buds to ask what shit he got himself into. Found out he got into some serious dealers. And he owed a lot of money. The man he was tied in with was not a man to take lightly. If you crossed him, your life was worth shit. I couldn't leave Kohaku to suffer like that. So I went to his dealer and paid his debts. But I didn't have enough. So I made a deal."

Sango couldn't stop the shivers that coursed through her body. "InuYasha… you didn't."

"I told Naraku I'd settle the odds. He hooked me up with Kikyo, so I took over his debt. Sent Kohaku to Sesshomaru to get cleaned up and be safe. Your father didn't need to know. As far as he should be concerned, Kohaku was just being a fucking teenager with drama problems. Whenever the kid had a problem now, he always went to Sesshomaru. He was better off there. Spent days there at times if he needed it. He was a good kid, Sango. He got through it." He shrugged. "I thought he did at least, from what Sess told me. Thought I managed to get Kohaku out of the picture, only to hear one night he kills his father while robbing his own fucking house."

He stopped suddenly at the sound of a choked sob from Sango.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?!" She screamed suddenly at him.

"He was your brother, Sango! Was that something you wanted to know?" He lowered his head. "I thought if I got him out, cleaned him up, and took care of the problem, things would go back to how they were. Your family was happy and that's what mattered. This shouldn't have happened and if I was there in the beginning, it wouldn't have."

His head was knocked back suddenly as she punched him hard across his face. He fell back with her thrashing form on top of him, beating him wherever her fists could reach. He made no move to stop her, only covering his body instinctively as she beat him for everything she was worth.

"You fucking asshole! You should have been there! You should have fucking been there! He looked up to you! He came to you when he had nothing else! How could you just leave him there to die! How could you leave him!" She screamed. Her voice echoed shrilly across the warehouse before her body slumped from the wracking sobs it succumbed to.

With shaking hands, InuYasha lifted his arms and wrapped them around her body. He winced as he sat up from the floor, sniffing slightly to slow the blood that streamed from his busted nose. Holding her body tightly against his chest, he began to rock her back and forth, not able to do anything else.

"I should have been there." She whispered. "He needed me. I should have been the one to take care of him."

"You did, San. You were there his whole life." InuYasha turned his face to the side so his blood wouldn't drip onto her hair as he rested his head against hers. "He had to realize that he needed to be there for himself. You are not to blame for the choices he made."

Sango whimpered into his tear stained shirt. "Why didn't you tell me…?"

"Because…." InuYasha sighed. "Because it wasn't safe for you to know. If I told you, you would have gone after Naraku. And I couldn't have you die like that. You're my best friend… and you're all I have left."

Hearing his words made the cold numbness in her burn and her body doubled over in sobs. "Why?"

"You would have wanted to save him. You would have tried to take over his debt. Had you known, you would have done what I did. But you wouldn't have survived it." He closed his eyes and frowned in pain as he tried to breath through his broken nose. "It took me the better part of a year, but I got his debt settled. But by that time, I was too far gone into it to get out. So I'm stuck for life. This is my fate. And I don't regret it for one second. If I had to do it again to save Kohaku, I would have."

"…Yasha…." She rasped through a broken sob. "How can I… how could you have… what can I do…?"

He shrugged and hissed as his body protested the movement. He grimaced in pain as he struggled to speak. "Make me lots of money so I can pay him off, move away, and start over under my new name Rory B. Longfellow."

Sango grinned in spite of herself, not paying heed to the pain he was in. She rested her head deeper into his shoulder "What's the 'B' stand for?"

InuYasha snickered but coughed slightly as thick blood dripped down his throat. He grinned despite the discomfort. "Big…. Did I tell you it was my porn name?"

Sango busted laughing, though it was choked under her sobs as they urged up from her chest. She began to cry again and it grew harder than she had ever cried in her life. Her wails and choked sobs echoed throughout her makeshift home. It was the sound of bottled grief and torment finally released, and she spewed it forth like a tidal wave. Her poor body shuddered under the strain. The slight fear that she was going to be torn apart from it all was suddenly contained as great arms held her tightly and never once let her go.

They sat there for a long time after her voice gave out. InuYasha rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair, while Sango stared dumbly at the far wall as her tears flowed unchecked. Kohaku made the wrong choices and so many suffered because of it. Now all that remained were two shattered friends who carried the weight of his actions and his loss. They weren't alone in their misery, not any more.

Sango let her eyes drift to the gun in the corner. She still didn't feel whole, and the world still looked pale, but at least now she had something left to hold onto. She had InuYasha. And she would spend her life repaying him for what he did. He gave up his freedom to save her family. Even though it was in vain, she knew the cost of his actions. And she would forever try to free him of it.

End Flashback

Sango shifted her legs up to her chest as she lay on her side. She was quiet for several minutes before she lifted her tired eyes to look up at Kagome. She stared transfixed as she watched trails of tears stream graciously from Kagome's closed eyes. Her damp lashes swept softly on her flushed cheeks and her lips held no trace of feeling. If Sango could describe it, she looked like an angel in repose aside from the casual tear that pearled out from her hidden eyes. At first, Sango thought she might have been sleeping, before Kagome opened her eyes to reveal diamond blue pools of emotion.

There was no pity in them, there was no sympathy, there was nothing to associate that the girl held any means of relating to what Sango had told her. No. Her eyes told more. Kagome's eyes reflected Sango's pain, as if she was there to suffer with her, and had seen and felt it all with her. In her eyes, Sango could see her own hurt, and she knew Kagome. And Kagome knew her.

Sango's eyes looked deep into Kagome's. They both knew what it felt like. Both knew the deepest despair and the darkest fears. Both have lived it, and now shared in it.

Kagome lowered her eyes briefly before she lifted them back up again to meet Sango's. Yes. She knew that pain. Yes. She felt. …Yes. She had lived it.

Sango blinked heavily as her lips parted slightly to let out a small huff in aching question. "How did you survive?"

Kagome's eyes seemed to soften as her lips curved in a slight smile. Her gaze shifted to look at everything though they never wavered from one spot. They seemed to be filled with such wonder and benevolence before they moved back to Sango in kindness. They seemed to be alight with childish laughter and happiness, as if she knew of secrets that were right in front of her. "I believed."

"I don't understand." Sango shut her eyes as exhaustion ebbed at her soul.

Kagome's eyes slowly drifted down to watch as she laced her fingers into Sango's hand. She shifted her body closer to Sango, so that their joined hands were held warmly between their chests. She lifted her eyes once more to look into supplicating cinnamon depths. "It begins right here." She held Sango's hand more tightly, pushing it to rest against her friend's heart. "To find the strength to bring it here." She pulled their hands to touch her own heart before resting their hands between them once more. "And trusting it to stay here."

Sango gazed down to their joined hands and slowly tightened her fingers in the hold.

"It still hurts… so much." She whispered.

"It will, for awhile." Kagome whispered back.

Sango lifted her eyes to meet serene blue. "Will it ever go away?"

Kagome's eyes shifted slightly, letting the quiet sadness she held surface. "Not all of it. But I've come to see that I needed to feel it." She lowered her head to look at their hands. "Because I rather feel pain than nothing at all."

Sango shifted her gaze to their hands and both stared at them for the longest time before she spoke. "Sometimes… most times, that's all I feel."

Kagome nodded softly. "The pain that you feel can only heal," she lifted her head to gaze her shy knowledgeable eyes at her friend, "by living. And living for the betterment of you."

Sango raised her head in sadness to look at Kagome.

"Then they can go on living." Kagome's lips curved slightly in a sad smile.

Rosy lips opened to let out a soft sob before Sango closed her eyes and clasped Kagome hard against her.

Softly, Kagome wrapped her arms around her friend and stroked her soft dark hair as she cried silently. It was a hard pill to take to understand that the only way to move on was to face the demon that followed you. Otherwise, life was no more than just living. Getting one day over with before facing a new one. But Kagome understood that at times it was the only way to survive the pain. It took a strong heart to endure that monotonous necessity day in and day out. Yet any heart would succumb to weariness and defeat if there were never hope of end in sight. It was then one had to realize you either faced the pain or let it consume you.

Kagome knew. She knew first hand how easy it would have been to let her self drown in her sorrow until she was as hollow as the bodies she buried. But they wouldn't let her. Kaede, her friends, all of those she met since then had brought her back and showed her hope. Everyone had suffered tragedy. Everyone has suffered pain, pain so strong you couldn't even breathe because you knew if you did, you'd feel it take over you.

Kagome shut her eyes. That kind of pain charged through your body like stabbing shocks. That kind of pain made you relive that moment over and over. That pain made you think of regrets, failures and hatred. That pain was so intense, it was understandable why people would shut down, not wanting to face it.

But you had to.

Or it would kill you. Death was not a body devoid of a heartbeat. It was the end of life. So many walked around without souls, like living dead. They felt pain, and they carried it behind them like a chained boulder, ignoring the weight they dragged. Everyone gets tired. Everyone stumbles and even fall. But the one thing that defined strength was the knowledge that it was a matter of getting up at least one more time than you have fallen.

And yes, sometimes it was impossible. Sometimes just laying there in death, waiting for eternal rest, was what you wanted. But if you looked up and saw past the shadow, you would see people standing around you. They're waiting for you to reach out, so they can take your hand and lift you.

That choice was the hardest she had to make. It involved swallowing pride, something she never even knew she had. It took admitting defeat and acknowledging others saw it. It required she let it all go, the one shred of decency she had left in her, to give her the strength to take the hand that reached for her and letting them carry her until she had the power to stand.

It took a long time for her to get back on her feet. She lived in selfish wants and self-pity. And they understood. She needed time to bring herself back into her, to put all the pieces back together. And they gave her time. She grew frustrated and hurtful and hateful when time mocked her progress. And they gave her endless love. And she took it. She swallowed it like a black hole, feeling she could never be sated. She absorbed their life into herself, but never once returned the effort because she needed it all. And they never judged. Instead they patiently waited. Then one day she stepped out of her room, the prison she created for the better part of a year, and she breathed. She could smell sweet food cooking. She could hear them in the house laughing in happiness. She could see them as clear as day, no longer faded shades. And though she did not feel complete, she felt human again. And she was ready to walk on her own. But this time, she knew she wasn't walking alone.

And in time, she let someone else take her chain, to take her boulder away. And she had faith that hope did exist. And that family was more than blood. And love did conquer all. And she understood then what God really was. It was life. It was living. It was feeling. It was heart. It was love. And it all began here… in believing that these things existed and that they were good.

Kagome opened her eyes to watch Sango fall into a deep slumber within her arms. Holding the girl tighter, she softly kissed her brow. Whether or not Sango knew it, it was the first step in healing. Whether or not she acknowledged it, she felt the potential of what Kagome believed God to be.

Love has no boundaries. Even in death it survives and connects. Love was the one thing that determined life. Its existence made the world brighter and filled with wonder. Its betrayal made the world pale and devoid of hope. Sango had thought she had lost the love from her family, thus lost the will to live for their love. It was a hard road to walk in such shadow, and an even harder task to break free from it, especially if all one does is relive the past.

The past could be such a resentful companion. As much as anyone would care to cast it away, it always had a way of haunting you. What could possibly be said to help? What could possibly be done to recapture the grace and will to carry on? The only answer Kagome had was this: to love without reason, want or creed. But though it can be said as an easy answer, its action was far from it.

She sighed as she felt her body sag from weariness. It had been a long day and an even longer night. Her body screamed for sleep, but her conscience had one more thing it needed to do.

Sliding her arms softly from Sango's body, Kagome gingerly got up off the bed, making sure her friend was resting peacefully. Looking around, she hastily grabbed her cell phone and her pair of sneakers. Checking to see that she had her card key, she slipped from the room and out into the hallway. She shivered slightly from the draft outside her room, and from the fact she was only wearing a t-shirt and pyjama pants. Donning her sneakers quickly, Kagome stepped quietly to the stairwell and down its flights of steps until she reached the main lobby.

Opening her cell, she flicked quickly down the row of saved numbers before choosing one and letting the call connect. She anxiously looked around the empty lobby and smiled briefly at the concierge and the security guard who were talking softly to each other by the large oak desk. Turning her back to them, she fidgeted in nervousness as she waited for the other person on the line to pick up. What seemed like a million rings, a groggy voice croaked into her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hojo." Kagome sighed in relief.

"Kagome?" Hojo sounded a bit more alert, though very confused. "It's three in the morning. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, well no, well sort of, I mean…." She growled to herself and let out a huff in annoyance. "I need you to do something for me."

"Sure, anything. What do you need?" She smiled slightly as he yawned loudly in her ear.

"I need you to look up a name for me. I need it by Saturday at the latest."

"Why? Who is it you're looking for?"

Kagome bit her lower lip nervously as she ducked herself closer to the wall of the lobby. "Chihaya Kohaku. "

"Kohaku? Our Kohaku?" Hojo rose up from his bed in surprise.

"Maybe." Kagome lowered her eyes to the ground. She hoped she was right about all this.

"I don't know, Kagome, we've been down this road before trying to find information for him. I don't see how this would be any different."

Kagome held back the butterflies circling in her stomach. "You might have to call Bank at the crime lab. His name maybe under…."

"Under?" Hojo frowned as he struggled to find a working pen.

"Under criminal case files…." Kagome grimaced slightly as she lowered her voice into the receiver.

Hojo was silent for a few moments. "You mean…?"

"Maybe. I won't know for sure unless Bank checks it out. This situation might be under classified, which could explain why we never found out anything. Please, just call Bank and ask him to do a search."

"I'll call him first thing, Kagome."

"Thanks, Hojo. You have such a good heart."

Hojo smiled at her praise and could almost see the small smile she held for him. "I'll tell him you need it when you get home on Saturday. I know he won't be able to make any promises, but once I tell him it's for you, I'm sure he'd have something at least."

Kagome's smile turned brighter. "Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for calling you so late."

"Hey, for you, anything. When you get home you're going to have to tell me how you came up with this name."

Kagome laughed softly. "Only if you give me what I need."

"Then I anxiously await Saturday." Hojo smiled.

Kagome giggled. "Then I'll see you Saturday."

"Night, Kagome. And good luck tonight."

"Thanks. Night."

Kagome clicked her phone shut and sighed slightly in relief before she turned around and almost knocked into a hard chest.

Looking up, she was stunned to see liquid gold burn into her. "InuYasha?"

A/N – Mad World, by Gary Jules. One of many songs to bring out my inner torments.

And as you can tell I'm going to end this chapter here. I had continued it for another six pages, but after working on it for two weeks, I felt it was way too long, and that ending it at this point was better than I had originally ended the chapter.

After reading this chapter I hope you can understand why I took so long writing it. Hell, I hope you understand why it took so long for me to start writing it. Just getting into my new job, working massive amounts of overtime and trying to get finances settled, the last thing I wanted to do was dredge up those feelings. It involved thinking back on how I felt and thought. It also involved memories of how it all transpired. It was mentally, physically and spiritually exhausting. But I got it down. And it feels okay. To be honest I started this chapter over six weeks ago, and deleted it seven times until I finally got this one started. And even then so much was changed and reworded until I thought, fuck it, tell it like it is and how I felt. Though I could never get down to the darkest points, for nothing could ever describe it, but I am sure most know the feeling, I hope my chapter got to the heart of Sango's pain.

I also hope that those who have felt or are feeling this way now know they are not alone. Many are out there who can help. And I am one of them. I never turn down a friend, and I consider all who have shared in my story, read my words and felt with me during this time, as friends. If you do need someone to talk to, I hope you know you can at least reach me. I email everyone who leaves a review or PM's me and I have kept contact with many of you through email. I will never turn you away. I've been there, and am thankful for those who were there for me. I share a bond with them stronger than anyone else.

On a lighter note, everyone now knows Kohaku's past. As most, if not all of you have guessed, he is the one and the same, and I am sure the chapter of the coming Saturday will be eagerly anticipated. So I'll have you know with this hurtle over and done with I hope to have many more chapters written this holiday season.

Wishing you all happy dreams, warm wishes and all the love in the world. Have a wonderful Christmas. No matter what faith or idea of this season, it is a time for family and friends. It is a time where no one should be alone, and I hope with this knowledge you know you are never alone.

Later days! WDW


	18. Pain and Purpose

InuYasha stepped tiredly into the lobby with his head cast down in exhaustion. It was a long day, and the night didn't make it any better.

He had stopped off at a few bars to dull his memory of what he had done at the rehearsal. The booze managed to drown out everything but beautiful blue eyes and bittersweet promises. It seemed no amount of alcohol could relieve her from his mind. Her very presence haunted him to a point that all he could think about was her. Even when several women had come up to him, all he saw was Kagome. One had even looked somewhat like her, and he was sorely tempted to take her up on her advances but she smelled of smoke and Chanel, not at all like her. As much as he wanted to pretend the woman was his drummer, she wasn't, and no one could even come close. Without any explanation, he had got up and left the woman standing at the bar confused. All he wanted was to go back to the hotel and forget this day ever happened. And if he were lucky, forget that across from his room slept the very person that tormented his being.

He wiped his face to rid the grogginess from the alcohol as he cast his weary eyes up into the lobby. He stopped suddenly when his gaze landed on the last person he thought he'd see. He blinked a few times, thinking maybe he was hallucinating, but there she remained before him. Her small form took all of his attention from the rest of the room, yet Kagome didn't seem to notice him as she moved closer to the far wall.

He frowned slightly as he walked silently towards her. She looked tense, not to mention exhausted. Was she okay? What the hell was she doing up at this time? She shifted a bit and he could see her frown into her cell phone. He stopped short. Who was she talking to?

Her tender voice lilted over to him. He heard the word bank and something about a search. Was she in financial trouble? He stepped closer to listen in, not at all ashamed of his prying, when suddenly her shoulders seemed to relax.

"Thanks, Hojo. You have such a good heart."

Hojo! InuYasha felt his chest seize in undeniable fury. Why the hell was she talking to that dork? Were they going out? No. Kagome said she didn't have a boyfriend. Then what the hell was going on?

"I'll see you Saturday."

Saturday? Light seemed to dawn through his muddled mind and he felt himself sober up quickly. That was the day of the charity thingy. Kouga said he was fixing her up with someone. Could it be this Homo fucker? What about her meeting with Sesshomaru? Fuck! Just how many men was she hooking up with this Saturday? His chest felt tight all of a sudden and he had trouble breathing as jealousy rocked him to the core.

"InuYasha?" Kagome's surprised voice spoke his name so sweetly that it stirred awake the familiar butterflies in his stomach. Cringing internally, InuYasha quickly squashed them down as the sour wave of jealousy pushed higher in his chest.

His eyes flicked down to the cell phone in her small hand, half expecting her to explain what the hell she was doing, before his eyes took in her thin cotton apparel. His jaw clenched hard at seeing her in a baby tee and flannel pants that looked ready to drop from her hips. Damn it, what the hell was she doing down here in those clothes for any man to take off with her? Or worse, some man she knew… like that fucking Hojo? God, he hated feeling so damn jealous. When will he get over the fact that he meant nothing to her?

His amber eyes narrowed in fury over the internal chaos of his emotions. He wanted to feel nothing, but it was impossible.

He glared blamefully back up at Kagome's tired face before he was caught off guard by her eyes. She looked up at him in nervous hopefulness and shy admiration. He could not see any pretence or deceit within her as he thought he would. She didn't look at all ashamed at having been caught talking to another man. In fact, she looked….

The silver haired man blinked as relief and guilt flooded over his needless jealousy and washed away his heavy anger. She looked at him as if he were the only man she wanted to see in her life. If only that were true. Besides, what right did he have to keep her from talking to guys anyways? His eyes lowered slowly to the floor.

"Why are you still up?" He asked uncomfortably.

Kagome quickly dropped her gaze down to her cell phone as her heart fluttered uncontrollably. She had almost forgotten why she was down here, so stunned at seeing InuYasha. It was obvious he didn't hear her conversation with Hojo. She doubted he'd be so calm if he heard her mention Kohaku.

But how could she tell him? How could she tell him that she understood what he did and why he did it? How could she tell him she was hoping the boy he saved another lifetime ago was possibly living in her house? She couldn't open such sore wounds when it was just a hunch she was following. She couldn't bring herself to give him pain by revealing the past he wanted to forget. It would be selfish of her to try when she only wanted to share in her overwhelming hope that the Kohaku he knew was alive.

She bit her lower lip slightly as her soul ached to tell him everything. If there was one person in the world she wanted to share in this, it was InuYasha, now more so than ever. Knowledge of all that had transpired in Sango's past gave her new light of the man in front of her. It was hard to keep her arms still from wanting to reach for him, to take away his pain. If anything, she felt more inclined to give herself to him so he'd know that he could have her strength. But she couldn't. He still would not accept her.

Yet even though he still acted tough, he no longer looked so formidable to her now. Instead, he looked….

Her eyes flowed up to capture his own, and InuYasha felt his lips part slightly at the complete adoration and shy acceptance that echoed in her depths. It drew him deeper within her than he could stand.

He wrenched his eyes away quickly and was impressed his voice didn't break from the emotional strain. "Well?"

Kagome blinked out of her reverie and blushed slightly as she looked away. "I was checking up on someone."

InuYasha turned his gaze back on her scrutinizing. "At three in the morning?"

Her blush burned pinker across her fair cheeks. "It was important and couldn't wait until morning."

"Who was so important you couldn't wait to talk to them in another four hours?" He bit out before he internally groaned as his jealousy got the better of him.

Luckily, Kagome didn't notice as she sighed resolutely. "To be honest, I got wind of a potential lead for one of the children at the Shikon House. We've been trying to find out about his past for years. For the longest time we knew nothing about him, not even his last name. Until now, I hope. I was so excited that I had to call Hojo to find out more information for me."

InuYasha frowned. He learned begrudgingly that Kagome never lied, but she did have a way of telling the truth without telling the story. It infuriated him to no end his craving to ask her about every detail she was thinking and feeling at that moment, especially when he prided himself on being indifferent. But with her he wanted to know everything, and knew it would take his entire life to even get a fraction of her secrets. What he would give to know her more than anyone else.

Thankfully, he got the minimum of what he wanted to know. She found there might be information about one of the brats at her orphanage. Not that he gave a rat's ass about any of it. He was just pissed she had to call that little wiener to find the information she was looking for. She could have waited until morning, but it was one of the things he was coming to realize about her. She was selfless. If she could help even one person, she would sacrifice all she had to do so. Subconsciously, he wished he were one of them.

He shrugged carelessly as he turned quickly away to head to the stairs. "Whatever. Get to bed. We're leaving for the arena at one and the last thing I need is a lazy drummer."

Kagome held the need to roll her eyes as she followed after the singer. She wasn't surprised that he didn't ask her more on the subject. It wasn't his way, just as it wasn't her way to pry into his affairs. It definitely wouldn't do to ask him where he was all night, though she was sorely tempted to jab him in the side about it. As if he had the nerve to say she was going to be tired when he was up as late as she was. She wondered if there would ever be a time she could feel comfortable teasing him and laughing with him. How badly she prayed she would be given the chance someday.

But she had to admit she was exhausted, but it didn't stop her for wanting to make sure InuYasha was okay. As they reached their respective doors, Kagome stopped to look over her shoulder to watch InuYasha fumble in his pockets to look for his key card. He seemed so lost and alone behind his hard exterior and she felt her heart bleed for him. She wanted more than anything for him to know she understood, and that she thought that he was valiant and noble for the sacrifices he had made. But how could she let him know without revealing too much? What could she possibly say when no words seemed right?

"InuYasha?"

"Hmn?" He turned to face his door more fully as he pulled out his key.

She was silent for a few moments and InuYasha gritted his teeth as he felt compelled to look at her. Sighing in irritation, he flicked his gaze over his shoulder to see her facing him as she shyly fidgeted with her fingers. He frowned and turned to her, crossing his arms over his chest in discomfort.

"Well?" He grunted as his eyes flicked up and down the corridor in awkwardness. Couldn't she take the hint that he hated being alone with her? He inhaled heavily in aggravation only to smell strawberries and vanilla. His skin prickled in pleasure and a small rush of goose bumps rose then fell on his flesh. God, he'd give anything to bury his face into her hair and feel his body melt right into her.

'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!' He mentally shut his eyes and screamed. How the hell did she do that to him? She was just fucking standing there, for Christ's sake! His fingers clawed sharply into his forearms as he tried to stifle his growing need.

"I just…." She hesitated and huffed slightly trying to rid her anxiety. " I thought you should know that I…."

"Yes?" He asked slowly as his eyes flicked up and down her small frame. He cocked his head warily to the side, unfamiliar with this characteristic of her and what it could mean. She never struggled to say what was on her mind as far as he was aware. Great. Just what he needed, another damn quirk he craved to know about her.

She sighed deeply in resolution before stepping closer to him. She looked up at him with a variety of emotion he never knew could be expressed in one person. He suddenly felt compelled to look away from the intensity of those eyes.

Dropping his arms to fist his hands in his pockets, he stared balefully at the far wall to his right as he tried to swallow the hot butterflies she had stirred in him. How could she possibly make him that weak that he couldn't even look at the girl? He growled low at his lack of composure. "Listen! If you got something to say then just say it."

Before he realized what was happening Kagome stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the corner of his lips.

"I just wanted to say thank you, InuYasha." Her whispered words tickled his cheek and ear as it blew a soft tendril of his hair warmly against his cold face.

He turned towards her in shock before she stepped quietly away from him.

"Just… thank you." She smiled softly.

His gaze flowed dumbly from her smile to her eyes and he almost missed the small tear that trailed down her cheek before she turned quickly to her door. Instinctively, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face him. Her blue eyes glittered up to search his face in confusion as she attempted to wipe away the offending tear, but his hand quickly captured hers to keep her from doing so. She was… crying? For him?

Golden eyes hypnotically watched as the simple bead of water pearled to the corner of her mouth and flood over her bottom lip. He stared at it for what seemed like an eternity before she gently licked her lip to rid the itch the tear had caused.

He opened his mouth to ask why. Why was she crying? Why did she thank him? Why had she kissed him? Why did she enter his life and why couldn't he stop this agonizing feeling he had since he met her? The same feeling that tore at him even now as he gazed unwavering at her beautiful face.

Her wide eyes never once left his and he felt his body quiver as the pain in his chest intensified from the trust and light she held for him. She shed a tear for him. One that held more compassion and empathy than any had ever given him. But no words left his mouth to ask her why, because no words could satisfy his questions. Only one thing could.

Groaning as he succumbed to a higher will, InuYasha swiftly pulled her up to capture her lips into his. He immediately winced as the shocking waves of indescribable exhilaration and pleasure coursed through him as he tasted her. Never before had pain ever felt so fucking good.

His tongue gingerly traced her bottom lip, lapping up the salty trace of her tear. God, how long had he suffered from the need to do this with her, to finally kiss her without pretence or hurt? But it did hurt. It hurt worse than he ever knew it could.

His eyes rolled deliriously beneath his closed lids as her lips immediately softened against his and she fisted into his sweat touched t-shirt to bring her body closer into him. The smell of summer and sweetness flooded over him as her body melted against him. Oh fuck, nothing could pull him from her kiss. Not even the screaming torment that shuddered within his very soul because of it.

She was not his. She could never be his. What woman, what true woman, would want a false man like him? She was everything he wanted, everything he needed, and everything he could never have.

The pain tripled inside him from this hard truth and he buried his lips deeper and harder into hers, begging for her to struggle, to fight him off, to tell him he wasn't worthy. But she held on tighter and, by will even he could not fathom, opened heaven for him to taste.

He moaned heavily as he plundered her mouth, raking his tongue deep within her. He was like a starving man eating his full, revelling in her sighs and shy traces of her tongue against his. But in reality, he was a sinful man, gathering as much light and warmth and grace from heaven as he was allowed before he was cast back into hell. Because once he let go of her, once her lips left him, he knew he'd face reality again. And he could no longer face it without her.

He felt her lips pull from him slightly as she struggled to breath, but he refused. 'Give me one more moment.' He begged through his kiss. 'Please, let me have one more moment. Please, don't let me go.'

But she did. She pulled hastily away to pant heavily below him. Her body shook slightly and it was hard for her to contain the grimace of pain from the grip he had on her body.

InuYasha blinked heavily down at her in confusion before he felt his body heave in a great breath, realizing now how long he had gone without air. Holy fuck, was he that desperate for her kiss that he was willing to suffocate himself within her to have it? He lowered his eyes to her plump, kiss-stained lips. Hell yeah he would.

Kagome breathed in deep before letting her lips form his name. "InuYasha?"

In a haze, he allowed himself to look into her saddened eyes. How he hated to see that emotion there. She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to feel good all the time. Did he cause her so much grief that her heavenly eyes could feel such sorrow?

He swallowed heavily, unable to say anything as he panted shakily before her.

"Were you drinking?" She asked so quietly he almost missed it.

He blinked rapidly, trying to understand what she was getting at. Yes, he went to a bar when he left this evening. He needed to unwind and be alone. He needed to think. Didn't she know that? No, how could she, but then how did she know?

He licked his lips unconsciously and tasted the bitter flavour of alcohol, realizing then why she had stopped. He frowned slightly. She probably hated the taste. Could he blame her? Kagome probably never had a drink in her life. He shifted his head to the side sheepishly wanting to apologize, but her soft voice tore him a new hole he didn't know he could suffer. Humiliation.

"Oh no." Kagome shut her eyes in realization. "You're drunk aren't you?"

InuYasha frowned. Okay, so he had a few beers, and yes, he had a good buzz going for him, but it didn't make him drunk. Okay, maybe a little. He stumbled back slightly, making Kagome trip up with him. Okay, maybe a lot. Was she that repulsed by it that even kissing him made her look sick?

He felt his chest lurch in shameful hurt. He opened his mouth to tell her where he went and why but stopped when she pulled away from him.

"I can't believe I kissed you." She covered her face in her hands as she shut her eyes and lowered her head in remorse. "I can't believe I took advantage of you."

Yet all InuYasha could gather from her muffled words were 'took advantage.' He shut his mouth quickly. 'Took advantage?'

"And you being with Kikyo!" She winced into her hands.

'What's Kikyo got to do with this?' InuYasha thought as he stepped back uncomfortably. Realization dawned on him. She saw them together, after Kikyo went down on him at the first competition a week ago. Fuck, how could he have forgotten that? He felt his cheeks flush slightly. Yeah, had the situation been reversed, he'd be regretting the kiss too. God, what was he thinking? It was understandable Kagome would be upset right now. She probably saw him as a womanizer and a tramp, wanting nothing more than to fuck her. How could she possibly know that she could never be that way for him?

He grimaced. Well, she couldn't be that way for him now. He shut his eyes in regret over the last month and how he had treated her. Before, she was no more than a sex object for him to toy with and break. But she had to know he didn't feel that way now. Didn't she?

Kagome lowered her hands but her eyes never looked up from the ground. "How can I ever forgive myself?"

Okay, maybe not. InuYasha opened his eyes and stared down at her frail form. He felt his stomach fall at the revulsion he saw on her face. She didn't know how he really felt. And from the look on her face, he didn't want to correct her. If she could actually think so little of him, then she saw him as he exactly was. He was a perversion of a real man. He couldn't deny what he had done. He couldn't take back the years he fucked up and fucked around. If he could erase his entire past to rid the look on her face right now, he would. But he couldn't. He was what he was and she was what she was. It was about time he came to grips with that. As much as he wanted her, as much as he could change to be what she wanted, he could never be what she needed.

And the pain of that truth was unbearable.

He turned from her and placed his key in the slot. "Whatever. Don't give a shit about it. It was only a fucking kiss."

Kagome looked up at him in remorse and reached out for his retreating form as he let himself into his room. But the door shut on her before her words made it through. "I'm sorry."

But he heard.

InuYasha shut his eyes briefly as he tossed the key card on the desk and took off his shoes. He was sorry too. He was sorry he couldn't be what she wanted.

Shrugging off his shirt and socks, he stumbled in the dark towards the bathroom, not caring if he woke up Kouga or Miroku. Closing the door behind him, he flicked on the light to be assaulted by his reflection in the mirror. He grimaced from the brightness before his image came into focus. God, he looked more than tired, he looked completely gone. How he hated the man he saw.

Wiping his hand down over his mouth, he angrily tried to rid himself the sweet taste of her lips. Kagome had every right to push him away. And in all honesty, he wanted her to. He wanted her to remain that unattainable thing. It gave him something to look at. It gave him something to feel for, even if it was nothing but pain - pain that was once easy to numb.

He shifted his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag. He eyed the joint inside it warily before he hung his head over the sink. What was the cost of relieving this pain? Before he met her, the object he held in his hand easily deadened him. But now nothing could even touch the agony inside. Instead everything built on the pain she created.

With a flick of his wrist, he tossed the baggie and its item into the toilet and flushed. Looking back up into the mirror, he blinked. His brow was twisted in a slight crease and his mouth in a small scowl, but what got to him the most was the sorrow he saw in his eyes. It was the first time in forever that he had seen anything but indifference in them. And for some reason, it made him relax. So he was in there somewhere. He thought he was gone for good. But instead he was alive. Deep within him, he still had a spark of humanity left. Leave it for a little girl to make him see that.

He licked his dry lips and unconsciously drew his lower lip into his mouth to suckle it. The hint of her salty tear still remained.

He shook his head in humourless defeat. Correction. Leave it for the perfect woman to make him feel it, feel the one thing that told him he was still living. It was pain. True pain.

And he loved it.

He lifted his eyes to gaze once more in the mirror before he shut off the light. He normally hated to go to bed without brushing his teeth, but tonight he wanted to fall asleep with her taste on his tongue. He wanted to feel that pain. It was raw, it was savage and it was true. His mind never wavered from her image, building the emotion to greater heights. She was his muse. She was his insanity.

She was his pain. And he wanted nothing else.

-+-

Kagome sadly put her key and cell phone on the table by the bed. She had stood outside InuYasha's room for several minutes wondering if she should explain. But she knew that admitting her feelings would only cause more distance between them, not to mention awkwardness. It was the last thing they needed so close to the competition. It was the last thing InuYasha needed period.

Kagome sighed as she gazed at the two beds before she crawled back into bed with Sango. Holding the girl against her chest once more, she took slight comfort in the fact that her friend unconsciously held her back. She nuzzled her face into Sango's hair and cringed at the memory of what she had done.

She couldn't believe she kissed him. It seemed so natural to give in to her urge. And when he pulled her up to kiss him once more, she didn't struggle. Instead she pulled him tighter to her body. He couldn't have pulled away if he tried. She forced his lips harder onto hers and opened her mouth to bring in his tongue. As soon as his tongue was in, she tasted and sucked and took it in for all she was worth. She couldn't get enough, not until she tasted the alcohol and numbing realization hit her hard. He wasn't in his right mind. If he were, surely he wouldn't have kissed her back.

She turned over onto her other side and stared out into nothingness. What was she thinking? Why did she do that to him? She twisted her legs up slightly, flinching at the hollow ache and wetness the kiss created. She did this. She took advantage of him to build this feeling. She couldn't argue the fact he didn't kiss her back. He did, and with so much passion and ferocity her legs still shook. But she knew what she was doing. She knew what she wanted from him, but he couldn't give it to her. She needed him - all of him. But he wasn't hers to give. He was Kikyo's.

Kagome whimpered slightly. What was he thinking now? Would he hate her once he sobered up enough to know what she did? Would he tell Kikyo? Would he continue to attack her like he used to? After all this time she tried to build his trust, how could she so foolishly break it for one kiss? A small tear fell from her eye and she shut them tightly in an attempt to bury the memory. She couldn't live with the guilt if she lost his trust.

He told her to forget about it. It was only a kiss. But to her it was so much more. She let herself slip. She let herself give in to temptation. Had she continued, she would have told him how she felt….

She groaned in embarrassment. Saying sorry was not going to cut it. She would have to find some way to make it up to him, and putting her whole self into winning the competition for him tomorrow was the first thing she would do.

She opened her eyes when she felt Sango roll over, whimpering slightly in her sleep. Kagome quietly shifted to spoon her friend to give her comfort, even if it was for her self as well.

She sighed into Sango's hair and shut her eyes. After the competition, the next thing would be to bring their past to peace. She only hoped her assumption was correct. Tomorrow was a new day, and it would be the day she would set things right.

-+-

"Kagome!"

The girl snorted as she was brought quickly into consciousness.

Sango laughed as she tossed a moist towel on the girl's head. "Wake up!"

Kagome rolled over and yawned. She tried to wipe the hard sleep from her eyes as she stretched but it felt like her eyes were caked with it and made them too heavy to open. "What time is it?" She asked groggily.

"Almost noon. We have to take off there soon, so get up."

Kagome finally opened her eyes to look at Sango blearily. The woman was dressed in shredded leather and her make up was already done. "You're awfully awake." She mumbled.

Sango's smile widened. "Yeah. I don't know why. I just feel… good." Her smile softened. "Thanks."

Kagome tried to smile but her mind was too heavy. Sitting up, she cast her eyes to the clock before dropping her gaze to the floor. It was hard to put her mind in the right perspective when she wasn't sure what the perspective should be.

"You okay?" Sango asked as she studied Kagome's face. She looked so withdrawn and sad. Was it something she said last night?

Kagome lifted her blue eyes to look sadly at her friend. After all that they shared last night with each other, was there any point to hold anything back? She sighed and cast her eyes to the floor once more. "I kissed InuYasha last night."

"What! When! Where! How!" Sango dropped what she was doing and sat on the other bed opposite from her. "What happened?"

Kagome covered her eyes in mortification and rested her elbows on her legs. "I don't know!" She shook her head. "It happened all so fast. I didn't mean for it to go the way it did."

Sango busted out laughing. "Geez, Kags. Don't make it sound like it was the end of the world."

Kagome shook her head once more and dropped her hands onto her legs. "It was a mistake."

The smile on Sango's face faded. "Why?"

Kagome looked up at her in shock. "Why? Because… because it was InuYasha!"

"So?" Sango shrugged and eyed her friend with a frown. Could it be that Kagome really couldn't accept InuYasha for his past mistakes - to take him for what he really was and not what he appeared to be? Did Kagome even know who he really was?

Kagome looked at Sango in confusion before dropping her gaze in humility. "I shouldn't think of him in that way. He's… too far away from me."

Sango tilted her head in confusion. "Maybe we should take this from the top. Tell me what happened."

Kagome sighed and began to tell Sango about what happened last night, omitting the reason why she had to make the phone call, but luckily that wasn't what was on Sango's mind.

"Then he told me to forget about it. It was just a kiss. Then he went in his room. I never even got to tell him I was sorry. I mean, how can he ever forgive me? I let my impulse ahead of my mind."

Sango was silent for a few moments. "Kagome, what made you think he didn't want to kiss you back?"

The raven-haired girl shrugged. "Because he's never shown interest in me before… not in a good way, I mean."

Sango quickly sobered. It was true. InuYasha had been after the girl in more ways than one. She knew he was after vengeance at first, yet she also knew her best friend well enough to know he began to care deeply for the girl. But InuYasha was terrified of showing how he really felt. Could she blame Kagome for being so confused?

"Kagome… if you thought that he didn't want you, why did you kiss him?"

Kagome covered her face in her hands. "Please don't think awful about me."

Sango rested a hand on Kagome's knee. "Kagome, the last thing I can think about is bad thoughts about you."

Kagome dropped her hands and gave Sango a weak smile. "I… I really wanted to kiss him. For some reason, it felt like it was the only way I'd ever get the chance to let him really know how I felt." She lowered her eyes to the floor between them. "But he wasn't really in the best of conditions to really feel it. To him, it was just a kiss. To me…."

"It was how you really felt?"

Kagome nodded. "I… only wanted to be there for him. But somewhere down the road, it became so much more."

Sango felt her chest lift in happiness and she struggled to contain her smile. "So? Why not go with it? See where it goes?"

Kagome shook her head. "He doesn't think of me in that way. He doesn't think well of me at all. And besides, even if he did, he has Kikyo."

The happiness dropped like a dead weight as all that was on Kagome's mind came crashing down on Sango. She bit her lip nervously. "You know him for what he is, Kagome. He's had a hard life and he doesn't know how to react because of it. But try not to look too deep into what he does, or who he's with."

Kagome tilted her head slightly in confusion.

"InuYasha… he's never had a girlfriend. Yes, he's had women, but they were not what you call the relationship type. Kikyo is one of them."

Kagome lowered her head in realization and slight dread. "Oh."

"She doesn't mean anything to him. Just one thing."

Kagome nodded her head and paled. It felt like her stomach wanted to crawl into her throat and choke her. She knew InuYasha wasn't a virgin. In fact his whole aura exuded experience. She just didn't want to know anyone had touched him in that way, it made her feel… ordinary and obsolete. "She's his…."

"Dealer."

Kagome shot her eyes up at Sango in shock. "Huh?"

Sango shrugged. "Kikyo is not his lover, though she does use him. She's his dealer."

Vision of cold brown eyes and a dark sneer echoed out of her memory and Kagome could feel her chest grow cold. "Uses him?"

Sango blinked. She hadn't expected Kagome to question that. She nodded slightly. "InuYasha has no attraction for that slut whatsoever. She brings him what he wants, gets him high and then takes what she wants from him: sex, money and promises. It's her job to keep him in debt so she could stay the fucking leech that she is. She doesn't care for him. He just gives her what she wants because most times he doesn't have a say in the matter."

Kagome's chest tightened as an old forgotten feeling began to creep back into her consciousness. Rage. Rage against injustice and weakness and fear. All the things Kikyo preyed upon with InuYasha. The need to smite the soulless bitch down wracked against her soul.

Sango's eyes widened slightly at the undeniable fury that darkened Kagome's eyes into sapphire pools. She had never seen Kagome look so fierce and determined. It was terrifying to see the soulful angel turn into a wrathful goddess. She watched as Kagome stood and walked to the window. Her piercing blue eyes scanned the skyline as if searching for something before her tense shoulders began to sag as her sorrow dragged her down from her heights.

She turned to her friend with sadness in her eyes. "And nothing you say has helped."

It wasn't a question, but Sango shook her head. "He won't listen. He has made her his punishment, among other things. He believes he deserves nothing else but that."

Kagome slowly blinked and cast her eyes once more out on the horizon. "He deserves so much more." She stated quietly. "He deserves everything he could possibly want."

"Yeah. He does." Sango looked up at Kagome in sadness. 'And the only thing he wants is you. Please be patient with him, Kagome. Give him time. Give him a chance. He deserves that much.'

Kagome sighed and smiled softly over at the woman sitting on the bed. "Then the first thing we should give him is the third competition."

Sango blinked then smiled as she watched Kagome head to the bathroom to get ready. For some reason, her body felt like the whole world could fit inside her. Kagome was not going to forsake InuYasha. And from the look on the girl's face, she was going to bring him back. Of all the people that could reach him, she knew Kagome would. Sango felt hope, a feeling she didn't know she could ever feel again. She grinned happily as she set about packing up the rest of her things.

Kagome turned the shower on to heat as she quickly took off her pyjamas and brushed her teeth simultaneously. Her chat with Sango made her feel significantly better. She no longer felt like she was the 'other woman' anymore, though she still wondered what InuYasha felt about the kiss. But it wouldn't do to bask in what was done. Her mind needed to focus on what needed to be done. Her determination to see InuYasha through was doubled. There was nothing now to keep her from her task. Before, she was governed by her fear and her doubt. Now she knew what she was meant to do.

Her shower was quick but just enough time to revive her senses and wake her up fully. She stepped out of the bathroom with a large towel around her body while she towel dried her hair. "What time are we leaving?"

Sango smiled slightly as Kagome threw open her duffle bag in a mad rush. "As soon as you're ready. We are to meet outside the arena around one thirty to meet with the press and our fans."

'Fans.' Kagome blushed slightly at the thought. But she guessed that's what they were. The competition was judged by votes. People from all over Japan would be watching and will be able to vote by the Internet. The audience will also vote the same way, with small computers attached to their seats. They would be their toughest sell. Meeting those fans was a way to put better odds in one's favour. And it didn't hurt having a few radio promos done before hand to make their band well known. She silently thanked Sesshomaru for that. Not many other bands were given that opportunity. Their manager was certainly one step ahead. InuYasha couldn't deny his brother's support from all the strings he had to pull to get them where they are.

It didn't take long for Kagome to dress in her black cargo pants and electric blue body suit. She had liked the red one very much and went out before they left Kyoto to get another one. Red had readily contrasted against her black hair, but the blue really brought out her eyes.

Sango whistled appreciatively and set about helping Kagome with her make up. By the time her hair and make up were done, a heavy pounding shuddered against their door.

Kagome looked up as Sango jogged to the door while she finished packing up her supplies. They were leaving soon after the competition and it was best they had their stuff ready to go.

Sango quickly pulled the door open as another shuddering knock echoed through the room. She scowled hard at the three men that stood there.

"You ready or do you need another hour to put on your face?"

"Shut up, InuYasha." She left the door open and the guys followed her inside.

"I see that they're more ready than you are, Yash." Miroku grinned as Kagome zipped up her duffle bag. He gave Sango a small kiss on the lips. "You'd think a closet blew up in our room."

"Pft. I'll pack when I damn well have to. Besides, the maid can tidy it up." The silver haired man griped as he watched Kagome from the corner of his eye. She looked hot in her blue suit and dark cargos. He unconsciously licked his lower lip, wishing he could still taste her.

"I don't think that's wise, Dog Breath." Kouga sneered. "Not many women can stomach you naked, let alone handle your dirty underwear."

InuYasha's face flamed as his eyes flicked from Kagome to Kouga and back. He wanted to murder the man who dared to embarrass him in front of her, but a small hint of a smile curved on her perfect lips as she hoisted her bag to bring to the corner of the room.

His shoulders eased somewhat at seeing her struggle to hold back her smile. He was hoping that there would be no awkwardness because of last night. If anything, he wanted to forget it happened. Well, the kiss he'd keep, the rest could be wiped from existence. He wondered how things would be between them now, but so far, things seemed pretty normal. She was smiling at least, though he didn't appreciate it coming from his own expense.

He growled low and eyed the blue-eyed man. "You're one to talk, Ko. This coming from a guy wearing Pikachu underwear."

"Hey! He's vintage!" Kouga collapsed on one of the beds. "What the fuck are you doing knowing what underwear I have on anyways?"

Miroku snickered as he nodded his head at Kouga's crotch. "Franks and beans, Ko!"

Kouga quickly looked down at his crotch to see his zipper wide open and a Pikachu waving happily out at the world. "Fuck! Little late than never, Miroku?" He quickly zipped up his pants.

Miroku laughed and shrugged as he moved to sit on the other bed. "Hey, I wasn't going to say a thing. Figured it'd be cool to see it on the tabloids."

"You bastard!" Kouga lunged from his bed and tackled Miroku into the other one.

InuYasha smirked at their antics before wandering to the window where Kagome now stood. She was watching the men wrestle with a roll in her eyes, though they twinkled with unbridled laughter.

"How'd you like it if your underwear was out!" Kouga reached in Miroku's black jeans to give him a wedgie.

"What underwear?" Miroku snorted into the blankets.

"Gah!" Kouga pushed the man away from him and leapt off the bed. He pointed a finger accusingly at Sango. "You could have fucking warned me!"

"And ruin the moment?" Sango smiled sweetly. "Besides, it's good for Miroku to know what it's like to be grabbed by a man."

Miroku flicked his eyebrows at Kouga as he rested lazily on the messed up bed. "Was it good for you?"

Kouga grimaced in revulsion and flung a pillow at his face.

The room echoed with laughter, but the only thing InuYasha could hear was the soft giggles Kagome smothered into her hand. Her eyes twinkled brightly and her smile lit up her face when she lowered her hand from her mouth. She cast her eyes up at him and her smile faded to one of soft shyness before she looked over at her friends once more.

InuYasha's chest constricted from the pain he was becoming all too familiar with, and he revelled in it. She may have regretted what they did last night, but she didn't hold it against him- and he wouldn't it hold it against her. It was what it was. A mistake. One of many he has done with her. And from the look she had given him just then, one that required no apology or mention, just like everything else.

He cast his eyes out the window at the bright sunny sky overhead. Today looked like a good day.

Kagome tried to steady her breath when InuYasha stood beside her at the window. She wasn't sure how to react. She wanted desperately to apologize for her behaviour and she hoped it wouldn't hurt their friendship. But now was not the time or place for it. She watched distractedly as her friends joked and wrestled, but all the while her mind was set on the man beside her. She giggled when Miroku teased Kouga, but her attention quickly turned to the man who was watching her.

She cast her eyes up, expecting to see anger or hatred in his cold eyes. Instead, she saw hopeful curiosity. She felt captured in that odd emotion. She had never seen him look like that before and it made her feel somewhat shy. She quickly turned to look back at her friends though she watched the man beside her on the sly.

He eventually turned his gaze back out the window and she slowly turned to look out with him. He seemed contemplative and reserved.

"It looks like a good day." She stated softly.

His ears perked at her words and he grunted.

"A brand new day."

He didn't respond. He looked blindly out at the world as the butterflies made a home in his chest.

"Maybe even a new start."

InuYasha looked over at her with a slight frown. She searched his face briefly before turning her eyes out the window. So many emotions flicked through those eyes, but the one that stood out most was hope. He wondered what it was for.

He followed her gaze out the window. 'A new start….' Would he be so lucky to have that with her?

He watched from the corner of his eye as she shifted her balance and sighed softly. He realized then that it wasn't a statement, but a question. He swallowed the hopeful lump in his throat as he pondered the meaning but in actuality he didn't care. He lowered his head in a slight nod. "Yeah."

Nothing in the whole world felt more right then the smile that graced her lips as she looked down at the busy streets of Tokyo. "Yeah."

He crossed his arms and leaned against the window frame as he looked down with her. A new start. But where did it start? What were they to each other? What was he to her? What was she to him?

"Come on, guys. The taxi is waiting!" Sango smiled as she gathered up her things.

InuYasha listened as his band laughed and joked as they headed out of the room. Looking up, he was relieved to see Kagome holding the door open and waiting for him. She smiled. A smile that he felt was just his. He felt his chest ache at the need to touch her.

He already knew what she was to him, the stirring of complete agonizing ecstasy in his veins told him that much. She was his torment. If he could learn to feel anything else he'd know it would be because of that pain. But as of yet, that was all he had. And he held it like a lifeline.

InuYasha lowered his eyes and walked out of the room, making sure not to touch her as he went. Kagome's smile faded as she watched him move like a shadow out into the hallway. She quietly shut the door behind her and followed him. She watched as he moved sombrely. Everything about him looked so smooth and perfect on the outside. His red t-shirt and dark jeans seemed to be the only thing of colour on him. The rest was pale.

Kagome felt her heart flutter at the sight of him, but more so, felt the need to be near him to give herself to him if need be. She prayed. She prayed he'd understand. He had the potential to hold so much purity. The kind that could never be corrupted. If only he believed in himself.

Today was a new day. It was a new start. She was no longer going to wait on the line. She was not going to be governed by her rational approach. No, now her spirit will guide her. She will stand beside him through it all. She wanted for him to wake up just as much as he needed it. It was time for him to ascend out of his darkness, and she would walk with him as he went.

She was his friend after all.

InuYasha chanced a glance back at her and Kagome felt her breath leave her. His golden eyes looked so deep and so void of light. Yet at the bottom of those depths she saw him call for mercy. He turned from her quickly as he headed down the stairs and Kagome slowly sighed. She may never know what she was to him, but she would very well show him what he was to her.

He was her purpose.

A/N And another chapter! I am feeling good and I am on a roll. I really want to thank my beta for cleaning up my work. I wouldn't feel right posting without her input. Thank you, Missy! You are awesome! And also, thank you all for reading my story.

And I don't know if I mentioned it or not but Demons won second place on the IYFG thingy. Best AU! Thank you for all who nominated and voted for me. It really allowed me to touch base with more readers and develop more wonderful friendships. DWU was also nominated for the feudal association too. Good luck to all those nominated and happy reading!

Okay, I'm writing the next chapter as we speak, but I doubt I'll have it up before New Years, so I just want to say Happy New Years! I hope you all have a wonderful year of fantastic memories and joyous experiences. And as always, Laugh, Love and Live!

WDW


	19. To Pain With Love

Loud cheering was heard when the door of their chartered taxi opened. Kagome couldn't help but smile wide as she stepped out, quickly shielding her eyes in the process. The sun had reached its peak and it was a big change from the tinted interior of the van. Not to mention the heat was unbearably heavy compared to the luxury of the van's air conditioning. But looking out at the tons of smiling faces and banners, Kagome couldn't ask for anything better.

Perdition seemed to be a favourite already. Homemade shirts and signs littered the crowd and several cameras clicked as they headed towards the entrance. Walking up the path into the arena, Kagome was overwhelmed by the amount of hands wanting to touch them and have their autographs. Kouga, Sango and Miroku had already veered off to talk to people in the crowd, leaving her to observe nervously. She wasn't quite sure what to do.

She watched as InuYasha walked along the edge of the red ropes that were holding off the masses, signing autographs and touching people's hands. It was adorable seeing him fidget when young girls told him they loved him, but not so adorable watching scantily clad women flaunt their assets and pawing at him. She frowned slightly as she saw him smirk sexily at them.

"Kagome!"

She whirled her head in the direction of her name to see a young girl holding her hand out to her.

"Sign my book?" She asked nervously.

Kagome smiled brightly and walked over to her. "You want my autograph?"

The girl nodded, her blue-black hair shone bright in the noonday sun.

Kagome took the small scrapbook and opened it. Several drawings and poems flooded the pages. She looked up. "Did you do all this?"

The girl blushed and nodded again.

"These are amazing." Kagome opened up a page with a pure white lotus blossom stretching its petals to every edge. Kagome's smile faded to one of quiet memories. She looked up at the girl. "What's your name?"

"Haily."

"Haily, would you mind if I signed my name on this page? Lotus blossoms are my favourite."

Haily nodded excitedly.

Smiling softly, Kagome signed beneath one of the delicate petals. She handed the book back to the girl. "Keep up with that. You have true talent and I always believed the heart has a way of bringing itself out in what we do. And it's what we do that makes us unique."

The girl smiled. "Thank you, Kagome."

Kagome winked. "Pray for us tonight."

"I will!"

Kagome turned her head as more called her name. She took her time talking with each one and signing her name. By the time she drew closer to the doors, her hand was exhausted.

She looked briefly inside and saw the rest of Perdition talking to each other, no doubt waiting on her. She looked back at the crowd and returned the last memento she signed. She was about to head inside when a sad voice caught her attention.

"Don't cry, Aimi. It's alright."

Kagome cast her eyes over at two girls who were trying to console their friend. The preteen looked like she wanted to cry and was fighting with all her strength not to.

"Are you okay?" Kagome asked.

Aimi blushed and lowered her head as she nodded, too ashamed to have someone see her tears.

"Kagome?" One of her friends asked. "Can you sign her book? We tried to get InuYasha, but he didn't hear us."

"Yeah. He's her favourite. You should see all the pictures she drew of him." The other friend smiled.

Aimi lowered her head in embarrassment.

"Really?" Kagome smiled. "I don't mind signing one more thing, but I know how you must feel. InuYasha is my favourite too."

Aimi smiled through her slight depression. She shyly handed Kagome her book.

Kagome looked down at the scrapbook and saw several pictures of InuYasha through the pages. She grinned slightly as she handed the book back to Aimi. "Wait here."

The girl nodded in confusion and Kagome headed into the lobby. She smiled at Sango who waved at her to come over to the reporter she was talking to. She lifted her finger, asking for a moment, and headed over to InuYasha who was talking to a very attractive reporter. Kagome recognized her as the VJ from one of the music television stations that the teens watched at the orphanage. She lifted an eyebrow as K-Jo, if she remembered the reporter's name correctly, sidled up closer to their singer as she asked him more questions.

InuYasha had his arms crossed and seemed to be in his element with the young woman. His eyes darted around the room as he answered some miscellaneous question before they landed on Kagome. He immediately stopped in mid-sentence as Kagome lifted a hand slightly to call him over, feeling a bit shy at interrupting his interview.

InuYasha nearly growled when K-Jo blocked his view of his drummer and shot her a stern look. He waved his hand to the reporter, signalling her to stay put as he walked cautiously over to Kagome and led her a few feet away.

"What?" He murmured uncomfortably as he looked around the lobby, taking in several other bands that were also being interviewed. He hated for everyone else to be getting so much attention when he should be doing the same to promote Perdition. But he couldn't bring himself to care so much about it when he saw the worry on Kagome's face.

She bit her lower lip sheepishly; knowing what she was about to ask would most likely annoy him to no end. "I was just hoping if you could do me a favour."

InuYasha tilted his head to the side warily. Kagome never asked anything of him. Hell, no one asked anything of him. What the hell could be so important?

"And that would be?" He asked gruffly.

Kagome looked out the doors and smiled shyly. "Do you mind signing one more autograph?"

InuYasha blinked then rolled his eyes in frustration. "That's your favour? To sign another autograph? Shit, it took me forever to get out of that crowd and you're asking me to go back in? No way! One more autograph would lead to a million more and I'm in the middle of a fucking interview!" He hissed.

Kagome sighed and nodded in disappointment, but acceptance. "I understand. I'm sorry." She turned and headed back to the entrance.

InuYasha crossed his arms and watched her go before a small growl erupted from his chest. "Fine!" He jogged up behind her. "One more, and that's it!"

Kagome's smile was elated. She took his hand and led him to the doors.

InuYasha became oblivious to everything around him. As soon as Kagome took his hand he felt his entire body betray him. Her essence had folded around him like an embrace and all he could perceive was her. He blinked back into consciousness when she spoke.

"Aimi?" Kagome looked out into the crowd.

"Here." The girl waved further down the line.

Kagome smiled and led InuYasha to the girl. It lifted her heart to see the girl staring at the silver haired man in such love struck wonder.

"InuYasha, this is Aimi, your biggest fan." Kagome smiled at him.

InuYasha cast his gaze from Kagome's happy blue eyes to the wide onyx pools of the small girl below him. He lifted his lips in a hint of a smile. "My biggest, huh?"

Aimi nodded dumbly.

"Well, what can I do for my biggest fan?" He cocked his head to the side and relaxed his stance. It was a pose he mastered that made a girl of any age swoon.

Kagome giggled into her hand as Aimi shakily held out her book.

"Can… you sign… my book?" She looked from her scrapbook to his golden eyes and back.

InuYasha lifted a brow as he took the book and lazily flipped through the pages. He was impressed by the amount of pictures the girl had collected. He doubted they even had that many of him in the family albums back at the mansion, not that he cared. He stopped when he reached a picture of him standing next to Kagome after they won the first competition. Kagome's proud face was smiling happily up at him and he was smiling slightly down at the crowd. It was a nice picture. He stared at it for a few moments longer, his eyes lingering on Kagome's image. He quietly signed his name under the picture and handed the open page to Kagome.

Her blue eyes looked at him stunned before she looked down at the picture. She smiled faintly and signed her name next to his before she handed it back to him.

Leaning down closer to Aimi, InuYasha handed back her scrapbook and winked. "Here ya are, beautiful." Then he did the least expected and kissed Aimi on the cheek. Standing, he flicked his eyes to Kagome and began to walk back to the entrance, actively ignoring the shouts and vies for his attention.

Kagome smiled softly at his back. She gave Aimi one last wave and trotted after him.

Aimi cupped her red flushed cheek and smiled happily at their retreating forms. "Thank you, Kagome." She whispered.

"That was too cute." Sango chuckled as they entered the lobby.

"Shut up." InuYasha flushed and cast his gaze around the room to look at nothing in particular. Leave it for his nosey friends to pry.

"Aw. Lil' Inu's first kiss." Kouga baby-eyed him and made smoochie lips.

Amber eyes flashed dangerously at the man. "Don't make me kill you."

"Lighten up, Yash." Miroku smiled. "Think of the wonderful memory you made for that girl."

"Dear Diary. Today I was kissed for the first time. Sigh! I love InuYasha, heart, heart, heart." Kouga said in a lovesick voice while he wrote in the air. "I think he is so dreamy."

InuYasha buried his hands deep into his pockets. His nose grew a soft pink from the blush he was fighting. "Fuck off, she doesn't think that!"

"You'd be surprised the level of mindless dribble a young girl has." A smooth voice stated behind them. All turned to see Sesshomaru approach, dressed pristine and perfect in a cream Armani suit. "One saying 'I love InuYasha' is proof enough of that."

"Keh." InuYasha sneered. "You're just jealous."

"Hardly. Being the attention of prepubescent females is harrowing enough, let alone a mass of adolescent ones." Sesshomaru glanced nonchalantly down at his palm pilot.

"The Great Sesshomaru is afraid of little girls??" Miroku raised an eyebrow and his lips curled in a mocking leer.

Sesshomaru never bothered to look up from his palm pilot. "Try hosting a slumber party for a crowd of eight years olds and then ask me that question."

Everyone laughed while InuYasha smirked and Sesshomaru frowned at his miniature computer.

"I have arranged a few interviews with some well known agencies in town." He stated coolly. "They are expecting to meet with you in a few minutes. I suggest you get your act together and head over to the podium." With that, he walked into the crowd towards the interview area. His silence commanded that they all follow.

InuYasha gave his brother's back a deadly glare before following slowly behind his band. He hated the smugness his brother carried but begrudgingly accepted the effort Sesshomaru went through to arrange these interviews, though he'd rather go without.

Contrary to what others may think, he hated giving interviews. People had no fucking right to pry into his business, let alone think they knew him just because they had a name for themselves. All he wanted to do was to sing and play with his band. Unfortunately, interviews came with fame, and with fame came money, and with money he could have an entirely different life. One to finally call his own. So he took every interview with an act of superiority. He perfected the posture and voice to make him seem approachable and attainable, but once the cameras were off he just wanted to be left alone. God, he couldn't wait to get out of this hellhole and onto the stage. Then he would show everyone his worth as he truly wanted! None of this 'how does it feel' bullshit each and every reporter regurgitated at him.

A small tug on his arm had InuYasha snap out of his resentment. He looked down to his side in sharp annoyance to see who dared to bother him now. He blinked and looked away awkwardly when he saw that it was Kagome. She was making it a habit of being there when he least expected.

"Thank you." She said quietly as she walked beside him. He could smell her sweet softness and had to fist his hands to keep his composure.

"For what?" He mumbled.

"For making that little girl happy. Miroku was right, you gave her a very special memory." Her words flowed over him like milk and honey and soothed his frayed nerves.

"Whatever. Forget it, I already have." He shrugged and moved a few steps ahead of her, trying to lose her in the crowd. He wished she'd stop making him feel this way.

"I won't." Kagome stated softly behind him, so softly that he was sure only his ears could hear. It seemed like her voice was the only thing he could sense in the heavily packed lobby.

"You did a good thing, InuYasha. You're a good man."

He stopped suddenly and turned to glare at her. "It was nothing. Leave it alone!"

Kagome's lips turned in a secretive smile before she tilted her head proudly away from him. "It may have meant nothing to you, but it meant something to me. Everything you do does." With that, she moved into the crowd to catch up with the rest of their band.

InuYasha watched her go in shock before he followed begrudgingly behind. Stupid fucking butterflies.

-+-

The afternoon passed without much interruption, though InuYasha couldn't stop complaining that time wasn't going fast enough. Now they all waited in the large bay behind the stage area waiting for their turn to compete. 'They', of course, meant every band participating in the challenge excluding the one now performing. Perdition was again one of the final bands to play, thus had the privilege of being stuck with their competition without anywhere else to go.

InuYasha growled low for what seemed the hundredth time that hour. If talking to reporters was the bane of his existence, then being in the company of several girl pop bands was his hell. At first it was the perfect distraction. He swallowed up as much attention from each seducing woman that came up to him, sometimes in groups. He smouldered them with his golden eyes and smirked at each caress of his chest and arms. Yet nothing they did sparked even the slightest burn that one smile from Kagome could give. After a short while he grew tired of their giggles and innuendos but couldn't bring himself to rid them from his person. He'd rather face them then the beautiful woman that waited nervously at the other side of the grand room.

Kagome sighed deeply once more as she gazed up at the clock.

"Don't worry so much, Kags." Sango nudged her with her elbow. "You're starting to make me feel sick."

Kagome smiled slightly over at her friend. "Sorry. I'm just so anxious. I can't wait to get on stage and play for some reason."

Kouga shrugged against the cold wall he was leaning on. "We'll be on soon enough. There are still four bands before us."

Kagome nodded and again looked up at the clock.

"Will you stop doing that!" Sango snapped, looking a little pale.

Kagome scrunched her eyes in rebuke and decided it best to put her attention back on the room. She cast her eyes around the crowded bay, taking in once more the array of musicians. They ranged in age, race and style. Yet no matter their physical differences, each group seemed to congregate around their own style of music. Well, all except the harem that settled around InuYasha.

A cold lump settled in her stomach when she saw two women giggle at something InuYasha said. Now she knew why the clock looked so much better.

She eyed InuYasha briefly and shook her head exasperatedly at the look of slight discomfort on their singer's lips. She knew he was avoiding her, but did he have to go to the extreme to do so? He looked like a wild dog on display. He was fine to observe, but no one was supposed to get too close. Any moment now one of those girls will do something to make him snap. Kagome knew it would be more kosher to rescue them before that happened, but she also knew that an irate InuYasha would be the best deterrent for any woman that wanted to bed a wild animal. She smiled to herself when she saw him once again close his eyes and let out an inaudible growl as one woman stoked his arm and breathed into his ear, making him flinch.

Kagome cast her eyes away from the scene towards the front of the bay where the punk groups were situated. It was interesting to see the different colours and styles of each band and how they all reacted with each other. But what gave her particular interest was a small scuffle near the doors beside them. She rolled her eyes and flicked her chin in that direction.

"Sango. I believe your significant other has gone wayward."

Sango looked quickly around until her eyes narrowed on Miroku backing away from a very pissed off woman with flaming pink hair. "That no good, backstabbing, son of a…." Her tirade faded as she stormed over to him.

Kouga pushed himself off the wall in a hurry. "I'd better referee or things will get ugly."

Kagome nodded and watched him go, her eyes holding in her laughter as Sango smacked Miroku in the back of the head while he hastily tried to argue his innocence. She pulled her attention away from the imminent scene and again rested her eyes on the clock. Another half an hour and they were up.

"Excuse me?"

Blue eyes turned to collide into violet. Kagome blinked and scanned her gaze over a very handsome onyx haired man. Her lips automatically mimicked his friendly smile. "Yes?"

The man's smile grew somewhat shy. "You're Kagome, right? Drummer for Perdition?"

She nodded.

"I'm Jared." He shrugged a shoulder nervously. "I play drums for Sunder." He pointed to a band behind him.

Kagome nodded politely at him. "Sunder. I heard your band play just a little while ago. You sounded great."

"Thanks." He fiddled nervously with a set of drumsticks that he was carrying before he felt brave enough to speak again. "I… uh… heard Perdition on the radio a few times. A lot really. You guys sound pretty good."

"Thanks." Kagome tilted her head and let her lips quirk slightly. Her eyes turned towards his band that was watching them on the sly. She wasn't sure what this was all about, but she wasn't about to be rude. Besides, Jared seemed very nice, though terribly shy.

She watched him twirl his sticks around his fingers timidly as he looked around. It was obvious he wanted to chat but was too much of an introvert to continue a conversation. Suddenly, an idea struck her and she pulled her own sticks from her back pocket.

"Fancy finger work." She twisted a drumstick around each finger of her right hand slowly. "Can you do this?" She proceeded to spin the stick rapidly until it was a whirl of oak between her fingers.

Jared grinned and his shoulders automatically relaxed. The dare to talk to the girl he had a crush on now turned into a duel of the drummers. Now that he could handle. He mimicked her trick and proceeded to do the same with his other stick in his other hand.

"Oh. Taking it up a notch?" Kagome smiled and followed suit before trimming down to the ends and doubling the speed.

Jared eyed her shyly before his lips turned into a comfortable smile. Within moments they were in a full blown spinning war. Jared's band had gathered around and was rooting for him while a few other drummers came up and entered into the challenge.

InuYasha glanced up when he heard Kagome laugh. His eyes narrowed into lava pools as several men cheered. He could barely see what was going on, just catching glimpses of his drummer between several guys as a crowd formed around them.

"So, Inu Baby, I'm staying at the…." InuYasha pushed whoever the hell was in his way and stormed over to the circle.

"Fuck! Look at her go!" A man shouted and several catcalls echoed around the bay.

InuYasha flared and tore his way through the horde until he reached the edge of the excitement. He snarled when he saw Kagome between three men in the centre of the crowd.

"Kick their ass, Kagome!" Sango shouted.

InuYasha was stunned to see Perdition on the opposite side of him catcalling and cheering for their drummer. He stood back slightly and turned his attention back to Kagome, finally seeing what was going on. All four seemed to be in an all out spin fight and Kagome was giving them a run for their money. He watched entranced as her fingers flowed like water around her sticks, moving them like they were a part of her.

Suddenly, Kagome was jostled by one of the guys, almost making her lose a stick. InuYasha's angry shout was lost within so many others at the cheap shot. Yet Kagome easily gained back her control and gave the man a raised brow in her confidence. InuYasha's hands fisted as he silently cheered her on, wanting her beat those fuckers for everything she was worth.

Kagome couldn't stop smiling and letting out a joyful laugh as she spun faster than the others. Then out of the blue, Jared pulled a stunt and flicked his sticks in the air and caught them without stopping the spin.

"Oh, is that how it's going to be?" Kagome purred and backed up.

InuYasha couldn't help the twinge in his cock at the hunted look her eyes and the confident smirk on her full lips. He stumbled when the crowd moved back to give her room and he lost his place in the front. Growling, he shouldered his way back in only to be assaulted by the most wild image he had yet to encounter.

Kagome swung her hair back as she spun while tossing the sticks in the air before catching one in her front and one behind her back before moving in an untamed dance. All three men stopped their spinning to watch in hot lust as she flicked her hips to the distant beat from the performing band, before twirling around and around, spinning the sticks without losing her rhythm. Suddenly she dropped to her knees with her legs spread wide and slowly bent back until her head nearly rested on the floor. She twirled one stick between her legs and the other in front of her eyes, yet her focus wasn't on the stick, but on InuYasha.

She looked at him in surprise before she gave him a slight wink and mellowed her lips into his own private smile. InuYasha stared heatedly down at her bent form, taking in the toned muscles and feminine curves that stretched as she held her position. Too soon did Kagome lift her body back into a kneeling position and stood up smoothly, as if some unseen force lifted her, while spinning the sticks vigorously between her fingers.

InuYasha bit his lower lip as she twirled once more, lifting her hands above her head and swaying her body back down to the ground and then back up, all the while spinning the sticks as if they were whirling blades. She looked like an ethereal dancer as her body swayed and arched with grace and might. She moved like she was energy itself, but her whole countenance made her forbidden and unreal. It was the most erotic thing InuYasha had ever seen. And he wanted her.

"Perdition! Line up!" A man called from the doorway leading to the stage area, breaking the moment.

Kagome stopped spinning and laughed happily at the applause. Sango leapt from the crowd and hugged into her shoulders, laughing along with her, while Kouga and Miroku just stared at her as if in a trance. Both men reluctantly looked up when they heard a threatening growl to see InuYasha pierce them with a glare before he moved towards the door. Taking the hint, both men ushered the girls through the appraising crowd towards the doorway to meet InuYasha.

Kagome looked up at him when they drew near and smiled brightly, trying to hold back her glee. InuYasha blinked in a daze at her flushed face and deep sparkling eyes as she stared up at him, as if begging for him to share in her rush. That same secretive smile she blessed only for him settled easily on her lips and InuYasha felt his chest lurch in intense desire. He opened his mouth to say something but was quickly cut off.

"Kagome!"

She turned from him to smile warmly at Jared as he came jogging up to her.

Jared smiled happily before it fell into a shy grin. "I, uh…." He shrugged and nodded slightly to the door. "I just wanted to say good luck, and uh… see you after your show."

Kagome tapped her sticks against her forehead in a small salute before following her friends out into the hallway.

InuYasha held back to watch them go before he turned lightening induced eyes at the man. Jared immediately lost his grin and backed up, taking the message. Kagome was claimed.

With a lingering glare, InuYasha turned and followed after his band.

He met up with them behind the stage and was somewhat relieved to see their equipment waiting for them. Sesshomaru had the stage crew ready their guitars and headsets before they were to go on, thus they didn't have such a mad rush to get ready. Luckily, they still had a few moments to get themselves comfortably prepared. The band before them was in the middle of playing their set and would be cued for a commercial break before Perdition was up.

InuYasha watched as Miroku and Kouga slightly strummed a few chords to test their strings while several stagehands placed the headsets against their ears. He flinched when someone pulled at his hair and flicked his eyes at a stern woman as she tucked his hair back to place his headset on and tested the volume. He crossed his arms in annoyance and cast his eyes away from her only for them to settle on Kagome.

She was smiling sympathetically at Sango as his best friend talked quietly with her. It was hard not to flinch at the daggers Sango tossed at Miroku's back. Obviously his guitarist was in trouble and by the nervous twitches of Miroku's eyebrow, the guitarist already knew.

InuYasha settled his eyes back on Kagome who was delicately pulling a strand of her hair from her headset as she said something to cool Sango's nerves. It was clear that the two women had become very close. The way they talked and moved with each other made him see they forged a very solid bond. It made him feel slightly jealous, though he knew he had no reason to be. Sango was still his best friend and he knew that nothing could change that, but the way that the two carried on now it was clear that Sango was craving a female friend. He was secretively glad she chose Kagome. He'd never seen Sango more focused and at ease. It was if the cold chip she carried was gone, and he knew Kagome had something to do with it.

He frowned as a cold lump settled in his stomach. She always had something to do with it.

He turned his gaze out to the stage as the last band finished their song. Sounds of cheering sounded into the hallway and he frowned slightly as he felt a soothing presence beside him.

"You okay there, Yash?" Kagome touched his arm softly.

He flinched at her touch and pulled his arm away from her. "Keh. I'm fine."

Kagome studied his face for a few moments, her blue eyes glittering in concern.

InuYasha clenched his teeth before turning on her. "What!"

Kagome's head tilted to the side and she smiled up at him. A secretive glint echoed from her blue depths and it caused a faint tremble in his spine.

"They were good." She then smiled proudly. "But you are better. I have complete faith in you."

He looked at her slightly confused before he realized what she was talking about. She thought he was nervous about their competition? Pfft. As if. He could out play anyone and couldn't wait to prove it. The fact was, he was… he was what? Upset? Jealous?

Kagome did things for his friends he could never accomplish. All it took was a word or a touch, and she healed wounds that were ancient and raw. How the hell did she do it? And why didn't she do it for him?

He shook his head. "I don't need your faith. I got everything I need. Just…." He flicked his eyes down at her then quickly back up to the stage. "Just don't mess up."

"I won't, InuYasha." Her soft voice stated quietly. "I'm there for you."

"Perdition! You're up!" The manager called.

Kagome trotted quickly up to the stage, leaving a frowning InuYasha in her wake.

He quietly shook his head as he followed the rest of his band up to the stage. He didn't have time to look too deep into those words. They had already triggered the all to familiar pain that was becoming like an old friend. And he yet he couldn't get enough.

The stadium erupted when Perdition walked onto the stage. Their popularity had soared because of the radio promos and it was apparent in the thunderous attention they were getting now. Kagome quickly went behind the drums while Sango followed behind to reach her keyboards. It took a few moments for the cheering to die down enough for the host to speak, giving them enough time to get ready on stage.

The host smiled broadly. "Well. It seems this band already has made a name for them selves that they just may not need to be introduced. But when will I ever be given the chance again? I give you… Perdition!"

The stadium erupted once more as InuYasha took it all in. Thousands of people stood and applauded, calling out their names and waving signs. His amber eyes cast from one side of the arena to the other, his head lifted as he tried to sense it all in its purity. It was here that he could forget it all because it was his. All his. But for some reason it felt hollow. He turned his head to his band to see them waiting for his cue while smiling up at the crowd. They looked so happy and proud. Why didn't he feel it?

His eyes flicked unconsciously to Kagome and he felt the crowd melt away. She wasn't looking at the stands, his friends or the cameras. She was looking at him with eyes filled with gentle pride and he knew that pride was not for herself.

He felt his lips open to allow himself to breathe. He would never be able to fathom her, or how she stirred him so much, but somehow that one look washed away the void he felt and flooded him with something raw and savage, making him turn from her with a groan on his lips.

He shut his eyes as realization dawned on him. All the torment he had been fighting, the pain he had embraced…. He now knew what it was.

Amazing how one look from her could reveal his buried truth.

Amazing how truth puts it all into perspective.

This feeling was the last thing he wanted and the very thing he needed. In every heartless man, it is what he truly fears and unconsciously desires. What more could he ask for?

What more could he live for?

He looked up at the audience and a small trace of a smile touched his lips.

Pain, without love

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_Because I rather feel pain than nothing at all…._

Kagome rounded her drums and Perdition erupted behind him as he walked to the edge of the stage, his hair flowing like silk behind him. He moved like a man on a mission, stalking the perimeter, enticing all eyes on his form. He cast his gaze down to a group before him as he sang; yet all he could sense was the woman behind him. The one that changed lives with bittersweet words. The one that brought him where he was right now to suffer in embittered bliss.

You're sick of feeling numb

_You're not the only one._

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world you can understand…._

But what did she really know? She never experienced life like he had, like they all had. His eyes flicked to her on the sly. His eyes quickly grew hunted and hot as he stalked the platform. He could sense her entire being was centred on him. How could she possibly know what he truly craved?

This life is filled with hurt

_When happiness doesn't work_

Trust me and take my hand

_When the lights go out you'll understand_.

InuYasha groaned in suppressed desire before his band called out his pain. He again moved like a catalyst on the stage, commanding all attention on him. His emotions were so bloody and biting as he sang it was hard not to.

_(Pain!) (Pain)_

_Without love!_

_(Pain!) (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_(Pain!) (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

He fisted a hand into his chest, pulling hard at his red shirt as if it was too tight and he'd suffer if he didn't tear it away from him. Little did they know how badly at times he did want to tear it out; tear out the very thing that's been on fire since a blue eyed beauty smiled at him.

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Without love!_

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_Pain! (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

He looked out at the masses, as if begging them to understand all that he has been through, but he doubted they could ever really know. They never gave their soul away, only for one to show up one day in the form of the woman of their desires.

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all…._

He stormed across the stage's perimeter as if burdened with a tormented soul. In all honesty he was. If ever he gave the truth it was on stage. He had no pretences here, though he'd give nothing but lies to those who encroached on his hell. Anything to keep them from getting close. Anything to keep her from knowing his despair. He locked it all away in his rage.

_Anger and agony_

_Are better than misery_

_Trust me! _

_I've got a plan_

_When the lights go out you'll understand_….

InuYasha shut his eyes as he grabbed his hair by the roots, thrusting his head back in anguish. All the fucking games he pulled to make her suffer. He only wanted to give her back his torment. But he couldn't. Somewhere along the lines he saw it for what it was. And it was real… and it was his. He stumbled back as he sang.

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Without love_!

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_Pain! (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

'Cause I rather feel pain than nothing at all!

He stopped still and let his hand drop to grip into the hem of his shirt while singing hard. The other hand was fisted by his side and punctuated his fury. The pain inside him was real and it made him real. She gave this to him and he cherished it like it was the only gift he'd ever received.

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Without love!_

_Pain! (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_Pain! (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

'_Cause I rather feel pain than nothing…_

_Rather feel…_

She made him more than nothing, because he could feel….

_Pain!_

His band sung like echoes behind him as he shot his golden eyes open to give heated glares to individuals in the audience, almost forgetting they were there. Did they know this pain? Could it be possible that one of them understood? Looking at their faces he smirked heavily. They all knew this feeling.

_(I know, I know, I know, I know)_

I know that you're wounded

Was it possible he could reach them like she had reached him? To let them know he felt it too?

_(You know, you know, you know, you know)_

_That I'm here to save you._

Echoes of forbidden promises and desires came at him in the form of delicious lips and heavenly eyes. Words that made him see the truth.

_(You know, you know, you know, you know)_

_I'm always here for you._

He cast his eyes over at her, but what could he possibly say that would tell her how he felt? It was better off she never knew.

_(I know, I know, I know, I know)_

_That you'll thank me later…._

He shut his eyes from her and cast his head down at his decision. Besides, it would only cause more….

_Pain_

_Without love_

_Pain_

_Can't get enough_

Pain

_I like it rough_

'_Cause I rather feel pain that nothing at all…._

Second chances. What were they when you never had a chance?

_Pain (Pain)_

_Without love_

_Pain (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_Pain (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

'_Cause I rather feel pain that nothing at all_

Second starts. But where did you start when there was nothing to gain?

_Pain (Pain)_

_Without love_

_Pain (Pain)_

_Can't get enough_

_Pain (Pain)_

_I like it rough_

'_Cause I rather feel pain that nothing at all_

It would lead to nothing. Nothing but doubt. Nothing but fear. Nothing but….

_Rather feel pain than nothing at all…._

Pain as it really was.

_Rather feel pain._

Unrequited love.

A/N: Pain, by Three Days Grace. Normally I don't put current bands in my stories, but this song struck me perfectly on how InuYasha felt. Anyways, I hope you all had a great Xmas and New Years. I'm working on the next chapter now, but it might be posted later than most, since I'm back to the lab and field on Monday.

I also apologize if I didn't write back to some of you. FF didn't send me emails saying who messaged me, so I may have missed replying. I also might not have gotten back to you if there wasn't a reply address attached to your message. If I didn't get back to you, I am so sorry, I am not being unappreciative to all of your support. I hold such value and honour with each message sent. (A few have even brought me to tears and it takes a lot to make me cry.)

My final apology is to any error in this chapter. I've been tweaking it more times than I should, and couldn't wait for my beta to smack me over the head. So I am posting it now, and will fix mistakes later. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I can't wait to post the next one for you all to enjoy.

As always - live, love and laugh!! WDW


	20. Before the Dawn

InuYasha sat lifeless in his seat as he stared numbly out the window beside him. The sky outside was pitch black except for the flickers of light from the passing city that reflected in his dejected eyes. Eyes that should not have looked so dark and dead since only hours ago they had won the second competition. But InuYasha felt no pride for their accomplishment. He felt no joy. He felt… nothing. To him, it was a shallow victory. This whole endeavour was.

His pale yellow gaze flowed down to the sweeping terrain below his window, watching it pass by like a grey blue wave, vast and empty. He could feel the faint hum of the motion underneath the train and hear the subtle clacks of the wheels upon the tracks. He blinked tiredly.

Sesshomaru had surprised them with train tickets home. He said that they deserved at least that much for their win. Unfortunately the tickets were for the red eye train, leaving no time to hit the town to celebrate, even though he didn't have the heart for it. So here he sat, alone, waiting for the two hours to pass until they were back in Kyoto.

Home. A bitter twist soured deep within his gut at the thought. It was the last place he wanted to be and the one place he'd never be able to leave behind. The sight of the passing landscape heading toward said city quickly set him on edge.

InuYasha shifted his eyes from the outside world to look distractedly at the reflections on the window. The car he sat in was nearly empty. Very few took the midnight train it would seem. It felt… lonely. Normally he preferred being isolated but now it made him apprehensive, sending prickles of anxiety to nip softly at his flesh.

His gaze drifted slightly on the window to find the reflections of his scattered band, hoping to find comfort in familiar faces. He eased somewhat at seeing Miroku and Sango laying together on the seats further down the car. Their jackets were slumped haphazardly over their chests as they huddled against each other for comfort and warmth. They had made up sometime during the evening. The state of euphoria made forgiveness easier to give it would seem.

He watched their reflections for several moments before a slight tang of resentment flowed into his chest. They looked so content together. Amazing how that one thing they shared can make all their hurt go away.

He tore his gaze from the couple to look up a bit on the window to see further down the car. He could only just see Kouga's feet hanging over his chair. One sock was twisted slightly with a hole in the toe. The bassist looked dead to the world, pretty much how he was feeling right then.

InuYasha inhaled a soft sigh before allowing his eyes to travel around the car. A few other people he did not know sat in various rows, but their state of being were just the same as his friends. Whispers of soft mellowed breathing could be heard over the din of the train as all slept soundly. He felt he should be as well, especially after the last few days he had. Instead he felt weariness to a point of restlessness. Every time he had drifted off to sleep, all he could see was a blue-eyed angel that was always out of his reach. It was a constant dream of his that broke inside his head to a point where he didn't want to sleep anymore. Or couldn't.

His gaze continued to drift unconsciously around the car, searching. He couldn't find where Kagome was. He briefly gathered that she was asleep somewhere that he couldn't see from his vantage point. He bit back a disappointed frown before letting his eyes fall to the silver rim that held the window beside him in place. She must be so tired. They did have an eventful night after all.

Images of their winning trickled into his mind. Happy faces, proud smiles… unfathomable diamond eyes. He tried to blink the vision from his head.

His band had obviously been excited with each other when they heard the announcement. They had won with four other bands and within a few days they will be shipped off to China for the Battle of the Orient. But that didn't faze them much because they won in Japan. Even if they didn't make it past the third competition, they had record labels lining up to sign them on here. They had a future in Japan. They had money and fame….

But that wasn't good enough for him.

He wanted more.

He wanted out.

His honey eyes lifted from the metal rim to gaze bitterly at the outside world once more.

It looked cold. The blackness of the landscape flooded out everything as Tokyo passed from his sight into haunted emptiness. Out there, he could see nothing.

But out there was supposed everything. Beyond that darkness was a world he was once dying to conquer. Yet it no longer held power over him. He no longer felt the passion to seize it anymore. He had almost forgotten why he even wanted it.

When did it become like this? How did it become like this? How did this emptiness take over him? When did he care that it had?

He let out a faint sigh and watched his breath mist over the tinted glass. He gazed at the slight haze for a moment before he parted his lips and passed his warm breath over the cool window once more, watching the condensation form and then quickly evaporate. The icy blue colour of the film looked so sedately familiar. He numbly wiped the window clean with the back of his hand.

Kagome never even said anything after they won. She never even looked surprised as they went on stage to receive their glory. It was as if she knew they would win. Instead, she followed behind and looked at the band with her minute smile and fathomless gaze. How could one woman carry so much in her eyes and yet not one emotion was for herself?

In those eyes he recognized pride and joy. He also saw insurmountable anticipation but it was not for her. It was for them, her friends. She never even acknowledged her part in their victory. She didn't care that she was shoved in the back as they were congratulated. She didn't mind as she was passed over as others were asked how they felt. She didn't stop smiling as she hugged his friends to glow in their happiness. Not once did she accept anything for herself.

And all he could do was watch her in blank awe.

They had celebrated briefly back stage. Several people came up and took pictures, asked questions and waved articles in front of them to sign. But he ignored them all as he tried to watch where she was going, whom she was talking to and what she was feeling. Too many men came up and made her laugh or smile, sending sharp shards of pain ripping through him. Homicidal rage had burned in his throat at every advance and it took all he had not to ravish her in front of them to prove whom she belonged.

The urge felt so uncontrollable at times that he made it a point to stay away from her as she mingled, feeling too ashamed to feel for her in that way. Not to mention he was too afraid to see where it would lead if he ever dared to try, knowing it would eventually lead to defeat. Yet he was never too far away from her. Though the attentions given to her were agony, being near her gave him bitter relief.

Thankfully, Sesshomaru had walked up to them soon after to tell them they had a train to catch in three hours. So after a few more promos with some record label managers that his brother had set up, they were back at the hotel packing up. Well, the men were anyways. Then it was off to the train station for the trip home.

He never once had a moment alone with her after that. There was always someone there to keep them apart. Once they were on the train he lost sight of her completely as his friends scattered around the coach they climbed onto and eventually drifted off to sleep in their chosen seats.

So now here he sat in the furthest corner of the car wondering what to do. More importantly, what would he do when he got home? No doubt he'd have to meet up with Naraku and pay him what he owed. He was so close to paying off his dept. And with winning the competition, he was sure to finally settle the score he had taken on all those years ago. Now, he could finally make his own choices and not be controlled by the drug lord or his bitch.

Which would be true in a more perfect life.

InuYasha shut his eyes and leaned heavily on the window. He crossed his arms roughly against his chest as he tried to stifle the nagging dread that was seeping up through his subconscious with every mile that brought him closer to his reality. No matter what kind of life he'd try for, it would never stop him from being what he was.

Being a dealer was not a life you could easily get out of. You always owed for something, and if someone was fortunate enough to pay it off there was still blackmail. He seriously doubted Naraku would let him get out of this life so easily. The crime lord now had incentive. He'd never make it anywhere in a normal life if Naraku made it known he was linked to drugs and heavy crime. His life was owned and nothing he said or did changed that. His only hope was to reach some sort of deal. Maybe he could pay Naraku off in some fashion in order to live without this blood mark on his soul. Yet no matter what he paid in, he'd always have to pay more to buy his freedom. But he was willing to do so for the rest of his life if it meant even having a fraction of peace.

Peace. Even that felt impossible.

He would never find complete peace, even if he did bribe his way out, because there would always be the cravings. There would always be the need to get some drug pumped into him to calm the raging addiction he created.

InuYasha opened his eyes to look down at the slight shaking in his hands and fisted them tightly into his hold to control them. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore. Without something to keep his mind from it, the hunger would completely take control of him.

He was such a fucking fool. Only the dumbest dealers did their own shit and he was one of them. It was the only way to rid the guilt and hatred and self-loathing he felt over his actions. He had to make himself numb in order to carry out this job. He would never have it in him if he were sober. People had to be a certain type in order to peddle off poison to people who looked close enough to death as it was. And knowing it was because of him they were in that position made him feel all the more heartless.

He hated it. He hated the sight and smell of his buyers. He hated the rush and numbness of the drugs he took in order to stomach it all. And he hated himself most of all. What kind of person was he? How the hell did he come to this? He was so far from the man he wanted to be that he had lost sight of him completely.

Instead, he was a monster, destroying other people to make money for Naraku. He was putting his own fucked up life above so many others when he knew it wasn't a life worth saving. This was not even a life worth living. He doubted he even had a life.

But he had Perdition. His last saving grace. Perdition was his release, because he could be himself with no ties to the grave he created. It was when he sang that he felt alive again. And if Perdition was his rush for living, then the War of the Bands was his reason.

The thought of making a life where money and power would be his own consumed him. He put all he had in the band to make it the best, driven by the need to win. Money meant he could buy his life back. Power meant he could make his own destiny. The world was finally his to take and nothing was going to stand in his way.

Or so he had thought, until the night after the first competition.

He thought he had finally made it. He had thought his plan was fool proof. How little did he realize how deep his hell really was.

Kikyo had come with his reward. He had been craving a good hit for such a long time. Being around loving perfection tended to make him nervous. But with the cold bitch came a hard truth. Naraku wasn't going to let him go. Kikyo had laughed, asking him how he could possibly think otherwise. As a nobody, it would take his whole life to pay off his dept, and as a celebrity it would take his whole means to keep them quiet. No matter what life he chose, Naraku would always own him.

And he knew then he had no real choice. Naraku was his life.

'Look on the bright side, Inu Baby.' Kikyo told him. 'You'll always have me.'

The urge to lie down and die right then and there in that dressing room never felt so strong. But death rarely comes for the willing. So he chose the one option that made sense. He'd take Perdition all the way through. Even if his life would never be free, his friends' would be. He could at least give them that. He no longer had hope for himself anymore. There was nothing left for him to strive for, since nothing would ever be his.

Then _she_ came knocking on his door, with eyes so full of light and weightless joy. And it was at that moment he saw what he truly desired. He needed to have what she had. But with the life he was lost in he would never be able to grasp it for himself. Instead, he'd accept the next best thing: a woman who made him feel like none of it mattered. With one look, she made it all go away, even if it was for a brief moment. Therefore, he had decided to let her remain in her perfect world, so he could live vicariously through her in his own distant way. Her happiness, though it made him wary, also gave him comfort. He learned that her inner light was a constant beacon against his gloom. He wanted her to remain that way so he could have just a taste of what it could have been like if he never made all the wrong choices. Even though he could never have her, he'd keep her close by for as long as he was able.

She was the only thing that made him feel remotely human. The rest of him he was certain wasn't even real anymore. He was just a receptacle for every vice he had drowned in. Sad thing was, those vices were a lot easier to obtain compared to the one thing he really wanted.

InuYasha shut his eyes bitterly when he felt his nerves jolt painfully as a craving hit once more, harder and longer this time. He grimaced slightly as it sent sharp pangs in his head and hands. His body trembled at the wake of his calling addictions, begging him to find relief.

Fuck, he needed a break from all this. He was so goddamned tired and spent from it all. He just needed one more high to get him through. Oh, to have just one more hit would be heaven. The thought of finally being in Kyoto actually felt bearable if he could just get one fucking toke in. But that was hours away. He couldn't even have a damn smoke since the train was regulated against cigarettes. Damn Westernization! He was convinced the world was out to get him.

What he needed was a distraction from his growing aches, anything to get him through this ride before he reached his destination. But God would never be so kind to him. His head was already starting to spin and throb from the beginning signs of withdrawal. Damn, he just wanted something to get him through the next two hours. But what could possibly give him relief?

"InuYasha?" A soothing voice broke through his chaotic agony.

He opened his eyes slowly to look up at the most heavenly sight he'd ever hoped to see.

Kagome was looking down at him in deep concern before her eyes gentled into a soft gaze. She moved from the aisle to sit in the seat across from him and held out a large steaming cup. She smiled weakly.

"I saw that you were awake and thought you could use a cup of coffee."

He blinked dumbly down at the beverage in front of him before automatically reaching for the cup.

"I wasn't sure if you liked cream or sugar in it, so I brought some extra just in case." Kagome fiddled in her jacket pocket to bring out several packets of sugar and a few tiny containers of creamer. She lifted her hand out for him to take as many as he wanted, along with a small brown stir stick.

InuYasha silently placed his coffee in the cup holder in his seat before reaching for some packs of sugar. His fingers softly grazed over her warm hand and a jolt of cold fire hit his chest. He looked up quickly to see her flush as she smiled gently at him and he felt the air empty from his lungs. He swiftly sat back and stared down at his coffee as he poured the sugar in distractedly, swirling the drink around to dissolve the sweet powder. He wasn't about to risk reaching for the stir stick after that reaction.

"Where's yours?" He eventually asked gruffly, obviously noticing she didn't have any other cups in her hand.

"I don't like coffee very much. I'm more of a green tea person, but I wasn't in the mood for it."

He looked up at her quickly before letting his eyes fall back down to his drink. "So you went and just got me a coffee for no reason?"

She shrugged slightly. "No offence, but you looked like you needed a pick me up."

InuYasha felt a small smile form on his lips before he hid it in his paper cup as he sipped his drink. His body nearly shivered as the dark liquid coursed hotly down his throat and settled perfectly in his empty stomach. He felt his tension begin to ease before he chanced a glance at her in hidden appreciation. How did she always know what he needed?

Kagome smiled faintly to nothing in particular before looking over her shoulder at their band. "Everyone's asleep?"

InuYasha nodded before dipping back into his coffee. "I thought you were, too."

Kagome turned back to him half-heartedly and shook her head. "I couldn't fall asleep tonight." Her eyes slowly drifted to the window and looked out at the empty darkness. "Even if I tried."

InuYasha lifted his eyes from over the rim of his coffee to silently study her. He briefly pondered what she meant but just assumed the excitement had gotten to her. Yet for some reason she looked distant. It only lasted for a moment before she sighed and turned back to him.

"Are you hungry?" She tilted her head slightly. "They're still serving in the dining car and Sesshomaru put meal tickets on our trip. Want to hit up on that?"

His sanity screamed at him to say no but everything else seemed to ignore it. He flicked his head to the door leading out and stood. "Might as well since he already paid for it. Lead the way."

She smiled slightly at him and got up to head to the door. She looked over her shoulder a few times to make sure he was following as she led him to the dining car. Each time, her smile grew more relaxed and he felt his own muscles loosen up by the time they reached their destination.

Stepping into the dining car, he definitely did not regret his decision. The smells of various foods tangled with his appetite and his mouth began to water. When was the last time he ate anyways?

He followed Kagome to a corner table and deftly sat across from her. A young man came over to hand them menus and took their drink orders. With him gone, InuYasha began to feel anxious, realizing he was finally alone with her after all this time.

He uneasily flicked his eyes up at the quiet woman in front of him before casting his eyes down at his menu. The words seemed to jumble together since his attention was centred completely on her. He felt so lame. She was just a girl! He fucked more of them than he could count. He never had trouble being around them or picking one up on a whim. But with Kagome, he was as tongue tied as a teenager on his first date. She made him feel like a fucking virgin, double guessing everything he did in front of her. Should he say something? What the hell was he supposed to do?

Her voice nearly made him jump as she spoke to him.

"I'm going to go for the chicken rolls and steamed rice. Something small. How about you?"

He quickly looked up at her then flicked his gaze back over his menu before he shrugged. "I'll go with the same." Why not? Not like he knew what else was on the menu.

Kagome nodded and smiled when the waiter brought their drinks. She ordered their meals and thanked him before he left. Letting out a soft sigh, she slowly drifted her eyes back at the man in front of her as he fiddled with his coffee cup. He looked edgy.

"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah." InuYasha shrugged slightly and gulped back the remainder of his coffee. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You didn't seem too happy after the competition." She replied, tilting her head slightly as she watched him etch his initials onto the now empty cup.

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at her before quickly looking out the window beside them, disregarding the empty cup in his hands. He never bothered to respond.

"Want to talk about it?"

"About what?" He flipped a shoulder up indifferently as he searched the blackness outside. "I knew we would win. I'm not one to act all surprised and excited about it."

"No." Kagome smiled slightly before following his gaze out the window. "I suppose you wouldn't."

Silence embedded between them before Kagome chuckled. "Well, you did look pretty animated during the spinning fight."

InuYasha paled slightly but he kept his eyes out the window. He snorted. "Feh. Why do you think I cared about that?"

Kagome shrugged softly and flicked her secretive eyes at him then back out the window. "Maybe you didn't. But I heard you call out when that guy pushed me."

He frowned and turned his cold golden eyes on her. "What makes you think I did? Everyone got pissed at that cheap shot."

"I would recognize that growl anywhere." Kagome fought a smile as she wrapped her hands around her bottled water. "And I am pretty sure that guy would never forget it. You gave him a pretty good scare."

InuYasha wasn't sure to be embarrassed or proud. But catching the pleasure on Kagome's face at the thought, he opted for pride. He smirked. "Keh."

Kagome let her smile grow as she continued to look out the window. "Yeah."

InuYasha bit back a grin as he let his eyes roam over the objects on the table, enjoying the comfortable silence between them before the question in his head came tumbling out of his mouth. "How did you learn to do that anyways?"

Her head turned to regard him for a few moments before she smiled shyly. "I was in gymnastics for several years when I was a kid. Baton twirling was one of the first things you learned. Besides, a good drummer knows how to handle her sticks."

A dark brow lifted as InuYasha took in her words. 'Gymnastics… would explain her dexterity.' Visions of how many ways she could bend had his cock waking up and he was thankful that the waiter came up with their food.

He nearly shut his eyes at the smell of savoury chicken as his meal was placed in front of him. He only now realized he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. His stomach rumbled in appreciation as he cut into his rolls and began eating with a vengeance. He looked up curiously when he heard a soft chuckle.

"What?" He stated gruffly though it didn't come off that way since his mouth was stuffed with food.

"Slow down." Kagome shook her head. "It's not going anywhere, and you'll get a tummy ache eating that fast."

InuYasha rolled his eyes and swallowed heavily. "I can handle myself just fine."

"Yeah. But you eating fast makes me think you can't wait to finish and go." Kagome's eyes twinkled in humour. "Are you that eager to get away from me?"

InuYasha's hand stopped halfway to his mouth as his eyes captured hers for a brief moment. Little did she know how far from the truth that really was. His mouth lifted in a wry grin. "Nah. You're not that bad."

"Well, thank you." Kagome mimicked his smirk before letting out a soft laugh. "I don't think you're that bad either."

InuYasha quickly lowered his eyes to his plate to quell the contentment she created in him and wolfed down another chicken roll.

"At times." Kagome bit back her grin before she took a small bit of her rice.

His eyes shot up to her before he shook his head in mock annoyance. "Whatever." He cocked her a snide smirk, but began to eat at a much slower pace.

They ate in companionable silence for the remainder of the meal. InuYasha had just swigged back the last of his juice when he looked down at her nearly full plate. He frowned. "Why didn't you eat?"

Kagome prodded her now cold chicken roll before putting down her chopsticks. Her lips settled in an uneasy smile. "I'm not hungry to be honest."

"Then why the hell did you order something if you weren't hungry?" He smirked, but his chest felt tight at the tired look on her face. This wasn't like her at all. Was she sick?

She sighed. "Don't worry about it. I'll pack it up and eat it tomorrow." She looked up at him briefly before casting her eyes around the dining car. "Did you want any dessert?"

InuYasha smirk faded into a frown. The look in her eyes set him on edge. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. Where was the happy spark? Where was the light and laughter? Where was the Kagome he was relying on? "What the fuck is up with you?"

Blue eyes shot up to meet yellow. Her expression shifted from worry, strain, exhaustion then finally sadness. She quickly blinked and the emotions were replaced by solemn grace and a small smile. "Nothing that should concern you. It's just a long night for me."

InuYasha grimaced and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had no idea she had the ability to feel those things. He couldn't help but feel he was responsible. He had been working her pretty hard these last few months. Maybe the stress had finally caught up with her. Maybe he should leave her alone for the next few days. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but could he really endure the fact he was the reason she looked so drained? He felt his heart fall in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it would be best to let her be alone. He subtly gazed around the dining car, wondering how quickly he could get back to his seat where he could be out of her sight.

"You want to know the truth?" She said sadly.

InuYasha fought back a cringe and slowly looked back at her. His eyes widened slightly at the timid expression on her face, masked by a gentle smile.

Kagome lowered her eyes to the table. "I didn't want to be alone, so I thought maybe… you could keep me company." She reached for her water bottle and cut her nail through the paper label and began to tear her nail around the bottle. "If you don't mind."

InuYasha watched as she fiddled with the bottle in front of her. Her words eventually clicked into place in his head, making his stomach flutter in sharp expectation. But something about all this didn't feel right. He looked up at her warily. "Why?"

A hint of a smile graced her lips. "Well, for starters, you were awake."

He scowled in annoyance. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for. To be honest, he wasn't sure what answer he was looking for. She only wanted to talk to him because he was the only one awake? "Not at the rate this conversation is going. So if you got something to say then say it already."

Kagome sighed and let the small smile fall from her lips. "Never mind. Don't worry about it." She cast her eyes out the window. "We'll be home in a half hour or so."

A slight chill coursed through InuYasha's body as he looked out the window to see the lights of Kyoto in the distance. He turned his gaze back on the girl in front of him and felt his chest grow cold at the sadness that echoed in her perfect eyes. This wasn't right. Where was the light? Where was the spark? This Kagome looked… faded. What the hell was her problem? She was going home to a loving family with lots of kids who no doubt adored her. She had a warm bed and friends and happy little stories, or whatever the fuck she shared, waiting for her. What the fuck did she have to feel sad about?

A bitter quake shuddered inside him as he felt his temper rise. What right did she have to feel sad? She didn't have a drug lord waiting for her to settle a score that was never hers, or had to go home to a drafty apartment with little to no food in the cupboards. She didn't have a hollow ache in her, nagging her every waking moment telling her that she was missing something wonderful that she could never have. And she didn't have the ripping need to feed that emptiness with a substance that was slowly killing her. She had no right to feel this way!

She was supposed to be perfect. She was supposed to always shine. She was supposed to be stronger than what life dealt. Not be the weak woman before him, succumbing to matters that barely touched the agony he went through every fucking day.

His lips trembled in anger but he quickly bit his tongue and stood, attempting to leave her presence before he did something he would regret.

"InuYasha?"

He unconsciously stopped, but kept his back to her.

He didn't think she'd respond until her soft voice washed over to him. "Do you think… you'd ever think more of me?"

Confusion seeped over his anger. He turned an ear towards her. "More?"

He could never think more of her. She was the ultimate. But not now. He couldn't even look at her now. She looked too… mortal. And amazingly enough, he couldn't think less of her either.

"Will you ever consider me a friend?" Her soft voice broke over him like a slap to the face.

He shut his eyes and lowered his head. Friend? If only it were that simple. The way he felt about her…. No lie he could create could ever change the fact. If he couldn't have her completely then he couldn't have her at all. To be her friend it would only tear him apart seeing her be the same damn thing with everyone else. He would be no different to her and he could never torture himself like that. At least with him pushing her away he'd save himself the grief.

He shook his head. "No, Kagome. You and I can never be friends."

With that he walked away without looking back. But in his forgotten soul, he could see blue heavens closing in sorrow.

-+-

"Hello?"

"Did you watch it?" A smooth voice rippled through the cell phone.

Kikyo bit her ruby lips and looked around the crowded bar uneasily. "Parts of it."

She could sense the evil leer of her employer through the phone. "Then you know we have another bonus coming our way."

The dark eyed woman held in her shaky breath as she moved through the crowd. "So it would seem."

"I want you to meet him at his apartment. Give him his usual 'treat.' And tell him I want to speak with him."

Kikyo was silent as she moved toward the back of the bar to hide in the shadows.

"Is there a problem, my pet?" His voice sounded like ice against her ear as she gripped her phone tighter.

Kikyo shut her eyes in fear. "No, sir, not at all. Just… hard to hear you in this crowd."

"Then it would be wise to leave that whore house you are in and make your way over there. I want no more disruptions concerning my entitlement. I want him bound to me. Now go."

Kikyo let her breath out as the dial tone rang through. She never told Naraku that InuYasha kicked her out and she knew for a fact he wasn't about to trust her with any shit she gave him any time soon. How the fuck was she going to meet up with that asshole to deliver the message? More directly, how was she going to get back at him for humiliating her?

Her eyes stretched up to look at a nearby television screen. Clips of the War of the Bands competition were being run. She had to admit, he did look delicious on that stage. Though it did unnerve her seeing the expression on his face when he looked at that drummer of his. The fucking minx had him hooked. Never in all the years she has known him had he ever looked at anyone with such longing. It was sickening.

Her eyes gleamed darkly. It was perfect. She knew he'd be suffering from withdrawal right about now, especially with the shit she was lacing in the drugs she was giving him. She also knew he'd be seeking anything to fight off the edge. They all do. Once he arrived back in Kyoto the first thing he'd do was make a few phone calls to get him off. And she knew exactly whom he'd call.

Dialling her phone quickly, she tilted her lips as a gruff voice answered on the third ring.

"Yes?"

"Hiten?"

The voice smoothed over like hot silk. "Kikyo. Long time, sweetheart. Are you calling for business… or pleasure?"

She rolled her eyes dispassionately. "A little bit of both, actually."

"Oh?"

"You will be getting a call sometime soon and I want you to deliver something for me."

"A call?" Hiten frowned. "From?"

"The Dog." She spat bitterly.

"Really? Doesn't he usually get walked by you?"

"Used to."

Hiten laughed coldly. "So the Dog finally ran away, huh? And I take it you want me to feed him?"

Kikyo smirked. "I have something special for him. Meet me at the Seventh Hell in a half hour. I'll give it to you there."

"Not a problem, Babe."

"And Hiten?"

"Yeah?" His voice made her shiver slightly.

"You didn't get this shit from me."

"Understood."

Kikyo hung up the phone and smiled darkly.

-+-

"Sango? Miroku?" Kagome whispered.

Twin pairs of exhausted eyes opened to see tired blue.

"Kagome?" Sango yawned, covering her mouth to hide her breath.

Miroku sat up and winced. He looked out the window and groaned at the lights of the approaching station. "Here already, huh?"

Kagome smiled and moved to the seat behind them to wake up Kouga, twiddling her finger in the hole of his sock to tickle his toe.

Miroku stretched as Sango packed up a few of their things. His grey eyes scanned the car before he dropped his arms. "Where's Yash?"

Kagome slumped in the chair across from him, followed by a very sedated Kouga. "I'm not sure. Maybe up where Sesshomaru is?"

"Pfft." Kouga fought off a yawn and failed. "I seriously doubt that. Knowing Yash he probably snuck off for a smoke somewhere."

Kagome lowered her eyes before turning to look out the window.

"You okay there, Kagome?" Sango searched her friend's form carefully.

Kagome smiled slightly and nodded, yet her eyes never wavered from the window. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Want to talk about it?" Sango tilted her head slightly.

Kagome shifted her gaze to her friend and let out a soft smile. "Not tonight. Things will be fine after tomorrow's charity concert, I'm sure."

"Oh, Kags." Sango smiled in relief. "Is that all you are worried about? The way you go on those kids could even out do us. Don't even think about it. Besides, what was it you used to tell us? 'Whatever happens, happens.' Things will settle out in their own time. And things have. With Perdition being a hit in Japan you shouldn't have to worry about funding the orphanage for some time."

Kagome nodded and looked down. "Yeah."

Kouga nudged her arm. "Besides, those kids won't be alone. We'll be there to root them on. So no worries. Everything will turn out."

"I hope so. I'd hate for something bad to happen."

"It won't." Sango smiled and stretched. "We're your friends, Kags. We won't dump you if something goes wrong."

Kagome lifted her eyes to look at each of them in saddened concern. "Promise?"

All three chuckled.

"Kagome, we would never forsake one of our own." Sango placed her head on Miroku's shoulder. "No matter what happens."

Kagome's shoulders relaxed visibly and her face looked a little more at ease. "So you will be at the Lakeshore at one?"

"We wouldn't miss it." Miroku grinned and looked up. "Right, InuYasha?"

InuYasha scowled from where he stood in the aisle behind Kouga. "Says you. I have other shit to do tomorrow."

Kagome turned to look up into his cold amber eyes and he stared down back at her in challenge. She quickly lowered her head and bit her lower lip.

Three angry faces turned to glare hard at the singer. He gave each of them an indifferent glance before nodding his head at the window. "We're here. Get your shit and let's go."

He turned and walked away, leaving three concerned friends to look at a very tired and subdued Kagome. What the hell happened?

It was another half hour before they had their equipment loaded into their van and were ready to finally be dropped off at their respected homes. Kagome was about to hop into the van before she turned to look for InuYasha.

He was standing in the parking lot a few meters away, looking very agitated. He inhaled a drag of his smoke heavily as he paced, waiting for whomever to pick up on his cell phone. Kagome stepped away from the van and walked quietly over to him but stopped short at the look on his face when he saw her coming. He immediately clicked his phone shut and gave her an uncomfortable once over.

"Yeah?" He bit out, blowing out toxic smoke in the process while tossing his spent cigarette on the ground.

Kagome nearly flinched at his harsh tone and looked down briefly to gain her composure before casting her eyes up to meet his own scowling gaze. Anger and frustration filled every vein and she slowly stood tall in resolution, fisting her hands by her sides to keep her nerves steady. "I don't know what you think of me, InuYasha, but I hope what I'm about to say won't make your opinion of me any worse."

InuYasha balked and backed up a step at the slight tilt of her chin and the fierce determination in her eyes. She looked kind of scary like that. Not at all like the timid girl he was used to. This kitten apparently had fangs.

"I may not be strong, or hard, or anything else you may respect, but I'm loyal and I'm trustworthy. And I…." Her voice broke and she lowered her head to gaze at the concrete before them. "I always mean what I say."

She lifted her saddened eyes to look at him once more. "I may not matter much to you, InuYasha. And I may never have given you reason to believe in me. But I wanted you to know that I still believe in you."

InuYasha quickly turned his head away uncomfortably and folded his hands into his jeans pockets, one hand gripping his forgotten cell phone like a stress ball. He was about ready to tune her out when her next words flushed over him like ice.

"But if you want me to leave you alone, I will."

He shot his eyes to search her own and it felt as if his world was about to crash. "What?"

Kagome shook her head and lowered her eyes. "I won't leave Perdition. I'll stick it through for as long as you need me. But I won't force a friendship on you. I see how you look at me and the last thing I want is for you to feel that way."

He felt cold and numb all over. She knew how he felt? He lowered his head. And she really didn't want him to feel that way about her? It was expected, but for some reason, he still hoped that maybe….

"I know that you don't like me very much." She murmured. "So I will stay away."

Air left his lungs in a rush but he couldn't tell if it was in relief or in anguish over how backward she had it.

"But I had hoped…."

He reluctantly lifted his eyes to watch her through his bangs.

"I had hoped that someday you would think differently about me." She searched him with such hopeful tenderness that he could not help but lift his head to gaze into those heavenly eyes directly. She smiled softly at him. "I still do… have hope. And maybe someday you will think differently."

InuYasha swallowed the bitter lump in his throat and looked away in discomfort. He couldn't bring himself to do much more than that.

Kagome studied him as he closed himself further off and nodded slightly to herself. She shrugged sedately before turning away with a sad smile on her lips. "I'll be there if you do."

InuYasha watched on the sly as she walked over and climbed into the waiting van. He lowered his eyes back to the ground and his lips parted as his body expelled his pain in two simple words. "I know."

Turning away, he grimaced as he felt his body tremble as the ache inside him doubled. It took all that he had to hold it together. How little did he know the impact her presence did to him. She had the potential to lift him from the darkest depths, and the power to plunge him back down. All from only a few choice words.

He began to pace once more as he lifted his cell phone from his pocket. His hands shook uncontrollably and he felt sick. He may have wanted her. She may have had the ability to keep his mind from his pain, but she did not deserve that kind of dependency. She was not an angel. She was not above the pain he would cause her. She couldn't know how to cope. He certainly didn't. It was better off she left him alone. She was just a little girl. He finally saw that. She worried about little things and little problems.

She could never handle what he was because she could never understand where he was coming from. Or why he had to do what he was about to do. He sighed as the phone clicked on the other end.

"Yes?"

"Hiten? I need a favour."

-+-

A/N: Another chapter. Sorry for the wait. I am back at work now. The next one will be better, and hopefully quicker.

Once again I want to give special thanks to my beta. Even though she was on vacation, she still managed to humour me and look over my chapter. And thanks for all the great reviews. You really make my days go by better! Thank you for sticking with me through all the ups and downs.

Oh! BlackMamba07… I accidentally deleted your review when I went to respond to it! I am so sorry! But I appreciate you took the time to tell me what you thought and sorry I didn't get to thank you properly.

And thank you for all of those who have been reading Demons Within Us. I hope you have been enjoying the story, and continue with me to see it to its end.

Peace!

WDW


	21. The Games We Play

InuYasha unconsciously shivered as he stepped off of his Harley. This area of the city always gave him the creeps. It was the Southern Block, known also as the Seventh Hell.

Almost ten years ago a heat bomb obliterated the area. The damage was so extensive that the fires from this blast threatened the whole city for three weeks. Gas lines blew up, firestorms were always roaring, and bodies were nothing more than ash and bone. Any person that stepped into this area of town trying to rescue survivors did so with their own lives. They said that it was the closest thing to Hell any mortal would ever see.

Seven thousand people were instantly killed the night the bomb hit. No one who was on this block had survived. There were rumours about one survivor, but that faded off in time, as well as the hope in restoring this place. It was now only a graveyard. No bodies were removed from this place, since none could be found. Stories spoke about how the area was haunted, and bad ki permeated from the ground. That's why it had never been cleared. No developer wanted to touch it, since no soul-fearing creature wanted to live in it. This place was tainted.

InuYasha walked slowly onward towards the centre of the city block and looked around.

The buildings that remained were nothing more than hollowed out caverns blackened from ash, mould and decay. Rats jumped and scurried around his feet and he had to keep from grimacing in disgust at the waste he treaded upon. Why the fuck Hiten and his brother had to meet him here was beyond him.

He cast his gaze around quickly to find his bearings before moving through the debris and fallen timber until he reached his destination. He growled low as he looked up at the massive, cement stairs that lead to the drop off point. About a hundred cracked and charred steps rose up to the height of the Seventh Hell where a Shinto Shrine once stood, guarding the city like a sentinel. A lot of good it did.

He slowly made his way up the stairs to finally see the one thing that always made his skin crawl.

The tree.

The massive plant was the only thing left standing in this whole goddamned place. Its burnt and naked branches were held high and firm amongst the blackened gloom of the city block. Though its very tip touched the ink jet sky, not even the stars could grace light upon its charred flesh. Any gust of wind that blew on that tree created sounds that made gooseflesh rise hard on his body. Even now a whispered breeze echoed through the timber, sounding like voices talking to each other. He stared at it uneasily as he drew near.

A dark chuckle quickly brought his attention to the base of the tree to see a long, ebony haired man walk from behind it and rest his back against the scorched trunk.

"A dog afraid of trees. I'd never seen the day…."

InuYasha's eyes narrowed. "Fuck off, Hiten." He strolled irritably over to the dark-eyed man. "And if you call me 'dog' again it would be the last thing you do."

Hiten smirked, his black eyes shimmering in ease. "Pleasantries aside, what is it you came here for? It certainly wasn't for the scenery."

"Shut up." InuYasha growled, fisting his hands into his pockets. "You already know what I came here for so stop wasting my time."

"Now, now. Is that any way to treat a friend who is doing you a favour?" Hiten smiled slightly before lifting his back off the tree and led him over to a worn down shed. "Besides, doesn't your bitch usually provide for you?"

"She was not my bitch." The silver haired man snarled bitterly.

"Touchy." Hiten shrugged indifferently while pulling out a smoke and offering one to InuYasha. "I take it she cast you off?"

"Other way around." InuYasha grumbled, accepting the fag and leaning into the lighter Hiten held out.

"Is that right?" Hiten raised a brow, clicking his Zippo shut. "Interesting."

InuYasha didn't say anything as he inhaled deep and slow on his drag.

"To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't tell her to fuck off sooner." Hiten swiftly inhaled his own smoke. "That bitch was crazy."

"Keh." InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Was?"

Hiten chuckled and shook his head. "Don't know how you did it, man, but somehow you grew balls." His dark eyes settled on his long time friend and he smirked. "You finally did something right."

InuYasha scowled and flipped up his middle finger. "Less talk, more business."

Hiten laughed and nodded as he quickly puffed on the remainder of his cigarette. Maten, Hiten's younger brother, apparently hated him smoking so he had to do it on the sly. He talked about quitting often, but InuYasha had yet to see the man go through with his actions. He stifled a smirk at seeing the man whip out a deodorizer and sprayed his body thoroughly.

Waving off the remainder of his smoke, Hiten flicked his head, indicating for InuYasha to follow before stepping into the shed.

The singer moved to the wide doorway and looked in. Below some wooden stairs was a dilapidated well where Maten waited, holding a dimly lit lantern. He frowned; taking in the faint light as Hiten quickly hopped down the frail stairs and began talking quietly to his brother.

InuYasha warily eyed the fat, bald man that was Maten. He held nothing against the man, but he hated how those dark eyes watched him with a hidden knowledge. He flicked his gaze to the wooden floor below and jumped down the rickety steps to join them.

Once settled below, he looked around uneasily. The wooden walls were scarred and blackened in places but not as bad as the rest of the area. It seemed as if the fire hardly touched this shack, though it did look worn down from age and use.

Casually placing his cigarette in his mouth, and ignoring the scowl coming from Maten, InuYasha sauntered lazily towards the ancient well and looked down. He could barely see the blackened bottom, but he could tell there was no water inside or looked to have ever held any. What was the point of it then? He snorted. Most useless shit ever. What good did it do for anybody?

"Hey."

InuYasha looked up to see Hiten and Maten watching him intently. He pulled his smoke from his mouth. "What?"

The brothers looked at each other, then at InuYasha. Maten nudged his brother on.

Hiten smirked lazily down at his little brother before flicking black eyes up at InuYasha. "We saw you on the tube tonight. You sounded okay."

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Whatever." His gaze landed on the goofy smile on Maten's face and he inwardly sighed. "Okay, I'll bite. What the fuck are you guys leading on to?"

"Nothing really." Hiten shrugged and cast his eyes over at his brother. "But it was the first time we've seen the new addition to your group."

"Your drummer is hot!" Maten choked out.

InuYasha clenched his teeth hard before he settled his sudden temper. He quickly shrugged and sat back against the lip of the well as he inhaled a long draft of his cigarette. "Says you. She's a pain in the ass."

The brothers chanced a glance at each other before knowing leers settled on their lips.

"So, you're saying she's available?" Hiten leaned against the wall of the shed and crossed his arms.

Golden eyes flashed daggers at the man.

The black haired dealer lifted a shoulder in defeat and cast his eyes over at his stooped sibling. "I guess not. Sorry, little brother."

Maten sighed. "She looked out of my league anyways. But it would have been so nice to have her."

A sour wrench in his gut had InuYasha tasting bile at the thought of them touching Kagome. He pulled his half finished fag from his mouth and tossed it down the well in bitter haste. Blowing out the remainder of his smoke, he inwardly seethed at the slow burn he felt. "You're better off." He mumbled. "She'd hate everything about you."

"Us?" Hiten sidled up to Maten and threw his arm over his brother's shoulder. "But chicks dig dangerous men."

InuYasha snorted and unconsciously smirked. "Not her. She's too fucking proper. She'd probably try to turn you into choir boys or something."

"Oh." Hiten grimaced. "One of those, eh? Definitely not worth it."

Maten smiled slightly. "I don't know. To have her near me, I think I'd gladly give it all up and go the straight and narrow."

"And leave me?" Hiten feigned a frown.

"Oh no! Never, brother!" Maten shook his head instantly. "I'd take you with me, and we would live in a large house in the country where you could take up fishing and chase around my children."

"Children, huh?" Hiten smiled. "You dog, you."

"We'd have at least six or seven." Maten nodded happily before a cold hand gripped his shirt collar and lifted him up, making his eyes widen and his breath leave him in fear.

"It would be a wise decision to shut up now." InuYasha snarled down into his sweat stained face.

"InuYasha?"

Golden eyes shot up to glare hard into black. Hiten was staring at him in shock.

"What!" He barked.

Hiten took in the petrified face of his younger sibling. His face grew dark and he flashed his ebony eyes back at the ivory haired man. "We were just joking, man. Put him down!"

InuYasha flicked his eyes down at Maten, then up at Hiten. He settled the man back down on the floor and released him. "Yeah, well… you're wasting my time talking about shit I don't give a fuck about. I didn't come here to listen to you go on about Kagome!"

"Kagome?" Hiten raised a brow in surprise. It was the first time InuYasha ever called a girl by her name and he couldn't help but ask.

InuYasha stepped forward with a furious gleam in his eye.

"Fuck!" Hiten backed up. "Sorry, man! Shit! Fine, we'll leave it alone!"

"My merchandise?" The man growled, his amber eyes flashing fire.

"Maten." Hiten looked over at his brother and motioned for him to come to him.

Maten stumbled over towards his brother while fishing into his coat pockets. "We should have known better than talk about his woman, big brother."

InuYasha raised his chin slightly at that statement. He was about to blow hell at them some more, but he felt his body betray him as his mind focused on two words: his woman. For some reason, the innate declaration soothed him.

Hiten absently glared at InuYasha while he helped his brother search his pockets. He noticed the slight shaking of the golden-eyed man and knew his addictions were calling the shots, but he wasn't about to excuse him for his behaviour. "You didn't have to scare Maten like that. Fuck, he didn't know that it would piss you off."

InuYasha shrugged. "Now he does."

Hiten narrowed his eyes angrily at the man. "InuYasha…."

InuYasha sighed and slumped his shoulders in slight rebuke. He couldn't blame Maten. The man had Down syndrome and was innocent in his actions. He knew that. It was a low blow to threaten him at all, but he couldn't control what he did. Even now his body was screaming at him to say fuck it all, but thankfully his conscience burned him awake.

He flicked his eyes up and down the fidgeting man before him. "Maten. Hey, look…." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, man."

Maten nodded and slowly began to relax. A small smile settled in his lips and he tilted his head in acceptance. "It's okay. I understand. If someone wanted my woman, I would do the same."

InuYasha smirked and rolled his eyes as he shifted awkwardly. "Yeah, well, she isn't my woman."

Maten scratched his brow and gave InuYasha a knowing smile. "Maybe if you treated her nice, she would be."

InuYasha shrugged and looked down but didn't respond.

Hiten shared a glance with his brother and gave him a slight wink in understanding as he continued to search his brother's pockets. Both smiled when Hiten finally pulled out a three by five bag filled with several pills.

He held the bag out to his friend, but then fisted it tightly in his hand as an after thought. "Listen, man. Go easy on this shit. There's been talk of some fucked up solution being laced. You never know where this stuff has been."

InuYasha raised a brow and grabbed the bag out of his hand. "Looking out for me now? What do I owe the honour?"

Hiten looked away uncomfortably and a slight indignant flush crawled up his cheeks. "There will never be favours between us, Yash. You already know our pact for getting Souten out of this hellhole. Just don't ever threaten my brother again, or I will fuck you up."

"You'd better." InuYasha chuckled dryly and reached into his back pocket. With a relaxed flick of his wrist, he tossed a wad of bills to his buddy. "Go buy yourself something pretty."

Hiten mockingly scowled and tapped Maten's chest with the back of his hand, signalling his brother it was time to go.

InuYasha hopped up the stairs with ease and reached down to help Hiten pull Maten out of the shed. Once on top, he waited for Hiten to check and see if Maten had everything before they headed home. He watched as they eventually headed toward the stairs on the opposite side of the shrine from which he came.

Before heading down, Hiten turned to look over his shoulder. "Yash? About those pills?"

InuYasha tucked the bag of said objects into his back pocket. "Yeah?"

The onyx haired man frowned and looked around uncomfortably before settling his eyes back on his friend. "You know where this shit comes from. You may be some hotshot singer now, but that won't save you if you piss off the wrong people. Just be careful."

The silver headed man nodded. He knew that Naraku dallied in the majority of the stock, but he also knew that the drug lord had no intentions of losing his major money pot now that Perdition was a success. "No worries. Think he'd try to kill his biggest pay check?"

Hiten smiled slightly. "Yeah, well, that's only if anyone bothers to listen to your shit. I ain't buying your CD."

"You're going to download it, aren't you?" InuYasha raised a brow knowingly.

Hiten chuckled and waved his hand. "I already have Pain on my iPod."

InuYasha shook his head in ease and turned his back on his friends as made his way over towards the stairs he had came up from at the front of the Shrine. He cast a quick glance down at his watch. Four thirty six. It'll be dawn soon. He was looking forward to crashing at his apartment and being comatose for the next two days. Fuck, he needed it. He tapped his hand against his back pocket, reassuring himself that the drugs were safely there.

Rounding the other side of the large tree, he stopped short at the sound of crunching footfalls at the front of the fallen shrine. He slowly eased back behind the tree and waited for whomever it was to arrive. No one else was supposed to be in the area as far as he knew. Who the fuck was here at this time?

He tilted his head slightly to glance around the blackened trunk to catch a glimpse from one eye. His whole body felt like it shut down at what he saw.

Kagome?

-+-

Tired blue eyes glanced up at the massive stone staircase before them and the young woman they belonged to let out a shuddering sigh. It had been much too long since she had come here, and at the same time did not feel long enough. She would have been thankful to miss this, especially with all that had gone on in the last few days. In fact, she would have missed this day entirely had not the evening news reminded her of its significance while they waited for the men to pack up their gear before catching the train.

To say the train ride home itself was easy would have been a lie. Every mile brought her closer to an obligation she so wanted to avoid. Guilt and sorrow rubbed her raw as she contemplated skipping tonight, but the more she tried to convince herself to cast it aside, the more heavier her soul felt at forsaking her duty. She had hoped to find comfort in her struggle…. Her eyes lowered in sadness at remembering angered amber orbs. But it would have been too much to ask from him. He had done so much for his friends as is and it would have been impossible to have him do the same for her. She wasn't his friend after all.

Kagome inhaled deep and closed her eyes. It no longer mattered. She was here now. And it was now or never.

She slowly stepped forward and shivered uncontrollably as she met the hard stone beneath her feet. This seemed so surreal. She saw these stairs in her mind so often that it was hard to tell if she was in a nightmare or if this was really happening. Slowly she began to count in her head.

Two. Three. Four….

She didn't want to see what has become of them. She didn't want to know what surrounded her. She wanted to remember how it was. With her eyes closed, she could see them clear as day.

She knew that the thirtieth stair had a massive crack on the side so that she would have to move to her left.

Thirty-one. Thirty-two. Thirty-three….

She knew the fifty-eighth was missing a chunk, so she would have to step over it.

Fifty-nine. Sixty. Sixty-one….

She knew her steps would eventually slow as she neared the top, with her heart pounding and her fear rising.

Eighty-two…. Eighty-three…. Eighty-four….

And she knew she'd feel the urge to fly down these stairs once she reached the last step.

Ninety-five….

….Ninety-six.

Kagome released a shaky breath she did not know she held and kept her eyes shut. Standing still atop the stairs, she tilted her head slightly, sensing everything around her. A soft wind blew, cool, but fresh, with only a hint of charcoal tickling her nose. Noises from the city were like a hush, too far away to take notice of. It was so strange but so achingly familiar.

Inhaling deep, she quelled her frantic anxiety and slowly opened her eyes to a sight that never ceased to horrify her.

Kagome's mouth opened slightly as she tried to breathe. Her body felt rigid but her eyes moved across the Shrine with a will of their own.

The Sunset Shrine. It still looked exactly like it did since the day she first came back. The day she first felt able to finally confront her past. Every year since then she had come back to put old ghosts to rest. Funny thing was, she still felt the same way as she did the first day. She was still terrified to a point where she couldn't even breathe or move. But she had to come back. She couldn't forget them. She couldn't allow herself to be so selfish. Especially tonight.

Tonight was the night it all happened Nine years ago, at this moment, her whole life changed.

_Where are we?_

_What the hell is going on?_

Her muscles felt like ice, but she forced her body to respond. Slowly, her leg stepped forward as she took in what was her home. A blackened reminder that looked nothing as it once did.

_The dust had only just begun to form_

_Crop circles in the carpet._

_Sinking… feeling…._

She struggled to hold her head up as she slowly approached the fallen debris that was once the shrine where so many had come to pray. But to her, it was something more.

Her eyes lowered to the front block and she stopped. She could almost see the images of her father picking her up and twirling her around and around, like faded ghosts dancing before her.

'Fly for me, my Kagome! Fly, my angel!'

She shut her eyes as joyous laughter tickled across her ears, like silver bells. She remembered the happiness. She could feel the sun on her face and how warm it was that day. And there was a hint of freshly cut grass….

_Spin me round again_

Kagome ripped her eyes open and looked quickly around. But it was gone, just a memory to haunt her for the rest of her life.

And rub my eyes

_This can't be happening_

She sadly looked down at the ash and fragments that was the Sunset Shrine. This was the public's shrine. During the war so many had come here to pray for their lives and for the lives of those who were sent off to fight. It was always so active. There was always someone here.

The streets below the Shrine steps used to be filled with the sounds of passing cars, ringing bicycle bells and of talking people as they carried on with their day. But she would always remember their faces when they came to the Shrine….

_When busy streets _

_A mess with people _

_Would stop to hold _

_Their heads heavy_.

She turned and moved on. She treaded lightly over the waste and rubble, looking at places that once stood tall and proud. Ancient but everlasting….

_Hide and seek_

_Trains and sewing machines_

_All those years_

_They were here first_.

She stopped when her sneaker accidentally kicked a loose board on the ground. Looking before her, her heart fluttered with dread. This was her house, or what was left of it. Slowly, she stepped into the rubble to move through the remains. The rusty metallic appliances looked like twisted and bubbled nightmares, scattered and fallen in what was once a home that was always there, but now it only remained in the memory of one last soul.

She silently followed a path she knew so well. It used to be the main hallway leading through her house and it was the only structure that remained standing.

Looking at the wall as she walked along side of it, she lifted her hands to trace the rectangular patterns where her family's mementos once hung.

_Oily marks appear on walls_

_Where pleasure moments hung before_

_They take over, _

_The sweeping insensitivity_

_Of this still life._

She stopped when a slight tinkle erupted by her foot. She knelt down and fingered her way through the ash to bring up a small bronze bell. "Oh…." Her eyes burned as hot tears sprang forth. "Buyo."

How many times did that fat calico sit on her lap as she studied and made her laugh over the stupidest things he did? She could still smell his foul breath when he yawned in her face to wake her up in the morning.

Her face contorted into bitter grief. He was here when he died. And he was alone.

Shaking her head of such thoughts, she fisted the little bell in her hand and placed it gently in her pocket. Slowly she stood, dusting the remains from her jeans and blinked back the tears to see where she was going.

She continued on through the fallen memories to finally step out onto the other side. Her head turned ever so slightly and she let her eyes flow up to the Guardian of the Shrine.

The God Tree.

The only thing that still stood amongst the chaos and pain that surrounded it. It used to bloom pink blossoms at this time, yet its mighty branches still looked as if it held up the entire sky. How many times did she and Souta sit under the shade of that tree? How many stories did they tell? How many games did they play?

Hide and seek Trains and sewing machines

She could still see his seven-year old body run across the yard just like he did the last day and ducked behind the massive trunk, trying to hide from her.

_(oh you won't catch me around here)_

But all that remained of that mighty tree was a barren body, with arms outstretched and a head hung down. She often wondered how it still stood and survived. She knew it was still alive, though it hadn't bloomed a single leaf since the day it watched the city burn. This tree lasted a thousand years and she doubted it would fall so easy. Even in sleep, it still stood strong. Even though it was forgotten, it still watched over them behind its closed eyes.

She slowly approached the tree, oblivious to a set of wide golden orbs that watched her come near. Standing in silent reverie, she traced her fingers over the red sap that drained from its wounds. It still looked majestic though it appeared defeated. But deep within she knew it would outlast them all.

A small tear trailed down her face. She missed its presence. Would it ever grace them with life again?

_Blood and tears._

_They were here first._

She stepped back from the tree and silently knelt down, removing her yellow book bag from her shoulder.

InuYasha held his breath and pressed his body harder against the trunk and deeper into its shadow. He had watched her the entire time but he refused to reveal himself. Everything about this felt sacred and he knew he was intruding on something significant. He should have snuck away when he first saw her arrive, but he felt compelled to stay. Besides, someone had to make sure she was alright. This place wasn't safe after all.

_Mmm. What d'you say?_

_Mmm. That you only meant well?_

_Well, of course you did_.

Kagome lifted a small mahogany chest from her bag and set it down in front of her. Discarding the bag, she let her fingers trace the etchings in the wood of the container, feeling its familiar grooves before slowly opening it up.

InuYasha quietly turned his head and watched her from the corner of his eye. He felt his skin rise as the lid of the box opened, but he refused to move as his imagination spun at the ideas of what she was hiding.

He blinked and quickly looked down. This wasn't right. He shouldn't be here to witness this. But he couldn't bring himself to leave. As much as he hated to admit it, he wanted to know her secrets.

_Mmm. What d'you say_

_Mmm. That it's all for the best?_

_Of course it is._

Gingerly and with care, Kagome lifted a white lotus blossom from the case and serenely kissed it, before placing it between the massive roots of the tree.

The smell of wild sweetness tickled across InuYasha's nose and his eyes automatically shifted to follow her hands as she placed two more blossoms by the first. His eyes widened at the realization and his head slowly turned to look at the destroyed Shrine.

'She's not only the director of the Shikon House orphanage, she was also an orphan that lived there.'

He blinked as Sango's words tore him down.

'Kagome isn't as innocent as you think she is.'

_Mmm. What d'you say?_

_Mmm. That it's just what we need._

_You decided this_.

Kagome lowered her head as her tears began to fall from her like a river, pouring out her grief. Her struggled breaths as she cried softly were like torment to his body.

InuYasha turned his wide eyes back at her and felt his throat close off at the realization of it all.

Oh, God, no. This couldn't have been her home. She couldn't have been through this. She must not have been here when it happened. There was no way she could have survived.

Mmm. What d'you say?

Why didn't she tell him?

Mmm. What did she say?

Nothing… everything….

He lowered his eyes in understanding. He knew now that she wasn't without pain. Why didn't he allow himself to see it?

He blinked tiredly. Because he never questioned why she was an orphan or where she had come from. He just didn't want to listen.

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth_

_Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs_

He just didn't want to know. He just wanted her to be so far removed from anything he felt.

His golden gaze flowed up to look at the prone woman before him. He didn't want to believe she could know how it felt. If he believed it, then he wouldn't feel close to her, she wouldn't be… human.

Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you

Kagome lifted her head and her blue eyes reflected more pain and sorrow he'd ever seen in anyone. Her face looked to mourn for everyone that had ever felt such anguish, and she was suffering… alone.

He shut his eyes from the assault.

You don't care a bit

_You don't care a bit_

She was supposed to be untouchable. She was supposed to be above this. Nothing could reach her. He needed her to be too far removed from the pain.

_(Hide and seek)_

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth _

_Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs_

He didn't want her to know suffering. He didn't want her to know hatred, grief or fear. He didn't want her to be human! He wanted her as far from his soul as she could get.

_(Hide and seek)_

_Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you _

Then he could forget about her and never think about her, because she wasn't real.

_You don't care a bit_

_You don't care_

_You don't care a bit_

Her gasp of inconsolable pain made his eyes fly open and his mouth parted as he tried to breathe.

It was just a dream. This wasn't real. He tried to tell himself anything, as many lies as he could come up with. As long as he didn't have to hear her cry or know what those tears were for.

He clenched his hands hard against the bark of the tree as he heard her stand and gather her belongings. He slowly turned his head as she walked away, following her solemn movements across the Shrine grounds to stand still above the stairs to watch the growing morning.

_(Hide and seek) _

_(oh no)You don't care a bit _

_(oh no)You don't care a bit_

Her hands grasped tightly the redwood container and she turned her head to take in the entire decimated mass surrounding the Shrine.

His eyes widened as the dawn broke suddenly over her and flooded the grounds with an orange light, spreading a blazing white aura around her form as she released thousands of tiny white petals from her case.

He watched them dance and flutter in the dawn's breeze, spreading out like a soft curtain in the air to eventually settle around the charred remains below. His eyes lowered when he felt a soft tickle grace his body and he softly pinched a tiny petal that rested perfectly on his arm.

Dropping the small petal to fall abandoned on the wind, his golden gaze looked up once more to find the angelic woman, but she was gone.

_(Hide and seek)_

_(Mmhm) You don't care a bit _

_You don't care a bit_

_You don't care a bit_

-+-

"Yes?"

"Hiten!" A dark feminine voice spat at him.

The dark eyed man glowered into his cell phone. It was five-thirty in the fucking morning. What was Kikyo doing calling him now? God, he hated that bitch.

"Yeah."

"Did you give him my treat?" Her cold voice cut him like glass.

Hiten slowly sat up in his bed and wiped his exhausted face. His chest still felt like it was bleeding ice over what he did to his friend. "Yeah."

"So you didn't con me?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Kikyo! I gave him your shit like you asked, now do your part of the deal and leave us the fuck alone!"

"Hiten?" Maten poked his sleepy head up from over the pull away couch on the opposite side of the tiny apartment.

Hiten motioned his brother to go back to sleep. "It's okay, buddy. Just a telemarketer asking for a survey."

Maten yawned and nodded. His head disappeared behind the couch.

"Fuck off, Kik. I did what you told me to. The rest of it is off my shoulders." Hiten hissed into the phone.

Her words sliced him to the core. "It'd better be, or that freak brother of yours will be feeling the worse care a mental institution can offer. I won't hesitate in calling social services if this does not go the way I want."

His eyes flashed to the couch and he growled low in helplessness.

He wanted to keep his brother safe and as far from harm as he could and that took money, lots of it. And it took taking whatever shit he was dealt to keep his family safe. He didn't have the education or the experience to make it as anything else, and the courts took any inheritance they had after their parents died.

This life was his only choice he had if he wanted to keep Maten safe. If his little brother were different he'd have sent him off somewhere safe like he did for his baby sister. He might have been able to take on a normal job to get him back on his feet, but no one would be able to take care of Maten like he could. He worked too hard to keep them where they were and no one would take his brother away from him.

"I did all that you asked of me." He voice sounded dead in the phone. "Whatever happens now is in Yash's court."

Kikyo was silent for a few moments before her voice burned a chill right through him. "When did you give him the shit?"

Hiten blinked in confusion. "About an hour ago or so. Why?" But he didn't get a response as Kikyo hung up on him.

"Then where the fuck is he?" Kikyo said as she stood outside InuYasha's empty apartment.

-+-

"Fuck! I'm coming!" Sango snarled as she padded across her warehouse floor and unbolted the massive aluminium door. Before she had a chance to reach for the handle the door shot up with a loud clang.

Sango's eyes widened at the dishevelled appearance of her best friend.

"InuYasha? It's six in the morning. What the hell!"

The silver haired man shoved past her and dragged her in with him. The door fell shut behind them with a bang.

"You know, don't you." He growled as he led her to her room.

Sango blinked at him in total confusion and followed quickly behind. "Know what?"

"About Kagome."

Sango stopped short as her body became fully awake. Her eyes widened as he turned and glared clear golden eyes down at her.

"Tell me what you know."

-+-

A/N – Hide and Seek is by Imogen Heap. Freaky sound, but listen to it enough and it grows on you for some reason. (Shrugs)

I hope you all liked this chapter. I know it was a long time in coming for InuYasha to finally get a sense of Kagome's past and her pain. This chapter will make more sense and connections further into the story. But I'm glad to finally have a turning point in their relationship. And yes, the next chapter will be Kohoku. I know that is a long time in coming too. (As well as the person in the bedroom at the mansion). Everything will be revealed at some point, don't worry. My cyber legs are aching for the amount of people who kicked me for dragging it out so long .

But I still appreciate the reviews, and thank you all for sticking with me as I write the story. I really hate to disappoint, and will do what I can to make sure this story is a good read.

Anyways, lots of love, life and happiness to you all!

WDW


	22. Guardian Angel

Kagome bit her lower lip as she glanced around the growing crowd. It was well after two o'clock on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon and Guardian, the name the children finally agreed to call their band, had been playing steady for the better part of the hour.

Ayame and Hojo went all out for this event. The outdoor stage at Lakeshore Park had been booked and various media were contacted to let the public know of the charity concert. Apparently it worked, since over two thousand had showed up and more were already coming to idle around the blocked off stage to watch as the children played. It was now just a matter of waiting for a certain group of people to show to make this day complete.

Kagome let out a slow breath and clutched the terrible twist in her stomach as she nervously searched the sea of faces.

Sango and Miroku hadn't shown up yet, but that was expected. Miroku was gracious enough to call a while ago to let her know they had slept in, but would be there around two. Kouga was wonderful enough to show up early to help with the set up and of course be with Ayame. Which left only one person to make this day inevitable, the one person who would tell her if Kohaku was really Sango's brother.

"Kagome?"

The ebony haired woman turned quickly around to see Kaede come up to her.

"Has Bankotsu called?" The old woman asked.

Kagome nodded as she unconsciously pinched at the dull ache forming behind her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. She was overtired, not having gone to bed until after dawn and even then her sleep was light as she worried about today's outcome. It was by choice that she dealt with last night on her own, having everyone believe she didn't arrive back from Tokyo until early in the morning. In that circumstance she needed to be alone for too many would have drowned her mourning in their need to console her. She couldn't fully confide in anyone about Kohaku either. Too much was at risk, especially since the evidence she was waiting for could go either way. Her strength was being tried in more ways than one, but it was inconceivable for her to even think to walk away from it all.

She let her hand drop and sighed. "Yeah. He said he'd be here in a few minutes."

"Are you all right, child?"

Kagome shook her head and lifted her worried eyes to the elder woman. "I don't know." She turned to look over her shoulder towards the crowd once more. "I don't know if I did the right thing."

"Then you do not see it as I see it, Kagome." Kaede smiled softly as she regarded the girl. "What is meant to be will be. Things have a habit of occurring whether we give it permission or not."

"I know." Kagome sighed once again and looked wearily over at Kaede. "But I hate not knowing for sure. I know Bank couldn't have been here before the set up, and I'm rather thankful that Sango is late. But still, this isn't giving me much time to prepare them if Kohaku is who he may be. I couldn't tell them and get their hopes up only for them to find out they aren't family. They've been through enough as it is. I just wish I knew what to do to make it right."

Kaede nodded. "Yes, the possibilities of their meeting could go either way. But if it weren't for you, they may never have met at all. And if you had not made such an impact on your friend Sango, you would not know of her possible attachment to Kohaku. Indeed, had you not known, imagine how more awkward this situation would be if they should be siblings. Consider it a blessing to have that knowledge, and for yourself to be prepared once you know for sure."

"That's just it." Kagome scanned the crowd once more. "I'd like to know before Sango comes. There are too many variables of what can happen, and only a few of them come out good."

"Then that is when you let life take over."

Kagome's shoulders slumped in dejection as she began to protest. "Kaede…."

"Kagome, you know for a fact that no one can control the path our choices make, we can only hope to divert it by choosing wisely."

Kagome nodded sadly. "I just hope I made the right decision." She looked over at the boy whose life may change drastically within the next hour as he laughed with his friends during their break. "For both of them."

Kaede's grey eye drifted over to Kohaku as he playfully shoved Shippou onto the stage to begin their next set. "Then have faith. Let it be as you would want it. You will know what to do once the situation arrives. Your heart will lead you right, should you listen. And Kohaku will endure. No matter what happens, he still has this family."

Kagome nodded, although despondently, and looked over to the stage to watch the children laugh and joke with each other before they began to play. Kohaku's own laughter drifted lightly on the breeze towards her. It sounded so pure and uninhibited, just as he should be. Happy. That's everything he deserved.

She pulled her gaze back to Kaede and gave her a resolved smile, knowing now what she had to do. It was the only thing she could do. Slowly, she moved into the crowd and listened to the boy she loved like a brother as he played with his band. Only, he wasn't her brother, not the way he needed to be.

She cast her gaze down as she moved through the various people who cheered as Guardian played. Kohaku's voice resounded smoothly over the audience. It was so strong and so sure. He was nothing like the boy Sango described. True, he had his past that he feared, but he also had a future he anticipated. He knew what he wanted and he went for it. He made sure to let nothing stand in his way, and he did it with more ease and humility than any she had known. He was an amazing kid but he would be the last to think so.

Her deep blue eyes drifted up to glimpse through the moving bodies at the teenager who stood on the stage. The happy and content look on his face automatically drew a soft smile to her lips before the sad realization reached her heart.

He wasn't a child anymore. He was around eighteen by now, but for some reason she could never forget that shy, freckled child that stumbled into her life so many years ago. And now there he stood on his own. His dark brown hair feathered lightly above his shoulders and she was glad to see he forgo the dark make up today, though he was dressed entirely in black. He looked so handsome and so confident standing on that stage, making him beam in pride for what they had accomplished. Something she knew the girls in the crowd noticed as well since she heard a few call to him to get his attention as they struggled to get to the edge of the stage, bumping her in the process.

Kagome watched them from the corner of her eye as they passed by her. They could never know who he is or what he went through. She let her eyes drift to the front. Even he didn't know.

Kohaku was a whole new person than what he was when he first came to the orphanage. Though his past had yet to be determined, and he did still have bouts of panic attacks over things that lay dormant in his mind, he persevered to overcome his insecurities to make him into the man before her. Could he have done that had he known what his past might have been? Could he remain the wunderkind that he is if he found out? Could he carry the burden of the truth for the rest of his life? Could anyone live a normal life having that over their heads?

She turned her back and began to walk away from the stage and away from him. She didn't know the answers to any of those fears, but she also knew she couldn't protect him from himself. She would do no good to him if she kept him in the dark for the rest of his life. But she would keep him from the pain for as long as she was able. Until she found out the truth, only she would carry this burden. And if it comes to the fact that he was whom she thought….

She glanced over her shoulder to look at Kohaku for a long moment before she walked on. He deserved to know his life, he deserved to have that gap filled, but if he could not carry the burden of it all….

Her head rose slightly with serene resolution. If he could not carry his weight, then she would carry him.

Kagome continued to move silently through the crowd, searching for the edge of the mass. She was shocked she was able to hear the sound of her name over the music and looked up to see Hojo waving at her from across the grassy field where the throng of people had thinned out. Walking more quickly in his direction, she was relieved to see he was standing next to Bankotsu.

Smiling widely, Kagome finally manoeuvred her way out of the crowd to meet them.

"Bank!" She cried as she ran over to him, jumped into his arms and hugged him hard. "Oh, I've missed you!"

"Hey, Kagome, baby." The black haired man chuckled and squeezed her hard, nuzzling his nose into her soft raven locks. "Mmm. You still smell so sweet." He set her down and looked at her lovingly with fathomless blue-grey eyes. "Every time I see you, you take my breath away. How many times do I wish I can just keep you?"

Kagome laughed and swatted his broad chest. "If Jak heard that you'd be sleeping on the couch for sure!"

"Believe me, that would only be punishing me." A low feminine voice said behind her.

Kagome turned and cried out in happiness. "Jakotsu!" She ran into the slender man's arms. "I thought you were still in Paris!"

"The exhibit ended Thursday, so I hopped a plane home." The dark eyed man smiled and hugged her warmly. He quickly let her go and circled his arm around Kagome's waist affectionately while he looked over at his lover scrutinizing. "I had to make sure Bank was behaving himself."

"Oh come on." Kagome smiled at the exuberant brunette beside her. "You know exactly what he does when you're away."

Jakotsu lifted a brow wearily. "Yes, on the computer playing that damn game. You swear if it wasn't for work that man would never see the light of day again."

Bankotsu rolled his eyes and pulled his wife away from Kagome. "You know, I'm right here…."

Jakotsu leaned lovingly up against him. "I know you are, dear." He looked over at Kagome as a wide grin grew on his face. "You have to see this darling little number I got for him in Paris! It's black with sexy little samurais…."

"Jak, honey? Shut up." Bank began to flush. Everyone laughed at his expense before the investigator shook his head. "Anyways, 'Jo said you needed me to check out something for you."

Kagome quickly sobered. "Yes, about Chihaya Kohaku. Did you find out anything?"

Bankotsu nodded. He lifted a yellow envelope from his back pocket and handed it to her. "This was all I could find, and it's not very much. These records were under confidential and I had to pull in a lot of favours to get this for you. Seems whoever this kid was he was into heavy crime, but has long been dead for a number of years. I'm not sure what info you needed of him, but that's all I could get in such a short amount of time."

Kagome gripped the envelope hard and stared down at it. "I understand. Thank you all the same for getting what you could." She glanced up to capture Bankotsu's eyes. "I'm so happy you could even get this for me."

Bank shrugged as he wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. "Hey, lil' angel, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." He reached over and tapped Kagome's nose. "I only wish I could do more."

Her warm blue eyes looked up in soft adoration for the man before her. Very few knew that Bankotsu was the young police officer that found her in the ruins of her Shrine. He rescued her moments from death and stayed with her at the hospital as she recovered. He became like a protector to her, and she in turn had become his little angel. Or so he said. He saved her life, and yet she could never fathom what she gave him in return to make him love her like an older brother.

"You have given me more than I can ever hope for, and someday I'll return the favour." She said as she hugged the envelope closer to her appreciatively. "You don't know how much this means to me."

Bank smiled and reached out to give her a tight hug. "I know what it means, Kag. And if it will help you help another then I'm be proud to be apart of it. That's all the reward I need."

Kagome smiled softly as she hugged him back with loving affection. Timidly, she let out an anxious breath and pulled away to look down at the envelope in her hands. She shut her eyes briefly before opening them with silent care and lifted the tab to pull out the information.

Her eyes darted over the pages, taking in bits and pieces of information that was once the boy called Chihaya Kohaku. The last thing she pulled out was a small photo tucked in the corner. Her breath left her as she looked up, and her body filled with relief and dread at what she saw.

Hojo moved quietly beside her. "Kagome? Is it…?"

"No." She whispered and turned to run into the crowd towards the stage.

-+-

InuYasha dragged his long fingers through his tangled hair as he sat indecisively on his rumbling Tessaiga.

'What the fuck am I so nervous about? She's just a girl.' He lifted his golden eyes to dart around the park from the lot he was sitting in. He inwardly groaned at seeing a large crowd of people surround a small black stage on which the kids from the orphanage played. Kagome wasn't anywhere in sight and he couldn't tell whether he was glad or annoyed about the fact.

Leaning heavily against the black leather seat of his Harley, he let his eyes drop to the gravel lot beneath him. Maybe this was a bad idea. It wasn't like he owed her anything by being here.

He felt his chest grow cold. No. That was a lie. He owed her. He owed her big for everything he had done to her up to this point. And he owed himself the chance to see her for what she really was.

He lifted his tired eyes up to the lush green of the park and stared blindly at the people. Whether or not he could make it up to her was beyond him. All he knew was that he needed to be here, because he needed to see her. After all, it's not everyday you are given sight.

Flashback

"Tell me what you know." InuYasha flared heatedly down at his friend.

Sango stepped back from him and gave him an angry look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit!" He snarled as the gold in his eyes darkened. "You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"InuYasha?" Miroku stepped sleepily from the bedroom, rubbing his heavy eyes. "What's going on? What time is it?"

InuYasha glanced at his guitarist before looking away in disgust. "Fuck sakes, Miro, put on some goddamned pants."

The dark haired man yawned and ducked back into the room without a care of his naked form.

Sango shook her head in annoyance and pushed past him. "Go home, InuYasha. Whatever the fuck you want to know can wait until tomorrow."

InuYasha glowered at her nightshirt clad back as she headed to her bedroom before he followed after her. He flicked on the bedroom light and crossed his arms, feeling hardly any guilt as he watched his two friends flinch at the brightness as they crawled back into bed.

"This can't wait." He frowned.

Sango groaned into her pillow. "Why?"

InuYasha opened and closed his mouth before he snorted. "Because… just because."

"That argument should hold up in court." Miroku mumbled. "Turn off the light before you go, Yash."

The silver haired man growled and scraped a chair from the side desk to straddle between his tense legs. He sat for a few moments in thought before he let out a long drawn out sigh.

"She had lotus blossoms." He murmured.

"Who did?" Miroku stated dumbly as he began to drift off to sleep.

"Kagome."

Sango opened a cinnamon eye wearily. "When?"

"Tonight. At the Southern Block."

Two pairs of eyes opened wide and looked over at the singer.

"What the fuck were you doing at the Southern Block?" Sango fumed. "Don't you know how dangerous that place is?"

Miroku was silent for a few moments before he cast his gaze at the ceiling. "Just where did you see Kagome, InuYasha?"

Sango automatically bit her lower lip and she glanced back at her boyfriend as the situation finally dawned on her. She cast her gaze back at her best friend and took in his exhausted expression as he dropped his amber eyes to the floor.

"I was meeting Hiten at the Seventh Hell, and before you rant about why I was meeting him, let me fucking finish." His cold eyes glared hard at Sango.

Her mouth automatically shut.

"Continue." Miroku yawned and sat up, making sure to keep himself covered by the blankets.

InuYasha shrugged. "I was heading off the shrine when I saw her. She seemed to know the place. Well, she walked through it like she knew where she was going anyways. She looked… out of it." Images of sad eyes triggered small jolts of pain in his chest and he mentally pushed them away.

Sango breathed in slowly before she spoke. "Did she say anything to you?"

InuYasha shook his head. "She didn't know I was there."

"So you spied on her?" Sango frowned.

Golden eyes shot up in defence. "Look, it wasn't like I knew she was just going to show up at five in the fucking morning in a place she had no goddamned right to be in. Fuck! Last thing I was going to do was call her on it. It wasn't any of my business anyways."

"And yet here you are asking about it." Miroku slumped back down on the bed. "Do yourself a favour, Yash, and forget you saw anything. What she did we have no reason to worry about. I'm assuming she did what she needed and is at home safe and sound."

"Damn it!" InuYasha shot up from the chair and thrust it back to the wall. "Why are you both okay with this? What are you keeping from me?"

Sango flared in an exhausted temper as she shot up from her bed and pointed furiously at him. "Nothing! We haven't kept a damn thing about Kagome from you! You did, you son of a bitch! And you have no right to come barging in here at god-awful hours in the morning demanding we tell you anything! If you want to know so bad, ask her your fucking self!"

InuYasha stepped back, wanting nothing more than to scream his frustrations out at his friends, but his anger quickly drained as a tired helplessness took over. "I can't."

"And why the hell not?" Sango wiped her tired brow and flumped back down on her bed.

"Because then she'll know what I saw." He rubbed his upper arm distractedly and looked down. "I don't think she wanted anyone around to see her."

Miroku lifted his head and turned his body to finally look upon his friend. "InuYasha… just what did you see?"

InuYasha darted his honey eyes up at the man before he let them drop to the floor. "I watched her put three lotus blossoms at the foot of the shrine tree."

"And?" Sango lifted a brow wearily.

"The lotus blossom is the symbol of the spiritual in Buddhist religion. It reveals the path of our lives, where we raise out of our worldly existence to transcend into purity." Miroku stated simply before looking at InuYasha. "I'm surprised you remembered that."

"Keh." InuYasha shrugged. "The monk you lived with may have been a drunk and a pervert, but when he was sober, he was interesting."

Miroku smirked at the memory but Sango frowned in confusion. "So she put some flowers by a tree. Why would you think she'd be upset that you were there?"

"Because." InuYasha's lips turned down in discomfort. "I saw… that she was crying… and that she was mourning…. I couldn't just walk up to her and ask her what the fuck she was doing. It wasn't my place."

Sango lifted her eyes up at her friend before she looked over at Miroku. She tilted her head as if to ask to fill InuYasha in about Kagome but Miroku slowly shook his head. Instead, he looked back at their long time friend as if waiting for him to continue and it wasn't long before InuYasha spoke.

"You came to my apartment and told me she wasn't as innocent as I thought. You told me she wasn't without pain." Golden eyes filled with uncertain emotions lifted to look at the pair on the bed. "That was her home, wasn't it? She lost her family in that bomb, didn't she?"

Sango's eyes drifted to the floor and Miroku looked immediately away. That was answer enough.

InuYasha slowly shook his head with a slight frown on his lips. "It must have been hard for her. Waking up one morning to find out your family was dead. She handled it pretty well considering she didn't end up fucked up like the rest of us." He snorted. "She was lucky, really. At least she wasn't there."

Sango and Miroku shot looks at each other before drifting their eyes at the man standing before them.

"InuYasha?" Sango began, not sure if she had the right to tell him. A soft hand squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. She glanced back to see Miroku nod once before she turned back to capture sun kissed eyes into her earthy brown. "Kagome wasn't so lucky as you think."

Twin brows furrowed in confusion.

Sango sighed tentatively and looked down. "Kagome was in that house when the bomb hit. She was there when the fire burned her family alive. She was the only one who survived the Southern Block bombing."

InuYasha felt like he took a blow to the face as he inadvertently stumbled back in shock. His back collided into the wall directly behind him before he slowly let himself slump to the floor. His hand came up to cover his mouth in an unconscious grip as he stared blankly ahead of him in disbelief for several minutes.

His hand eventually dropped and he shook his head dumbly. "Holy shit. No. No way. She couldn't have been there. It's impossible. No one lived through that." He looked up at Sango in an attempt to see if she was lying. "That place is nothing but ash. There is no way she was there…. There is no way she came out of that and still look like that."

Sango shifted off her bed and knelt down in front of the prone man. Her grey nightshirt stretched over her thighs as she rubbed his shin trying to comfort him. She wanted to tell him everything she knew, but her mouth remained shut. The scars that Kagome had were her own business. She had her reasons for keeping them hidden, and if Kagome wanted InuYasha to know, it would be her decision.

Instead, she breathed out an exhausted breath. "God only knows how Kagome got out of there, let alone survived. But she did. She was eventually placed in the orphanage where she works now. We don't know for sure all that she went through to get over what she'd been through, but she did." She shrugged and looked at her friend apprehensively. "Can anything that made her heal be all that bad?"

InuYasha looked up uncertainly before he slowly shook his head irately at what she meant. "Keh, whatever it was it was a delusion. Nothing could ever make that pain go away."

"Maybe not, but it helped her endure." Miroku stated simply.

InuYasha snorted in denial. "Yeah, well, goes to show she can live in a world of make believe. No supernatural force can honestly make things better. But if it helps her forget all the power to her."

Sango and Miroku exchanged glances before looking pitifully back at InuYasha.

He glared hard back at both of them. "What!" He blinked back in realization. "Oh for fuck sakes, don't tell me she got you convinced about her God crap?"

Miroku frowned and looked away angrily, but it was Sango that forced his attention. She was looking at him with a sad glint in her eyes as if she was disappointed in him. He searched her face for several moments before shifting his gaze away in discomfort.

"InuYasha?" Her soft voice touched his ears and he slowly looked back at her. "It's not like that." A shy smile graced her lips as she gazed at the floor. "Kagome has never spoken of religion or God. She never did anything to make us believe she was motivated by another reason." Sango sighed and looked up, though her eyes wouldn't meet his. "She was just… there."

InuYasha looked doubtful. "She was just 'there'?"

A dry chuckle left Miroku's lips as he sat still and quiet on the bed. His let his silver eyes drift over to meet gold. "Kagome does believe in something, InuYasha. She believes in others." He leaned back against the headboard and sighed. "She thinks everyone is good, or can be, and she wants to bring that out in people. She listens and does whatever she can without any care for herself." He shrugged. "She may not be into religion or whatever you think she is, but she's a saint."

InuYasha let out a soft snort. "I don't know. The way you go on about her, you make her seem like she's an angel or some shit."

"Maybe." Miroku shrugged as he rested his hands behind his head and a small smile flitted on his lips. "I've heard that angels fall for many reasons. Maybe she really is one."

InuYasha rolled his eyes and looked away in uneasiness. "Enough, Miro."

"Seriously, man. She could be."

"Kagome?" InuYasha lifted a brow. "An angel that fell from heaven to join a metal rock band?"

Miroku chuckled. "Well, maybe she knew Perdition would be something." The humour slowly dimmed from his eyes as he lifted his gaze to InuYasha. "Or maybe she fell because it was the only way she could help us."

InuYasha felt his gut clench hard in anxious dread. He tore his eyes away and glared hard at the side wall. "She isn't an angel, Miro."

"Maybe not." Sango sighed. "But whatever she is, or whatever she's gone through, she rose above it. And she helped me do the same."

InuYasha lifted his eyes to look at her curiously as she spoke.

"She never forced us into anything, InuYasha. She just showed that there's something better to live for. Whether or not there is a heaven, or if she is from there," she gave Miroku a wry glance before looking back at InuYasha, "she wants nothing more than to bring us to that place. She wants us to be happy."

InuYasha frowned in confusion and looked to Miroku for explanation, but the man's eyes were shut as if listening in silent contemplation. The singer looked warily back at the woman kneeling beside him but she too looked like there was nothing more to say. Yet both looked undisturbed over the fact of what they were implying. Kagome helped them by doing what, listening and telling them there's more to life to live for? That was so cliché he could puke. It was bullshit. She did absolutely nothing.

He watched them for a few moments before he let his head fall back against the wall behind him in dawning comprehension.

But Kagome did do something he realized, something to make them feel differently. All this while she had been there for them. He had ignored the subtle changes, but now looking at them he could finally see. They looked at ease. Something he hasn't seen in them in such a long time that the effect looked foreign to him. Yet it looked… tranquil. And it suited them.

He lowered his eyes to the tiled floor. It was all because of her: a girl who survived when no one else had, a woman who healed wounds where he could never reach. He shut his eyes heavily. And she did it….

"How?" His voice was low and gruff.

Miroku let out a quick breath in an attempt of a laugh. "Does it matter?"

InuYasha opened his eyes only to have them be captured by vivid brown orbs that were once filled with remorse, hurt and resentment. Now, they were filled with hopeful anticipation and shy sadness. But Sango's eyes held only a touch of the emotion he had seen in another's. He blinked back the vision of blue heavens that opened up to everything within him… everything he did not want to let go.

He let in a tired breath and released it in resignation. No, it didn't matter how she helped them, because she did it without even knowing. She did it with no more than a look and her presence. She opened up for them in her own way, hiding nothing, and they went to her because they knew she was safe. But to him, she was dangerous.

A mellow voice broke him quickly from his thoughts.

"She's an amazing girl, InuYasha." Miroku grinned slightly. "But I can understand why she frightens you."

InuYasha was taken back. "She doesn't scare me."

"No?" Miroku cast his humour filled eyes at the man. "Then what are you running from?"

InuYasha opened his mouth slightly before shutting it. "I'm not running from anything." He finally said contritely. "What makes you think I am?"

Miroku shrugged. "I've just never known you to make a habit of pushing a beautiful girl away."

"Keh." InuYasha grunted. "As if. Me not wanting to fuck her doesn't mean I'm scared of the girl. She just isn't my type."

"Oh please." Sango rolled her eyes.

"What?" InuYasha shifted uncomfortably against the wall. "She's not."

"InuYasha, even you can't be that stupid." Sango stood and moved to the bed.

"What the fuck are you getting on with?" He glared at her as she tucked herself into the blankets.

Miroku shook his head as he unconsciously wrapped an arm around his girlfriend to hold her against him as they spooned. He held a hint of an annoyed grin on a corner of his lips as he glanced over at InuYasha. "The question is what exactly are you getting on with? We all know what you really mean to be saying is that you feel you're out of her league." His grin turned into a wry smile. "And what we are trying to tell you is that Kagome is exactly what you need."

InuYasha felt his face flush hot in resentful embarrassment. He quickly choked on a forced laugh. "Keh, yeah. The last thing I need is her. There is no way she could handle me."

"She has so far." Miroku lifted a brow suggestively.

InuYasha shut his mouth and turned away. "You guys don't know what you're talking about."

Sango sighed as she nestled her head into her pillow and gazed at him on the floor. "We know that if you don't see what we see, then you're a moron. And if you don't make it a point to at least try to see her for what she really is, then you will be losing the best thing that could ever happen to you."

Golden eyes slowly looked up to study the woman in wary confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying that while you keep pushing her away, another is going to take her." Sango yawned carelessly.

"Who?!" InuYasha's eyes darkened defensively as he sat up.

Miroku chuckled. "Fuck sakes, InuYasha. Not everyone is as daft as you are. She's smart, funny, beautiful and kind. You can't honestly think others don't want her, or aren't trying to get with her."

"Keh." He eased back slightly against the wall and looked contrary as he crossed his arms in defiance. "Let them. It's not like she's anything to me."

"No?" Miroku yawned and shut his eyes. "So you can honestly say they deserve her? Think you can stand by as another gets to have it all?"

InuYasha ground his teeth but refused to answer. Of course no one was good enough for her, but it also meant that he wasn't. Still, could he honestly stand by as some pompous prep with less cock than he did balls take the fire and life out of her?

He lowered his head. He'd die inside if that happened. As much as he hated to admit it, the thought of anyone even looking at her sent sickening waves of hatred through his core. He'd be damned if anyone else got her and he'd fuck up anyone who tried.

But what could he ever offer to make him even worth a fraction of what she deserved?

"Kagome has seen nothing but your bad attitude, yet she has still stood by you."

InuYasha lifted his head to gaze wearily at Sango. Her eyes were closed and she looked like she was already asleep, but her lips parted to murmur her point home.

"Maybe it's about time she saw you for who you want to be."

InuYasha sat in silence before Miroku groaned.

"Turn off the light, Yash, and get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

The singer looked up to see his two friends drift off to sleep before he stood and turned off the light to their bedroom.

"Yash?" Sango stated sleepily behind him. "Take the couch tonight. It's too late to drive home."

Smirking, InuYasha stepped out into the dark warehouse. Lights from the overhead windows cast enough light for him to adjust his sight. Looking to the far wall across from him, he could see the new additions Sango bought last week. A small fridge and stove took up one corner, while two arm chairs and a sofa took up the other corner next to a large TV. He slowly headed over to the plush mahogany sofa and gazed down at a pillow and blanket folded neatly at one side. He could easily have headed home tonight, but for some reason, here felt like the better option.

Kicking off his shoes, he stripped his shirt and jeans off and flopped his tired body on the couch and got comfortable. Bunching the pillow up behind his head and kicking a bare leg out from the blanket, InuYasha looked up at the light of the dawn reflecting on the high, dark ceiling. His mind automatically sifted over the night's events and he grimaced over everything he had said and done to Kagome. But more specifically he felt sick of what he didn't do.

Kagome cried. But it wasn't the fact that she cried that bothered him. He'd seen countless women cry. Hell, he was most often than not the reason for their tears, but never once did they affect him. Not until now. And he felt helpless against it. Those tears were not his fault, yet he felt powerless against them. He felt… weak.

He shut his eyes hard and nuzzled his head deeper into the pillow as he tried to escape his thoughts but to no avail. All he could see behind his lids were brilliant blue eyes that held the weight of the world and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. He felt so pathetic hiding from her and just watched her as she mourned. He knew that memory would haunt him for the rest of his life.

After she left, he had driven by her home to make sure her car was in the driveway before he made his way to the warehouse. If anything, he needed to know she was safe. He needed her to be okay. He needed her….

Golden eyes opened a fraction as the realization of it all finally sunk in.

He needed her. He needed to see her smile, hear her laugh, smell her scent and feel her warmth, if only for a moment to know that she was real. Because no real woman could carry such pain and still live each day with as much grace and freedom as she did.

Even now his chest tightened at the sudden rush to call her or drive to the orphanage to make sure she was there, but he forced his body to sink further into the couch. What would be the reason to do such a thing? What the hell would he say to her? Especially after what he said to her tonight, how could he act like everything was normal?

He told her he could never be her friend. He just walked away as he always did when things got too hard. He'd been such an asshole to her. He fucked up with her time and time again. It was obvious that no matter what he did when it concerned Kagome, it was always the wrong thing. And yet, she was still there.

His eyes drifted up to the greying ceiling that was steadily growing brighter. Why did she still stay? He mentally shook his head. Why did she ever come to him in the first place? It would have been better had he never known her at all. But she was there, she was always there, and he fought so hard to push her away. He had finally come close to ridding himself of her perfect happiness, something that he craved and despised all at once. God, it would have been so much easier to let her go had he never known the truth about her.

He shut his eyes bitterly at all that he discovered tonight. Why did she have to be so real? How was it possible for her to have experienced more pain than any he had known yet she was still so far above him? How was it possible she faced such loss, yet was still so unmarked?

A soft breath left his chest as his body shuddered in exhausted defeat. How could he keep himself from her now? She was everything to him.

But what was he?

His mind began to drift in and out of coherent thought as he fought off sleep. He didn't even feel like he was himself anymore. He didn't feel like he was anyone….

His consciousness quickly slipped into darkness.

…Without her.

End Flashback

InuYasha reached down and turned the ignition off of his bike and clutched the keys hard into his hand before he swung his leg over his Harley and walked slowly in the direction of the park.

He deftly pocketed his keys as he shoved his hands hard into his jeans pockets, trying his damnedest to look natural. He cast his eyes around the wide park, taking in the numerous people and the sound of the band as they played.

He raised a brow slightly as he watched the kids play in the distance. They weren't that bad. If he actually gave a damn, he'd almost be impressed.

"Kagome!"

His eyes quickly shot in the direction of the sound of her name. Scanning quickly over the waning people before him, he could barely see that little fucker, Hojo, waving excitedly in the direction of the audience. Following the douche's gaze, his chest quaked at the raven-haired angel that smiled more brilliantly than the sun as she stepped from the crowd.

God, she was gorgeous. Her dark hair, penetrable blue eyes and pure aura just radiated perfection. She was sin itself. Evil in it's true definition. She was the source of his suffering, pain and destruction. She did things to him no righteous being would be allowed, for there was no way anything that could make a grown man want to commit murder be good. Especially when he saw the reason for his torment jump into the arms of another man.

InuYasha saw blinding red as Kagome hugged into a handsome man who dared to bury his nose in her hair. Blunt nails cut into his hands as he fought off a wave of nauseous fury. Could this be the man that Kouga was setting her up with? By the looks of things, she seemed happy about it.

He wheezed in a sharp breath, only then realizing he hasn't been breathing and his chest burned from the pressure. He twisted his eyes away from the ripping scene and was about to turn around before he heard her laugh.

"Jakotsu!"

Morbid curiosity pulled his eyes towards her and his body numbed in confusion. She was hugging another man now? And this one was holding her like they were a couple! His teeth clenched hard as the three men who surrounded her smiled and beamed in her presence as if all of this was normal. Just what the fuck was going on?

Miroku's words flashed inside his head and pounded his blood into a white-hot rage. How could he not know that others would want her? Of course he knew! But so many? He growled in fury. Fuck this! He was tired of fucking around. Who gave a shit if they wanted her? He'd be damned if he let them have her!

He stumbled forward in an attempt to reach her before any other men showed up before three teenage girls stopped him in his tracks.

"Oh my god!" One tall, slim girl breathed out in excitement. "Are you InuYasha?"

He looked down at her in confusion, not even recognizing his own name. He blinked a few times at the pretty young things in front of him before he nodded dumbly.

The girls giggled elatedly.

"Oh my god, you have to sign an autograph for me!" The slim girl squirmed closer to him while tugging on her friend to find her a pen.

InuYasha unconsciously looked up to find Kagome and his brows knitted together in confusion. Okay, now this was unexpected. The two men that had hugged her were now holding each other like…. His eyes opened in realization and he almost wanted to laugh in relief before a pen was shoved in his hand.

"Sign my chest?" The girl looked up at him slyly while she lifted the hem of her shirt to reveal a trim waist and a lacy pink bra.

InuYasha stumbled back inadvertently, or tried to anyways, but the other two girls had him flanked. He quickly looked around and saw he was trapped between all three.

Growling low in agitation at the situation he was thrown in, he knew he had to deal with this fast. The girls were making enough of a scene as it was and he didn't want any more attention than what he had already been given. Gripping the pen hard in annoyed resolution, he reached out and scribbled his signature on the slutty girl's side, though it looked more like chicken scratches than a name.

"There." He shoved the pen back at her before he tried to move out of their huddle to rush over to Kagome. Now knowing that those men were not his competition, he wanted to make sure that no one else would dare try for his prize.

"Sign me, too!" The shorter of the teens burst in front of him and lifted her shirt.

He held in a harsh scream of anger as he kept himself from tripping over her. Grabbing the pen from the first girl, he deftly marked on the second teenager's stomach, not even wincing as he accidentally scratched her with the tip.

Glaring fiercely over at the last girl, he held up the pen like a knife. "You too?"

Staring at him wide eyed, the youngest of the girls quickly shook her head and slowly backed away.

Nodding in praise, he thrust the pen in her hand and ducked out of their circle to head over to the men huddling around Kagome. His pace slowed, however, as he moved closer towards her. She looked upset. What was wrong? And why weren't those jerks she was surrounded by making it right? Couldn't they see she was in pain? What the hell happened?

Suddenly her eyes looked up and captured his own and silence seemed to sweep over the park as they stopped still and stared at each other.

Fear, shock and wavering spirit resonated from those deep pools of emotion. She looked like she was sinking in it and begging to be saved. He was at a loss of what to do before she turned and ran into the crowd.

Without even hesitating, he darted after her and thrusted himself into the mass of people as music from the band erupted around them.

InuYasha felt like he was drowning. The sea of people before him swayed and pushed him that he soon felt lost in the chaos. Looking around him, he just barely made out Kagome's form as she moved forward. He called out to her, but his voice was lost in the tidal wave of cheers. Gritting his teeth, he pounded his body after her, desperate to reach her.

Hold it together, birds of a feather

_Nothing but lies and crooked wings_

_I have the answer, spreading the cancer_

_You are the faith inside me_

_No, don't _

_Leave me to die here_

_Help me survive here_

_Alone, _

_Don't remember, _

_Remember_

Kagome glanced back, her fearful eyes sweeping over the crowd as she pressed forward. He reached out for her, but she did not see him as she disappeared before him.

_Put me to sleep, Evil Angel_

_Open your wings, Evil Angel_

InuYasha yelled out in pain as he was pushed to the ground. Slowly lifting his body up, he stumbled forward while clutching his side. Cringing, he looked up and caught sight of waves of soft black hair that flowed like shadowed wings as a warm wind blew around them. Her blue eyes turned to him, but it seemed she looked right through him as she once again disappeared. He delved deeper in the mass, trying his damnedest to find her. She was like a mirage, yet he would not deny himself the hope he'd get to her.

_I'm a believer_

_Nothing could be worse_

_All these imaginary friends_

_Hiding betrayal_

_Driving the nail_

_Hoping to find a saviour_

_No, don't _

Leave me to die here

_Help me survive here _

_Alone, don't _

_Surrender_

_Surrender_

No matter how far in he went, he could not see her. He thought he lost her and he felt the panic begin to rise. He stood still and slowly shut his eyes as he fought the wave of defeat that threatened to consume him. Reluctantly, he opened them again and his lips automatically separated as cerulean depths captured him. She was so close he could breathe in her sweet scent on the air. She was looking at him with a glint of sorrow yet she did not deny him, instead she turned as if beckoning him forward. His mouth parted to call her name, but the crowd once again swept her away. Gathering his last ounce of strength, he charged through the horde.

Put me to sleep, Evil Angel

_Open your wings, Evil Angel_

_Oh_

_Fly over me, Evil Angel_

_Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel?_

He felt like he was fighting for air as his body got knocked every which way, but she was always within his sight now, never leaving him behind. He grimaced in pain as he was elbowed in the side by mistake before looking up at Kagome with mild envy. She seemed to walk through the multitude with no effort while he felt like invisible hands were pulling him back.

Suddenly, the crowd broke away and he found himself standing there before her. She was facing him with her back to the stage and her eyes drifted up to look directly into his. He found himself silenced by the humble sadness that echoed in their depths. Without a word, she lifted her eyes up to the stage.

He slowly followed her gaze and his body flooded with heavy ice as he felt the world crash down upon him.

Put me to sleep, Evil Angel

His mouth parted in shock as dark cinnamon eyes glanced down at him in curiosity.

Open your wings, Evil Angel

InuYasha stepped back as his gaze shot to the woman before him.

_Oh_

Fly over me, Evil Angel

Her fathomless eyes told him everything as she watched over him in quiet expectation. In numbed denial, InuYasha lifted his eyes back up at the teenager on stage.

_Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel_?

It was impossible. He was dead! There was no way in hell he was alive! It couldn't be….

"Kohaku!"

With wide eyes, InuYasha turned to the voice beside him and felt his senses shut down.

Sango stared up at the stage in terrified shock as the last beat of the song ended.

A/N: Oh thank goodness! Another chapter done! Wipes face wearily. The song is called Evil Angel, by Breaking Benjamin. I want to thank Wear Your Love Like Heaven for suggesting that song. It's been my saving grace for this portion of the story. You are a godsend, girl! She also wrote a one shot based on DWU and I think it's worth a read. .

Once again I really need to thank my Beta. Missy, you are the best beta a girl could have and I owe a lot to you.

I guess a small explanation of why I haven't updated in awhile. Well, the truth is that I decided I needed a break. Being at the office or lab all day then home until 2am working on the story became a bit much, especially since I was dealing with emotions and situations I had to relive before writing it down. It was a mental and spiritual drain that made it a physical drain. So I really spent the last month playing video games and working out and not letting me think at all. I was able to regroup myself and lost 5lb to boot! So here's hoping my little break didn't hinder the story and don't worry, I will finish this story. I want to see it through to the end namely because I need to feel an ending.

Well, it's late and it's about time I posted this sucker. Enjoy! And as always, live, love and laugh!

WDW


	23. Fission

In a numbed state, InuYasha pulled his eyes away from the woman beside him to the one standing before him. He searched Kagome for any sort of reason for what was going on but her gaze was steady on Sango's shaking form and it sent a wave of anxiety to his stomach.

It was not her stance that bothered him; it was the expression on her face that threw him further into the dark. She held no confusion or harboured any ill will over this situation. She looked as if this was expected and it almost seemed like she was waiting for something to happen. But at the same time, she looked… troubled.

"Kagome?"

All eyes automatically turned up to the teenager on stage that was looking down at Kagome with curious confusion.

Kagome let a soft smile grace her lips. "It's okay, Ku. Do you mind coming down here for a bit?"

Kohaku's brows furrowed a bit before he looked back at the band. "But…?"

"Don't worry, we're almost due for another break here anyways and this can't wait." Kagome turned to the dark haired girl behind him. "Souten, do you mind if you and Kanna take over the last two songs?"

InuYasha inadvertently glanced to the girls on the stage and felt a cold chill sweep down his spine. The girl, Souten, was looking at him with fearful recognition on her face. A frigid wave of shock jolted his system as he realized who that was. Hiten's sister. The one he took out of the gang's reserves and brought to the city, hoping social services would take her in. What the fuck was she doing here?

"Souten? Is everything all right?"

The teenager quickly swept her eyes to Kagome's concerned face and hesitantly let out a quick nod. Giving one last glance to InuYasha, Souten swiftly turned to head to the back of the stage to talk to the other children.

Breathing hard, InuYasha's wide amber eyes flashed to the woman before him. He was about to demand an explanation but his words died in his throat. What the hell was he supposed to ask? 'How the hell are people that were supposed to be dead or forgotten now here alive with you?' He blinked slowly as he gazed at the beauty before him. What else did she know about him?

Her vivid blue eyes turned to meet his for a brief moment before she looked back up. Her gaze never faltered as she smiled softly up at the tall boy on stage before he hopped down beside her.

"What's up?" Kohaku cast his eyes around the small group before him in interest.

"Ko…haku?" Sango took a step towards him but stopped when the boy took a quick step back closer to Kagome.

"Uh… do I know you?" Kohaku frowned at the weird look on her face.

Two stunned faces fell in confused shock before a soft voice lilted over to them.

"We should move out of here. The music will be starting soon." Kagome tugged on Kohaku's fingers and he automatically followed her along the edge of the crowd to reach the area behind the stage and away from the speakers and audience.

Kagome turned and waited for Sango and InuYasha to follow and wasn't surprised to see Miroku, Ayame and Kouga come huffing in behind them.

"Sango?" Miroku moved quickly to her side and searched her pale face intently. Lifting his eyes up, he quickly scanned the teenager in front of him before shooting a questioning glance at Kagome.

"Kagome?" Ayame breathed, innately voicing the question that was on everyone's minds.

With a hint of a gentle smile, Kagome looked up at Kohaku then over to her band.

"Kohaku, this is Sango, Miroku and InuYasha. Kouga you already know."

InuYasha flashed a glare over at Kouga, but the guitarist's face remained inquisitive and he shrugged at the singer. Frowning, InuYasha turned his questioning eyes on Ayame, but she looked just as confused as anyone. They both seemed to be in the dark about Kohaku's tie with Sango and were searching for answers like the rest of them. Only Kagome acted like the one in the know, but it wasn't only she he wanted answers from.

InuYasha turned back to the scene as an uneasy feeling twisted in his stomach. Why did Kohaku act like he didn't know anything?

"Nice to meet you all." Kohaku smiled and nodded to each of them. "Kags told me all about you." He looked over at InuYasha and let out a bright smile. "I'm a huge fan of yours, actually."

InuYasha and Sango looked at the kid as if he had two heads and remained speechless.

"Um… okay." Kohaku's smile faded and he looked at Kagome in confusion. "What's going on?"

Kagome sighed and looked down for a few moments before looking up at Sango with trepidation. "Kohaku is one of the orphans at Shikon House. He came here four years ago with no memory of his past."

Kohaku frowned uncomfortably at the admission of his amnesia as Sango and InuYasha continued to stare at him in, but this time in disbelief. He looked over at Kagome. "Kagome, why did you…?"

"Is… is this true?" The brown haired woman breathed as if in pain, cutting off his train of speech.

Kohaku turned his head and eyed Sango warily for a few seconds before dipping his head in a light nod. "Yeah."

The woman's shoulders seemed to slump and she leaned heavily against the man beside her.

"Sango?" Miroku held her closely to him. "What's wrong?"

"He… doesn't remember." She whispered, her eyes flicking up to the boy as if trying to make sense of it all. "He doesn't remember any of it."

"Remember any of what?" Kohaku's brows furrowed deeper.

Three pairs of eyes looked at him in either sadness or discomfort.

"Stop looking at me like that!" Kohaku glared at Sango, Miroku and InuYasha in turn. "Stop talking like I'm stupid! Now what's going on?"

Kagome lightly touched his arm and Kohaku automatically flinched. He flashed his angry eyes down at her but calmed slightly when she gave him an understanding nod.

"It's okay, Ku. Sango's a bit surprised, that's all." She gave him a weak smile. "She once knew you."

"What?" The boy swept his gaze over at the woman with wide earthy eyes.

Sango slowly pulled away from Miroku and stepped in front of the boy who instinctively moved closer to Kagome. Sango looked sadly up at him for several moments, not knowing what to say or do, before dropping her gaze to the ground in hopelessness. Kohaku didn't know her. He didn't remember anything that happened. She wasn't sure to be heartbroken or relieved. At this moment, she wasn't even sure if this was a cruel joke or a horrible dream.

Kohaku eyed the woman in uneasiness before glancing down at Kagome, giving her a slight shake of his head to tell her he didn't know what to do.

Giving him a reassuring smile, Kagome moved silently in front of Sango, flicking her soft eyes at InuYasha before letting them rest on the woman once more. She calmly let out a smooth breath.

"Four years ago, Kohaku was brought to the Shikon House. He had no memory of what happened to him or who he was. All we had was a name sewn onto his jacket - Kohaku. So that's what we called him." She looked over her shoulder at the teenager. "He was found in the dockyard of Tokyo. His head was wounded and he was very sick. He spent a few weeks in the hospital to recover before he was released into social services. Having no memory of who he was or where he came from, it was decided to place him in our care until we could find out about his past, or if he should one day remember."

Her eyes lowered to the ground as her mind travelled back to that memory. "For years we tried to find out about his family and what had happened to him, but we couldn't go far with only a first name."

Turning back to Sango in resignation, Kagome sighed. "It was after the war and so many children were dead or missing. There was no way to find out unless we had more information to go on and there was no information on a Kohaku. So he remained with us," she smiled softly as her gaze drifted to the ground, "and he became apart of our family."

Kohaku fidgeted restlessly behind Kagome while flicking his eyes warily at the people around him. His heart thundered in his chest as he settled his gaze on the brown-eyed woman before him. She was looking as anxious as he was and her eyes hardly wavered from his form, making him feel hopeful anticipation rise up from the depths of his subconscious. He quickly shifted his attention back to Kagome as she spoke in attempt to avoid the odd emotions welling up inside him.

"He's overcome so much in his life while being with us." Kagome looked around the small gathering of people. "In that time he's brought a band together and finished school. He's helped many people in need and lived his life with people who love him more than anything, but…" her eyes stopped on Sango, "though he is apart of our family, he doesn't know his real family."

Kagome stepped forward and Sango automatically faltered back from her quickly, giving her an accusing glare. Shaking her head softly, Kagome captured brown eyes into her understanding blue.

"Three days ago, you told me about a brother you loved and you vowed your life to keep him safe. But bad things happened and you lost him." Azure eyes filled with painful emotions and memories. "You nearly lost yourself trying to find him and if it wasn't for an amazing man…." heavenly orbs moved to capture sun filled eyes, "both you and this boy would have died."

InuYasha felt a cold flush tear at his face at the acknowledgment of his actions. Kagome knew what he did. But how much did she know? Not enough to know how much this was destroying him. Fuck, this boy was supposed to be dead! He was supposed to be a jaded memory! One he had tried so fucking hard to forget. And now here he stood, a thread to his past. One pull from this boy and his world would unravel. How long would it take before everything he tried so hard to fight will come to light? Kohaku wasn't the only one who had a past he couldn't live with. The boy was just lucky enough to forget… but for how long?

Amber eyes flickered between fear and fury at the woman who tore him open with no more than a breath. Quickly InuYasha tore his gaze away from her gentle aura and stared bitterly at the ground.

Without judgement, Kagome sadly lowered her eyes from him before she looked at Sango once more. She let out a soft sigh and smiled. "But you didn't die. And neither did he." She reached into her pocket and slowly brought forth an envelope. "He… just got a little lost."

Sango looked dumbly down at the envelope for several seconds before she slowly reached for it.

"I was given this only a few minutes ago, telling me who your brother was. And now, we all know. Except him." Kagome hesitantly turned to Kohaku and her eyes shimmered in apprehensive happiness. A warm smile touched her lips, though it looked sad. "I prayed… every night that you would someday find your family."

Kohaku's mouth dropped slightly as a stunned silence filled the air. His gaze slowly lifted up to capture eyes that were identical to his own.

Kagome lightly touched his arm and he instinctively moved a few steps forward to stand in front of the cinnamon-eyed woman before him. He studied her for several moments before his nutmeg eyes lightened slightly.

"I think… I've seen you before." He flushed somewhat and ineptly reached into his back pocket. "It's not a very good likeness, you see… I can't draw for the life of me." He smiled awkwardly as he handed her a piece of paper that had seen better days.

Sango slowly reached out and took the folded sheet from his outstretched hand. Looking up at him tentatively, she carefully opened the paper and quickly bit her lower lip as tears assaulted her eyes.

It was she when she was his age - an age that felt like a lifetime ago when she remembered what it was like to be truly happy. The faded image of a girl smiled up at her with eyes that seemed to be alight with a hidden fire – a fire that had died four years ago. Though it was old and tattered, she knew with all her heart that it was she. Yet what hit close to home was that somehow, deep down, he remembered her.

Gasping on a harsh cry, Sango launched into his arms and hugged him hard.

In stunned confusion, Kohaku reflexively wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. It felt different than what he imagined it would be. But then again, every time he envisioned holding the woman in his dreams, he was the smaller one.

His head lowered onto her shoulder as he breathed in her hair. Sakura blossoms. He knew that smell. He knew it so well it felt like it was coming from his very bones.

"I promised to always protect you." Sango sobbed into his chest. "I'm so sorry I lost you. I'll never leave you again."

Those words triggered something deep within him, tearing away shreds of darkness to bring forth familiar feelings that were long buried: fear, love, comfort and pain. His arms tightened around the woman so hard that they couldn't breathe and he shut his eyes from everything but the feeling of it all.

"I know you." He whispered as tears leaked from his tightly closed eyes. "I've always known you. You never left me."

Sango dug her nails into his back as she clung to him hard, crying out tears of happiness and sorrow over everything that had happened. "I love you, Kohaku. I love you so much!"

Kohaku never said a word. Instead, he let his tears fall and began to rasp on deep sobs. He remembered her. He remembered the sound of her voice, the smell of her hair and the feel of her body. Though there was so much he could not place, she felt complete and definite in his arms. And he never felt so close to himself in what felt like forever. He had not only been given his sister back, but a large piece of himself, and he was overwhelmed.

Kagome bowed her head to Ayame, signalling that everything was all right before she turned from the private scene to head to the opening of the stage. They all needed time alone now and she had to let the children know that Kohaku would not be returning for the last set. Regardless of what was going on behind the stage still so much needed to be done. There was no time to rest… no time to mourn… no time to share their joy.

Once away from the sight of her band, Kagome leaned heavily against the side of the stage and lifted a hand to cover the tears that threatened to fall from her pained eyes. And yet she couldn't tell what emotion she needed to shed, for she felt so many right now that she felt ready to collapse from the exhausting effect of them all.

She felt tired – so very tired.

Kagome lifted her moist eyes up to scan the baby blue heavens above and sighed. At least this task was over. Now the people she loved could begin to heal.

Without warning, her arm was suddenly wrenched to the side and a harsh voice hissed furiously in her ear. "You and I need to talk."

Kagome let out a slight gasp as a very enraged InuYasha tugged her hard into the clueless crowd. She stumbled violently over a few people's feet and tried to apologize profusely before she was enveloped closely to his side. He shouldered his way forcefully through the horde of people but kept her body from the force while making sure she kept pace with him. As soon as they reached the end of the mass, he let her go roughly only to grab her hand and tug her towards the parking lot.

Seeing the direction she was going her senses finally caught up with her and she dug her sneakers into the soil. "InuYasha! Stop! Let go! What're you doing?"

He sighed hard and turned around to face her. If she thought he was finally seeing reason she was sorely mistaken as she was quickly hoisted over his shoulder and held tightly as he thundered towards his bike.

Kagome grasped hard into his shirt for leverage but barely had time to gain her equilibrium before she was flipped off his shoulder to land firm on the leather seat of his motorcycle.

Struggling to find her composure, she barely found her seat when a dark shadow quickly blocked the sun from her view.

"Sit there and don't move!" InuYasha barked.

Kagome blinked up at his tall form. She tilted her head slightly and frowned as she watched him rake his hands into his hair furiously. His eyes were shut as if struggling to fight his temper and it was obvious he was trying to grasp coherent thought.

Closing her own eyes in weariness, Kagome lowered her head and waited while pressing her fingers into the hot leather seat beneath her that felt ready to burn her flesh.

After what felt like an eternity she could sense that his hands fell furiously to his side. His breath seemed to halt several times as if struggling on what to say before his voice broke like a frigid wave over her head. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Kagome kept her head down and did not reply.

InuYasha clenched his fists as he struggled to speak through his anger. "How long… did you know?"

"Today." Her voice softly replied.

"Bullshit! You had to have known longer to set this up." He growled.

Kagome shook her head. "On Thursday Sango told me about her brother and what had happened. I had suspicions then."

InuYasha inhaled hard. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"She said he was dead." Blue eyes opened for him to see her truth. "I couldn't open wounds over a hope. I had to find out for sure before I said anything."

InuYasha glared at her before a dawning realization hit him. "That night… in the lobby… you were calling to find out more information about him, weren't you?"

She nodded her head in resolve and looked down. "I wanted her Kohaku to be the one we took in. I now had a last name to go by to know for sure." She lifted her gaze to the crowd in the distance as they cheered for Guardian. "It wouldn't have helped had I confided in anyone if he wasn't the one. I would've made false hope." She looked up at him with dark sad eyes. "I couldn't be the one to give you pain by bringing up the past."

Golden eyes flashed in fury. "And you think this little discovery today wasn't painful?"

Kagome blinked slowly and let her eyes drift to his chest. "I didn't know you would be here."

"What?"

Kagome sighed. "You said you weren't going to come. When Bank gave me the papers, I saw that Kohaku was the one and the same. I was prepared for Sango then." She lifted her gaze to meet his. "But I didn't expect to see you there."

InuYasha felt as if a cold shock slapped him across the face. "I was the reason you ran?" The question was more to his self.

"I had to get to Kohaku. I didn't know how you would react to seeing him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" He clenched a fist hard.

Kagome stood up gently and looked up at him before letting her eyes fall to his fist. "He was supposed to be dead. Would you have believed me had I just told you? Especially since you didn't know Sango told me."

InuYasha stood up straight in surprise and his hand fell to his side as a numbed sensation took over. He was at a loss what to say or feel.

"You wouldn't have wanted to see him." Cerulean eyes captured his fire filled orbs. "You wouldn't have wanted to remember."

"Remember?" He asked mutely.

"The cost of your freedom." Her eyes drifted down sadly.

The emptiness inside him flooded with hot-rimmed anger and unbridled terror at how close that was to the truth. A dark laugh broke from his lips and he had to turn away from the sight of her. "You think you know me? You think you were doing me favour by shoving him in front of me? Do you think that was what I fucking needed?!"

Kagome frowned and turned to look towards the stage. "I didn't know how it would happen. But I knew it had to be done."

Fury lodged in this throat. "You fucking bitch."

Kagome flinched and shut her eyes before turning hurt filled orbs upon him.

"Do you think you know what's good for me? Do you think by presenting this dumb kid our lives will be better? Fuck!" His body shook as terrified rage enveloped him.

Kagome felt daggers pierce her heart as he turned molten pools of torment upon her.

"You think bringing him back into my life will make it all better? He's only one thing out of many that ruined my life! You can never understand that!"

Kagome's dew stained eyes searched his face in confusion and pain.

InuYasha turned his face away from her in bitterness, unable to hide the hurt in his eyes as his low voice burned her. "You have no idea what I've been through. You can never save my life because you remind me of everything that ruined it."

Kagome reached for him shakily. "Inu…."

He smacked her hand away. "Don't!" His eyes burned her to the core. "Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't even fucking say my name!" He stormed over to his bike and straddled it hard while he gunned the engine. "Don't even act like you give a shit because from this day on I want nothing to do with you! Stay the fuck away from me, my band and my life!"

He burned gravel as he tore out from the parking lot, leaving dust to gather on tears that finally were given true emotion to fall for. A broken heart.

-+-

InuYasha blinked wearily down at the near empty bag in his hand. Wasn't it full a minute ago? He leaned his back heavily against the foot of his couch and pondered the situation. Closing one eye he lifted the bag between two fingers and let it swing back and forth, shaking the remaining pills against each other.

With an open red-blotched eye, he followed the movement of the small bag, taking in the colours and sweeps left behind. It was like the bag was messing up the air around it like turpentine against a fresh painting. He lifted his other hand and waved his fingers through the haze and frowned when the smeared air coated his fingers. Frowning, he numbly wiped his fingers on his jeans, but the coated air just stained the denim and mixed with the blue of his jeans. Great, now another pair was ruined.

Opening his other eye, he looked accusingly at the bag in his hand and tossed it on the coffee table in front of him. The surface of the oak table rippled like a shallow brown pool of murky water and InuYasha grimaced in disgust. Now his bag of drugs will be filled with dirty water but it was better off than leaving the bag covered with freshly painted air.

He quickly shook his head. No, this wasn't right was it? He blinked and looked at the table again. It was solid once more and the bag rested untainted on its surface. What the hell was going on? This was definitely not the high he was expecting. He felt fucked all over. Nothing made sense and he couldn't piece a damn together.

He shut his eyes and leaned his head against the seat cushion behind him. He groaned. His apartment was chaotic with sounds and colours and it was making him tired and slightly ill. Why won't they all just go away? He didn't want to have them over. He was pretty sure he didn't know them but they made a party anyways. Didn't they know he wanted to be left alone?

Sighing in exhaustion, he lifted his heavy head and slumped to the side to get on all fours. Slowly he crawled over to the far wall, away from the sights and sounds, and rested his back against the cold surface. His head was swirling and he knew that this wasn't normal. Ducking his head onto his arms, he rested his cold sweat stained forehead on his knees. It felt like large koi fish were swimming circles in his head.

Koi fish…. Koi…. Kagome….

He wished she were here. She would know what to do. She would kick everyone out of his apartment and kiss his forehead like the last time and make everything better.

Where was she? She should have been here by now.

InuYasha rubbed his forehead hard against his knees. Maybe she forgot about him.

A knock on the door echoed through his head and he lifted his eyes to gaze in the direction of the new sound.

He looked around his apartment warily but it didn't look like anyone else was going to answer it. Growling in annoyance he crawled his body over, trying hard to stay level since the ground kept circling beneath him. After a long effort he finally wobbled to the door. Grasping the edge for leverage he pulled himself up on the knob and rested against the frame. He waved his hand haphazardly around the apartment, signalling everyone to shut up before he opened the door.

His unfocussed eyes squinted blearily out into the hallway as a slender form of a woman walked into his view.

"Hello, InuYasha."

He shifted his eyes up towards her face and frowned at the fact he couldn't take in her features. "Hello…."

"Aren't you going to let me in?" Her velvet voice tickled in mirth and he didn't trust her happiness.

"No."

"Why not?" He could hear her pout.

"It's loud." His brow furrowed in concentration. "You'll only add to the noise and I'm going to bed."

"Oh?" Her soft form moved past him into the apartment. "Well no wonder it's so loud. You have the T.V. up on bust."

As soon as she said that the apartment fell silent and the colour ceased. He blinked in confusion. Where did the party go? Oh well, it didn't matter, they were gone and he could finally get some sleep. He stumbled heavily towards his bedroom.

"Where're you going?" The woman asked.

"Bed." He grunted.

"Without me?" She purred.

"I don't know you." He flinched as he knocked his shin against the end table by the couch.

She laughed. "When did that matter to you?"

InuYasha didn't answer as he flopped down on his couch and rubbed his leg. To be honest it always bothered him. Women just came to him and he accepted it because it was all he knew. But it always felt… hollow. Though he loved a good fuck he never had a great orgasm. It got to a point where he did it to just get off. But lately there was no feeling in it at all and he couldn't find pleasure from it anymore. He had nothing in him to give and nothing from them he wanted to take.

"Wouldn't you like a good fuck right now?" The woman sauntered over to stand in front of him.

"I want…." He shut his eyes tiredly.

"Yes?"

"Something more." He whispered as his eyes opened to stare at her feet. They seemed clearer now and he slowly lifted his eyes up towards her face. He felt sick at what he saw. "Do I know you?"

Her dark eyes watched him coldly as a malicious grin passed over her lips. "You mean you don't recognize the one you love?"

He blinked back in confusion. At first he thought he saw Kikyo but her words threw him off. Blinking again, he looked up at her. "Kagome?"

Thin lips trembled as Kikyo's teeth clenched hard. He had made a fool out of her the last time they met and she wanted revenge. She knew he wouldn't be stupid enough to OD on those pills she laced, but it wouldn't do her any justice if he just passed it off as a bad hit. She needed him to suffer.

Kikyo smirked. Well, now she had a better way to get back at him. "Yes."

InuYasha closed his eyes before he slowly looked back up at her. Black eyes turned blue and lank black hair turned into waves of ebony silk before him. His shoulders automatically relaxed as the woman he hated transformed into the one he needed.

"I didn't think you were going to come." He murmured.

"Were you expecting me?" Kikyo frowned. It wouldn't do if that little bitch showed up now.

InuYasha slowly shook his head and looked down. "You're just there when I need you."

She scowled in disgust and rolled her eyes. It was hard to keep back her revulsion as she tried to act the part of the other woman. "You know I'd never leave you."

His lips curved slightly before they fell into a frown. "I thought you might've been mad at me."

"Mad?" Kikyo slowly looked over the empty apartment in distain. What a sty! Didn't the asshole ever clean up this dump? "Why would I be mad at you?"

"I yelled at you." He grimaced at the memory. "I always yell at you. But I never tell you what I mean to say."

"Oh?" Kikyo sighed indifferently as her eyes fell to the coffee table.

InuYasha shook his head. "I never meant any of those things. I just didn't want you to know that I've fallen in…."

"Fuck, Inu-baby!" Kikyo laughed and held up the bag. "How many of these did you take?"

Dark golden eyes shot up in offended shock. That didn't sound like Kagome at all. He didn't think she would sound so amused about him popping pills, let alone swear. Man, there really was a lot about her he didn't know. He wasn't sure that he liked it.

He winced as a sharp pain wracked his brain. Shaking his head, the pain subsided as a loud buzzing erupted in its place. Man, he needed to lie down and sleep this shit off. He stood shakily and moved unsteadily to his bedroom while rubbing his forehead.

"Aww, what's the matter, puppy?" Her sickly sweet voice tripled the buzzing in his head.

"Nothing." InuYasha stumbled into his room and collapsed onto his bed. He wanted nothing more right now than to fall asleep. Shutting his eyes, he whimpered into his pillow and begged his unconsciousness to take over.

A strange noise snapped his attention back to his room and he lay there motionless, willing whatever it was to go away. Silence permeated the apartment for several minutes and he cracked one eye open before closing it again. What a fucked up dream he just had. Kagome was acting just like Kikyo. The thought turned his stomach enough that he needed to turn onto his back to relieve the churning it created.

As soon as he did, he gasped in discomfort as a naked body fell onto his form. Blinking his eyes open, he glowered down at twin black pools of eyes he knew that he hated. He growled low. "Get the fuck off me."

Kikyo pouted. "Now you're just being mean again, Inu." She swiped her thumb across his chapped lips. "Don't you want me to forgive you for all you did to me?"

InuYasha blinked and her black eyes once again pooled into azure blue. What the hell…? He opened and closed his eyes, trying to make the image clearer.

Kagome's face came and went from his view and his hands went up to caress her smooth nude back to keep the image steady. Her lovely eyes looked at him in concern and love and his body seemed to ease. He sighed in apprehension. "You'll… forgive me, Kagome?"

Kikyo held back the bile that burned in her throat before she nodded. "Yeah." She swallowed. "Just give me what I want and all is forgiven."

His eyes automatically shut and he relaxed against the red comforter beneath him. He lay like that for several moments and Kikyo was afraid he had fallen asleep. "InuYasha?"

His golden eyes opened to gaze down at her, as if seeing her for the first time. "What… do you want me to do?"

Kikyo grinned and leaned her slim form up his body, pressing her heat hard against his growing arousal. She licked the shell of his ear before whispering hard into it, making his eardrum ring. "Fuck me."

"What?" He rasped as he tried to see her more clearly.

Kikyo giggled. This was going to be fun. "I've never been touched by a man before. And I want to be fucked." She lifted her body up to look down at him and smiled when his eyes drifted to gaze at her breasts. "Don't you want to take my virginity?"

Groaning hard at the idea, InuYasha rolled their bodies over so that he was lying on top of her. Gazing hungrily over her exposed skin, he could feel his body tighten from a long pent up need. He dreamt of this moment more times than he could count and now here she was, practically begging him for it. He shut his eyes as his desires took over. Kagome was naked and underneath him. God, what more could he want? All he needed was to hear her say those three simple words that he had never been graced with.

"InuYasha?" Kikyo smiled as she rolled her hips up against him, making him grunt in need. "Please fuck me."

He grimaced in misery over her phrase before he growled low in defeated submission and deftly delved his tongue into her mouth as he kissed her hard. A wrathful pounding wracked his head like frenzied beatings of a drum and his body thrummed in time with each heated pulse that coursed through his body, making him flush hot with each painful throb.

He trembled furiously as chaotic sensors fought within him. This didn't feel right. Something was wrong. It was Kagome, he could see her, but everything else about her felt wrong.

Her skin was smooth, but she felt too thin. Her hair was long, but it didn't feel soft or smell sweet. And her mouth tasted sour like liquid smoke. He tore his lips away and looked down at her in confusion.

"Ka…gome?" Flashes of black flicked within her blue eyes and he shut his own as a sharp pain struck his head like lightening.

_Something has to change_

_Undeniable dilemma_

_Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear_.

"Shh." Kikyo hushed while she reached down and rubbed his burning need through his jeans, making him hiss in painful pleasure.

_Constant over stimulation numbs me_

_But I would not want you any other way_.

Rolling his eyes to the back of his head, InuYasha let her touch him to a point of distraction and unconsciously thrusted against her hands to relieve the ache that his body was succumbing to. Moaning in need, he let his lips fall upon hers and dealt with the taste as he kissed her.

_Just not enough_

_I need more_

_Nothing seems to satisfy_

_I said, I don't want it_

_I just need it_

_To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive_.

He raked his hands hard down her sides, delighting at least in the gasp she let out from between their lips. He grinded hard against her core, feeling her slippery heat slick heavily against the folds of his jeans. Grasping her bony hips hard, he thrusted up fiercely against her, making her cry out in painful pleasure.

_Finger deep within the borderline_

Show me that you love me and that we belong together

_Relax, turn around and take my_….

He didn't know how he ended up naked against her, but he didn't care. Her hot hands burned against his equally hot flesh. It felt tight, it felt tormenting and it felt like hell. But it was with Kagome and he couldn't deny himself the pleasure.

Her flesh tasted bitter against his tongue, not at all salty sweet as he imagined. Their past kisses must have created a false illusion for him. Every time he pictured this moment with her it was slow, sweet and soft. It was perfect.

Yet this felt too rushed and she tasted too powerful. She moved against him like a snake, aching to be touched and handled all over and he wanted to give her what she wanted. But it felt off. How was it possible that she was a virgin and yet moved like a whore?

Her arms slithered around him, making his flesh burn even hotter with her touch. Sweat beaded up through his skin and his throat clenched as if being suffocated. He coughed against her neck and his body screamed for water, but he was trapped within her arms. He would not leave her even if his life depended on it.

He lapped her skin as if her sweat would quench his gagging thirst, but the salt from her flesh made his throat burn dry and made his thirst all the more powerful. He moaned in agony and tried to stop, but her hand guided his head down to take in a small breast.

He felt as weak as a kitten as he tried to fight her off. But the effects of the drugs were making him dizzy. He quickly gave up resisting and complied to her demands. He lapped his dry tongue along her slick breast before sucking up a wide tight nipple into his mouth. Though his very being told him to stop, her screams of pleasure made him continue. He would give her what she wanted. But it felt wrong. It felt so very wrong.

Reluctantly, he lifted his mouth and looked around his hazy room as if waking up from a dream.

"Something's not right…." He murmured to himself.

"Then let me make it right." Her hot body pushed him over to his back so she could straddle him. Grinning with wicked delight, Kikyo raked her form lower to her destination.

_I can help you change tired moments into pleasure_

_Say the word and we'll be on our way_

_Blend and balance pain and comfort deep within you_

'_til you will not want me any other way_

He clenched his teeth hard as her hot mouth latched onto his dulling member. He hoped to God that she didn't notice he wasn't fully hard, but she barely seemed to care as she nipped and bit at the tender flesh, causing bitter scrapes and cuts to form. Fuck, it felt like she had fangs! Just as he could no longer take anymore, she then sucked him up hard, so hard that sharp pin pricks of pain shot through him. God, this was unbearable!

She moaned heavily in pleasure and all he could do was pant in an effort to fight the pain. Fuck, this was worse than anything he experienced!

A strangled gasp left his lips as her hot saliva poured down his cock to his balls, scorching everything it touched. Fuck, he was burning up! He needed to get out! But….

_But it's not enough_

_I need more_

_Nothing seems to satisfy_

_I said, I don't want it_

_I just need it_

_To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive_.

The room felt like it was on fire. Everything felt too hot to the touch. His stomach clenched in discomfort, wanting nothing more than to push her body off of him so he could breathe.

Her hand clenched hard around his tender sac and squeezed. He winced and tried to pull away, but her sharp teeth gripped hard onto his sensitive tip and held him fast.

_Knuckle deep inside the borderline_

_This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to_

_Relax. Slip away_.

Her dark laughter felt like smoke to his senses. It burned him inside and out, making it hard for him to take in even breaths.

"Ka… Kagome?" He rasped, trying to pull her away from his stinging cock.

"Aww. What's the matter, Inu?" Kikyo swirled a hot tongue around his tip. "Did I hurt you?"

He nodded his head slightly and tried to ease back down. "It's okay…."

A black brow rose over an equally black eye. "Is it?" She let a small smirk settle on her lips. "Enough pain to make up for all that you'd given me?"

InuYasha whimpered at the accusation and reluctantly shook his head.

"Then take it and love it." She rasped and delved his large cock as far into her mouth as she could get, tasting the bitter scrapes and scratches her teeth had created.

He hissed as her smoke lined tongue flicked up and down each abrasion. It felt like tiny paper cuts lined his cock and her mouth was like acid against them, sending sharp stings up his entire body. His hands dug deep into his sweat stained sheets as he took each bob and suck she delved, arching his back off the bed to escape the pain. He felt like he was slowing going insane and he wanted to cry out for it to stop.

"You want me to stop?" She purred. "Do you want me to fuck you now?"

He nodded heavily. Anything to finally end it.

She lifted her lithe body to crawl slowly up his form and looked down at him with sadistic eyes. "Then here it is." She rocked back and forth against his semi hard cock, coating it with thick juices. She moaned in anticipation and smiled at each gasp he let go.

_Feel it_

Feel it

_Feel it_

_Feel it_

Her pussy juices felt like venom on his stinging member and the build up of pain was growing to a point where tears were leaking out his eyes. His mouth opened as he struggled to hold in his torment before she delved her loose cunt down over his member, ripping loose a growling roar from his lips.

His hands shot out to stop her from moving, but her hips bucked and grinded hard in a psychedelic rhythm, reopening the cuts on him to bleed in more salt from her body. Her hair swayed like the river Styx and her groans echoed in and out of his consciousness.

His fingers dug deep into her flesh, but she only moved harder and heavier. The pain was torture, but his mind was screaming something else.

This is wrong! She isn't real!

He shook his head, trying to clear the haze away, but it was no use. His body was betraying any sense from him. This was his punishment and his desire. Didn't he want this?

_Something kinda sad about_

_The way that things have come to be_

_Desensitized to everything_

_What's become of subtlety_?

She suddenly stopped and he opened his eyes to look at her form. His head felt like cobwebs, but the sight of the woman he wanted blinded him from anything. Even the feelings he wanted to feel.

How can it mean anything to me?

_If I really don't feel a thing at all?_

But he didn't feel a damn thing, he realized then, and that was what was wrong the most. But by hell he had to try! He had to feel something!

Pulling her body down on top of him, he spun them over and began to pound her back into the bed with agonizing thrusts. His body trembled as he choked on a dry sob. Why couldn't he feel anything? Where was the familiar pain he embraced from her? Where was the agonizing pleasure he felt with only one look from her? Why couldn't he feel it now? He had to feel it! Here now, with her, he needed to feel it! He thrusted deeper until he could feel her hard pelvis smack painfully against his.

_I'll keep digging_

'_til I feel something_.

No! This isn't right! Everything feels wrong! His eyes clenched hard as his hands tore holes in his sheets beside her. His hips pounded harder and faster, but there was nothing to feel. It was hot, but there was nothing else, no friction, no give, nothing! She wasn't even tight. Weren't virgins supposed to be tight? He wouldn't rightly know. He was never blessed before with a virgin. She wasn't even in pain, in fact she was screaming for more.

_Elbow deep inside the borderline_

_Show me that you love me and that we belong together_

His opened his eyes and looked down as his cock disappeared and reappeared in a slick wide cunt. But he saw just as much as he felt. Nothing. There was no blood! Wasn't there supposed to be blood during the first time?

His eyes shot up to meet black pools of malicious passion.

"Keep going, Inu-baby!" Kikyo panted. "So close!"

His body flared in sickening realization as his head began to clear.

_Shoulder deep within the borderline_

_Relax, turn around and take my hand_.

His body began to shake as everything fell into place and he had to fight against the sickening wave of harsh reality.

Panting harder and harder as the heat within him reach its peak, his body clenched cruelly as his entire being poured out his torment in one tremendous roar.

"Kikyo!"

A/N Quick chapter, but glad to have it done. I know, I try to be good, but it felt perfect to end it here.

Oh, song is Stinkfist, by Tool. Such a spicy band don't you think?

Anyways, next chapter up soon!

Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	24. For Which We Receive

"Kagome!"

Kagome lifted her blue eyes up over the crowd and smiled warmly at Kohaku as he ran down the orphanage's stairs.

The concert had finished without a hitch a few hours prior and everyone had come back to the Shikon House to celebrate. Though Kagome was far from a party mood, it was a nice distraction from the weight that had been on her mind since that afternoon.

"Kagome," Kohaku panted as he ran over to her with Sango following slowly behind. "There you are! Figures that I'd find you next to the cake."

Kagome scowled and stuck her tongue out at him as she cut another piece of vanilla cake to give to Souten. "You make me sound like a glutton! I only had three pieces." She gave him a slight wink. "What's up?"

Kohaku grinned happily as he looked over his shoulder at his sister. "Sango invited me over to her warehouse for the night, and I was wondering if… you know."

Kagome tilted her head and looked behind the young man to her friend who stood a few yards away. Sango was watching her shyly, before flicking her eyes around the kitchen where they now all stood.

Resting her eyes on her bandmate, Kagome felt an automatic twinge of trepidation over letting Kohaku spend the night. She didn't want to keep the two of them apart, but she worried how far and how much Sango would tell him of their past. Meeting the gaze of cinnamon orbs once more, she immediately relaxed.

Sango smiled gently at her. She had sworn to protect her little brother and Kagome knew she could trust Sango to do what was right.

Letting out a soft breath, Kagome looked back at Kohaku and grinned. "It's fine by me, Ku. I'll let everyone know where you've gone."

The boy nodded and beamed at his older sister. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get my gear."

The two women watched him run off before Sango walked slowly towards the drummer. It was the first time the two had been alone since the whole ordeal and Kagome was anxious to know what Sango felt about it all. Lifting soft blue eyes upon her, Kagome waited for Sango to speak.

"Kagome… I just… I don't know how all this happened." Sango bit her lower lip before she suddenly enveloped her warm arms around her friend. "But thank you."

Kagome shut her eyes as she hugged the woman back fiercely with aching relief. "I didn't do a thing." She pulled her arms away to look into chocolate orbs. "I'm just so happy you're a family again. Really happy," she cast Sango a sad smile, "I'm going to miss him though."

Sango smiled kindly and rubbed Kagome's arm. "Hey now, we're not going anywhere. From what Kohaku has shown me here, you all took such good care of him. He loves you all. You're his family as much as I am." She reached out and grasped Kagome's hand. "You've only added another to it."

Kagome let out a devoted smile and hugged her friend again. "Then that's the best gift I can ever receive."

Sango reluctantly pulled away and grinned sheepishly. "I'm so sorry I didn't have a chance to talk to you after the whole thing." She unconsciously reached over to the table and grabbed a plastic spoon to fiddle with. "So much has happened over the last few days. But today…." Her soulful eyes drifted up to meet Kagome's. "Today I'll always be grateful for. I just wish you knew how much…." Her voice broke off.

Kagome reached over and lightly touched Sango's hand. "I know, Sango." Her eyes drifted longingly to the floor. "I know."

Sango searched Kagome's face and felt a slight pang of remorse. Of course Kagome knew. If someone had given her the chance to have her brother back from the dead…. She cast her gaze to the floor. All of her friends shared a sense of loss. If only they were so fortunate to have their happiness back. Yet, they were here to share in hers except….

Tossing the spoon back on the table, Sango sighed. "I wish InuYasha were here."

Kagome lifted her eyes to Sango before they darted off to the side in guilt. She never told Sango or the others of the argument she and InuYasha had during the concert. It wasn't just the fact she didn't want to upset them, but the memory of his pain was still so raw that she couldn't even bring herself to absorb it all in without breaking down in front of them. But his absence was noticed, and she blamed herself fully for why he left.

The dark eyed woman searched the girl in front of her softly. Sango could tell something happened between Kagome and InuYasha earlier that day. Kagome had been subdued ever since they found her after the concert. Her smiles were bright, but they never reached her eyes, and even then her very aura exuded remorse. Sango didn't know how InuYasha reacted to Kohaku's return, but however it was it did not seem good. What could have happened to make Kagome look so weighed down?

"Kagome…." Before she had the chance to ask, she was quickly cut off.

"Sango!" Kohaku panted as he ran up beside her. "I'm ready."

Sango flicked her gaze from her brother to Kagome and back. She inhaled deep and let a smile grace her lips. "Great!"

Kagome pushed a grin to her lips as she tugged on Kohaku's sleeve. "You have my number if you need anything."

"I do, thanks." He smiled happily back before he looked at his older sister. "When did you want to take off?"

Sango cast a concerned glance at Kagome before lifting her eyes to her brother. "Now is fine. Meet you at the car?"

Kohaku nodded quickly and headed to the door.

Sango looked hesitantly back at Kagome. "I'll call you later, okay?"

Kagome shook her head and grinned softly at her friend. "Just have a good time tonight. Be safe."

Sango reluctantly nodded her head and followed after Kohaku.

"Well, girl."

Kagome turned to see Miroku, Kouga and Ayame walk towards her.

"It certainly was an eventful day." Miroku grinned as he watched his girlfriend walk out the door before turning warm grey eyes upon her. "I'm wondering what surprises you'll pull on us next."

Kagome let a small smile whisper across her lips as she returned to her task and cut into a cake for more slices to be handed out. "Nothing anytime soon, I hope. They say even God had a day of rest."

The guys chuckled and grabbed a few sodas from the table while Ayame came up beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to give her a comforting hug.

"Kaede told us everything. It's amazing how all of this happened, but it goes to show you that miracles do happen."

Kagome nodded softly. "I just hope whatever happens was for the best."

"Of course it was." Ayame beamed. "You did a wonderful thing."

"In more ways than one," Miroku smiled gently before he cast his eyes to Ayame. "Ready to head out?"

Ayame nodded and smiled back at Kagome. "I'm driving Ko and Miro back to their apartment. See you later, okay?"

Kagome nodded and gave the guys a small grin. "Have a good night."

Both men nodded and waved as they headed to the door.

"Rest easy tonight, Kagome," Miroku said quietly as he moved past her, giving her an unfathomable look. "Some miracles take time."

Kagome gave him a confused expression but it went unnoticed as all three headed out.

Shaking her head softly she turned back to her task, distractedly listening to chats around her and laughing at Hojo as he struggled to help her with the food.

"Kagome!"

Kagome quickly looked over her shoulder at Eri who was waving excitedly at her by the doorway of the Shikon House.

"You have a visitor!"

Giving the woman a puzzled look, Kagome quickly handed out two slices of cake to some eagerly awaiting children and headed over to her friend.

"A visitor?" She asked as she popped the tip of her thumb into her mouth to lick off some butter cream icing. Everyone she knew so far was here or just left. Who could be here now?

Eri quickly grabbed her arm and ushered her to the doorway, all the while rasping quick statements about "hunk," "dreamy" and "he is perfect for you" into Kagome's ear.

Blinking in bewilderment, Kagome was automatically shoved in front of the open door where she peered outside trying to make sense of Eri's gibberish. Her gaze quickly took in a tall, handsome form, bundled in a svelte leather jacket and dark blue jeans. An easy smile instantly graced her face.

"Sesshomaru! You made it!"

Her silver haired manager flicked up a corner of his lips in a slight grin and nodded. "Good evening, Kagome. I hope we are not too late."

The blue-eyed woman quickly shook her head and stepped aside. "No! Not at all. Please, come in!" She held the door wider and waited as he stepped in, followed by a dark haired girl that stayed closely by his side.

Glancing up at Sesshomaru knowingly for a brief moment, she smiled warmly down at the girl. "You must be Rin."

Dark brown eyes blinked up at her shyly before the girl let out a small nod.

"Well, Rin, you arrived just at the right time. We just started cutting some cake. Would you like a piece?" Kagome tilted her head slightly and waited for the girl to respond.

Looking around warily, Rin took in the various children and adults that laughed and played around the small orphanage. Her hand laced quickly into Sesshomaru's before she gave another small nod to Kagome.

"Great!" Kagome beamed. "I have two big pieces waiting for you both. Come."

She led Sesshomaru and Rin further into the foyer before turning towards the open kitchen. Several children ran by laughing, giving Rin a curious look as they passed. Kagome noticed the wide, frightful eyes of the small girl as she followed from behind.

Looking ahead, Kagome grinned. She knew just how to make the young girl feel more at home. She headed towards the table where various foods were stocked piled high to the sky and settled next to the corner of the table where several children still waited for a slice of cake.

"Rin?" Kagome smiled softly down at the eight year old. "We have chocolate cake and vanilla. What's your favourite?"

Rin turned her head slightly from around her father's form and eyed the table with growing appreciation. Cookies, fruits, sweets and drinks littered the table, but between them all were two very fluffy, sugar-loaded cakes with "Congratulations!" spelled in icing letters over each.

"I'd take the chocolate." A girl around Rin's age whispered loudly as she moved up beside the dessert table. "It has vanilla icing in between the layers so you don't have to choose between frostings!"

Rin's smile grew on her face as she pointed to the chocolate.

Kagome laughed and pointed to the chocolate and smiled when Hojo handed her a huge piece. Giving him a quick wink, she handed the piece to Rin with a plastic fork.

"Rin, I'd like you to meet Shiori." She nodded to the girl who was quickly filling a small plate with various cookies. "Shiori, this is Rin."

The blonde haired girl turned and smiled shyly at Rin. "Hi."

"Shiori loves sweets and knows exactly the best food here to choose from. In fact, I'd say she loves food more than she loves Chi Chi Hitori." Kagome laughed.

Both girls' eyes lit up like stars at the mention of the now popular anime.

"No way!" Shiori shook her head. "Nothing is better than that."

Kagome looked up at Sesshomaru and grinned.

Catching on to her plan, the amber-eyed man looked down at his daughter. "I would have to say Rin would agree. She owns every box set so far, not to mention every manga made on that series."

Shiori's eyes widened at the girl in front of her. "You do?"

Rin smiled proudly and nodded. "Yeah, I really like that show too."

The violet-eyed girl jumped slightly in excitement. "My favourite is Ginsing. Who's yours?"

Rin giggled. "Tatome."

"Really? I have a Tatome wallaby card upstairs, want to see it?"

Rin nodded quickly and looked up at her father. "Can I, daddy?"

Sesshomaru nodded. "I will be down here if you need me."

Clutching their plates excitedly, both girls ran from the kitchen to the rooms upstairs.

Kagome laughed softly as she watched them go. "Bingo."

"How did you know Rin liked that cartoon?" Sesshomaru turned to look down at her questionably.

Kagome shrugged. "Every kid in Japan loves that show, so I took a chance."

A soft snort left Sesshomaru's nose as he shook his head. "Well, thank you. Rin has a hard time opening up to strangers."

Kagome nodded and smiled. "I had a feeling. Don't worry, by the end of the day you will have about five more girls being invited to Rin's next slumber party."

A slight cringe settled on the man's brow. "That I am not sure I should be thankful for."

Kagome giggled as she pointed to the table in an offering for him to take what he liked but he graciously declined.

Gathering a few ginger cookies into her hand, Kagome nodded for Sesshomaru to follow her out of the noisy kitchen.

"Rin seems like a very happy child." She smiled at him over her shoulder. "You've done a great job raising her."

"Thank you. I try."

Kagome looked up at him from the corner of her eye. "It must be hard raising her alone."

Sesshomaru tilted his head slightly at her in mild surprise. "What makes you think I had done it alone?"

Kagome flushed. "Sorry. Just that you never mentioned a wife or girlfriend, and the amount of time you spend working and taking care of Rin I thought it safe to assume that it was just the two of you. Especially since you have Jaken take care of her when you are gone."

Sesshomaru regarded her thoughtfully before a small smile graced his lips. "Have you ever thought of becoming a detective?"

Kagome smiled back as she led him out the back door to the open garden in the backyard. "I work with children, Sesshomaru, more to the point I work with ones that hide a lot of secrets. Being a detective is one of the things I do around here."

Dark golden eyes searched her quickly before he lowered his head in a slight nod. "It must be a challenge raising so many children. I have my own aggravation with just one."

Kagome's smile filtered down to a contemplative one. "It is a challenge." She looked up at him thoughtfully before she led him to a pewter bench in the far corner of the garden and sat down. "You see, many of the children that come here have seen more than any have in a lifetime. And very few are eager to give away their trust. It's a building process, but it never begins with us. We just give them love, caring, openness… and hope in the long run they will make the choice to trust us and be happy again."

Sesshomaru looked down at her for several moments before a slight smile hinted on his lips and he sat down beside her. "I understand that all to well."

"Oh?" Kagome tilted her head at him curiously and bit into a ginger cookie.

He nodded. "I have undergone that process with Rin."

"Rin?" She swallowed her cookie quickly. "Why?"

"Though I care for her greatly, she is not my own."

Kagome's eyes widened in question.

Sesshomaru cast his eyes out to the lush garden. "I adopted Rin three years ago when I had found her abandoned on the streets of Tokyo. She looked to have undergone a great ordeal. So much that she would not speak for several months after I had taken her in."

"Oh… Rin." Kagome lifted her saddened eyes to the house.

"As you can see, she has adjusted over time. But it was a process."

Kagome smiled softly and reached over to press her hand gently on his knee. "You did an amazing thing. She is very lucky to have found someone like you."

Sesshomaru lowered his head in appreciation. "I am very proud of her. She never ceases to amaze me."

"Of course," Kagome's warm smile graced her whole being as she leaned back against the bench. "She is her father's daughter after all."

Amber eyes flicked up at her before a hint of warmth spread in their depths. "Yes, she is."

"Kagome!"

Both turned to the house to see Kanna jogging over to them. The pink dye in her white hair was almost gone but she compensated by having dreads braided through it, which were held together with various colourful clips.

"What's up, Kanna?" Kagome grinned up at the girl.

Kanna graced her gaze over Sesshomaru before turning her raven black eyes on Kagome. "We ran out of paper plates and Sprite. Can Souten and I run over to the store and pick some up?"

"Sure!" Kagome smiled and reached into her back pocket to pull out a few wads of bills. "This enough?"

Kanna flipped through the colourful notes and nodded. "Thanks, 'Gome!" With that she turned and jogged back to the house.

"Kanna…." Sesshomaru frowned slightly. "She is…."

"An albino?" Kagome searched his face before she nodded. "Yes. People look at her differently because of it, but we think she's beautiful."

"I see." His eyes turned to Kagome once more. "I was more curious about the pink hair."

Kagome let out an embarrassed laugh. "Oh… sorry. Normally people are more interested in knowing her unique colouring, not her sense of style." She lifted her brow suggestively. "As I imagine is yours. I am pretty sure the silver hair and yellow eyes in your family are also the first things people notice."

Sesshomaru smirked as his eyes grazed silkily down her form. "Indeed."

"Daddy!"

Sesshomaru shot his gaze towards the door to see several girls run out of the house to come stand in front of him with Rin as the bandleader.

"Can Shiori, Lucy and Rae come over tonight? They want to watch Chi Chi with me."

Four pairs of wide dewy eyes searched the adults' faces eagerly.

Kagome looked humorously over at Sesshomaru. "Well, it's better than five."

"Mm." Sesshomaru grumbled before he reluctantly nodded. "Very well."

Rin beamed happily and gave Sesshomaru a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, daddy!"

"Mm." He grumbled once more.

Kagome giggled as she watched the girls run back to the house to gather their things. "Well, it looks like Rin made a dramatic change on you as well."

A dark brow rose slightly over an amused golden eye. "Do you think so?"

The woman watched him with a glint of insight. "Fatherhood naturally does change you, but more so when you have a daughter."

"How so?"

Kagome giggled. "If the answer is yes to the following questions, then it should be answer enough. Have you allowed her to play with your hair? Have you played dolls with her? Have you ever woken up nearly falling off your bed because she took up the whole space even though she is a fraction of your size? And lastly, have you ever sat down to watch the same Barbie movie over and over just because she wanted to?"

A slight tick of Sesshomaru's cheek answered it all.

Kagome laughed. "Then you, Sir, are a bona fide father to a little girl, and all the better because of it. Being a parent is the best aspect a person can have to their character."

Sesshomaru let out a slight grin and turned to look at her. "So you find yourself to be an expert of knowing a person's character?"

Kagome's smile faded into a small grin as she looked at the garden before her. "Hardly. Though I appreciate what I learn, I find knowing a person's character outright is almost impossible."

"Oh?" Sesshomaru grinned. "Yet you were able to deduce so much about me and I have only been here for a half hour."

Kagome watched him for a moment before she drifted her eyes up to the cooling sky. "I only took in what you have told me and what I have seen. But it doesn't take much to know how much you love Rin and how devoted and overprotective you are."

Twin pools of amber rose in amusement. "So you think I am overprotective of Rin?"

A hint of a smile graced Kagome's lips as she rested her head against the bench before she bit into another cookie. "Among other things."

"Other things?"

Her smile grew as her head turned to look at him with soft knowledgeable pride. "Other things that you love."

"Such as?" A dark brow lifted subtly as Sesshomaru flicked his eyes up and down the intriguing woman.

Her face turned away as her eyes scanned the darkening sky above them once more. "InuYasha for one."

Both brows lifted at this answer. "Well, that is interesting. Very few would agree with you when it comes to my relationship with InuYasha."

Kagome turned to rest sapphire gems upon him. "What do you mean?"

Sesshomaru sat back slightly and his face appeared almost impassive. "My brother and I are opposite sides of a coin. We butt heads more than we agree. In fact, we have never agreed on anything. It is well known that our relationship holds animosity, not love."

Kagome regarded him fully as she sat up. "Now that I can't see."

"No?" Sesshomaru cast her a wry glance.

"No." Kagome shook her head.

"Then please, enlighten me. What do you see?"

Kagome tilted her head in thought before her lips parted in a slight frown. "To be honest, I see… discomfort."

"Discomfort? From whom?"

"From the both of you. It's as if both of you are hiding something that both of you already know." Kagome looked up at him and a slight flush stained her cheeks. "I'm sorry. That was out of bounds."

"No." Sesshomaru shook his head slightly. "I expected an honest answer and I would have been dishonoured to have heard anything less." He sighed. "But it is true. We both have our issues that we have found are better off not talking about."

"Hmm," Kagome tilted her head slightly and rested back down against the bench to gaze once more up at the sky. "So the very thing that held you two apart still holds you apart."

Sesshomaru lifted his own gaze up to finally notice the glowing sunset. "Essentially."

"But it never keeps you from loving him. And him from respecting you."

Amber eyes drifted down to settle warily on the raven-haired woman beside him but he did not reply.

Kagome lilted a corner of her lips before she sighed. "You two fight like brothers. Well, more colourfully on InuYasha's part, but still, it's normal."

Sesshomaru scoffed. "I'd hardly call our fights normal, nor could I understand how you could see love and respect coming from them."

Blue heavenly pools glowed like crystal shards as the sunset graced the eyes that settled on the man before her. "You gave him a chance at starting Perdition. You provided everything he could need and gave him the chance to get ahead." Her eyes lowered to the ground. "You protect him from those who want to abuse and use him. And you worry about him."

"That is amusing." He turned his head to look towards the garden. "Most have said all I do is ridicule him. Even he has made it a point to remind me how much he would rather I be out of his life."

"Yet…" Kagome smiled softly. "You're still here."

Sesshomaru mouth opened slightly, but he remained silent, unable to respond.

"You both have your reasons for what you say and do to each other, but it never detracts from what you really feel. And I think deep down, you both know what that is."

"And that is?" Sesshomaru said gruffly, looking sternly over at a closing flower.

"You're brothers. That bond is hard to be broken. It's the root of what both of you are."

"Hmm." He snorted. "That would be hard to believe with how we treat each other."

"It's understandable how actions can be misunderstood for true feelings." Kagome peered up at him. "But then again, it's easier to appear one way than be open to how things really are."

"How do you mean?"

Kagome bit into her last cookie and appeared thoughtful as she gazed off into the distance. "A person is never set on being one thing. Their personas are merely an illusion of who they really are. No one person is an open book."

"Is that so?" The man tilted his head slightly as he studied her form. "Then how is it that you can read InuYasha and myself so well?"

"Because…" She gave him a small smile. "You gave me a few pages to read."

"Pages?"

Kagome nodded. "Little by little, people say something that's the truth, and from that I know a little more about them."

"And what did I say to tell you that I cared for my little brother?"

Kagome's eyes captured his in a soft caress. "You told me that you would bring him home safe. You always do."

Sesshomaru was silent for a moment before a small huff passed his lips as if to laugh. His golden eyes flicked over to the woman beside him. "You are an interesting woman. I can see why InuYasha is intrigued with you."

Kagome's head tilted slightly in surprise before she looked sadly down to the ground. "I would hardly call InuYasha being intrigued with me."

"Hmm," Sesshomaru smirked. "Don't mistake one's actions for one's true feelings."

Kagome's lips attempted to smile at him repeating her words, but she couldn't. Instead she sighed resolutely. "I think it was my actions that may have revealed more truth than I was willing to know. And in the process, I think I did more harm than good."

Sesshomaru frowned. "Oh?"

She inhaled deep and turned her face towards him. The sorrow that flooded her eyes pierced deep within the shadows of his heated ambers. "I hurt him today. Something I swore I would never do." She dropped her gaze to the ground beneath her feet. "So much so that he never wants to see me again."

Sesshomaru leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees and followed her gaze to the ground. He was silent a few moments before his low voice spoke. "InuYasha's past is a sensitive subject, that is understood by anyone who knows him, but the matter of Kohaku had to be resolved."

Kagome shot her eyes over at him. "You know about Kohaku?"

"Of course." Sesshomaru drifted his gaze over to the girl. "Like you said, I protect him from those who would abuse and use him. Others around him feel the same." He stretched his body up and breathed in the growing night air. "I was told about what happened today, and the fact that InuYasha left without seeing it resolved."

"Oh." Kagome's voice sounded pale. She let her eyes drop to the ground in rebuke. So someone called Sesshomaru? But how did they know what happened with InuYasha?

"Though I am not clear what had occurred during that moment, it was inevitable that InuYasha would have been upset with the appearance of Kohaku. No matter how the situation was presented to him, he would have reacted the same." Sesshomaru gazed down at Kagome. "But you cannot be the one to blame for his behaviour. But you may blame yourself for what he will do now."

Kagome's eyes widened. "What do you mean? What will he do?"

"You have read more deeply into his pages than I have." Sesshomaru watched her intently for a few moments before he cast his gaze up at the dying sunset.

Kagome's eyes darted wildly around the garden as the possibilities of InuYasha's actions engulfed her before she flashed them up to meet his in a furious glare. "If you know this then why aren't you there to help him?!"

"As you already know, too much distances me from my brother. I haven't the way to reach him. What he needs is someone who holds no boundaries against him." He turned his golden eyes upon her. "One who also promised to bring him home safe."

Kagome's mouth opened in bitter realization as her wounded heart echoed memories of her words.

'I'll come get you… whenever you want me to.' No matter where you are or where you go.

'I'll always be there to make sure you aren't alone.' No matter what choices you make or what you do.

'I'm there for you.' No matter what you think of me, or what you say.

Even when times are at their darkest.

'Great thing about love is that it can never hate. I don't know who or what you think God is, InuYasha, but if you think it's something that can forsake you when you need it most, then it isn't God. Whatever it is, it's there for you during your weakest times, and it's there to share when you are strong. But no matter how strong you can become, by any means, there will always be something or someone to watch over you as you go, and catch you if you fall.'

'Someone?' He had asked her.

'Yes.'

Flashes of pleading golden depths pierced her memory. 'You?'

"Always." Kagome whispered out loud as her brilliant blue eyes brimmed with tears.

She promised. Oh, how could she have been so jaded? She let him go because she believed she was the cause of his pain, but she was only his reason. Instead, she let her own doubts precede him, and she left him when he needed someone the most!

'What happens when there is no light at the end of the day?' His dead voice echoed from the chamber of her soul.

Kagome's breath left her and she shut her eyes from the painful reminder.

'Believe. Believe that it is just a matter of getting through the toughest part of the day.'

Kagome stood quickly and flashed her divine eyes up to the glowing red sky with renewed conviction.

'And knowing you are never alone.'

-+-

InuYasha groaned heavily as he sat beneath the beating cold spray of his shower. He couldn't remember much of the last few hours, but he knew it was something he'd never want to relive.

He shivered hard against the frigid water but he refused to move from the bottom of the cold tub. Instead, he bundled his arms around his legs and waited for the feeling of disgust and betrayal to leave his body.

Fuck, he could still feel her touch on him and it felt slick and sickly within him. When he had come to his senses that it was Kikyo in his bed, he howled her name to the hells and jumped off of her as if she burned him alive. It took all he had not to beat the shit out of her, but it wasn't as if he didn't try. He wanted nothing more than to rip into her for fucking with him the way she did, not to mention the fact he never felt more abused.

But the drugs still had a hold of him and he couldn't even stand up straight, let alone grab her before she ran from his apartment with all her belongings, laughing like a maniac all the while. He didn't care who heard him as he screamed at her. He wanted to kill her. He wanted her to feel the wrath of his rage she planted within him. He wanted her to suffer for raping him. But deep within him he wanted her to burn in hell for even thinking she could compare to Kagome.

But he couldn't even reach her. Instead he fell on his face as he attempted to chase her out of his apartment, only then realizing he was naked and covered in her sickly essence. Her screeching laughter echoed from the stairwell, up the hallway and into his mind, burning a place there in his memory forever.

Seething in hatred, he knew he couldn't do a damn thing about it. She was protected in more ways than one. And he… he was just a toy.

So he pulled himself together, stumbled back into his apartment, expelled what he could of the pills from his body and then dragged his sorry flesh into the shower where he let boiling hot water pound into him until the water turned cold.

And here he still sat, pale and frozen at the bottom of his tub, waiting. Waiting for his life to end so he could finally be out of his misery. But how many died from a cold shower? He mentally chuckled at the audacity. A heavy cough erupted from his chest but it was enough to revive his senses somewhat and he moaned against the aches in his body from not having moved in so long.

He reluctantly lifted his tired head, receiving a blast of cold water to his face as he reached out in front of him to push the lever down, finally shutting off the shower. His body trembled and his teeth chattered hard in numbed tension, but in his mind, he still felt hot, sticky and greasy. It seemed like nothing could rid the touch of her from his body.

Cringing in disgust, he pulled his body up and slapped a hand against the bathroom wall to hold him steady as he stumbled out of the tub, dripping water all over his bathroom floor. Glancing around dully, his eyes rested on a nearby towel and he fisted at it awkwardly with a numbed hand until he got a hold of it. With heavy limbs, he struggled to dry himself off, rubbing the course fabric hard against his flesh in an attempt to scratch off the crawling feeling that was slowly eating him alive, but to no avail. Dropping the useless rag to the floor, he reached down beside it and grabbed a pair of grey track pants he had left there prior. Cringing at the effort, he hefted them up over his chilled legs and let the loose material settle on his muscular hips to dry off whatever he missed.

Groaning unconsciously, he tripped heavily from the bathroom to the living room, grabbing a pack of smokes from the end table before moving to the patio doors.

Pressing a hand against the warm glass, he pushed the door to the side and involuntarily breathed in the warm night air that cascaded into his apartment and buffeted the damp strands of his hair. He growled low against the sounds of the city that echoed through the streets and up the twenty floors where he now stood, breaking the slight peace he had left.

Stumbling out onto his patio, InuYasha reached for the railing and gripped it hard as he gazed down to the street below. People moved carelessly about beneath him without a care in the world. They didn't even look like they had anywhere to go, just meandering until they fell out of his sight, never to be seen by him again.

What was the point? He wondered. Everyone was in such a hurry. But all they were hurrying for was death. One day closer to the weekend. One day closer to retirement. One day closer, one day closer… one day closer to the end.

And then what? What was the hurry? What were they trying to do? Where were they trying to go when they just become nothing at the end of it all? No one knew when their time was up. Even if they did, would they even bother to try to get up in the morning? Would they bother going to work, pick up the kids from school or buy groceries? All those little insignificant things that made up their nonexistent lives.

He blinked tiredly. They say today is the beginning of the rest of your life, but none will ever admit today was also the end of the life you had lived. And what did you account for that life? Was this new life going to be any better?

So what was the point? What was worth all of this? What was worth living for?

He breathed in the smog, smoke and fuel of the city below and growled in disgust. The lights of the buildings around him were too much, the sounds were too loud and the feel of the air was too hot. It was all just so damn suffocating! How could anyone stand it?!

He quickly shut his eyes from its entirety.

He felt like he was being squeezed tight, close to breaking. He needed to get out! He wanted to finally let go of it all. He wanted to just cut the strings and break free.

Wouldn't it be easier then? Wouldn't it be easier to just… fall?

His eyes opened to reveal dying ambers as they stared down to the abyss below.

He had been falling all of his life it seems, tripping further and further down into his own hell with each choice he had to make. God, he was so tired. He never felt so drained. He felt like he was hanging on the edge and all it took was one less finger hold until he dropped from the earth altogether. Yet all he could think of was how far would he have to fall until it ends.

His hands gripped the railing hard, inadvertently crushing the pack of cigarettes he held as he lowered his head in defeat.

He no longer felt he had anything left to hold on to. And he was terrified. Terrified because he knew if he lost his grip, he'd be gone for good. A small part of him still struggled to hang on. This one last ounce of strength still pounded mercilessly within him to persevere. And it created such panic within him he could barely breathe. It was that part of him that still searched desperately for a reason to hold on to this life, and it was failing.

He shut his eyes as the darkness surrounded him.

Was there anything left to believe in anymore? Was there nothing else left to help him get by? Was there anyone left in this godforsaken world to save him?

"There's a new moon tonight." A soft whisper rushed past him.

InuYasha's head lifted slightly in shock as the warm voice filtered through his haze, but he refused to turn around. For all he knew, it was just another trick of his mind to fuck with him even more.

"It's a sign." He could hear her smile as she walked up behind him. "Meaning change is about to happen."

Golden eyes opened in disbelief as that perfect scent he so craved enveloped around him. Was he so desperate for it that his mind finally cracked under the pressure? Or was this real?

Breathing hard, InuYasha slowly turned his head and peered reluctantly behind him. He shut his eyes quickly again before turning to look down to the city once more.

"Why are you here?" His dead voice fell from his lips. "Didn't I tell you to never come near me again?"

Kagome lowered her face from the night sky to watch his tense back flex and tremble with each breath he took. "Yes… you did."

"Then why are you here? If you're trying to get back into the band…."

"No… I'm not."

InuYasha sighed tiredly as he blinked numbly to the world below. "Then why?"

She was silent for a long while before her gentle voice replied. "I needed to be."

"Keh." He leaned his body heavily against the railing. "I don't need you here."

Kagome slowly moved to stand beside him and leaned her front against the railing to gaze out at the city. "I didn't say what you needed."

Her soft hair flowed up from waves of the wind and cool strands wisped against his arm, making him shiver slightly at the sensual touch. It wasn't much, one would have barely felt it, but to him it seemed to wash away the emptiness that was building inside him, making his body reluctantly ease. His eyes slowly drifted up to look at her.

Kagome's expression was unreadable as she gazed to the buildings in front of her, before she shut her eyes and breathed deep, lifting her face to the heavens. Slowly, her eyes opened and they immediately shone bright with pleasure.

"The stars are out." Her lips curved in a relaxed smile. "Normally the city lights block out the sky, but tonight it outshines us all."

InuYasha's eyes stayed with her for a few moments in confusion before they slowly lifted up to the skyline. He blinked heavily as his very being took in the brilliance of the open night. Countless sparkling rays of cosmic light shone down upon them and they seemed cool to the touch, relieving the hot ache within him. They looked endless; stretching farther than his mind could comprehend before they were blocked by the tall structures around him. Though he could see only a small fraction of the sky, it looked amazing.

A soft sigh flowed before him and he reluctantly looked from the sky to the beauty beside him.

"I've never been this high up before." Her warm eyes turned to smile that perfect smile at him. "You can almost touch the heavens from here, InuYasha."

Blinking back to himself, he snorted. "Hardly."

He stretched back and distractedly opened his pack of smokes only to find them all crushed. Sighing contritely, he tossed the package to a nearby deck chair and leaned once more against the railing to avoid looking at her. "How did you get in here anyways?"

Kagome nodded her head to the inside of the apartment. "Your door was open. You didn't hear my knocks, so I got worried and came to look for you."

InuYasha smirked as he flicked his eyes at her then back to the street below. "Well, you found me. Now what?"

Kagome shrugged slightly and looked back up to the sky. "I guess it depends."

"On what?"

"You." She breathed and cast her fathomless eyes upon him.

"Me?" He chuckled darkly and shook his head. "Listen, darling. Whatever it is you're expecting of me, it's never going to happen."

Kagome lowered her eyes. "That's an awfully long time." She cast her gaze out to the city. "But I have forever to wait."

InuYasha's smirk slid from his face as the realization of what she was saying and doing hit him. All this time he had fought against her, but deep down he wanted her to care. And now, after it was all said and done, here she was, being exactly what he wanted. Everything he needed. And he hated himself for it.

His eyes shut painfully and he turned his face away so she couldn't see. "Forever is just a word. Everything has to come to an end some time."

Kagome breathed in the cooling air and looked up once more to the ageless sky. "Maybe. But not today."

Golden eyes opened slowly to look down to the pavement far below. His breath came and went like a lowing tide before he managed to find the energy to speak and his voice sounded soft and low. "What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want nothing from you." Her quiet voice replied before she let out a resolute breath. "If anything, I want know what you want from me."

InuYasha turned to look at her in question before his head lowered in cynical exhaustion. "I think you've given me enough today." Shaking his head bitterly, he turned back to the railing and waved his hand dismissively at her before resting his arms on the cold bar. "It's late and I have nothing more to say to you."

Kagome searched his frame sadly for a long while before she reluctantly nodded. "I understand." Without another word, she walked slowly back into his apartment and to the open door.

InuYasha waited until he heard the door shut close before he lowered his head upon his arms in defeat. His body shuddered with each breath he took, agonizing over the fact he let her go. But it was better off. She didn't need to be here to deal with this. Not after everything he had done. But still….

His breath left him in a harsh wave of loss. It would have been what he really wanted… if she had stayed.

As if something had heard his secret prayer, a cool whisper of a touch slowly trailed up his heated back and he shut his eyes desperately as a soft hand rested on his shoulder. Slowly turning his head upon his arms, he looked up into gentle blue eyes and felt his body sag from the weight of it all.

Smiling softly down at him was the angel he so desperately needed more than anything. She never left him. He was a fool to think she ever would.

Shutting his eyes as if in pain, he lowered his face to the ground to block her out. Yet his very being screamed for her touch and he could no longer deny what he truly wanted.

_Hold me now I need to feel relief._

_Like I never wanted anything_.

Opening them once more, he slowly reached up and tentatively covered her hand with his.

_I suppose I'll let this go until I find reason to hold onto_

_I'm so ashamed of defeat_.

Standing slowly, he pulled it from his shoulder and gazed at her small hand that he still held gently within his. It was so tiny and fragile, and yet it held everything.

_And I'm out of reason to believe in me_

_I'm out of trying to get by_.

A soft grace of her other hand swiped gently over his hot cheek, making his head turn into her touch, loving the very feel of it against him. He breathed her in, feeling her essence take over his senses, and he desperately wished he could drown in it.

_I'm so afraid of this gift you give me_

_I don't belong here and I'm not well._

His golden eyes lifted to meet heavenly blue and he felt his whole body beat with remorse. But if she only knew what he did. Would she think so kindly of him then?

_I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living_

_Right on the wrong side of it all_.

Dropping her hand from his, he pulled away from her presence and walked heavily into his apartment. He needed her to stay away from him. He didn't deserve the grace she placed upon him. And yet, he didn't have the courage to tell her to go.

He stopped in front of his coffee table and looked down. The distorted reflection of himself on the surface of the glass disgusted him. He looked like shit… because it was exactly what he was. She had to understand what he really was. If only he had the honesty to let her know.

I can't face myself when I wake up

_And look inside a mirror._

_I'm so ashamed of that thing_

His eyes drifted from his reflection to the bag of pills that rested beside it. He had forgotten about them. Odd, since they were the bane of his existence because they were the cause of all his mistakes, and yet they were still so appealing. Slowly reaching down, he grasped the small bag and looked at it with a scowl.

_I suppose I'll let it go _

_Until I have something more to say for me _

_I'm so afraid of defeat_

His hand clenched hard, crushing the pills from the pressure as he let his hand fall despondently to his side. So… was this all he was now? Was this all he had left?

_And I'm out of reason to believe in me _

_I'm out of trying to defy._

Small fingers traveled down his forearm like silk before they slipped inside his clenched hand to clasp it, making the bag he held fall to the ground. InuYasha quickly looked up in shock expecting to see her hurt and angered expression at seeing the drugs. Instead he saw only kindness and unfathomable warmth as she gazed deeply into his eyes – into the very soul he thought he lost.

_I'm so afraid of the gift you give me_

_I don't belong here and I'm not well._

_I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living_

_Right on the wrong side of it all._

His breath left him in a rush of anguish and he shut his eyes tightly before he slowly cast his head down in surrender. As if in a dream, arms so soft, so pure and perfect had lifted up and around him, pulling him down into an enveloping embrace that felt like velvet water, cool, quiet and serene.

Inhaling a sharp breath, InuYasha held his arms stiffly by his side, too terrified to touch her in case he tainted her perfect being. That was until her arms spread tightly around his back and she buried her face into his chest.

Oh God. His face grimaced in a painful battle for control. Her arms felt like she could hold the world up high, and he felt like such a small part of it. But he was there, somewhere, being lifted by her delicate form. And he could no longer fight what he desperately needed.

_Hold me now I need to feel complete_

_Like I matter to the one I need._

Without knowing, his arms rose up and circled around her, holding her tentatively before crushing her hard against him like a lifeline.

_I'm so afraid of the gift you give me_

_I don't belong here and I'm not well._

_I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living_

_Right on the wrong side of it all_.

His head ducked down into her shoulder, burying his face into her neck as he breathed her in deep, not daring to let her move from his embrace. His eyes clenched furiously as his body clung to her hard. Fuck, he knew he was acting like a weak bastard, and he hated her seeing him like this. But he couldn't pull away now even if he tried.

_Now I'm ashamed of this_

I am so ashamed of this

He knew then he could never let her go, not now, not ever….

_Now I'm ashamed of me_

_I am so ashamed of me_.

Because he knew at that moment his life depended on her.

-+-

A/N: The Gift, by Seether. I heard this on the radio as I was driving to work and had to race to the lab to write it down because it hit me as the song for this part of the story. I hope you like it. So thank you to the Bear 106.9 Ottawa for giving me inspiration.

And I know I said that I would update faster, but dang it! Real life caught me with a hook to my mouth. Okay, first I was just going to take a few days off to relax and catch up on some fictions, and get some much needed bubbles and chocolate for the soul. Then I get a message from dad on MSN messenger that he and mom are driving over from Nova Scotia to visit. Well fuck. So then I have to rearrange the house some because my mother has this habit of saying a compliment but you know, you KNOW, she is criticizing whatever she is saying she likes. So I'm spending my free time cleaning and making my house appear perfect. I mean, I washed the dog! Worst day of the year for both of us. So then they stay for a week during Easter, and it was a great time. Well, except for the "When will you give us grandchildren?" question, to which I remind them that her eldest son already gave them a granddaughter AND a grandson and anything I produce will just be a rerun. So I just manage to slide under that gun. Whew!

So they go and I can finally leave my underwear around the house with no one but the cat to tell me I'm a disgrace. But he does it while licking his ass so I don't take it seriously. So just as I am back into my routine, twiddling my fingers to get ready to type, I get a call saying I got accepted into a new job in Nova Scotia because my contract in Cornwall is coming to a close, meaning I am moving in the middle of May back to the province I just left. So now I'm looking for a place to live, moving vans and having to slowly pack so I won't explode come Victoria Day. Not a problem. I mean, I just moved into this place in November, I only just unpacked everything, so it should be easy to pack it back in. So now boxes are starting to collect and I'm ready to type. Then… ding! Landlady will be showing off my house and needs me gone when she does.

….FUCK!

Now I don't say that out loud. That's how I feel inside, among other things that are shouting inside my head.

I'm not sure when the tick in my right eyebrow appeared, but it makes for an interesting show since the dog has started a new hobby of staring at me with the tip of her tongue hanging out, so something about me must be entertaining.

So I'm cleaning the house….AGAIN… taking my beloved underwear off the floor and tossing my ass breath cat outside to have strangers come to my house that I won't be moving out of for another month. So essentially all of this had left me only with this week to finally get this chapter written, edited (thank you again Missy!) and posted.

I'd love to say that the next chapter will be up soon, but I'm on digs again now that the snow has stopped, and will be in Ottawa for two weeks beginning May, without much time to write. But this story is my top priority and I rather be doing this than cleaning, packing, moving, working and making grandkids. Well, maybe not the baby making since I like the process of the act even without the product.

Anyways, thank you for bearing with me. I hope you liked this chapter. And thank you to all those who have read this story, and to those who left a review.

And Masterkon? You owe me two chapters! HA!

Live, Love and Laugh.

WDW


	25. Waking

Golden eyes flickered slowly open only to immediately shut tight against the intrusion of the mid-day sun that shone down between the curtains. A low painful groan escaped the lips of the prone man as he fought the haze between unconsciousness and reality, but more so against the stiffness in his neck.

Fuck…. What the hell did he sleep on? InuYasha winced as he tried to gain coherent thought. He lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck but it felt like lead. In fact, both of his arms ached as if he had exercised too much and felt near impossible to move.

Grunting in submission, he let his hand fall back onto his chest before he flinched slightly in pain. Man, even his chest felt like it was bruised. Damn, maybe he wasn't completely over the drugs right yet. His eyes tightened into a grimace. That clinched it. He was never popping pills again.

He slowly shifted his tight legs to stretch out the kinks, but even that was a chore. Moaning in protest against the realization his whole body was out to get him, InuYasha turned awkwardly onto his side and unconsciously nuzzled into the sweet scent beside him, trying to find relief in its presence. His arms sorely reached out to embrace the body he felt for certain would be there, yet his touch met nothing but a thin blanket and the back of his couch.

His heavy eyes automatically fluttered open as sudden uneasiness forced him to wake. He blearily focused on the brown leather back of his sofa as his body searched for what was wrong, wondering what was missing, but he found nothing out of the ordinary. Sharp tingles of panic immediately shot through his limbs, making his gut lurch in his chest at the realization that that was the problem. He was alone.

InuYasha's head snapped up from the arm of the sofa as he peered quickly around his living room, listening to any possibility that someone else was there. His heart began to thunder hard against his ribcage as he realized his apartment was empty and the only sound around him was coming from the ticking clock on his television stand saying it was 3:18.

Slumping his face back into the arm of the couch in dejection, he pulled the beige flannel sheet that covered him up over his head to block out the world. God, he was such an idiot. As if she would stay after the mess he made of himself. Quite seriously, even he didn't want to be around him right now.

He moaned heavily into the soft leather as he tried to force the memory of last night out of existence, but the feeling of it was burned into his soul.

She had held him last night - held him as if he were a child, and like a fucking moron he let her. And what was worse, he held her back! God, what was he thinking? When did he get so goddamned weak? It had to be because he was just so exhausted and drained last night that he wasn't in his right mind. Hell, the pills had him almost fuck Kikyo! Surely they would have made him drop his defences to be unstable in front of Kagome.

His eyes clenched tight in humiliated agony. No. That was a lie. He needed something desperately last night, regardless of the pills, and out of the shadows she was there. Even after everything he had said and done to her after the fact, she had stayed with him.

She had stayed, even when he pulled away from her as if burned. She stayed even when he grimaced at her as if she were contaminated. She stayed when he yelled at her to get the fuck out, calling her every name in the book, only to finally lock himself in his bedroom, slamming the door nearly off its hinges when she didn't. And hours later, when he finally came out, she was there on his couch waiting for him.

They never spoke after that. Instead, he sat at the other end of the couch and both of them watched television until the sun broke out over the horizon. It was then that he finally drifted off to sleep, collapsing exhaustively as his body gave out. He didn't even feel it when she placed a blanket over him, or when she tucked a sweat-dampened strand of his hair off his face.

Yet as he slept, he knew she was there.

But now she wasn't.

InuYasha's hollow eyes slowly drifted open in desolation to stare blankly at the sheet that covered him. He couldn't blame her for leaving. She saw the weakest side of him, something that no one had ever been allowed to see. It was bad enough that she saw him sick a few days ago, but now she saw his desperate temper. It was a humiliating and degrading experience, and she witnessed it all. So how could he blame her for leaving? He was surprised she had stayed through it all, never once saying a goddamned word against him.

A twist of bitter anger coursed through him. Maybe that's what she wanted to see. Maybe she wanted to see him fall to pieces around her and act like she was untouched by his pain in order to make herself all the more higher on that bloody pedestal she stood on.

But as quickly as his anger came, it disappeared into a feeling of guilt. Was he still trying to convince himself that she was capable of such things? Was he that desperate to find fault with her? From everything he had learned about her, she had become more and more perfect, so much that he could barely believe she was real. And the funny thing was he hardly knew anything about her. Only that he never needed anyone more than he needed her.

His nose tucked into the blanket and he slowly closed his eyes in twisted contentment as he fisted the sheet more tightly against him. It smelled just like her. She must have used the blanket last night when they watched T.V. He inhaled long and deep once more, basking in the sweet scent of vanilla. He shivered in tormented pleasure as it flooded his pained senses, sending sharp tingles of want through his body.

Amazing. The scent was so simple and so small yet it swallowed his entire world. And he couldn't get enough.

His golden orbs tightened painfully as remorse shook his being. He told her she was out of the band. He said he wanted her out of his life. He insulted and degraded her so much over the last few months. And last night…. God, last night!

He clenched a fist between his eyes as he tried to block out the entire event, but it replayed like a haunted nightmare. His teeth clenched as he let out a bitter groan. How was it possible that he could fuck up his life even more? There was no way he could make up for it. Nothing could excuse his behaviour. Within one day he not only ruined his life but his band's as well. Kagome was gone and there was no way of getting her back. He had crossed the line too far and there was no way to fix it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! He internally seethed as he buried himself deeper under the blanket in misery. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He never felt more hopeless in his life.

His breath stopped short when he heard the front door click quietly shut and he lay still as he listened. His ears automatically perked in alertness as a body moved softly into his kitchen where he could barely make out a faint rustling from various bags being moved.

InuYasha slowly pulled the blanket down from his face and peeked around his living room, but couldn't see much from his vantage point on the couch. Who the hell was here? Very few had access to his apartment. He rolled his eyes. Most likely it was Sango but for some reason he felt depressed at that notion. He had hoped it was….

His heart twisted bittersweet in his chest as the faint smell of vanilla drifted over to him. Fighting the pain in his body, he lifted himself up into a sitting position and peered over the rim of his couch to look towards the kitchen. His brow quirked slightly as he barely saw Kagome's form disappear behind his fridge door. He didn't know whether to feel relieved or annoyed. At the moment he felt both. What the hell was she doing anyways?

Grimacing in painful discomfort, having forgot his body's protest of the night before, InuYasha slowly got up from the couch so not to make any noise and hobbled over to his kitchen. Resting his side against the frame of the entrance, he let a tired smirk etch on his lips as he watched her round ass wiggle by the fridge door before he quickly placed on a mask of contrariness.

"You still here?" He barked.

Kagome froze in fright before she pulled herself from the fridge and looked up at him. She gave him a lopsided grin as her body automatically eased. "Apparently."

He snorted softly. Guess there wasn't much more to say than that. A brow rose slightly as he looked her over briefly. Man, she looked tired. Didn't she sleep at all last night? A slight twinge of guilt unsettled him before he glimpsed at a bag of oranges in her hand. He frowned. "What're you doing?"

She shrugged as she bent back into the fridge. "Putting groceries away."

His eyes widened a fraction, not sure whether to be thankful or pissed at her charity. "You bought food? Why?"

Closing the fridge door, Kagome moved to the table to start putting the rest of the groceries away. "I wanted pancakes but you didn't have the ingredients."

His eyes widened a bit more as his mouth automatically watered. Fuck, when was the last time he had pancakes? He internally snorted. Not since he was a kid at least.

"You could've gone home." He moved awkwardly to lean his back on the frame, but thankfully she didn't notice his discomfort.

"Yeah," Kagome looked over her shoulder at him and grinned. "Which means I would have to make a million pancakes for fifteen kids and I didn't want to share."

InuYasha smirked. "How unchristian of you."

A soft smile settled on her lips. "What makes you think I'm a Christian?"

His brows rose slightly in disbelief. "You believe in God, don't you?"

Her smile grew and InuYasha could almost see a secret hidden in them. "What does religion have to do with God?" She asked.

He was taken aback. "Isn't that the whole point of it?"

Kagome tilted her head slightly. "I guess in its truest form it does. At our most desperate times we search for meaning in teachings of religion. We want examples to follow to better our lives." Her blue eyes warmed as she looked up at him. "But religion isn't necessarily a path to God and it certainly isn't our only path."

InuYasha crossed his arms as his mood began to sour. "Then what's the point of it?"

Kagome shrugged. "I can't answer for everyone, but if I had to say I would think it was having a connection with other people, wishing to feel a bond with each other and find peace with their surroundings and find their greater calling. It's a means to connect one's soul. I think it's pretty much what everyone searches for when they first enter a church, temple or synagogue." She turned to look distractedly into a grocery bag on the table. "It's what we search for no matter where we are."

He snorted contritely. "Religion is fucked. It caused the War on Terrorism, abused so many systems as a means for power and made ignorance a way of living for people. God has no place in a rational mind."

Kagome shot her gaze up at him. "Don't blame the decisions and actions of people on the very force that holds us together."

He turned cold eyes upon her. "You don't seriously think…."

"InuYasha." Her hands dropped heavily on the table as she stared at the wall in front of her, hiding her face from his view. "If people honestly knew what God was," she turned saddened blue eyes upon him, "there wouldn't be any ignorance at all."

"Yeah?" He scoffed, turning his eyes from her gaze. "So looking at history, you honestly think believing in God did any good for our humanity? Fuck! Look at all that's been done! Government scandals, murders and prejudice… child abuse…." He turned his face away bitterly. "All done in the name of God."

"Just because someone says they're doing something in the name of God," her azure eyes looked openly up at him, "doesn't mean they're doing the will of God, or the work of the moral that name upholds. These people may say religion or God is the reason why they do something, but it doesn't mean what they are doing is what it truly stands for. It doesn't mean they are doing God's work no matter what they say."

"So again," he smirked unkindly, "what's the point of religion if people don't uphold what it's supposed to stand for?"

Kagome turned back to the table to finish her unpacking. "Funny thing about religion, InuYasha. People think it stands for a certain thing and it's never allowed to change. I guess that's where a lot of problems lie. Religion in its definition means belief. Just because a person believes in something doesn't mean that it's right. And just because people tell you what God is supposed to be doesn't make it the truth." She stuffed the empty bags into one and placed them under the sink. "So it can be difficult to uphold a belief when one doesn't fully comprehend its intention."

"Belief has an intention?" He frowned.

Placing the last items in the cupboard, Kagome sighed. "Belief is a standard of living. It motivates how we think and act. But what we believe is not meant to cripple our morality, but strengthen it. Beliefs are meant for us to pursue what we understand as good for ourselves. But what we forget is what the good needs to be as a whole. And that's where God comes in, to define that good for all of us."

InuYasha's mouth shut tightly as he stifled a growl. "I think that's shit, believing in some otherworldly figure that has some fucking 'devine' plan for us all and we have to follow it."

Kagome finally turned to face him as she relaxed her body against the counter. She tilted her head softly as she studied him thoughtfully. "Is that what God really is, InuYasha? A supernatural being with the world already set and we're just pawns playing the part?"

His lips twisted uncomfortably as he looked away. "It's what you people believe isn't it? At least it's what you make us believe. How am I to rationalize it? I can't believe in something so farfetched."

Kagome let a whispered laugh leave her lips as she looked wistfully up to the ceiling. "You know what I think? I think that a lot people don't believe in God because they already have it set into their minds to be something not worth believing in. And some try so hard to break believers, slandering those who have faith, because they draw on examples from people who never really knew what God was to begin with."

She settled her eyes to rest onto his. "It's easy to say there is no God when you see so much hurt and pain and evil done by those who claim they are doing God's work. But all I want to know is why unbelievers believe the people who didn't even know what God's will was? Just because they go to church or even run it, doesn't mean they truly know God. It's from that fault where ignorance lies. Ignorance is from accepting the truth for what it's not, and not accepting it for what it is."

InuYasha's mouth opened slightly, but he remained quiet as he turned his gaze bitterly to the floor.

Kagome sighed as she shook her head. "We are a unique species, don't you think? Capable of so many dreams, ideas and innovations. It's foolish to think we can be set on one thing, and that one thing must last forever. Religion should be no different. We learn, we advance and we thrive with our beliefs adapting with the change. It's how we survive. But change can scare people, enough where they can use people's beliefs as a weapon to hold so many back and hurt so many in the process. And yes, there are even those who will use people's beliefs to gain power, not caring about the power behind the belief. When that happens God becomes lost. Paperwork, bureaucracy and self-indulgence overpower the good that our beliefs once held. And from that comes the hatred and intolerance you see. So then it's easy to say there is no God when you see these things, because you're right… God isn't there."

"But that's all there is." InuYasha frowned, eyeing the girl up and down. "Nothing but hate and intolerance and injustice. They're all caused by beliefs, more specifically the belief in God. How is it possible you can still believe in God after everything that has happened because of its ideal?"

"Because," Kagome let a soft smile grow on her lips as her gaze lowered to the ground. "Because some people get it. Some people really know what God truly is, and that's what gives us hope to continue to believe. When you get to the basis of what the concept of God is, there is nothing greater to put your faith into, especially when that faith is shared. When you know what God really is, you then realize it was never the belief in God that caused such horrible things to happen." She slowly lifted her eyes to his. "For living the truth of what God is would deny such terrible things any possibility."

"Then what is it?" His golden eyes searched hers with trepidation. "What's the truth?"

Kagome's smile gentled and her whole presence seemed to warm him without anything more than her eyes gazing up at him deeply and wholly.

"It's unique for everyone, no two people ever know it as the same. Yet it's something that every one of us has. It's something that everyone can give. And it's something that everyone needs at every moment of every given day."

He snorted on a cool laugh as he crossed his arms. "You make it sound like a riddle to some sacred secret."

"Hardly, though its concept can be hard to grasp." She giggled and stepped up to him so close that he could smell the sweetness of her hair and the hint of mint on her breath.

His body automatically pushed heavily against the wall as he unconsciously tried to escape her welcoming presence. Scowling at his cowardice, he pulled away from the wall and glowered down at her. "Well, you're not making it any easier to understand. It's something that all of us has, gives and needs? What the hell does that mean? Why can't anyone just give an answer without having to bring so much bullshit into it?"

Her head lifted to meet his gaze and her lips pressed in a cute frown as she contemplated her words. "Well… I think that some answers are better off being found rather than being told." She gave him a wistful grin and a slight shrug. "I guess in that way, it makes it more believable."

InuYasha's arms dropped to hitch in his pants and he smirked unkindly down at her, although it was hard to look her in the eye. "Believable? I hardly think there is anything out there worth believing in. If there was, don't you think everyone would?"

Her lips frowned slightly as her eyes pulled away from him in thought, much to his relief and disappointment.

"You know, they say people look for God all their lives and never really know that what they were searching for was there all along." She appeared reflective as she flicked her eyes up and down his form. "I can understand your disbelief, though. God is something more powerful than any could imagine, enough to create light where there is darkness, good where there is evil and hope when there is pain. To believe in something that profound and perfect could easily be passed off as something supernatural and unreal.

"But what if," she breathed as her eyes drifted along his broad chest in deep thought. "What if it was something so simple that you never even realized you believed in it all along?"

InuYasha looked down at her soft form as she stood before him innocently, not even aware of how close to danger she was in. It was not just the fact that she dared to argue God with him, but that she dared to answer him with no fear or anger, and with as much conviction as any had allowed with him. He found it invigorating and stimulating, not to mention down right aggravating. Yet she did not back down, she never did. His chest grew tight and tingly at the realization. She took everything he criticized and never did her light fade. Instead, he felt it grow brighter and hotter with every answer she gave to him.

His eyes grew darker like liquid syrup as he pulled in her tranquil aura like a sensual caress. She smelled so sweet and the craving to bury his face into her hair hit him hard. Her eyes glided up to meet his and he felt captured in waves of cerulean tranquility and purity. Believe in something perfect? So much that it couldn't possibly be real? The notion sounded familiar. To believe in something so….

His gaze glided down to her silk kissed lips.

Perfect….

His amber eyes drifted closed without his volition as he leaned down towards her before the realization of what he was doing sunk in. His eyes flashed open in alarm and he nearly tripped over himself in his haste to get some distance from her, not noticing her look of confusion as he shot from her as if burned.

He backed up into his living room, quickly brushing his fingers distractedly along his scalp as he flicked his eyes around his apartment uncomfortably before his gaze settled on her small form. He smirked slightly as he fought to gain his composure. "Keh, let's just drop it. Whatever it is, I don't have it, I won't give it and I don't need it."

Kagome's lips struggled to smile as she stepped up to him. "But I…."

InuYasha stumbled back until he hit the edge of the couch. "Listen, I don't believe in anything, let alone whatever the hell you're talking about, but if it gets your rocks off then I'll leave it alone if you leave me alone, okay?"

Kagome watched him for a few moments and he thought for sure he could see a hint of dejection in her eyes before it was flooded over by a watery smile and a nod.

"Okay." She shrugged. "Besides, it cuts into pancake time. Which reminds me, I'm starved! Go! Take a shower or whatever your morning thing is, as long as it gets you dressed. I'll have breakfast made by the time you're out."

He tilted his head in confusion at her statement before he looked down at himself. He finally noticed he had no shirt on and his loose track pants were hanging very close to his V. Flushing slightly, he grunted in agreement and bee-lined to the bathroom, shutting it quickly in his haste. He never had the chance to see the pained look on her face as she clutched her fist to her heart, pouring out the truth that she wanted him desperately to take.

-+-

By the time he was showered and dressed the sweet smell of pancakes and coffee had taken over his apartment. Growling contrarily as he brushed his tangled hair, he decided to just fuck it when he realized there was no way to make it neat. Shaking his head to create wispy waves, he sauntered out of his bedroom, frowning uncomfortably as the tips of his hair dampened his only clean t-shirt. This was not how he wanted Kagome to see him, like some unkempt slob. His frowned deepened. What did he care anyways? Not like he wanted to impress her or anything. Besides, didn't she once say she liked his hair unruly? It made him look…what was it? Wild and sexy? He sighed internally. She better had meant it because it was his only saving grace.

He stepped sheepishly into the kitchen but his apprehension quickly melted away as she smiled brightly up at him and motioned him to sit in the empty chair across from her. His eyes widened slightly at seeing the table elaborately set for the two of them with a large stack of pancakes in the middle. A mug of coffee and a glass of juice sat beside an empty plate that waited for him on one side of the table while Kagome sat on the other, already biting into a stack of pancakes she had made for herself.

She pointed to the side, trying to quickly swallow down the spongy dough coated in syrup. "Sugar and cream. I didn't know what you liked in your coffee."

Slowly sitting down across from her, InuYasha awkwardly reached over and poured some cream into his coffee along with some sugar.

"Cream, two sugars." His eyes shot up to meet Kagome's as she smiled at him while nodding to his coffee. "Now I know."

"Double, double. It's a staple." He shrugged and a faint smirk tilted his lips before he reached for some pancakes.

His unease rapidly faded as ravenous hunger took over. When was the last time he ate this good? His eyes flicked up to meet hers for an instant before he reached for some syrup. Not since the last time they shared a meal. In fact, the only time he ever had a good meal was when he was with her. It was a concept he wasn't sure he liked, but for some reason the notion felt… oddly right.

He cut a large chunk from his stack and shoved the whole portion into his mouth, trying hard to suppress the moan of pleasure as the sugary dough practically melted in his mouth with the butter it was coated in.

Kagome grinned between her bites. "Better than instant noodles?"

"Hmm?" InuYasha quirked his head slightly, his mouth too full to speak.

Kagome nodded her head to a cupboard. "I noticed you had nothing but noodles. Well, that and a questionable jar of mayonnaise in your fridge."

InuYasha swallowed and looked at her in shock. "I had mayonnaise?"

Kagome laughed. "That or wasabi. I don't know, I don't think either should be that colour brown."

He chuckled slightly. "Sango always said my apartment was a biohazard."

Kagome giggled. "So what's with the noodles? You have stock in the company?"

His lips ticked up even more. "I should." His golden eyes flicked up at her then back down to his plate. He sighed contritely as he picked at his pancakes. "I'm hardly home enough to cook. Instant anything is my diet."

Kagome hummed. "Well, you know if you ever want a fantastic meal you can always come by the Shikon House. Ayame, Kaede and I always make more than enough in case the kids want more."

InuYasha lifted his eyes up to meet her happy blue before he quickly dropped them to her plate. He frowned suddenly in question as all conversation went out the window. "Is that… chocolate chips?"

Kagome glanced down at her pancakes and lifted her brow innocently. "No?"

His lips seemed to thin as he darted his eyes up to hers, daring her to defy him.

She giggled and handed him her plate where he quickly stole a few chocolate spotted pancakes.

"I can't believe you were holding out on me." He bit into a large piece of gooey pancake, leaning over his plate as a few strands of melted chocolate dripped down from his lips.

Kagome laughed. "I will never deny you again, I swear."

His gaze slowly drifted up to search her face and he swallowed his pancake hard. He was silent for a few moments before he cleared his throat. "Kagome, I…." He stopped when her eyes shot up to meet his and a happy gleam flooded over her. "What?"

"You said my name." She flushed before she ducked her head down. "I'm sorry, it's just that it's the only time you've ever said my name."

A blush of shame burned his face as he glared down at his breakfast. "Is it really?"

She shrugged. "Well, to be fair, we rarely spoke to each other so I guess there never was a need."

InuYasha reached for his coffee and held the cup between both hands as he gazed at it penitently. "I never meant to… you know." He mumbled.

"I know." She breathed and let a small smile grace her lips. "But before now there were a lot of things keeping us from getting to know each other."

He nodded slightly. "I suppose."

"At least now there is nothing to hold us back."

InuYasha shook his head. "No." He frowned down at his coffee. "I can't guarantee that."

Kagome was silent for a few moments before she spoke. "Then, I guess there is only one thing we can do."

"And what's that?" He asked numbly.

"Be happy in the moment we have." She smiled softly. "It's all we're really given for certain anyways."

A slight smirk hinted his lips and he nodded once.

Sitting in quiet thought for several minutes, Kagome reluctantly sighed. "About Kohaku…."

"Yeah." InuYasha frowned. "About that."

"I should've told you." She whispered as she gazed down at her plate. "When you saw me in the lobby, I wanted to tell you so bad."

"Why didn't you?" He gripped his cup harder.

She breathed in deep to relieve the nervousness in her chest. "Because I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" His eyes drifted up to her remorseful face.

"Sango told me what happened Thursday night. She told me about how Kohaku got into drugs, and the night he…."

InuYasha nodded his head.

"And about you."

"Me?" His voice sounded distant as he flexed his hands around his hot coffee cup.

"About how you took his place to save him."

He ducked his head further into his chest. "I never saved him."

"Yes, you did." Her voice replied tenderly. "When Kohaku was brought to the orphanage, he was thin, sick and very troubled. But he was alive. Through the years he has grown to be the man I know you will be proud of. I don't know what happened from that night to the day he was found, I'm not sure anyone knows, but what matters is that he has his life back. And he has his family back, including you."

He shook his head. "He doesn't remember me."

"But you remember him." Her soft voice echoed deep inside him.

Seeing as he wasn't about to speak, Kagome continued. "The moment you saw me at the park, I just received word from my friend Bank that Kohaku was the one you saved. I knew you would have recognized him had you seen him, but I wasn't sure how you would have reacted. And to be honest, I wasn't sure how Kohaku would react either. I heard sometimes images or voices could trigger a memory. I had to be there for him, in case he did remember." She bit her lower lip. "But I also had to get you to see him. I knew if I had told you, you would have left."

InuYasha opened his mouth but then shut it tightly before his strained voice broke through. "How did you know I would follow you?"

"I didn't." Kagome breathed. "But I'm so glad you did."

He braved against his tightening stomach and lifted his eyes to meet hers and all thought left his being as her mouth parted in aching atonement.

"I am so sorry for any pain I have given you. You have to understand it was never my intent. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, not if I can help it. I'd never forgive myself if I did." She bit her lower lip as her eyes drifted to the table. "I hope you forgive me for what I did yesterday."

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed in shock. For what she did yesterday? He was still beating himself up over what he did. "Forgive you?"

Kagome sighed shakily. "I know I should have told you. I should never have…."

"Kagome."

Her words died in her throat as her watery eyes flowed up to him.

InuYasha could do nothing but watch her for a few moments before he shook his head and lowered his eyes to his plate. "Forget about it. It never happened."

She frowned. "But…."

"It's forgotten," his golden orbs flashed deeply into hers. "All of it."

Her frown deepened. "But what about Kohaku?"

"What about him? He has what he needs right now."

Kagome shook her head. "He needs you."

InuYasha scoffed. "He needs me like he needs another hole in the head. Besides, he's better off never knowing the truth about what happened."

"I'm not talking about his past. I'm talking about his present." Kagome bit her lower lip and flicked her eyes around the table. "He should know you."

A dry snort left his nose. "What the fuck for?"

"Because." Her blue eyes flitted up to his face. "Because everyone should be so lucky to know who you are."

All words caught in his throat as his golden eyes opened slightly in shock. Did she really say that?

A soft shaky breath passed quickly from her lips as she ducked her face down. "You both have come so far. Even if the past should never become known, you should not deny yourself who he is. He is here because of you, and he should at least know the man you have become." Soft pleading eyes lifted to meet his. "Please, think about it."

Against his better judgement, he reluctantly nodded his head. "Fine, I'll think about it."

Her lips lifted slightly and she nodded before she looked down to her breakfast. Sighing, she pushed her plate away. "I should get going."

Amber eyes flicked up quickly as InuYasha watched her stand. "Going?"

She nodded. "I have to go pick up Kohaku from Sango's."

"Can't Sango drive him home?" He stood up with her.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but it's on my way." She glanced down at the table. "You think you can handle the rest of the pancakes?"

His eyes drifted to the table in confusion. Pancakes? All she can think to say as she is about to leave him is 'can you handle the rest of the pancakes?' His head shot up as she moved out of the kitchen to the doorway, slipping her shoes on in the process. Reaching for the knob she turned and smiled at him.

"Now don't forget. You're welcome to come to the Shikon House whenever you want. The door is always open." She stood there for a long moment before she nodded and opened the front door. "I'll see you around…."

"Practice!" He blurted out, quickly walking into the living room to face her.

She stopped and looked at him. "What?"

"We're having practice." He growled uncomfortably, wincing internally for his cowardice.

"We are?" Her eyes widened as questions flooded over her before she shook herself out of her confusion. "When?"

Grabbing his keys and sneakers, he reached for the doorknob. "Now."

"Now?" Kagome stumbled from the door as he wrenched it all the way open before she rushed out into the corridor with him. "But…."

Snarling contritely, InuYasha slammed the door shut behind them and locked it. "Listen, we have five days until Hong Kong. I'm not about to fuck around." He turned and frowned down at her. "You just going to stand there?"

Standing straight in shock, Kagome blinked rapidly before turning on her heal and ran down the stairs, giggling all the way. "Race ya!"

Fighting the wave of excited relief, InuYasha bit back a wide smirk and leapt down the flight of stairs, after the girl he could no longer let go.

A/N: Okay, a very short chapter I know. I HATE writing short chapters and I so wanted to add more to it, but I've held off posting a chapter far too long that even I got pissed at me for not writing. So I hope you're all okay with it.

As for my life, well, aside from about the five digs we did around Ontario, packing up the house, showing the house, seeing friends before we go, we have finally arrived safe and sound in Halifax there on Tuesday, unpacked the van and spent the last two days getting over the 'U-Haul Shakes'. It was worse off for me, because a few days before leaving I found out I was two months pregnant. So any smell set me off into a fit. Note to anyone travelling. Avoid Quebec in May… apparently it's manure spreading season.

I'll be seeing a doctor tonight to find out all the details about the baby, and will keep you posted in the next chapter! As far as I know, it will be born in January. No morning sickness. Just tired and tired. I get queasy every now and then, and I am craving salty foods. I mean, I HATE McDonalds like it spawned the plagues of the Nile, but fuck if their fries haven't enticed my child. It doesn't even have a stomach yet (well, as far as I'm aware) and already it has gone the way of the dark side and its name is Rotten Ronnie's. So you can imagine I have bought stock in Tums with the amount of heartburn I've been having. I am very happy though, nervous as hell and scared out of my mind. (Seriously, I changed a diaper once my whole life and I have no idea how to hold one of these things.) I mean, I just got used to being Aunt Candy. Now I'm going to be Mommy. Whoa. Scary.

Anyways, my A/N is almost as long as my chapter, so I should get going. Hey, if any of you have facebook, I'm on there too. Just let me know if you want to be on my friends list!

Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	26. All That You Can Do

InuYasha was kicking himself by the time they made it down to the parking lot. Not only did he make a fool of himself by making up they had practice so Kagome would stay longer, but he had yet to let the rest of the band know they had to meet within the next half hour!

He growled silently to himself as he bee lined to his bike. How the hell does he keep getting into these situations? At least the drive over there would give him time to prepare.

"Where're you going?"

InuYasha stopped short and turned hesitantly to Kagome as she looked at him curiously. "Um… taking my bike." He stated in an attempt to be snide.

Kagome frowned in that adorable way he was beginning to like way too much. "Why? We're going to the same place." She gestured to him as she headed to the driver side of her car. "Come on, it'd save on gas. And don't worry, I'll drive you back when we're done."

InuYasha looked imploringly over to his Harley, almost as if wishing the bike had an argument against her, but he couldn't think of an excuse in time. On one hand he would be given the chance to be alone to call the rest of the band, on the other, he would have a reason to have Kagome near by after practice was over. Tough choice.

Growling at his lack of control, he headed over to her car and flopped into the passenger seat, slamming the door closed and crossing his arms in a huff. Great, just great. Now all he had to do was come up with a reason why the rest of the band wasn't going to be there. That would go over well. Not to mention Sango was going to be pissed that he showed up unannounced especially since she was spending time with….

InuYasha paled. Oh fuck! Kohaku! Was he that out of his mind to make up with Kagome that he forgot about the very reason why he ousted her? Now they were driving towards the very place he wanted desperately to avoid. He groaned softly. A bullet to the head would be nice right about now.

"You okay?" Kagome's soft voice cut through his distress as she drove out of the parking lot.

Closing his eyes, InuYasha rubbed the dull ache that was forming between them. "I really need a smoke." He said unconsciously.

"Oh." Her voice lowered slightly. "Did you bring any?"

Groaning under his breath, he shook his head. "No." A vision of a crushed pack of cigarettes on his balcony came to mind.

Silence permeated the car before Kagome spoke. "There's a convenience store on the corner. I can drop you off and you can run in and get some."

He was about to wave her off before his eyes shot open to see the store up ahead. Its neon sign lit it up like a halo and he could almost hear angels sing as the solution to his problems came into view. "Yeah, pull over."

Once she stopped by the curb, InuYasha bolted from the car to the inside of the store. As soon as the door swung closed he flipped open his cell phone and started calling. It took less than five minutes to give his friends the heads up about practice, though they were pissed about the short notice. Not like he cared. Snapping the phone shut on a swearing Kouga, InuYasha sauntered over to the counter feeling better at ease. That was done, now it was just a matter of getting through the day without making a bigger ass of himself in front of Kagome.

"What can I get for ya?" The young clerk stated in boredom, looking up from a magazine.

"A pack of…." InuYasha stopped, his eyes settling on the article the man was reading as a picture of Kagome and himself popped out at him. He blinked and leaned over the picture. It was from a few days ago, when they were giving autographs before the second competition. More specifically it was when Kagome dragged him out of the lobby to sign one more autograph for a little girl. The picture showed the both of them looking into each other's eyes, yet all he could see was the happiness and pride beaming from Kagome's face as she looked at him.

"Sir?" The clerk lifted a brow.

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at the man before looking up behind him to the rows of cigarette packs. His eyes fell once more to the picture before he sighed. Reaching over to the stand beside him, he tossed a green package on the counter and snapped some change down beside it. "Just a pack of gum."

Nodding, the clerk rung it in as InuYasha headed to the door.

"Uhh… Sir?"

InuYasha turned to give an annoyed glance at the man.

The clerk looked down at the picture then at InuYasha. "Aren't you…?"

InuYasha smirked.

"Whoa." The man whistled and his dark eyes looked back down at the picture. "You must be good at what you do, man. How else can a guy get a woman like that?"

InuYasha's smirk quickly disappeared. "I honestly don't know."

Popping a tablet of gum into his mouth, he headed out the door and walked sullenly over to the car but slowed when he reached his window. Tilting his head slightly in question, he stepped quietly to the car and peered in. Kagome's head rested against the side of her door and her closed eyes fluttered as her body fought against sleep. InuYasha lifted a brow and rolled his eyes before he headed to her side of the car.

Clearing his throat loudly, he lifted his hand and rapped a knuckle against the frame her head rested against. "Hey, wake up."

Her blue eyes opened slightly before looking up at him. Her lips quirked as she sat up and yawned, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. "Sorry, I didn't realize I dozed off there."

InuYasha watched her for a few moments before he frowned and opened her door. "Move over."

"What?" She looked him over in confusion as he nudged her shoulder with his hip as he attempted to sit in her seat.

"I said move over. I'm driving."

"What? Why?" She unbuckled her seat belt and unconsciously moved over to the passenger side as he dropped into the driver seat.

"Because I'd sooner trust you driving than I would Rin." InuYasha turned the ignition on and buckled up.

Kagome's mouth opened in indignation. "Hey! I'm a safe driver!"

InuYasha snorted as he adjusted her mirrors.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagome huffed and reluctantly buckled her own belt.

InuYasha pulled from the curb to the street, minding to keep his eyes on the road and not the fired up vision beside him. "It means I'm not about to trust anyone who hasn't slept in thirty six hours to drive."

Kagome faltered before she slumped back in her seat and crossed her arms. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Seriously." Kagome frowned and glared in annoyance at the windshield. "I hate how you always think I'm weak! When will you finally see that I…."

"Oh for fuck sakes!" InuYasha snarled and turned burning yellow eyes upon her. "Will you just shut up and let me take care of you?"

Kagome blinked at him in shock before she rolled her eyes and settled down into her seat. "Fine."

Huffing out his aggravation, InuYasha turned his eyes back on the road. Finally! He didn't think she'd ever shut up. Fuck, was she ever stubborn! Didn't she see that he was doing this for her own good? The girl hadn't slept because of him and it was about time she realized that he was man enough to take care of her. He… oh shit! He didn't just say what he thought he said did he?

Cringing slightly, he flicked his gaze over at Kagome, incredibly relieved to see that her eyes were once again closed. Hopefully she missed what he said. The last thing he needed was to put anything into perspective, especially where she was concerned. Sighing, he cast his attention back out on the road, just missing the faint smile on her lips as she began to doze by his side.

It was a good twenty minutes until they made it to the warehouse. InuYasha parked Kagome's car next to the alley as gently as he could so not to disturb the sleeping woman beside him. Turning the car off, he leaned heavily back in his seat, at a loss of what to do now. By the looks of it, Miroku and Kouga weren't there yet, and he certainly wasn't going in there alone. Sighing, he turned his gaze to Kagome and unconsciously watched as she slept.

Her plump lips were parted slightly as deep breaths left her lungs. Tendrils of her long, ebony hair danced with the slight breeze coming in from the window and her eyelashes whispered gently against her cheeks as she dreamed. She looked so young, like a child, as her head rested against the taut seat belt. If were at all possible, she looked even more endearing to him. But what hit him most was that she seemed so relaxed and secure, like she knew she was in a safe place.

InuYasha's chest felt tight as he rested his head against his seat and just looked at her. It was true though. She was safe. And he'd give his left arm to make sure she always felt that way around him.

If only he could.

His eyes fell as he turned away from her. Who was he kidding? How the hell would he ever be able to protect Kagome when he couldn't even keep himself out of trouble? Why did he keep deluding himself? The only way she'd ever be safe was if she was as far away from him as possible. Not until he broke free from his hell could he ever give her what she deserved.

But what about him? Could he deny the peace she gave him? This was the first time in his life he ever felt like he could be happy - truly happy. It wasn't something he was willing to give up, and it was the very thing he had been trying to avoid since she walked into his life. But if he let her go, would it be best to have things go back to the way they were? He knew it was something he could handle. He lived his whole life without her, why should now be any different?

It was different now because he had been given the choice. He had been given the chance to change one moment for the better. And it terrified him. Moments like this didn't come by everyday, and they certainly didn't come to people like him.

His eyes closed as he breathed in the warm vanilla of her scent. It wasn't like he was given Kagome; it was the fact that she gave him something. What, he still couldn't figure out. But it was enough for him to doubt everything he had known. It would be so easy to just cast whatever she was doing aside, let things go back the way they were. Everything would make sense then, and his whole life wouldn't feel threatened. It would be easier to just let it be the way it was.

His eyes opened slowly. Yet if he did that, he would be giving up his last chance to feel good again. He knew no one else could ever make him feel like she had. And he didn't want anyone else to try.

His gaze turned back to her tranquil form. So what was he supposed to do? Waste away like he was in exile? Or surrender to fate?

His eyes drifted to her pinked lips and his heart wrenched in his chest. How was it possible to feel like he finally had two feet on the ground and yet felt like the heavens were falling down on him? When he looked at her, he felt he had everything to prove, and yet he knew he had nothing to gain. If only he could change it all, break free from the past, maybe then…?

InuYasha shut his eyes in regret. He knew he'd never be able to break free. He was walking a path he didn't want, living a life of bad choices. But it was all he had and there was no getting away from it.

Was there?

His amber eyes opened to rest on perfect harmony. Her silky hair reflected the sun like a blinding halo and a faint smile traced across her full lips as if all was right with the world. She exuded innocence and tranquility in such a way that he couldn't fathom how her tender body could stand its intensity. Could it be possible that his salvation could be found in something so soft and simple? Could she have the answers to change everything? Could she help him to be free like she was? She seemed so much like an open book, but one that would take him a lifetime to read and understand.

His gaze automatically drifted from her lips down her satiny throat to rest on her soft, bare shoulder where her t-shirt had slipped as she slept. She was faultless in every way, like a rich diamond cut and polished to perfection from the darkness she once lived in. Light shone through her in a radiance he never knew anyone could possess. How was it possible? How was it possible for someone to be so flawless?

Kagome shifted closer to the window in her unconscious need to get more comfortable, bringing InuYasha out of his reverie as she turned from him. Snorting at his foolish thoughts, he was about to turn away from her before his gaze caught on a vivid white mark behind her far shoulder.

He frowned in confusion. What the hell was that?

He leaned closer to her body, reaching out to touch the mark that extended down below her shirt before a hand grabbed him hard from behind. Jumping in his seat, InuYasha whirled around to see two laughing pairs of eyes staring at him.

"Shit, Yash. You have to wait for a girl to be unconscious before you make a move?" Kouga snickered and jumped behind Miroku before InuYasha could grab him.

"Shut up, dickwad!" InuYasha growled as slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms contritely.

"Hmm?"

Three male eyes turned and peered at Kagome as she stretched lazily and rubbed her eyes.

Blinking the haze from her mind, she turned to the three men before looking at the warehouse then back at them. She frowned at the smirking faces on Miroku and Kouga and the contrary glower on InuYasha's. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Kouga grinned as he leaned on the doorframe and winked at Kagome. "Miro and I were wondering what was so interesting about the view, since InuYasha has been staring so intently at it for the last few minutes." His eyes roamed knowingly up and down her body.

A furious snarl erupted from the singer's lips as InuYasha launched himself from his seat and half way out the window, clawing at Kouga's form as the blue-eyed man struggled to get away. Wild cursing and threats of death filled the air as InuYasha tried to undo his belt and keep a hold of Kouga at the same time.

"Hey, Kags." Miroku murmured as he walked by her window, knowing full well to get out of harm's way. When her attention turned to him, he subtly motioned his hand over his shoulder and nodded at hers.

Frowning in confusion, Kagome lifted her hand and felt a small scar showing on her back. She quickly fixed her shirt. "Thanks." She mouthed.

"Fuck, Yash!" Kouga yelped as he wrenched himself from the man's hold and fell on the concrete. "Get a grip!"

"I will once I get out of this damn car!" InuYasha flared as he struggled with his seat belt.

"Shit!" Kouga jumped up from the ground and ran to the warehouse without a second glance.

Miroku just chuckled before he followed after. "See you both in there."

InuYasha gave up on his seat belt and fell back hard into his seat, glaring furiously out the windshield. A deathly silence permeated the inside of the car as InuYasha seethed in bitter humiliation. Fucking Kouga and his fucking big mouth. Now Kagome will know he was staring at her like a lovesick puppy! How the hell was he supposed to get out of this now?

"It's okay, you know." Kagome's gentle voice flowed around him like a soothing breeze.

"What?" He snarled low, dripping hatred and venom as much as he could into his voice. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome to think anything Kouga said was true.

"That you were staring." She murmured.

"Feh. I wasn't staring at anything! Kouga's full of shit!" InuYasha barked and gave her a stern glare, telling her to drop it.

Kagome blinked in puzzlement and her mouth opened in a small 'o'.

"What the fuck does that look mean?"

Kagome shook her head and looked out her window. She was expecting him to ask about the scar Miroku pointed out, but apparently he didn't notice. Instead, his attention was on something else entirely. "It means I understand."

InuYasha turned away uncomfortably. "Understand what?"

"That you didn't want to go in the warehouse right away."

InuYasha blinked in clouded confusion as his head quickly swung towards her. "What?"

"Apparently you've been sitting here staring into space." Kagome shrugged as her cerulean eyes flicked up and down the brick alleyway in front of them. "You don't want to see Kohaku." She turned her quiet gaze towards him. "So it's understandable that you wanted to take your time and think about things before you did."

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed as what she was saying finally registered. She thought he was sitting here thinking about Kohaku! Sudden relief was soon swamped by confusion. What the hell did he have to think about regarding Kohaku? Unless she thought that….

"Are you saying you think I'm scared to see that… that…!" He sputtered.

Kagome shook her head. "No. I'm saying that you're wise to put things into perspective before you go in. I think it's a good thing to enter a situation with a level head."

InuYasha's mouth closed and he slumped down into his seat, his golden eyes flicking over every knick and hole in her steering wheel. "Feh, I'm fine. What's there to think about?"

The girl shrugged and looked back out into the alley. "I don't know. Normally thoughts just come whether we want them to or not."

InuYasha frowned and lifted his fingers to trace the insignia on the steering wheel. She was right. Now that he was confronted with it, his mind was racing. He had been procrastinating going into the warehouse, and thankfully Kagome was the perfect distraction. But now there was no avoiding it. His eyes glanced over to the warehouse and he was silent a few moments before he spoke in discomfort. "What … what am I supposed to say to him?"

"Nothing if you don't want to. Maybe hello just to be polite."

He snorted. "Yeah, that will make up for everything."

Kagome leaned her head back against her seat in an attempt to get comfortable. "Well, as far as Kohaku is concerned, 'everything' is right here and right now." Her baby blue eyes drifted up to him. "Just give him a moment of your time and let him take it from there."

InuYasha's lips curved down in doubt. "It's not that simple."

"A million things can happen in one moment, InuYasha." Kagome reached over and traced her fingers along his hand that rested wearily on the steering wheel.

Slowly, amber eyes drifted up to meet tender blue.

"We can't let an entire life be governed by one possibility." She said softly as she took her hand away.

Her eyes held such strength and understanding that InuYasha found it impossible to doubt what she said, yet he had no idea how to let go of his fear. He pulled his gaze to the floor. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Kagome's warm lips lifted into a graceful smile. "Be yourself."

InuYasha couldn't help himself. He chuckled darkly and turned away. "That's the last thing I should be."

His heart throbbed hard in his throat as her voice said his name with such softness and gentleness.

"InuYasha."

His golden eyes reluctantly turned towards her and got captured in her saddened gaze as she sighed.

"Being yourself is the only thing you haven't been."

InuYasha faltered, not sure whether to be shocked at her truthfulness or offended by her audacity to say such a thing to him. His conflicted mind struggled to respond but was stopped as she turned from him to look forlornly at her glove compartment.

"It's the only thing I've ever wanted from you." She murmured. "Yet you try so hard to be everything you're not."

InuYasha's mouth shut tight as his tongue ran dry and his chest beat painfully. Never had one sentence struck him with such guilt and shame. His head fell unconsciously as he turned away from her at a loss of what to say. On one hand he wanted to berate her for putting him in his place, on the other he wanted nothing more than to give her what she wanted. Time seemed to pound away fractions of his life as he just sat there, unable to do anything more than that.

A soft sigh flowed beside him as a click of a seat belt was undone and the opening of a car door jarred him out of his disgrace.

"Don't…." He mumbled.

Kagome halted from getting out of the car. She turned and looked at him. "What?"

InuYasha's mouth pursed as he breathed in hard and deep as he struggled to bring his emotions at bay. His eyes danced all around him, trying to avoid looking at the woman beside him before he slowly parted his lips. His voice sounded strained and tight against them as he struggled to speak.

"Don't… you ever worry?" He murmured.

Kagome relaxed back down into her seat. "Why? What would that accomplish?"

InuYasha's gaze lowered to the floor.

Kagome let out a heavy breath before she bit her lower lip nervously. "Yeah… I worry. Truth is I worry all the time."

Amber orbs drifted up to look at the young woman as she fidgeted with her nails.

"I worry about my friends and family. I worry about the Shikon House and the band." She let her hands drop to her lap. "I worry about a lot of things."

InuYasha's lips twisted down slightly. "So you're worried you can't handle them all?"

Kagome shook her head. "I never worry about myself." Her softened eyes looked out into the alley. "I worry about everyone else's safety and happiness. I worry over the choices they make."

InuYasha frowned. "Why would you worry about that? That's beyond your control. They determine their own life."

"I know." Kagome smiled slightly before she turned to him. "But isn't that what worry is? The uncertainty of things we can't control?"

The singer blinked then turned away. "People make their own choices. You have to accept that not everything comes out like roses."

"No." The azure-eyed beauty sighed as she looked out the window to the warehouse. "But sometimes I wish some choices didn't have to be made." Her gaze seemed to drift inward as her voice quieted sadly. "And sometimes I wish other choices were decided."

InuYasha fell silent as he listened to her words. He could only guess she was thinking about her family and the bomb that killed them. From what he could remember, the tragedy was a random terrorist attack by an unknown gang. He briefly wondered how anyone could make the decision to trigger a bomb that would kill thousands, but then again, it was never a choice he would have to make.

"So, yes, I worry." Kagome smiled softly, cutting off his train of thought. "But all I can do is put my faith in that they will make the right decisions. And in the long run, everything will be okay."

InuYasha looked slowly over at her, unsure what to say. He doubted that anyone should put faith in anything. When it came to choices, most chose what was easy, not necessarily what was right. Isn't that how he lived? Making the easiest choice to get out of dealing with the consequences? Funny thing was, every time he thought he was making the best choice for himself, it tightened the noose around his neck, limiting the choices he had left. All he wanted to do was escape and deny everything he had done, everything that he is. But he could never escape the life that was slowly choking him.

InuYasha growled bitterly. "Nothing will be okay, not if you trust people to be what they are. We're victims of circumstance just trying to get by."

"Is that what we are?" Kagome's heavenly eyes drifted up to meet his.

He pulled his gaze from hers as he turned sourly to his side window. He wasn't sure how to answer without incriminating himself even more.

"I think… that we are defined by the choices we make." Kagome turned her face back to the alley. "Circumstances are only instances where we are forced to make a choice. Some people may choose the easy road, and others the more difficult. Those choices create who we are. We can't hide from what we've done, because there is never escaping the face we see in the mirror."

"Mirror?" InuYasha looked at her with a quirk in his brow.

Kagome nodded. "We alone know why we made the choices we did. We know the truth and we can't hide it from ourselves. We see the truth of what we have done when we look in the mirror. It's then a question to whether we are proud of what we see."

InuYasha shook his head and turned his deadened eyes out into the alley. "There is very little to be proud of these days. Most would rather live their lives hiding the truth of what they really are than face the fear of losing everything by confronting it."

Kagome sighed softly. "Then I guess it becomes a matter of deciding what you'd rather lose. Your fear or your self."

Silence permeated the car before the drummer spoke.

"It's getting hot in here." Kagome flicked her eyes over at him before she nodded toward the warehouse. "Coming?"

InuYasha turned his gaze from the alleyway to her, mesmerized by the deep insight that lay hidden within the questioning eyes that stared kindly at him. Even now, she didn't hold it against him. She knew he held himself back, hiding behind a mask, yet she never thought ill of him or asked him to change, even though he knew that was what she wanted.

Instead, as he watched her beautiful eyes soften as she looked at him, he was left to make a choice.

But was the risk worth it? Was taking the road out of his addictions and hatred and self-loathing worth the pain and hardships he would have to endure to get out of them? Yet looking at her, the vision of everything he ever wanted, sitting there beside him gave him the worst fear he had ever encountered - the fear of losing her.

"Yeah," He nodded once; surprised at how calm his voice was though his heart was beating a tattoo against his chest. "Let's go."

Climbing out of the car, he was stunned when he saw that she waited for him then walked beside him to the warehouse. It was such a small gesture, but he appreciated it all the same. It was a somewhat comfortable silence as they walked, though InuYasha's mind was going a mile a minute. He wondered what she was thinking. What she thought of him. Would she like the real him?

But most of all he wondered if he could give her what she really wanted.

"InuYasha?"

InuYasha looked down at her as she stopped suddenly. He tilted his head warily as she peered uncomfortably up at him.

"Do you have any gum?"

-+-

"It's about time you showed up." Sango grouched as she tossed Miroku a can of soda. "Funny that the man eager to rehearse would be the last to show."

InuYasha gave Sango a snide face as he lifted a hand, gesturing for a soda as well.

Sango stuck her tongue out at him as she tossed him a can.

"Kohaku," Kagome smiled as she headed to the boy who was sitting on the nearby couch playing Final Fantasy VII, the remake. "Have a good night?"

The boy grinned up at her as she leaned over the couch's back. "It was good."

Kagome giggled at the teenager and ruffled his hair. "Good to know."

"Oh! Turn it up!" Kouga pounced onto the sofa by Kohaku. "This is where Sephiroth comes in. I love the new music style they put into this one."

Miroku flumped into the armchair beside them. "Yeah. Much better than the original, though the original is the original."

InuYasha rolled his eyes at them as he came up beside Kagome and thrusted a soda in her hand. "Here, you need caffeine."

Kagome looked down at the can in her hand then up at the uncomfortable frown on his face as he watched the television. She smiled softly. "Thank you."

InuYasha flicked his eyes down at her and gave a half shrug. "Whatever. Just get normal."

"Kagome? Normal?" Kohaku smirked as he stared hard at the game. "That's asking for a miracle."

"Shut up." Kagome whacked the back of the teen's head.

Kohaku chuckled and glanced up, his eyes widening a fraction when he saw InuYasha. "Hey! It's you!"

InuYasha stumbled back as Kohaku hopped up from the couch, the game completely forgotten.

"I love your music." Kohaku extended his hand to the singer. "I'm a big… huge… fan!"

InuYasha looked quickly over at Kagome before slowly taking the boy's hand. "Fan?"

Sango chuckled as she threw an arm around InuYasha's shoulders as the boys broke apart. "I told the kid we're old friends and not to be star struck when you got here, but it seems you still have an admirer."

"Still?" Kohaku glanced questionably at the woman.

"Please!" Sango rolled her eyes and stalked over to the couch to flick off the TV. "When you were a toddler you stuck to Yash like gum to his shoe. You thought he was the coolest thing ever."

Kohaku blushed and InuYasha turned away uncomfortably.

"I didn't see it." Sango smirked at InuYasha. "Still don't."

"Feh." InuYasha grumbled and stalked over to the practice area. "It was a long time ago."

Sango frowned slightly at his back. "Yeah, I guess it was."

"Yeah, well, any guy who had been labelled as one of Japan's greatest and is wanted by millions of women is cool in my books." Kohaku countered as he headed towards InuYasha. "Either way, I'm glad to finally meet you… again." He smiled.

InuYasha peered over at the boy, unsure what to say or do. He flicked his eyes over at Kagome to see her give an encouraging wink before turning back to Kohaku and giving him a faint nod. "It's… good to have you back."

Kohaku beamed as the rest of the band headed to their instruments to get ready for practice.

Sango sidled up to InuYasha as he adjusted his mike while keeping an eye on Kohaku as Miroku and Kouga gave the kid a hard time about his hero-worshipping.

"It's okay, Yash. He doesn't know." She gave him a faint smile. "As far as he's aware, I lost him during the riot at our house. He doesn't know what was involved. Right now, all he cares about is who his family is."

InuYasha gave her a quick glance and continued with what he was doing without responding.

Sango smiled as she watched Kohaku laugh and joke with her friends. "He's a great kid. He turned out to be everything we wanted him to be." She nudged InuYasha slightly before she moved to her keyboard. "You'd be proud to know him."

InuYasha grunted as he went to check on his amps but watched the young man on the sly.

Kohaku did look happy, like everything should be as it was. He reminded the singer of the times before everything went to hell in a hand basket. Times before he…. InuYasha grimaced slightly and turned back to what he was doing.

Sometimes life can only be lived if parts of it were forgotten. If only others were so lucky to have that option. But for the rest of them it was just a matter of killing the pain. Everyone has to hide some part of them selves, because living wasn't safe, not when there was something to take away a piece of you every time you tried and failed. Not when you were reminded daily of the worst choices you ever made.

Golden eyes flicked up as a soft giggle erupted from Kagome's lips and InuYasha's hands slowed at what they were doing.

Kagome was different. Nothing about her was normal. She laid everything out there for the world to see, and yet she remained unharmed.

His eyes lowered to the floor. Even when those have tried to bring her down, she still remained high above them all. How? How did she do it?

'I think we are defined by the choices we make.' Her voice whispered inside his head. He looked back up at her as she laughed with a heart wide open.

He couldn't imagine her being anything else than that - so alive and vibrant. She was true to herself.

His eyes turned slowly to Kohaku and he blinked at the vivid brown eyes that danced and beamed in ease. The teenager was so much like her in that respect. Though the boy lost so much, suffered so much, he still kept himself wide open, unafraid of the possibilities of what could happen to him. He was so sure of himself, even though he had a life held in complete darkness.

'You'd be proud to know him.'

Amber orbs fell to the floor. Given different circumstances, he just might be. But right now, at this moment, he was scared of him. Not for who he was, or for what he might know, or for what he will someday realize. No. He was scared because he didn't know who to be in front of him.

His face drifted up to Kagome as she headed to her drums.

To be your self, that's all he needed to do. But he didn't know who he really was. He spent his whole life being something he wasn't to survive. And now, he could lose it all by being that way.

His eyes shut as he turned away. Be your self. It was something so simple, and yet completely impossible. Because who he really was, was nothing he was proud of.

"Hey, are we playing today or what?" Kouga hollered.

InuYasha glanced around and saw that everyone was in place. Finishing up with the amp, he nodded.

Music soon pounded through the warehouse walls as Perdition rehearsed through the afternoon, even allowing Kohaku to play with them for a few songs that he knew. Hours passed and yet no one seemed to notice. Laughter and ease seemed to come from everyone, everyone except one withdrawn singer. It wasn't until it was close to nine and Perdition was having their final break for the night that it was finally addressed.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened or do I get the delight in guessing?" Miroku murmured beside InuYasha as the singer watched the two laughing women walk into the bathroom together.

InuYasha turned quickly to his friend. "What're you getting on with?"

Miroku shrugged as he looked quickly around. "I don't know. Just thought maybe something happened between you and Kagome…."

InuYasha flushed and quickly gulped down some bottled water. "What makes you think anything happened?"

"Well, for starters, you drove her here… in her car, this after Ayame calling to say Kagome didn't come home last night." The grey-eyed guitarist smirked knowingly.

InuYasha gave Miroku a deadly glare. "And this makes you think she and I slept together?"

Miroku lifted a brow. "Well, I wasn't thinking it went that far, but it's obvious something happened."

InuYasha gulped down more water. "And why is that?"

"Well." Miroku grinned. "The way you two stare at each other kind of gives something away."

"Stare?" InuYasha coughed lightly on a drop of water that didn't go down the right way. "I wasn't staring at her! I give a rat's ass about her!"

"No?" The raven-haired man smirked. "I guess not if you missed the looks she was giving you." Miroku was about to walk away before he was hauled back.

"What looks?" InuYasha asked, his voice low.

"Why do you care? Or is this rat's ass you'd give for her the one that shits out treasure?" Miroku smiled knowingly.

"Shut up, fucktard." The singer hissed. "She was looking at me? How?"

"Oh, like that." Miroku nodded over to the bathroom.

InuYasha turned to see Kagome and Sango coming out of the bathroom. Kagome's eyes had immediately connected with his. His very being felt shocked to the core as something deep inside the hollow of him screamed to touch the heat that was spreading through him like a wild fire by her expression. It was something he hadn't felt in a lifetime – something he thought died long ago. Something that finally woke up and was fighting to break free.

The look only lasted a moment before she flushed slightly, gave him a shy smile and quickly turned away.

InuYasha's mouth parted slightly, stunned at the reaction his body had made by one simple glance. Why hadn't he seen that look from her before? What did it mean? And why did it make him feel so vulnerable and giddy like he was floating on air? Almost like she touched….

"Whatever you did or didn't do, you certainly took the right road." Miroku slapped a hand on his friend's back before he whispered in his ear. "Keep going that route, you may just get it all."

Get it all? InuYasha watched dumbly as Kagome headed back to her drums. He didn't even know what he did to earn that look, let alone anything else. But God, what he would give to have it all.

But what could he do? Ask for a chance? A chance for what?

To be felt.

His throat went suddenly dry as her sky eyes drifted once more up to him and he quickly looked away, ashamed of the reaction he was bound to feel. He didn't deserve that look. And in actuality that look wasn't even for him. It was for the man she wanted him to be. If he took it as he was it would be a lie, something that would destroy whatever she felt for him. She wanted the real him and it was someone he could not give.

He just wasn't ready to let go.

"She doesn't know who I am." InuYasha said bitterly. "She wouldn't look twice if she did."

Miroku glanced over at Kagome then back to his friend. "I think she sees exactly who you are. Maybe it's you that can't see it."

InuYasha gave Miroku a warning glare but it went unnoticed as the man stepped over to his guitar. Giving Kagome one quick peek, he growled contritely.

"One last song, then we'll break for the night." He said as he headed to his mike.

"Sounds good." Sango stretched. "Anything in particular?"

InuYasha was silent for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah, something mellow."

"Ah, you mean something like this?" Miroku grinned mischievously and began a slow solo on his guitar, bringing everyone into the know. Soon, Perdition joined the music, leaving only the voice to bring it all together.

InuYasha scowled at the knowing smirk on Miroku's face. Just like the asshole to chose this song, but he couldn't not sing it without making a scene. Turning to his mike, he sang the verse flawlessly.

_Someone falls to pieces_

_Sleeping all alone_

_Someone kills the pain_

_Spinning in the silence_

_She finally drifts away_

_Someone gets excited_

_In a chapel yard_

_And catches a bouquet_

_Another lays a dozen_

_White roses on a grave_

_Yeah…._

Keeping his eyes on nothing, he beat out the words that have been plaguing the truth from his very soul.

_And to be yourself is all that you can do_

_Hey…_

_To be yourself is all that you can do_

His eyes drifted unconsciously to Kohaku and watched as the boy strummed his fingers in time to the beat without a care in the world. A sour twist bit hard inside InuYasha's gut and he turned quickly away.

_Someone finds salvation in everyone_

_Another only pain_

_Someone tries to hide himself_

_Down inside himself he prays_

_Someone swears his true love_

_Until the end of time_

_Another runs away_

_Separate or united_

_Healthy or insane!_

His hands fisted tightly against the mike as the music struck a venomous chord.

_And to be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)_

_Yeah…._

_To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)_

_To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)_

_Hey…_

_Be yourself is all that you can do_

InuYasha tossed his head back slightly to rid his sweat stained bangs from his eyes. He turned with the rest of them to watch Miroku play his electric guitar, his scarred hand stretching as he handled the instrument with ease. The experienced guitarist moved with a confident grace that clearly defined Miroku, joined by the cocky ease that was Kouga. Both seemed to be in their element, without any trace of deceit against them selves. How he envied that.

His golden eyes danced over to Kagome, mesmerized by her swaying body as she pounded the drums. Almost as if she knew, she broke her eyes from the guitarists and lifted them up to meet his own. InuYasha immediately turned away. He knew what would happen if he met her gaze and he wasn't ready to let anyone see his weakness.

_Even when you've paid enough_

_Been put upon or been held up_

_Every single memory of_

_The good or bad faces of luck_

_Don't lose any sleep tonight_

_I'm sure everything will end up alright…_

_You may win or lose_.

He just didn't want to lose anymore.

_But to be yourself is all that you can do_

_Yeah_

_To be yourself is all that you can do_

_Ohh…._

His fingers twisted hard against the mike, his heart hitching hard against his throat as his very being felt like it was being ripped apart.

_To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)_

_Ohh…._

_To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)_

He couldn't let go. He didn't know how… but if he didn't, he'd lose more than he'd care to admit.

_To be yourself is all that you can… _

Be yourself is all that you can…

_Be yourself is all that you can do…._

InuYasha panted hard as the song faded out. Slowly, for the first time in a lifetime, golden eyes lifted, open and alone, begging to find the man he lost inside himself.

A/N: Be Yourself, by Audioslave.

Another chapter done! And my excuse for why I haven't updated sooner is a sooky one, since I have been a sooky person for the last few months. For those who have children, you may agree or slander me, for those who haven't – take heed. Pregnancy sucks!

Well, the first three months do.

How can something the size of a golf ball kick the crap right out of you?! I have never been more tired in my life! The very reason why I haven't updated because every time I look at the computer I fall asleep, or get queasy and have to lie down. I seriously have slept between 12-15 hours a day during my first trimester. It's not so bad now that I've entered my fourth month, but man! The last three were the longest I've ever lived. If falling into coma states weren't bad enough, the food aversions and smells threw it over the edge! I HATED eggs and meat my first trimester! If I smelled any of it I got sick. Thankfully I haven't thrown up yet, but man, I gag over everything! Even the smell of my own husband! Sigh. He was a little upset that his very presence made me dry heave. But let's face it, bitter coffee breath is not a great kiss taste, neither is whatever else he ate that sent me running. At least now it's better. Now I don't sleep as much since I have to pee every hour. I still hate eggs, but I can eat beef and poultry again, and my husband can again squeeze a boob sometimes without me punching him in the balls to let him know what it feels like. Sigh, getting back to normal again, and feeling heavy! We heard the heartbeat a few weeks back, and next month we have our first ultrasound. I'll keep you all updated! Anyways, I have to pee.

Enjoy every moment, even the sucky ones! And always, always be true to yourself.

Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	27. Change of Heart

A/N – Edited completely after the second half…again. A whole new song, thanks to Swift Dagger who reminded me of Goo Goo Dolls awesomeness… I feel this song goes better with the story than the one from Lighthouse. Hey, it's been a few months since I've written, I'm allowed to make a few tweaks to get back into the groove :P.

-+-

Kagome struggled to stifle a yawn as they packed up for the evening but quickly lost the fight. Her large yawn was followed by a deep, arching stretch before she moseyed over to the love seat, oblivious to a pair of covert yellow eyes watching her as InuYasha packed up for the night.

"Hey, squirt." Her voice sounded strained after a night of practice as she slumped down next to Kohaku. "Are you heading home tonight?"

The teen sighed. "Got to, I have work tomorrow." His body seemed to sag at the weight of having to bag groceries in the morning.

Sensing his displeasure, Kagome grimaced. "Yeah, guess we should take off here soon."

The boy frowned and nodded, his eyes looking remorsefully over at his sister.

Sango grinned and held up her hands. "It's better than bussing tables like me."

Kouga collapsed into the sofa chair next to them, chugging a beer he found in the back of Sango's fridge. "You still with that shit job? What about all those cheques we've been getting?"

"Paying off debts, stupid." Sango glared at him begrudgingly. "And it's not like they will be constant. We have yet to sign a contract and this warehouse won't pay for itself. And who the hell gave you permission to drink my beer?"

Miroku sighed contentedly as he fell into the seat beside her, holding an ice-cold beer. His eyes flicked over Sango's contrary face as he guzzled back his drink. "What?"

She scowled and turned away, her attention drawing to the shadow that spread over them as InuYasha stood behind the large couch they sat upon.

"We should take off now." He stated lowly to no one in particular.

"What's the rush?" Miroku stretched his long sweaty arm over Sango and she quickly pulled it away from her in disgust and wiped the residual sweat from her neck.

InuYasha frowned. "I got some place I need to be, not to mention that Sesshomaru wants us at the Studio for interviews or some shit tomorrow morning."

Sango's head fell back in whiney exasperation. "Shit. I forgot about the photo shoots. Which means a very early morning."

Kouga groaned and kicked his feet up on the coffee table, much to Sango's disgust. "Man, I thought the life of a rock star meant we set our own schedule."

"Maybe." Kagome yawned once more and stood. "But got to make it as a rock star first." She looked up at InuYasha. "Ready to go?"

The singer nodded and headed out of the warehouse without a second glance.

Kagome turned to Kohaku. "Got everything?"

He nodded his head to his backpack by the couch. "Just need to grab a few things. Meet you out there."

"'Kay." She waved goodnight to her band and followed after InuYasha.

Once outside she breathed in deep the cool night air, her exhaustion ebbing some as she stared up at the blackened sky. The thought of cool sheets, soft mattress and her head hitting the pillow once she got home felt heavenly. It has been one heck of a week, and the following one was going to be just as manic. Kagome sighed. The life of a rock star certainly appeared easy, but then again no one ever mentioned the hard work.

InuYasha waited in the shadows by the car. His heart began to beat hard against his chest as Kagome's svelte figure emerged from the warehouse. The light from inside reflected off her perfect face as she gazed up at the heavens. His throat seemed to constrict, clogging any words from forming at his mouth. Good thing he had no idea what to say to her or else he'd be screwed.

She let out a soft sigh and turned her gaze towards him and smiled. God, she was beautiful. How was it possible that he never admitted it before? He pulled his eyes away from her to look at the car door as she approached to unlock the vehicle beside him. The soft breeze lifted a few strands of her hair and the scent of her heated body caressed him for a bare moment. The smell of her salty sweetness triggered his whole body alert. His mouth watered at the desire to run his tongue along her neck and follow the taste to her most secret areas. He felt his eyes go hazy and it was near impossible to control his body from leaning closer to hers as she unlocked his door.

She glanced up at him and gave a soft grin before she turned to head to her side of the car, not even noticing how close he was. His numbed body stood rooted as he watched her unlock her side of the car before he shook himself alert. What the hell was he doing? One look from her and he loses all control? This was dangerous ground he was treading on he thought as he slid into the passenger side. It was better that he avoided her as best he could on the way home.

Yet even his rational thoughts could not keep his body in check. His eyes danced up and down her form as she got in, swiftly turning away when she leaned closer to him to turn on the ignition. God, she smelled good. He wanted nothing more than to pull those sweet lips into his own and taste the nectar only she could provide.

He groaned silently to himself. How the hell was he going to just sit next to her when he couldn't even keep his mind off wanting to take her like a wild man? But that sort of clinched it, didn't it? He knew this was what he really wanted.

His eyes drifted up to gaze at her profile. Oh god yes he wanted. It was just a matter of taking the risk. He just wondered if she could accept him for what he was and not expect anything more than that. There were some things he just wasn't able to give.

He breathed in and out for a few moments, collecting every arrogant nerve in his body before he found the ability to speak. "Kagome, I…."

The back doors opened forcefully as Kohaku and Kouga fell into the back seat behind them.

"Man, when Sango gets tired, she gets scary." The teen shivered as he gazed out his window to the warehouse.

"Remind me not to take her last beer ever!" Kouga's wide eyes turned briefly away from the scene to chug the last of his beer. "I'm pretty sure Miroku's ears will be bleeding for weeks with the amount of yelling she was doing."

Kagome blinked surprisingly at Kouga's presence before following his gaze. "Oh dear, should we go in and…?"

"Just drive." InuYasha grunted, his voice sounded very brisk and cold.

"But…?" Kagome's soft eyes turned to him uncertainly.

InuYasha's face turned dark as he stared hard out at the alleyway in front of them. "Don't get involved."

"Believe me, Kags," Kouga stated quickly. "It's best we go. Miro can handle it, he's been on that end of the stick many times."

Kagome frowned but pulled out of the warehouse parking lot to the street. It was clear that the argument should best be forgotten, and forgotten it was as the two guys in the back started to talk music and models, yet Kagome couldn't help but wonder what had turned InuYasha's mood so sour within that amount of time. She chanced glances at him from time to time as she headed through the city, yet the singer refused to say one word the whole trip. He didn't even glance up when Kouga got out of the car to head to the loft he shared with Miroku. It was like he was a dark shadow, something that didn't want to be seen yet hard to miss.

It was a semi silent ride to InuYasha's apartment. Kohaku prattled on about his visit with Sango and all that they talked about and did. Kagome did her best to listen and keep the conversation steady, yet the frigid stance of the man sitting beside her made it near impossible. Instead she let the boy talk, all the while acting like things were normal, though she wished desperately that she could talk privately to InuYasha. She hated to see him like this.

She barely stopped at the curve by his apartment before he grunted his thanks and opened the door. Her hand snapped out quickly, grabbing his before he could get out. "InuYasha…?"

He stopped and turned in his seat to look at her with an unrecognizable expression. Kagome's mouth opened slightly. If she had to guess, she would almost think he wanted to kiss her if it wasn't for the lost expression behind his eyes. Her eyes fluttered down to his lips and her senses took in the soft outline of them before blinking back to reality. This was InuYasha, he couldn't possibly want her… could he?

InuYasha's eyes roamed her face for a few moments, mesmerized by the haze that seemed to cover her blue irises, before his gaze flicked to Kohaku who was watching them curiously in the back seat. He quickly pulled his hand from Kagome's and gave a contrite frown at her surprised face. "See you tomorrow."

With that he got out of the car and bee-lined to his building, refusing to look back when he heard her car pull away and drive off. Slumping his shoulders, he opened the door and headed up to his apartment.

Where the hell did those guys come from? Why didn't anyone mention she was driving them home? He growled low as he jammed his key into his lock. Fuckers! His one last chance to be alone with her and it gets blown.

Bah, what does it matter anyways? Maybe it was better off. It saved him the humiliation of getting turned down. He growled louder as his key refused to turn and he jimmied it hard within the lock.

It wasn't like he had anything profound to say. It wasn't like it mattered that she found out he liked her. Not like she would have said yes to a date or some shit. Hell, he didn't date anyways! Maybe all he needed, he thrusted his shoulder against his door, was one, BANG, long, BANG….

"Fuck!" He yelped as his door whipped open and he nearly fell into his apartment.

Steadying himself, he flicked the light on and stopped still. The faint smell of cigarette smoke hung heavy in his furniture and drapes and the scattered remains of butts and mouldy food littered the area. It was as familiar as the messed up DVD collection, boxes of empty beer bottles and the dirt that was smudged in his hardwood floors. Everything was as it should be, but for some reason it felt wrong, like it was missing something.

Sighing, he tossed his keys in the can on the end table and stepped heavily into his living room. His eyes grazed down at the sofa to see the soft blanket he woke up under only hours before. The pale crumpled up blanket wasn't extraordinary, it wasn't even unsoiled as he surveyed the tattered corners and frayed edges. But it held more weight than anything else in his apartment. He wrenched his eyes from the material and stalked quickly to his bathroom. Maybe a shower would make him feel better before he went to bed.

The pounding spray of the warm water did little to settle his nerves and he was quick to finish cleaning his hair before he shut off the water and stumbled out of the tub. What the hell was wrong with him? He rubbed a towel furiously over his body and through his hair. It was just a fucking blanket!

He threw the towel in the corner and wrenched the bathroom door open, ignoring the cool air that latched on to his naked flesh as he headed to his bedroom.

Just because some girl shows him an ounce of kindness doesn't mean his whole world needs to turn upside down. Plenty of women did things for him. He never got sentimental over them before. Honestly, why is this any different? He grumbled low to himself. Fuck it. Out of sight, out of mind. All he wanted to do now was sleep.

He stopped short when he reached his bedroom door as if a poisoned barrier kept him at bay. His eyes raked slowly over the room, taking in everything he had missed last night. The red sheets splayed haphazardly over his bed and a sour smell of something foul lay in the air. His brow furrowed in revulsion. Flashes of Kikyo's distorted face came to mind as she tore and ripped into him in a means of foreplay.

He unconsciously stepped back, repulsed by everything in that room. He could almost feel her around him now and he felt sick. Hard goose bumps rose on his flesh and his stomach churned. He clutched it unconsciously and grimaced slightly, quickly looking around to see a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt on the floor. He swiftly put them on, feeling awfully exposed and disgusted at that moment. His plans for going to bed were dashed. The room felt haunted and he knew he'd never be able to sleep in there tonight.

Scowling bitterly, he walked out into his living room at a loss of what to do. Unconsciously he peered down at the blanket hanging lopsided on his sofa. His steps slowed as he neared the couch, his eyes never once leaving the thin material. Did it still smell like her, he wondered.

His hand reached down for it before he realized what he was doing and he swiftly pulled his arm back. He was being an idiot! She was just here one damn night and they didn't even do anything! Damn it! Plenty of girls spent the night. It wasn't like it was a momentous occasion!

Then why the hell did he feel so… lonely?

He scowled. Damn it! He wasn't lonely! He'd been on his own since he was thirteen. One night of … of whatever they did last night would never change his attitude. He was a loner. He took care of number one. He didn't need some chick to coddle him! He was a rebel and he took what he needed, when he needed, and he didn't need anyone, let alone some wide-eyed virgin with a mission statement.

He snorted at his lapse and headed to the kitchen to grab a beer and some chips to settle in front of the television. Blanket be damned!

His body slowed to a stop as his eyes settled on the kitchen table. Left over pancakes lay cold and slightly stale on their stack. The maple syrup had caked on like glue and the chocolate drops that were so warm and liquid this afternoon were now solid stains on the plates he and Kagome ate from. His eyes raked over the food for a full minute before he swore under his breath and marched out of the kitchen, grabbing his keys and boots before he thundered out the door. He couldn't stay in this place. He needed to get out. He needed fresh air.

He needed….

-+-

Kagome sighed as she pulled the towel from her hair and began to rake a brush through it. Her shower hit all the right spots to relieve her aching muscles and yet did little to soothe her tired mind. What happened tonight? What was he thinking? Her brushing slowed to a stop and she stared dumbly at her bed. If she didn't know any better, she would almost think he wanted something from her. She frowned. But that wouldn't be right at all. InuYasha had made it clear from day one that he would want nothing from her. Maybe… her saddened eyes dropped to the floor. Maybe she just wanted him to want her.

Groaning, she fell front first like a rag doll onto her bed, tossing her brush to the side and stretching out so that her arms and legs reached all corners of her bed. She knew he was putting up a front. She could easily let that slide, but there was a part of him that walked like a mysterious stranger, the part she wanted so desperately to touch because it was so raw and real. She closed her eyes against the idea, pained because what she wanted was something that he would allow no one to touch.

She moaned into her pillow. She just wished she could have talked to him before he ran off. Something was definitely wrong and she couldn't stand to see any part of him suffer. Yet if she knew one thing about InuYasha it was that he would never admit any weakness he felt, not outright anyways.

Kagome opened her eyes tiredly. If she were to find out what he wanted, she would have to listen in a different way. If only she was given the change to hear.

Ayame giggled as she walked into their room, tying her hair up into a ponytail for the night. "Rough night?"

Kagome shook her head and rolled over onto her back. "Try rough month."

"Hmm." The redhead grinned. "And I'll bet it'll keep getting better and better."

The drummer snorted and flicked off her bedside light. "I'll settle for boring and uneventful for the next eight hours."

Ayame giggled and moved to shut off her light when something out their window caught her attention. She quickly turned off her light to see clearer and peered heavily out into the night, her eyes widening in slight surprise.

Kagome opened a bleary eye, unaccustomed to the silence of the woman beside her. Seeing Ayame gazing intently out the window, she twisted stiffly onto her side. "What're you staring at?"

Ayame shook her head and grinned naughtily down at her friend. "Nothing. Just happened to look out at the corner to see a certain silver haired motorcyclist. He seems to be waiting for something… or someone."

"What?" Kagome frowned in confusion as she quickly got up and joined her roommate at the window.

Her eyes narrowed into the night, trying to see through the darkness to the street corner up the road. Through the slight din of the streetlight, she could just make out a red Harley humming idly by the curb. A plait of long silver hair of its driver could just be seen through the haze of the artificial light.

"InuYasha?" She whispered to herself, her eyes widening in shock.

Ayame bit back a knowing grin. "Now why do you suppose he's all the way on this side of town?" She turned to make fun of Kagome but saw the girl quickly put on a pair of pyjama pants and a sweater. "Where're you going?"

"I have to make sure he's all right." Kagome hopped up and down as she struggled to put on her socks.

"Kagome!" Ayame's mouth opened in shock. "You're not seriously going out there?"

Kagome quirked a brow up at her friend. "You're chastising me? May I remind you of a midnight rendezvous with Ginta when a certain someone was sixteen?"

Ayame's shock turned into a wickedly delighted grin. "I wasn't chastising, I was impressed!" She flicked her eyes up and down Kagome's clothes. "I just didn't want you to go out like that!"

Kagome rolled her eyes as she slipped on a pair of blue Keds. "It's not like I'm going to run off with him. I just want to know why he's here."

"Mmhmm." Ayame turned her nose away and gazed out the window. "Well, you'd better find out fast, it looks like he might be changing his mind."

But the sentence fell on deaf ears as Kagome rushed silently down the stairs and out the door without a second thought.

-+-

InuYasha mentally slapped himself for what felt like the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. He didn't know what possessed him to drive across town to land directly on Kagome's street, nor did he know the reason why he now idled as if waiting for something to happen. His eyes flicked up when the last light in the house turned off. Perfect, now what the hell was he supposed to do?

He frowned contritely. If he were a real man, he'd just go up to the damn house and demand to see her. Of course, if he were a real man he'd know she was most likely in bed and she'd think he was crazy to come by at this time of night.

Maybe he could just call her cell and see if she was awake.

He groaned under his breath. And say what? 'Hey Kagome, I'm outside stalking your house, wanna come out?'

Well, he could just call to remind her of the time and place they were to meet tomorrow. He could say that he was calling everyone to remind them so it wouldn't seem he was singling her out. He wouldn't sound completely moronic then, would he?

Oh fuck this! He growled low. This was a stupid idea to begin with. He was being a complete moron and he knew it. He was better off going home. He lifted his body up in preparation to kick-start the engine when a soft voice broke his action.

"InuYasha?"

His head whipped up so quickly he nearly winced. Golden eyes moved quickly up and down Kagome's flannel clad form, almost as if trying to prove she really was there before he turned away in alarm. She wasn't supposed to know he was here! Damn it, he was completely screwed. How the hell was he going to explain this?

He groaned internally. When in doubt, be an ass.

"Keh, why the hell are you here?" He snorted.

Kagome glanced up and down her street, huddling her hands deeper inside the arms of her sweater against the damp air. "Um, I was about to ask you that."

He was thankful that he had looked away, or else she might see the slight flush of embarrassment tracing across his nose. Fuck, he hated himself right now.

"I just wanted to get out." His pale eyes flicked over to her and back. "Got a problem with that?"

Kagome shook her head though he couldn't see. "I thought maybe you'd forgot something in the car or whatever. But if you don't need me, I guess I'll go back inside."

InuYasha winced. Damn, that would have been a great excuse. He turned when he heard her soft footsteps move away. Damn it, she's walking away! Say something! Anything!

"Shit!" He hissed out venomously.

"What?" She turned and stared at him in confusion.

InuYasha's mouth floundered before his face turned away contrarily. "Nothing."

Silence permeated the night sky, broken only by the distant honking of a car horn. InuYasha sat heavily on his Harley and looked everywhere but at her. Why was she just standing there like that? Wasn't this awkward enough without her staring at him? His mind was screaming, wishing for anything to happen before her sigh broke the choking air.

"Can I go for a ride?"

He started and turned to stare at her in disbelief. "What?"

Her cheeks darkened slightly under the streetlight as she pointed to his bike. "You just wanted to get out. Since you're here I had hoped maybe…." She shrugged, her blue eyes looked almost indigo as she looked away. "But if you have to go, I'd understand."

"Uh." The singer barely understood what she was asking. He turned to look up the street then back at her. She seriously wanted to go for a ride? There was no way he was willing to let people on his bike just because they wanted a fucking ride! He struggled to hold his senses at bay before he blurted out unconsciously. "Um… where did you want to go?"

He internally winced. 'Smooth, jackass, real smooth.'

The easy smile that brimmed on her face made all thoughts jump out the window as his heart somersaulted in his throat. He watched entranced as her eyes lowered in thought.

"Um…. Well, there's a spot just outside of town that I know of. I can show it to you. It's not far, maybe a fifteen minute drive?"

He cast his eyes up the road once more before he slowly nodded. "Fine." He straightened his back in an attempt to gain his cool and flicked his head to the back of his bike. "As long as it's quick."

She nodded and scrambled onto the seat, her small hands gripping into his shirt to get balanced before her slender arms circled around his waist and her warm body nestled perfectly against his cool back. It took everything he had to keep from leaning back to feel more of her and breathe in her heavenly scent.

"Head up this road and get onto the north highway." Her voice cut into his thoughts.

He gave a small grunt in acknowledgment before kick-starting the engine and heading out of town, neither noticing green eyes gleaming mischievously from an upstairs window.

Within twenty minutes Kagome had led InuYasha to a secluded park that was gated off to visitors. The park was obviously closed. In the dark haze of the summer's night it looked almost formidable. Frowning at the closed gate, InuYasha manoeuvred the bike around the dirt lot as if to leave before her warm breath tickled his cold ear.

"Park here, we'll have to walk the rest of the way."

He complied and parked the bike, turning it off rather reluctantly. Cool air rushed against his back as Kagome slid off, leaving him suddenly aching for her comfort as she moved away. It was nice having her against him, especially in this eerie area. Scowling at his uneasiness, he slowly got off the bike and looked warily around.

"What is this place?"

"It's an ancient shrine. My grandfather brought me here many times when I was a child." Kagome answered softly as if her voice would disturb even the smallest blade of grass. "The monk that ran the temple died many years ago, and the city didn't have the funds to keep the shrine open. So here it rests. It's been empty for almost fifty years."

"And you like to hang out here?" He gave her an uncertain glance.

Kagome giggled. "Well, never at night, but I'm sure it's just as beautiful now as it is during the day. Come, I'll show you." She took his hand and led him into the park, disappearing into the foliage of the weeping trees that grew almost as if entwined with each other.

InuYasha was practically blind under the shadowed canopy, guided entirely by Kagome's touch, yet he never stumbled or hit anything along the way. He wouldn't have noticed anyways. His hand was gripped so warmly and tenderly in hers that it was hard to notice anything else. Eventually they made it out of the grove of trees to stand on an ancient looking walkway made of flat stones separated by brimming green moss.

Kagome's hand pulled gently away from his, making him finally aware of their surroundings. He looked guardedly around as she walked out into a courtyard shrouded in faint moonlight before turning back to him.

"This was the central garden." She lifted her hand revealing the various overgrown flowers whose blossoms were closed tight against the chill of the night before pointing to a place strewn with ivy. "And through there is what I wanted to show you."

InuYasha's eyes danced quickly over the courtyard, taking in the various plants and stone engravings of the small wooden shrine before he followed her finger to a large wooden archway. It was gripped by dripping ivy and hanging blossoms and looked almost as if those plants were the very things holding it together. Beyond the barrier of the frame it looked pitch black and it gave him an ominous feeling.

His eyes flicked from the archway to Kagome and back. "We're not seriously going in there are we?"

Her brow lifted and her lips turned in a teasing grin. "Why? Are you frightened?"

He scowled. "No! But this place is old. I'm not about to risk my neck falling into some well or something."

Kagome snickered. "The groundskeeper still works here during the day. He keeps it up to par. This site is still public during the day, so there isn't anything to worry about. It's not…haunted." She gave him a wry smirk.

InuYasha's scowl deepened. "Funny. So are we going in there or not?"

She cast her eyes to the archway. "Well, it's what we came for." She stepped lightly to the doorway where her hair was quickly buffeted in the wind that blew up from the other side of the arch. She shivered in spite of herself.

InuYasha smirked as he came up behind her and bent low to her ear. "Scared?"

She turned and her brilliant blue eyes stared into his like twin diamonds. "Not anymore," she whispered then disappeared into the shadows of the archway.

InuYasha's chest constricted at her words, stunned at what they could mean, but had not the courage to ask. Scanning his eyes once more over the wooden archway, he stepped inside to barely make out a small flight of stairs heading down. A canopy of flowering ivy acted as a roof to the passageway, letting in just a small fraction of light to see his way down. His gaze quickly grew accustomed to the frail light only to find that Kagome was nowhere in sight.

Frowning, he quickly headed down the stairs, keeping his hand against the wooden wall to follow it to its end. It wasn't more than twenty feet when he arrived at the shore of a softly lapping, black lake where he stopped still.

He stood silent in slight awe at its serenity and haunting tranquillity. Several trees and flowering bushes dripped down to its surface, and the moist foggy wind scattered wilted white petals of moonflowers upon its surface before they sank like dying stars. A fine mist swirled above the water and spread out into the dank distance, creating a very desolate and secluded haven.

A soft hush echoed over by his side and InuYasha gazed to the shoreline at his right to see Kagome sit quietly down on a stone bench a few feet from the edge.

A tender breeze lifted the fog-spotted silkiness of her hair and the smell of wild lilies barely hinted against his nose from the lake. He watched silently as she gazed out distractedly at the water, yet her eyes seemed to be seeing within. She looked so peaceful, like a fallen angel waiting for the end of time.

Breathing slowly out, InuYasha stepped carefully over the dew-stained walkway to the soft grass where she waited, anxiously hoping not to make a sound that would break the silence that touched everything. He looked down at her a few moments before he sat quietly next to her and stared out at the lake, unsure what to say or do now that he was there. Time seemed to pass without words, and he became more and more aware of her warmth that flickered against his chilled skin like a small light in the darkness.

A soft sigh mingled into the night as Kagome shifted closer to his body and InuYasha tensed as her soft sweater grazed the hairs on his bare arm. Every hint of a touch made him hyperaware and it took everything within him not to move to feel her more fully.

Unknowing to his inner turmoil, Kagome leaned forward enough to better see the edge of the water by the slope of the grassy knoll.

"It's beautiful." She turned her heavenly eyes up at him. "Don't you think?"

InuYasha turned to meet her gaze and nodded once. Very beautiful.

"I come here whenever I need to think. It's the perfect spot to put things into perspective." She drifted her gaze around the lake, taking in the outline of forest and bramble on the other side. "During the day it's a sanctuary for many who are searching for answers, using its power to bring inner peace, but tonight… tonight it's as it should be. No offerings, no bells, no prayers, just the lake, the land and the sky."

She slowly closed her eyes and breathed in the cool night air. InuYasha watched her for a long moment before turning to look out at the rippling water where his eyes unconsciously observed a leaf float by like a boat on the waves. He had to admit, this place was nice.

He lifted his nose slightly to breath in the fresh air, enjoying the small rush as the cooling wind filled his lungs. When was the last time he smelled a lake or flowers or … his gaze turned to Kagome on the sly… the smell of sweet mist?

Almost as if she knew the desire of his thoughts, she tilted her head slightly to better see a bubble on the water, bringing her vanilla fragrance closer to his senses. His eyes shut involuntarily and he had to grip the seat below him to keep from reaching out and bringing those tresses to his eager nose and mouth, aching to breathe and feel her softness.

A soft giggle from Kagome brought him out of his stupor and he blinked heavily out at the onyx lake in front of them, slightly embarrassed at his lack of composure. Yet thankfully Kagome didn't seem to notice.

"This place still reminds me of my grandfather." She looked up at him fondly. "He often brought me here. He always wanted me to get into my family roots. He thought I had some sort of priestess power and was destined to carry on our Shrine duties." She flushed. "But I thought he was being crazy. I had other things in mind. School, friends, boys…."

InuYasha bit back the tang of jealousy in his gut and he stared contritely out at the water without saying a word, though his ears strained to pick up every word she spoke.

"I didn't believe in the old ways. I didn't want to carry that responsibility. I just wanted to be a teenager." A corner of her lips dipped down in a slight frown. "I often ignored his stories and legends. And I was so ashamed when he brought out trinkets and sutras he said warded off demons to show the tourists. He was always dallying in the weirdest things." She gave InuYasha a wry glance. "He gave me a kappa hand for my fifteenth birthday, or that's what he thought it was. To me it looked like a grizzled monkey paw. It was so gross."

InuYasha lifted a brow though he could not bring himself to look at her. "Well, if that doesn't say love nothing will." He muttered sarcastically.

Kagome busted into giggles. "It wasn't love that he spouted when he found out I gave the paw to my cat Buyo. Nor was my mother happy at the surprise Buyo left all over the living room after he ate it."

InuYasha snorted on a laugh and flicked his eyes out at the water. "At least it was a birthday you wouldn't forget."

"No." Her smile faded. "That day would be impossible to forget."

InuYasha glanced over at her subdued face and frowned. What the hell happened? Was it something he said? He gripped the stone seat beneath him, unsure what to do now. He was never good with these types of situations. In fact he made it a point to leave before these situations came to this point. But for some reason he couldn't possess himself to go. Instead, he let out a deep breath.

"So… what's the point of this place?"

Kagome blinked out of her thoughts and looked up at him. She shrugged slightly. "It's a place to find yourself."

InuYasha frowned in confusion. "Find yourself." He repeated disbelievingly.

Kagome nodded. "Of all the stories and things my grandfather did, taking me here was my most favourite. When we came, we would just walk in silence. I'm sure my grandfather expected it to be a place where I would meditate on my life and my direction, but to me, it was a place that I shared with him. Here, we wouldn't argue about the past or expect anything about the future. It was just being in the now and letting ourselves be ourselves."

InuYasha watched her warily from the corner of his eye as she stared out at the water. Her face held no pretences or accusations towards him, nor did she seem to hold a hidden agenda. It was as if she really meant what she said.

He began to ease somewhat and let his eyes wander once more around him, taking in the outline of the small forest and gardens. The place did seem to hold a sense of space where time stood still. The past and future didn't fit here, and as he sat did he notice how quiet it really was. No sound of traffic or city life marred the night, no smells of carbon or industry or tar, and no signs of garbage or human activity, aside from the bench they sat on, touched any part of this place. It was a place out of reality, as if it was unknown to the world outside. It was a piece of Japan, its true piece, hidden behind the steel and walls that were built all around it.

The pure heart of it all, InuYasha blinked in amazement before Kagome's voice brought him back to where they were.

"It's the silence." She murmured. "It makes even the smallest thought loud enough to hear." She turned to look up at the shrine behind them, hidden behind the whips of the willow trees. "So when people come here, they can't avoid the silence, and they can't avoid their own thoughts. It's rather hard to avoid yourself when you're the only one talking. It's a good place to find one's self."

InuYasha frowned suddenly and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Is that why you brought me here? You thought I needed to find myself?" He knew there had to be a reason.

Kagome's eyes drifted down from the shrine to gaze directly into him, making him sit back slightly in silent rebuke even though she held no animosity in her expression. She shook her head softly. "No." She turned her face out towards the lake. "To be honest I've never brought anyone here before."

He sat up slightly and leaned closer to her, feeling an odd sense of pleasure at her saying that. "Really?"

A shy smile spread across her lips. "You're the first."

And hopefully the last, a small voice rang from his gut. "So why did you bring me?"

Kagome blushed slightly and she refused to look up at him. "I don't really know. When I saw you tonight, it just felt like a place we needed to go. I felt we needed a change." She tilted her head slightly and a sense of tranquillity poured over her expression. "Incipit vita nova."

InuYasha's brow furrowed as he looked up at her. "What does that mean?"

Her eyes fell to the grass below yet the small smile remained on her lips. "It was something my dad used to say before he died. No matter what the day had brought him, no matter the pain he had to suffer or endure, he would wake up the next morning and say it to himself. It means 'Here begins a new life.'"

InuYasha stared down at her in confusion. Her father? She never spoke of him before. Until then he had assumed her mother was divorced or something. His eyes lowered shamefully. Yet another thing he never bothered to know about her. And even now he was too much of a coward to ask.

"I never understood what that meant until now." She whispered.

"What does it mean?" He murmured in spite of himself, unsure of what to do other than let her speak.

"That what was can never be again." Her tranquil eyes captured his own. "And what is should be as is… every moment a new beginning."

A new beginning. How easy she made it all sound. He just wished that it was at all possible. Making a new beginning meant letting go of an old life and there was no way he could make a new anything when he had to live his past mistakes.

He shook his head and snorted as he stood up to glare down at the water's edge. "Sounds nice and all, but in the real world nothing changes." His face turned tired yet stern. "No matter how much you want them to."

"I guess," her voice sounded so soft that he almost missed it within the summer night breeze. "But maybe change can only be seen if the heart of the beholder has changed."

"I doubt it." He growled. "You think too much of people. People don't change unless they have to."

"Perhaps." Kagome mused as she searched his taut back. "But when it happens, it happens without them even knowing."

"That fast, huh?" He scowled sourly down at the water.

Kagome nodded and looked up at the sky. "Change hangs by a moment."

InuYasha stayed silent as he stared down at her reflection in the water before he blinked slowly and turned away. What she was saying was true to a point, change was inevitable. But how many had the ability to change on a whim? Could he change? He wanted to, but what sort of man would he be when, in order to survive, he had to be a man that felt nothing at all?

He softly kicked a small pebble into the mirrored surface of the lake, distorting his reflection before it settled into the mirror shean once again. For as long as he was able he never let anything in. Hell, he spent his whole life trying to take everything out. And it made him into a creature that had no ability to change, even if he wanted to. No matter what he made himself to be on the outside, he would be exactly who he was on the inside – distrusting, cold….

Lost.

He gazed around the small haven that shrouded the circular pool. Iron, steel and concrete surrounded this place, protected it, kept it from harm - to a point where very few even knew about it. Because of it, it would always remain untouched, uncut, and unhurt. His eyes scanned the rim of the tree tops before falling to the lake below. Wasn't it better that way?

Wasn't it better to keep the heart locked away, so nothing could ever take advantage of it or destroy it? His eyes drifted solemnly to the woman's reflection once more. Even if it meant keeping people out?

He mentally shook his head. He couldn't be like her. He couldn't be what she wanted. To change his heart would mean he would first had to open it. He could be nice to her, he could try to act the part of himself, be the man he was that only his friends knew about. But they never knew his heart. It was a cold black pearl, unable to be broken, unable to be manipulated….

His eyes drifted up to meet heavenly blue as Kagome came to stand beside him and he felt his heart pound against its cage, igniting a feeling he wanted so desperately to suppress.

A feeling he wanted so desperately to grab a hold of.

No…. He shut his eyes and turned his face away. This couldn't be real. He was unable to love or be loved in kind. He convinced himself of that long ago. It was the reason why his life had to be this way. Without love there would be no pain. He would have complete control. Nothing would be able to tear him down, nothing would be able to find his weakness, and nothing would be able to see him for what he was….

His mouth parted slightly as he clutched his hands to his sides. But then again, nothing would be exactly what he was. He gazed longingly up at the woman beside him. He would be nothing if he gave up everything at that moment.

God, how the hell did he get here? How did it come to this? How did she get so far in? And how can he get her out? He should do what he should've done since he met her. Turn around and leave without a second glance.

Cerulean blue searched deep within troubled amber and a beautiful smile touched the edges of her silken lips. Her scent of sweetness and innocence enveloped him, making him want to fall into a place within her where he can be swallowed up completely.

He blinked slowly and let out a small breath as he cast his face down. Moist wisps of platinum hair fell from his shoulder to hide his face from view. Leave. That's what any coldhearted man would do right now. Leave without whim or care.

Too bad his heart now rested in the palms of her tender hands that lifted his rough chin to face her.

He raised his tepid gaze only to fall deep within her soothing grace, forever bound to her tender smile. His lanquid eyes slowly shut as warm, wet fingers brushed the twisted tendrils of his hair from his chilled cheek. The touch alone brought his true self closer to the surface than he had ever dared let it... and it felt achingly wonderful.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

_You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

Deep amber eyes opened to rest in waves of a tranquil blue sea. A place where only he could go, a place that was only his.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all that I can breathe is your life_

'_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

His face fell somewhat to the ground as a silent battle erupted inside his dungeon. Walls he had built shook as his craving for release undermined everything he created to hide himself away. Walls he wasn't ready to tear down for the sake of hope… blind and uncertain hope.

And I don't want the world to see me

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

I just want you to know who I am

A soft touch on his arm drifted his attention back to the woman before him. Her face was bared to the purpled sky. Her eyes were shut as soft drops of rain began to dampen her flushed cheeks and wavy blue-jet hair, gathering like rivers of tears over her paled but glowing face. She was the embodiment of all that was beautiful and wonderful in the world. It was hard to imagine anything could be less as he gazed upon her.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

Suddenly lightening flashed over them in a moment of false daylight and thunder peeled hard across the sky as the rain streaked down hard, drenching them to the skin. Kagome's gasp and wide frightened eyes turned quickly to one of desperate laughter as she clutched her hands onto his arms to hold steady against the torrent. Yet he never noticed the cold or the water, for all he could see was her.

And I don't want the world to see me

'_Cause I don't think that they's understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

I just want you to know who I am

The tugging of her hands brought him out of his stupor as she grabbed him and ran for the wooden walkway where they first arrived. Panting from exhileration, both huddled close to each other for warmth as they gazed up at the falling sky.

Small arms tightened around his waist and InuYasha looked down upon the dripping woman who's wide eyes searched the heavens for an end to its fury. She shivered silently under her waterlogged clothes and he instinctually wrapped his strong arms around her, gathering as much heat around her as possible, inadvertantly pulling her closer and harder against him. The smell of rain and her natural scent surrounded him like an aura. Something he never wanted to fade.

Softly, her face turned from the sky to look up at him. Shy eyes blinked the water from her lashes, but her focus never wavered from his. It was like she was looking upon the world, and he wanted nothing more than for to see him…all of him. He as he truly was.

He searched her eyes longingly, imploringly, before he tenderly pulled her wet tresses from her face and brought her damp lips to his in a tender kiss. He would be himself. If only for this moment.

Hot mouths opened to drink away the rain and taste each others' flavour. Desperation and want called from their souls, enough to heat their bodies like fire. Blue white flames flickered against red hot heat, enough to ingite a passion too long pent up, a passion that was wanting to entwine their beings but not quite able. Steam began to form between them, releasing into the night by their touches and breaths. Hands fisted hard into each others' clothing, trying desperately to hang on to one more moment and then another….

InuYasha panted hard against her mouth, trying greedily to gather his breath and kiss her over and over. He couldn't get enough and he knew then he didn't want to. He wanted this moment to last forever, and if he died kissing her, he knew he'd die without regret.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

I just want you to know who I am

The rain poured down, yet neither felt nor heard it. Two souls as they truly were, bound forever in a moment that would change them both without them even knowing.

And I don't want the world to see me

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am…._

-+-

But like all good things, it had to pass.

It was a quiet ride as InuYasha drove Kagome home. The rain had quickly subsided and the only sounds coming from the city were of the splashing puddles beneath the red Harley. The passing air chilled their exposed skin, but the heat of their kiss seemed to shield them from its touch.

Kagome rested her cheek against his back, barely seeing the moving buildings and cars as they passed. It was like she was in her own world, and all she could feel was overwhelming love and contentment.

She loved him. She couldn't deny it. She knew after tonight she never would. She loved his smell, his taste, his touch. But most of all she loved the soul of the man she finally felt tonight.

Her hands stroked unconsciously the front of InuYasha's moist shirt, her innocence not noticing the quivers and moans her tender touch created in him.

The kiss they had shared was intense. She never knew any touch could bring her to such heights. She thought for sure she could have gone on and on into forever until he stopped. But the look on his face told her that after tonight it wouldn't end.

Her eyes blinked slowly as the street they were on became familiar and she reluctantly lifted her head. All to soon the bike rumbled to a stop in front of the orphanage. Slowly, she slid from the bike and turned to face the man before her.

His hair was in tattered strands around his face, having been doused by a summer storm and then blown dry by the city wind. She had never seem him look more wild and untamed. Gorgeous.

She bit her lower lip as his eyes searched hers hungrily and he reached out for her. Smiling shyly, she leaned into his touch and met his lips in a soft kiss. It wasn't as electric or as wanting as the kiss they shared only an hour ago, but it still thrilled her like nothing else.

Moaning in regret, InuYasha slowly pulled away from her. His lips lifted in a slight grin at her drowsy eyes and flushed cheeks. He flicked his eyes over to the house and back. "Get some sleep or you'll be useless tomorrow."

Kagome gave him a wry smirk and smacked him on the shoulder. Even though they had shared something beyond recognition, there were some things that would never change. "Well if it wasn't for you, I'd already be asleep."

He chuckled slightly at her retailiation and kicked off from the curb. "Whatever. 'Night."

"'Night." Kagome smiled as she watched him ride off without a second glance. Yup. Some things never change.

-+-

InuYasha threw his keys tiredly into his can and slowly peeled off his boots. His eyes once more surveyed his apartment to land on the clock above his television. 1:13 am.

He moaned heavily. He knew he should head to bed, but he felt too animated to rest. Something strange happened tonight and he didn't know how to react. That kiss… his body seemed to tingle at the thought. He couldn't get enough and he knew that had he gone all the way it still wouldn't feel complete. He craved something he never knew existed and it was enough to drive him mad. What was it about that girl that stirred such unfamiliar stirrings? What the hell more was it that he wanted?

He swept his hair back in exasperation. She felt like she was in his blood and he could feel her heat pumping hard within his veins. She was an addiction, pure and simple.

His body shivered in pleasure as he remembered every touch she gave. It seemed to sooth the burn and chill he had felt for God knows how long. He felt… his tongue traced over the sweet taste of her on his lips…cleaner….

He snorted at his foolishness and he peeled his damp shirt from his hide. Cleaner. What an odd thing to feel. After sharing a fucking awesome kiss, one that he would have to admit was the greatest damn kiss he ever had, the best feeling he could describe about the after affects was 'clean.'

He dropped his shirt to the floor and frowned. But that's what it was. He felt like he was washed of every dirty mess he had gotten himself into. He felt sound, fresh… almost new. He lifted a hand and gazed at it a few moments, turning it back and front. Other than his skin looking white from the cold, it didn't look any different. But it felt different. He felt different.

Sighing, his eyes turned up at the mess of his apartment. Everything was as he left it but even this didn't feel the same, and because of her he knew it never would. It no longer felt right. It made him feel like everything was out of place.

His eyes fell onto the blanket on the couch and he gave it a piercing glare. Leave it for one damn night, one damn moment with that girl to make even his own apartment feel foreign.

Looking around once more he groaned in heavy resolution. There was no escaping it. It had to be done. Slumping his shoulders, he headed into his kitchen and pulled out a stiff rag and an ancient looking cleanser before he slowly went to work at cleaning, something he never thought he'd do.

But tonight he had a change of heart.


	28. Status

I thought I might post an update to let you know I'm putting Demons Within Us on hiatus for an extended amount of time. For how long I can't say.

Many things have kept me from updating, but the most serious happened on Friday when I gave birth prematurely to my son, Alex. He was born 2lb, 7 oz and is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. However, because he was born at 27 weeks gestation he will have to be in ICU until January, his expected due date. Since Friday my husband and I have gone on the worst roller coaster ride and there is no end of it in sight. So far, Alex is stable, breathes mostly on his own, (but also with the help of a respirator) and seems to be fighting very well to stay ahead. They say his odds are good, but there is no guarantee, and that frightens me the most. I wish the odds were 100, but even a fraction of it not being good makes it so hard to breathe where it feels every moment a portion of my life is being sucked away. In such a brief amount of time my son has become my entire world, my entire heart and soul. So many things are good, but when the bad happens it feels like my whole being is being ripped from my body.

So I ask you forgive me in not writing for awhile, but I also ask please to pray for my son, and all the babies that are in the NICU. I'm at least lucky to live nearby where I can see him everyday, but some mothers live hours if not days from their babies. So I ask you to send love to them, and to my son. Help them to heal to become healthy and wonderful babies.

And I also want to thank so many out there who give blood. Someone out there saved my son's life, and I hope if there is a heaven I can have the chance to know who did, because not enough gratitude would come close to how I feel. I also give thanks to those wonderful doctors and nurses and interns that never leave my son's side. And who do all they can to keep him with me. There is a God because of that, and because of all the wonderful people who have been there every step of the way. Love still happens, and I don't think I have ever felt it so strong or so amazingly pure as I have since I laid eyes on my son.

Thank you so much for reading and being there with me.

WDW


	29. Fallen Grace

"Okay, you're killing me here. Spill it!"

Kagome jolted out of her musings to flash startled eyes up at Sango. "What?"

Sango rolled her eyes and smirked as the make-up artist dallied with finishing touches on her face. Perdition had arrived early at the studio where Sesshomaru instructed for their photo ops, only to be accosted by several people paid to get them ready. Three mirrors lined the wall where the two women were sitting as they were prepped for their photo shoot. Behind them a barrage of swearing could be heard as the men were also given the same treatment in the joint room beyond. Ignoring a rather loud cuss from InuYasha, Sango continued.

"You've been going around with that dopey grin on your face, not to mention I've asked you three times to hand over my coffee. So tell me what happened."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kagome blushed as she handed over the hot beverage and turned to look back at her mirror, trying to act indifferent. She watched blindly as a petite man brushed her long hair into silken waves behind her back but her mind was thinking about last night. She tried hard to stifle her smile but it kept erupting.

Sango's smirk turned into a wicked grin and she slid off her chair to lean close to Kagome's face. "Did you and InuYasha…?"

Kagome's eyes widened and she whipped her eyes at Sango's reflection as what she was asking dawned on her. "No!" She looked sheepishly away. "Well, not really. Last night, we just… sort of…" her voice lowered shyly, "kissed."

Sango couldn't contain her glee as she grabbed her chair and scraped it right beside Kagome's. "Tell me everything."

A nervous but happy laugh leapt out of her lips and Kagome shook her head. "To be honest, I don't know how it happened." Her smile softened as she relayed her memory to Sango, blushing faintly as she drew towards the end. "We ran for cover under the terrace and just watched as the rain fell. I remember being so cold, until he held me tight to keep me warm. I never felt that way before with anyone. And when I looked up at him… we just… it was just…." She sighed as she turned to look at her friend, her blue depths swirling in exhilaration. "It was perfect."

"And?" Sango's chocolate eyes danced with eagerness.

"And?" Kagome teased and looked back to her reflection as the stylist finished up.

"What happens now?"

Kagome opened her mouth and stopped. She didn't honestly know. Even though they shared an amazing kiss, it didn't mean they were in a relationship. In fact, InuYasha had not even said a word to her ever since they arrived this morning. She caught a few glimpses from him now and then, but then again, it was such a mad rush getting ready that they never had time for anything else. Yet, as much as last night had meant to her, she couldn't help but wonder now just what it was for him. Was it 'something' or was it another game? The very idea made her heart pound painfully and her smile faded into a small frown.

Before Sango could prod, the waspish coordinator with her dark hair tied tightly in a bun came clicking over to them with the three guys in tow.

"We have only twenty minutes until the photographer is ready," her Norwegian accent was clipped and to the point. "That gives you enough time to dress in your outfits set up over there in the far corner. Enrique will help you with the fittings." She turned and nearly bumped into InuYasha as he halted suddenly behind her. Her dark frown nearly matched that of Sesshomaru's and the singer instinctively backed up one step to let her pass.

InuYasha watched as she walked by him and gave her back a hateful glare as she strode briskly away. Growling low, he turned back to his band where his gaze automatically found Kagome. All vile thoughts evaporated as his breath left him in a painful rush, a common occurrence as of late. But at this moment it was particularly brutal since the make up artist had transformed the innocent kitten into a hardcore minx. Her blue eyes shot out from a rim of dark dusty eye shadow. Her mouth looked ripe beneath the moist gloss that seemed to be brimmed with sweetness as she smiled up at him. It took all he had not to rush over and crush his mouth on hers, ravishing her until he was completely sated.

Cringing in disgust over his thoughts, InuYasha quickly turned his head away. Shit, he didn't think being near her would be this hard. She had a hold on him he never realized was so strong, and he needed to break it before it got too far. He'd be damned if he caved to her just because of a damn smile and a sexy style. But oh fuck, did she ever look good. He stifled a groan as his aching body betrayed his dire need. Temptation was a cruel bitch.

Kagome was just as taken. As soon as InuYasha entered the room she was hard pressed to look away. She had always thought him handsome, and though the hunted look created by his stylist made him look desirable for the media, he was still the man she had fallen for. Being in his presence alone made her fall in love with him all over again. Kagome couldn't help but smile brightly when he looked over at her, feeling as if they were the only two people in the room. But it rapidly faded when he turned away in distaste, making her lips part in confused hurt. For a moment she was certain he was happy to see her, but then he seemed to actively disregard her. She never had a chance to question it further before Kouga cut him from her view.

"Fuck, that was brutal." The bassist griped as he surveyed the dark make-up plastered around his eyes in the mirror, leaning in to dab at the paste.

"Oh, I don't know." Miroku tightened his leather glove around his right hand. "It wasn't all bad."

Kouga growled and turned his face sourly at his band mate. "That's because you had Trista. I had to deal with Attila the Hun."

"Trista?" Sango frowned as she eyed her boyfriend.

His grey eyes drifted casually up her form and Sango nearly shivered at the sexy violet markings around his lids that brought the heated steel from its depths. Whoever Trista was, she did good work.

Miroku was going to tease her jealousy over the grandmother who played with his hair and gave him a cookie, but he got captured in the smouldering look of his vixen. How anyone could possibly compare to the fire and ice of his woman was beyond him. Taking in her sheer straight hair and pink highlights around her eyes, he bit his lower lip in want, making her body take notice and respond in kind. "Mmm, San. You have no worries. I see only one worthy of taking my…."

A deep cough brought Sesshomaru into focus as he stepped into their group, breaking the tense situations that surrounded the band. Looking up from his palm pilot, he frowned at no one in particular.

"Your promoters were gracious enough to set up this advertising campaign for you, and I am sure they will not be happy paying for more time than necessary. It would be prudent to get this done so that I may get paid."

"What do you mean 'you'? We get the endorsements for whatever Perdition is involved in." InuYasha crossed his arms, but before Sesshomaru could retort he held up his hand and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. 'Need I remind you how much Perdition fucks me in the ass.'" He stated in a mocking interpretation of his brother's voice.

His elder brother lifted a brow. "Obviously you were paraphrasing."

"Obviously." InuYasha snorted before he headed to the far corner where the outfits hung. "Let's get this shit over with."

The rest of Perdition followed, wondering just what the promoters had in mind to post as their image. What lay there before them gave mixed results.

"What the hell is this?" Kouga held out a fur loincloth with matching leg muffs and sniffed it in disgust.

The rest of the band laughed and InuYasha held up a ragged leather strip and eyed it in confusion. "I hope they aren't expecting us to wear this shit."

"Not you." A short, fair man walked suddenly out the storeroom beside them and pulled the strip from InuYasha's grasp. He gave InuYasha a cold stare before he turned and put it against Kagome's chest, giving her a sly smirk. "Her."

Kagome's laughing smile fell in stunned shock as she looked down at the only thing she could label as a belt. "Uh…."

InuYasha was just as stunned as he envisioned the kinky top barely covering Kagome's tits and the idea of seeing parts of her fleshy bulbs made his throat run dry. Fuck yeah!

"No way!" Kagome shoved the 'top' away from her, her eyes widening in disbelief.

Enrique pursed his lips. "I'm sorry, my dear, but you have no other choice. It's what your advertisers want to see, and it's what'll sell." He thrust a black pair of cotton girl boxers and knee high boots along with the skanky top in her hands.

Kagome stared down at the outfit, looking a little sick.

"Shit, Kagome." InuYasha snorted indifferently as he was given a black rib t-shirt and designer jeans. "Don't make it look like a death sentence."

Kagome looked slowly up at him and the panic on her face was undeniable.

InuYasha opened his mouth to say that she had nothing to worry about, that she had an amazing body that she should show off, but he quickly shut it. Swallowing his conscience at what he was about to do, he gave her body a dirty leer and scoffed. "What's with the priggish bitch act anyways? You deformed or something? You know, some sick shits get off on that."

Pain erupted across Kagome's face before she gripped the clothing to her chest and looked quickly down to the ground.

InuYasha felt his chest constrict in confused misery. He hadn't expected that strong of a reaction for such a minor insult, but he couldn't very well act concerned. He cast his eyes around the group, expecting an attack for his callousness, yet all he received was uncomfortable frowns on their faces as they looked at each other. What the hell was with them?

"Oh for fucks sakes!" The singer rolled his eyes before turning to head to the men's change room. "It's for an ad! Not porn! Grow up!"

He stormed over to the men's room door and pushed it open furiously, letting it swing shut behind his troubled form. He knew he was out of line with Kagome, but he didn't have a choice. He had a front to hold up. But what he hadn't expected was the reaction from his friends. He was almost positive they would have stood up for Kagome as usual, but they looked almost sad for her, like what he said meant something. It was the first time she ever took something he said to heart.

He tossed his costume on the sink countertop in frustration and let out a hard sigh. He could have handled that better, he knew, but he had an image to uphold after all. And after last night….

His eyes shut as he leaned heavily over the sink.

Last night was the most perfect night of his life. He could still smell the mist in her hair and taste the rain on her lips. The very sensation made his mouth run dry and he wished desperately to drink from her again. But after last night he knew he could never indulge in her like that again. He was entering a place he realized he didn't belong.

Only free men would be allowed into that garden. And he had given up that right.

Looking up at the mirror he couldn't help but scowl at the image he saw. He was a coward, for only cowards would allow another to govern their own happiness. Before it wasn't a problem, for what he wanted was easily given. Drugs, sex, money…. But now not even Naraku could appease his hunger, yet the crime lord could still hold what InuYasha most desired away from him without even realizing he did.

After InuYasha had gotten home last night he had cleaned his apartment from top to bottom. Everything of his old life was now sitting in three large garbage bags on his veranda, all but one little piece of paper. It could have been so easy to toss were it not for the imprinted red flames in the shape of a spider that stood out like fresh blood. Naraku's calling card no doubt left by Kikyo. On it was his message: 'You owe me.'

Those three simple words obliterated any hope that he could live like a normal man. In that message all his doubts and fears he had pushed aside for the taste of happiness came washing back like a wall of ice. Naraku owned him. Him and everything he held dear; his money, his reputation, his honour - everything that made him worth a damn. Everything that made him worth Kagome's affections. That simple piece of paper reminded him of why he held back with her for so long. Naraku owned every part of him, except his heart, for he had nothing to love. Until now. Should Naraku find out about Kagome he knew the soulless devil would have more incentive against him. He could not have a weakness. He could not have another reason for Naraku to keep him chained.

But still…could he be without her?

InuYasha's gaze fell bitterly to the floor. What could he do?

The only thing he could do - the right thing. He had to let her go.

Sighing heavily, he donned his clothes, mindful of the make up on his face. He didn't bother to turn around when Miroku and Kouga entered. He was expecting a tirade of swear words from Kouga about how he treated Kagome, or even sound judgment from Miroku, but nothing was said. In fact, none of the three men said anything as they got changed. Yet through the mirror InuYasha could see that Kouga and Miroku cast gazes at each other from time to time. It was unnerving to say the least.

Finishing up tying his boot on the countertop, InuYasha gave a hard glare at his friends when they did it again. "Will you stop fucking doing that? If you got some shit to say to me then say it!"

Both men turned anger-filled eyes upon him but said nothing.

"Fuck it." InuYasha snarled before he turned to the door.

"You've got a huge fucking mouth, InuYasha." Miroku snapped while adjusting his trench coat.

InuYasha blinked in shock and turned around. Miroku rarely swore, and never in anger. Narrowing his eyes in defence, he shot back. "Fuck off, Miroku. She can't act like a fucking school girl forever."

"Regardless of what you think, what you said wasn't necessary." Miroku yanked on his cuffs as he gave him a hard frown. "You should show a little more tact towards Kagome."

"Pfft." The singer snorted. "Why the fuck should I?"

"Because." The guitarist tightened the leather glove around his hand before turning knowing grey eyes on his long time friend. "Not everyone is blind to how you really feel about her. You don't need to hide it behind harsh words."

InuYasha paled before he looked away in sickened fury. Fuck, he hated how perceptive Miroku was.

"I don't hide anything. I'm sick of her being such a frightened prude! Not everyone finds it as endearing as you do. Our promoters certainly won't."

Miroku rolled his eyes. "Is that what you're concerned about? Or are you still trying to mould Kagome into something you feel you're worthy to have? Because if that's the case…."

"I don't fucking care about Kagome! Damn it, I wish people would leave me the fuck alone about it!" InuYasha shouted and pointed a finger at the guitarist. "Stop pushing the damn bitch on me, okay. Don't fucking think you know what I want!"

Miroku's mouth opened then closed in a loss of what to say. Shock at what InuYasha had said was far less then the conviction the singer held in his eyes. It was hatred. Pure hatred.

InuYasha backed up to the door. "Why does everyone think she's so perfect?" He gave Miroku one last glare. "She can't save everyone." With that he turned and pushed himself out of the restroom, leaving two shaken men behind, not realizing to whom his hatred really laid.

InuYasha fumed silently to himself. His body was quaking terribly and it was hard to tell if it was from the fight he just had, or for the final action he needed to do in order to push Kagome from his life. But any thought of said action left him when the door to the women's room opened. He barely acknowledged Sango coming out before his eyes fell on the most beautiful woman in the world.

Kagome stepped out wearing a sleeveless, black body suit and tight girl boxers, but from the boxers hung a long flowing, royal blue, sheer skirt that swept over her rounded backside down the back of her thighs to her ankles. The front was exposed, leaving little to the mind's eye, showing off her long nylon legs before they were wrapped in leather calved boots. She was a siren, made to entice men to their doom and it made one particular man go feral as he marked the woman as his for life.

Kagome seemed rather uneasy at first standing there, and when she saw her band, more particularly InuYasha outside waiting for her, her discomfort turned into embarrassment. She quickly swept her hands over her behind, smoothing out any nonexistent wrinkles and making sure whatever adjustments Enrique made to her outfit were in place.

The designer in question moved quickly out from the bathroom behind her, causing InuYasha to break from his stare. Why the fuck was that little shit in the girl's room? All questions were erased by the look on Enrique's face, which set InuYasha's blood to boiling. It wasn't one of desire or appreciation, it was one of disgust and revulsion. It took all InuYasha had not to grab the little shit and beat him for everything he was worth. How dare he look at Kagome as if she were a leper.

Kagome, however, never looked back at the designer. Instead, she looked uncomfortably at the ground as he passed. Sango placed a warm hand on her shoulder in comfort while giving Enrique a deathly glare. In turn the drummer grinned shyly up at her before looking over at InuYasha's furious face.

Misinterpreting his anger, she shrugged softly and sighed. "The top wouldn't stay on. He had to improvise. Guess I'm more trouble than I'm worth, huh?"

InuYasha blinked, finally remembering the outfit that she was supposed to wear compared to what she had on. He was a little disappointed he couldn't see her dress like a sex slave, but it wasn't like he was missing anything from what she had on. It was like a second skin. His eyes chanced a glance at the erect nipples protruding through her shirt and he had to bite the inside of his lower lip when he imagined them in his mouth. Shit, just because he couldn't touch anymore didn't mean he couldn't look, right? Gazing back up into her eyes, he quickly frowned.

She barely looked up at him as she fidgeted with her clothing. If he didn't know better he would think she was keeping something from him. Was she lying about why she had to change? But why would she feel the need to lie about it? It wasn't like it was imperative she wore what Enrique chose. But looking at her worried expression, he knew there was more to it. Something else was up. He cast his gaze to Sango for answers, but she was still rubbing Kagome's shoulder before the coordinator caught their attention.

"You there. The photographer is ready." The woman's cold accent bit into them like a pick. "Hurry to the stage."

Perdition walked quickly to the stage but InuYasha followed slowly from behind. He couldn't take his eyes off Kagome's sexy ass and was rather intrigued by her shapely legs barely hidden by the dark sheer skirt. It was distracting, however, when she kept sweeping her hands over it trying to cover the back of her thighs, almost as if she was trying to keep him from looking. She was acting so strange. Was she that self-conscious of her body? She wore revealing clothing before. He frowned. Why would she feel so insecure now? What was it she was trying to hide?

"Taisho-sama."

InuYasha automatically snapped his attention over at the photographer, the matter with Kagome quickly forgotten as the man beckoned him onto the platform. It had been years since someone had called him by his honorific, and it did not settle well. Getting on the stage, he growled low to the cameraman.

"I'm called InuYasha. Taisho is that fucker over there." He nodded to the corner where Sesshomaru talked quietly into a cell phone. "Got it?"

The older photographer blinked before he gave a slight shrug, the issue ignored as the man organized the band into several poses that would soon be plastered on posters, t-shirts and whatever else would be sold at the Hong Kong competition. From then on, it was nothing but business for Perdition.

It was a gruelling four hours during the shoot and InuYasha was quickly losing his temper. It was particularly painful when the photographer requested several photos of Kagome next to him. At one point Kagome had to straddle his leg and it was close to agony when he felt her thighs clench tight on him in an attempt to keep her balance. It might have been bearable if he didn't have to place his hand on her soft, warm ass to hold her tight against him. He was thankful that he didn't have to look at her during that time or he knew he'd buckle under his need of her. It was bad enough that she smelled incredibly delicious.

They barely spoke the whole time and rarely to each other. Whatever he did say to her was clipped and cold, causing her glow to fade until she barely smiled at all to anybody. By the time it was over, InuYasha was frustrated beyond belief and Kagome was now avoiding him. It was exactly what he was trying to do, but he never realized just how bad he needed to hold her, taste her, and see her smile. The subdued expression on her face didn't sit well with him and he hated himself for putting it there. If things were different he'd spend a lifetime making her smile. But that wasn't possible. He wasn't allowed.

After they broke for the day, InuYasha quickly washed and changed in the men's room, ignoring everyone around him. He even refused to speak to Miroku when he tried to make amends. The last thing he wanted was to have anyone make him feel better.

Stepping out of the washroom after he had finished, he was somewhat surprised to see Kagome waiting for Sango in her street clothes and without the heavy makeup. Agonizing enough, even without all the enhancements they made to have her features stand out, she was a vision. It was amazing how a relaxed pair of jeans and a Care Bear t-shirt could make someone look so perfect. Closing his eyes, he turned away from her.

He took his time as he waited for the rest of his band to finish changing and talked with a few reps that had come to watch the shoot. It was great to get so much recognition and attention from the promoters, but he had a hard time concentrating on contracts and numbers. His heart just wasn't in it as he unconsciously kept a silent vigil on his drummer. It came to no surprise to those paying attention when his gaze shot over at her when her cell phone rang.

InuYasha listened intently as Kagome spoke on her phone and scowled in jealousy as a small smile surfaced on her lips.

"What's that?" She plugged a finger in her free ear to listen more clearly into her cell and headed to a corner by the stage.

InuYasha excused himself from an agent, who was talking animatedly to Sesshomaru beside him, before he walked quietly over to Miroku and Sango who were sitting on the stage and conveniently close to Kagome.

"Tonight?" Kagome frowned and looked up, her eyes falling on InuYasha as he sat on the edge of the stage. Her voice lowered apologetically. "I don't know, Hojo. We might have practice…."

"No we don't, Kagome." Sango stated, her gaze snapping over at InuYasha and back. She gave her friend a small smile. "Go out tonight. Have fun. You deserve it."

Kagome's gaze flicked from Sango back to InuYasha. If his face showed the jealousy and yearning he felt, she must have not recognized it before she sighed into the phone. "Okay. I'll meet you there at seven? Okay. Yeah? Okay, I'll ask."

She lifted the phone from her ear. "He got tickets to go to 'Déjà vu.' He wanted to know if any of you wanted to go."

"'Déjà vu?'" Sango grinned excitedly. "The karaoke bar that just opened? How the hell did he get those?"

Kagome shrugged and laughed. "He said he won them in a radio contest. Interested?"

"Ayame going?" Kouga hopped his butt up onto the stage and grinned when Kagome nodded. "Count me in. Should be fun trying to get her up on stage again."

Sango looked at Miroku and both smiled.

"Yeah, tell him we'll go." Sango said.

Nodding, Kagome looked up at InuYasha. The question was written eagerly on her face but she hadn't the courage to ask.

InuYasha couldn't stop the feelings swirling around him. Hurt, betrayal, possessiveness, and anger. But he couldn't tell if it was over the fact that she accepted a date with Hojo, or the fact he had given the man the opening to take Kagome from him. He watched her anticipating eyes for barely a moment before he turned and kicked himself off the stage and walked away from her without a response. He didn't see the crestfallen look on her face, but she didn't see the pained expression on his.

Turning slowly back to her phone, Kagome forced a smile. "We've got another three to come. Yup. Sounds good. See you tonight. Bye."

Kagome clicked her phone shut and gave her friends a small smile as they chatted happily to themselves before she turned her head to watch InuYasha's back disappear around the corner, and again out of her reach.

-+-

"This place is great!" Sango laughed as she and Miroku flopped down on their chairs situated around a large round table. Both were panting hard from dancing to horrible singers on karaoke.

Ayame giggled and took a swig of Kouga's fresh beer he had just set down and waved off his disapproving frown. "What the heck were they singing anyways?"

"I don't know." Sango wheezed out an exhausted laugh and reached for her Purple Haze.

"I think it was either that one from 'Grease' or 'Dirty Dancing.' Either case, senior citizens should not dance like that in public." Hojo downed the rest of his beer and winced, trying to rid the memory.

"And how would you know what those songs were?" Eri gave him a wry glance.

"Are you kidding me?" Hojo rolled his eyes. "For my last three years at the orphanage I was the only teenage boy! And I was overrun by you five!" He glared at the majority of the girls around the table.

"Mmm. You made a good Johnny though." Yuka mused as she eyed him hungrily.

"Not so much a good Danny." Ayame laughed.

"Couldn't play the bad boy, huh?" Kouga smirked and lazily wrapped an arm around his girlfriend.

Hojo snorted out contritely. "It was more like I didn't have a car."

Kagome chuckled softly beside him and cast her eyes around each of her friends. Ayame, Kouga, Sango, Miroku, Ayume, Eri, Yuka and Hojo laughed and talked like they knew each other for years. It was such a wonderful night…almost. Kagome fell silent as her mind began to wonder.

"Kagome?"

Her eyes shot up at Hojo as he smiled at her.

"Want to dance?" He beamed.

Smiling brightly, she nodded and took his hand when he gallantly bowed and reached for her.

"My lady." The tawny haired man grinned.

"Kind sir." She laughed as she stood up to join him and they walked to the dance floor.

Kagome giggled and began to sway her hips to the fast paced music before she felt her body being pulled back into Hojo's embrace. He swung her around and placed her hands on his shoulders and slowly circled with her in his arms.

Kagome eyed him in question then grinned at the humour in his face as he waltzed to a bad rendition of 'Beautiful People.'

"I still make a better Johnny it seems." He smirked.

Kagome giggled. "Well, Hojo, at least now you have a car."

"Yeah, but with no back seat. Stupid energy efficient piece of crap." He dipped her low and brought her back up flushed and laughing. He held her tighter and waltzed around the grinding people surrounding them. His dark eyes met her happy blue. "Ah, there it is."

"There's what?" She smiled.

"That happy spark." Hojo grinned at her. "I was almost afraid someone stole it from you."

Kagome hummed. "Can it be stolen?"

Hojo pulled her closer. "Not if I can help it."

Kagome gave a small smile and pushed away from him, twirling out then back in, keeping him at a safer distance when she connected with his hands. Her eyes glanced to their table and she sighed. "You know… Yuka hasn't been out to dance yet."

Hojo blinked in confusion. He was dancing on cloud nine with Kagome in his arms and her subtle hint jarred him back to earth. He cast a quick look at their table and smiled. "She seems to have company now…." His boyish grin quickly faded and Kagome followed his gaze in question.

"InuYasha?" Her eyes widened as she stopped dancing.

"Kagome, don't…." Hojo tightened his grip on her but Kagome pulled away, giving him a reassuring smile before heading quickly to their table.

"InuYasha?" She smiled brightly as she drew near to her friends. "What are you doing here?"

InuYasha stood up slowly from leaning over a blushing Yuka. He eyed Kagome's form fitting jeans and sexy t-shirt before looking lazily up at her face. "I was invited, wasn't I?"

Kagome opened her mouth to answer but was quickly cut off.

"I'm afraid your ticket was given away." Hojo attempted to look apologetic but stopped trying when InuYasha gave him a scathing glance.

"As you can see, when you got a name for yourself you don't need a ticket." The singer reached for a drink containing bright red fluid on the table and took a sip, his eyes watching Kagome as he drank from her glass.

Kagome's mouth parted in surprised objection and sudden desire before it snapped shut at the bitter look on his face as he choked on a cough.

"What the hell is this?" He looked at her drink in disgust.

"Um…" Kagome peered at her drink, not really seeing it as she replied automatically. "Cranberry juice."

"What? You don't drink either?" He wiped his lips to rid the flavour that coated his poor tongue as he put her drink back on the table.

"I find alcohol is an acquired taste," she smiled and picked up her drink. She gave him a coy look. "I take it it's too strong for you?"

InuYasha's hand dropped from his mouth. He was fully intent on berating her, but the expression on her face held him back. The arch of her brow and hint of challenge in her sapphire eyes goaded his ego not to mention his dominating need. God, he needed to ravish that bitch.

"InuYasha." Miroku sighed, breaking the stare between the two. "Since you're here, you might as well pull up a chair."

InuYasha smirked, finally pulling his eyes from Kagome. "No, Miro. I have other 'pressing' engagements." He turned to look at a small group of women over at the bar as they waved sexily at him.

Kagome paled somewhat seeing the three women eye the silver haired Adonis with greed and lust. She felt suddenly sick, like a cold metal spike was drilled into her chest. She slowly looked back at InuYasha as he gave her a wicked grin then turned to head to the bar.

"Well, that's…interesting." Eri watched as InuYasha made it to the bar and began stroking the lower back of one of the women.

"Yeah, I thought you said he had a girlfriend, Kagome." Ayume looked over at her friend in confusion.

Kagome's mouth closed quickly and she struggled to smile, thankful the dance lights didn't reveal how pale she must have looked. "It seems he has several." Ignoring the concerned looks from her band mates, she turned to Hojo and let out a quick breath. "Well, shall we finish our dance?"

A large smile plastered on the man's face as he lead her back out onto the dance floor, enjoying the brief look of pure loathing from InuYasha from across the room.

The rest of the night passed by in a wave of turmoil for Kagome. Every time she managed to enjoy herself, InuYasha would show up in her line of vision, always with someone different. She was a bit grateful he never found someone he actually liked to spend the whole night with, but it didn't stop the hollow ache she felt knowing he didn't choose her. She was beyond confused. After last night she was sure he wanted her, but now it felt like he was slowly torturing her. It was obvious he was pushing her away again but she couldn't understand why.

She just wished the night would end so she could go home and bury away her pain in her pillow. She was tired, not having a good night's sleep in some time. But worst of all her heart hurt, and with it everything else. The strain must have shown since her friends did everything to distract her to make her happy. It was sweet of them, and she hated making them feel miserable, so she did all that she could to keep them laughing. It was the least she could do after all the issues she had with InuYasha.

By the time midnight rolled around, Kagome was starting to feel better. Maybe it was because Kouga finally convinced Ayame to sing or that Yuka managed to get a very buzzed Hojo to agree to go on a date. Or maybe it was because InuYasha was finally gone.

She hadn't seen him for over an hour and his presence was hard to ignore. She couldn't say she was happy that he was no longer around, but she was grateful she didn't have to see him with another. She didn't even want to question where he was or whom he was with, knowing the scenarios in her mind would far outweigh the truth. It was better off she not think of him at all, if that were at all possible.

But fate was too much like love. It controlled more than a person was willing to admit.

Stepping out of the busy bathroom, Kagome distractedly wiped the remainder of the ice Miroku 'accidentally' spilled on her shirt when she nearly bumped into a hard body.

"Sorry." She smiled apologetically up at the person and was stunned to see it was InuYasha. Her smile quickly faded. "Oh. Hi."

Tired eyes looked down at her before InuYasha turned his attention to the dance floor. "Hey." He said lowly.

"I… I thought you left." Kagome stepped to the side to let others get to the bathroom, inadvertently drawing closer to him.

"I'm just about to go." He glanced down at her in distain. "I didn't want to ruin your fine evening."

Kagome's mouth opened in hurt protest before she shut it and looked down. It wouldn't help to trigger his foul mood, and she rather let him hear the truth regardless of all that happened today. "You being with us would have made it better." She said.

Her voice was soft but InuYasha could have heard it in a hurricane. He blinked in surprised disbelief. After all that he did to her today, did she really still welcome him back? He looked away uncomfortably before he was jostled backwards by a drunk man on his way to the bathroom. He quickly regained his balance and gave the oblivious man a low growl before a small giggle erupted beside him. Turning back, InuYasha was amazed to see Kagome laughing up at him.

"Grr." She mimicked before her smile grew once again, along with that coy gleam in her eye. "You sound like a ferocious dog."

InuYasha's eyes danced up and down her form before he turned his head away in discomfort. Why couldn't she be like the rest of the women here? Overbearing and oversexed. Instead she was so refreshing and so beautiful and so…. He began to fidget in his jeans pockets and gave a nonchalant shrug. "Yeah, so I've been told."

Kagome's smile filtered down into a faint grin and she looked quietly down to the floor. "So, how was your night?"

"Fine." He looked everywhere but at her. It was becoming unbearable standing there with her. He didn't know what compelled him to even come to this place, but the thought of that fucker Hojo taking her made him crazy. He fully intended on coming by just to shake things up, but it ended up being torture for himself. Hell, he hadn't even been able to keep his eyes off of her all night and it just about killed him not being close to her. He made it a point to show up around her whenever she was happy, if only to live vicariously through the others who made her smile. But he soon came to realize his presence was making her upset, and having some slut grind against him at every possible turn certainly didn't help. He just wanted her to be jealous like he was, but instead it ended up with him being more disgusted with himself than he already was. Eventually, he just wanted to be alone, pushing off every advance as he attempted to drink himself stupid. He barely got down one beer before he gave up. Calling the night as a loss, he decided to have a piss before he left, only to run into the very creature that's been the bane of his existence.

"I must be keeping you." Her voice said softly. "Guess I'll see you tomorrow for the promos."

InuYasha didn't say anything as his eyes lingered on the dance floor but he gave a small nod.

Kagome halted a few times before she stated quickly. "You know, I was wondering…."

"Fuck!" InuYasha snapped his angry eyes on her. "Are you seriously still standing here?" God, he was so desperate for her to go away. She had no clue how hard it was to keep from grabbing her and taking her.

Her upset face stared up at him and she backed up a step. "I…I didn't mean…."

"No, you never mean. That's the whole point. Stop acting like you give a damn about me, okay?" He glared out into the crowd, looking anywhere as long as he didn't have to look at her. His resolve would break if he did. "Look, you're a good kid, but you seriously have no clue what I am."

"But I…." A suffering smile struggled to stay on her lips but fell in hurt-filled realization. "I see."

InuYasha turned to her in disturbed curiosity and watched the various emotions play across her face before it fell in broken acceptance.

"Then I guess I'll let you go." Biting her lower lip, Kagome faintly lifted her hand in farewell but let it drop before she slowly turned to leave. As soon as her back was to him she stopped and quickly turned back. "InuYasha?"

His heavy gaze looked up at her.

Her lips twitched slightly as if wanting to give a heartfelt smile. "I just wanted you to know that… whatever you think you are, I'll never see you less than what you really are."

A disturbed look passed over his face and he turned away. Taking this as a dismissal, Kagome slowly lowered her head and quietly headed back out into the crowd. Before she even made a few steps, her arm was grabbed and she was pulled hard into a dark corner.

"Are you stupid or something?" InuYasha seethed down at her as released her arm.

She opened her mouth in question before he cut her off.

"Why can't you see what everyone else sees? I'm not a man that wants pity or cares that I'm an asshole. And I certainly don't need some pansy-assed girl to tell me she thinks I have a good side."

Silence permeated between them before Kagome's steady voice broke through. "Then what do you want with me?"

"I… I don't want anything from you." InuYasha blinked in stunned confusion before his defensive nature kicked in. "I just want you to leave me the fuck alone!"

"Why?" She lifted her chin slightly as she took a few steps towards him, causing him to back up and hit the wall behind him.

"Why?" He pressed against the wall, unconsciously intimidated by the smaller woman.

"Why are you here, InuYasha?"

Her intense eyes captured his and he was at a loss of what to say, but the quiet patience in her gaze had him almost believe she knew everything he was denying. He shook his head to clear his thoughts but before he could lie, she continued.

"Why do you judge me? Why do you insult me? Why do you kiss me and then push me away?" She gazed at his lips for a bare moment before she looked down to the floor. "I've offered you my friendship and more, and you deny me. Why?"

"I can't…." He stopped and turned his face away bitterly.

"You can't?" Her head tilted slightly as she stepped closer to him.

His amber eyes flashed dangerously over at her in frustration. "I can't be what you want!"

Her soft mouth opened in confusion and hurt. "I have only wanted you to be yourself."

"This is it!" He pushed away from the wall in exasperated anger and towered above her. His body was so close that she could feel his heat as he pushed her backward with his gaze. "This is all I am. This is all I can give."

The pained expression on her face made his blood run cold and he clenched his hands to keep from reaching out to her. He quickly forced his eyes to the floor. "I didn't mean for it to get this far. There is nothing I can offer you that you'd be willing to accept. If you can't understand that, then there's nothing I can do."

"I… don't know what you mean."

He looked up at her perplexed expression before shaking his head despondently. "It means I can't give you what you want. I can't give you my trust or pretend to care for you. I can't be your boyfriend. Hell, I'm not even your friend. I'm only good at giving one thing and you certainly don't want to be another fuck."

He had expected tears from her, questions, even a slap across the face, but not what she said next.

"Okay."

Blinking, he looked up in numbed shock. "What?"

Her beautiful eyes searched his face intently. "If this is who you are, and all that you can give, then that is what I'll take."

His mouth opened and closed before he frowned heavily. "You don't know what you're saying."

She looked contemplative for a moment before she hesitantly spoke. "I… just want you, InuYasha. That's all I've ever wanted."

He snorted in disbelief before he shook it off and gave her a dirty smirk. "You can't handle what I am, darlin'. If you seriously want to try, you're looking at a world of hurt." His tired eyes drifted to the wall. "I've already given up trying to be something I can't be. It's time you realized the same."

The room seemed to grow quiet and InuYasha turned back to Kagome. Her head was bowed and for some reason, she looked so small and frail. When she finally looked back up at him, he was almost crippled by the weight she carried within her fallen eyes. Though she never said a word, he felt overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and remorse, and he didn't know why.

"I…." His voice rasped. Taking in a painful breath, he stepped back. "I have to go." With that, he turned to leave.

"InuYasha?"

Stopping, he mentally steeled himself before he turned to look at her.

Her sweet lips parted ever so slightly as her sad eyes called to him imploringly. "It was never about what you could offer."

He watched her for a moment then turned once more to leave. The chaotic crowd enveloped him like smoke as he slowly made his way towards the exit, but each step felt like he was being torn. He thought he made it. He thought he was now in the clear, but her parting words cemented the nagging need he had of her. Why did she have to say those things? Didn't she realize that he had nothing to give her, even if they could safely be together?

It wasn't like he could change. Things were as they were for a reason. Nothing she said could change that, and nothing he could do would either. This was who he was, a man who's past had him locked away. It was his life, and it was forever….

His eyes closed briefly as a headache began to form. Fuck, he needed a cigarette. What a fine time to quit! He mentally groaned. Why the hell did he even give them up in the first place? He meant to buy some at the corner store yesterday. He snorted lightly. He was about to before he saw that damn picture of he and Kagome in that magazine, and how proud she was of him for signing that damn autograph.

His steps began to slow. She was always like that though. Always smiling, always laughing, always so proud of others. She had made his friends open up and break through barriers he couldn't crack - namely because he never tried. His lips turned down in a small frown. He was always so concerned about himself. He couldn't even give his friends the attention they needed. But Kagome….

He slowed to a stop. She gave all of herself. His head lifted in realization. And never wanted in return.

'It was never about what you could offer.'

It was about what she was willing to give.

He slowly looked back from where he came. Without thinking, he turned and headed back to where he left her. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he needed to know. Meandering around blue hued bodies as they slowly danced to a new song, he began to question everything - his sanity above all else. He wasn't even sure what it was he wanted. He felt drugged, compelled to seek out the very thing that stirred his senses.

Was she serious about what she hinted? What was it she was willing to give him? And above all, would he be willing to take it? All he knew was that she was willing to be with him regardless of what he was, and expected nothing in return. Was that possible? Could he have her without consequence? His heart trembled at the idea. He finally made it back to the corner before his chest gripped cold in despair. Kagome was gone.

Lowering his gaze, he turned, only to face the sweet face that dared to give him hope as Kagome stood only a few feet away, watching him with a heart wide open.

Breath held tight within the confines of his chest, he slowly moved towards her. Something deep within him beckoned him to go to her and he could not deny it even if he tried. No desperate man ever could.

_Wake up, medicate again_

_Ever after's a friend_

Standing in front of each other, all they could do was stare, questioning and exploring for answers no words could express.

_But you and I, we get so high_

_We never quite came down_

_Ever after again_

With gentle grace, Kagome slowly reached up and stroked the side of his cheek. Amber eyes closed as InuYasha's body yearned to feel every sensation she lit up inside him, as well as every pain she was associated with.

_But what could be more beautiful_

_Than you and I, falling from grace_

_All the things we'll never know_

_So beautiful, slipping away_

Slowly he opened his liquid orbs to be assaulted by the sight of the woman who claimed his entire soul with just one smile. It was then he realized that she was always giving him what he needed, and in turn he had fallen in love. And he was too afraid to let her know, too afraid to let anyone know.

_Light my past on fire_

_Spell it right, in black and white _

_A coward's here for hire_

Soft, feather like fingers moved down the plains of his chest, triggering a sharp hiss to his lips before her hands settled above the rapid beating of his heart. Tenderly she pressed her body against his, resting her forehead below his chin before lifting her face up to him, her soft lips inadvertently tracing the edge of his collarbone and neck. A guttural groan tumbled from his throat as his hands gripped hard into the back of her shirt. The intensity of her touch nearly brought him to his knees and he knew then he had his answer.

_But what could be more beautiful_

_Than you and I, falling from grace_

_All the things we'll never know_

_So beautiful, slipping away_

Pulling back slightly, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. She looked so confident and yet so unsure about her actions, but it did not stop her from studying every part that her roaming fingers touched.

_It's beautiful (slipping away)_

_It's beautiful (slipping away)_

Every trace, every subtle breath she took made him weak to a point where he forgot his surroundings. All there was was she. And she was giving herself over to him… like a sacrificial lamb.

_Whoa, it's beautiful (slipping away)_

_It's beautiful (slipping away)_

Hot fingers threaded themselves into her cool silky hair as InuYasha pulled her attention back up to his face. Silver flecks sparkled behind the hooded blue of those amazing eyes as she opened them all the way for him to see beyond the boundaries of heaven. How long had he wished to be in this moment? To finally be given this chance to have her as he wanted? When did she decide he was deserving of this? His conflicted gaze questioned whether he ought to take what she was offering… or whether he could handle it.

_It's time to pack up and vacate_

_I'm so fed up of closing up_

_And running from myself_

Shutting all thoughts and doubts off completely, he pulled her body hard against him as his mouth connected heatedly with hers and tasted all that heaven had to offer. Fire and ice shattered against his flesh as wave after wave of desire, want and need overwhelmed him.

_What could be more beautiful_

_Than you and I falling from grace_

_All the things we'll never know_

_So beautiful, slipping away_

Clenching his eyes tight, InuYasha wrapped his arms hard around her, dragging her higher and tighter against him as he buried his tongue deep within her, terrified that if he let go, she would fly away. He no longer cared if anyone saw or the repercussions because of it. He needed her, and she was giving him her all. How the hell could he resist?

_What could be more beautiful (It's beautiful)_

_Than you and I falling from grace_

_All the things we'll never know_

_So beautiful, slipping away_

There was no escaping her now. He was a fallen man, barred now forever in the confines of her heart, a secret garden no one could find and it was all his. Like a man dying of thirst, he drank from her eternal wonders. He would be a fool to deny this. And he would pay dearly for it.

_Wake up, medicate again_

'_Cause ever after is my friend._

-+-

Beautiful by Thornley.

And another chapter done. Amazing what you can get done with a 10lb weight hanging on your boob. Seriously, I've been working on this chapter since late January and revised it five times. At least now I feel it is somewhat presentable. As for the last 4 months… Well, here goes:

Oct 18th I started having cramps. I passed it off as a bad sundae or the chilli nachos we had. By Oct 19th, it got worse and I got scared. By that evening my husband drove me to the IWK to get me checked out. We talked to three doctors, while I was hooked up to a machine that measured my stomach as I waited. We were all pretty calm about this, since I had seen my doctor a week ago and everything was perfect, textbook even. Then she went on vacation. Not a problem, I'm not due for another 13 weeks. By the time the resident came in and checked the machine and my pelvis, off snapped the gloves to tell me I was having contractions and had to stay at the hospital to stop them. I'm scared by then, obviously. So on go the pants and no more than 15 steps outside the office my water broke. Terror set in. I was only 27 weeks gestation (a full term baby is 40 weeks) and the likelihood of my baby surviving was 80. Good odds, but it wasn't until later did I find out that yeah, good odds he'll live, not good odds he'll be healthy or "normal."

Within an hour of my water breaking, (and an hour long contraction boys and girls is not an experience I care to have again), out came Alexander Xavier Leonard. A whopping 2 pounds 7 ounces. What would come next would be what we would later call the year of hell.

They administered a medicine called (by its short name) Bless, also known as surfactant. It was supposed to open his lungs so he could breath. It ended up causing a heart attack and I nearly lost him within 5 minutes of life. After 2 minutes of CPR, they brought him back, and whisked him down to NICU. There he stayed for three months. During that time, we dealt with another dose of Bless that caused a rupture in his lungs. He began to suffocate and in turn caused a haemorrhage in his brain. I have a lot of rage due to this, since I was not aware of the Bless being used beforehand, nor was I told the possible side effects when they tried again. Instead I was told that they used it on all the prems (preemies) and it showed a positive impact on their breathing. Little did I know, but had I known, sadly I would have allowed it. But hindsight is 20/20….

He spent three weeks on a ventilator that helped him to breathe. The doctors said he may be on it until well after he leaves and the possibility of him coming home was February, maybe even March. It was then we were told he was an incredibly sick baby. It would be much later that we would find out how many of those doctors were expecting him to die.

After his third week, Alex could breath on his own, without any machine or extra oxygen. Within a month he was without any support at all. He amazed everyone.

The haemorrhage: It ended up being a grade 4, the largest and most dangerous. Side effects ranged from the low possibility of him being a normal, healthy baby to one who could end up blind, mentally handicapped, or with severe cerebral palsy. No doubt you know how hard I cried knowing my perfect son was no longer "perfect." We would have to wait and see what would become of it.

Putting that in the back of our minds, the next dip in the emotional roller coaster was the fact his PDA valve in his heart opened. It needed to be closed or else the O2 in his blood would not circulate very well. The possibility of him having heart surgery was high. Again… medicine was tried, but not without my husband and I knowing everything about it. We were not going to be fucked over like that again. Signing the wavers, Alex got the endomethicine. It didn't work. Surgery was the answer, but it was the last thing Cam and I wanted. So they would try the endomethicine again. It was a long shot and rarely worked, but the thought of them going near my son's heart made me a vicious mother. They would try again. Three days we had to wait to see if it worked, but on the final day, they could still hear the murmur. An ultrasound was brought in to take pictures of his heart to ready him for surgery. In a moment of silence, the doctor turned to his peers and said the valve was closed. He did not need surgery. It stunned all of them.

It made me see God.

In one month, Alex saw three blood transfusions because his iron was low (his blood was taken almost daily for tests and he could not regenerate enough). He also was under light therapy for jaundice, as well as under more tests and surveys than any normal person should be allowed. One of which was an oxygen study since O2 was believed to cause eye damage to preemies, so he was set on a very strict O2 regulation. His eyes are now perfect.

By the end of November the results of the haemorrhage came in. His poor little head was growing too fast, showing that the cerebral fluid was building up in his brain. The blood clot had broken apart and clogged one of the ventricles that was suppose to absorb the fluid. It was decided that he would need a shunt placed in his brain to siphon the fluid down a tube planted inside his neck and back, which lead to a cavity by his intestines that would drain the fluid out in his pee. (Which naturally happens, but still gross.) Dec 1st, his shunt was put in. I had never been more terrified in my life.

74 days we spent at the hospital. 74 days I cried. 74 days I prayed. Within that time, my son grew from 2 pounds 7 ounces to 6 pounds 12 ounces. He also learned to bottle feed and breast feed, something few prems his size could do.

On Dec 31st, Alex came home, a month earlier than anticipated.

From then on he has now become a tall boy weighing over 10lbs. He is now 4.5 months old (but in reality only 1.5 months, since the 13 weeks he was early he was still in fetal development phase, so though he is over 4 months, his body is that of a 1 month old). He sees specialists regularly, such as physiotherapists, neurosurgeons and early intervention. He amazes everyone. As of yet, he shows no side effects from the haemorrhage. He smiles, laughs, babbles, coos…. He loves staring at his grandfather's black and white beard and loves to kick mommy's flabby belly. Note: baby weight takes close to a year to come off. If someone tells you three months, tell them where you think they should shove it.

After all of this, I have to thank all of you. I put the last author's note up Oct 23rd - two days after the second Bless failure and during the week we were expecting to lose our son. The amount of prayers and good thoughts that were sent to us was staggering. And because my son came home early from the hospital with a perfect bill of health (shunt excluded) I am convinced over the power of love. You each share in my son's story, not only because of what you know, but because of the love you sent out to him and our family. I know it was because of you, and the amazing work of the medical team, that he came through. But medicine could only heal so much. My son developed a will to live beyond any measure, and I know he felt each of you in prayer. I know, because he smiled through all of it.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein (a preemie baby).

WDW.

If any are interested, you can see a clip of Alex here: (just delete the spaces in the address bar)

vids.myspace .com/ index.cfm? fuseaction vids.individual &VideoID 27283202


	30. Revelations

InuYasha had never tasted whipped cream and berries. No one had ever shared with him that luxury, not even when he was a child. But if he had to guess the flavour it would be exactly how Kagome's mouth tasted at that moment and he wanted to savour it forever.

It was with regret when he finally pulled himself from her tantalizing lips. Panting softly, he looked down at her breathless face where his ego boosted smirk met her heavy lidded eyes. To finally have her in his arms, to feel the pleasure of her kiss was amazing, and he wanted more. Scanning quickly around, he bit his lower lip and led her back to the dark corner for privacy. What he had in mind wouldn't do in such an open area. Kagome seemed hesitant as she followed. Her shy unease would've been endearing if it weren't for the heated rush his body was under when he thought about what he wanted to do with her. Upon reaching the secluded corner, he pulled her hands up to his chest and nuzzled her forehead to bring her attention back to his face.

"Trust me." He whispered huskily.

Kagome never responded as she looked up at him with those fathomless eyes, but neither did she pull away. Taking this as acceptance, he gently cupped her flushed face and kissed her lightly over and over again, pulling her lips into the soft suction of his own, testing her boundaries of how far she'd let him go. But he soon found he couldn't get enough, for the further into her he went the more he craved.

With a heavy, surrendering groan he ravished her mouth hard, hot and without a care. His desperate hands fell from her face to roam her sides and back, fisting into the satiny material of her rippled shirt as he pulled her flush against him. The mild friction between their two bodies stimulated his desire to a point of breaking and he had to feel more or die from the need. Stumbling forward, he shoved her body heavily against the wall, pulsing his heat and hardness against her while his tongue raked and pillaged her mouth in a furious assault. Never before had he lost so much control over a damn kiss. What was it about her that made him lose his mind?!

Maybe it was because many women would have succumbed to him by now. They'd pull his hair, lift a leg and rub against his member, or groan like a bitch in heat. They were overly responsive to his lust and gave into it just as readily, but not Kagome.

With her he felt like he was being swept away.

Her hands were like rivers of reverence as they slowly flowed over the ridged muscles of his arms and back, easing him as her fingers danced over the hard contours, eroding them into softened planes. Every touch sent him into a trance where his mind became clouded and instinct called his every action. He wanted to claim this woman, mark her and fill her with himself so that no other could be given that first right. Greed mingled with lust, jealousy with pride, and raw fury with apathy. He needed to dominate and own her, but the more she touched and tasted of him the more consumed he was within her. He was lost in every subtle sigh, every quivering moan and every startled gasp she made.

He, on the other hand, could make no noise. With her he was breathless. His body felt charged as all his vices dueled with her virtues. Patience, kindness and chastity poured forth with each diligent touch and each modest flick of her tongue. The more he ravished her, the deeper he sank into her innocent spirit. His raging inferno could not consume her and have her indulge in his burning wake. Instead she responded as if she were drifting in the moment, taking in everything her senses were feeling and not as a quick gratification of her desires. This, whatever she was doing to him, was not sex to her and it confused him greatly.

His topaz eyes opened a fraction to see her face and what he saw made him shudder with desire. Blue diamonds barely shone through midnight lashes, glowing with fathomless light as she took in everything he did. It was then that he remembered how new this was to her. She was as pure as fresh fallen snow and had never experienced carnal pleasure. And here she was in his arms feeling it all for the first time, but feeling what exactly he couldn't imagine. All he knew was that he was the reason for her pleasure. It was a notion that made him feel valued above all others.

He breathed in her soft, heavenly scent and his eyes closed as he lost himself in her tranquil abyss. Never before had this felt so right, never had it felt so chaste. The most primal of all bodily desires and it felt almost… spiritual. The need to touch her became too great, as if he needed to feel if she was real and that her warm flesh would prove it. Emitting a soulful sigh, his hands delved down to the hem of her shirt where inch by inch he drifted his fingers up to reach her smooth skin. Just as his fingers grazed the soft silk of her sides his wrists were suddenly gripped hard.

InuYasha pulled back slightly to grin teasingly down at Kagome's apprehension but was instantly startled by the trepidation found on her lowered face.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

She did not reply, though her hands trembled slightly against his.

InuYasha forced out a slight chuckle as his eyes flicked up and down her troubled form. "Too much? We can go somewhere more private."

She shook her head once and looked back up at him with a gaze that conveyed how much she wished to tell him, but no words reached her throat as she turned her subdued face out into the crowd.

Silence seemed to echo in their secluded corner and it rapidly swallowed him in doubt. Was it something he did? Was she regretting what they were doing? Maybe he was mistaken in how she was feeling. Turning his gaze uncomfortably away, he stepped back as he tried to pull from her grasp.

"No."

Her voice was barely traceable above the pounding music around them but it hooked him with its timid command. Standing still, he held his breath as he waited.

Eventually a quivering sigh escaped her lips, but it held a trace of resolution. Turning determined but concerned eyes back to him, Kagome closed the distance between them but did not move her hands from his wrists. It was several moments before her soft voice continued. "You asked me to trust you."

His frown deepened in sudden wariness as he turned back to her.

"I just need to know," her deep blue oceans flowed up to meet his autumn moons as she pulled his hands to trace along the hem of her jeans. The warmth of her flesh teased the tips of his fingers. "Will you trust me?"

Blinking out of the sensations emitting from her touch, he looked up at her with uneasy confusion. "Trust you?"

Her eyes lowered to stare blindly at his chest. "To show you what I really am."

Fear shadowed behind his confusion. What she really was? What more could she possibly be? Miroku's words of a fallen angel crept into his mind, but he quickly tossed the absurd idea aside. Still, morbid curiosity compelled him to find out what she meant. His eyes flicked up and down her form as if trying to visibly see any change about her, but she was still Kagome: beautiful, flawless… wonderful. Without realizing, his hands lifted to graze the satiny skin of her stomach in question. The heat and softness was like touching the surface of a warm bath, but the flesh was firm and corporeal, and very much tempting.

His eyes flowed up to her face when he heard her hold in a slight gasp, but she did not move as she allowed his hands to explore. Her tender gaze rose up to meet his and they stared silently into each other's eyes as his fingers spread slowly to trace the bottom of her ribs and a stray thumb dipped into the hollow of her naval. Amber irises darkened as the torrent of her blue mellowed into relaxed twilight pools. Groaning softly, he dipped his nose into the silky waves of her hair and folded himself into her essence. Sensitive gooseflesh rose and thrummed against the hardened pads of his hands as she shivered against his touch.

His eyes grew heavy at the intensity of just a simple caress. Her skin felt like soft feather down and just as warm. Whatever she thought she really was, he could not see her as less than perfect. And he wanted her - all of her. Gently he ran his fingers over the tips of the raised bumps, smoothing them back into her skin with his heated strokes as he moved his hands to her sides.

A hitch in her breathing brought his attention back to her face. He pulled back slightly to look down once more into her eyes, but they were hidden behind shadowed lids and a fearful expression marred her smooth brow. Aching to ease her trouble, he reached behind her to pull her close, allowing his soothing fingers to stroke the entire length of her back, yet what he felt was not the smooth, warm skin of her body, but ridged contours of hard, mangled flesh.

Cold shock slapped him severely and he quickly wrenched his hands out from under her shirt with a gasp. Stepping back, he automatically looked down at his fingers as if expecting to see what he had touched was there on his skin. Seeing nothing there, he flexed his fingers to wipe away the unnatural tingles sweeping over them. What the hell was that? He quickly looked back at Kagome with horror, almost anticipating to see someone else standing there, only to be set back by pained tears rolling down from her closed eyes. His mouth parted as he watched her, unable to sort out the million thoughts erupting in his mind save one. But she did not speak. Instead she lowered her head and made no move to answer his silent question.

Slowly searching her frame once more, he took a tentative step closer and reached for the hem of her shirt. When she did not object, he hesitantly lifted it to reveal jagged white marks spanning the length of her back. So white were the scars on her torso that they nearly glowed silver against the darkness of the corner they stood in. An inhaled curse passed quickly from his shaken lips before she pulled away from him as if burned.

He barely had a moment to gather his thoughts before she pushed past him, quickly swiping the tears from her face. In a desperate reflex, he turned to pull her back but stopped when she suddenly froze and stared towards the dance floor.

Following her gaze, his attention scarcely registered Sango and Ayame peering uncomfortably at them from the edge of the crowd before he took in the fury radiating from Hojo's eyes from where he stood a few feet away. Fuck, this was not what he wanted to be dealing with right now: a jealous and drunk choirboy.

The inebriated man flicked his attention from InuYasha to Kagome and back. His countenance dripped venom as his eyes told InuYasha exactly what he thought of him. "What do you think you're doing with Kagome?"

InuYasha blinked in disturbed guilt and confusion. His eyes flicked over to the woman in question but he suddenly found he couldn't look at her. Pale, he turned unconsciously back to Hojo at a loss of what to say or do. All he knew was that he needed fresh air to breathe. Stepping back, he shook his head and turned to leave.

"You fucking asshole!" Ayame and Sango tangled their arms around Hojo's chest as he attempted to launch himself on the singer while Kagome moved to block InuYasha's fist when he attempted to defend himself.

"You fucking asshole!" Hojo seethed again as he tried to wrench his arms away from the two women. "You have no right to touch her!"

InuYasha tore his fist from Kagome's grasp and backed quickly away from her, tearing his eyes to the floor as she tried to console him. The room seemed to be spinning and he couldn't make sense of anything. He just wished he had a moment to think but that was far coming as Hojo spoke again.

"Do you think you're too special now? Do you think she'd taint you if she touched you?" He ripped his arms out of Ayame's and Sango's hold but didn't make a move against the singer. "Thought she'd be the perfect fuck until you saw them, didn't you?"

Rage and humiliation pierced InuYasha's body like a thousand hot blades as what Hojo was saying finally sunk in. Flashing his furious gaze up at the man, he snarled. "Shut the hell up! Don't act like you know shit about me!"

"I know you have no honour! You're not worthy to see the scars she carries!" Hojo spat out. "You would never have survived what she's gone through!"

Fury and pale awareness rendered InuYasha speechless. His hands clenched in a desire to beat the man senseless for his accusations, but he found he couldn't move even if he wanted to, not with the feeling of _her_ eyes watching him.

"At least now she knows." Hojo stated vehemently. "She can finally see you as you really are."

"And what am I?" InuYasha responded in a threatening tone.

Dark brown eyes cringed as if looking at something disgusting. "You're nothing."

"Hojo! That's enough!" Kagome glared coldly at him.

Hojo blinked and looked at her as if he forgot she was there. "I'm trying to protect you, Kagome. He'd never understand. He'd never see you for you. I mean, look at his face!" He glared back at InuYasha. "He's disgusted by you."

InuYasha's breath left him in traumatized numbness. That was a lie! He could never feel that way about her! She was perfe… she was…. All his mind could see was a scorched body and he felt sick to his stomach. It couldn't be true. Hojo couldn't be right. If not, then what the hell was the matter with him? Why couldn't he look at her? All he had to do was turn to her and deny what Hojo was saying. All he had to do was yell out that Hojo was wrong. But he couldn't. He couldn't even breathe.

"InuYasha?" Her soft voice begged him to answer.

"Look at her!" Hojo yelled.

InuYasha's bloodshot eyes turned murderously up at him.

"InuYasha?"

A bead of sweat trickled down his brow and he turned blindly to Sango but she remained silent as she watched him with anxious pleading.

"InuYasha… please."

Trembling, he looked out at the oblivious crowd before them, yet he could barely make out their forms as darkness seemed to want to envelop him.

"Inu…." A soft catch hitched in Kagome's throat and she fell silent.

As if witnessing a massacre, golden orbs finally pulled unwillingly towards the woman beside him. His teeth clenched within his hardened jaw as he watched Kagome's mouth open in hopeful question before it quickly fell in wounded realization. Unable to stand it, he let his gaze drop to the floor.

"You see, Kagome?" Hojo sneered. "He's just like the rest of them."

InuYasha shut his eyes before opening them to see the satisfied smirk on Hojo's face. His chest burned as his breathing came and went in jagged rasps. Raw emotions fought for dominance within him, and still he couldn't deny Hojo's words. He couldn't trust himself to speak at all.

A quiet sob issued beside him as Kagome looked imploringly to Sango, Ayame and finally back to InuYasha, but no one spoke.

Fragrant vanilla and spice turned bitter against his raw, choked off throat and he turned away as Kagome rushed past him and into the crowd.

"Kagome!" Sango shouted as she and Ayame ran after her.

Hojo took a few steps back, daunted by the darkness looming from the man in front of him. "You should thank me, you know. She'd never understand. She'd never understand why you don't deserve her."

Angry tears scorched InuYasha's cheeks as he turned to finally face the merciless fucker, but Hojo was gone. Hot blood pounded in his shaking palms when he achingly released the cracking tension of his fists. Slowly he shut his eyes again from the world, yet he could not escape the screaming inside his head. He finally knew the truth of why he couldn't look at her. And it was too late to take it back.

-+-

"Did you know that English is the second official language in Hong Kong?" Kouga stated over the drone of the Mercedes-Benz limousine as he read from his Hong Kong Guide book.

"Over half the world speaks English, doofus." Miroku snorted knowingly as he gazed contentedly out his window.

"Considering that English is the official language of business, it would make sense." Sesshomaru said coolly from the rear seat as he tapped up an email on his Meidou smartphone. "Many countries have adopted the language as a rule in order to deal with trade and finance. Even you will benefit from speaking it."

"Would that explain why you insisted that many of our songs be in English?" Miroku smirked from the side row of the town car.

The stoic businessman continued to type. "The less ignorant you are, the further ahead your success will be. Should you prove adequate in the final challenge, you may find your popularity exceeded beyond the Eastern Hemisphere."

"What you mean to say is: 'Hollywood, here we come!'" The guitarist grinned.

"You will find more success in China than you would in the Americas. Hong Kong helped China to become the leading world power. The US cannot rival its role when it comes to money."

"What about you?" Miroku leaned over his seat to smile teasingly at their manager.

Sesshomaru barely blinked. "I merely contribute to its influence." He pressed send and automatically handed his minicomputer over to his daughter beside him so she could continue to play her game.

"Pity," Miroku sighed as he flopped back against the hard leather of the couch. "I was looking forward to visiting that mansion filled with…."

"Are you sure you want to finish that sentence?" Sango glowered beside him and he smiled sheepishly back.

"Did you know that only 25 percent of Hong Kong is developed while close to 50 percent is reserved for park land and nature reserves?" Kouga continued as if no one interrupted his FAQ.

"What's with the trivia, Ko?" Sango pulled her venomous eyes from her boyfriend to continue flipping through a paperback novel that she picked up at the airport.

Kouga barely lifted his eyes from the guidebook to scowl at the tinted window behind her. "I just needed a distraction."

"From what, man?" Miroku grinned smugly as he folded his hands behind his head. "We're in Hong Kong, the weather's perfect, we're riding in a personal limo to stay at a five star hotel, and millions if not billions of people will be watching us perform in just two days."

Kouga's scowl deepened. "That's what I'm worried about."

Kagome smiled softly beside him and rubbed his arm. "I'm nervous too. But hey, how many can one day say they played in the Battle of the Orient?"

The bassist lifted his arm and hugged her by his side. "The ones who didn't win."

Light laughter trickled out over the cabin, which made a feigned sleeper flinch as if slapped. InuYasha opened his eyes bitterly towards the end of the opposite row to watch Kagome comfort Kouga's anxiety. Burning jealousy washed over him as he saw her lean against the other man to read a passage in the guidebook. It was his own fault, he knew. It was his cowardice that pushed her away, or else he would be sitting next to her, touching her, kissing her, and not be resigned to keep from playing footsie with the imp-like man that was Sesshomaru's assistant.

His gaze flicked in front him in disgust as he watched Jaken spit out sunflower seed shells into a handkerchief in his hand. A high-pitched snort and a hiss of sniggering ricocheted in InuYasha's sensitive eardrums as Jaken laughed at a British comedy on his Meidou. It was bad enough having to sit next to the man on the flight here, having traded his seat with Kouga, and not even half way to their destination was he ready to kill the annoying bastard.

He rolled his eyes at the inhumanity of his situation and shut them in an attempt to block out the banter in the car.

The last few days passed swiftly on a river of emotion. Two days of promos kept the band busy that anytime alone was rare. It suited InuYasha just fine. He drowned himself in Perdition's advertising and played the part well for both fans and the media. His band was a fast favourite in Japan and he was making damn sure they would also be a world sensation come the Battle of the Orient. The third competition had become his obsession to finally bring everything together, and it was the perfect distraction from the very thing that threatened to tear him apart.

Turning up the iPod that had been glued to his ears since the beginning of the whole journey, he quickly drowned out Kagome's sweet voice, though he was hard pressed in his want to hear every word she said. The very thought of her had his chest throbbing in sensations he couldn't fathom and it hurt to breathe. Cringing, he quickly turned his thoughts to the upcoming competition.

The Battle of the Orient would spread over three nights where several countries would battle in their respective genre of music. Perdition was scheduled to perform on Friday evening among other artists of Hard Rock and Metal. Miroku had joked that it was the Music Olympics, especially with all the preparations and security being put in place for the event. Threats of sabotage and racism among the competing countries were publicized often in the media. He smirked wryly. It was proving to be a good show. Already the animosity was thick between rival bands and there were reports that several minor fights had broken out between fans and even a few band members. Thankfully the rivalry didn't expand beyond petty fistfights and bar time brawls. However, it did enforce a heavy penalty. Any member of a band caught fighting was automatically disqualified from the competition. It was a threat well respected.

Leaning heavily against the back of his seat to get comfortable, InuYasha quickly went over the itinerary in his mind. They were to arrive in Hong Kong and wait to be escorted off the plane. They would then be directly ported to their hotel where they would remain until tomorrow morning. The Battle of the Orient would begin with an opening ceremony at noon where the various bands that were invited would be introduced. After that it would be a waiting game until they were to perform on Friday.

It wasn't so bad, he mused. Hong Kong seemed to have quite a night life, so he'd have something to do during their off hours. In the meantime, it was a matter of going through the process: set up, sound check and presentation. After that, he didn't know. The Battle of the Orient would decide the fate of every band competing. The winners were sure to become international celebrities with chances to perform in Europe and even North America.

To be a success, to leave the life they knew, it was everything his friends had dreamed of. Yet to him, it was the final nail in the coffin. Part of him feared the minutes leading up to Friday night - the same part that feared winning the final competition. It was if he was awaiting the sentence that would decide the fate of his life. But the thought of running away wasn't an option. He had nowhere else to go. No matter what choice he made, he was still bound to Naraku. He might as well enjoy being a rich man in debt than a poor man in debt.

His eyes drifted open to stare blindly down on his crossed arms. Weariness swept over him like a chilled blanket. He had put in a lot of work in his endeavour to win the last competition and doubled his efforts for this one, but in the end it didn't matter. He was still trapped. There was only one path for his freedom and the possibility of that happening….

He snorted softly and shoved the thought away, but the nagging trace of doubt and unease cloaked his insides. His hands clenched tight within the confines of his arms and he scowled down at the watch on his wrist. How much longer was this damn trip anyways? He really needed a smoke.

Sighing, he rested his head against seat and looked out the window behind him. The low evening sun glowed a pale light over the Tsing Ma Bridge that led from the Chek Lap Kok Airport to Kowloon, their final destination. The ripples on the water below glittered like intense bright silver, which dazzled the eyes, but he found he couldn't look away. The scene felt detached from the busyness of the bridge above it and for a few brief moments he felt his mind grow silent.

Too soon signs of industry and walls of windows blocked out the natural world to reflect the neon and florescent lights of the city districts they drove through.

Numbly, InuYasha blinked his eyes blearily away from the road drawing closer to their hotel and looked once again around the long cabin of the limo. All sets of eyes seemed to be now looking out at the various streets and towns they passed through - all but one.

InuYasha's mouth parted slightly as he caught the profile of Kagome's subdued face. Her left cheek rested against her seat and her eyes were barely open a fraction, but he knew she was awake. Watching her faded expression was like seeing the sun turn cold and waiting for the world to die. He wanted to call out to her. Hell, he wanted to scream for her to open those eyes and look over at him. Yet he was terrified she would.

Kagome turned when Kouga asked her a question and InuYasha quickly looked away to keep from accidentally catching her gaze. How pathetic he was.

He shut his eyes painfully against the gloom that threatened to overtake his senses. He had never said a word to Kagome after that night at the karaoke club. He was ashamed of what he did, but more so he was deadened for the reason why he did. Countless times he went over those final moments with her in his mind, and not once could he come close to redeeming himself. Had he walked a different path in life, maybe he could. Had he known someone like her existed, maybe he would have made better choices.

Or maybe he would have never met her at all.

But that was speculation. This was real. He knew it was real because nothing else could hurt this badly. He had run out of choices and from it he had run out of chances. There was nothing left to do now but regret.

The limo began to slow and he begrudgingly opened his eyes. Looking up at the entrance of their destination, he managed to read 'Marco Polo Hongkong Hotel' before the car stopped in front of the valet.

"What? No press?!" Miroku frowned sullenly as he looked out his window.

Sesshomaru barely gave the man a glance. "The competition will see over one hundred and eighty bands in the course of three days. You seriously think reporters have the time to chase after every musician in the city?" Sensing Miroku's crestfallen aura, he sighed before exiting the limo with Rin. "You will have your moment at tomorrow's orientation. Until then, stay out of trouble."

"What sort of trouble does he think I'll get into?" The guitarist feigned hurt innocence.

Everyone gave Miroku a knowing glare before following after their manager.

-+-

InuYasha pressed mute on the remote when a loud knock echoed on his hotel door. Giving the wooden surface a bitter glance, he growled contritely before flicking the channel on the flat screen hanging on the far wall. "What!"

The knocking continued.

Sighing angrily, he tossed the remote on the bed and swung his bare feet to the floor to answer the annoying sound. Wrenching the door open, he scowled. "Fuck, what do you want?"

Miroku smiled brightly and sauntered past the contrary man. Flicking his eyes around the deluxe suite, he turned back to the individual who sorely looked out of place in such a refined room.

InuYasha lifted a brow as Miroku slowly took in his tattered pajama pants and faded red t-shirt. "You better not be pitching for the other team, shit stain, because I ain't catching."

"Huh?" Miroku blinked before realization smacked him on the forehead. "What? No! I'm here to drag you out with us." He frowned at the rips on InuYasha's shirt. "But it seems you settled pretty well in that slump you put yourself in."

"What the hell you talking about?" InuYasha let the door shut and returned to the comfort of the king sized bed.

"This." Miroku waved sporadically around the room. "You. Your attitude. You're…sad."

"I'm sad?" An arrogant brow crinkled over an apathetic amber eye. "And how did you come up with that, oh wise and articulate one?"

Miroku shrugged. "Just makes sense is all."

InuYasha studied his friend for a few moments before turning back to the television. "I'm really not in the mood for whatever it is you're about to preach to me."

A soft sigh erupted beside him as Miroku flumped his body into the chair next to the bed. "That's too bad, because I think it would really help out the situation."

InuYasha snorted and turned the volume back on. "What situation?"

"About how you dealt with Kagome's scars."

InuYasha looked angrily at the guitarist before turning dark eyes back to the screen. "So, you did know about them."

Silence answered.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Wasn't our place to tell. Besides, I don't think even we were to know." Miroku recounted how they each discovered her secret.

InuYasha frowned and cast a quick glance over at his friend before continuing his channel surfing. "Would have saved me the trouble had you told me this sooner."

"And what difference would it have made had I done so?"

InuYasha threw the remote to the foot of the bed. "Well for fucking starters I wouldn't have…!" His throat closed tightly and he stared sourly at the bedspread.

"Wouldn't have still wanted her? That pretty low even for you." Miroku crossed his arms and sullenly watched the T.V.

InuYasha fought back the bitter retort before tired defeat took over. He shook his head slightly and sighed. "It… it wasn't that."

The guitarist flicked his eyes up to his best friend then back to the T.V. "Then enlighten me."

"It…it wasn't the scars…" he shut his eyes and winced. "I mean it was the scars, but it wasn't what you think. I mean they didn't bother me like that. I…." He growled. "Fuck it, why does it matter?"

"It matters," Miroku leaned his upper body on the bed, "because she trusted you the most."

"How's that possible? She didn't even have the guts to tell me." InuYasha gave Miroku an indignant look.

"Don't you get it?" Miroku snorted. "She never told us about her back. It wasn't until she was confronted about our knowledge of it did she talk about it. With you, she had you find them, trusting you to give her a reason not to keep them hidden. She wanted you to know."

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed in confused misery. "Why the hell did she think she could trust me with something like that? Why couldn't she just have said something?"

The dark haired man shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she still wanted you to see her and not her scars."

To see her for what she really was. His eyes lowered to the floor as grief burdened over his guilt. "Still, it would have been better had I known."

"And what would've that done?"

"It would have made me not take the chance." InuYasha stated dully.

"Chance?"

InuYasha sighed. "All this time, Miroku, I've been coming up with reasons why I shouldn't try with her. I finally came up with that I wasn't good enough." He turned to look forlornly at the man beside him. "Seeing those scars proved I wasn't."

Miroku frowned in confusion. "Why?"

InuYasha leaned heavily against the headboard and stared unconsciously at the television. "I've given up more in my life for less reasons, using my past as an excuse. And she… she's suffered more than I have, and yet she gained." His eyes drifted down to the cream comforter beneath him. "Why would she want to end up with me? After everything that I've done…. I have nothing to be proud of."

Miroku was silent for a few moments before he spoke. "Well… if you give her up, you'd be losing the one thing that you would be proud of."

The two men grew quiet and the sound of the T.V. drew their attention to an old anime rerun. They sat in silence as they watched, both lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until the credits rolled did Miroku finally speak.

"You know, I never knew if that fox demon was a girl or a boy."

"It's the bow that throws you." InuYasha yawned. "Either way, he's annoying. I'd pound the little shit too."

Miroku chuckled and stood. "Well, I think the missus must have her face on by now. You coming?"

InuYasha pulled his eyes from a car commercial to study his friend before he shook his head. "I'll pass."

"You can't hide from her forever. You'll need to make amends eventually."

One side of InuYasha's lips turned down in disturbed thought before he shrugged in resigned decision. "No. Just leave it."

"Seriously, man. You can't shun yourself from your band. At least come with us to WacDonalds."

Dark gold flicked up in annoyance. "You seriously think this can be fixed over a burger and large fries?"

Miroku shrugged. "I don't know what else to say."

InuYasha said nothing as he stared at the T.V.

"I'm worried about you." His friend sighed. "You're fading. Whatever's holding you back is also sucking your life away. What happened to that carefree, innocent kid I once knew?"

"Keh." InuYasha smirked dully. "There's nothing innocent about me."

"That's a shame. Do you miss it?"

InuYasha cast a perplexed gaze to Miroku, but the man already disappeared behind the closing door.

-+-

A/N: FINALLY! Another chapter written and another one in the works. Man, what has it been? One, two, three…. Oh my…well who's counting? The fact is that I got another chapter done! I was going to write more, but I thought I've held of posting long enough.

Guess you might want to know the hold up. Well…babies are a lot of work! I mean, seriously, I get up, change diaper, make breakfast, feed breakfast, put Alex down for a nap, change diaper, make lunch, feed lunch, put Alex down for a nap, change diaper, make supper, feed supper, play until bath time, have snack, have bath, have happy naked bummy time, bottle, story and bed. Standard baby schedule… but the spare time gets sucked into a time hole somewhere in there. I think it's located in my kitchen. Ulgh!

But aside from that, real life has been busy. Since Oct 19th, 2007, my entire world has changed. Not just the mommy thing, but my whole perception on what I knew and what I thought I knew and what I never knew I knew. Essentially it comes down to this:

Alex has a team. He has an Early Interventionist, a Physiotherapist, a Nutritionist, a Neurologist, an Occupational Therapist, a Peri-natal doctor, a peri-natal nurse, a Pediatrician, and the family doctor. He sees at least three of these people once a month.

It would be difficult to explain what each do and their role in Alex's life, but he is lucky to have so much support, though all that advice does get to me at times. The reason why he has so many professionals is because my son has cerebral palsy. It's nothing to worry about really. The hemorrhage in his brain caused damage to his motor cortex (as far as we know). The only area affected is the thought process that tells the left arm to move fluidly. His CP is very mild. It won't get worse over time, and it can even get better. His left arm isn't paralyzed. He can feel sensations and can move it and pick up objects (though not as accurate as he'd like), yet it is weaker than his right arm. Because his right arm does what his brain tells it to do all the time, he uses it…well…all the time, and neglects his left arm. His team of doctors is there to boot his butt and make him use his left. So much of playtime is actually "learn to use your left side" time.

One thing I'm learning from Alex is that he's very independent. Already 8 months corrected (11 months actual age), he has to feed himself without any help. It's annoying because the dog eats most of his meals since gravity is an interesting concept to Alex. Trying to make mealtime a clean time is like expecting my husband to deal with the recycling and not mess it up. It'll never happen. And he rarely cries, the baby, not the husband. He only fusses when he's tired. He amazes his medical team. They never met a more pleasant baby, and never one so aware and so bright. He is ahead when it comes to intelligence, and if his left arm didn't hold him back he'd be ahead in motor skills too. We are so in love with him. He's very ticklish and thinks his dad is hilarious, which is great, at least someone in the family does. He's very handsome and has this sly smile when he thinks he's being sneaky.

I love being a mom. I never thought I would be since I was never good with kids. I wasn't even good with myself growing up. But having that small person look up at you and say "dada" is wonderful. You can only imagine how I'd feel once he starts calling me "mama."

I want to thank all of you who've read the story so far and kept in touch, even if it's to see if I updated. And thank you to those who've reviewed. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your review, but I did appreciate each and every one of them. And thank you to those who wrote me emails, asking how things are and keeping me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. This year was both hard but also one filled with blessings! Thank you and love to you all!

Still living, loving and laughing!

WDW


	31. Lies and Liabilities

He was running fast and hard through a canopy of whirling colour. He barely saw where he was going and he thought for sure his lungs would burst from fierce exhilaration and panicked joy. A reckless laugh erupted from his throat as he dodged and jumped through the passing scenery, feeling that all he needed was one good leap to soar away from the force he could feel chasing him. That was until a blood-scattering pain seared through his heart that shocked his body immobile.

Short quick pants heaved from his aching chest as InuYasha flashed his eyes open. It was dark where he lay and he felt disoriented. What the fuck…?

He groaned as he tried to lift his hand to wipe the sweat beading down his face but found he couldn't move. Fear set in and he struggled in vain against the invisible force holding him at bay against something large and hard behind him. His throat seized up as he attempted to scream his rage but only a wheeze of hot air passed from his parched lips. Gasping back his parted breath, his frantic eyes quickly darted around the darkness surrounding him, searching for answers. Where the hell was he?

The pitch black gave nothing away.

He clenched his eyes tight as he willed his body to move once more, but it was no use. It was like he was paralyzed, save for the excruciating pain erupting from his chest. Peering down, he was almost gratified to know that he could at least move his head until what he saw made his heart double its rhythm against his rib cage. A large gaping hole was torn open above his left pectoral and hot blood flowed out like a small river, staining the cotton of his shirt. What the…? Was he shot?!

His mouth parted in shock before his senses took in the glowing red light that issued from the wound. The brightness would have been welcoming against the dismal world engulfing him were it not for the extreme agony of the injury.

But it was not physical pain he felt. It was much, much worse.

Terror, grief, regret - a vast array of torturous emotions flooded through his veins as he stared down at the hole in his chest. Memories he had tried to forget suddenly bombarded his mind, making him relive every last one.

His head shot up and he cried out in agony as he strained hard against the assault, wishing the thoughts and emotions would erupt from his body to relieve the suffering he was in. Why was this happening? Why did he have to go through Hell again? Wasn't his life penance enough?!

The light in the hole ebbed and waned with each pulse of pain. InuYasha clenched his teeth as he attempted to pour out the bullet from his flesh by will alone, anything to try to eject that burning anguish that was buried deep within his center. With an agonizing cry of painful release, a pearly orb dropped from the wound to spill onto the ground.

Heaving in crackling dry mouthfuls of air, InuYasha watched in morbid curiosity as the sphere bounced and finally rolled to a stop a few meters away. What was that thing? Was that what he was shot with? A bullet that size should have killed him. It should have detonated inside him and shredded his insides like pulp. It was eerie seeing it whole and clean on the ground before him, but he didn't dare question how. All that he cared about was that the anguish in his chest was now fading. But it wasn't so much of a relief as he thought it would be, for when the pain receded, terrifying loneliness welled up to reach every part of him that pain had never touched before.

And it felt worse than anything else.

He barely had a moment to absorb what had happened before panic shot through him like an electric current. His breath seized tight in his throat and his heart stopped for a few beats as he listened. Something was coming. It knew where he was. He could sense it staring at him in the darkness.

His eyes darted back to the glittering sphere below him. Its internal light was like a beacon in the dark, lighting a path to where he was bound. He loathed the small thing that lay there so innocently. He dared it to disappear, to cease to exist, but now that it was from his person, his will had no affect on it. Staring at it, he instantly knew that it was more than just a weapon against him, it was exactly what those hidden eyes wanted from him. He could feel their presence rushing toward its light.

He pushed hard against his restraints in a desperate bid to retrieve the gem. He needed to take it back! He struggled in vain against his paralyzing hold, thrashing his head against the heat and horror around him.

Suddenly he froze as a soft hiss brought his attention to the far edge of light beyond the jewel. He watched in panting terror as a distorted white hand crept from the blackness toward the orb.

"No," he choked, "please… don't…."

The hand clasped over the jewel and a sudden shock chilled his insides, making his body tremble as if all life was being sucked from his being. When the pain subsided, he felt oddly heavy and drained. 'Oh God….' He whimpered.

He didn't realize his eyes had shut and he blearily forced them back open to see who dared to do this to him. His jaw clenched in fury.

Kikyo.

A faint grin marred her pristine face as she watched him over the light of the gem held haphazardly in her grasp. Giving him a malicious glare, she cupped the orb within her hands and her flesh glowed red from the intense light she tried to crush. Again his body became cold and heavy as emptiness filled him, yet he was able to keep his eyes open this time. What was she doing to him? Was it the jewel that was doing this? He stared numbly ahead, hardly realizing that he was barely feeling anything. No loneliness, no pain….

He was just… coldly dying.

When the hands had opened, he noticed with slight remorse that the light from the jewel had faded, as if some of the darkness from the world around them had absorbed into it. Indeed, the world around him looked lighter, though he was still unable to make out his surroundings. He gazed slowly back up to the person holding the jewel prisoner. His eyes widened in shock before he growled low.

Naraku.

Black eyes flicked up and down InuYasha's form and a deep chuckle echoed around them. Naraku kept his gaze upon the prone man before him as he, too, covered the jewel with his hands as if to destroy it.

InuYasha felt the hold that was binding his body begin to slip. He could finally move on his own accord but he felt too weighted down want to. He pressed willingly against the force behind him in order to just stay standing. A red dawn seemed to rise around him, but he didn't bother to look. It wasn't important anymore. His mind could only look morbidly at the hidden gem.

When the light from the jewel was revealed again, it was barely even a whisper. Darkness seemed to swirl in its depths like black paint swallowing all colour. He knew that once the light was gone he would no longer exist, but he now barely felt anything about it to care.

With deadened eyes, he peered back up to the holder of the jewel and just blinked tiredly.

"It's you," he whispered. He steadily pushed himself higher against the object behind him to bring himself level with the betrayer. "Why?"

Identical golden eyes glinted hatefully back at him. "Because you lived."

InuYasha watched with heartless weariness as his double clenched the jewel within his fist and gave it a tight squeeze. Releasing his trembling hold, the now obsidian sphere dropped from his own hand and he watched as it fell heavily to his feet and rolled slowly to a stop. He gazed at his hand where he had just held the jewel before letting it fall limply to his side as he slid numbly to the ground. He didn't question what he had done. He didn't care whether he deserved it. All he knew was that he felt chilled…empty…gone.

He didn't know how long he sat there. Time didn't seem to matter to the dead. Yet a cruel thought lingered in the hollow of his being, triggering a last lingering care within him. 'What happens now?'

A faint tickle whispered across his nose, then another against his cheek, and a few more against his hair. He lifted his eyes slowly upwards to the blood red sky to see ash flow down like snow. Heat buffeted against his flesh and he could sense a fire looming all around him. It was then he decided to look at his surroundings.

He found he sat upon charred ground. Its blackened surface only hindered by the ash as it hissed on contact. All around him were various shades of red and yellow as he watched the city around and below him burn. He knew this place he was sure. It felt…familiar. Looking up once more he saw through the falling ash singed branches of a mighty tree as it caught the flame and heat descending on him, almost as if it was intentionally protecting him.

…Kagome.

It was amazing how so simple a name made a slight tremor erupt inside him, giving strength to that care that still existed somewhere inside him. Amazing still was how her face came so easily to his mind at this moment that it was instinct. When he lowered his gaze from the tree he wasn't surprised to see her standing there before him, as if she had always been there. She seemed unaffected by the devastation and ruin as his world cracked and thundered to the ground. Instead, her eyes flowed from his form to rest on the blackened gem between them slowly being coated with cinders.

He watched as she reached down and picked it up as if it were a fragile bauble of glass and cradled it within the palms of her gentle hands. Her vivid eyes, the only soothing colour in this God forsaken place, flittered back over to him.

"To have so much," she whispered, "to come to this."

"I didn't… I didn't know this would happen." He stated numbly as he slumped tiredly against the tree behind him. He wanted desperately to stand, to not show her any weakness, yet he could barely keep his eyes open as he watched her. "I just had to."

Her gaze drifted from his face to his still bleeding chest and a faint flicker of sadness came up from her depths. "Why?"

"It was killing me."

She looked upon the gem in her hands. "It carried so much pain. I understand why you would have thought so."

InuYasha barely gave a shrug and looked away. "It doesn't matter now. They destroyed it… and so have I." He murmured.

He felt her eyes upon him and tempted as he was to ignore her, he achingly looked back up to her.

Her lips drifted into a small smile as she whispered her knowing gaze from his face to the jewel, "No," she breathed, "…you haven't." She tenderly closed her palms as if in prayer, the gem buried between them.

Swirling, brilliant white light and cool air buffeted hard around them. InuYasha quickly closed his eyes and braced himself from the intensity of it all. The force of the power surged around them like a tornado and he gripped hard the roots of the tree in hopes that he would not be swept away. A roar soon ripped from his mouth but it was immediately swallowed within the torrent. And then everything went silent.

Panting, he slowly opened his eyes and drifted his gaze back to where she had stood, convinced that she was gone. Within that moment his life stood still and his heart beat soundly against his chest as he saw her innocent aura mingle against the pure snow falling around them. Gone was the fire and chaos of his hell. All was white, quiet and clean.

Kagome stepped forward lightly, barely making tracks in the snow, and softly kneeled down before him. Drawing her eyes level with his own, she opened her hands for him to see what she carried.

He slowly pulled his eyes away from her perfect face to rest on the jewel that glowed like a star in her palms.

"How…?" He exhaled, marveled by the brilliancy restored within it.

"It is always there, as it always was."

InuYasha glanced up at her, comprehending her illusive words, then let his eyes drift back down to the pure light. He frowned slightly. "Why can't I feel anything?"

"It's not where it belongs." She stretched out her hand in a gesture for him to take it.

Unconsciously, he rubbed the now healed flesh from where the jewel had erupted. "Will it hurt?"

She smiled softly. "Sometimes."

He searched her face for a long moment and then slowly reached out and grazed his fingers over the orb. He could feel the contained power emanating from it before he lifted it into his grasp. He gazed at it for a long while before looking up at Kagome who had started to walk away.

"What do I do with it?"

"You live, InuYasha." Her voice sounded hushed as the snow made her fade from view. "It's your soul."

"Hey, wake up, man, you've been in a daze all morning!"

InuYasha snapped his attention to his guitarist who was searching his face intently. Coming back to the present, he was vaguely aware of people rushing around him in an attempt to bring order to chaos as the final moments to Orientation was underway.

"You okay?" Miroku frowned.

InuYasha blinked and shook his head. He turned back to the mirror he was standing in front of as they prepped for the various bands' introductions within the bowels of the Hong Kong Stadium. "Yeah, it's nothing."

Miroku studied his friend for a few more moments but let the issue slide as he finished ruffling his hair.

A slight scowl marred InuYasha's face as he again attempted to brush the tangles out of his unruly mane but gave it up for loss. He was more inclined to tear it out then deal with it, especially since he couldn't get his mind off that goddamned dream he had last night. He had fucked up dreams before, most of which were induced by some high he was on, but they were easily forgotten. This one stuck. It nagged and burrowed deep like a parasite, and he itched to carve it out of his consciousness. But it was no use. It played over and over in his head like a sickening song, taunting and gnawing at his core.

Growling, he tossed the brush back onto the table and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He was slightly taken aback by the feral expression staring back at him, as if looking at a caged beast that wanted nothing more than to escape from the confines of his being. He dropped his gaze quickly from the disturbing sight and tried to shake off the uneasy quake churning inside his chest. He slowly shut his eyes and took in a few deep breaths in order to bring himself back his senses.

He didn't need to be a friggin' psychiatrist to know that his dream meant something, and it didn't take a genius to get at least it's overlaying meaning. He got the gist of what his stupid subconscious was saying enough to ignore it. But it wasn't the meaning that bothered him. What bothered him was the scene itself. Why was he at the Shrine in the Seventh Hell? Why did the dream show him vividly the fire and destruction of that day it burned to the ground? He wasn't there. Hell, he never even paid attention to it on the news when it happened, what, a decade ago? Fuck, he was sixteen! All he could remember was the power outages and sneaking out of that hellhole of a half way house. He didn't give a shit that part of the city was on fire. Not like he knew anyone that lived there. They were all middle class families with little white houses and parks and trees by the fucking sidewalk. What was a kid whose father was dead, mother a psycho, and elder brother at Tokyo University have to do with these people? They were a class of society who were so far above him when they were supposed to be so far below him. They were nameless, faceless and ordinary. Not important at all.

His eyes drifted up to look between the set up mirrors to see the laughing face of Kagome beyond. Her eyes twinkled with excitement and happiness as she talked with Sango.

Had he known then… would he have cared?

She was his age, his mind whispered. The lone survivor of a brutal attack caused by a faceless enemy. And it was all brought upon by a society that cared about nothing but money and power and….

Everything he was fighting for now.

He lowered his face to the floor. The funny thing was as much as he fought for those things, the less content he felt. Money and power were proving to be so very shallow. He had come to realize that there was no freedom in it for him. There was no happiness in it, because no matter how hard he worked for it, it would never be completely his. Was it ever anyone's completely? Did anyone ever have anything completely? Sure, money would give him everything he wanted, but at a cost of taking everything he needed: his freedom, his morality, his heart….

The very idea of such power was feeling more like an elaborate dream, and nothing of the world he knew was quite as it seemed. All this time he had believed this life he had built would keep him safe and alive. He worked so hard on this band to create a name for himself, to put him ahead of the ordinary. But he only realized too late he wasn't that special at all. He was beginning to wonder what exactly he was. What was the point of his life?

A soft sigh brought his attention back to the woman who barely stood more than four feet away from him, blocked only by an inch of reflective glass. She seemed subdued now that she was alone. Sango had left to join Miroku and Kouga as they waited for their position in the orientation parade. Kagome dallied a bit with her makeup, apparently lost in her own thoughts as she paused in what she was doing. Unconsciously she glanced up and her deep eyes automatically connected with his. For a brief moment InuYasha felt frozen, just like in his dream. But instead of fear and hopelessness, he was held firm by excitement, arousal and yearning. He quickly wrenched his eyes away and turned towards the growing crowd of musicians as he and his band were finally jockeyed into place by the coordinators.

He flinched as a warm arm brushed against his own but he didn't need to look over to know who it was. Her scent was ingrained into his awareness. Instinct, his mind echoed. Basic survival etched into the fabric of his subconscious, and she had become as essential as air.

His eyes automatically shut as he breathed her deeply in. When had she become such a strong part of him? When did this feeling of absolute connection awaken in him?

Was she even aware that she was so far inside him it hurt?

His subdued eyes opened to gaze unconsciously to the people in front of him. Her world was so very different than his. He wondered if they could ever stand on common ground. Could he ever be so worthy?

Images of fire and death flowed over his sight. Within his dream she had stood unfazed as her home, her family, and everything she knew was destroyed. She never looked back. Though he doubted it was so easy in real life, the fact remained she stood strong now. How was that possible? How did she live through it? Not just the fire but also the knowledge that everything she cared about was gone. How did it get from a devastating past to a life of selfless actions? Even in his dream all she cared about was that stupid marble that had caused him nothing but grief. He wished nothing more than to destroy it, to rid his self of the pain, to rid his self of the thing he knew would destroy him if people knew it existed. He didn't know how precious it was until it was too late.

She knew from the beginning.

InuYasha sighed slowly. He had sold his soul to too many that he barely knew he had anything left. Which was all well and good. The more indifferent he became, the less weak he was. He had tried so hard to prove to Kagome he was above and beyond her, that he couldn't be hurt or touched or hindered by emotions as trivial as hope and love and friendship. Little did he know of her strength because of those trivial emotions. Even now he could not fathom what she endured, how she had overcome and how she continued on. All he knew was that she was still here, whole and happy.

The world he created, he began to see, never really existed. Everything he created to strengthen him, to protect him, wasn't real. All the reasons, the deceptions and lies… she saw through them all. She saw him as he really was - alone.

And because of her, he didn't want to be alone anymore.

The question was now, what was he to do about it? She had opened herself to him to give him back his soul and he was clueless. What could he possibly do with the little that he had?

'You live….'

He blinked slowly. Casually his gaze drifted to the woman giggling beside him as Miroku teased Kouga about his nerves.

Live? Like she had? He knew he'd never have that power. Compared to her, his life was a drama and he felt ashamed that he chosen the paths that he did. He was weak he realized. He didn't deserve the gift she had given back to him.

But he also knew he'd be the biggest fool if he gave up what he knew to be his final chance of happiness. He finally saw her as she really was. She was all the good that he gave up in his attempt to block out all the evil he had consumed. And he wanted it back. He wanted her back.

But how?

He glanced up when the echoes of loud cheering erupted from the opened doors of the stadium and the competing bands before them walked out to be greeting by forty thousand fans, hundreds of video cameras and a multitude of flashes from digital cameras. The energy and excitement ran though every person in the stadium and beyond, enough to make even Kouga stop his fidgeting and enjoy himself as they waited for their turn.

Slowly he followed the line as they progressed onto the massive green field. Nearing the doors, he blinked as the light of the world outside shone down upon them when Perdition was finally introduced. InuYasha walked slowly out to see a multitude of people look down upon them. Smiles, waves and screams erupted from every seat in the house. A chill of adrenaline shot through his system as he swept his eyes around the stadium.

The arena was enormous. Scores of people from all over the world stood from their seats to cheer on their favourite bands. Colours, banners and flags rippled among the stands. He even recognized his own name raised above a few heads as Perdition walked out onto the grassy field.

Looking to the far end of the stadium, his interest landed on a massive theatre screen that showed his band in enormous relief. Kouga, Sango and Miroku were laughing and waving to the crowd, looking all around them and taking it all in just as he had done. Yet he barely cared for their reaction as his gaze looked to the image of the woman beside him.

Kagome's eyes were not on the stands, but above her.

Pulling his attention away from the screen, he chanced a glance at her profile. Immediately he felt the world around him disappear. The cheers and noise, flashes and people faded into nothingness as he gazed upon the beauty before him. Her smile was slight but it captured her light perfectly, and though her contentment enhanced her beauty it was her eyes that possessed him. They were so full of wonder and awe, innocence and virtue, wisdom and grace. They were the very essence of her life and the windows of her soul.

Pulling his enraptured heart away from her, he looked up to see what had captured her attention. He immediately paused and slowly his lips parted.

The sky was stretched over with layers of cumulonimbus clouds, dark gray and ominous, yet they were framed in blinding silver as the sun flared its existence behind them. The rolling waves of each vapour churned various shades of colour, telling that an impending storm was coming. However, through small gaps between the thunderclouds, rays of warm sunshine burst through to cast down onto the earth below. One such ray had opened to shine directly down upon them.

InuYasha shut his eyes from the intense heat and radiance. Instinctively he turned his face away to keep from being blinded. When he reopened his eyes, he instantly met the twin heavens of the woman beside him.

And she smiled.

A sudden ache erupted in his chest at seeing that smile once more, the one that was just for him. The one he had thought he would never be graced with again. He was tempted to believe this was another dream, but he found he couldn't possibly deny himself the opportunity.

Staring down into her beautiful eyes, he did the one thing he had never had the courage to do.

He smiled.

-+-

A soft hum erupted from the speaker built into the mahogany desk, making the business clad man glance from the flat screen television on the wall to his office door.

"Enter." His smooth voice flowed like honey from his throat.

The door opened silently as a slender woman walked in, giving the vast room a sweep with her dark eyes before she closed the door behind her.

"Ah, Kikyo." Gingerly, the man lifted his feet off the desk as he stood and walked around it casually. "I was beginning to think something happened to you."

Kikyo studied the body before her. His long black hair was immaculately tied at the nape of his neck and his gray Armani suit looked fresh and perfect upon his sculpted physique. Her distain filled eyes met the blackness of his.

"I came when I got your message, Mr. Onigumo."

His dark brow raised slightly as he rested against the desk behind him. "Such formalities, Kikyo. Come now, just because I own you doesn't mean that we can't be on friendly terms." He eyed her with a dark smirk on his face. "We've known each other much to long to let something as little as our past to…."

"What is it that you requested I meet with you, Naraku?" Her cold voice barely held the acidic venom behind it.

His smirk grew into a malicious smile. His gaze flowed back to the television over his mini bar. "I thought you'd like to join me in watching your little lover boy. Tomorrow will be his big break."

Kikyo pulled her attention to the screen. She scowled. "The fool thinks he has a chance at winning."

"Yes." Naraku smiled. "Actually, he stands a very good chance of winning. Surprisingly."

Silence fell between the two as they watched the beginning of the parade. Finally Naraku spoke. "He came to see me before he left. Apparently it took him awhile to find the message you left for me."

Kikyo's face grew pale, though it was hard to tell against her porcelain complexion. She flicked her eyes over to him then back to the television.

"Nothing to say?"

"What do you wish me to say?" She glowered, meeting his dark eyes.

"Hn." The man drawled as he studied her form then glanced to the screen as if nothing had transpired between them. "It seems that InuYasha is under the impression that he can finally be free of us. He stated that this little competition could finally pay for all that he owes and that the music contracts that he had signed would keep him in the industry for as long as his career lasts. What was odd about our conversation was that I got the funny feeling he thought that I would blackmail him to keep silent about his messy past."

"Oh?" Kikyo stated in a bored tone.

"Mmm." Naraku nodded though his attention remained on the event on the television. "I wonder where he got that idea?"

Kikyo dared a glance at her employer before returning her gaze, although distantly, back to the parade. "It's amazing he thinks at all. Where he gets his ideas I couldn't be bothered to know."

"In either case, apparently he will be making enough money to keep us quiet." Naraku waved his hand as he went to prepare himself a drink. "Too bad it was never money I was interested in. The stupid child has no clue how deep I have him."

A sudden sigh erupted from the woman behind him. "Why do you continue on with this, Naraku? Your revenge was against his father. What good is dragging his pathetic ass around when he's no longer involved with us? Why not take the money and…."

A used whiskey glass smashed violently at her feet, effectively making Kikyo hold her tongue.

"I will not be bought so easily." The man snarled.

The dark haired woman slowly brought her eyes up from the shattered glass to the profile of her employer.

"Taisho died too quickly to feel the pain he gave me." Naraku seethed, his countenance darkening with hatred. "And that damned heir of his knew too much to be blackmailed. No, Taisho is spinning in his grave knowing that I own his little bastard. For all that the father did to save his family, how horrid would it be to bleed his family dry through the actions of his favourite son. No, InuYasha will not be going anywhere anytime soon, not as long as I live."

Kikyo involuntary shuddered against the cold she could feel emanating from the man before her. She turned her face away. "Then what is it you want me to do?"

"You?" Naraku's voice turned quickly to honey once more. "What makes you think I want you to do anything?"

"Why else would you summon me?" She darted her face bravely over to look at him.

A faint laugh erupted from his lips before it rumbled into a deep chuckle. "I had trusted you too much with my affairs with InuYasha, and you have proven to be unreliable. No, I think a direct approach would be better considering."

Kikyo flicked her guarded eyes up and down his form. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that InuYasha will not have the opportunity to dare refuse me. As for you." Naraku loosened his tie as he watched his prize walk onto the screen. "You will repay me for those pills you took." His malicious eyes turned deadly as he looked over at her. "And then I will repay you for interfering."

-+-

A/N Other than teething issues and security issues, he is sleeping through the nights, giving me an hour or two to write  More will come, I'm still here! And the story will be finished, I promise.

A special thanks for Rooting4Kagome! Your reviews brought me back to realize I have a life beyond being a mommy and stirred me back to writing, which I love. I do hope you like the chapter, and all the chapters soon to come!

Living through diapers, Laughing through milestones and Loving every moment…

WDW


	32. Chance of a Lifetime

Turbulent clouds amassed on the horizon and rolled like a tidal wave toward land. Earlier during the day they had blown out to sea but now were making headland with more force sucked into their billows.

Kagome watched the flicker and flash of the distant lightning erupting in their folds. The air was thick with ozone, wet wind and impending destruction. It was cold, thrilling…dangerous.

Shivering, she cast her sight down to the seawater below her. The waves rolled high and dark green underneath the massive wharf of the Ocean Terminal from where she stood, skewing the reflected night lights of Hong Kong's skyline upon the Victoria Harbour. Behind her she could hear the hustle of customers inside the four-story shopping center that lined the entire pier, connecting the terminal with the Marco Polo Hotel. In fact, the wharf was just a fraction of the stores that made up Harbour City, the colossal mall that linked the Ocean Terminal and Marco Polo Hotel with various avenues all the way to the Gateway. All in all, it was three blocks of stores, activities and restaurants to suit every demand, which would explain why very few were outside enjoying the scenery.

Of course, the soft rain would also deter most from venturing outdoors, seeking instead the comfort, warmth and familiarity of industry. But not her. She was content to watch and listen from the emptiness of the pier and pause her life for as long as she was able. Inhaling deep, the scent of brine and gasoline invaded her senses and she instinctively wrapped her jacket around her as the waft of heat from the moored Cruise ships washed over her.

She sighed as she rested her head on her hands on the iron railing and again watched the shipping lane as the various boats rushed to avoid the storm. Several pedestrians scuttled by her with bowed heads, not making eye contact with anyone. It was amazing that they all didn't bump into each other. So many people resided in this city and yet barely few took the time to notice each other. It was as if they never realized they weren't alone – too absorbed in their own worlds to see they were only apart of one. It was an odd lonely feeling watching them.

A large flash followed by a vibrating roll of thunder heralded the promising onslaught of torrential rain, which, at the moment, pelted down softly upon the water and her hair. Glancing up from her musings, she quickly realized that everyone had gone inside, seeing only a few stragglers running to the shopping center's entrances in an attempt to stay dry. She knew she should join them but her feet refused to move as her mind found purchase in humble thought.

It was hard not to think of him. So often she tried not to, to keep at bay that steady ache that cloaked her heart but it was near impossible. Every time her mind managed to forget him for a moment, her very being felt empty and afraid. And when she quickly stopped to ponder why, his face would come to her, filling her up again with that precious ache. It was no use, she decided. He was in her. He was her mind, body and spirit. And she couldn't let him go anymore than she could let go those very things he possessed.

She loved him. She knew that from the very fiber of her being. And she loved him all the more after what had happened since that night at the club.

Oh yes, don't get her wrong; she had hurt when he cast her off after seeing her scars. Her mind screamed bitterness and betrayal, trying desperately to harden her heart, to twist her feelings around to hate him. But she couldn't. She didn't know why since hating him would have been such an easy thing to do, but it was almost as if some force shielded herself from his actions, whispering words of hope. And that hurt most of all. The 'what if.' She felt the most grief from that emotion alone. It battered her frame of mind that had neither understanding nor comprehension of what to do. She couldn't see beyond that haze of uncertainty and yet she hoped.

For what, she wasn't entirely clear.

Given time, she had thought, maybe he would see past her scars. Given time maybe he could grow to love her too. Give time maybe they could be….

Be what?

Husband and wife? Parents to beautiful babies? Lovers?

She blushed at that last thought before she mentally shook herself.

All those and more she desired but had thought they were oceans of impossibilities. Yet skimming at the surface, a lonely buoy floated on those tremulous dreams and fantasies carrying an aching wish: for him to eventually feel something for her. But even that felt too far-fetched.

Until today.

He had smiled at her, her lips lifted happily, yet it was such a fragile smile. What could she do but fall in love with him all over again? Especially after what she heard last night.

_InuYasha had barricaded himself in his room avoiding his friends as he had done all week. It was understandable. Kouga and Sango were not so forgiving of his actions at the club as Miroku had been. Sango particularly regaled them with vicious and twisted, albeit imaginative, forms of torture she had planned for their singer. Kagome knew it was Sango's way of making her feel better, but it only made her feel worse. She just wished it were forgotten. The less that was brought up about that night the better. It was bad enough it was replaying in her mind. She didn't need to hear it playing over in others._

_She was thankful that Miroku had stopped Sango's tirade before she really picked up steam. They were sitting in a booth in WacDonalds when Miroku finally came to join them, saying that InuYasha wasn't coming. She was both relieved and upset to hear it but hoped to hide both feelings as she dabbed her fries in her flavoured mayonnaise_.

_Sango had looked offended that Miroku cut her off but quickly changed her attitude when he gave her a stern look_.

_"You judge your best friend too harshly. You above all should know how he really feels."_

_Sango's mouth had shut with a clack and her eyes turned quickly to Kagome before falling to her forgotten burger. She said no more on the subject and neither did anyone else. It confused Kagome greatly but she didn't press, yet for some reason that nagging hope rose a little higher inside her._

_Later that night the four of them had stumbled upon an elaborate fountain built in front of the Hong Kong Cultural Center, just across the street from the hotel. She was keen to investigate its architecture. It was a massive globe resting high on its arched support. It spun lazily over the clear water that rested quietly in a collective pool beneath it. Bronze plating shimmered various colours against the spotlights that illuminated its frame, clearly showing the Earth in bas-relief. Mountains, valleys, ocean trenches and ice caps marred its perfect symmetry, yet on closer inspection, these imperfections were in fact words. Or specifically one word etched in each earthly formation and translated in almost every world language across the globe._

_'Believe.'_

_It struck her to the core. She was amazed how that one word spoke volumes, stated philosophies, ideas and thought. She just stood there and examined that word in all its forms as it spun by_.

"_Beautiful, isn't it?" Miroku said_.

_She nodded, unable to look away_.

"_Why don't you make a wish?"_

_Kagome blinked and turned to him in confusion. He was holding out a few yen coins to be tossed into the water before them._

_Smiling, she took a coin and palmed it. Her gaze drifted to the dark water that glowed several shades of silver and gold from the numerous coins at the bottom. What to wish for? There so many things she wanted at that moment is was hard to choose just one. A soft splash from Miroku's coin jolted her out of her musings._

_"You can't ponder a wish or you'll ask for a possibility. Wishes are for impossibilities." He said._

_Looking down at her coin, she sighed and deftly turned her hand and watched the coin slip from her grasp to dive weightless into the water below._

_Silence seemed to cover them in a warm blanket before Miroku softly spoke._

_"He cares about you, you know."_

_"What?" She turned to look at him in shock._

_"InuYasha. He cares for you, deeply."_

_Kagome's breath hitched in her throat. "Wh…why do you say that?"_

_He shrugged. "Because he's my friend."_

_Her lips opened as several questions wanted to leap out of her, but only a hush of excited panic passed through them. She quickly tried to reign in her rising hope as doubt lingered on the backburner. "How…how do you know?"_

_A faint smile tickled Miroku's lips as he looked over on the sly at Kouga and Sango from where they sat at a bench further away. Casting his eyes back onto the water beside them he quietly told her how InuYasha perceived that night at the karaoke club. When he had finished, she stood stunned at his final words._

Even now, after seeing how InuYasha reacted at the Orientation, she was still overwhelmed.

How could she have missed it? All this time with him, getting to know who he was through his actions with his friends, she never saw him as he truly was. Not entirely. She knew his strength, knew his pride, knew his good, but she was completely blind on his heart.

Because she was seeing him through her own.

What a fool she had been not to see the truth. She ignored his weaknesses, not seeing them for what he was. She had lost sight that those weaknesses were how he saw himself, which made him doubt his self worth.

_"From the moment he met you, he has tried so hard to knock you off that pedestal." Miroku said._

_"What pedestal?" She remarked in offense._

_"The one he put you on." He grinned. "From the very beginning he put you far out of his reach, thinking you too far above him to care about him."_

_She frowned. "I don't understand, why would he put me up there only to knock me down?"_

_A soft chuckled past his wry lips. "Because if you fell he wouldn't have wanted you."_

_"That doesn't make sense. He put me too far above him, thinking me indifferent, then tried to make me fall to prove I'm worthless? That would mean he was setting me up to hate me either way."_

_"Ingenious, isn't he?" Miroku's smile deepened._

"_Why… why would he do that?"_

_"To protect himself," he sighed. "He had been knocked down too often in his life that it's amazing he ever found the strength to stand."_

_"But that's what I love about him." Her voice came out in a whisper._

_Miroku looked at her closely. "It's also the reason why he believes he is undeserving of it."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because after everything you've been through, you can still love."_

She could still love. Kagome shook her head and leaned back from the railing to cast her eyes up to the looming sky once more. It was impossible to think such a wonderful gift such as love could be such a curse. He felt he didn't deserve her affections and after seeing her scars, knowing what she went through, he pushed her even further out of his reach.

But something was different this time. He stopped trying to make her fall. She soon realized it wasn't that he pushed her away because he thought she was too good, he pushed himself away because he thought he was too bad.

Had she known this she would have easily proved him wrong. Instead her doubts brought up her own insecurities to formulate that she was not what he wanted. How could she prove her worth to him when she barely felt she had any after that night? She was eternally grateful that Miroku had talked to her last night about it. He made her see that she was so much more to InuYasha than she ever realized.

And she saw it for a few precious seconds today.

His smile. It was so unexpected and so precariously unguarded before he looked away, almost as if shocked he had done it.

The memory sent delighted shivers up her spine. Something in him this morning had let go of his inhibitions, although only for a moment. What allowed her that one sweet gift?

Did it matter?

No, she smiled happily. All she cared about was that she could still love him and love him she would for as long as she was able. As long as he continued to give her that chance. All she hoped for now was an opportunity to prove it to him.

Wet footsteps approached her slowly from behind, pushing her out of her musings. Glancing casually over her shoulder, her eyes instinctively widened and she whipped around in fright.

"Well look what happens to be out here all alone." A raspy voice snickered from a man dressed in a large leather overcoat. His black eyes lingered hungrily on her body as two other hard men came to stand on either side of him. "Care to go for a ride?"

Kagome backed up against the dripping railing behind her as he reached out and grabbed her arm hard. She cried out in pain and struggled against his hold. "Let me go!"

"It best you keep silent, girl, or else." His grip tightened as he started to drag her towards him.

Using his pull as momentum, she collided her body up against his and hiked her knee up to connect with his groin with as much force as she could muster.

Her assailant instantly collapsed onto his hands and knees in a sputtering heap. Using the moment of confusion, she attempted to jump over him to run to safety. Three hands quickly wrapped around her body as the thugs who were with him pulled her back. She thrashed wildly in the hold of the larger of them but was held firm as she was forced back to face the man she had just incapacitated.

His black eyes seemed to look even darker as he glared up at her hatefully. Pulling himself up to his knees, he growled. "You will live to regret that."

"What do you want with me?" She gasped against the pressure of her captor's iron grip around her chest.

The prone man pushed himself shakily to his feet, his eyes still boring maliciously into her soul. "Just you, alone."

"I'm not alone." She said automatically, though her voice shook and scratched against the hollow of her throat.

The man chuckled. "It's been just you for two hours. Who do you think is going to show up now?"

Kagome let out a startled scream as the man holding her thrust backwards in agony, letting her go in reflex. She stumbled slightly to the ground, barely registering the brute's choke on paralyzed pain from where his kidney was punched hard from behind, before she was swiftly pushed to the side when the smaller thug was knocked forward to topple haphazardly into the gang leader.

Quickly gaining her senses, she scrambled to her feet and darted away from reaching distance, only turning around when a familiar roar emitted from the fray.

'InuYasha!'

He was already in the action of swinging a punch at the smaller lackey, punishing him to the ground with the force of his fist. Unfortunately it left an opening for the bigger thug to catch his breath and grab InuYasha by his damp t-shirt and heft a huge punch to his gut.

InuYasha went down in a rasp of blocked off air but quickly regained his composure to thrust his body headlong into the gaint's abdomen, effectively tumbling him to the ground. Straddling the man's waist, InuYasha pinned his chest with one locked arm and began to hit his face with everything he was worth. The thug leader knocked him off and immediately began to kick InuYasha in the stomach, creating a sickening sound with each impact.

Without so much as a thought, Kagome ran back into the fight and roundhouse kicked the leader in the throat before he saw her coming. He went down hard, gripping his neck as he struggled to breathe. Turning around, Kagome quickly scoped out her surroundings. The smaller thug was already running off while the larger was struggling to his feet, his face bloody and bruised. She dropped swiftly down to shield InuYasha from more abuse, but it wasn't needed. As soon as the giant assessed the situation, he grabbed the gasping boss by his overcoat and ran after their comrade.

Kagome blinked hard, losing sight of them quickly as the heavens above them decided at that moment to open, drenching them in a heavy downpour. A pitiful moan brought her attention back to the man she was covering and she sat back on her knees as InuYasha struggled to sit up.

He grabbed his chest as a wave of anguish passed over his features and he collapsed back down into a quickly forming puddle.

"Lie still, I'm going to call emergency." Kagome said, moving to get up.

"No!" He coughed as he grasped her arm. "It won't matter. They'll be long gone by the time any help has come. Just…just let me get up."

Standing, though her legs shook from shock and adrenaline, Kagome reached down and helped to pull him into a sitting position, then to stand.

"Come on," she trembled, using her body as a crutch. "We need to get you to a hospital."

InuYasha shook his head. "No. No hospital."

"But you're hurt!" She argued.

"Barely," he grimaced. "Been in worse…" his voice broke in a wave of pain.

"Inu…" Kagome pleaded.

His grip around her shoulders tightened as he motioned towards the hotel no more than a block away. "Just get us there fast."

With a lot of effort, Kagome held her tongue and guided him back to the hotel and then to his room. He acted like he was in very little pain, keeping his head up and body steady the entire way. She would almost believe people thought they were a couple if it wasn't for the bitter scowl on his face. She began to ease, thinking maybe he wasn't hurt as bad as she thought, until the room door closed behind them. He immediately let go of her shoulders and collapsed onto the floor.

"InuYasha!" Her voice barely made it past a whisper as she dropped to the floor beside him.

He quickly waved her off and struggled onto his hands and knees then achingly to his feet, pushing away any attempts she made to help.

Kagome bit her lower lip before shaking her head. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Not saying a word, he reluctantly followed her to the bathroom where she guided him to sit on the closed toilet seat.

"Wait here," she stated and then disappeared out his room.

Groaning, he stood and moved to lean heavily against the sink and examine himself in the mirror. Thankfully no visible signs showed from the fight, having taken the brunt mostly to the chest and stomach. Looking down, he was repulsed to see that his hands were marred by the shithead's blood. Turning on the hot water, he began to wash the evidence away, examining his hands as he did. Good, no visible cuts, though he was sure heavy bruising would result from the swollen red around his knuckles. He might have to wear gloves for awhile.

A faint click brought his attention to the mirror as he watched Kagome jog into the bathroom carrying a first aid kit. He frowned.

"Where did you get that?"

"My suitcase."

Tension eased from his body as he snorted. "You carry that around wherever you go?"

She nodded, not heeding the humor or incredulity in his voice. "You never know…."

He blinked then shook his head slightly.

"Sit." She commanded.

Studying her face in the mirror, he sighed and moved to sit back on the toilet.

His breath caught swiftly in his throat when her warm fingers grazed the expanse of his chest as she promptly removed his shirt.

"Sorry." She whispered, catching his eye for a moment before opening her kit.

His brow itched in confusion before he realized she thought she hurt him. He wasn't about to correct her by saying that her touch made him desire her, or rather it did until her palm pushed against a very sensitive and painful area on his ribs.

He inhaled deep and swiftly clutched at the counter with one hand and the toilet paper roll in the other to keep from moving. Fuck that hurt!

"It doesn't feel like anything is broken," she murmured as she pushed lightly against each rib and then his stomach, "but I still think you should go see a doctor."

"And tell him what?" He said, watching her intently as she began to bound his chest in gauze.

"That you were in a fight!" She snapped, not in anger but in tightly contained fright.

He didn't miss the emotion behind her words or her actions as she gently rolled the sterilized strip around his torso. He relaxed his arms but held them up for her to finish her mending. "And how would the organizers of the competition take the news if they found out I was in a fight?"

Kagome's mouth opened and closed as she peered up at him in disbelief. "It was self defense! There is no way they could penalize you for… for…." She ducked her head as a wave of emotion swept over her, nearly rendering her to tears. She folded the end of the bandage and clipped it in place. "You saved my life." She murmured.

InuYasha blinked a few times then shrugged, letting his arms fall to his sides. He tested his chest with a few large steady breaths, wincing against the pain it caused, but it was much less than what it was before. "I hardly saved your life."

"What are you talking about? Who knows where I'd be right now if you hadn't shown up."

He winced at the idea, but quickly pushed it aside. She was safe and in one piece, that's all that mattered. His honeyed eyes drifted down to look into her frantic blue as she kneeled before him. "Considering what you did to the fucker that tried to take you, I'd say he'd think twice before taking on a lonely girl."

She eyed him briefly before a soft smile etched across her lips. "I was hardly alone."

He looked at her in confusion before he turned his head away in embarrassed realization. "Yeah, well, no one knew where you were, and Sango was getting worried, and fuck if the other two morons knew where to look. Besides, I was going out for a smoke anyways…."

"I see," she nodded and turned her attention to cleaning up her first aid kit.

Silence burned uncomfortably in InuYasha's eardrums before he blurted. "Where'd you learn to do that, that kick thing?"

Kagome blushed as she ducked her head down further. "Tae Bo Boxing on Blu-ray."

InuYasha sat stunned for a few moments before a deep chuckle erupted from his chest. He quickly tried to squelch it as his chest burned in agony.

"Fuck, I think I need some ice." He grimaced.

"I'll get it for you. But first let me help you to bed."

He shook his head as he stood, pushing her back with a contrary frown. "I'm fine, I can do it on my own."

"Yes, but it can be done faster with my help," she said, snapping her kit shut as if to say that was the end of their argument.

He shrugged tiredly as he stumbled from the bathroom towards the bed. "Fine, do what you want."

Kagome gave his back a small frown before following him to the main room to make sure he wouldn't fall again. When he reached the bed she sighed slightly. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She grabbed the small ice bucket and his card key. "Try not to move."

He just grunted as he gingerly stretched his body out on his bed, kicking his boots off in the process.

Giving him one last glance, she slipped hurriedly from the room.

Several minutes passed before she returned with ice and aspirin. Closing the door with a resounding snap she looked up at the bed and stopped suddenly in her haste. It seemed it wasn't needed, as he was already asleep. Holding her breath, she quietly placed the items on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed to watch him.

His bound chest rose and fell steadily and dark bruising was beginning to form under the edges of the gauze. It looked beyond painful.

Her cool eyes snapped up to his face. By goodness the man was stubborn! Any other sane person would have seen a medic to assure there were no internal injuries, but he acted like it was nothing.

'Been in worse….' He had said.

She bit her lower lip and worried it between her teeth. It wasn't right that he had been in this situation, let alone more to warrant a comparison. And it wasn't fair. He never deserved any of it no matter what he thought.

Her fingers stretched up like they had a mind of their own and traced the subtle line of his cheekbones, down over the rims of his parted lips, to finally rest along his jawbone. Leaning over him softly so as not to touch his injuries, she placed a delicate kiss on his lower lip.

"Never again." She whispered. "I promise."

Standing silently, she turned off the lights and waited.

-+-

A/N: I was going to continue on, but thought the next bit of the story too long to put into this chapter. Besides, what's about to happen requires a whole new chapter to itself. I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but a girlfriend of mine loaned me these Highlander books by Karen Marie Moning. Let's just say I read all seven in a week and I was about to convince my husband that we should move to Scotland. Then I gave myself a day or two for the hormones to back down and then Googled what a real Highlander looked like. The appeal left suddenly for some reason.

Anyways, hurray! I didn't take me a year to update and the next should be up just as quickly if I'm lucky and don't get distracted by rogue, time traveling sex gods that can succumb a woman's niblets to jelly by the mere brogue on his lustful tongue.

Auch!

Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	33. Nothing Else Matters

A roll of thunder echoed over the windswept harbour as it flowed over the high buildings of the sleeping city before dissolving into the emptiness of the night. InuYasha stirred slightly as it rumbled overhead and slowly opened his eyes to the darkness of his hotel room. Taking in a deep yawn, he immediately winced at the tenderness of his stomach and cautiously eased back against the mattress as his mind hazily relayed the events of that evening and the reasoning behind his current predicament. Fuck, he was never being heroic again.

His hand automatically lifted to cover the throbbing ache in his torso but met with fabric instead. With an apprehensive moue, he lifted the down comforter covering him to assess his injuries hidden by thick gauze. His lips lifted wryly, he had almost forgotten that part; Kagome had helped him back to his room and fixed him up. He must have fallen asleep when she left to get the ice. Did she even come back? His curiosity shifted around the room, barely taking in the condensation covered bucket on his nightstand and the medical kit on the floor, before he caught sight of her blue silhouette standing by the large bay window beyond the far side of his bed.

Thankfully Kagome didn't seem to notice that he was awake, as she barely moved while she stared out at the city, giving him secret freedom to study her. He stifled a moan as he slowly perused her body. God, she was beautiful. Her expression looked tiredly reposed as she followed the tracks of rain upon the window, whose shadows whispered across her face like blackened tears, and the blue of the outside lights cast a cool halo upon her skin, illuminating her in an unearthly glow. Her hair, still tussled from the storm, looked to be twisted with fine strands of sapphire, which spilled down in winding tendrils over her silk covered back. The white of the robe she was dressed in, no doubt having shed off her damp clothes, looked ethereal against the blackness of the room.

She was an angel, he was convinced, standing in sweet vigil as she watched the world outside, taking in every action that her eyes could see, yet no one knew she even existed. No one, save for one man who could never see anything else.

InuYasha silently allowed his body to relax when he realized that she wasn't going anywhere. In fact it looked like she hadn't moved from that spot in some time. His eyes roamed quickly to the clock beside him. It was half past one in the morning. He had been out for four hours. Had she been standing there all this time? She must be exhausted. Why hadn't she gone back to her own room?

He slowly looked back over at her form and took further notice of the fatigue on her face. He mentally shook his head as the truth hit him. She wasn't watching over the city - she was watching over him. His heart doubled its rhythm. It was something he should have expected from her by now. There had never been a moment when she wasn't there when he needed her.

He breathed in disbelief, what had he done to deserve her? He must have done one thing right in his forsaken life to be blessed by her. He wished he knew what, for it would be the one thing he would not regret. But even so, what had ever possessed her to stay?

He slowly cast his eyes over her once more, taking in each probability and impossibility that was this enigma before him. With each moment that passed, the more he became mystified by the woman he had once believed an open book. He desperately wanted to know her story, he wanted to know how she came to be here, but most of all he wanted to know….

"Why did you survive?" His sleep-deepened words filtered over the heavy pelting of the rain on the window, sounding oddly displaced between the rhythmic sounds of the storm outside.

She didn't seem to be surprised by the interruption of his voice. In fact it felt like she was waiting for him to speak as she slowly sighed and turned to face him. She gently rubbed her chilled arms. "Because I had to."

She treaded softly over the lush carpet and sat on the side of his bed. He silently took in the soft folds of the hotel robe as she tucked her knees up under her and covered her lap with a corner of his comforter. The warmth of her body next to his coaxed a slight shiver from his flesh as she settled herself comfortably without pretense or sexual agenda. It felt…nice.

"How're you feeling?" She asked, bringing his attention up to her concern filled eyes.

"Sore." He grimaced as he moved to sit up and a little away from her, bunching the blanket up around his bound torso. "But it'll pass."

She nodded and moved to hand him a glass of water and some pills that were on the bedside table before settling herself back into the bed's folds. "Here, this will help some."

Taking them gratefully, he quickly swallowed the medicine and drank the rest of the water in slow sips. He was silent a few moments before placing the glass back on the side table next to him. With a heavy breath, he finally asked. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"No," he shook his head as he looked at her dead on. "I mean, why are you here? Why are you still with me after…everything?"

She searched his face intently before lowering her gaze to the floor. "Because… this is why I exist." She slowly peered back up at him. "Does that make any sense?"

His brows creased slightly and he faintly shook his head.

She flushed and turned her eyes down to her fidgeting fingers in her lap. "Sometimes," her voice was barely above a whisper, "I ask myself that same question. Why did I live when no one else had? When you think about it in that perspective, it's only natural to think that there must be purpose for your life, a reason why you exist."

InuYasha frowned. "Do you think that's why you're here… for some preordained destiny? Is that why you act the way you do with me? Because you feel you have an obligation just because you lived?"

Kagome shook her head. "No. Had that night occurred differently, had circumstances been… orchestrated, maybe I would feel obligated. But… what happened that night made me only become humbled to how precious life is. I live my life because I can no longer take it for granted. I behave like this because I found a purpose after that night, but not because I lived, but… because I live."

"What does that mean?"

She sighed as she continued to play with her fingers. "We all have a reason for living, but few ever know that reason. People can spend their whole lives just living and never understand why they even get up in the morning. I was lucky enough to find my purpose because of what I went through, and it made…made a little more sense to why I am here."

InuYasha studied her frame a few moments as her words settled uneasily in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't up for a philosophical debate of why they exist, but he was curious about how she came to this way of thinking. "So then…what happened that gave you a reason for living?"

Kagome turned to look at him, her heavenly eyes revealing secrets he never knew existed, but also an underlying sadness he didn't fully understand. She slowly blinked, the vividness of her eyes faded as her mind went swiftly away into memory. He was afraid she wasn't going to answer before her pale voice whispered through the dark. "It was my fifteenth birthday."

"What?" InuYasha sat up straight despite the shooting tenderness in his gut. "Your birthday?" Seriously? "Wait, wasn't that the birthday you got that weird hand from your grandpa?"

Kagome nodded distractedly. "And Buyo got sick on mom's new rug. Souta and I played hide and seek around the God Tree and we had cake on the veranda. We watched the sun set from the shrine stairs. It was a good day. It was a really good day."

InuYasha watched in pallid silence as her expression looked distant and her tone lowered to almost a dead weight.

"I woke up to what I thought was thunder and then the house shattered around me. My bed had plummeted through the floor and I landed underneath my mattress in the room below. There was a high pitch squeal in the air, like fireworks. I remember screaming. Then I heard… voices. Souta was shouting for mom. He sounded so far away." Her eyes shifted as she relived that night. "He was crying, terrified, but no one was answering. I had to get to him. I tried to crawl out from under the mattress, but it was so heavy. I think beams from the house landed on top. I managed to get out, but everything was burning, I didn't know where I was. There was so much smoke. I ran, but I didn't know where I was going. The rooms were gone. Everything was buried under wood, furniture, our roof….

'I kept yelling for Souta. I could hear him but he was so far away. I could… I couldn't get close enough to find him. Then the ground shook with another explosion. I think I blacked out. When I opened my eyes I was lying on broken glass and… there were timbers burning my back. I couldn't move. My ears were ringing so badly and I hurt. It was like a freight train was running over me. I know I was crying out, but… no one was coming. I couldn't even hear Souta anymore."

Her hand lifted to rub her shoulder unconsciously. "I remember…the heat was blistering. I… I was on fire. I was being burned alive but then," she pointed faintly to her right, "something large fell and the beam on me lifted. I could get out. I kept crawling until I felt something large in front of me. It was the God Tree. I was outside but it was hard to tell. Fire and pieces of my house were everywhere. The ringing got louder and then I realized it wasn't me. The ringing I was hearing was coming from the city, but… not the city. It was gone. Everything was gone - there was nothing but black and red. It looked like the world was swallowed up and Hell had taken over. Bodies were moving in the streets before falling in heaps. It was because of the sky." Kagome looked up as if seeing it all over again. "It was raining melted rubber and oil, everything that was touched was consumed in flame. The God Tree kept me from being boiled alive, but I knew I had to find cover. I kept crawling until I felt wooden doors. The well house was still standing. I slid through and down the stairs. Ash was falling through the cracks like rain. I knew it wasn't long before the well house would be gone too. There was only one more place for me to go. Without a thought I let my body fall into the well…."

Kagome blinked tiredly as she pulled herself out of the past. She lowered her gaze and picked feathers blindly out of the ivory comforter. "By some miracle it never caught fire. I spent three days in that well, it kept me alive until someone found me."

InuYasha covered his mouth with his hand while she said this. Visions of an old, empty well swirled across his sight on a night not long ago, on a night when he watched her spill lotus petals on a world she had lost nine years ago. His brows furrowed in slight uncertainty as he thought about it. "Last Friday," he paused, unsure how to proceed without letting on that he had seen her, "was the anniversary of that explosion…."

Her head tilted in what he took to be a nod. "I also turned twenty four. Since that night I have never celebrated my birthday. Instead I honor that night." Her gaze drifted to the window as if to see her childhood home across the sea. "And I watch the dawning of a new day."

InuYasha shut his eyes as overwhelming grief and remorse rose up in him. He had often come to the Seventh Hell for a drop off, never thinking about its significance. He had looked upon that tree with distain and disgust, he mocked the useless well that never held water, and he walked across those grounds never thinking about a family buried there. And worse of all, he dishonored and misjudged the one who had called it home.

Before he had seen her that night he had believed she was incapable of feeling heartache, pain and regret - of being human. And in a moment that felt like a lifetime ago, he witnessed that she was beyond everything that he had ever felt himself. And he never knew. He never knew any of it. "God, I'm so sorry, Kagome."

His apology would never atone for what he had done against her and she would never realize that it even was an apology. The words were so cliché, so ordinary and overused by those who had nothing else to say. But to him it was the only phrase he had to express his repentance, and it barely touched the surface to how he felt.

Silence swept over the room and weighed him down like grave dirt. He wished he never brought this up. He wished he lay oblivious to her past, because the more he saw of it the more he realized how much of it they shared. How entwined was his life with hers? Kohaku, Souten, the Shrine – were but pieces of how their lives were connected. What other messes did he leave for her to clean up? What other grievances had he committed unknowingly against her? With a heavy soul, he pledged from that moment on that he would make it up to her in anyway he could.

"I didn't want to die." Her quiet voice revived him from his penitence.

"What?" His voice sounded gravely, having lost himself from the conversation.

"The reason, I think… why I lived." She sat back and let a bare leg fall over the side, the edges of her scars glowed faintly against the window's reflection. "I didn't want to die. When I lay inside that well I felt a will to keep going. I never really understood it. The pain I was in was beyond anything I'd ever felt - my skin tore every time I moved and dirt got into my broken blisters. It felt like I was still on fire. I would have thought my body would give out on me. And I was so thirsty. I would have given anything for a drop of water." A low rumble went ignored past the window. "I would have died in happiness had it rained, had the water fell through the cracks and onto me. I would have given in had something gave me any bit of relief. But it never did.

"I spent most of the time blacking out. I was always surprised when I woke up, often expecting to die in my sleep. And after I was pulled out of the well, saw the devastation and the fires still burning, after all the pain of doctors pulling off my dead flesh at the hospital, of seeing scars that would never fade, after the realization that I could never go home again, I still lived. It took a long time for me to figure out why. The only answer I had was that I lived because I wanted to. Then the question was what did I want to live for?"

She unconsciously smoothed back the bedspread on her lap, letting her fingers roam over the cool surface. "At first I lived for the family I lost, then for the new family I entered into, and then for the lost children I took care of. But I soon realized it was not them I was living for. It was never them I was living for. It was none of them that I felt when I was inside the well. There was something else that triggered that drive to keep going, like some voice that made me anticipate that there was something waiting for me, something that would make everything I had gone through worthwhile. It was that feeling I carried in everything I did, telling me I had something amazing to live for. It was not until recently that I discovered what that something was."

Confusion etched on InuYasha's brow. "And what was it?"

Her heavenly blue slowly rose up to meet his golden pools. "You."

"…What?"

A hint of colour dashed across her nose while she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She found a crease in the blanket immensely interesting. "It took a long time to come to terms with what happened that night, and it took even longer to understand why I lived. I can never answer why I was the only one. I only knew what compelled me to keep going. It compels me at every moment of everyday. But it's not because I was the only survivor and that I have some mission to do. I just came to understand that my life…is always what it was: a gift, something that was better off shared by living than wasted by wanting. So I lived, really lived, and I began to feel that I was meant for something. I felt like I had meaning. It's just that, with you, it feels stronger…fuller. More complete, you know? Like this is where I'm supposed to be…."

InuYasha's lips parted as what she was saying sunk in. Could that be possible? Was she actually saying this? That everything she had gone through, everything that she was, was because of anticipation of being with him? How could she know?

"Why me?" He whispered as if anything louder would break the secret between them.

"I don't know." She answered, lifting her face up to him, her wide chaste eyes looked almost afraid. Her hand unconsciously covered her heart as if trying to find the words to what she was feeling. "It just… feels…."

InuYasha desperately wanted her to finish that sentence. He wanted to crash his lips against hers and connect with that feeling he had been denying since the moment he met her. He wanted to live up to that climax one feels when the universe made sense for that one moment. But he faltered.

"I can't be the one…." His voice broke slightly as he searched her face imploringly. "I'm not safe."

Her brows furrowed innocently in question.

He shook his head. "I can't possibly be what you've been waiting for." He lowered his head in shame. "I've done nothing to deserve that sort of attention."

"Why…?"

"Because!" He shot his manic eyes up. "Because I've lived expecting nothing, I've lived being nothing! I've lived without having someone like you in mind. Shouldn't I have? If this were supposed to happen, wouldn't I have felt what you felt? Wouldn't I have lived like you? Waiting for that expectation that my life had meaning? But I didn't! I don't! I just…I just…."

"You lived regardless of everything that had happened." She finished, watching him intently. "Isn't that enough to convince you that you are deserving?"

"No," he rasped. "No, it's not that easy."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't work that way."

"Says who?"

"Fuck, Kagome!" He yelled. "Why can't you see me for what I am!"

She was quiet for a long moment as his heavy breathing carried around them.

"Tell me." She said.

"What?" He knitted his brows in confusion.

"Tell me what you are."

His mouth opened and closed before he shook his head and moved to get off the bed. "You don't…."

Her hand shot out and held him in place. "I told you the reason why I'm here." Her voice wavered but she held his gaze as she let him go. "If you are going to leave, InuYasha, I think I deserve to know why."

"I'm not…" his mouth quickly shut as he turned his face away. No. No more lies. There were no more chances. He knew this was his last moment to tell her the truth behind everything. Seconds ticked by with agonizing punctuation. With a heaving breath, he slowly replied. "I don't know how to deal with this. I've been alone ever since my father died."

Stunned silence swept across the room. "Inu…" she fumbled.

He shook his head as he stared bitterly at the floor. "You said you wanted to know my reasons."

"I… I'm listening."

With a heavy heart, InuYasha began. "My father was Akio Taisho. Name sound familiar?"

Kagome slowly shook her head.

"Keh, well, you're lucky then. When he was younger he was known as Japan's best soldier. And when he became injured, he became one of Japan's most elite businessmen. Everyone expected great things from him. He was even in the running for Prime Minister before he died. So naturally, being his son, I was a pain in the ass. Thought I was some big shit on campus, acted like I owned the damn city. I got away with being a brat because no one was about to dispute my connections." He grunted softly as he leaned up against the headboard but intently ignored the pain in his sides. "I took a lot of things for granted, and one of those things was my worth."

He sighed contritely. "My father was busy often at the end, some big mafia sting that he was going to bring down, I don't know. As far as I cared it didn't affect me any. Then one night he didn't come home. Never really knew the details. Just knew they found him, shot right through the heart in his office. At first we figured some gang member took him down, but days went by and the news began to twist the story, saying it was a suicide. Then something leaked out showing some half-assed proof that my father was into embezzling. Then more shit came out that he had ties to the mafia. By the end of it his reputation was torn to shreds and so was our family. My mom…" he shook his head. "She was never the same since. She loved my father and his death crippled her. By the time the media was done she was completely broken. She was in the psycho ward for a few years - a lot of good that did her. She was abused and neglected, no doubt because of what my father supposedly did to Japan's reputation. Eventually Sesshomaru brought her home, got some private nurse to watch her. But it wasn't any good. She was too far-gone. Didn't even recognize us anymore. I hated…hated her for that." His voice cracked under the strain. "She couldn't even keep it together for her damn kids."

He felt Kagome shift to rest against the headboard, her warmth grazing his skin as settled herself next to him. Heartened by her soothing presence, he continued.

"In the middle of all that I was kicked out of school, bullied for who I was, and soon I fought anyone who even looked at me funny. I stayed home a few weeks when mom was committed, but I couldn't stomach the emptiness. So I left. I was thirteen."

"Thirteen?" Kagome said aghast.

A harsh smile flicked across his lips. "Heh, wasn't so bad. Had my first taste of the real world. Saw it for what it really was. Best education I ever got." His shoulders sagged as he let out a defeated breath. "Eventually I got caught for petty theft and thrown into a halfway house. Spent a year there, a year too long, before I ran off again. I lived on the street until I met up with Kouga and ended up in his pitiful gang. Unfortunately it had enough connections for Sess to find me. Fucker dragged me back home. By this time mom was out of the mental hospital." His amber eyes dulled. "She didn't even know our names," he snorted, "she called us both Akio. All she could see was my damn father. She'd scold Sess if he worked too late, saying she was tired of going to bed alone, and she'd hug me and kiss me too close…."

InuYasha swallowed hard and shut his eyes. "I couldn't take it anymore. One night she came at me, started touching me. I flipped. I told her that I wasn't Akio. He was dead. Told her to snap out of it and stop being such a crazy bitch. We were her kids, for fuck sakes, and if it weren't for her I wouldn't have gone through hell. I told her I hated her."

Kagome looked over at him with an expression of tenderness and sorrow. Wordlessly, she huddled closer to his side and rested her head on his upper bicep, unsure of how much of her support he would accept. She could feel his muscles ease a little before he continued.

"She slapped me. She said I was lying and started screaming for me to get out. Then she came at me with a needle left by one of the nurses. I ran out of the room and down the stairs. I wasn't dealing with this shit anymore. Then I heard her fall. I turned around to see her landing at the bottom of the stairs. She looked," he faltered, "looked so…broken." All life seemed to drain from his face as his listless eyes opened. "She spent months in rehabilitation. Her body healed, but she was never responsive to anything we did. They said she was lost in her own mind. All that was left was her body that was deteriorating right in front of us. Sess said it wasn't my fault - it was a bomb waiting to happen. He said I should forgive her because she didn't know what she was doing. I couldn't. The moment she stabilized enough to come home, I packed up everything I had and moved out. I've never seen her since."

Kagome pulled away enough to look up at him. "Where did you go?"

He gazed down, watching mutely as she bit sweetly on her lower lip, worrying the edge of it. It was endearing to see how affected she was, concerned about his past self, but it also was wrenchingly distracting. With desperate hesitation, he pulled away from her side, tossing the comforter off his sweltering legs. Keeping his back to her from the middle of the bed, he stared down at his jean-clad lap. "I didn't go back to the street. I found the apartment I'm in, managed a few odd jobs before ending up as a dealer. From that I figure you know about Kikyo, Naraku and Kohaku."

Kagome nodded weakly. "Some, yes."

"So then you know why I made Perdition?" He cast a furtive glance her way.

Kagome paused then shook her head.

InuYasha half rolled his eyes and he crossed his arms over his chest. "I needed out. I never finished my education, and even though I have a trust fund and an inheritance, I didn't want it. It was from a life I hated and I wanted nothing to do with it. I only had one thing going for me, so I took a chance at making a band. My thoughts were to make it rich, pay off my debts and get the hell out of Japan. That was something all of us wanted. None of us had anything worth keeping until..." his brow furrowed slightly as he looked over at her. "What I don't get is how you came into all this. Why did you even want to join?"

Kagome avoided his glare as she tucked her covered knees up to her chin. "I needed it to save the orphanage." She said simply. "The government had cut back funding and the Shikon House was in threat of closing. If it did, the children would have been placed in other systems and there's no knowing if they would've been treated well. I needed to keep us together because we're all we got." She cast her tired eyes up at him. "I couldn't stand by and let our home be destroyed and lose another family." A faint smile lifted on her lips. "Besides, I think I made a good decision in joining, don't you?"

InuYasha watched her in astonishment but ignored her question. "You joined to save the orphanage?"

She nodded softly.

"But," he staggered on what to say, "that was such a risk. How could you place so much on a band that never even had a name for themselves? What if we never got off the ground?"

"Well," she blinked slowly, her blue irises mellowed in weary serenity, "since I had everything to lose anyways, what risk was there? In joining Perdition I had everything to gain." She lifted her head up from her knees. "And I always had faith that you would bring us far."

"Me?"

She smiled. "In all those years you were fighting to survive, InuYasha, you were always there for your friends. From what I have seen and heard, you would do everything within your power to get them what they needed, at any cost. Because of that, I believe in you and what you can do."

He searched her face for a long moment before he looked away in resentment of how well she knew him, as well as slight panic of how much she knew. "You put too much trust in me."

"I never thought so. It's the least of what you deserve."

InuYasha shut his eyes as her words settled deep within him. It was impossible not to love this woman. Never had anyone opened themselves in such a way to him, and never had he desired to open himself like he had tonight. To do so was a risk to lose everything he had tried to protect. But from everything she had said, he looked at her from the corner of his eye, she was risking her all in him. How could he deny himself anymore? For a brief instant he understood what she had been saying about finding a reason for living, of having a purpose just by living. All this time he hadn't been living at all, until he met her. And he finally knew what his reason was. It wasn't Perdition, money or power. All those things he could survive without, and he had, but without her he was nothing. And to have one moment of loving her, he knew then that nothing else mattered.

A shaky breath left his lungs as everything he was stepped up to the line. "What do you think I deserve, Kagome?"

Seconds ticked by like an eternity as her quiet movements belied her not having heard him.

"I…I think you deserve everything you have ever wanted, InuYasha." He could feel her tighten her hold around her knees like a lifeline.

He turned to face her, his intense eyes sending shivers down her spine. "And what do you think you deserve?"

Kagome held his gaze with a tremulous desire to answer but timidly pulled her sight to the dull reflection of the rain-streaked window on the floor.

InuYasha crept slowly closer to her and pulled her chin over to face him. He studied her fine, beautiful features and exhaled slightly as she nervously licked her lips. "Well? What is it you want?"

She slowly closed her eyes before opening them just as slowly. "I've only wanted you, InuYasha, you as you really are."

"And how do you know who I really am, how do you know you want me?"

"I felt you." Her gaze fluttered down to his lips. "The first time you kissed me, I knew who you were."

His mouth parted at a loss of what to say as his own eyes turned down to her slightly panting lips. "Who am I, Kagome?" He asked imploringly. "What am I to you?"

"You are," she breathed. "You just are."

"Nothing?" He teased above the desperate ache screaming inside him.

She shook her head. "Everything." She shut her eyes as she struggled to speak, her words tense with pure emotion. "And I love…I love – I love you."

Exquisite pain shot through his veins as what she had said marked him as hers. With no more thought or care, he swallowed her full lips in a searing kiss, pulling her body hard against his when he felt her desperate return. For the first time he felt free from resentment, failure and presumption. Instead he was filled with, for lack of better words, intense light. It felt like a lifetime of sin was purged within that kiss and there was no looking back.

His hot fingers tangled themselves deep within her raven strands of silk, drawing her mouth closer to his to be lapped of its holy water. Her mouth parted in a sobbing moan, which he quickly stopped with a deep rake of his tongue inside her. She tasted minty sweet and honestly pure. Her mouth held no bitterness, no ridged uncertainty - just wonderful and indulging openness.

He straddled her thighs and tightened his hold around her back to better reach her inviting mouth. She willingly obliged as she pressed her cool body upon his heated skin, her hands threading through his sleep tousled mane in order to keep her balance against the raging waves surging through them.

Panting, InuYasha pulled away just enough to keep their lips touching in order to give themselves time to breathe. With every few breaths he kissed her swollen lips in sweeping tenderness and passion. His flesh began to burn beneath the confining bandage, distracting him with its annoying friction. With a growling moan he pulled savagely at it until it untangled itself from him. Tossing it away, he grabbed Kagome and pressed her silk clad chest against his hard, bare one, never once breaking the kisses he was drinking from her.

His heavy groin began to throb against the pressure of his jeans and he willed it down by sheer force. He didn't want this quick. He wanted this right, with no barriers, no walls, and no regrets. With a last heated kiss he leaned back and stared achingly down at her shivering frame.

"Kagome?" He breathed.

Languidly, her eyes opened to reveal deep moonlit oceans. A small exhale was her answer.

His lips trembled in a desire to smile. Biting his lower lip, he rested his forehead against hers. "I want to see you, Kagome."

She lifted her face, making him pull away enough to see her unsure expression.

"Please," he swiped loose tendrils of her hair from her cheek, "let me see who you are."

Her eyes searched his in slight fear and question, before she let them fall between them. With a shaky sigh, she pulled from his hold and slid off the bed, standing to face the window.

In desiring apprehension, InuYasha watched as the robe slipped down her slender shoulders, her curved back, her luscious ass and finally to the floor. His mouth parted as he stared at her silent, nude frame, and all he could do was be in awe.

She had wings - pure white, long tipped wings. They practically glowed in the blue hued room, and every edge of her was lined white against the backdrop of the window, casting her in a heavenly aura. She was an angel. His angel. One he would never doubt again.

He edged to the side of the bed and slowly reached up and let his fingers glide over the ridges and contours of her scars, feeling only soft down and warm folds of feather like skin. With a breathy moan, he leaned forwards and kissed between her blades, inhaling the sweet musk of her flesh. Oh God, he shuddered, nothing had ever felt this good.

A tremor coursed through his fingers and he could see the rising gooseflesh on her radiant skin. With a reverent pause, he stretched up to lean his heated length against her back.

"Lay down," he whispered against her ear. "I want to touch you."

She looked at him, wide eyed, over her shoulder, before being guided back onto the bed. Lying on her stomach, she faintly inhaled his warmth that had settled beside her, thrilling her with his close sensuality and his temperate touch. His long fingers faintly stroked the entire length of her back, up and over her buttocks, down the dips of her legs to rest against the circle of her ankle. Her eyes shut at the powerful waves of indescribable feelings shooting up from every nerve, vying for his touch.

She heard him groan her name. "You're perfect."

Her lips parted as a small tear trickled from the corner of her eye, but his hot mouth latching itself onto her shoulder incinerated the tender moment. She gasped loudly and instinctively arched against him, but he gently pushed her back down as he covered her body with his own, his wet and eager tongue tracing her flesh to areas she never knew existed.

"Inu…" she breathed.

He grunted when his mouth found a spot on her lower back that made her stretch up to expose more skin to his explorations. Never before had she thought she could feel this way.

She gripped the sheets as his lips ghosted over her twin mounds and landed on her left thigh. He continued to kiss and taste the entire length of her leg, settling in certain spots what made her hitch or flex in sensitivity. Again he did it with her other leg, taking his time to study each scar on her body, to kiss each wound away. With each meticulous touch, every pleasurable sound he made, the more beautiful and special she felt. Her body practically hummed with intense vulnerability to his perusal. She could still feel the lingering traces he had left behind, even minutes after he had touched her. She was charged and electrified, shocked to feel that it never reached a limit. Instead every overload had settled into her core and she nearly felt embarrassed by the wetness itching between her thighs as she tried to keep them shut from his noticing.

InuYasha was too involved to care. Touching her felt divine, like he was stroking a holy object no one had ever been graced to lay a hand on. She was so pure, so perfect - he felt sacred knowing he was the only one to be given this right. And he was going to make it last for as long as he was able.

Drawing slowly back up her spine to kiss the nape of her neck, he was almost terrified when she lifted herself off her front to sit up to face him. Her eyes seemed unsure and shy as she studied his bare upper half. His unconsciously followed the same path over her body, a little stunned to see the stark difference between her back and front. Her skin on her chest was milky perfect, and almost glittered from her heated desire. He swallowed a groan at the need to lap up her taste between the folds of her round and very inviting breasts. A faint exhale brought his attention back to her face, seeing the blushing indecision in her expression. Sitting back, he waited with bated breath for what she wanted.

Time slowed as he saw her small hand reach out to touch him and he unconsciously closed his eyes as the cool wisps of her fingers danced over the hardened contours of his chest. His flesh quivered at the tickling sensations as both her hands dipped and tripped on each bruised abdominal muscle, then back up to rest on the plains of his pectorals. He nearly flinched as a cascade of fire shot through him when her warm mouth fluttered over the lifeline on his throat. His mind reeled as he leaned like a man starved into her touch.

"Ohhh…" he breathed, his chest rumbling in erotic bliss.

Kagome blushed deeper as her skin shivered from the heat of his voice against her ear, and gained confidence when he pressed harder against her mouth. She smiled faintly and continued to shyly explore his neck, ears and finally face, lovingly kissing the ridges of his high cheek bones, the sharp plain of his nose, the wide brim of his brows, to finally rest against the soft panting of his swollen lips.

As her mouth explored his face, her hands had continued their dance along the expanse of his torso. With more attention to what she was kissing, she never realized how far down her hands had traveled until his hiss against her mouth made her jump.

Concerned, she pulled back only to see his heavy eyes staring at her with unquestionable need. Glancing down when she felt his hands on hers, her body shook when he dipped the tips of her fingers into the waistband of his jeans, asking her to continue, begging her to push away their boundaries.

A snap of the button falling away from its hole broke the forbidden line, and both could only stare at each other at what was about to happen became very real. Kagome huffed on a laugh, and then a nervous giggle erupted before she caught it between her frightened lips.

A small smile alighted on his face and he pulled her in for another kiss, this time slow and leisurely, taking away any inhibition with each lick and suck of his entreating mouth.

Leaning deeper into the kiss, she barely felt her body fall to the soft mattress, sensing only his hot flesh pressing against the stimulated tremors of her own. Slowly they touched, slowly they caressed, slowly did they taste each other's voices that flowed in time with the wind and rain outside.

She felt charged, like lightning, waiting to crash and roar, but was unable to tell from where she was begging to burst. Her body nearly buckled when his hot mouth achingly kissed her breast, drawing in her nipple as he had done with her tongue and danced with it to send zigzagging currents straight down to her overloaded core. She rubbed her legs together, trying to wipe away the wetness pouring from her. She could smell the tangy musk coming from her and was afraid to open her legs to allow the chill of the room to cool her throbbing area. It felt like there was a heart beat between her thighs as a jarring thump tightened her insides when he moved on to her other breast. Oh dear Heavens! Her closed eyes practically rolled to the back of her head.

InuYasha pressed his stomach between her thighs, pushing against the resistance she was fighting in order to keep them closed. With an upward thrust, he managed to pull them apart to settle blissfully between her very hot, very wet apex. He could feel her slick and inviting juices coat his tender abs, which shot with dull jabs of pain each time she clenched her legs around him.

"Relax," he whispered against her pulse thrumming stomach. "Let it go. It's all right."

Her dulcet eyes opened thickly to capture the deep honey of his. She watched in fascination as he slowly reached down and dragged his fingers up her thigh, lifting himself slightly to capture some of her moist pleasure on the tips of his fingers, all the while watching her reaction.

Her breath hitched when he brought his glistening fingers before her, then slowly licked each tip clean, sucking them as if savoring lemon filling from a favourite dessert. She let out a sudden cry of alarm as he pushed down to settle his lips inches from her onyx-covered heat. Sitting up, she attempted to close her legs to which he gripped her inner thighs and softly massaged them apart once more. He silently shook his head.

"This is what I wanted." His eyes drifted to the dew stained, red flower before him. "You wanting me." Without waiting for her response, he dipped his needing tongue forward and lapped up a deep, long taste.

Kagome's back arched and she landed hard against the mattress once more, her faint scream heard by only the one who caused it. Again and again she felt him drink her up. Again and again she felt herself flood over from the need. In the back of her mind she thought of images that Ayame whispered to her on private nights back when they were teenagers, of how to pleasure a man. She had never given it much thought before, never thinking she would be given this gift, but the more sensations his tongue introduced to her, the more she desired to give him back in return.

A faint 'ah' caught hard in her vocal chords as a sharp sting of pleasure ruptured every vessel from the tips of her toes to the ends of her ears. More and more it shot through her as his tongue flicked over the hidden pearl that she never took notice of, but oh did it ever feel like angelic death! Her mind practically screamed for it to stop, since the stabbing sensations were nearly too hard to bear, but her body pushed into it, since it brought the aching ball of explosion to its head.

"Inu…" she threw her head to the side as she fisted her hands hard into the sheets. With a terrible feeling of the bed moving, he sat up and the ache inside her dulled marginally to a point of desperate wanting. She whimpered.

"Kagome…?"

She inhaled deep and looked up at the intense desire mounting on his desperate face. Looking down, she could see the ridged strain of his need protruding from the hard denim of his jeans. With shaking limps, she sat up, making his brow crease slightly in confusion. Reigning in her courage, she reached out and stroked her fingers along the hem of his waistband, lowering the zipper and gracing her touch over the wiry hairs leading to the final boundary.

With a savage exhale, he knelt up high and helped her lower his pants until he could kick them from his person. A half minute passed by as InuYasha watched her eyes trace over the shape and size of his manhood, before her soft hand ran along the smooth expanse of its sides. Then wonders upon wonders she leaned forward and tasted the bouncing tip, which embarrassing lurched the moment her warm tongue touched it.

Smiling innocently at its reaction, she again licked her tongue out, this time holding the rogue in place to deeply enjoy it.

InuYasha painfully closed his eyes and fell back against his elbows to relish this dream come true. A low whining moan rumbled around the room and it took a moment for him to realize it was coming from him. Never before had he felt this good. It was if he was a pulled trigger, loaded and taut, itching to shoot. He had fucked before, but the sensation had barely gone beyond his cock. This time, however, he could feel his need overwhelm him from the far corners of his burning body, and he was ready to erupt.

"Kagome," he whispered, lifting her deeply exploring mouth to face him. His lips parted, struggling on what to say, what to ask.

She understood, and lay back down, waiting for him with wanting apprehension.

"Wait," he rasped and quickly rolled off the bed. He ducked down to his suitcase and fished through it for several moments, before climbing back to her side.

Kagome's cheeks flared red at the sight of the condom on his large member, the truth of what was about to happen frightening her and exciting her all at the same time. Biting her lower lip, she reached up to trace her fingertips along his jaw, inviting him to take her as his.

He smiled a little; looking almost relieved, and settled his frame once more above hers. Drifting slowly up her body, he again worshipped her with subtle touches and kisses until he reached her trembling mouth. Softly, deeply, taking all the time in the world, he kissed her until her body began to dance below him. Reaching down, he placed his tip against the pulsing cavern of her heat. With aching gentleness, he pressed unhurried into her, stopping when she began to tense. More languid kisses eased them both that he was able to flow into her, reaching her maidenhead without even realizing how far he had gone in. He waited there, wanting this one moment to last as long as possible, to burn in their memories of this final threshold that would change their lives forever. With a cry into her mouth, he pushed smoothly deeper, feeling her tightness clench wonderfully around him as her virginity washed down his shaft.

She barely flinched, feeling only a dull ache and it was gone. Threading her fingers through his sweat-dampened hair, she encouragingly bore down a little to ask him to fill her completely. He did so with her name moaning from his strained lips and gasped unbelievingly when his long length embedded fully into her tightly rippled core, as if it were a perfect fit. Staying still, both could only stare at each other, panting in each other's breaths.

Gradually Kagome's knees lifted to his hips to ease the ache between them. Without a word, InuYasha began to move and the dance began. He leaned down, his chest lightly covering her breasts, with his hands threading the sheet around her tousled hair. Deep in and up, then out - over and over, as if in time to some music that only they could hear. He watched her face contort in slight edges of pain, but the gripping of her arms against his back to pull him close to her told him she was not hurting, but building up that watery ball of their cores impending implosion.

Faster his hips began to move, harder he began to push, deeper she adjusted her pelvis to receive more of him he never knew he had. She was so deliciously tight, and he so brutally thick. They silently watched each other, almost as if in shock of what they were doing, of the powerful waves of pleasure they were feeling, of the emotions that weren't said, until a sudden cry from her, a guttural groan from him and a gushing suction pulled them over the edge into an explosion of an endless nature that had them seeing stars.

Time stood still.

A slowing heartbeat woke him from his fallen state, visions fading from view as InuYasha tremulously opened his eyes. A small hand was running lightly over his scalp and holding him in a loose embrace. Tiredly, he lifted his head to see that it was resting between her cooling breasts. Looking up, he saw that Kagome's eyes were closed, and her sluggish fingers suggested sleep was overtaking her. Lowering his head back down, he found he could say nothing, think nothing, because at that moment, nothing else mattered. Closing his eyes, he tightened his hold around her, and listened to the rain. He never felt her fingers stop, or the soft words from her lips as he drifted into a perfect sleep.

"I love you."

* * *

A/N: Wow, another chapter down, and getting so close to the end. I think I should mention that Nothing Else Matters from Metallica inspired this chapter. Man, I love that song. And Right Where It Belongs from NIN inspired chapter Lies and Liabilities.

And sorry for the delay. It's been a heck of a few months. The worst that happened was that I had a miscarriage the end of March. I was early in the pregnancy, so it wasn't much in the process to deal with other than the "whys?" Apparently it's quite common, and most women don't even realize they had one. They are lucky. We were so excited to be having another baby. It was a hard blow to lose it before it could really take off. And it was even more daunting because it had me afraid there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I hold Alex to term? Why did I have this miscarriage? The doctors couldn't give me any answers. They simply told us to try again. If the next pregnancy doesn't take, they will have us see a specialist. I'm not even sure I want to try. I'm blessed with what I have. We are talking about adoption now as well, since we've wanted to adopt as a part of our family plan for years. But that's neither here nor there, the point is, the miscarriage bummed me and I wasn't in the mood to write. I spent a week watching Barbie movies and letting myself be as brainless as the doll herself.

The next bit of news happened a few weeks ago. I made the terrifying decision to try my hand at becoming a professional writer. Which made writing even harder since I downed on everything I typed. I joined a local writer's guild to get more involved in the 'ins and outs' of the industry. I'm learning tons, but I'm still terrified. I love writing fanfiction because it's fun and amazingly satisfying, but the idea of writing something to have published, something that will be 'out there' has me pissing my pants. And I love that feeling. Here's hoping I'll have the confidence and the strength to carry this dream to an actual publication. (Oh please, oh please!). I will be facing some pretty tough critics out there, which I'm afraid of since I have been used to the wonderful and beautiful reviews from all of you. Those reviews really have kept me going during bad times as well as good. And it's because of you that I feel I can live up to my dream.

Anyways, I've been dying to get them together like this for two years! Now, on to the hard part….

As always, even in the hard times, live and love…the laughter will soon follow.

WDW


	34. Into the Dark

A/N: Editted this chapter because I think it was poorly done and rushed. Think this new one is better and makes the next chapter easier to write. I'm back!!!!! PS anyone up to being my beta? WDW

InuYasha stretched his arms underneath his pillow and nuzzled his face into its enticing thickness. The cool sheets felt so good beneath his aching sides, but they did little to help him fall back asleep. Groggily he opened his eyes to a bleak gray room reflecting the cloud-covered sky outside his window and automatically felt the weather squelch his euphoric mood. With a tight cringe he shifted carefully onto his back before a heavy yawn overtook his lips. He wiped his face with a heavy hand to rid the remainder of the sleep before letting it fall to his side. The feel of cold wetness against the back of his hand caused him to lift his head in question then bolt upright.

Blood!

A wash of the faded red liquid rested in the middle of the bed. Without thought he looked down on his person to see the vivid stains covering his pelvis with a soiled condom resting by his leg. So it wasn't a dream. A wave of wonderful incredulity flooded over him as he swept his gaze over the room.

"Kagome?" He swung his legs off the bed and pulled on a pair of track pants. Heading to the bathroom, he peeked in but she wasn't there. With mounting apprehension, InuYasha looked around the room once more. Her clothes were gone, as was her medical kit. What did this mean? Did she sneak out early before he woke up because she didn't want to deal with him? Did she regret what they did? He quickly tampered it down when soft knocking tapped at his door. An automatic smile erupted from his lips.

"What the hell did you do," he called out as he reached for the knob, "lock yourself out?"

He opened the door wide to see the stoic face of his elder brother. Immediately his lips fell into a sullen sneer as he leaned against the frame. "Oh, it's you."

"Obviously." Sesshomaru scanned InuYasha's disheveled body with a slight tang of disapproval before pushing past him to enter the disorganized room. He swiftly gave the room a thorough perusal as if to make sure they were alone.

InuYasha noticed his brother's eyes rest momentarily on the bloodstained sheet before he managed to flip the covers of his bed and sat down on them with a look of defiance. Sesshomaru didn't react to the action as he reached for the remote for the television.

"There have been some troubling developments."

InuYasha gave his brother a mute frown before looking at the news program that was flicked on. Clips of the fight he was in last night shook in the screen by an amateur videographer. He could barely make out him sitting on that fucker's chest and pounding the shit out of him for attacking Kagome before the words of the reporter leapt out at him.

'…said it was an unprovoked attack that was surely was due to ulterior motive. 'Perdition' has been disqualified from the competitions and will most likely be banned from any further events that China will host…."

InuYasha sat stunned. The rest of the news passed his ears in a confused jumble. He looked up to see Sesshomaru studying him.

"I don't… what did that mean? Perdition has been disqualified?" He stumbled as he shot up from the bed, pointing accusingly at the television.

Sesshomaru followed the direction of his finger, his lips pressed in a hard line. "Apparently your actions were taped last night and it has been misinterpreted against you."

"Actions? What actions?"

The older man flicked his golden eyes back over to him, scrutinizing the dirty bruises on the younger man's torso. "Your rescue of Kagome from those men has been taken out of context. Apparently they are members of China's main contenders for the War of the Bands. They had stated that they wished to bring Kagome back to her hotel, since it appeared she was drugged. They then went on to say that you mercilessly attacked them, no doubt to pull them out of the competition."

"That's bullshit!" InuYasha shouted. "They were about to hurt her! I was protecting my own!"

Sesshomaru's brows rose slightly before he looked back to the television. "I am aware of that. I had argued that point to the competition supervisors since seven this morning, but they are adamant against your innocence. It was finally concluded that fighting was no way condoned, and that it was understood by all who signed the contract that it was an automatic dismissal. It is now out of my hands."

InuYasha trembled with rage and struggled to shake his head. "Those son of a bitches! They set us up! What about them? What did they get out of it? Tell me they got disqualified too!" His voice wavered at the bitter glare from his brother's eyes as he stared at the news.

"They appealed and won. They stated they fought back out of self defense and the judges agreed."

"No," InuYasha choked on bile. "No, it isn't fair."

"No, it isn't. But it's been arranged for us to leave within the hour, and it best we agree to that before we are tangled in more media issues. The hotel isn't taking too kindly in securing their doors from frenzied paparazzi."

InuYasha opened his mouth to argue his case but was cut off by rapid pounding on the door. Sesshomaru gave his brother a pointed look before moving to answer it.

"What the fuck happened!" Sango stormed into the room, followed distantly by Miroku and Kouga. She stopped inches from InuYasha's half naked body and pointed furiously at the television. "What the fuck did you do!"

"Sango…" Miroku's weary voice called over to her.

"Don't!" She seethed, swiping her hand in fury before looking accusingly to InuYasha. "Well?"

"He was protecting me." A soft voice flowed from the doorway as Kagome came in, shutting the door behind her.

InuYasha nearly sighed in relief seeing her there, freshly dressed and her hair damp. She didn't look worse for wear as she smiled shakily over at him before Sango brought him back to the issue at hand.

"Protected you? Will someone fill us in what the hell happened last night?" She gave the pair a suspicious glare.

InuYasha scowled and looked broodingly over to the television, crossing his arms in defiance. "See for yourself."

All eyes turned to the screen to watch the entire fight ensue. Apparently last night's escapade was headline news as every channel replayed the lie. InuYasha gave them the lowdown of what really happened.

Shaking his head, Kouga said. "Any idiot can see they were hurting her. Why the hell is everyone believing their story?"

"Because regardless of all that has changed, some prejudices have stayed the same." Miroku lowered his disappointed eyes to the floor. He turned to Sesshomaru. "So what do we do now?"

The manager released a rare sigh. "We leave. We will fight for an appeal when we are in Japan. We can only fight back for our honor. There is nothing we can do about the competition."

"No," Sango shook her head, her eyes looking desperately to each person in the room, "no, it can't end like this."

No one responded as each avoided looking at each other.

After a minute, Miroku turned and headed to the door. "I have to pack."

Kouga followed slowly behind.

"But," Sango's eyes widened as her boyfriend opened the door, the finality of the situation hitting home, "but…."

"No, Sango." Miroku peered at her from over his shoulder. "We can't fight this here."

Her watery gaze turned imploringly over to Sesshomaru who stood expressionless and mute. With hesitation she turned to the door and blindly stepped out, her shoulders wrapped comfortingly by Miroku's arm.

Watching the door close on it's own, the taller man peered knowingly at the indicted pair. "Don't dally. Our ride leaves in forty minutes." With that he stepped out of the room.

Both stared at the door for a long while. Quietly, Kagome looked over at the half naked man at the other end of the room.

InuYasha pulled his gaze to face the regret upon her face. Regret… he never thought it possible to see such an emotion from her. He wanted to shut the world away just to wipe that look off her face. He wanted to shut himself away for having caused this.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." Her small voice hit him like a bullet.

He blinked in confusion. "You?"

She looked at the television. "I should never have put you in this situation." A sad laugh whispered past her lips. "All this time I've been trying… and it was you who would suffer. I'm so sorry, InuYasha."

"No." InuYasha reached for the remote and turned off the discriminating sight. "It wasn't you who did this."

"No, but I will do whatever I can to make it right."

Sullen amber flowed over to meet penitent blue. "Don't." He whispered.

Kagome tilted her head in question as he moved over to the bed and sat upon the twisted blankets. His head bowed as his words struggled from his lips. "I'm sorry, Kagome."

He sensed her movement to sit softly beside him. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Serious eyes looked up at her. "I have everything to apologize for. You above all of us have the most to lose because of my stupid actions. And I can't help you. I can't fix this."

"This isn't the end," she murmured. "We still have contracts waiting for us in Japan."

InuYasha shook his head and looked exhausted at the ground. "After this publicity it's very unlikely. No one wants to be associated with criminals. I'm rather surprised I'm not being arrested for this shit, which would explain why Sess wants us to leave so bad."

"But you didn't do anything wrong!" She argued.

"It doesn't matter. In everyone else's eyes I did," he snorted. "Story of my life."

"Inu…" her soft voice broke over his self-defeat. Peering over at her, he was shocked to suddenly find himself in her arms. His own arms wrapped unconsciously around her waist.

"Not in my eyes, InuYasha. Never in my eyes." She whispered against his hair.

He leaned back to look at her, blinking slowly as she caressed his tussled hair from his face.

"I will always see you as you really are." She continued softly. "Never forget that. Never regret what happened. I certainly don't."

Searching past the conviction in her eyes, he could only see loving trust. Leaning towards her, he pressed his lips gently upon her own, then another, and another. Each with a little more force than the last. After a few moments, he pulled back. "We should get going."

She nodded and stood, stopping halfway to the door. "Inu?"

He looked up.

"Thank you."

He frowned. "Why?"

Gentle humbleness swept over her sadness. "That's twice you saved my life." She turned and left the room, leaving him to taste bittersweet emotion.

-+-

Kagome sank wearily down on Sango's couch, oblivious to the news displayed on the television screen in front of her. It had been three months since their falling out at the competition with an appeal still pending. Sesshomaru was tied heavily into the legal battle to regain Perdition's innocence, not to mention the entitlements from previous contracts. But in those three months, it had been hell.

Arriving back in Japan was as chilling as the weather. No longer the conquering champions, Perdition became a brunt for tabloids and media. It was difficult facing reporters and jilted fans, but worse facing a normal life once more.

Sango collapsed down beside her on the couch, her soiled waitress uniform rumpled from a long day's work. She popped open a bag of chips and tilted the bag towards Kagome in offering.

Kagome shook her head. "No, thanks. Not hungry."

Sango eyed her knowingly. "How's it been?"

She shut her eyes. "Tough...really tough."

Since money was held up in the courts, finances were tight for everyone. Sango returned to waitressing at the diner while Kouga and Miroku went back to the packing plant. The transition was easier on the three since it was something they were used to. InuYasha however....

"He hasn't been talking to me much." Kagome opened her eyes, a taxed sadness reflected in them. "He's been acting distant...strange."

"Has he gone back to...?"

Kagome shook her head as she blindly watched the T.V. "I don't think so. He's agitated a lot and most nights I don't think he sleeps." Her eyes lowered to the floor. "He's depressed, San, and overworked. He's doing so many odd jobs as well as working at the plant with the guys. Most of the time I don't get to see him. He has put all the blame on himself over what happened that I think he's driving himself to distraction. The times that we are together all he does is sleep." She sighed. "Until something happens with the appeal, I don't think he'll get out of this rut he's put himself in."

"We're all in that rut." Sango munched on a few chips as she watched the news. "I don't think any of us are going to be able to hold our heads up until this mess is dealt with...if it ever is."

Kagome remained silent. She let her attention drift over to the nearby couch where a rumpled blanket and pillow lay. "How's Kohaku been? He hasn't been by the House in sometime."

Sango shrugged. "He's working a double tonight I think." She glanced over at Kagome. "Are you sure you're fine with him living here now?"

"He's of legal age now, no longer a child of the system. He thought he was being a drain on our resources but I know the real reason was he wanted to help us both out. One less person for us to provide for and a roommate to help you with your costs." She smiled softly. "He's welcome to come back, but I think he's happier here knowing he's doing something. Has his applications for university come back?"

Her friend shook her head. "If they have he wouldn't let me know." A rueful smile graced her lips. "If the little bastard thinks he's giving up school to help me out he's got another thing coming."

A loud bang announced the arrival of Miroku and Kouga as the door swung shut behind them.

"Evening, all." Miroku sauntered around the couch and flopped into the seat beside Sango. "Any goods from the diner today?"

Sango rolled her eyes and thumbed towards the fridge. "Jim made a few cold platters for us, help yourself."

Miroku leaped up and headed to the fridge with Kouga in tow.

"Where's InuYasha?" Kagome asked.

"Had to drop off some package on the way." Kouga stated with a mouth full of meat. "Should be here soon."

"Package?" Kagome tilted her head but was cut off as the door swung open and the man in question walked in. His hair was disheveled from the Fall wind and his cheeks reddened from the coming cold. She smiled. "Hey."

InuYasha barely gave a nod as he headed over to the sink and fished out a glass of water. He gargled a few times, spit it out in the sink then gulped the remainder down.

"You okay?" Kagome moved to stand but he merely shook his head.

"Fine." He stated curtly as he gasped in a few breaths.

She forced a smile to her lips. "You look like you've run a race."

He didn't reply as he headed to the food tray and started to eat.

Kagome turned to Sango and sank dejectedly back into her seat. The other woman just frowned.

InuYasha sighed heavily into his food.

"You okay there, bud?" Miroku murmered beside him.

"Keh. Let's just say the package wasn't a welcomed sight." InuYasha slowly chewed then swallowed hard. "Serving divorce papers isn't a pretty business."

The two males chuckled as they headed back to the couch. InuYasha followed them with his gaze only to land on Kagome. His chest fluttered uncomfortably. She looked so damn tired, and he knew he wasn't helping matters by being distant. He grabbed a few more pieces off the plate and headed to the opposite couch.

"How's things at the orphanage?" Kouga asked.

Kagome smiled at the worried look on the man's face. Kouga hadn't seen much of Ayame since they had come back, namely since she decided to leave the Shikon House to pursue a different job. She still stayed at the House but as a tenant. "Better than expected. Hojo managed to use the earnings I saved to hold our contract for another year. The only stipulation was that we needed to bring the house up to code. Unfortunately it means replacing the plumbing, wiring and windows." Her eyes lowered to the coffee table to keep from meeting certain eyes. "I've taken on a second job to help pay for the repairs."

InuYasha shot her a glare. A second job? The one she had now was practically 24 hours. How the hell was she going to manage that? A sick feeling twisted in the center of his gut. God, he hated this! He hated seeing his friends work in the most mundane positions. He hated seeing his girlfriend have to sacrifice more time just to make ends meet. It shouldn't have to be this way. And he hated that most of all. The fact that he couldn't provide for her. Fuck, he barely got by. He was a shell of a man he so wanted to be. Not rich, not famous, and barely a man that could care for the one he so wanted to protect. He finally had the woman of his dreams, one who time and again reminded him how much she loved him, that she never needed anything else from him. And like a fool and a coward he accepted her words...and never once returned them.

Why? Why couldn't he tell her how he felt?

Because it was the last wall, the last barrier that kept her from him entirely. It was the last safety net in case it got too hard, too much. He couldn't bear being stripped to that raw point of absolute honesty because it would hurt beyond anything should things go wrong.

And things were going so very wrong.

He felt guilt - an intense amount of guilt that it soured everything he touched. Kagome, with her perfect smile, her perfect thoughts and dreams, was a nice escape, but it did little to help him and he fell deeper into a depression he never realized he had. But she did.

How many nights did she spend waiting for him to call when he promised. How often had she come to see him and he pretended to not be there. How many times did he feign sleep in her arms so she wouldn't see - see the hollowness he had succumbed to. But she knew. The sadness in her eyes told him she knew. And even now she couldn't look at him to see the misery he felt.

"That sucks." Kouga sighed. "Where?"

Kagome's mouth opened a fraction before she responded. "As Hojo's secretary."

A furious stab of betrayal pierced InuYasha's chest and he couldn't breathe for a moment.

"Hojo?" He rasped, his fury barely contained behind his words.

She nodded, her pleading eyes finally looked up at him. "He was kind enough to find me a part time position in the afternoon and evenings. It pays well and -"

"Yeah." He swallowed bitterly as he stood up. "You do who you gotta do, right?"

Her mouth parted in hurt.

He shut his eyes as he tried to control his breathing. "Never mind. Forget I said anything." He stepped out of the silent circle of friends and headed to the door. "I have a few things I need to do. I'll see you all later."

"InuYasha?" Kagome rushed up to him, her hand barely gracing his arm before he moved away.

He blinked heavily down at the floor. "I'll call you."

Knowing silence then, "Okay."

He pulled himself from her hurting aura and let the door shut firmly behind him.

In his darkest times he would scorn her words that drove arrows into his heart. Lately she said so little, but he knew her enough now to know what they meant. 'I love you.'

Words he couldn't bear to hear. Words he now kept her from saying because he was afraid of where they would lead. Fear had become the driving force of his life. It was fear of failure, of never being better than what he now was, of losing everything he had because of it. And he was terrified.

Terrified of losing her because he was slowly losing himself.

And terror made a man do desperate things.

-+-

"The boy has held up fairly well, considering." Naraku poured bourbon into a crystal glass resting perfectly on his desk. He leaned back in his leather chair to regard the woman before him. "I hate to think he's forgotten all about me."

Kikyo watched the amber fluid flow like silk past his lips, her face impassive from her seat on the couch across the room.

"I would have thought he would have come back to me by now. He is a tough, old bird." A sour flex of his throat showed his thoughts on either the liquor or the object of their conversation. "Just like his father."

Deep brown eyes flicked up to meet with clandestine black.

"I think an intervention is needed. Don't you?"

Again, he was met with silence from the woman across the room.

"Are you still of the belief I should just leave the boy alone? Obviously you don't know about revenge, dear girl. It is the best dish one could indulge in, and I crave it as much as he no doubt craves what I can give him."

Her eyebrow pricked slightly at this.

"He's had a long time to face a world without the luxuries I had given him. I think a little temptation is needed. Go to him, Kikyo. Give him a little taste of what he's missing. I think he'd like that."

Kikyo merely nodded and left the room.

Naraku took another sip of his bourbon as he eyed an aged newspaper seductively. "I think it will be something he won't be able to refuse."


	35. To Care or Plead Silence

A soft knock echoed through the door, but the lone man on the couch ignored it as he stared somberly at the television.

A few moments later the knock repeated.

"InuYasha?" Kagome's voice barely made it to his ears but he didn't respond. Instead he turned down the sound and waited.

"InuYasha, I know you're in there, I can smell the ramen."

InuYasha swore against the noodles in his mouth as he thrust his chop sticks into the warm pot on the coffee table. With a heavy sigh, he lifted himself from the sofa and trudged to the door. Opening it a crack, he gazed down at the woman before him.

A tentative smile lifted on her lips as she held up a small bag. "I brought sticky buns."

He shut his eyes for a moment and opened the door to let her in.

She stepped into the dirty apartment with an air of sweet freshness from the minty air outside that promised snow. Placing the bag next to his ramen, Kagome avoided looking at him as she took off her coat. "I haven't talked to you in awhile."

"It's been a hectic week," he said with a shrug, eyeing his meal uncomfortably.

"Yeah."

The television filled the silent void in the room before her voice trailed over to him. "Do you think pushing me away will make things better?" She turned to face him, her blue eyes rimmed with unquestionable sadness. "Do you think it will change how I feel?"

He tried to hold her gaze but quickly his eyes turned to the floor. It had been a horrible week, probably the worst week he had ever had and he couldn't bring himself to tell her. But it was enough time for him to see what he had been so adamantly been fighting – the inevitable.

"I heard you lost your job at the plant." Kagome fidgeted the downy fabric of her coat between her fingers. "Miroku said you hadn't been showing up for shifts."

"What, are you my mother now?" InuYasha growled, giving her a dark glare.

She shook her head. "I just want to know what's bothering you, I just want to know," she sighed as she stared at the torn armchair to the side, "if you're okay."

"You haven't been very observant if you have to ask me that." He snapped before he gave his head a small shake. "What I do shouldn't concern you, you have enough to worry about."

"I'm getting on fine, InuYasha. What I'm more concerned about is how you are getting on." She eyed the degrading apartment and the hint of bitter smoke in the air before turning deep pools of emotion on to him.

He could read the unasked questions she would never voice. Had he gone back to what he was? Had he given up? His heart twisted at the desire to tell her everything but it wasn't in him to do such a thing. How could he possibly give up what he was when his past continued to be relived? He searched her fragile frame for a bare moment before looking to the floor. How could he not give in, when he had so much to lose?

"I know this wasn't how you wanted things to happen. I know things have turned out to be a huge mess, but this isn't the end," she stepped closer to him, too close and yet too far.

And much too late. Anger flooded through him over the injustice of it all as he looked up at her. "What the fuck do you know? What is there then, huh? What the fuck is there left for me to do?"

Kagome opened her mouth before he cut her off.

"And shut up about this being a 'dark before the dawn' shit. There is no bloody dawn!" He raked his hand through his hair as he tried to calm down. "Look, this isn't easy for me. All my life I've tried to survive, to just get by, but I can't do that anymore. And I can't," his hands began to shake and he fisted them together as he breathed in deep. "I can't keep this up anymore. I'm not like you, don't you get it? I'm not able to live for something other than myself."

Kagome's fingers kneaded within the fabric of her coat as she glanced unseeing down at the hood. "Maybe that's why it's so hard."

A frustrated growl vibrated from his throat. "Kagome...."

"What do you have, InuYasha, that's worth living like this? What do you have that you need to protect?"

His eyes flicked up to meet her desperate blue, but he immediately looked away. "What I had, I lost, over a stupid decision to do just that. To protect. And where did it ever get me? I keep ending up back here."

Tense moments passed. InuYasha could sense she wanted to say something, but soon the words died away with a shaking sigh.

He shut his eyes and turned his face away. "I can't change what I am. I'm back where I started and I can't live like... this. Call it the devil in me, but I can't bring myself to care anymore. This is what I am, what I'm meant to do."

"InuYasha...."

He shook his head, the numbness that he was succumbing to was drowning out the screams inside his soul. It wasn't a choice he wanted to make, and even now he had trouble to let her know. He cared. God knows how much he cared, but it wasn't enough. He was no longer strong enough. He was a lost man with no purpose, and without that he wasn't a man at all. And as much as he needed her, as much as he knew his very life depended on her, she couldn't save him from himself. "Just go, Kagome."

Her tiny hands clenched automatically. "What?"

"Just go," he murmured as he swallowed the panic welling up inside him. He fought the need to grab her and beg her to stay, to tell him she loved him, to let him fall into her touch and forget where his road had come.

Her lips wavered. "But I...."

InuYasha shook his head once more as he stepped to the side to signal her to leave. "It doesn't matter. It won't change how I feel."

She took a few steps toward the door before she stopped and faced him. "InuYasha, please don't give up, whatever it is you're facing, I'm here."

"Don't you get it? I don't want you here!" He snarled, rounding on her with a tremor in his chest. "What can you possibly fix? There's nothing left for you to stay for!"

"There's you!" She shouted back.

He faltered, having never heard her yell before. He lowered his head before turning hard eyes upon her. "I have nothing to give you. This can't go anywhere beyond whatever the fuck we had, and it's not worth it. Don't you understand?"

Her lips trembled slightly as she lifted her chin. "I do. I know you're just trying to force me away, thinking it will be easier than letting me know the truth."

"What truth?"

"That you're scared. You're hurting so bad and so lost inside yourself because you think you're not worth anything anymore. Well, that's just bull, because regardless of what you think, you matter!"

InuYasha hitched his teeth together and he struggled hard to contain his quaking heart. "You can't possibly know what I'm going through."

Kagome slowly closed her eyes and breathed in deep. Opening them once more, she looked up at him with a gentle tide of something he so desperately wanted to drown in. "To have so much to come to this. You carry so much pain...."

His shoulders flinched as he started at her, as if from a dream. "What?"

"Why must you destroy what good you have left?"

His mouth just closed as he turned his eyes away. Taking a step back, he felt his fists ache in their tight hold. "I have to do this."

"Why?"

Defeat echoed in his hollow voice. "Because there's only been one thing I've been good at. And you can't go down that road with me."

"You don't have to either...."

His eyes strayed to the clock before he slowly looked back at her, his silence filled with unparalleled loss and resolution. "You have to go now."

"InuYasha...."

"I'm sorry, Kagome." He walked with stiff purpose to the door and opened it wide. He glared at nothing in particular out in the hallway. "I hope one day you'll understand why."

He could feel the warmth radiating from her body as she stood beside him by the door, her breath hitching in her attempt to keep from crying. "I can't bring myself to walk away," she whispered.

His jaw clenched hard at the broken pleading within her voice. He could almost feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. "I already have." With that he closed the door, pushing her out in the process.

–

Kagome stared in disbelief at the door. What happened? How did it come to this? Her fingers lifted to touch the solid wood separating her from him. It felt warm against the cold of her chilled skin. She rested her forehead against the grain as tears slid unabated down her face. 'Don't give up,' her heart beat hard against her chest, but she wondered who it was talking to.

Looking up once more at the door through a haze of tears, she turned and walked to the stairs, feeling each step pull at the pieces of her soul. Once outside, she shut her eyes against the frosty wind, letting it sting the tears on her face. Its hard tone against her ears drowned out the city noise as she stepped out onto the sidewalk where she lifted her face to the endless night. 'Where do I go from here? I don't know what else I'm supposed to do! God, what am I supposed to do?'

A shrill cry from her phone had her searching her pockets in haste before pulling the pulsing device against her ear. She cleared her throat to rid the agony lodged within. "Hello?"

"Kagome?" Sango's panicked sobs filtered through the earpiece.

"Sango," she frowned in worry, "what's wrong?"

"It's Kohaku, he came in here demanding to know about dad and what happened that night. He was acting insane! He ran out of here and I don't know where he is. I need you here."

"Yes, of course, I'll be right there." Swiping the tears away she rushed towards her car, unknowing of the man watching her from his landing. InuYasha stood gripping the railing as her car drove away before he let his head fall to his arms.

-+-

"Oh God, Kagome, I'm so glad you're here!" Sango rushed up to her and pulled her into the warehouse.

Kagome gaped at the state of the inside. The coffee table was overturned and broken glass littered the floor. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" Sango sobbed, her eyes surveying the room as if for the first time. "Miro and I were making supper when Kohaku came charging in here demanding to know what happened that night he disappeared. I tried to calm him down to listen but he flipped out, screaming to know why I didn't tell him. I tried to reason with him but he just took off. We tried to go after him but lost him. Miroku and Kouga are still looking but I came back to wait to see if he showed up." She turned to her. "What if something happens to him? How could he have possibly found out?"

Kagome shook her head at a loss, her lips parting to say anything before a loud bang echoed from the door. Both girls spun to see their furious manager storm into the warehouse.

He glared menacingly at them. "Where is InuYasha?"

Kagome stammered before she spoke, the murderous expression on Sesshomaru's face causing her to feel chilled to the core. "I...I saw him at his apartment no more than twenty minutes ago."

Sesshomaru shook his head. "He's gone, the foolish idiot!"

"Gone?" Kagome felt her cheeks go pale. "Where?"

He growled. "To get Kohaku."

Sango stepped forward. "He knows what happened? Where he is? Where is he?"

Sesshomaru glanced at the girl with a touch of pity hovering over his anger. He sighed. "Naraku has him."

"What!" Both women froze as if shot.

Kagome seemed the first to recover. "Why does he have him? Where are they? What does InuYasha have to do with all this?"

The tall man pinched the bridge of his nose as he said the unthinkable. "I don't know. The fool called me minutes ago to tell me just that. He said the boy will meet us here, and since I have no clue as to where to find the imbecile, I have to wait here for Kohaku to tell me where he is before he does something drastic."

Kagome shook her head as her mind spun with too many questions. "Sesshomaru, please, tell us what's going on."

He released a feral breath before speaking. "It's a long story, one best told from the beginning. There will be less interruption and fewer questions."

They nodded as they waited.

Sesshomaru leaned against the counter and folded his arms as he began. "When Sango left for the police academy, Kohaku came often to stay with me while their father was working. Our families have had strong ties for many years, as Chihaya Hiroto was the detective who worked under our father in many of his government cases. One in particular draws everything that is transpiring today together. It involved an old associate of our father's, Onigumo Naraku." He held up a hand as both women opened their mouths to speak. "I will explain.

"Onigumo was once a respected businessman who formed a partnership with our company, but it turned into a ruse when our father discovered he was embezzling money. Behind Onigumo's back, father took control of the entire company and eventually had Onigumo arrested. The man lost everything." He shut his eyes. "Several years passed when father again began to notice a shift in the accounts. Minor adjustments here and there, but over the course of a year it showed a dramatic loss in revenue towards our associates. There was no tie to where it led since it was still in the company until it was discovered to link to a single account - father's account. Knowing he'd be facing charges, he vehemently tried to prove his innocence, and with Sango's father, opened up an investigation to discover the truth. It was Hiroto that found out there was an infiltrator in the company who was working underneath a new crime boss."

"Naraku...." Kagome whispered.

Sesshomaru nodded. "The man had built quite an enterprise on illegal trade, but his main ambition, it seemed, was revenge. He was determined to see father disgraced and penniless. He had slowly leaked funds from underneath father's nose, and placed it in his own account. The money was still there, on paper, but not where it should be, and its trail led to disaster. With proof now on his side, father was ready to make the knowledge known, until he was found dead in his office."

Kagome pressed her fingers to her lips. "He was murdered by Naraku?"

"Just the beginning of his revenge against our family." Sesshomaru opened his eyes to peer over at her. "So you can obviously see that what is happening tonight has very little to do with Kohaku."

"What do you mean?" Sango stepped forward.

He let out another sigh as he glared at the mess the boy left behind. "While you were at the Academy, a lackey of Naraku's became a sort of confidant for Kohaku. Naraku did not forget the role your father played in his downfall. So he used the boy to come after InuYasha."

"How?" Sango whispered.

The man's eyes narrowed. "Manipulation of the heart's weakness can bring much power over oneself. Naraku knew InuYasha was traumatized by father's death and had become a delinquent, but not so far gone to be lost entirely to degradation. When it came to loyalty and self sacrifice, InuYasha was extreme to a fault. When I had managed to get the fool back off the streets he at least made an attempt to become a member of society, but by this time, Naraku had played his greatest pawn. Kohaku was too innocent to understand how deep he was in until it was too late, so he went to the only person who would understand and help. It was exactly as Naraku had planned, to ensnare the child to act as bait."

"And for InuYasha to take his place." Kagome felt weak kneed and stared blindly at the ground.

Sesshomaru nodded. "His self sacrifice was the very thing Naraku needed to fulfill his ultimate retribution. But what happened next would prove to be his undoing."

Both girls turned to look up at him.

"While under my care, Kohaku discovered the evidence I had been collecting linking Naraku to our family downfall, and with that found the role he had played in InuYasha's entrapment. Determined to rectify his mistake, Kohaku planned to pay off Naraku by repaying his debt and thus releasing InuYasha's obligation. It was a brave ploy, but foolishly thought out. Had I been aware, I may have been able to stop what would result from his final action."

Sango's face turned white as a sheet as realization set in.

"He returned to his house to pawn off your mother's possessions." Sesshomaru continued. "Since she had left, Kohaku felt no affection for her things and felt it would be enough to make the money to bring to Naraku. With the help of Kagura Kane, Naraku's hireling who had befriended him, they set off to rob his own house."

"Kagura!" Sango seethed, burning hatred filled her eyes. "So she betrayed him."

He shook his head. "On the contrary, she had long defected from Naraku's influence and was eager to see him back behind bars. She had planned on planting a few items in his home to link him to the crime they were committing. It was just bad timing that you still happened to be there."

Sango blinked. "I don't understand."

"Kohaku had thought you were leaving that night to head back to the Academy, so when they had arrived at the house, your presence was very much a shock. Kagura had no knowledge of who you were and I am sure Kohaku was terrified to be caught. So when something such as a door being swung open, I'd imagine it would have easily startled him...."

A fat ear rolled down Sango's face. "And he would have accidentally triggered the gun."

"That he had no intention of firing."

Sango looked up at him with watery brown eyes. "How do you know this?"

Sesshomaru lowered his head to stare bitterly to the floor. "I was in my office the moment he called. I had then noticed the disarray of my files but could not fathom what he had told me. He was beyond hysterics but had enough sense to tell me where he was. By the time I had arrived I was too late. Both were shot in the head execution style. Kagura was dead, Kohaku almost so. I had him taken to a private hospital where they had managed to save his life, but when he recovered the extent of the damage was known. He had no memory." He looked up at Sango. "To protect him and our families, I did what I had to. I planted the information that he was dead and then I brought him to you." With that said he turned to Kagome.

"You knew? You knew the connection between Kohaku and Sango?" she stammered. "Why...?"

"Because had he been known to be alive, Naraku would have personally rectified it. He leaves no loose ends." He looked over to Sango with an air of consolation. "He was protected there, nourished and raised as he should have been. My only regret is the pain you had to suffer because of it."

Sango could only shake her head as she moved to the couch to sit down. "I can't...I can't deal with that right now. I just want to know how Naraku has him now."

Sesshomaru grimaced slightly. "It would seem that the concert he played stirred more publicity than I had thought. There was a picture of the band in the paper. With Naraku's demand for detail, it should be no surprise that someone would have recognized him. And someone had - Kikyo."

"Kikyo?" Sango brushed the tear tracks from her face.

"Yes. And from what had occurred tonight, it is obvious Naraku has a new strategy."

"But I don't understand. He got what he wanted, InuYasha practically lives under his thumb. Why does he have Kohaku now?" Sango cried.

Sesshomaru gave her a dark stare. "You forget. There is another person whom Naraku has yet to destroy."

Kagome gasped. "He's after you!"

He nodded. "Indeed. He caught the fly to catch the spider to catch the fish."

"How does he expect to do this?"

Sesshomaru looked her over once. "You know him above all others, Kagome. Had he given any indication tonight of what he planned to do?"

Kagome opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. The conversation she and InuYasha had repeated in her mind, but now with an entirely different meaning. "He said he was back to where he started, that this is what he's meant to do, the only thing he's good at." Her eyes filled with tears. "Does he know?"

"About our connection with Naraku?" Sesshomaru growled. "No, so when he had called to tell me Kikyo had discovered Kohaku and Naraku had him, I had barely time to reason with him before he told me to come here and hung up."

Sango let out a dour laugh. "So now we wait, huh?"

Their manager crossed his arms. "So it would seem."

"But what I don't understand is how he plans on getting to you," Kagome said.

"I expect that's where Kohaku comes in. No doubt he will have the message that will bring me into Naraku's hands."

Sango sniffed as she looked from Sesshomaru to Kagome and back. "Shouldn't we call the police?"

"And tell them what?" He asked with a shake of his head. "Until Kohaku arrives here they can give us no immediate help."

"I can't just sit here." The woman stood up quickly to head to her room. "I'm going to call Miro."

Sesshomaru barely gave Kagome a glance as he slowly paced the room.

Kagome let out a small breath, the warehouse suddenly feeling stagnant and cramped. It could possibly be a long wait for Kohaku to arrive and she felt suffocated from the emotion welling up inside her. What could he have been thinking to do this alone? Had he listened to nothing she said? She bit down hard on her lower lip. Did her love mean nothing for him to at least tell her? She stepped out into the chilly night and peered up at the purple clouds. But that was just like him to a fault. It was his way of protecting her, it was always his way. From the very beginning she should have realized she could never change this aspect of him. When it came down to something to protect, he gave up a piece of himself to save it. But now who was to save him? 'Oh InuYasha, where are you?'

A small trill echoed at her waist and she fumbled to reach for her cell. "Hello?"

"Kagome?"

Her lips parted in shock. "Kohaku?"

"Kagome, I didn't know who else to call. Something terrible happened. I need you to come get me."

She hesitated a moment, her eyes darting over to the warehouse before she jogged to her car. "Where are you?"

"The Seventh Hell."

A/N: And another chapter done! Whew. And special thanks to my Beta, Jessie Angel for knocking out my apostrophes and flipping them into commas. Fantastic work on crossing my i's and dotting my t's.

Another special shout out to InuSoul for recommending Josh Groban. His songs really helped me get this chapter going.

And thank you to all those who have reviewed and most of all read this story so far. As most have feared, next chapter is the anticipated one. I hope you enjoy!

Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	36. Sacrifice

Kagome drifted her small car to a stop and shut off the engine, casting a deafening silence around the opening towards the Seventh Hell. She shuddered involuntarily as she took in the vacant road lined by charred walls and broken windows. On any given day this place felt haunted, desolate, but this was the first time the Southern Block felt so very evil. A soft huff of air escaped her lungs as she searched her surroundings for any sign of trouble before clicking open her door and stepping out into the chilly night air that seemed to wrap around her like a vice.

Hiking her coat tighter against her neck, she climbed lightly over the concrete barrier that blocked the road coming in, her feet crunching against the frozen ground as she made her way toward the familiar shop district.

"Kohaku!" She whispered loudly, terrified of breaking the silence. Her heart beat frantically against her chest. She shouldn't have come alone, she knew that all too well. The thought pounded against her mind as she covered the distance to where Kohaku said to meet, yet she couldn't bear the idea of leading Sesshomaru or anyone into whatever trap lay ahead. She only hoped that Kohaku was alright and she could get him home safe before all else.

"Ko?" She shivered as a cold blast of wind whipped around her frame and nearly missed the voice caught within the tail end of it. "Kohaku?"

"Here." The faint voice repeated from the burnt out corner store to her left.

Her throat parched with fear and relief, Kagome jogged over to the crusted door frame and peeked in. The dark recess of the abandoned building left little to see. Everything was scorched black and cast an unforgivable shadow over anything the light from the outside managed to touch. A slight snuffling from the shattered store front pane nearly made her jump as she quickly noticed Kohaku's huddled form shivering underneath.

"Oh, babe." Kagome rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around him. "Are you alright?"

A sob wrenched from the boy's throat as his hands shot out and gripped her waist like a lifeline. "Oh god, Kagome! I killed him. God, I killed him!"

Kagome's throat seized and she struggled to swallow. "Who, Ko?"

Kohaku heaved in a shuttered breath, his voice muffled as he buried his face within the warms folds of her jacket. "My dad."

"Oh...oh, Ko..." Instinctively her arms clenched tighter and she tucked her frame around him like a cocoon. A whirlwind of thoughts erupted in her mind with questions she could barely put into words. With answers she was terrified to reveal.

"I remember."

Kagome pulled back enough to peer down to his face. He seemed to look right through her. She licked her lips and could taste the bitter air between the chapped creases. "It-It'll be all right. We'll talk about it on the way, but I need to get you out of here. This place isn't safe and Sango is waiting for you back at the warehouse."

"No," he shook his head and dragged his despondent gaze toward the door, "I'm not going back there."

"But Ko..."

"Kagome," he turned to her, "what would I say? After – after all that I've done...what would I say?"

She searched his face for the longest time before she nodded and wiped a wet tendril of hair from his brow. "I understand." And she did. When one had faced the most terrifying and most debilitating moment of their life, what could one say to make it less painful? It was too raw right now to think it through, to talk it over with people who would ask too much. But right now they didn't have the luxury of time. "But still, we can't stay here." She eyed the door nervously until a bitter sound came from Kohaku's lips.

"They won't come for me. They have what they want."

Kagome rounded on him. "What do you mean?"

His attention was at the door, obviously following her thoughts on what danger they might be in. "It was never me they wanted. Even from the beginning, it was never me. But it's because of me that they have him."

Her mouth parted, her throat trying to voice what she already knew. "InuYasha?"

He nodded once.

She shot her gaze to the door then turned back to the boy in front of her. "What happened, Kohaku?"

The fear and panic in her voice caused him to pale even more as he stared up at her. "It was Kikyo."

Her brows furrowed in confusion and he continued in haste.

"I...I didn't know who she was. She came to the warehouse looking for InuYasha. She said she had a deal he couldn't refuse. I...I thought she was talking about his music, about the band. We got to talking and I told her about Guardian and the Shikon House. She seemed really interested in all that I had to say, she even thought my amnesia and how I found my family again would make a great pitch. She said she knew a record label manager who would be willing to sign me on. Since she was there to see Inu I thought it was legit, so I went with her to meet him." He bit his lower lip and his head ducked towards the floor. "But it was Naraku." He peered up at her, studying her face for something and she was unsure what her expression could possibly be with all that she was feeling. "He's a monster, Kagome. He's the reason behind everything. God, I can't begin to explain! Once I saw him, I remembered. I remembered everything, like a flash."

Kagome tried to swallow but it was like ingesting dirt. Her hand shook as she wrapped her fingers through his hair and brought his head to her shoulder. "I...I know what you saw, Ko."

She let him pull away and met his dark eyes as they searched her for the longest time before they filled with tears that poured onto his pale cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't have all the answers, baby." She itched to wipe the tears from his face but clutched her fingers into the thin fabric of his coat instead. "And until you found Sango, I knew as much as you had. Then, it was she who intended to tell you. And I'm so sorry she didn't."

Terrible hurt overwhelmed his face, but Kagome saw it for what it was, betrayal – for being denied the truth. "Why?"

"I...I think because she couldn't face it anymore than you could. Because she wasn't there to protect you. I think this was her way of making up for it." She held his arms tight when he tensed and his eyes flared in hurt fury. "I'm not saying what she did was right or fair. Sango believed you were killed because she wasn't there for you when you needed her most. Can you blame her for wishing nothing happened? That she found you and that was all that mattered?"

Kohaku took a few deep breaths then collapsed against the crumbling wall with a defeated sob. "I was so angry with her, and I'm so sick of her cowardice. If I knew, if she only let me know...I wouldn't be here now. This wouldn't be happening. It's just like before. Everything is happening like it did before."

A sickening uneasiness filled her chest. She lowered her head to peer into his eyes. "Ko? What do you mean by that?"

"It's because of me." He shook his head despondently. "When I remembered who he – who Naraku was, what I did, I ran back to Sango's. When I saw her, I just snapped. Everything that had happened that night with my dad, she - she just let it happen. She never said a word. And tonight, when I asked - begged her to tell me why, she never answered. Only that she was sorry." He chuckled bitterly. "And so I did what I always did when she wasn't there. I went to InuYasha."

Kagome's mouth floundered on what to say as her mind went back to no more than an hour ago. Kohaku must have just left after she arrived at InuYasha's apartment. Whatever was said, InuYasha had already made the decision to go to Naraku. But this time it was different. This time there was more than debt at stake. But the question was what. "What," she swallowed, "what did he tell you?"

A large tear fell onto his cheek as she looked down to his shaking hands. She noticed his fingers looked numb as he wiped the moisture from his cheeks with the back of his grubby sleeve. "He told me to go home - that he'd deal with Naraku. I argued with him, told him to tell you or Sango. He said no. Enough people were hurt because of this, he'd take care of it. I asked him what he was going to do, he didn't answer. But the look on his face scared me. I knew what he did for me before, when I couldn't pay off my debt with Naraku. I couldn't face him after what he did then. I didn't know how to stop him from going now. So I decided to find you, but Naraku was waiting for me outside Yasha's building. He brought me here."

Kagome fell onto her behind as her gaze drifted along the thin shaft of light from the broken window. She took a few halting breaths before confusion marred her brow. "He just left you here?"

He nodded and sniffed again. "He said I knew what I had to do. Once he drove off, I called you."

"What you had to do?"

"Yeah, I have no clue what that means. But it was so weird. He kept talking like he never knew I lost my memory." He shrugged. "I never corrected him. He seemed intent for me to talk about Sesshomaru, but I was too terrified to say anything. He...he said he had plans."

Kagome could only stare blankly at the wall. So this was the lure to get Sesshomaru here. But instead of the elder Taisho, it was she who came. Her brow twisted in incredulous confusion. Naraku must have believed that Sesshomaru was still his guardian. But why? Why didn't he know of Kohaku's last four years? Surely Kikyo would have told him. His past was the very key to all of this. Kohaku was the bargaining chip, the beginning domino that would bring the Taisho name to ruin. But it wouldn't mean a thing if he no longer had ties to Sesshomaru. Kikyo would know this, so why wouldn't she have told Naraku that Kohaku wouldn't call Sesshomaru? It just didn't make any sense.

Also, InuYasha told Sesshomaru to meet Kohaku at the warehouse. That could only mean that InuYasha had anticipated to trade for Kohaku's life. But if Kohaku was here...

"Ko-Kohaku, where is InuYasha?"

His eyes shifted toward the centre of the destruction, toward the Sunset Shrine that blocked the dark horizon. Kagome scanned the distant hill as if to will herself to see InuYasha before Kohaku spoke.

"He arrived no more than ten minutes ago. He sped by on his bike towards the hill there. I never had a chance to get to him, to warn him. That's where Naraku went after he left me here." Silence, then. "Kagome...Naraku said he was going to kill him."

"What!" She spun around to face Kohaku with admonished horror. Icy tears threatened to burn her eyes as she battled with the terror raging within. She shook as she reached into her coat pocket. "Oh, God, Kohaku! Here," she handed him her car keys. "Wait there, I'll be right back!"

"Kagome? What are you going to do!"

She had no clue what she was going to do, but she was certain she was not going to let InuYasha die. Without a word she started to run with the wind pressing against her back as the snow began to fall around the Seventh Hell.

InuYasha walked steadily up the final steps of the shrine. His eyes were always upon the twisted and gnarled branches of the God Tree that revealed itself with each upward step. The beginning snow left a trace of incandescent glitter, almost like a pearly sheen, to whisper over the tops of each twig and branch, masking the scars to make the tree look almost...heavenly.

Slowly he made his way to the holy icon, seeing it as if for the first time. Or maybe, for the last. How that alone made all the difference. How much he had learned over such a short amount of time. But it no longer mattered. His life seemed to fade away, further away from who he was. Away from what he was becoming. He lost the will after he had failed them all. The last chance to set them all free. And now here he was, back at the beginning. There was nothing left for him to fight for. And there was nothing left he had to give.

He cast his gaze to the ground and saw three wilted blossoms tucked safely within the roots, barely touched by the frost. Things were not what they used to be. Not even the emptiness he felt was the same. Before it was missing freedom, and now, it was missing...her. And it felt a thousand times worse.

With reverent pause, he stopped and grazed his fingers along the whitening trunk, leaving a wake of blackened char upon the tips. Yesterday could never be forgotten, no matter how much he wished it. But no one could save him from himself, and now that he faced the end, he couldn't think of why he tried.

His fingers dropped to his side as he stepped away from the tree and waited with a bowed head.

Time seemed to stand still when the sound of footsteps whooshed softly in the snow and stopped in front of him. He lifted his gaze only slightly as the man began to speak.

"I've been waiting a long time for this."

InuYasha kept his eyes trained on Naraku's chest. He refused to acknowledge the smirk no doubt on his face or the bland boredom on Kikyo's beside him. He was more intent on staring at the point where the man's black heart beat and willed it to stop. "Where is Kohaku?"

"Probably fulfilling the last of my plan. If all goes well."

"If you touch one hair on that kid-"

"Oh, pish posh, had I wanted the boy dead I would have finished what should have been done the first time. But it turned out to be fortuitous that he survived and that your brother managed to hide him from me for so long. It made my coming offer that much more tempting."

InuYasha frowned in confusion and was glad his long bangs had covered his expression. What the hell was Naraku talking about, Sesshomaru hiding Kohaku? "I have no temptation over anything you can offer. I've paid his debt, he has nothing to do with you."

"That is actually true. But you see, my boy, it was never him I was after. And the offer isn't for you."

InuYasha's chest tightened with unease. "Then what do you want with me? I already paid you what I owed. I told you I wanted out."

He cringed in disgust as a cold chuckle swept by him. "Yes, it was very clever. The band you made actually surprised me and you went pretty damn far. But, I couldn't let my last commodity leave. I put too much effort in keeping you to let some silly competition take you away."

InuYasha could feel his cheeks pale as the implication hit home. He shot his gaze up with vicious hatred towards the smiling man before him. "You sent them? You were the one responsible for them getting us disqualified?"

Naraku shrugged. "Guilty. I had several people film what I thought to be a very convincing case of your sorry and reckless behaviour. It's amazing what news people believe when you pay them enough."

Pin pricks of pain shot up his arm as his nails dug deep within his palms. His breath pressed hot and heavy against his teeth. "Why?"

"Because you owe me."

"I... Owe... You... Nothing!" His voice rattled off the timbers of the God tree and the shattered walls of the house beside them. "I have given you more than you deserve, and you have nothing else to take from me! You've taken it all!"

The dark man shut his eyes as if offended by the volume. With a shake of his hands, Naraku peered down as he adjusted his leather gloves. "Ah, but that's where you're wrong. You have one thing I want, the last thing to make all this hard work worth while. You see, it was never about you either. Had I wanted to pander to some spoiled brat for these last few years I would have settled with that officer's boy. But I have no need for small fish."

InuYasha could barely contain the need to strangle the man as he stepped forward with twitching hands. A soft click brought his attention to Kikyo who held a small pistol directed at his chest. He contained a low growl as he shifted his sight to the man in front of him. "Then why am I here?"

"Because you are the last card to be dealt before I have my complete revenge."

"What revenge?"

Naraku perked an eyebrow and snorted on a brief laugh. "Why, on your father, of course."

InuYasha stepped back in shock. "What have you against him?"

"That man had taken more from me than what you could ever possibly fathom. I had wealth, prestige, and a name that could own this world. And he took it all without a mark." The malicious look on Naraku's face made his skin crawl. "So as I dug myself out of that hell he put me in, I made it my life to take everything that he so dearly loved. Beginning with his own life."

InuYasha could feel his legs give out from under him and he felt the jar go straight to his shattered heart as his knees collided with the dirt. "You killed him?"

"Before I promised that I would hunt down his family, destroy his name, and take all that he worked hard for. To see that look on his face before he died was...euphoric."

His chest hurt so badly from the shock that he couldn't breathe and he collapsed on all fours trying to inhale. It couldn't be. All this time he'd been working for his father's killer? He had spent all that time trying to pay off a ridiculous debt when he should have been seeking ways to kill this mother fucker for ruining his life!

"Your mother was easy. Switching her antidepressants with some psychotic drugs was enough to destroy her mind. You were a bit of a challenge, but once I saw how easily you gave yourself for your friends, especially what you put up with to save that boy at the half way house...well, what better way to kill two birds with one stone than to put that annoying Chihaya in his place. So I corrupted his boy, Kohaku, and racked up some bogus charges against him. With no means to pay, what could he do? With a little nudge in the right direction he could ask an old family friend, a man who was already on a downward spiral, a man who would sacrifice anything to save a friend. And because of Kohaku, I then had you."

He wanted to be sick. He wanted to throw up the murderous beast he could feel overwhelming his being. "You... bastard..."

"Oh, you have no idea." A creaking of Naraku's leather gloves made a cold sweat form on his brow. "I thought that as soon as I had you, your brother would come calling. He would see to it to break you of your pact with me. He knew all too well who I was, but, as time went on and you got more and more pathetic, your dear sweet brother never came to your aid. Why is that, do you suppose?"

InuYasha managed to pull in deep breaths, the air feeling like razors against his lungs. He glared hatefully up at the man from his position on the ground. "He knew?"

"Oh yes, for quite some time. He's been investigating me, wracking up evidence ever since he took over your father's company. What should have been my company." Naraku brushed the snow accumulating on his shoulders. "But with you owing me quite a large sum because of Kohaku, I pretty much had you by the throat. And he knew it. My downfall would also have been your own."

InuYasha stared at the ground with disbelief. "He never offered to pay."

"Of course not, and link Taisho with paying off a crime boss? It was embarrassing enough having the rebellious younger son tarnish the illustrious name. But you did have your inheritance."

"I revoked that claim." He peered up as he found strength to lift himself to stand.

Naraku's eyes rose slowly. "Did you now... And why did you do that? It could have been so much easier for you had you taken the money to pay me."

"I wanted nothing from my father. I wanted nothing that linked me to my past."

"Hmm." Naraku slowly appraised him and tenderly stroked his jaw. "But it was enough that you unwittingly protected your damn brother from me as well. A testament of how clever your righteous stupidity can be." He gave a deep sigh. "But no matter. At this very moment your brother should be heading this way if Kohaku did his part."

InuYasha clenched his fists. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"Though I was severely upset to find the boy I had ordered killed had actually survived, as I do not take betrayals lightly, it turned out he would play a key role in obtaining Sesshomaru for me where you had failed."

InuYasha shook his head in confusion. "What does Kohaku have to do with Sess?"

Naraku cast a dubious glace at the woman beside him. "Sources have informed me that he has been under the care of your brother these last few years. As guardian of Kohaku, surely the man who protected him from me all this time would come claim the boy. Kohaku waits at the opening of this hell hole, and once he explains it all to your brother, he will come charging to your aid."

InuYasha gave Kikyo a questioning look. She had lied to Naraku. Kohaku had told her everything. Why would she lie? He swiftly turned back to Naraku. Whatever her motives, the important thing was that Kohaku wasn't here. The boy would have definitely called Sango by now, and if he told her everything that was happening, she would drag his sorry ass all the way home and out of danger. Sesshomaru would be able protect them in the way he knew best. He had made his brother swear on the phone before he came to get the Chihaya's out of dodge. Even if Kohaku told Sess, his brother wouldn't come for him. It was not in his nature to put the Taisho honour on the line.

But it was in his nature to put everything on the line. He was the final factor. Without him, Sesshomaru will have the freedom to take Naraku down. So this really was the end.

His soul sparked with renewed purpose and leered at the smug man. "What do you have planned?"

Naraku cocked his head in the direction of the gun. "Give him an offer he can't refuse. Sell me the stock in Taisho or watch you die."

"Rather unoriginal." InuYasha grinned hatefully.

"I put too much time and effort in this to have originality mess it up. In either case, I get a part in my revenge."

"Then I'm sorry to disappoint you." InuYasha could feel his eyes burn against the bitter cold wind. "But you won't get your revenge tonight. He won't come."

Naraku's eyes seemed to darken. "You seem certain of that."

"For a man who staked his life on manipulating our lives like some fucked up web, you never stopped to really consider who you were dealing with."

A slow curve of Naraku's lips was enough to show his doubt. "You believe he will not come to save his only brother?"

"I guarantee it." His eyes never left the man before him. "It wasn't just the fact he denied his help. He knew who I was to not interfere. It wasn't his punishment."

"Punishment?" Naraku seemed to ponder the word and ushered him to explain.

InuYasha glared at the man through thick bangs as he stood tall. "It could have been avoided – all of it. I could have stopped it all had I listened to Kohaku when he needed me. I could have not run away when it got too hard. I could have just stayed and dealt with it all. But I was a fool and let my anger take me down. This world may have failed me because of you, but it never gave me a reason why I did what I did. I could have chosen a different path in life. But if I had, where would they all be? It was always my choice, my punishment."

His eyes pierced as he gave Naraku a bitter smile. "But in the end, it was always my sacrifice!" With that he lunged with fists raised before a high powered crack filled the air.

InuYasha stood still in shock as he peered at the smoking barrel of the gun. His open jaw felt frozen as he waited for the pain to erupt before he fell down dead. But all he could hear was Naraku screaming at Kikyo.

"You fucking bitch! I need him alive! I want to fucking destroy him!"

InuYasha continued to stare at the gun then watched paralysed as a slow smile travelled across Kikyo's lips. "I already did."

A faint thump of something hitting the ground behind him made him turn in horrified confusion. His face twisted in excruciating pain as a terrible cry wrenched from his throat.

He turned and ran, each step going as fast as the beat of his racing heart as he caught her limp body before her bloodied chest hit the ground. "Kagome!"

He pulled her pale face to stare up at him as her body shuddered, her life draining away between them as he clutched her tightly. "God!" He screamed. "No!"

"There is no sacrifice greater," Naraku said, "than someone else's."

InuYasha barely saw them leave through his tear stained vision as his whole world faded to black.


	37. Death is Life

The hospital doors crashed open as InuYasha ran in clutching Kagome's pale body hard against him, his thick jacket wrapped around her to stave off the blood flow and cold. The panicked expression on his face was enough to make everyone in the waiting room take notice then step into action.

He never even felt them pull her form from him as they lifted her onto a stretcher and wheeled her through several swinging doors. He followed without hesitation, never letting his eyes leave her as they ripped off his jacket to assess the damage. Frozen numbness chilled him to the core as he saw the extent of her blood for the first time. Her entire body looked soaked with it. As soon as his coat was removed, Kagome began to shake and convulse as the emergency staff struggled to hold her down. A terrified cry echoed around the emergency room walls, only realizing it was coming from him.

"She's been shot!" One nurse yelled.

"I can't get a pulse!" Another said with blood soaked fingers against Kagome's throat.

"Prepare the ECG!"

InuYasha watched in horror as a doctor performed CPR while the other readied a defibrillator.

"Sir...?"

He could feel hands press hard against his chest but he refused to move. "What're they doing to her?"

"Sir, you have to leave!"

"I don't understand what they're saying. What're they saying!" He struggled to push the hands off of him.

"Sir, they're doing everything they can. Please wait outside!"

Several more hands grabbed him and pulled until the double doors slid shut before him, blocking him from seeing anymore.

"Sir? Sir!"

He blinked and looked down at a nurse who was stained with blood. He shook his head as he stared at it.

"Are you hurt?" She asked him.

Hurt? He swallowed and peered back at the closed doors. He couldn't feel a thing.

"You're covered in blood. Can you tell us what happened?"

Again he felt his head shake as he then peered down at himself. His t-shirt was soaked, as were his pants and ends of his hair. His hand shook as he reached up to feel it cold and wet between his fingers. "I was the one who was supposed to be shot."

"What?"

His fist closed hard against his chest as he let out a sharp cry and tears burned down his cold cheeks. His back collided with the wall behind him and he slid to the floor, crying hard though he could barely bring himself to breathe.

He could sense the nurse was trying to talk to him but he couldn't hear her over the terrible noise in his head. Over and over he heard the shot, the sound of her knees hitting the ground. Over and over he could hear himself scream. But in between it all he could hear himself begging until his breath was voicing it out loud.

"Dear God, please don't. Dear God, please don't!"

The nurse looked terrified. "Security!"

"Delay that order!"

The familiarity of the voice had him blink through massive tears to see Sesshomaru charge over in his direction. Kohaku followed at his heels. His brother took one look at him then rounded on Kohaku.

"What happened?"

The boy's mouth was open as he stared at InuYasha on the floor. "I...I don't know! She...she went looking for him. I was waiting in the car. Then InuYasha came riding on his motorcycle, Kagome was in his arms. He saw me and jumped off the bike and got into the backseat. He...he told me to drive here. Oh...god...she was bleeding so much! I...I drove here and called Sango on the way...I..."

Sesshomaru swiped his hand to silence the boy as a group of security officers rounded the corner. He gave them a deadly glare before turning back and reaching down. InuYasha could feel a strong grip lift him to his feet as his brother led him and Kohaku down a hallway and through another set of doors.

"The rest of them will be arriving soon, including her family. Tell me everything!" Sesshomaru shook InuYasha roughly by the arm.

Quickly Kohaku began to explain. Inside his mind InuYasha could see the events of the night. Kohaku coming to his apartment, pushing Kagome out the door, the call from Naraku...

"I think he wanted me to call you, but I called her instead..." Kohaku continued.

She came. She came like she always came. Determined to save, to heal.

"She told me to stay in the car and then ran off to find him."

Ran... Ran right into the path he had chosen for himself. But what purpose did it serve? Who did it save?

"It was for me..."

Sesshomaru and Kohaku stared at him and he realized he spoke. InuYasha wiped his weary face and looked down to his palm to see a trail of wet tears and blood. He clenched his fist and bit his lower lip. "That bullet was meant for me. They meant to kill me. They wanted you and were going to use me to do it. But I wouldn't let them. I wasn't going to let him get his satisfaction."

"Naraku's revenge?"

InuYasha looked up at his brother and nodded. "I was the last thing they had against you. Without me, you could make your move. You could finally go after him. But she came..."

"Kagome?" Sesshomaru murmured as two nurses ran by.

"He needed me alive." InuYasha lifted his chin as his gaze fell to the polished floor. "But she came up behind me. I never even knew she was there. Kikyo..."

Sesshomaru nodded and ushered him toward a washroom. "Quick, take off your shirt and put on this coat." He handed him the long coat still warm from his body. "Wash up and meet us back out in the waiting room. And speak to no one."

InuYasha gripped the coat like a vice and walked into the washroom, locking it behind him. His fingers went lax when he saw his reflection in the mirror, overly bright from the florescent light. He stared a long time at the sight. Blood streaked through his hair, and his face was lined with blood and soot and tears. He reached for the handle and let the water heat in the basin before he peeled off his shirt. His white chest was stained red, and after he washed away the dried blood his skin remained a raw pink from how hard he scrubbed. Tossing the shirt into the trash, he swept his arms into the coat sleeves and buttoned it up to the top, leaving a trace of pink to be seen on the apex of his chest. Giving himself one last glance in the mirror, he turned to the door and walked out.

The waiting room was alive with activity. Everyone it seemed had shown up. Miroku held Sango in a small corner while Kouga and Ayame sat talking close by. Sesshomaru was doing his best to explain the situation to an old woman and several teenagers surrounding her. Practically all the chairs were taken up by the kids he gathered were from the orphanage. Glancing quickly past each face, he noticed Kohaku was huddled by himself in a chair facing the blackened snow lined windows. His face was pale and he could tell the boy was crying. InuYasha stepped quietly away from the doors leading into the surgery, hoping he could slip away.

"You!" InuYasha turned in time to have Kouga grab the lapels of his jacket and thrust him hard against the wall, cracking his head against the concrete slabs. "You mother fucking asshole! What did you do to her!"

InuYasha had no fight left in him. He met the angry blue eyes of his bassist then let his head drop to his chest. "I killed her."

Heavy hands pulled Kouga away from him while keeping his back pinned to the wall. InuYasha looked up to see Miroku staring intently at him. "We don't know that." He rounded on Kouga while shoving him farther away from InuYasha. "And we all know that Yash would never do this to her."

"Then why is she here?" Kouga glared hatefully at him. InuYasha could only meet his eyes once before sliding from Miroku's grasp to the floor and covering his head with his arms. He wanted to shut the world out, fade into nothingness. Eventually his friends gave up and wandered away. He was glad for it. He needed no rebuke or comfort. He just wanted it all to be a nightmare that would end now.

But it didn't.

Time slowly ticked away as staff and patients came and went. Finally he received a nudge from Sesshomaru and he looked up. A surgeon walked slowly out of the emergency room and pulled the mask from his face. "Family of Higurashi?"

InuYasha stood and came forward, but was barred from the doctor's view as Ayame, Kaede and Hojo surrounded him to hear the news. His face contorted in hurt jealousy at seeing Hojo put an arm around the older woman and ask about Kagome with such familiarity but the emotion was quickly swept aside as the surgeon spoke.

"I wish I could tell you good news, but the internal damage is extensive. The bullet ricocheted off a rib and nicked the heart. It then penetrated her left lung and lodged next to her spine. We managed to remove the bullet, but... she lost a lot of blood. It's rather amazing she survived the surgery, as for the next twelve hours, only time can tell."

InuYasha reeled as the room spun around him and he clutched the wall to hold himself steady.

"Is...is there anything we can do?" Hojo's voice sounded hoarse.

"Pray," Kaede said softly beside him. "All we can do is pray."

InuYasha bowed his head and staggered out of the hospital.

888

It had been two days, two long days waiting. And he had spent the entire time locked away in his apartment. After trashing everything he could manage to break, he ended up sitting on the floor of his bedroom. He was unsure how long he had been there.

Twice she suffered from cardiac arrest. Twice they managed to bring her back. His cell phone lay limp in his weak grasp. But it had been an entire day since he last heard about her progress. And it was killing him. His head ached as he rocked it side to side against his knees. He was exhausted but too terrified to sleep. If he fell asleep he was certain something terrible would happen and he would lose her for good. It was then he understood what the meaning of death was. It wasn't fading into nothingness. There was no pain in that. Death was a tearing of the soul of the one left behind. It was eternal separation from body, heart and mind. And the pain of that was beyond nothingness. It was hell.

He peered down at the call display to see it showing the time. Damn it! He tossed the cell to the side and stood, pulling his aching fingers through his hair, tearing out strands as they snagged on knots. The pain felt cold and invigorating, but also increased his anger and panic. What the hell was he supposed to do? The waiting was fucking with his mind. He could easily just go to the hospital, get all the news first hand instead of waiting for a call, but he was not welcome there.

Sango had come by and managed to upend his glass coffee table before she cut him from her life. Kouga threatened to beat the shit out of him, but refused to speak to him. This was news from Miroku, the only one who still called to let him know what was happening. InuYasha didn't dare know what her family was thinking. It was enough to know he was the reason why she lay dying in some sterile room in the hospital.

He paced his room until the walls felt like they were closing in on him. With a barrage of silent cursing, he grabbed his cell and coat and left his apartment.

The cold wet day blasted him hard as he walked out onto the street. Buses and cars thundered too loudly past, splashing slush and mud up onto the sidewalk as he trudged upon it, sidestepping puddles. He kept his head down as he walked, hitching his shoulders higher to hold off the wind blowing down his neck. He felt cold. Inside and out. He was too far gone from feeling anything else.

The beeping of a backing truck had him shut his eyes and increase his pace. Beep, beep, beep...like a heart mechanically kept alive with no soul to keep it going. He shook his head and stared at the concrete beneath his feet. How swiftly it moved yet he felt he was going nowhere. Another step then another, and it brought him to the same place each time. He couldn't escape the pain no matter how hard he tried.

Shadows of people passed by him. Nameless, shapeless, and oblivious to the fact he was a murderer. He was just waiting for time to kill. His hair threaded by his face, hiding him from their innocent glances. Did he show the mark of the guilty? He certainly felt he had the sign of the condemned.

Jumping over a snow drift, he quickly jogged across the cross walk, dodging people with ease. He had no desire to touch them, to feel their warmth and solidity. He wanted them to be ghosts, shades of what was unreal and dead. Then maybe if he kept walking, he'd walk right out of this hell and end up... His pace slowed as a bitter hold gripped his heart. And end up where? Any place that she never existed? Any place that didn't have this pain that had him feeling so close to breaking he wondered how he didn't shatter right then and there?

He clutched his coat against his throat and glanced up to see where he was going when he caught sight of blue sky piercing through the shade of clouds. A rim of silver framed the grey to a point of gold. He stood still and gazed at it until his eyes hurt and started to tear. Blinking rapidly, he swiftly turned and headed back from where he came when a sudden a blast of a semi's horn had him leap back onto the sidewalk, narrowly being hit by the truck as it passed.

Watching the truck drive by, he nearly missed the vibrating ring of his cell. Looking down, he scrambled to answer. "Sess?"

"She died, InuYasha. Come home."

888

Izayoi Taisho's funeral was a private affair. Very few kept in contact since the family degraded after his father's death. InuYasha stared blankly down at the stone that covered her fresh grave.

"She died peacefully." Sesshomaru said simply on the opposite side of the mound.

InuYasha looked up. The black suit and tie fit his brother like a glove. Nothing was out of place compared to the haphazard way the same suit hung on him. "I don't think I can ever forgive her."

The older man nodded. "Some things are impossible to forgive. It's those things we will constantly fight until the remainder of our lives." His golden eyes met his. "But we must always fight. Or else we will be doomed to let it take over us, to make us do unforgivable things."

InuYasha studied the wearied and stern face before turning back to the grave. "Do you think there's a heaven, Sess?"

"I always try to believe there is some good to come out of this world."

"Yeah, but what about the rest of it?"

He heard his brother sigh. "It will remain here, until we fix everything we did wrong."

There was a long pause before either spoke.

"You have yet to ask about her."

InuYasha shrugged. "I figured no news was good news."

"I guess to be dealing with the funeral, to know of any details would have made it too unbearable?"

InuYasha sighed. "It stopped being bearable when dad died."

He could feel his brother shift and he looked up to see an uncomfortable frown mar Sesshomaru's mouth.

"It stopped being about dad when he died." Sess said. "Everything was his decision, his rules and his ideals. When he died, we had no direction. But that was our fault."

A slight scoff passed through InuYasha's lips. "I don't know where you think we went wrong. You did everything perfectly."

"No," Sess shook his head and InuYasha was stunned to see a sadness under the thoughtfulness. "I tried to do exactly as dad had done. To live up to his standard. I was so focused on being just like him, I forgot everything else. Even those who needed me most." He turned to meet his eye. "I'm sorry, InuYasha. I'm sorry I didn't do more."

Gold studied gold before InuYasha looked away. "You did exactly what you had to. In the end, I always knew you were there." He shrugged and gave a tiny smirk. "Wasn't like Perdition funded itself. Whether I knew it or not, you did offer me an out. Just on my terms. I don't think I would've let you do it any other way."

"Hn. Stubbornness is an inherited gene."

"Keh, so is stupidity." His smile faded. "Sess...?" He turned to his brother with sudden angst.

As if sensing his question, Sesshomaru let out a deep breath. "She's stable but still in a coma. But they think she may recover. Whether there will be any damage, they won't be able to tell until she wakes."

InuYasha bit his lower lip and nodded. "I'll never forgive myself either."

"It wasn't you who caused this."

"No, but I'll always regret."

"That you couldn't stop her?"

InuYasha shook his head before gazing up at his brother. "That I never protected her like I tried with the others. Out of them all, she was the only one I couldn't protect."

Sesshomaru nodded. "That's understandable."

InuYasha frowned. "Why?"

"George Bernard Shaw once wrote 'There are two tragedies in life, one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.'" Sess gazed steadily at him over the grave. "Clearly you found both in doing everything you could to avoid it."

InuYasha tilted his chin in confusion.

A small chuckle passed from his brother's mouth. "Such a tragedy is love. It makes even the most powerful...powerless. To a point where even your innermost desires mean nothing - that you would give them all up just to feel that one moment when you knew you were truly alive, no matter the cost."

InuYasha's chest tightened as if his heart twisted in a knot and he shut his eyes. "The cost wasn't worth it."

"Bullshit."

Stunned, InuYasha stared at his brother's haughty expression.

"It was worth it, InuYasha. You are a testament to that." Sesshomaru thrust his chin over his shoulder. "Because this is life, and tragedy happens. What did you do? Give up? Quit? No, you fought every day of your life because deep down you knew what truly mattered; family, friends...love. That pain you felt? That agony you fought so hard to keep, that was life. That was what kept you going. Because you knew, deep down, there was something else worth living for. Something better. And you found it. And whether you realized it or not, you held on to it as hard as you could. So much that you were willing to risk it, no matter the cost. And so did Kagome."

InuYasha blinked hard and looked away. "I have lost more because of her than anything I've ever done."

"Do you regret it?"

"Yes," InuYasha breathed, "and no."

"Hmm." Sess laughed. "And if you had to do it all over again. To not love her, for her to not love you back, just to protect her, would you?"

InuYasha remained silent.

"I thought as much."

He shook his head. "But now she's gone."

"That remains to be seen. Life still goes on. Don't you think you should continue to fight for it? Like she is?"

"I... don't know what else to live for." InuYasha stared unseeing toward an etching on the grave marker.

"You live for her."

Uncontrollable tears filled his eyes as he looked back to his brother. Memories flooded his mind of a night not too long ago when he gave up everything for just one moment. When nothing else mattered. When she told him she lived...because of him.

"She doesn't deserve what I am."

Sesshomaru smiled. "That also remains to be seen."

InuYasha furrowed his brows.

"You're still here, Yash. And there is more to you than what you know."

A pregnant pause settled between them before a soft smile settled on InuYasha's lips. "Something worth fighting for, hey?"

"At least something worth living for." A twin smile stretched on Sesshomaru's lips. "Think you will be able to move back home?"

InuYasha lowered his eyes to the grave. "I think it's time, maybe, to move on."

"Your room is ready for you when you are."

His lips curved higher as he nodded. "Thanks."

888

As the dawn settled on the horizon, a pair of sky blue eyes opened slightly to peer out toward the new day...

A/N: Hey, another chapter! On a roll here now that I got over my block. The rest should follow just as quick. Songs to inspire the last two chapters: Metallica - Fade to Black, Dishwalla - Winter Sun, Evans Blue - Cold. And Bernard Shaw. Enjoy!


	38. Fight and Fall

Sesshomaru knocked gently on the bedroom door before stepping into the haphazard room. Several opened boxes lay strewed around and a mound of clothes were jumbled at the foot of the king sized mahogany bed. Resting against its side going through a stack of cd's on the floor was InuYasha.

"Still unpacking? Figured you give it up for the night."

InuYasha shrugged as a dark frown marred his lips. "Gotta lot to unpack."

Sess circled around the mess before stopping at the corner desk. Lifting up a small stack of brochures, he glanced over his shoulder. InuYasha continued flipping sullenly through a hand full of disks before tossing them back into the box. "I heard you called Totosai." Sesshomaru lifted the pamphlets. "Good choice."

"Keh. Doesn't the old man know about doctor-patient confidentiality?"

Sesshomaru chuckled as he tossed the rehab information back onto the desk and turned to rest against the edge, crossing his arms. "He's an old family friend. He's also a good doctor and, on occasion, a good therapist."

InuYasha just grunted as he pushed the box away with his foot and pulled himself onto his bed. Grabbing the black cell phone from the mattress, he pressed his back against the headboard and gazed miserably at nothing.

"I take it Miroku called?" Sess asked softly.

InuYasha nodded. "Kagome's awake."

Sesshomaru tilted his head as he studied his brother. "You're not pleased?"

InuYasha shook his head as he chewed distractedly on his bottom lip. His eyes touched upon various things in the room as he avoided his gaze. "She's not doing good."

"I see."

"Yeah." The younger man fiddled with the phone between his hands, spinning it in circles then used his thumb to smudge away his fingerprints. "She's still being sedated. There's...complications."

Sesshomaru remained silent as his brother tossed the phone onto the covers and sat higher against the headboard to loop his arms around his legs. Exhaling a silent sigh, Sess moved to follow suit, pushing the clothes out of the way and sat on the bed, mimicking the pose against the baseboard. "Care to tell me about it?"

Catching his eye, InuYasha frowned then scratched his nose and sniffed. "Apparently her heart isn't firing off as it should, but the doctor's think it will correct itself once it heals."

"That's good."

InuYasha merely shrugged then let out a short cough. "Her left lung collapsed, which apparently can be fixed. And there's swelling...in her spine from where the bullet lodged. She has no feeling below her waist. They don't know how bad the damage is yet. Once the swelling goes down they might be able to tell." He let out a long breath as he rubbed his brow. "So she's paralysed."

Sesshomaru peered long at his brother. "That's not all that's bothering you though."

He reluctantly shook his head. "Now that she's out of danger...she's back in it. Once Naraku's finds out she's survived, he'll come."

"...I see."

The dusky sky from the large bedroom window gave off a cold glow as both became wrapped up in their own thoughts. Sesshomaru never let his eyes wander from his brother's face. The tirade of emotions swept over it like a tide. Indomitable sadness, tireless guilt, and secret heartbreak. All of which swallowed him within that abyss he once called emptiness, when in fact it was always filled with an unquenchable pain of loneliness.

"How much longer will she be punished for my sins?" InuYasha murmured, his golden eyes glistened as they focused on the fading sun.

Sesshomaru's leg fell to the side as he eased back against the cool wood behind him. "How long will you continue to think you've committed any?" He flicked his loose fingers that rested on his upright knee. "Never have you served an injustice against your friends. Only against yourself. And I believe you've been punished enough for that."

InuYasha swallowed and shook his head. "No, it was never enough."

"No?"

InuYasha looked defeated as he gazed out the window. "All my life I've given in, because it was the easiest thing to do. I took every opportunity to take any punishment I could find because it hurt and as long as I felt pain I knew I was still human. What you called my strength was really my weakness. I sacrificed myself not to help them but to hurt me. But eventually I couldn't feel anything anymore. Nothing I did against me hurt. I was dead inside, completely numb." His eyes glittered as he breathed in deep and furiously. "It was because I never stood up for anything. I had nothing to protect. Every time I gave in...I gave up. I gave up, Sess. And that's the greatest sin I ever committed. I have no excuse for it." He swiped angrily against his eyes. "And she's the one paying for it."

Sess watched uneasily as InuYasha stared bitterly out the window. "You can't say you never fought for your friends, for her. Everything that has come to pass proves that."

He shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe, but it seemed no matter what I did with her though, she kept getting hurt."

"Is this why you've stopped visiting her?"

InuYasha looked startled, then turned away uncomfortably. "I did it to protect her."

"Oh?"

"The less I see her, the less danger she'd be in. Naraku may be biding his time to see what happens. But now that she's awake..."

"You plan on confronting Naraku, don't you." It was a statement more than a question and InuYasha's eyes hardened.

"I can't wait for him to make his move against Kagome. I'm going after him."

"Because you still need to be punished?" Sess's voice turned cold.

The fury on the boy's face was unexpected. It wasn't one of offence, but of vindication.

"Ah, I see." Sess eased back against the footboard. "Now you finally have something to fight for. That's good. That's very good. And how do you plan on making him stop? Short on killing the man, I can't see any other way, and having blood on your hands certainly won't help in the long run."

"I don't care, but I'm not going to wait around until he strikes again. I've done enough hiding. I have to protect her. As long as he still breathes no one's safe."

"And you plan on doing this alone?" Sess lifted a brow.

InuYasha's lips thinned. "I won't put anyone else in danger."

"And there lies your true weakness." At seeing his brother's confusion, Sess blinked slowly as if bored. "You give yourself too much power if you think you can do this by yourself. You think you are the only one who wishes to protect her?"

"What?" InuYasha snorted. "Her family? What could they do?"

"They have more power in this than any of you realize."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sess shifted his brows in thought. "There is something to be said about weakness. Even the most powerful man has one. Naraku's weakness is believing he has none. By cutting loose ends, he believes he creates an impenetrable wall. What he doesn't see is the crack in his foundation."

InuYasha growled. "I hate it when you talk in fucking riddles."

Sess smirked. "Meaning, dear brother, Naraku has gained his power by exploiting the weakness in every strength." Sess turned to meet his brother's eyes. "While I have gained mine by finding strength in every weakness."

InuYasha turned his head slightly. "What are you planning?"

"I only ask you to continue to wait." Sesshomaru gazed out at the coming night. "Things will come to pass. We only need to wait for the foundation to fall."

"How long are you asking me to wait?"

"Not long. Things are already in motion."

"You seem pretty sure of that."

Sess eyed his brother as a slow smile crossed his lips. "Trust me."

InuYasha's brows furrowed in silent question. "But how do you know?"

"We all have something to fight for, InuYasha." Sess said as he again turned to see the last light fade. "If we are ever so lucky to find it."

888

"How is she?" Kaede asked the doctor as he stepped quietly out of Kagome's hospital room.

"Resting." The younger man turned to gaze at Kagome's sleeping form through the large observation window. "Her stats all seem fine, and I'm optimistic that the medication and rest will correct the complications she's facing. But the fact remains, she's entered into a depression."

"Well, she did face a traumatic experience." Hojo watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Kagome's chest with the systematic blips of the heart rate monitor beside her. "She could be facing the fact she may never walk again."

"Perhaps." The doctor shrugged. "But I'm recommending psychological help. Don't worry, this is common with trauma patients. In time, she may recover." The man's beeper went off. "I'm sorry, excuse me." Hojo and Kaede watched as the doctor stepped quickly toward the elevator as it opened, flipping through his chart as he waited for a nurse to exit before disappearing into the dimly lit chrome.

"It's because of him." Hojo growled as he turned back to the window.

Kaede appeared distracted as she watched the woman in the other room. "Him?"

"InuYasha." Hojo growled. "If it wasn't for him, Kagome wouldn't be here."

Kaede sighed and peered over at him. "If it weren't for InuYasha, she wouldn't be here at all. We must remember that InuYasha was not the one who shot her, nor was he the one to put her in that situation. We all know very well the type of person Kagome is. Rash, unpredictable, but always to a point of virtue." She looked sadly back to the window. "She would have done it for anyone. But it was InuYasha who needed her the most. And it is InuYasha who she needs now."

Hojo practically sputtered in indignation as he rounded on his surrogate mother. "You can't be serious, Kaede. That's the last person she needs. Why else would she be so depressed?"

"Because she doesn't know why he hasn't come. Her heart breaks when she wakes, and she sees not him, but others watching her. She loves him, Hojo. And no pain is greater than that taken away."

Hojo peered back at the sleeping girl before him. He swallowed hard as he watched her eyelids flutter in dreams. "She's been awake for a week. Why isn't he here?"

Kaede could only shake her head before a sharp clink of metal falling on the floor had her turn to the nurse who was stooping to pick up an instrument off the floor. The woman's expression seemed perturbed at seeing a group of teenagers hurdle out of the elevator.

"Kaede?"

The old woman was stunned to see children from the Shikon House approach her. "Kohaku? Kanna, Souta, Shippou, Jim? Why are you out of the house, isn't it a school night?"

"It's winter break, remember?" Kohaku nodded toward the room they all faced. "It's our turn to keep Kagome company if she should wake through the night."

"Yes, of course." She looked at each child as they settled on the various sofas in the private waiting area Sesshomaru had graciously provided. She frowned as Shippou flicked on the large flat screen television while the girls helped themselves in the small kitchen area. "Are you sure you want to give up another night to be here?"

"It's alright, Kaede." Kohaku shrugged with a subtle smirk on his face, knowing her anxious thoughts. "It's not like we're going to bother anyone. The place is practically sound proof. Besides, it wasn't like we had much else to do. Why don't you head home, get some rest. Ayame said you've been here since dawn."

Kaede turned to look solemnly through the window to gaze at Kagome. "I don't know. What if she should need me?"

"We're here." Kanna placed her warm hand her arm. Kaede peered up at the young woman beside her. Kanna had taken the dye from her hair so it shone brilliantly white like a halo under the lights. Her cool skin seemed to glow like the winter snow that still settled her. The only thing earthly about the girl was the dark eyes that watched her with concerned logic.

Kaede patted her hand and gestured to the room. "I'm sure she would appreciate you being here."

The kids eventually quieted as they watched a movie and munched on popcorn, seemingly oblivious to the adults behind them.

"Are you sure they should be in there?" Hojo frowned as he pulled his jacket on over his shoulders.

Kaede nodded with a soft smile. "Yes. She needs to have someone here with her. Where she is emotionally isn't a good place. Maybe their happiness will be enough to bring her some peace."

The young man just grunted. "I'm going down to warm up the car. Are you coming?"

She waved him off. "I'll be down shortly. I just want to pray for a moment."

She felt more than saw his nod as he left and she settled herself next the window as she soon became accustomed to the children's quiet giggles and banter. Silently she prayed as she looked upon Kagome, her tousled hair spread like a fan on her pillow. If it weren't for the oxygen prongs and monitors, she could almost believe she was watching the dear girl sleep as she once did at home. She let out a sad sigh before a shadow next to her caught her attention. She turned to see the nurse stop as she stared at the children.

"I hope you don't mind." Kaede smiled. "They don't want Kagome to be alone at night. I promise you they won't be in your way."

The nurse looked pale but managed to give a small nod. Her eyes riveted to one child in particular. Kaede followed her gaze and grinned.

"Beautiful, isn't she?"

The nurse faltered as she looked at Kaede then back. She remained silent though her lips parted.

Kaede smiled lovingly at Kanna. "She came to us when she was five or six years old. A skinny child with cuts and bruises. She was found beaten on the streets, no doubt because of what she looked like. She was such a timid thing when she finally came to the orphanage. The only thing she had was a dirty dress and a name." Kaede hummed as she watched Kanna dodge popcorn thrown at her by Kohaku, her silken hair drifted like feathers as she laughed. "It was Kagome that took her under her wing. She understood what it meant to be different because of appearances. But for a little girl who believed she was ugly and unwanted, she needed someone like Kagome to make her see where her own beauty came from." She ushered to the window. "She looks a lot like her, though. Don't you think?"

The nurse's jaw trembled as she swallowed, her wide eyes moving from the woman on the bed to the albino. Kaede watched her for a few moments before turning back to the children. She grinned as she noticed Kohaku blush when Kanna reached up to brush popcorn from his hair. "I can see Kagome in her sometimes, especially when she smiles."

A choked sound came from the woman beside her before the nurse managed to clear her throat. "Her eyes..."

"I know. It's very rare to see such eyes with this disorder. I've never seen eyes so dark."

The nurse licked her dry lips. She continued to watch the girl laugh and stood still when Kanna turned to gaze at her in curiosity before Kohaku distracted her with a poke in the side. "She...looks happy."

"Kanna? Why yes, she's very happy."

"Kanna?" The woman repeated.

"Yes. An unusual name, wouldn't you say?"

"It...it was my mother's name."

Kaede started and turned to the woman, only to see the flow of long brown hair as the nurse walked silently toward the exit.

888

Kagome awoke to a distant hum of voices. Groggily she centred her attention on it, trying to make sense of what had roused her.

"I apologize if I woke you."

Kagome blinked her eyes open and peered tiredly over to the man who was standing at the foot of her bed, muting the television hanging on the wall.

"Sesshomaru?" She rasped, rubbing her eyes with heavy hands.

"Good morning, Miss Higurashi, or should I say good afternoon."

Kagome struggled to push her body up, feeling the odd weight of her numbed legs drag up the bed. The subtle hum of the head of the bed rising had her lay back down as Sesshomaru helped adjust her bed and get her comfortable. "Thank you, but wh-what are you doing here?"

"A lot has happened while you've been asleep. I thought it fitting to see you to help you catch up." He nodded to her bedside table. "I brought you breakfast, as I've seen what the cafeteria provides."

Kagome turned to see a variety of food scattered on the table, along with three different beverages to choose from, each with a straw in it. She eyed the steaming hot chocolate with a slight flare of her nostrils before reaching for the apple juice to rinse her mouth and sooth her parched throat. "I appreciate all this, but I still don't understand...why did you say you were here?"

He pointed to the television with the remote and pushed the volume button. "See for yourself."

_'Onigumo was found dead on the floor of his bedroom along with his assistant, Kikyo Sato, in what appears to have been a murder/suicide. Detectives have not yet released more information about the scene, but the incident does happen on the cusp of a mysterious package that arrived at police headquarters that linked Onigumo with various drug trafficking and mafia ties that had once been believed to be headed by Akio Taisho, who, if you recall, was found murdered in his office over a decade ago. With this new evidence, a formal apology is expected to be made public, vindicating the Taisho family-'_

"Whoa, wait!" Kagome held up a trembling hand in shock. "Naraku is dead?"

Sesshomaru nodded once. "It appears so."

Kagome shook her head. "But, I don't understand. How?"

The handsome man lifted a brow as a sly smirk settled on the corner of his mouth. "Why, because of you."

"Me?"

"You seem to be the catalyst for quite a number of things," the man chuckled not unkindly. "I'm rather curious to see what else will snowball because of your footsteps."

Kagome's eyes danced around the room as her mouth opened then shut. "I...I'm having a hard time understanding what's going on."

"Which is why I'm here." Sesshomaru walked silently toward the door and shut it before settling himself on a plush chair next to her bed. "You see, you had a visitor last night."

"I did?"

"Several, actually, but two of which matter most at the moment. You see, last night Kikyo arrived disguised as a nurse."

"What!" Kagome's heart rate monitor spiked and she turned to shut off the alarm, sick of it's incessant beeping. "Why?"

"It seems you have a habit of surviving against the odds." He smiled. "As well as having connections with the most unlikely people."

Kagome inhaled softly and slowly, trying to relax her fluttering heart. "I've been realizing that. So Kikyo was sent to finish me off? Who was my unlikely rescuer?"

"Kanna."

Eyes wide, Kagome reached across her bed in dire need of reassurance. "Kanna? What did she do? Is she okay?"

"Perfectly fine and none the wiser. Her main role in all of this was just to be there."

Kagome let her hand drop as her weakened body slumped deeper into the bed. "I think," she licked her dried lips, "that you'll need to explain in detail."

Sesshomaru reached over the table to grasp a steaming cup of tea and took a small sip. "Fifteen years ago, Kikyo was sent to be cared for by Naraku. When the man was still considered a fine upstanding gentleman, his chief assistant had proclaimed him guardian of his only daughter. When the assistant passed away due to unusual circumstances, Naraku became sole guardian of a twelve year old girl. I cannot reveal the full extent of his abuse to her, but within a year, a child was born to Kikyo, an albino."

Kagome's mouth floundered as she grasped everything that Sesshomaru was saying. "Naraku raped Kikyo when she was only twelve years old and-?"

"Kanna is their daughter. Yes."

"No," she shook her head once, then again more quickly. "No, there's no way..."

"As disturbing as it is, yes there is." He took a longer sip of his tea. "Naraku claimed to have adopted the child in the media's eye, but very little was known about the truth, nor what he did to them behind closed doors. About five years later, when Kikyo turned eighteen, she ran off with Kanna, no doubt wanting to protect her daughter from the abuse. Suffice to say, no one leaves Naraku and he had her found, but not without teaching her a lesson." He eyed his cup for a moment. "He had the child beaten and thrown into the streets to die. He had Kikyo believe she was dead and made no doubt on whom Kikyo belonged. He trained her well."

"Kanna..." Kagome's mind flashed with every possible thought, unable to piece together a coherent question.

"Was raised to be a very happy and healthy young woman, despite who her parents were."

Her head shook in numbed denial. "Did...how did...why was she...?"

"A few of the older children came to spend the night with you, should you need company. It was fortuitous they arrived when they had. A group of teenagers are hard to overlook in such a place," Sess looked pointedly at her, "especially one as uncommon as Kanna."

Kagome searched his face. "Kikyo recognized her?"

He cleared his throat. "I happened to have the pleasure of meeting Kanna at your party a few months ago. She had very unusual eyes for an albino. Dark to a point of black. They were very hard to ignore or forget. I would say Kikyo knew those eyes quite well, as she had seen them every day in someone else."

Kagome flicked her eyes up at the television before turning back to him. "You orchestrated all of this."

"I had very little to do with it." He shrugged. "I merely made a few phone calls."

Flexing her fingers on top her bed sheet, Kagome studied her stats on the machine. "How... how did you know it would happen like this?"

"Naraku hates loose ends. Every weakness discovered must be destroyed." His voice turned a chilling brass. "I have a daughter as well. One whom I'd kill for. It seems Kikyo felt the same way."

A lone tear trickled down her temple and she closed her eyes to stem the flow. "Kikyo caused so much pain... and after everything, I can't hate her. I am sad... I'm sad that she died this way."

"She found her redemption," Sesshomaru said. "The only thing that is sad is that no one will know why she did it."

Kagome turned to face the man beside her. "I will."

He nodded and a silence permeated the room. The beeps and whoosh of her machines seemed to grow louder with each passing second as her mind spiralled. She would always remember. She didn't think there would ever be a time where her heart wouldn't crack a little at thinking about the pain suffered at the hands of one man - one she had never met, but had been so much apart of her life as anyone else.

She turned to the television to see the meteorologist talk about the weather. Life went on with very few the wiser. Except she knew she'd never be the same. How much was tied and connected with her? It was near impossible to believe it wasn't all divinely conducted. But what if one simple choice wasn't made to make none of this happen? What if she never took the chance to step into that rehearsal hall and looked into those haunted eyes?

Kagome blinked tiredly as she let in a weary breath.

"H-how is he?"

Sesshomaru sighed. "Alive, thanks to you."

The juts of oxygen being sprayed into her lungs made her throat dry and it suddenly hurt to breathe. Kagome swallowed hard as she waited for him to say something, anything, but his silence spoke volumes. She turned her head away and struggled to pull in a deeper breath. "Thanks to me..."

"Don't take his lack of being here a sign he doesn't think of you."

"No," she murmured, "I can understand it being too hard."

"More than you realize. He has his reasons, but I can't make excuses for him. Just...give him time."

A faint twitch on her lips signalled a half-hearted smile but it never made it. She tucked her blankets higher up her chest, feeling the thick cotton bandages under her hospital gown that covered the tender stitches. She wished she could say she understood. She wished she could believe every excuse she made for him. But the fact remained, she lay here hurt and tired and weak. And all she wanted was to see him, for him to see her. To make it worth it.

The elevated beeps of the machine brought her attention to the screen to see her blood pressure and oxygen levels rise before the hot tears streaming down her face made her realize she was crying. With no sudden control, she felt a shuddering sob pass her lips and her chest shook with the strain to take in extra air.

"Kagome," Sesshomaru was immediately by her side, tucking her hair away from her face, "please..."

The gentle touch had her sob harder, because it wasn't his hands she wanted, or his words begging her to stop. She couldn't even if she tried. She shut her eyes and just cried, gritting her teeth against the pain, both physically and emotionally. She didn't know how long she cried. She was convinced she could cry forever.

She just couldn't fight it anymore.

888

A/N Hey all, sorry for the delay. The boy caught a cold then an ear infection, and to top it all off my husband left for training for a month, so I'm Dad and Mom for the next few weeks. Not so bad, I don't have to cook as much and there is a significant decrease in laundry and increase in teaspoons.

On a lighter note, Alex (my son) is doing very well. He's three now and is FINALLY potty trained, and was rated to have a 4-5 year old intelligence, so he's ahead by a year or two. He's also learning to dress himself and be more self able even though his left arm and hand are weak from the cerebral palsy. I'm doing fine. Aside from husband being gone for 6 months last year, taking my beloved laptop with him, I kept busy with archaeology digs and Alex. When husband came home I spontaneously lost sight in one eye during the summer which made for killer headaches and no depth perception, it also hurt to read let alone write. Most of my sight has come back, but not fully. I'm still being tested to find the cause, possibly MS, but could also just be a fluke thing. Then horrors of horrors my laptop of one year died on me, so after two months of waiting, Sony gave me another, add to a big thumbs up on extended warranty. Other than that, life is good, we moved into a new quarters on base, one level so Alex doesn't have to worry about stairs and we got a Lab puppy to train to be his helper...well, once they stop rolling around the floor like a dusty tumbleweed. Not sure which one is in time out more. So yeah, like I said, Husband is gone again for training, and will be leaving overseas this summer and will be home in the fall. So I'm writing hardcore now to keep the days going fast. And to help me keep contact with some sense of sanity. Remember, have a three year old and a lab pup beneath my feet. The sad thing is, DWU is almost done. And I feel I'm about to say goodbye to an old friend.

Anyways...songs to inspire me this chapter! Hear You Me – Jimmy Eat World and 9 Crimes – Damien Rice. Sometimes I so wish to put songs into the chapter I'm writing at the time but I've found as I wrote they tend to get in the way of the story, so you can listen as you read, or be like me and find a good Final Fantasy video with the song and just sigh.

Anyways, next chapter starting tomorrow! Live, love and laugh!

WDW


	39. Everything Changes

Heavy rain pelted hard against the window creating a distorted view of the overcast February night. It came down like Heaven was hurting and it felt like it'd been dark since God knew when. Kagome rested her back against the wall of the exaggerated window sill and pulled her tired eyes from the cold outside her hospital room to the television that had caught her attention.

"_...Perdition. Videos of the attack have been posted online and have created quite a following worldwide. Since the initial video shown here, several have been linked from various websites, revealing for certain that the two members of Perdition were clearly defending themselves from a provoked attack. When questioned why these videos were not taken into account that resulted in the local band being disqualified, contest officials denied comment. Since then, a website has been established to prove Perdition's innocence and have since filed a petition against War of the Bands promoters for their false charges against the band. Members of Vindication of Masses, the mob responsible for the attack, have been since charged and will be facing trial for the attack at a later date. Perdition's manager could not be reached for comment, but rumour in the entertainment industry states that several agencies are clamouring to sign-"_

"Ah, never mind, it seems you heard the news."

Startled, Kagome placed a hand over her heart as she watched Miroku saunter into the room. His hair was slicked back and the knees of his jeans were soaked from the runoff of rain on his jacket. She eased back when he took off his coat and shook it to the side before bouncing his rear onto the unmade bed.

"You look well," he smiled as he gestured to her position against the window. "I hear you're being discharged tomorrow."

Kagome nodded as she straightened her body against the sill, pulling her legs into a cross. "The damage on the nerve wasn't as extensive as they thought. With continued physio, I should gain the strength back in my legs."

"That's great! Good as new, eh?"

"Yeah," she lifted her lips in a mock smile as she flipped through the channels. "In time, it'll be like it never happened."

She could feel his sharp grey eyes search her thoroughly and she suddenly felt exposed. It wasn't like her to attack like this, and the silence of his stare made the guilt inside her itch. She shrugged a shoulder as if to wipe the feeling away and sighed with an easier smile. "Sorry," she cut him a quick glance, "it'll be good to be home again."

His grin made the grey less scrutinizing as he rubbed warmth back into his damp legs. "It'll be good to have you back again. With the potential for Perdition to be signed, we need our star drummer back and Kouga hasn't been cutting it."

The smile swept off her face like a cold slap. She turned to face the window once more. "I won't be coming back."

She heard him let out a hard sigh. "I never expected you of all people to give up."

The pain of that statement was enough to make her breath catch. She peered down to her lap. "It's not giving up. It's giving in."

"And there's a difference?"

She lifted her eyes to the flow of water against the glass pane. "It's in who makes the choice."

"Ah, so you believe that InuYasha has made that choice for you?"

She could feel the tension ride up her shoulders as she fought against the hurt and anger that welled up behind her eyes. "It's been almost two months since the shooting, and he still hasn't come. I'd been holding out and holding on until the last possible moment. I leave for home tomorrow, and he's still not here." Her jaw ached as she held off the shivers of raw torment. "I've stopped hoping, Miro. There's no point in going back."

The silence between them grew to an unbearable hum. She wondered if he'd take this moment to leave and let her be. The last thing she needed was another shoulder to cry on. She was given enough through psychologists and friends to a point where everything had been analyzed to death - except the truth. So she felt betrayed, heartbroken, abandoned? Yes, all of it. But the worst of it was that she felt lost. And she couldn't understand why.

"Did I ever tell you how InuYasha and I met?"

Surprised at the turn of the conversation, Kagome shook her head numbly. "You once mentioned a halfway house?"

"Yeah," he coughed lightly, "right about the time his mother was admitted into the hospital after his dad died. Seemed he had a falling out with his friends and family, so he turned rogue I guess. But he wasn't all bad, just petty things and the like. Nothing to get worked up over. The halfway house was more a warning slapped on him. He could've easily called his brother and gone home. But he didn't. I don't know if it was stupid pride or foolish sacrifice. Maybe a bit of both." He stretched his legs and pulled the heavy fabric from his thighs. "You see, this wasn't a place where bad boys turned good, or were helped to mend their ways and become better members of society. It was a place to be punished. And punished in the most evil ways possible."

Kagome suddenly felt chilled and a sickening wave made her shiver. "Please, Miro, don't tell me that."

His face twisted in a disturbed smile. "It was funded by a private organization and run by priests. After a day of being beaten for our sins, we were to spend the night praying for penance for those who punished us. None was punished more than InuYasha."

Kagome clapped her hands on her ears and shook her head, trying desperately to shut him out, to ignore what cut the sharpest edge to a man she wanted to forget. "I don't want to hear anymore, Miroku, please stop."

His warm hand gripped her wrist and she reluctantly pulled her hands free to look up at him with tear stained eyes.

"Please, no."

He smiled sadly as he stood next to her, blocking everything but him from her sight. "He could have gone home, but he stayed to protect me. Orphaned and homeless, I was a favourite among them, since I had no one to turn to if I could. For whatever reason, Yash decided to take me under his wing. He took the brunt of my punishments by acting out, drawing the attention away from me. He took the worst possible punishments for an entire year, just so I could...stay sane," he shrugged. "At night, instead of prayers, he just talked to me. Told me about his life, his father. And slowly, when my fear started to lessen, I told him about my past. We became best friends, more like brothers. I can never love a man more than him. He kept me alive when I was certain I was ready to end it all. Then, one day, by some God touched miracle, a man who was an old friend of my father's arrived and took me out of there. Said he received word about what was happening to me, and he couldn't allow the son of his best friend to be raised in such conditions. So instead, I was raised by a drunk monk who subscribed to hentai and yuri porns. He was a good man. And I'm glad InuYasha found him to take me in, however he did it."

Kagome could barely listen anymore. Her body trembled in sickness and grief. "That's why he hates believers so much."

"Hard to love the man who abuses you then tells you to pray for his forgiveness." Miroku leaned against the wall before her. "InuYasha had a hard time seeing the good in anyone who held faith from then on. He thought it was a pedestal the most vile placed themselves on, to give power over the weak. He was hard pressed not to believe there wasn't a hidden demon inside you when you walked up on that stage. He feared you like he feared nothing else. You were a reminder of his lost innocence."

She shook her head and held back a sob. "I didn't know."

"And that was a good thing."

She peered up at him in tearful question. His smile grew thoughtful.

"You held no pretences, no blame or judgement. You were honest to every degree - and he didn't trust you. You offered friendship without asking for change. You took each of us for what we were and loved us for it. And he hated you for it. But most of all, you believed in a man who didn't believe in himself. You did it without knowing anything about him. And that changed everything."

A stifled cry passed her lips as she let out a painful gasp. "But it didn't change a thing! If it had he'd be here! But he's not. The only thing it proved was that I believed in a man who didn't believe in me. Who still fears me, who still doesn't trust me and who still hates me."

"Kagome..."

"Where is he, Miroku?" She rounded on him, her lips trembling and her body shaking with cold and numbing hurt. "What's changed?"

He licked his lips slowly and she could tell he was trying to choose his words wisely. "He has."

She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or slap him. Either case, it blew the wind from her sails and she shook her head. "I'm sorry that I can't believe that."

He winced. "He's getting himself cleaned up, he's doing everything he can now to make amends to a life he hated."

She looked up to the ceiling as helpless tears streamed down her cheeks. She sniffed. "If he's doing this for me-"

"He's not." He sounded urgent. "He's doing it for himself. Don't you see? You finally gave him the courage to lead his own life, and to make it a good one. You need to see that."

She blinked, the last of the tears falling to her lap as she turned to stare at him dead on with hopelessness. "Then where is he?"

Miroku turned to stare helplessly at the door, then slowly back at her. "I don't know."

Kagome shifted back to the window and she ached when she spoke. "Everyone changes." The back of her fingers traced the carved pathways of rain down the pane. "But it doesn't change how I feel."

888888

Miroku stepped out of the hospital room, closing the door behind him with a last glimpse of Kagome staring out the window. With a heavy sigh, he turned and nearly bumped into a man wearing a black, damp hoodie. Glancing up at the hooded figure, he relaxed.

"I didn't expect you to be here."

InuYasha blinked tiredly at the door. "I'm always here."

"Then why haven't you gone in to see her?" Miroku thrust his finger toward the room. "You just standing here isn't doing either of you any good!"

InuYasha sighed as he eyed the empty waiting room. "This is the first time no one else has been here. I never felt comfortable facing her with others knowing. There was never a good time."

"Now is the perfect time, what are you waiting for?"

InuYasha just shook his head. "I waited too long now. I heard what she said in there. How can she ever forgive me?"

"You not doing anything will certainly help." Miroku frowned. He watched his friend wipe his damp face and turn to lean his back against the concrete wall.

"I need to make her listen." InuYasha rasped. "She needs to know how I really feel."

"Then tell her."

He turned weary eyes upon the door. "I don't know how. Maybe I need to give it more time."

"Time is not what she needs." Miroku placed a hand upon his shoulder. "You need to give her faith."

InuYasha scowled. "How will that help?"

"I know that look she carries. She's lost her strength, Inu."

He paled. "But she's better now."

Miroku shook his head. "Her strength was her faith. You need to give it back to her."

The panicked look on the poor man's face was enough to make Miroku want to smile until the helplessness in his friend's voice sobered him.

"I can't give her that. I have no idea what the hell it is."

"Faith is believing." Miroku shrugged. "You need to give her something to believe in."

"Like what?"

"The only thing worth needing. She needs faith in love."

The stunned look of realization dawning on InuYasha's face gave Miroku pause. "What?"

InuYasha shut his eyes and nodded. "I get it. I get it now. Something anyone can give. Something that everyone needs. Something so simple, you never realized you believed in it all along." His golden eyes opened warm and sad as he looked at the door to her room. "She knew from the beginning, and it took me forever to find something that was always there."

Miroku raised a brow. "So, what are you going to do?"

InuYasha studied the door before turning to look at him. "I think...I need to start from the beginning."

888888

_One month later._

"Come on, Kagome, we're going to be late!" Ayame pulled the car door open and ushered frantically for her to get out of the car.

Kagome grasped the handle of her cane as she lifted herself out of the passenger seat and gazed up at the banner lifted between two shattered buildings. "Children of War Charity Concert."

"Isn't it amazing?" Ayame gushed as she slammed the door shut with a thud and pulled her across the lot. "Local bands have volunteered their time to perform tonight and all donations will be given to charities devoted to children who were damaged by the war. Even the Shikon House will get proceeds!"

Kagome couldn't help but smile, the happiness from her friend was contagious. She turned back to the scene in front of her. A mass of vehicles were parked in an organized fashion over the bulldozed remains of the Southern Block. Sesshomaru had bought the land nearly two months ago. It was his hope to redevelop the land and create new homes and businesses, helping those who lost so much during the war to have a new start. The Shrine would soon stand as a monument to all those lost but never forgotten. It was odd seeing the beginning stages of clearing. Buildings were knocked down and debris scraped clean to make the land look new and ready for growth. Sutras and charms were placed on markers scattered around the site, giving respect to the spirits as the taint was slowly being absolved. She breathed in deep. It felt...free.

"I hear this new band will be the main feature." Ayame brought her attention back as she lead her from the lot towards the sound of music in the distance. "Redemption has been topping the charts these last two weeks. I can't wait to hear them." She gave Kagome a quick glance. "Would've been cool to hear you guys play, though."

Kagome just nodded as she moved to keep up with Ayame's excited stride. She barely had a limp now, but from time to time her legs became weak. And standing for a few hours at a charity concert to help the orphanage would definitely tax them.

"Wait up, Aya," she puffed as she hurried her pace. "We can hear the music from here, we're not missing anything."

"I know, but I promised Kouga I'd meet him ten minutes ago." She grabbed her hand and began to pull her for more speed.

Kagome could only laugh as she kicked up her pace and caught up with a few stragglers who were also jogging toward the ground stage constructed for the concert. Several lights and speakers were set up in a wide arc, while a band played in the centre of the crowd who jumped and cheered along to the music. As Kagome pulled closer to the heavy mob, her lips parted in shock.

Several people were heavily scarred or missing limbs. They all wore clothes that revealed their differences, and those who came hiding them were soon pulling off shirts or pants to join them.

"Ayame?" Kagome pulled her hand back, making Ayame stop short to look at her.

Grinning from ear to ear, Ayame said, "A charity concert for the children of war. Not everyone came with wings."

Kagome could only gape as she took in everyone around her before Ayame pulled her hand and moved her through the crowd.

"Look, there's Kouga." Ayame pointed as she let their hands go.

Following her gaze, Kagome frowned in confusion. The man stood about fifty yards away and was strumming absently on a guitar next to a speaker. Beside him was Sango, Kohaku and Miroku. Kouga, she then noticed, was shirtless and she could see a blast of scar tissue above his left pectoral as he moved back and forth on the platform.

Blinking in morbid curiosity, she ushered herself forward to get a better view before gasping in surprise. Sitting on a stool in the middle of the platform was InuYasha. His long hair shone silky and soft down his exposed chest where a white button up shirt lay fully open to compliment his defined features.

What was he doing here? Her eye cut quickly to Ayame who smiled next to her.

"Surprise," she said.

"Ayame?" Kagome could barely contain her emotions, but couldn't decide which wanted out first. Hurt, confusion, anger, and a fathomless ache she had been desperately trying to ignore for the last three months.

"It's because of you this is all happening," Ayame explained as she nodded to InuYasha. "He did this."

"W-why?"

Ayame giggled. "What other reason could there be?"

Kagome slowly looked around her, seeing the smiling and joyous faces of the scarred and beaten people. She bit her lip as she fought the burn behind her eyes. "I don't understand. He never came for me."

"He never spoke to you, but he was always there. He was too ashamed to show himself. What you did, Kagome, was gave him sight to the truth he'd been denying his whole life."

"What truth?"

"That he did have a soul."

Kagome breathed in deep and held it, the tears threatening to fall in a torment of both happy and bitter pain. With a gasp, she shook her head. "What do you mean he was always there?"

"He had spent his days in rehab. Kouga said he's been going through steps to reform his life. It was hard for him to ask his friends' forgiveness, but more so his own. He had more than his body he needed cleared. But with you," Ayame smiled sadly, "he couldn't seek forgiveness."

With no fight left, a tear escaped her hold. "Why? What did he need me to forgive?"

"Everything that he was." Ayame sighed. "He blamed his life for you nearly losing yours. He couldn't face a waiting room of people who also blamed him."

"Who would do such a thing?"

"I did, for awhile." Ayame lifted her lips wanly. "His friends. But Hojo was the worst. His fury kept his name from being spoken by any of us. He would've been happy had InuYasha never shadowed your door again. But he did. Every night."

"What do you mean by that?"

Her friend nodded her head to the stage. "When everyone had gone home, he came. By then you slept, and he never wanted to wake you. But he watched over you until the day you left."

A shattered sob came over her and she clutched her cane for support. "Every night?"

Ayame nodded. "And the fool never gathered the courage to talk to you. It took us a long time to figure out why."

Kagome sniffed. "So why?"

"You gave him his soul, Kagome. He was terrified you would take it away."

"Terrified? How could I possibly-"

"You are his soul, Kagome. Could you blame the poor man for being terrified in losing you when he nearly did? What could he ever say after all that happened so you could really understand?" Ayame turned her attention toward the stage. "This is his redemption."

_Redemption._ Kagome pulled her eyes from her friend to her old band gathering on stage to the sound of applause. "How," she shouted over the din. "How did this- "

Ayame nodded her head beyond the stage. Kagome followed her gaze to the farther field to see Hojo sorting through several forms as Sesshomaru chatted on a cell beside him.

"Hojo?"

"InuYasha came to him just soon after you were released. I can't say that their meeting was friendly, but somehow they came to an understanding. It was Hojo that suggested this charity concert. Sess and they did the rest of the work. All I had to do was get you here."

Kagome was flabbergasted. "It would have been so much simpler had he just talked to me."

"Ah, but those are just words. Music is the voice of the soul."

"How are they any different?"

Ayame smiled as she quickly gave her a glance. "Music is meant to be listened to."

Kagome's lips parted as she turned back to the stage. She watched him scan the audience before looking dolefully down to his acoustic guitar on his lap. Within seconds, he began to sing, following with the beginning strums to the guitar. Kagome held her breath as a hush fell over the people.

If you just walked away

What could I really say?

Would it matter anyway?

Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose

The closet you cannot close

The devil in you I suppose

'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes if I could

Turn back the years,

If you could learn to forgive me

Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say

In moments of disarray

Succumbing the games we play

To make sure that it's real

But everything changes if I could

Turn back the years

If you could learn to forgive me

Then I could learn to feel

Kagome's heart thudded hard and hot against her chest as she roamed her gaze around the stage. Kohaku and Sango stood together and played, her piano keys hit hard in sync with the chime of his guitar. Stepping into the band area, Kanna, Souten, and Jim joined the band members while Shippou leaped onto another set of drums, together reaching a height of timbre and sound that made her feel her blood flow. They soon wound down and Kagome couldn't help but turn back to InuYasha. He seemed hesitant to continue before his voice carried over to her.

When it's just me and you

Who knows what we could do

If we could just make it through

The toughest part of the day...

His lips lifted in a wavering smile before he bitterly pulled hard against the strings.

But everything changes if I could

Turn back the years

If you could learn to forgive me

Then I could learn how to feel

Then we could stay here together

And we could conquer the world

If we could say that forever

Is more than just a word

If you just walked away

What could I really say

It wouldn't matter anyway

It wouldn't change how you feel

His eyes lifted and met hers dead on. His cheeks, flushed and warm soon paled as he pulled the guitar strap from his shoulder and set it on the ground. Hopping off the stool he slowly stepped onto the dirt and waited for the crowd to part to reveal only the two of them.

Silence passed between them as their eyes searched each other, until a single phrase passed from his lips like a pleading need.

"I'm sorry." He inhaled a shaky breath. "God, I'm so sorry."

Kagome remained quiet as his hand reached for her then fell to his side. "I wanted so badly...but I was afraid. What you did, I could never...hope to redeem. My life is yours, it always has been." He licked his shaking lips. "I love you. I know now it counts for nothing-"

He stopped when her fingers pressed against his lips.

Her mouth trembled as she struggled to smile through her tears. "When it comes down to nothing, there's only one thing you can do."

He lifted his hand to grip, hard and hopeful, on hers as he brought it down between them. "What's that?" he whispered.

Her eyes drifted down to his lips before meeting his eyes with a beautiful smile. "Believe."

Before she had time to breath his lips met hers in an aching but giving kiss. And it wasn't a kiss that dominated or possessed. But one that passed his heart and his soul to her, to love, to cherish, to protect.

And she took it with all the love she had.

888888

A/N: Everything Changes by Staind.

Sorry for the delay, was a rough week. My dog of 12 years died. I dedicate this chapter to her, my beloved Rain. Without rain, there can be no rainbows.

Through the tears, I'll live, love and laugh because of you.

WDW


	40. Epilogue

InuYasha wiped his tired face as the limo drove the final stretch down the smooth tree lined road. He had just spent the last three gruelling days trying to get home. He and Sesshomaru were finalizing the last details of Redemption's world tour in the U.S. It could not come at the worst time. Not after the news he had today. He closed his eyes and began to pray until a ray of warm sunlight flowed across his face and rejuvenated him. Today, his life would change completely.

His eyes lit up when he passed the large marble sign at the corner of the large drive leading to the Shikon House. A massive white mansion loomed between large blooming cherry trees, the windows glinted as bright as the lake behind it. Stepping from the limo, InuYasha breathed in deep before vaulting the steps and rushing through the front door.

Miroku stood at the base of the stairs, his arm helping a very pregnant Sango down the final steps. He smiled as he nodded up the staircase. "She's waiting."

Without a word, InuYasha raced up the steps three at a time and charged down the hallway to his bedroom. He slowed to a stop as he reached the soft, pale doors and gently pushed one open to peek in. Kagome lay pale in their bed, but smiled at him as Kaede cleaned up the soiled towels around her.

He swallowed hard as he stepped into the room. "How are you?"

Her smile was tired but brilliant. "I'm perfect." She looked toward the wall and InuYasha followed her gaze to the crib stationed there. With shaking legs, he treaded silently to the edge of the small bed and looked down. A boy...his boy.

He choked on a sobbing laugh as he reached down and pulled the sleeping newborn into his arms. All he could do was stare at him. So tiny, the baby barely spanned the length of his two hands. But he was warm, solid and perfect. A shock of black hair curled around his small head and his pink lips puckered in his sleep. Giving his wife a watery smile, he returned to the door and headed out into the hallway to stand at the head of the stairs. It was hard to pull his gaze from his son, but a faint trickle of laughter had him glance down the stairs to see several eyes looking happily up at him. Sango and Miroku stood at the base of the stairs while Kanna and Kohaku joined them. Soon everyone came to smile up at him. Kouga and Ayame, Souten soon joined by her brothers, Hiten and Maten. Several children cared for by the orphanage along with his niece, Rin. Finally his eyes drifted to the tall form of his brother. His expression one of pride and warmth.

Gazing back down to the infant, InuYasha headed back to the bedroom, his eyes lingering on every detail of the baby's face. So innocent, so fresh and clean and new. He wanted to give him the world. With murmured promises, he walked toward his wife's side and smiled down at her. Her blue eyes sparkled with such love and tenderness he thought his heart would burst. Leaning down he gave her a kiss on her damp brow then headed toward the open bay doors leading out to their balcony. The world opened before them, wide and warm and wonderful. Clouds drifted with the soft wind as the scent of water, wisteria and cherries passed by. It was perfect, everything was perfect. He couldn't stop smiling and his face was wet with tears from such joy he never knew he could feel. With a tender kiss, he sealed that feeling on his son's face.

Here was his world. And when twin gold eyes opened to stare up at him for the first time, he knew then he finally saw God. And he praised him with a heart wide open.

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In an age of nothing, at a time when we stand at the brink of our own destruction – strengthen your belief in yourself, in the future of humanity, in the things of this world which cannot be perceived. Awaken that which lies dormant now within your soul. Re-ignite the flame of your consciousness, and measure the strength of your conviction. Reveal the lie, renounce your hatred. Seek, find, and embrace the truths you are fortunate enough to discover. Cherish them. Use them to anchor you in the sea of chaos that is the world we live in. When twilight draws near, when you are pushed to the very limits of your soul, when it seems that all you have left are the dead remnant of the fabric of your life – Believe. (Disturbed, album Believe)

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A/N Here draws the close of Demons Within Us. A work that has seen the largest trials of my life so far. So much of my life and the lives of those who had read this story have come to life in these words. I never could have finished without the support, the love and the friendship from everyone who blessed me enough to keep with me to the end. I hope this story delighted and made you happy, as it made me get through some tough times. I dedicate this story to each of you, that in some way, it may inspire you to follow your dreams and help you to find your strengths to believe in. And to always believe in each other. Laughter for you all, love to you all, and above all...live.

God Bless and never forget who you really are.

White Dire Wolf


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